Original subtitles

He's losing consciousness.

Move! Move!

Caliban, stay with me.

You're all right, buddy.

Which way?

The Grover's Great Shops and an apple store.

Apples are said to be good for your health.

He needs more than apples. We're losing him. Sporin has a healer. To Sporin,

right fast. Yeah.

Oh, you've done quite enough already.

I'll handle this.

Help! For the love of God, somebody help!

Hello. Oh, my friends. Please forgive the mess. My cleaner won't do Tuesdays.

Welcome. I am Neo of Sporin. I can heal anything.

Mr. Sporin, you must help us. My friend is in dire shape. Oh, please bring him

hither.

Up a step. There we are.

Easy like a baby. There we are.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

What happened here? Was it a rose all day situation?

This guy stabbed him with a sword. It was an accident.

Please, you must save him. He's my bestie. I'll do what I can, but we must

act fast.

Time is of the essence, so I need your acquiescence if we're going to save this

fellow from the grave. Let me finish. Time is of the essence. We have minutes,

maybe less than statues need. There's not much left of him to save.

No. Yes, indeed, he hasn't got an awful lot of light left in his eyes. But if,

in fact, we quickly act, we might stop his demise. So, guys, time is of the

essence, so he dies.

That's what I needed.

Moving on then. Time is of the essence. See, it's natural effervescence. It's a

coming to the shadow of disease.

But he just... What I mean is time is of the essence. Take a whiff of that

petrescent. I've detected notes of dill and it's that cheese.

Either way, I give him half an hour. That's my educated guess. Well, 20

minutes is tough. It's called a 10. The man's a mess. Oh, yes.

Time is of the essence. Let's wait unless... No, it's of the essence. But

perhaps we ought to pause right here to say a style of math.

Right. Go ahead and savor it. We might as well alas.

What the hell? Wait, I have some gas.

Shh, let me finish. Time is of the essence. If you've got antidepressants,

take them now. Your friend is on the verge of death. No! Let's rephrase it.

Time is of the essence. And there's not much funny rhyming now, because frankly,

he's about to bite the... Cripple!

We've done all that we could for him, but look how much he bled. We still

might do some good for him if we don't let it spread, I said.

Time is of the essence. Keep your head.

Time is of the essence. Oh, he's dead.

Dead. Dead.

Not dead.

Is he? Shh.

Time is of the essence, O'Heath.

Sorry, if only you'd gotten here sooner.

May we take your army onto the great plain of Endor and take the Hortensians

by surprise.

Ha-ha!

Valencians! Hortensians!

Died! Oh,

sorry. So excited.

You don't seem excited. You're not. You're not excited.

I am excited.

I'm very excited.

This is my excited voice.

And can you confirm that, um... Isabella will definitely be there? No reason.

Just asking. Just kidding. There's a reason.

Oh, yes. She'll be there.

Sadly, with no plus one.

Isn't that just a bit?

So sad.

And don't worry. I've told my men to take Isabella alive so you can do the

honors. Oh, my God, I love you so much right now.

Love. I smell a wedding.

Wedding map now.

OK.

Right. Room.

Right.

I'm seeing hydrangeas everywhere.

I'm a cranky poet who can write custom poems for the guests. Oh, she's such a

bitch, but it's right, right.

Trust me. What do you think?

Nerves.

She said I love you.

No one's ever said that to me.

It's like the world looks different.

I'm seeing things I never noticed before.

The sky was doing its shine thing.

The moving air is so sweet.

This plopsy-colourful vine thing smells as pretty as me.

And those wingy beasts with their feathers, they make a squeaky-like

sound.

And I never have guessed what I'm trying to say.

Frankly, I hadn't a clue.

Now this chunk of my chest keeps plump, plumping away.

Love makes the world brand new.

My lip ends, look how they twist up. And hark a laugh down the end.

Ha! I'm always opening my fist up.

To flap my fingers at friends and their sparkly fears in my nevers whenever

she is around.

And I've never quite said what I'm trying to say.

Love makes the world great.

Oh, Gareth, you're smiling.

Sorry, could you stop it?

I just find it deeply unsettling.

I just can't believe he's dead.

