Original subtitles

I am so sick of travelling.

Hey, can you get cancer from walking? Because I really feel like my feet are

getting cancer.

So hard!

Oh, perfect.

My boot broke.

Oh, fine, fine.

You win.

We'll camp here tonight, you happy? But tomorrow, we're going to fix your boot.

I'm going to get you to your kingdom.

Drop you off, and then I can go and rescue Isabella.

All you care about is saving your precious Isabella.

You don't care about me.

Nobody does, except for Gareth.

Gareth cared.

I miss Gareth.

I'm trying, Isabella.

I'll get to you, my love.

You want to see me, my lady?

I thought you'd already escaped.

I have to give you something first.

It's the amulet to Valencia.

It was given to me at my birth, and I've worn it every day since then.

It's helped me through some dark times and... What?

Nothing. It's just every day you've worn it.

I don't think I've ever seen it before.

Yes, every day since I was born.

Weird. Well, I mean, I do take it off every now and then, but maybe you're

thinking of one of those times.

No, I saw plenty of you when we were in that dungeon.

And then on the way from Valencia, when we went through security at the border,

we had to put all our stuff in that basket. I've always worn it, okay?

Look, the point is, it's special to me.

And I want you to give it to my parents, to remember me by.

When do you leave?

Tomorrow, when the horns sound the changing of the guard.

Do you think I'll have enough time? Oh, definitely.

The changing of the guard is ridiculously elaborate.

Perfect.

Galavant and I only had a single kiss.

But soon I'll be holding on to him.

And not just a memory.

It was the world's best kiss.

And it was utter bliss.

Though it was moister than I thought it would be. It was

the world's best kiss.

Save for the awkwardness and how we fit, which I admit felt sort

of weird to me.

And in my dreams I still can taste it.

Slightly yeasty.

Oddly musty.

Distance and time have not...

I wouldn't change a single thing.

I wouldn't change a single thing.

It was an awful kiss. Kind of a total mess.

Clumsy and bored.

Way too much tea.

Messy and weird.

Till I can tell you this It was a kiss I

won't forget

Have

you been there all night?

You never handed me the amulet. Oh.

Here you go.

So, Brett, what's on the sketch for today?

My name is Sid, your highness.

You have a nine o'clock review of the troops, followed by a noon burning of

poets, then leeches and bleeding at five.

Oh, five o'clock, leeches and bleeding?

Why do we always schedule it so late?

Well, why don't we just skip it? I mean, I know it's within the 24-hour

cancellation period, but who cares?

Wicked. Perhaps you are the guy ruthless enough to help me invade all seven

realms.

I'm sorry, what...

What is that above the fireplace?

Oh, that is dogs jousting.

I thought now I'm the official king, I'd put some of my own personal touches

around the throne room.

Nice. Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

Throw it in the note, Brad.

Oh, pre-Renaissance pleasure fair. So fondly.

They've got Wackatuck.

We have to play. No, no.

Just give me your boots.

I can take them to the cobbler. I want to get out of here.

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the dirt.

Sorry, I didn't actually sleep very well.

I turned a very upsetting musical number.

I just want to keep moving.

I'm... a unicorn.

No way.

Oh, aren't you gorgeous?

Oh, hello.

Stop it. Stop it. I'm silly.

Excuse me. Animal person.

How do you know there's a real unicorn?

Easy. Unicorns are drawn to children and those who are pure of body.

What does that mean, pure of body?

Those who have never been with a lady.

Yeah, well, this is obviously a fake unicorn because, believe you me, I've

been with plenty of... I've got to go.

Can you believe your boots are going to take all day?

Bloody art of that.

What's the matter, Big G?

Something's different about you. You're still all, I've got to get to my

Isabella, but today it's much more moi.

You want to know?

We haven't been together for months.

And if I'm honest, we've really only had one romantic moment together.

I mean, what if it wasn't enough?

You're worried about the crappy kiss.

