Original subtitles

Hi.

Going to the door just now, please.

Casual sex these days is rarely just about sex.

Most of the time, it's about showing off.

It's about who you're fucking and when they were last seen on TV.

People aren't fucking each other, it's their fucking face.

Who's that?

Danny?

Danny who?

Danny Dyer. Hello, mate.

Danny, look, mate, I'm busy.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, mate. I'm in the middle of a shoot. I ain't got time.

I'm serious, mate. I ain't got time. I'll give you a call later, yeah?

All right, good, mate. All right, ta-da.

Bye, bye, bye.

So what I'm actually doing for realistic, we're in front of the camera.

Go on.

And that front leg is a bit more forward.

And a little bit outward.

Beautiful.

Nice of you to join us.

Like everything, fame needs its managers.

People with the power to get their clients' exposure.

Everyone has a celebrity fuck.

But it's not the real person you're fancying. It's an illusion.

Hello?

Yeah. Right, so let's start with how you got into boxing.

How I got into boxing? Yeah, what made you want to beat people up for a living?

Oh, I could put it that way, yeah, but I believe it's more of a sport.

The label, sports personality, seems a little ironic.

Sportsmen care more about their hair pull-ups and hanging out with girls in

labs than actually competing.

But boxer Kai Taylor is a bit different.

He's smug and arrogant, all right, and fancies himself as a ladies' man, but

he's also obsessed with his sport.

He's devoted his life to becoming the perfect physical specimen.

Perfect for beating the crap out of other men, that is.

But perfect nonetheless.

No, I can't really do that. I can't really do that right now.

No.

No, I'm on a job at the minute.

Exactly. I'm on a job at the moment.

Yeah.

Well, I don't lose on, you know.

Well mate, I don't really have time for all this.

I'll tell you what I'll do. Give me a call in the morning and we'll go through

it a bit more.

I'm with someone at the moment, you know how it is.

Alright mate.

Alright, hello.

Hey.

Are we alright here?

I don't know about me.

I'm not very, er, strike a pose at the moment. It's been a while.

Have you had a girlfriend whilst you've been doing this? Or have you just been

completely non-interested in women for the last couple of years? I did have,

no, no, no. I am quite, I do have a high sex drive and it's really hard to

describe myself, definitely.

Okay, many more.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what.

I don't feel like you're taking photos of me. You look too nice.

Let's have a couple of you.

You have to rub me on this one because I haven't used one for a while.

That one there, yeah?

Right.

There we go.

That's the one.

Getting a bit under the collar, eh?

Yeah. So are you trying pretty hard to get our body like this then?

Yeah, definitely.

Trying really hard, proper.

A lot of sit-ups, a lot of reps.

Good fashion, yeah.

Yeah.

You've got a nice set of abs under there. I'll blow you something in here.

I

didn't

expect this.

This was just an interview.

Expect what?

Oh,

I'm back now. Sorry, I'm a bit nosy with this.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, I don't know if you're doing that.

Oh, I don't know.

That was really, really interesting, you know. Oh, is it? Yeah.

So, what are you doing?

You're getting me all excited.

I'm not doing anything.

I get it, Dad.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing there?

Nothing.

Right.

Fantastic.

That is fucking crazy.

Sorry.

Knocking everything everywhere.

Oh, look at that.

Another one.

I tell you what, in that pose you remind me of Kate Moss.

Well, Mossa to me is a mate of mine.

In fact, we're going partying tonight.

There you go, there you go.

Going partying tonight in London. If you want to...

Maybe come along.

I'm sure she'll love that. I'll have to ask first. Of course, I guess this and

all that, you know.

Something else I'll do in training is I'll do a bit of skipping, keep myself

nice and fit and healthy.

Shut up about boxing now. Why?

I'm really not interested in it.

Oh my god.

um um

It's not like that, is it?

Since I've seen you, I can wait to pull your brows down.

Yeah.

um um

I...

All right.

Get his off. Get his off of me.

Wow.

Ooh yeah.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Is that okay with you?

See you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

You'd be my sparring partner.

Oh, yeah.

Didn't mean to mess with you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Can we sit back and talk? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Just stay there for a second.

This is perfect.

That is... Yeah.

Now we've got the finished article.

Let's go on to the money shop.

Oh, yeah.

He said that he'd normally run a mile.

But I was determined to get him out of the gym and see the real Kyle Taylor.

Hey, hey, have you seen Kyle?

I'm sure I got in a bit too.

Is there anything in there?

No, there's nothing in there but I'm sure there's a maze in there.

I bet you like to know what you do really get up to in there.

We don't want to leave any marks for your girlfriend.

Oh, hello.

Do you reckon that's big now?

I don't want you to stare at her.

Look, let's watch her.

Don't you saw you.

It's my eyes and I'm sucking your cock.

And it's up.

Is it going to happen?

Oh!

Oh, that feels quite good actually.

Oh!

Oh, I like this. No, I like this.

I'm doing too hard.

Right, how hard?

Let's do it.

I just love the noise it makes.

Slap it about.

I think he's enjoying this a little bit too much.

Do you like slapping your different girl's face?

Or look at the mask.

His girlfriend won't see that.

What about your arse? Can I stick my finger up your arse?

They're quite small, aren't they?

Oh, it's a stroke then.

What about flicking it?

Get it back.

The hair will be flipped.

