Original subtitles

Good morning.

It sure is.

My apologies.

Where are my manners?

Welcome to my love den.

Population trois.

As in menage a trois.

Let's just say after saving my sister's fashion show, I got a little bit of a

show of my own.

As in your boy. A.K.A. the general. A.K.A. that dude.

Went where many have dreamed but few have seen.

The promised land.

Have you ever gotten everything that you've ever wanted? And if so, what

next?

Damn,

dude.

Waking up to my car getting told would have felt better.

Sorry.

See? Just like that. Everything back to normal.

Just three friends who...

Put their parts inside each other's parts.

All right, friends. That has been my time. You guys have been great.

Yep. Super busy day. Don't know how I'm going to get through it all. Yep. You're

singing to the choir.

Busy, busy.

Yeah.

Shit.

You've got to be kidding me.

Um, is this right?

Are we all working together today?

Yep. It's, uh...

International Student Information Day, so basically we'll be giving students

who are thinking about transferring a taste of what Cal U has to offer.

When? Now.

Is there anything more awkward than going to a mandatory four-graduation

school event with the people you just had a threesome with?

So, how did we normal walk?

I kind of forget.

Guys, why are we acting like this? You know, we're... We're consenting adults.

We had fun.

Nothing to be ashamed about.

Yeah, you're right. There's no shame in my game.

Cool. So now we never have to talk about this again? Like, never.

Guys, guys, like, who's even going to know?

You guys?

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, wow. Should I be offended that I wasn't invited?

And who?

as a threesome the night before they have to spend an entire day together.

You make me unwell. Why are you tripping?

We're not.

Now, if you guys will excuse me, I have to go make friends with those kids from

across the pond. Those who come to me in Uruguay isn't going to just happen.

Uruguay? Absolutely not across the pond. And are you really acting like this

isn't a big deal? Our friend group is going to be trash.

I'm not doing two Friendsgivings.

Everything's fine.

Maybe just stop falling asleep to Summer House? Yeah, child.

Us three are drama-free, okay?

Mm-hmm. Every time you do black auntie talk, I know you're lying.

Damn! I hate how well this woman knows me. God, I can even spell it on you.

Hey,

if you have any further questions, I'm your guy. Thank you.

All right.

I have a ton of questions.

Mm-hmm.

Why are you taking notes?

For my files. Because I'm a messy bitch who loves the drama.

Oh. There are thousands of people at this school, so why did you choose to

lay with half of our friends?

Oh, my. What guy wouldn't want to have sex with two women at the same time?

So this wasn't some twisted ploy to get back with Annika?

What? No.

So you're trying to get with Keala?

No, I am not. And if I was, this would be a really dumb way to go about it. So

that's it?

It's all good? Not a care in the world?

Let me tell you something. Unless it is a threesome with two strangers off

-field, it is never all good.

No? It's really good.

Oh, my God. What if it was too good?

Maybe it was so good that I got both of them confused.

I've got to put a leash on this thing. Okay, relax, Nick Cannon. I'm going to

go see how they're feeling, because clearly you are in no state to discuss

women's feelings.

Good. I've got a job to do anyway.

What's up, bro? Is this a bad time?

What's up, Brock? Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now. Okay,

so, I got a gig for the Squid.

Client needs a piece for the grand opening today.

Ah, yeah, I'm kind of tied up right now. Don't have time to bet the location.

Maybe next time. Let's bet it.

Light work, easy cash.

Okay, see, the Squid's locations have to be very specific.

Their identity is a secret. We'd both like to keep it that way. Now, if you'd

excuse me, I'm supposed to be leading a guided tour right now, and two of the

girls are getting in the closet with Creepy Pete.

Creepy Pete?

What the hell is that? Creepy Pete!

Good morning, Professor.

You know, I didn't have time to stop for coffee. May I trouble you for some

sugar? As long as you like it brown.

No, this is my favorite kind of sugar. Mr.

Jackson. Yes, sir. Might I have a word with you in the faculty lounge?

I just want to let you know that I'm a pre-pre-diabetic, so the sugar

conversation was strictly health-related. My insulin's been all

over the place.

After reviewing your performance as an associate professor, the board has voted

in favor of promoting you.

Your dedication to this institution is unmatched.

Congratulations, Professor Jackson.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, guys. Thank you very much.

Wow.

Yeah. Thank you.

I did not see that coming. Did you know?

Just when you thought nobody was watching. Keep this up. You'll be the

next chair of the African American...

This is where you'll register for classes and take the best on-campus

selfies. Go to my IG for reference. If you feel inspired to repost, don't

forget. Hashtag social femarine.

Welcome to America.

Buenos dias, gente fiestera.

Chat amongst yourselves.

Borrow you for a minute. Yes.

What's up?

How dare you? You go from being irritated at the sight of Andre's

eyebrow to exchanging bodily fluids with him and Kiela, and you're just going to

act like there's nothing to talk about?

