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1
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:40,850
What was going on there huh?
2
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,960
We thought you were sleeping Daddy.
3
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,430
How can l sleep with two Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:48,500
Can we watch Dragon Tales please?
5
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:51,290
Yeah. Why not why not?
6
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:54,840
Which one of these turns on the TV?
7
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:11,380
Honey l think you just opened the garage.
8
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,490
l'm just planning ahead
l know
9
00:02:15,290 --> 00:02:19,590
-P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug? -Good job.
10
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,560
Whatever happened to
the good old days...
11
00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:24,430
...when you pulled the knob a
nd on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,300
The O'Doyles got a universal
remote control
13
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,560
One clicker controls everything
14
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:32,740
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you
15
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,810
Well whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles
16
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:36,980
--tree house?
17
00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:39,480
l don't know Ask your father
18
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:40,950
Ask me what?
19
00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:44,880
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:49,050
Yeah Dad lt's kind of been halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:54,500
All right l want to it's just l got a lot of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:59,000
But as soon as l'm done
l'm on it l promise Hang in there
23
00:03:01,170 --> 00:03:04,660
Hey look at Sundance wrestle his duck.
24
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,410
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:11,410
That's something you shouldn't know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,850
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:19,520
Hey, Michael? l'll see you tonight at the swim meet?
28
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,280
Swim meet.
29
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,660
-l gotta go to that? -Yes.
30
00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:28,990
-l'm kidding you. l'll be there. Okay? -All right. l love you, Michael.
31
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,330
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,300
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,530
Kevin O'Doyle. Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:38,970
What kind of stereo you got in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:41,340
You know what? l never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:41,550 --> 00:03:43,980
Yeah, well, my father's stereo is a Bose.
37
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,980
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:50,710
No! l said--
That's not what l said!
39
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,120
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:57,430 --> 00:04:00,060
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,460
-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Good morning.
42
00:04:08,670 --> 00:04:10,110
-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Hello.
43
00:04:10,310 --> 00:04:12,400
-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Hi.
44
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:15,240
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,110
-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Man, Alice...
46
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,510
...l was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,850
-lt started already.
-What?
48
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:25,880
Can l go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:28,680
Go to the bathroom.
l told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:37,960
Well, the interesting thing, Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:41,000
...is that the building codes in Manhattan will allow us--
52
00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,200
-Michael. -Sorry l'm late, sir.
53
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:46,540
Some moron in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot so--
54
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:49,940
Prince Habeeboo drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:53,580
Red Lamborghini? l meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,550
ls this one of your partners?
57
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,780
Actually, Michael is just an associate.
58
00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:01,290
But he is one of our brightest young architects.
59
00:05:01,490 --> 00:05:02,460
Thank you.
60
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,690
Walk His Majesty through our design concept.
61
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,590
With pleasure.
62
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,920
-Prince Haboobee-- -Habeeboo!
63
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,630
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,330
Habeeboo. l thought l said that.
65
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,200
When Mr. Ammer explained to me the type of man you are...
66
00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:22,240
...a visionary who prides himself on originality...
67
00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:27,250
...l said to myself, ''Let's smash the mold and redefine elegance.''
68
00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:29,720
So l present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,410
Where is-- Where's bar?
70
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:35,290
Bar is-- Here's the bar. Now, the waterfall--
71
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:36,550
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,730
Okay. We could cut into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:41,930 --> 00:05:46,460
No atrium. Just make bar longer for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:47,640
Really?
75
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:51,930
-Still itchy? -You got it.
76
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,510
And put big drain in floor for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:58,240
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,470
Boob water's gotta go someplace, Michael.
79
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:04,050
Let's just take out the atrium and run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:07,750
-God. -l love it. lt is simply awesome.
81
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:13,290
Yeah. Basically you want me to design you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,970
How dare you compare Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:18,100
-...to this hoochie house? -This idea's...
84
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:20,670
...got nothing to do with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:22,370
lt's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:24,380
No disrespect, Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:26,310
-Hubba Bubba. -Habeeboo!