Take a sip.

Should I?

Oh, I'd love that. I'm sure I can really get that, yeah.

Get your hands up

Make love to that cock Kiss that cock

nice and slowly

That's really sexy.

Mmm, look at these scratch marks.

Very, very cool. I might put mine out there.

Really scratch.

Right in between the thighs.

Scratch.

Don't go, I'll get hit.

No, I think so.

You have to have permission to say.

Oh, scratch the right side.

Behave. Oh, I can't help it.

I think you should get those tits out. Oh, then you'll like them.

I like them, so I'm sure he will like them.

Definitely do.

Oh,

I

just want to feel that.

Check it out. Feel good.

Let me sit on it.

I love that getting bathed.

When I'm not there.

I love you. I love you too.

This lady is obsessed with fame.

There are thousands of people out there waiting to give the next passing

footballer a blowjob, just to get in front cover of some Hello magazine.

I guess they fell into the same trap.

I ain't happy with you.

Basically, you have pulled my trousers down, bent me over, and fucked me up my

arse with that article that you wrote.

Basically, I gave you an interview with my client, and you know that my clients

are important, and you've completely fucked me.

Completely and utterly fucked me.

So I'm just letting you know.

Okay? Goodbye.

Chloe? Chloe Dante from Vogue.

Chloe, I just read that article you did on the boxer.

Absolutely love it. Do me a favour, love.

Get in the cab, jump on down here now, let's go out for some sushi, and let's

talk about the next big piece you're going to write, okay? I've got some

fantastic ideas.

You remember Raj?

Raj, he wants to talk to you. He's just found a fantastic ballerina who

apparently has been caught with her knickers down.

I want you all over it, okay?

Let's show the world what celebrities are really like.

that we're going to talk about.

So, first of all, I would like to go to what inspires you? How

do you come up with these beautiful paintings?

We inspire each other, obviously.

Yeah, definitely.

Women in general, really. Yeah, we're very sexual people and our art is very

sexual. Yeah. I'm very curious.

Okay. So it's a big, big inspiration in art.

It's become quite famous through your art. And you're now really well

known in the celebrity world.

How do you deal with people knowing you and wanting to photograph you?

Well, I just fucking hate it.

In her tent installation, Tracey Emin sits the names of 102 people she slept

with. Artists and poets have a reputation for having a high sex drive,

but artists George and Georgette don't need to leave their studios to be

inspired, because they have each other.

I've interviewed a lot of up-and-coming artists, but I've never met a pair so

unaltered by success.

While the art world wants a piece of them, they still only want a piece of

each other.

What are you doing?

Concentrating.

Stop moving.

What are

your

plans for it?

Not me, tomorrow.

Yeah, but you're controlling Moe.

No.

Well, that's all Moe, is it?

But the rest of her body's over there.

Do you like mine?

I like you more.

Moe's a bit stiff.

Your eyes are stiffing.

Sorry, I don't like it.

What are you drawing?

I don't know.

I can't think of anything.

Do you mind working?

I'm not working.

You're fine.

No,

you won't. Come on, I've got to work.

Why? You're always working.

I'm fucking bored.

I don't mind, but we've got to work.

We're rich now, we don't need to work anymore.

Oh,

yeah.

See?

We're already half full. Yeah.

We're still fully full. We need to get me naked first.

Watch the paint.

Remember,

I saw art.

I saw art of it.

You tell them that.

Yeah, try this one.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

um um

I'll tell you why I'm fucked off, Chloe.

Basically, I've sorted you round that interview and you've made me look like a

prick. Basically, the article that you wrote for Kai is bullshit, you know.

I've got really important clients, and you need to fucking, if I'm giving you

something, you need to help me out. I'm helping you out, you need to help me

out.

Bollock, you've made me look like a complete fucking prick.

Why have you made me look like a prick?

I mean, what the fuck did I do to you?

I've got to now speak to him tomorrow and sort it out. In fact, I want a bit

of an apology from you tomorrow, telling him that you're sorry.

Yeah?

You want to come in for a drink?

In the cut-and-thrust of the celebrity world, sometimes it's great to have a

normal conversation with someone who finds you interesting.

It's nice to keep things simple for a change.

That is, until the guy oversteps the mark.

No matter how much I like him, could I ever really trust

a man who bullshits for a living?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you for taking this interview with us. Enjoy your opinions on the celebrity

life. But has it not now made you famous?

I suppose it has, in a funny way. It has made me famous.

And do you feel that that's somewhat maybe hypocritical? You're now living

the celebrity life that you were originally writing about and against.

I don't find it really hypocritical so much.

I've recently discovered there's money and success to be made if you're happy

writing cute little articles just to get ten minutes in a room with Jennifer

bloody Aniston.

But journalism should be about truth, about getting inside a subject, under

its skin.

In my line of work, it's best to keep a professional distance.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck me.

Lately, I've been getting way too up close and personal with the people I'm

meant to be writing about.

You can't get to the heart of a person through their pen.

God knows I've tried.

Oh, let's talk to your mum.

I fucked up.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, you did.

Well, why don't you come and sit down?

Yeah.

It's fine though.

It's

like

a little...

Thank you.

Oh, my

God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Ian.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

Oh.

Casual sex these days is rarely just about sex.

In a world full of celebrities, how do you make sure you're fucking the person

and not just their image?