We were all out partying, and it just happened.

Look, Andre and I have really good sex, and Kiela's a pretty girl.

The mask, mask.

Uh, no.

I understand leaving the door open for a pretty girl, but Kiela?

Am I something from suppressed queer vibes?

Things can go down quite that way.

When in Rome.

Oh, I think Rome might be too far south for us, but I love that you wanted to

visit. Miss me?

Come find out.

So yeah, nothing like that went down.

Andre must just be so next level then for you to sleep with him and Kiela just

for the sake of good tea. What did Andre have to say about last night?

Yes, what did Andre say?

Lord. Thank you for making me allergic to male genitalia.

Oh, shoot.

Professor Davis, I saw you put your tongue in my throat. Okay, what do we

do? We're just going to tell him that my insulin was low. You were helping me

out. Aaron, it's cool.

Yeah, I don't think it's cool. Aren't optics why we've been making sure that

none of the other faculty members found out about us? It is, and I know that we

didn't want to give people anything to whisper about.

Maybe it's time we revisit the terms of our agreement.

I'm not following.

I thought that this was going to be something fun and casual.

But we laugh and debate and have great sex.

And it's just easy.

Really easy. Like Sunday morning, you know? I know before now I've been slow

motion when it comes to seeing what this could actually be.

But I think that we make it official.

And let Cal U and everyone else know that we're all we.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Technically, our student government is a bicameral body, but that is a common

misconception.

Quick question.

What possessed you to have a threesome with Andre on Hanukkah?

Hanukkah? Just amateur.

Answer the question.

Seriously, have you had sex? It's fun.

Blah, blah, blah. We all love getting our shells dusted. But why did you

choose to have a threesome with your friend and your other friend slash your

first friend's ex-girlfriend? It's really not that big of a deal. Don't you

have a sexual bucket list?

I do. And as soon as Thelma Hayek responds to my DM, I will be disclosed

to completing it.

Well, a threesome was on mine, and if I'm going to do it, I might as well do

it with people I'm comfortable with.

Interesting. Yeah, and I'd say it was a good call because your girl kind of

snapped and went a little too hard.

Leg cramp.

I'll be right back.

I'm just going to grab a Gatorade and stretch out my hip flexor.

I'd say it all worked out well. We're all friends.

Annika and Andre have had sex, obviously, so they're comfortable, and

then... Andre and I had had sex before, so... What the...

You and

Andre were sleeping together?

No, no, okay, we only slept together once in a bathroom at a party.

It was nothing.

First of all, gross.

And second, why wouldn't you just tell me?

Well, okay, we weren't friends when it happened. Plus, did you guys know this?

I'm new here.

I cannot be expected to know facts from fiction.

I knew, but I assumed you did too. I mean, you dated Andre for six months,

and he didn't tell you?

You should be mad at him.

I am really, really sorry. I didn't realize that you didn't know, and

honestly, it really wasn't that serious, so I didn't think that I'd have to go

and double-check, but I can promise you that I didn't, and I don't have feelings

for Andre.

All good.

This better be a question about this damn school.

That's what I thought.

All right, guys, this way to the A.V. lab.

Edie, look, you check off every box on the list, okay? You're perfect on paper

and in the real world as well. I guess I'm just realizing for the first time

that what I'm looking for goes beyond the page. Does that make sense?

No, I was perfectly fine with keeping it casual, but then I felt you leaning in,

so am I crazy? No, no, I'm crazy for not wanting to be with you. I don't

understand it, but it's just how I feel, okay? And I'm sorry that it's coming out

like this.

Oh, you're sorry?

I swear to God, I don't get you young dudes. I check every box on the list.

I am the list!

Okay, Edie, I'm sorry.

This has been an unforgivable waste of time.

By the way, your birth always smelled like turkey. And you have the toes of a

cadaver.

All right, follow me this way. Glad everybody is here.

This dorm is, of course, always dry.

Except during El Nino, when there was, in fact, a leak in the roof.

What do you know about leaks?

You sure didn't leak to your girlfriend that you slept with one of her best

friends.

This dorm also offers mental health support to those in need. If you guys

will excuse me for one second.

Enjoy the amenities.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

So last night wasn't the first time that you and Keala had sex.

When you say first time, there's, I mean...

Play with me right now, so I have even more of a reason to kick your teeth in.

Okay, yes, yes. Last night was, uh, that was not the first time that Kiela and I

have had sex. But to be honest, the first time didn't even really count.

You're gonna sleep with someone and not count it?

American math is like their meal portion. Unbelievable.

Kiela and I hooked up one time during freshman year orientation, but I promise

you, it was not that deep.

Don't. Too easy.

But it was deep enough to keep it a secret. And neither of you had enough

respect for me or my feelings, to be honest.