88
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,610
Habeeboo! Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:31,260
Prince Habeeboo's not chewing gum.
90
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:36,020
Prince Habeeboo, we will--
l will make this happen.
91
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,770
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,940
l hope that atrium idea didn't
take too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:44,900
Oh, there'll be other Junes in my life, sir.
94
00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:49,670
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:54,240
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:55,970
-You got the commission? -Not yet.
97
00:06:56,180 --> 00:07:01,250
l just need someone to come up with a design proposal. lntrigued?
98
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,350
Hell, yes.
99
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,690
l'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids. When l get back, l'm all over it.
100
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:12,260
Great. Have a great Fourth of July with the kids. l'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:07:12,470 --> 00:07:16,270
No, no. Absolutely not.
l-- l-- Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,270
These guys are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,000
l guess l could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,870
Great. See you later at happy hour with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:27,550 --> 00:07:31,380
My son has a swim meet tonight that l have to get to s--
106
00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:33,350
l'm just messing with you. We're good.
107
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,030
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:53,900
That's my boy! That's my boy! Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,870
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,470
-As far as you know. -What?
111
00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:02,710
l was just joking.
112
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,980
ls he really my dad?
113
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,520
Come on, come on!
Yes, Ben. Yes, you did it!
114
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:10,920
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:14,580
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin or something? That was incredible.
116
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,560
You just got here, Dad.
l saw you.
117
00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:20,160
What do you mean l just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:08:20,370 --> 00:08:22,340
l saw you.
You jumped in there you swam here.
119
00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:26,130
-Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
-He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:31,010
Hey. Good thing is Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,240
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:34,680
He was hanging out with Ping Woo
for some reason.
123
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,320
-Yeah, what was that about, huh?
-The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,640
l'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,150
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,920
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,790
Michael Speedo--
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:49,960
Big Ben, that was great progress out there, huh?
129
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,000
Just remember, right arm out, head turns left. Left arm out--
130
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,830
Head turns right. l know.
l just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,060
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,570
You master that, people are gonna think you're a half a dolphin out there.
133
00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:02,830
-Really?
-Yeah.
134
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,110
Cute.
135
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,940
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:18,820
Ben, honey, slow down.
lt's not a race.
137
00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:20,720
That's his second one in five minutes.
138
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,620
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,730
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:29,430
He's not. He's just doing whatever Michael's doing. lt's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:33,300
Everything Michael's been doing lately is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:35,870
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,240
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:40,850
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,240
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:47,220
Dad, how much longer are you gonna live?
147
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,820
-One minute.
-One minute?
148
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:53,120
-Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
-Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:54,690
Don't worry. l'm not dying.
150
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:58,760
l'm gonna live for 200 years.
ls that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:03,060
-Promise?
-l promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:06,030
You son of a bitch!
153
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,000
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,540
Show some respect, you pieces of shit!
155
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,040
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:18,080
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:21,910
Benjamin. Benjamin. What am l holding?
158
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,920
A quarter. Now, Grandma does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:26,720
-...because of my diabetes.
-True.
160
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:30,590
But she says nothing, however, about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,290
Okay.
162
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,090
All right. All right.
163
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:40,030
Very quickly, please, count to three because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,570
One, two, three.
165
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,840
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:49,810
First he's eating like his father, now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:52,380
-Ben.
-Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:55,920
-Sorry, Grandma. -How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:58,990
A good magician never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:01,790
Your daddy has wanted to know how l've done that trick...
171
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,120
...since he was your age.
172
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,730
lsn't that true, son?
173
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,260
Hey, Michael. Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:10,460
Jesus. l'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,330
Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,770
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,310
My mother says hello.
178
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,740
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:11:18,950 --> 00:11:22,290
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:11:22,490 --> 00:11:27,830
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:30,470
-Are you done? Can we relax now?
-Sorry.
182
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,540
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:36,030
You're dead.
184
00:11:36,710 --> 00:11:39,970
-Oh, shit! -Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:41,970
l kicked your father's ass in high school!