My crappy... What are you talking about? The kiss with her and Valenti before you

got knocked out. I heard it was terrible.

Like the worst.

Who told you that?

Garrett, on the beach when you were unconscious, we were all cracking up

about it. Apparently, it was the talk of the dungeon.

Oh, come on now. If you're that worried about it, I've got just the solution.

The fortune teller.

I do not know why he's doing this.

Yoo-hoo!

Here I come!

Hi from me!

What are you doing?

Playing hide-and-seek with Prince Harry. What are you doing?

Trying to escape.

I have to get to the front gate so I can sneak out during the changing of the

guard. Good idea.

That ceremony's ridiculously elaborate.

Anyway, come with me.

I've been playing hide-and-seek for weeks now. I know the place pretty well.

But tread lightly, for we cannot get caught.

I hate being here.

Oh, great one.

I am Edwin the Magnificent.

Hello, Edwin the Magnificent.

I... I know exactly who you are. You are Richard, the king from the north,

with your friend Galavant.

It was actually really impressive. He called us friends.

I'm sure you know. We are on a quest to return me to my kingdom and to return

Galavant to his lady love.

We may or may not be waiting for him. It's sort of a long-distance date. Oh,

those things rarely work out. No, no, it can.

Very rare.

Sit down.

Thank you, sir. Let me tell you a fortune.

Pick a number.

Uh, seven.

Seven!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Choose a color.

Blaine. B-L-U-E.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes,

yes, what is it?

I'm working.

Can't you pick them up from school?

Yes, yes, I know what you do is a job, too. Of course.

I'm so sorry. Sometimes I wish I'd never got a thing for communicating with a

person in another realm, no matter how far away.

No, thank you. It's been great spending time with Annabelle.

Honestly, I think you're making a good move.

It's getting really weird here.

Olly olly oxen, Freak!

Gotta go.

Freaky.

What do we do?

Answer it.

Isabella's amulet. Chef speaking.

Isabella?

Oh, my God, you look terrible.

Sir Galavant, it's me, the chef.

Oh, thank God.

Why have you got Isabella's amulet? She never takes it off.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure today is the first time I've seen it.

I agree. I think it's new.

Yeah, well, you're both wrong, but it doesn't matter. I'm coming to Valencia

to rescue you.

Really?

No reaction.

I thought that was a pretty heroic statement.

Hello? Look, did you see something, then? You froze up. We couldn't hear

you. Sometimes it does that. Hold it up. You'll get a better signal.

Yeah?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Can... There he is. Hi again!

Yeah, look, I need to talk to Isabella.

He's worried about their kid.

Wait, why would you say that? They don't need to know that. Look, I might have

just got it in my head it wasn't that great.

You're right to worry.

Would you mind?

little man who used to bring me my food? Is Gareth there? I would very much like

to speak with him.

Gareth's my best pal. I'm sure he's worried sick about me.

Um, sire, I have some bad news.

He took your throne.

He went and hooked up with Madalena, the ultimate act of betrayal.

He's now the king.

He makes you look like an ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, astronomical

leader by comparison.

Gareth betrayed me? Big time.

Now, we're all in Hortensia, and Princess Isabella is being forced to

marry her cousin.

It's gross.

Oh, that is weird.

Now, now, listen. I need to speak to Isabella immediately.

Um, sorry, I don't have her right now.

Can she return?

Now you go and get her.

I don't believe Gareth would do this.

Did he ever even care?

I'm going for a walk.

I think the picture of me mum's going to look great in the phone room, don't you?

Yeah.

Who threw my painting in the toilet?

That's irreplaceable. I killed the family of weavers who made it. Let's see

what it looks like in the moat.

Don't!

A little wet, but I like it.

How dare you? You made me king.

So I can have my stuff in the throne room and you can't toss it.

Oh, really?

You're not throwing out my sister.

Hold on.

Killing me won't solve anything.

You were just two people with very strong opinions. If this is going to

work, you need to find some common ground. Just try.

Please?

Fine. Fine.