Stuck him awfully early in the season for something like this. Could he be

mostly dead? But not all dead, because mostly dead is slightly alive.

Yeah, that's our thing.

Well, I'm... Sorry, but you sang too long. Yeah, well, you stabbed him first.

Is there anything else you can do?

There is a potion for reviving the dead that I've been working on.

But I've been missing one rare ingredient, so it's never been fully

successful. What is this ingredient?

I will climb any mountain, battle any foe, slay any beast.

A grey hair from the beard of a middle-aged man who is pure of body,

untouched by a woman.

Rest in peace, my friend. I shall miss you.

Didn't I... You heard nothing. Where can we possibly find a bearded middle-aged

man who hasn't been touched by a woman?

Babe? Who knows?

To be honest, the chances of finding that are as rare as that unicorn.

Guys, look, there's a real live unicorn looking in the window at us right now.

Unicorns are only attracted by those untouched by...

Fine, I'll donate the damn beard hair.

Gentle creature.

If I live a thousand years, I will never forget the day I laid eyes on the likes

of you.

And the unicorn's cool, too.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

Honestly, Bobby, I... I just always felt that something that special should be

shared with someone you love, and... I've never been in love.

Not yet.

There's still time.

Oh, thank you.

Four syllables, and it goes like this.

Like an albatross. We just gotta save the date from Wormwood.

Shh, we're playing a new game. It's called Guesty Future, and who cares? The

wedding's been called off anyway. It's not for a wedding.

It's for a war.

Wormwood is in Valencia, and they plan to invade us on Sunday, January 31st, 8

p.m. Eastern. Set your DVR.

DVR? What does that even mean?

Just... Trying to play Guess the Future game. Wait, he sent to save the date for

a war?

Who does such a thing?

For real, Barry?

You sent out save the date invitations to the people we are surprise attacking?

There are two lists.

Two. Save the date for the wedding and save the date for the war.

Not that difficult.

Maybe if you stopped yelling and took the time to teach.

And who knows... I don't know what they mean by light refreshments.

So, what do we do here?

Call for a war council, sound an alarm?

Wait,

what's happening?

Why's everyone doing that?

Well, it tends to be in tradition.

In time of war, the last person to put their finger next to their nose leaves

the troops.

Dad!

I'm sorry, Bonnie. I suck at war. That's why our kingdom was taken by Richard in

the first place.

What? Don't look at me.

I don't know anything about leading troops.

I mean, one-on-one combat, yes, but armies?

And I finally got the chance to just relax and have some me time. You

encouraged that, Mum. Well, maybe you can do both.

Oh, this is insane.

Agreed. But traditions are traditions.

Fine.

I'll do it.

Not like I've ever led an army before, but... Well, I guess I could try.

I suppose.

I can guess the future.

We're screwed.

There you are.

I've been looking all over for you.

I'm packing for war.

Yeah, well, after that, maybe I thought we'd go and address the troops.

Why don't I put my stuff in there with yours? I mean, I don't have a lot and,

well, basically, I wear this every day.

Share a trunk.

I don't want your stuff touching mine.

Is everything okay?

Knock, knock.

Gentle reminder, I've had a crow from the vicar. He'd love you to set a date

for the wedding soon because he fills up in August.

Inquisition season.

Go! Shoot!

Oh, no!

You know... Well, actually, he has got a point. I mean, it's a bit confusing.

You know, the king and queen not actually being married, and... It was

really nice when you said that you loved me. Look, Gareth, let's not... Oh, my

God, what are you doing?

I was wondering if you had any scrolls that could help Ling Nami against

attacking foe. Maybe something that could help a person save the lives of

everyone in Hortensia from a certain slaughter.

Do you have any of those?

Are you sure this is going to work? Because if not, my career is kind of

over. Squire killing his own knight and all.

Good thing you've got your priorities in the right place.

Right.

The moment of truth.

It's ready.

Isn't this exciting?

You do the honours.

Oh, we wait.

Personally, I'm not a man who was born with a gift of patience, so I choose to

stay distracted by decluttering.

You're helping.

Try not to stab me.

Right, we will start in the pantry and work our way down.

Stay strong.

It's funny.