186
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:43,510
Now l'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:46,440
l hate that man.
188
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,880
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:51,580
-Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
-No, back to bed.
190
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:55,380
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
l'm out of here.
191
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,560
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,060
l don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:06,130
l need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:09,070
Well, you gotta get some rest sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,540
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:14,340
...if you collapse trying to
put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:18,970
Yeah. l forgot to tell you.
198
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:21,510
We gotta postpone the camping trip.
199
00:12:22,220 --> 00:12:24,080
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:26,690
lt's due Tuesday.
lf l don't finish, l'm off it, so....
201
00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:29,050
The kids have been talking about
camping all year.
202
00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:30,350
Think l don't know that?
203
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,830
lt's just every choice l make,
everything l do...
204
00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:34,930
...l disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,730
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,460
l'm not out drinking or gambling or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:43,440
l'm working my ass off so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,400
...than l dreamed of when l was a kid.
209
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:49,540
The only way for that to happen is
for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,580
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,610
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:59,850
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,890
Damn it! The O'Doyles got a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:05,930
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:07,890
l'm sick of this.
216
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,970
You want me to open the garage for you?
217
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:28,920
Closed.
218
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:32,620
Closed.
219
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:35,430
Open.
220
00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:37,960
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:44,960
Hey, man?
222
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:48,100
You guys got any universal remote
controls in there?
223
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:51,170
-For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
-For a television.
224
00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:54,310
l don't think so. Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,100
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:59,280
Sorry, l don't work here.
l'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,850
You're kidding me.
228
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:04,080
Actually, yes. l don't have any friends. Will you be my friend?
229
00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,850
Wow, man.
230
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:15,590
Bed. Bed.
231
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,560
Bath. Bath.
232
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,460
Bed.
233
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,300
So tired of my life.
234
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:32,210
Beyond?
235
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,080
Sorry to sneak up on you. l just--
236
00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,590
You guys got a universal remote control back here?
237
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,220
Something stinks like stale french fries.
238
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,570
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:25,560
You know, fast food shortens your life.
240
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:27,000
Yeah, that's what l heard.
241
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,370
But the way my life's been going lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:32,740
You're looking for a universal remote control?
243
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:35,380
Yeah. Just one device to do it all for me...
244
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:39,710
...make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,350
l'm not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:45,180
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:47,450
l'm gonna show you a remote we just got in...
248
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:50,220
...that's probably the most advanced piece of technology...
249
00:15:50,430 --> 00:15:51,520
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,630
-Sounds sweet. -lt is sweet.
251
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:59,460
The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:04,400
l guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:16:04,610 --> 00:16:07,100
l don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:16:08,310 --> 00:16:09,970
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:11,550
Yeah.
256
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,150
Come in the back with me.
257
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:15,170
Okay.
258
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:18,380
This is-- This is very nice of you.
259
00:16:18,870 --> 00:16:21,730
-What's your name, anyways?
-Call me Morty.
260
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,230
Morty, l'm Michael Newman.
261
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,700
Michael Newman.
262
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:29,440
l'm about to rock your world.
263
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,070
Okay.
264
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:44,220
l gotta be honest with you.
This place looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,190
Just kidding.
266
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,960
Hey, hey.
267
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,880
l think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,960
Sneaky.
269
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,470
Where's the box? Does it come with directions?
270
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:34,200
Not necessary.
271
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:37,970
Just point, click.
272
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,310
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,210
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:46,910
Because l ain't exactly Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,420
Lucky for you it's not in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:53,890
So l'm gonna have to just give it to you.
277
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:56,530
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,170
Want me to take my shirt off for you? Because l don't play for that team.
279
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:03,060
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,240
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,170
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:11,370
Take it.
283
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:13,180
Enjoy.
284
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,340
All right.
285
00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:19,850
Only one thing you need to know, Michael.
286
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:22,720
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,450
Why would l wanna return something l got for free?
288
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:50,720
Twinkie. You don't need it. You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,220
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,250
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,960
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
l'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,000
--residential architecture....