Fine, I live in plain leave, chains and laver mainly. I prefer a lavish suite.

Go on. I like eating lightly, vegan dinners nightly. I like meat with extra

meat. You're not even trying.

I'm deluxe to my silken undies. It's commander for me.

Ew. My way's clearly better.

Boringer and deader. Let's agree to disagree.

Right, not exactly what I had in mind, but not a bad start.

I like drinking vino, preferably pinot. I prefer a keg of beer.

I like getting Randy with whoever's handy.

I prefer a keg of beer.

Love massage is long walk since sunset.

Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer.

Guys, the rhyme key. Frankly, you disgust me.

You're no picnic, trust me. Let's agree to disagree.

Maybe you're not getting the concept. One of us can leave. And that means me.

Hell no.

You want a piece of this? All right, then. Fine, let's go.

We will never get on together.

Ditto, obviously.

Right there. Did you hear that? I think we finally... God, is he annoying.

Positively cloying. Guys? Why is he still talking?

Kenny with the squawking.

You're thinking what? I'm thinking.

We're definitely thinking.

You know what? I think it's time to seek outside help.

Let's agree to distance.

That was so much fun.

Want to go and get some more? Throw them out as well?

Hell, yeah.

Gallimant? Oh, finally, Isabella. Oh, my love.

I'm so happy to see you.

My cousin Harry is forcing me to marry him.

Isabella, don't marry Harry. It's growth.

Don't do it. I'm coming for you, my love.

It's frozen.

What are you trying to say?

Move it around a bit.

Oh, there. There he is.

Isabella, marry Harry.

You're gross.

Not coming for you.

What?

No. You can't mean that.

I love you, and I'll wait for you forever.

I mean, I know our kiss wasn't so amazing, but we'll get it better next

time. I love you.

Wait for you forever.

Our kiss. So amazing.

Yep. Knew it.

Galavant, can you hear me?

What do I do?

Don't die. In a fart.

Brown cow.

What? He owes us.

Blunt. God, as if we'd climbed into it.

I don't even understand how it got in here.

Petting you.

You. You. You're disgusting.

You're disgusting.

You disgusting.

Move on, you cow.

He doesn't love me.

Oh, that is it.

I've had it with you.

I've had it with being embarrassed and with betrayal and with heartache.

I am a king, for God's sakes.

I am a king.

Now back off.

Or I swear I will make you into a nut-a-thorn.

Look, Richard, I'm sorry about Gareth.

What do you care?

I do know a thing or two about betrayal, and it sucks.

When have you ever been betrayed?

Uh, okay, just off the top of my head. When you kidnapped Madelena, and then

she chose you over me?

Or when you literally forced Isabella to betray me?

Right, that, yeah. And that.

I just don't know what I'm going to do without Gareth.

I think you'll just figure it out.

Come on.

Let's get your boots and get you back to your kingdom.

Where did you get the sword?

Oh, someone left it in the stump.

Finders keepers, right?

Yeah, fair enough.

Going to name it?

That's a good idea.

What about Dawnbreaker? That's pretty cool.

Or Mrs.

Dagger. Now, that's more descriptive than Dawnbreaker.

I don't know.

How could I ever think he'd love me

All that waiting All for nothing He

wasn't ever thinking of me And we were never

meant to be We had a thing

no need to ram my lips and now it's gone fading away

over and yet if not the world

Finally, my kingdom.

Thank you, Galavant.

Could have done without the forced death march, but thank you nonetheless.

What are you going to do now?

Well, it's been a tough year.

I lost my wife, my best friend, my brother tried to kill me.

I really just want to curl up in my room and eat like a thousand pounds of cake

and just let my people adore me.

You? I am going to raise an army and rescue Isabella. Right, right, right.

I knew that.

I'll tell you what.

I'm going to give you whatever you need.

My army, fastest ships, sharpest horses.

I'm sorry.

I swear to God, my castle was right here.

Well, that's not good.

Gabby, no!