You know a king, you're giving everything you ever want.

Now all I want is my friend back and there's nothing I can do about it.

Are you dead?

I'm dead.

Dead.

Goodbye,

yes it's time to say goodbye.

Said, I know, but are you done with living? It's time to give in and go

and go.

Goodbye.

Funny how the time did fly.

Really, it's a crime you're heading forever to the great big whatever in the

sky.

Don't bother packing, simply say sayonara, cause there ain't no tomorrow

where you're going.

Sure, we all feel for you, but things just got real for you, so why not make

amends to all your family and friends?

Bye, sorry that I made you die. It's not okay, Sid.

Yeah, I'm here. I'm not sure why.

Me either. Seriously, who invited you? All because I'm gonna cry.

No. My.

Please. Go.

Don't. How.

Goodbye.

Roberta. Seems as though we just said hi.

Yeah, well, we did. We did.

I am just some random guy.

What happened? I just ran out of friends.

Come. I'm not leaving. Not without... Isabella.

But wait, is she in trouble?

My love?

Yes,

you can.

Wait,

what?

I didn't say that. I've never made a fart joke in my life. You asked to see

me, Princess.

Take me to the armory.

It's time to defend this kingdom.

Wait. There's been a misunderstanding.

Stop singing.

I have to go back.

You can't, though, and we both know why. No, I have to tell her.

She has to know that I love her.

Goodbye.

Why do I still have these?

No, I'm all right. Leave me alone.

Oh, shut up.

Perhaps it's time to let him go.

No.

I'm not ready.

You must.

He's all I have.

That's not true.

You've got me.

I do?

Richard, you're the reason I came on this journey to begin with.

It's always been you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is when all's said and done, I'm just a girl

standing in front of a boy over a dead body, asking him to like her.

Welcome back, old friend.

Isn't this terrific?

Yeah. You couldn't wait 30 more seconds to come back from the dead, huh?

Scratch that trunk, and you'll be in pieces in the next trunk.

Listen.

We should talk about this whole wedding thing.

What? Talk?

Since when do we talk?

Your Highness.

Your troops are ready.

For review.

Oh, thank God.

Look, Gareth, I can't talk about these kinds of things.

I'm sorry.

Let's drop it.

Come on, Queenie.

When we started this, we said we'd never go to war angry.

I'm not angry. I just don't want to discuss it with you.

Okay, then.

We'll discuss it with someone else.

Soldiers of Valencia!

I love you.

There it is.

Certainly hope when I've said it for the first time in my life.

What do you think about that?

We love you too, sir.

And I appreciate that, soldiers.

And yes, I too am starting to feel the same way.

But this is all new to me, you know?

I've never felt this way before, and now there's this pressure to move forward,

forward, forward.

It's important that you feel comfortable, soldiers.

So maybe we should slow down a bit.

We've got something special.

And I don't want to ruin it.

That's good to hear.

At least I imagine it is.

For the soldiers.

I need all maps, timetables, previous battle plans, and a glass of milk

because I have a really thirsty tummy.

Guards, open the armory. Show me Hortensia's weapons of war.

This is it. These are all toys.

Yeah.

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to put an 11-year-old in charge of designing the

army.

Mmm.

Chocolate.

Did something happen between you two? Because you're kind of creeping me out.

No.

Well, I've really enjoyed spending some time with you. See you again, I hope.

Yeah, sure.

We good to go?

Hortensia's still a few days... Sorry, I feel like there's a very tiny, wily

little hair stuck in the back of my throat.

Weird. Yeah.

You were saying?

We must come to Isabella's aid, whether we have an army or no.

Army?

You know, if you're looking for an army, I have something here that might be of

interest to you.

There was a...

War here, a few years back.

And I've been using the dead and buried soldiers to experiment on.

With a bit of success.

You've got a freaky side, Neil.

And I like it.

There's a few hundred of them back there, which makes them an army.

Half-dead army.

Or half-alive, depends on whether you're a glass-half-dead kind of guy.

Either way, they're yours, if you want them.

Please take them. They freak me out.

I like it.

Back! Back!

You have to be careful. They'll bite me.

Gabby, no! Gabby, no!