293
00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:14,070
-So l talked to the kids.
-Oh, yeah?
294
00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:17,110
They're very understanding about not going camping this weekend.
295
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:20,070
-Great.
-They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,540
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:25,380
Thanks for being so cool about this too.
298
00:19:25,590 --> 00:19:28,020
-Can l ask you something?
-Yes.
299
00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:32,180
After you do all this work and become a big player at your company...
300
00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,690
...do you think you're gonna have more time for us...
301
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:37,420
...or are things just gonna get even more out of control?
302
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:40,500
Wait. When l get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:43,360
...a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing l'm gonna do...
304
00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:46,230
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work.
305
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,640
So then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,780
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,980
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:59,520
l'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,980
l love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:05,250
-Just think about it, Michael. -Absolutely.
311
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:06,650
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:09,060
-You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
-Okay.
313
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:25,340
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude. Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:28,870
You gotta poop again?
315
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,250
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck, okay?
316
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:38,610
Will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:05,610
l guess when you combine...
318
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:09,220
...mass quantities of cough syrup with Yodels...
319
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:11,580
...you get acid.
320
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:16,760
Go.
321
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,050
Hey, you said you gotta go. Go already, man.
322
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:35,450
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,150
Holy motherfu--!
324
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:12,520
Yeah, l mean, you're right.
ln the short run...
325
00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:15,200
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,730
But six months later...
327
00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:19,600
...l'm gonna have a face and a body...
328
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,170
...that's gonna get me to places
where l wanna be.
329
00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:27,330
Oh, my mother, typical you know, she says:
330
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:30,710
''Oh, this procedure is too risky.''
331
00:22:30,910 --> 00:22:34,280
lf Samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, l think l'd freak out too.
332
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,610
l know, but l just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:39,450
You should get some work done.
334
00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:43,090
Then maybe Michael will wanna
hang out with you too.
335
00:22:44,890 --> 00:22:48,350
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:51,630
Morning, Janine, you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,900
You're just jealous because Donna and l are going to the gym...
338
00:22:57,110 --> 00:22:59,200
...and all the guys are gonna
be hitting on us.
339
00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:06,610
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,040
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:23:08,850 --> 00:23:12,150
Sorry about last night.
And l love you. l'm s--
342
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:14,820
Oh, my God. l want that so bad.
343
00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:19,930
A husband that l can kiss and
love and give juice to.
344
00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:23,900
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:26,900
l think you've given enough
juice to everybody.
346
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,100
Love juice.
347
00:23:30,570 --> 00:23:33,010
You know way too much about me.
348
00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:36,110
l should never have done that Montel Williams show.
349
00:23:36,310 --> 00:23:38,180
Even Montel Williams thinks you're crazy...
350
00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:39,710
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,910
l was desperate for companionship!
352
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:44,850
All of my husbands....
353
00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:47,520
All of them have emotionally
abandoned me.
354
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,490
They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:23:51,690 --> 00:23:53,660
-You're a horndog.
-Michael.
356
00:23:53,860 --> 00:23:55,990
-Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
-No, no!
357
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,600
l have had self-esteem issues
since l was a kid.
358
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,800
l had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:24:04,010 --> 00:24:06,600
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb--
360
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:13,770
Don't look at me!
361
00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:16,390
-What's wrong with me?
-Bunny rabbit, bunny--
362
00:24:19,590 --> 00:24:23,030
Here's the pitch to Matsui. A deep drive.
363
00:24:23,230 --> 00:24:25,460
Oh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:24:25,660 --> 00:24:30,600
A two-run shot into the right-field seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,000
l'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,830
She has so many problems. Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:24:37,470 --> 00:24:40,100
l don't know, l-- Hello.
368
00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:43,570
l gotta go.
369
00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:49,750
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:24:49,950 --> 00:24:52,420
And he can bark in over six different languages.
371
00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:54,320
lt's so cool.