I am... I'm so sorry. I have to take this. It is very important business.

And this isn't.

Yo, broski, is this a bad time?

It definitely is. Ben, so, they're down to pay the squid double. Yeah, Brock,

that sounds nice, but the squid cares about how his art is represented. He

doesn't care about money.

To be honest, that's just not how I do business. Well, that's how my money does

business. We're partners.

You don't trust me?

I can't believe you're having a full conversation while I'm standing right

here. Okay.

You know what? I trust you. Let's do this.

Yep. I'm sorry.

And I trusted you.

You're a liar.

Look, Annika, to tell you the truth, I haven't thought about Kiela since that

moment. And the next time it popped in my head, you guys were already naked.

Well, you should have said something.

I'm kind of surprised that you're this upset about it. I mean, I get being

uncomfortable about it in theory. But?

But we've been broken up for over a month, and you're coming at me like

that's not the case.

You have a lot of going up to do, Andre.

These are for our intramural basketball team.

We are hoping to have Andre as our tour guide.

Well, hope no more. I am he.

Thought you'd be taller.

Well, I'm like 6'3 in these boots.

Have a good day, guys. Remember when your arrogant ass thought the only thing

you had to worry about was Kiela and Annika wanting to wife you after your

little tryst?

I know. Annika went off on me for not telling her Kiel and I had hooked up

before. You were right, I guess. Is that what you want to hear? Mm-hmm. A drama

-free threesome only exists after a music festival or a snowed-in ski

weekend with a broken TV.

Otherwise, it's always messy.

But I thought we were drama-free. I don't remember us not being drama-free.

But now that I think about it, last night was kind of a balancing act.

Let me get inside your brain. It feels so good.

How's it taste?

Like you'll never be the same. Well, I remember that Anika and I were going for

round two, and then Kiela jumped in. I was trying to keep things even and

everyone happy, but I guess you're right.

Maybe drama-free threesomes are not a thing.

Thank you.

Hey, wait, um, you guys got a minute to chat?

So, uh, I know the last day has been a rollercoaster, but the last thing I want

is for things to be weird between us.

Your friendships really mean a lot to me, and I do not want that to change.

So, uh, Annika, I know that not telling you about Kiela and me was the wrong

move, and I'm really sorry.

Okay.

That's a start.

Kiela? We good?

Great. Wow, that went so much better than expected.

But look at us. We're all evolved human beings and things.

I can't believe we both slept with you.

Oh, so, so sorry.

Business is this.

Get it?

Okay, it rhymed.

Yo, Berski, this a bad time?

Does it matter? How's it going?

Not so hot, though, fam. Everything was all good till the climax.

I quit, I guess.

Draw some of the guests?

Wait, like caricatures at the beach?

No, dog. Like, actually drawing on the guests.

Like face painting? What?

Great.

Now the squid is texting me. This is a nightmare.

My bad. I thought I had it all handled. Obviously not, Brock!

I...

I'm sorry, man. Do you mind moving? This is my, uh, thinking seat, so... Excuse

me? Oh, next drinking app on the house.

So sorry, man.

Take away.

Enjoy your beer.

Okay, there it is.

What's wrong, kid?

Well, Edie wanted to make our relationship official, and I turned her

down. I'm gonna smack you in the face, but I'm working on myself.

Why would you do that?

I mean, you've been complaining about this woman for months. I know.

And what changed?

I guess it was when I saw Zoe at the fashion show.

It was like she didn't even care that I was with Edie.

So you would have been hyped if she acted super crazy and jealous? I'm not

saying she had to go and flip a table over, but she could have poured a glass

of wine on me, at least.

Something.

The fact that it bothered me just made me realize that it wouldn't be right to

get more serious with Edie, you know?

Look, if I were you, I'd be sitting down and coming up with a go-forward plan.

All right? I just think you need to focus on what you really want so you can

move forward.

All right? For real.

And for you.

I appreciate that. Awesome.

What?

Yeah, I like children's yogurt pouches.

You have feelings.

For Andre.

What are you talking about?

I've been keeping extensive note on everything the three of you have been

telling me today, and I think I know what's really going on.

It wasn't that you didn't want Annika to go down on you. Oh, I think Rome might

be too far south for us, but I love that you wanted to visit. You were biding

your time until Andre got back.

It's me.

You didn't get up because you had a leg cramp with two-hour hot yoga?

I'm just gonna grab a Gatorade and stretch out my hip flexor.

You were in your feelings.

Is liking Andre making me a bad person?

No, but it doesn't make things less complicated.

Oh, American General, would you like to storm our capital?

Uh, no thank you.

We have liquid like you to plug.

Oh, my God.

Sophia, thank God. You would not believe what I've been getting into.

I know what I'd like you to get into.

I'm hydrated and my legs don't cramp.

Sometimes it sucks to be that good at sex.