372
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,290
Yeah, it's much cooler than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:24:57,490 --> 00:25:00,360
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's new robot dog?
374
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,290
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,090
''Very nice''? This thing is worth
more than your car.
376
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,270
-Not anymore it ain't.
-RoboDog!
377
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:20,150
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:25:20,350 --> 00:25:24,720
Okay. ls this some sort of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,320
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:32,290
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:25:33,430 --> 00:25:37,630
All right, America! Have your laugh! I'm an idiot!
382
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,290
Donna, l'm gonna get you!
383
00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:42,160
Fast-forward.
384
00:25:43,870 --> 00:25:45,670
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:51,310
You wanted a universal remote control that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:25:52,450 --> 00:25:55,820
Yeah, but what controls my dance skills?
387
00:26:03,690 --> 00:26:04,850
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:09,000
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:26:09,870 --> 00:26:10,990
On the remote?
390
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,860
No, the menu at the Red Lobster. Yes, on the remote.
391
00:26:20,790 --> 00:26:22,050
Where are we?
392
00:26:26,490 --> 00:26:28,790
-Go, Michael, go!
-One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,960
-What have I got here?
-Two, three.
394
00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:34,660
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:26:34,870 --> 00:26:38,030
-We have a boy!
-Is it gonna work?
396
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,360
What is this?
397
00:26:39,570 --> 00:26:42,170
-All right, I love you, Michael. -Your life menu.
398
00:26:43,140 --> 00:26:44,970
My life has a commentary?
399
00:26:45,180 --> 00:26:47,480
lt's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,410
-Click it.
-Click it.
401
00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:54,310
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,510
Michael was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:26:58,730 --> 00:27:00,280
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:27:00,490 --> 00:27:02,980
James Earl does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,530
But his anticipation quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:27:05,730 --> 00:27:08,330
...as he realized Alice had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:27:08,530 --> 00:27:10,370
...instead of a hamburger as he requested.
408
00:27:10,570 --> 00:27:12,600
A cheeseburger? l said a hamburger.
409
00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:13,970
She always does this to me.
410
00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:17,070
Michael considered demanding that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:18,300
...but decided not to...
412
00:27:18,510 --> 00:27:20,070
...fearing that Alice may spit in...
413
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,840
...or otherwise defile the burger in some manner.
414
00:27:24,050 --> 00:27:25,680
A wise decision...
415
00:27:25,890 --> 00:27:29,950
...for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
416
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,590
-Are you kidding me?
-Sneaky.
417
00:27:33,790 --> 00:27:36,020
My God.
418
00:27:39,670 --> 00:27:41,760
What else we got here?
419
00:27:43,340 --> 00:27:45,800
-''Making of''?
-Just click.
420
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,810
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
421
00:27:51,340 --> 00:27:53,340
ls this a porno or something?
422
00:27:53,550 --> 00:27:55,910
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
423
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:57,380
ls that my parents?
424
00:27:57,580 --> 00:27:59,950
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
425
00:28:00,150 --> 00:28:02,850
-That's the spot.
-Smack my heinie!
426
00:28:03,060 --> 00:28:06,290
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
427
00:28:07,590 --> 00:28:08,990
l can't see.
428
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,260
-What happened?
-What--?
429
00:28:12,470 --> 00:28:16,900
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
430
00:28:17,100 --> 00:28:20,230
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
431
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,000
l believe we're sometime
after your conception.
432
00:28:23,210 --> 00:28:25,540
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
433
00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:28,840
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
434
00:28:29,050 --> 00:28:31,740
Again. And push.
435
00:28:31,950 --> 00:28:34,780
-lt's a girl.
-lt's a girl!
436
00:28:34,990 --> 00:28:37,980
-Oh, lt's a girl. Thank you so much.
-Thank you for that.
437
00:28:38,190 --> 00:28:40,660
Wait a minute. l'm sorry,
it might be a boy.
438
00:28:40,860 --> 00:28:42,760
What do you mean, ''might be''?
What is that?
439
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,160
Maybe that's a penis.
440
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,920
Maybe that's a pe--?
That's a penis. That's my penis.
441
00:28:47,130 --> 00:28:50,260
Can l see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
442
00:28:50,470 --> 00:28:51,440
See?
443
00:28:51,870 --> 00:28:53,900
-That's a tiny schmeckel.
-Yeah?
444
00:28:54,110 --> 00:28:55,570
-We have a boy!
-We have a boy!
445
00:28:55,780 --> 00:29:00,040
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
446
00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:03,180
...because l didn't see anything.
447
00:29:03,380 --> 00:29:04,580
Let's get out of here.
448
00:29:06,850 --> 00:29:08,820
So if you think about it...
449
00:29:09,020 --> 00:29:12,550
...l can reexperience
any part of my life l want to.
450
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,280
lt's amazing.
451
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,830
What happened? Oh, God
what did l do?
452
00:29:19,030 --> 00:29:21,120
Hello? How do l
get you back here, pal?
453
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,370
Gotcha.
454
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,230
l'm not freaked out enough?
455
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,270
lt's simple. Think of a time and a place...
456
00:29:28,470 --> 00:29:31,030
...hit rewind, and you're there.
457
00:29:32,180 --> 00:29:34,670
Time and a place. Time and a place.
458
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,550
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
459
00:29:44,020 --> 00:29:46,250
That's me in the Jets shirt.
460
00:29:46,460 --> 00:29:48,120
Go, little me, go!
461
00:29:51,530 --> 00:29:53,500
Good hands! Nice hands.
462
00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:54,930
Michael!
463
00:29:55,430 --> 00:29:59,730
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
lnvite your friends if you want to.
464
00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:03,780
So any of you wanna come by my tent for some supper?
465
00:30:03,980 --> 00:30:06,910
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
466
00:30:09,650 --> 00:30:11,240
Three's Company.
467
00:30:11,780 --> 00:30:14,080
That's humiliating.
468
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:19,910
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
469
00:30:20,130 --> 00:30:21,960
Oh, come on. You call that camping?
470
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,760
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
471
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,460
Plus, it's more fun to have to
keep each other warm at night.
472
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,590
Don't you know it.
473
00:30:39,750 --> 00:30:42,480
-No cupcakes yet.
-But l'm starving.
474
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,950
l agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry l am?
475
00:30:45,150 --> 00:30:48,140
l am so hungry,
l could eat this.
476
00:30:48,350 --> 00:30:50,820
Oh, this is where the quarter
trick started.
477
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,960
How the heck did he do that?
478
00:30:59,170 --> 00:31:02,330
Oh, it's a trick coin you
buy at a magic shop.
479
00:31:02,540 --> 00:31:04,560
l just couldn't let him
know l knew that.
480
00:31:04,770 --> 00:31:06,240
That's sweet.
481
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,370
Now, l gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
482
00:31:17,430 --> 00:31:21,020
lt's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
483
00:31:21,230 --> 00:31:22,660
Okay.
484
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:25,190
Who are you?
485
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:27,490
You know who l am.
486
00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:29,660
Morty?
487
00:31:29,870 --> 00:31:32,360
lf you have any questions...
488
00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:34,570
...call me.
489
00:31:43,020 --> 00:31:47,850
No, Linda, l think Stacy
gets the most-beautiful-feet award.
490
00:31:48,060 --> 00:31:49,580
You wanted to see me?
491
00:31:49,790 --> 00:31:52,850
Michael. Look, l'm heading out to the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
492
00:31:53,060 --> 00:31:54,190
l'm counting on you.
493
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,460
This hotel project? lt's a big fish.
494
00:31:56,670 --> 00:32:00,530
You reel it in for me and it's ''Howdy, partner.''
495
00:32:04,010 --> 00:32:05,410
Okay. Thank you.
496
00:32:05,610 --> 00:32:09,340
Screw it up, though, and it's ''Back to the mailroom, atrium boy.''
497
00:32:11,950 --> 00:32:13,250
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
498
00:32:13,450 --> 00:32:16,820
She's gotta go to rehab again, so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
499
00:32:17,020 --> 00:32:19,250
l'm gonna be alone on the Fourth of July?
500
00:32:19,620 --> 00:32:22,350
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
501
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,050
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
502
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,830
Really? What's she like?
503
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:35,270
Let's just say she will eat you up, sir.
504
00:32:37,410 --> 00:32:38,960
Excuse me. l'm sorry to interrupt...
505
00:32:39,180 --> 00:32:41,300
-...but this is kind of important.
-Okay.
506
00:32:43,210 --> 00:32:45,270
-Go to the bathroom.
-Okay.
507
00:32:56,490 --> 00:32:59,520
Dude! You suck so bad.
508
00:32:59,730 --> 00:33:01,790
Do not. Hey, Dad.
509
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,760
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
510
00:33:03,970 --> 00:33:07,800
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
511
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,770
Darn it.
512
00:33:23,750 --> 00:33:25,950
You're a regular Derek Jeter yourself, O'Doyle.
513
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,810
-Love you, kid.
-Love you too, Dad.
514
00:33:29,590 --> 00:33:32,120
Mommy!
515
00:33:32,930 --> 00:33:35,590
No, l know. Well l thought she should've gotten voted off.
516
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,230
But did you see her Kate Spade handbag? lt was gorgeous.
517
00:33:38,430 --> 00:33:41,060
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
l gotta say hi to your son.
518
00:33:41,270 --> 00:33:45,300
-l told your parents to come for dinner. -Really? That sounds good.
519
00:33:45,510 --> 00:33:47,910
lt'd be fun for them to be here for the sleepover.
520
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,410
Okay, so great. Yeah.
521
00:33:51,610 --> 00:33:54,010
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
522
00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:57,340
lt's not gonna kill you to eat dinner with your family, sweetie.
523
00:33:57,550 --> 00:34:00,390
l know, l just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
524
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,180
-l'm the leader!
-No, l'm the leader!
525
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,100
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
526
00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:14,570
l can't take a whole night of this.
527
00:34:14,770 --> 00:34:18,070
-And l'm not going to.
-Q, R, S, T, U--
528
00:34:24,150 --> 00:34:25,550
Cool.
529
00:34:25,750 --> 00:34:28,950
l can skip chapters.
530
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,090
What a family.
531
00:34:37,790 --> 00:34:41,560
All right, let's
get dinner over with. Next.
532
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,200
Next.
533
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,430
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
534
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,870
Will you stop already?
535
00:34:51,070 --> 00:34:54,940
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
l can't wait not to see it.
536
00:34:56,910 --> 00:34:58,710
Alone in my basement at last.
537
00:34:58,910 --> 00:35:02,980
Should l do my work and become
partner now? l think so.
538
00:35:04,620 --> 00:35:06,490
Let's get to it.
539
00:35:07,290 --> 00:35:08,760
-Michael?
-Yo.
540
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,520
We don't wanna interrupt.
541
00:35:10,730 --> 00:35:12,560
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
542
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,420
You had a fun time hanging out with me?
543
00:35:14,630 --> 00:35:16,560
That was-- We did good, right?
544
00:35:17,130 --> 00:35:18,620
-Good night, honey.
-Love you.
545
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:23,330
My schmeckel got bigger now that l'm older, just so you guys know that.
546
00:35:23,540 --> 00:35:25,940
lt couldn't have gotten any smaller.
547
00:35:26,740 --> 00:35:27,830
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,140
lt looked like a little Tic Tac.
549
00:35:31,350 --> 00:35:34,410
Yeah, come here,
l'll freshen your breath.
550
00:35:35,620 --> 00:35:37,050
-Bye, you guys.
-Bye, sweetie.
551
00:35:37,250 --> 00:35:39,150
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,280
Great dinner, honey.
553
00:35:43,490 --> 00:35:45,760
See? Was that so bad?
554
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,830
Kidding me? l had fun.
555
00:35:48,030 --> 00:35:51,760
Good for you. Can you watch the gang for 10 minutes while l clean up?
556
00:35:51,970 --> 00:35:54,270
Can't you? l just--
l got so much stuff to do here.
557
00:35:54,470 --> 00:35:55,870
Oh, you got stuff to do?
558
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:58,510
l got ghost stories, charades the dishes...
559
00:35:58,710 --> 00:36:01,470
...and then l gotta sew the duck's head back on for Sundance...
560
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,300
...and fix his butthole.
561
00:36:03,510 --> 00:36:04,600
Way to go, champ.
562
00:36:06,150 --> 00:36:08,010
l wish l had time to do all that stuff.
563
00:36:08,220 --> 00:36:09,650
Give me a break, Michael.
564
00:36:09,850 --> 00:36:11,820
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
565
00:36:12,030 --> 00:36:14,400
l'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for like, a whole day.
566
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:15,970
You don't have to do that much.
567
00:36:16,170 --> 00:36:18,970
How big a deal is that?
l am so tired of having this argument.
568
00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:29,540
l skipped the whole fight.
569
00:36:32,620 --> 00:36:34,090
Babe?
570
00:36:35,550 --> 00:36:37,850
-l can't sleep. -You can't?
571
00:36:38,060 --> 00:36:39,650
l feel bad that we keep arguing.
572
00:36:39,860 --> 00:36:42,990
l know. Don't be upset, okay?
573
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,560
-l was a jerk.
-You are a jerk.
574
00:36:46,770 --> 00:36:48,320
-l love you.
-l love you too.
575
00:36:49,500 --> 00:36:51,490
-Yes. That smells good.
-What?
576
00:36:54,070 --> 00:36:56,130
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
577
00:36:56,340 --> 00:36:58,440
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
578
00:36:59,210 --> 00:37:02,200
Okay. Quietly try and coax me into it.
579
00:37:02,410 --> 00:37:04,410
l gotta get back to work. Can't we just do it?
580
00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:06,590
No, we can't just do it. Honey, come on.
581
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,850
l mean, l don't have any new moves for you. lt's the same stuff.
582
00:37:11,060 --> 00:37:13,750
Just think of last time and use that.
583
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,590
l like the old moves. Come on.
584
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,130
All right.
585
00:37:19,330 --> 00:37:21,300
This time you be Sundance l'll be the duck.
586
00:37:21,500 --> 00:37:24,900
-Yeah?
-But you gotta massage me first.
587
00:37:25,100 --> 00:37:28,400
Great, l love giving massages.
588
00:37:33,450 --> 00:37:35,910
Massaging away here.
589
00:37:38,050 --> 00:37:41,110
Oh, that feels good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:56,000
-We did it?
-Well, you did.
591
00:37:57,540 --> 00:38:00,230
l didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
592
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,740
l don't think anybody did.
593
00:38:03,140 --> 00:38:05,510
Yeah. l'll get you next time.
594
00:38:05,710 --> 00:38:07,340
Thanks.
595
00:38:08,310 --> 00:38:10,370
So we good for tomorrow?
596
00:38:12,020 --> 00:38:13,640
What are you talking about?
597
00:38:13,850 --> 00:38:15,080
At dinner.
598
00:38:15,290 --> 00:38:18,780
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
599
00:38:21,730 --> 00:38:23,190
Dad's gift is--
600
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,200
-Of course. l said so, so l'll be there. -Okay.
601
00:38:28,030 --> 00:38:30,400
-Need another massage or anything?
-Oh, go away.
602
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,470
l gotta go work.
603
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,000
Hey, Morty. lt's Michael Newman.
604
00:38:36,210 --> 00:38:38,680
Yeah, can l talk to you for a minute?
605
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,070
Hang on for a second someone's at my door.
606
00:38:46,050 --> 00:38:48,950
-Hello, Michael.
-Where'd you come from?
607
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,350
You don't wanna know.
608
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,290
-Can we take a walk? -Sure.
609
00:38:58,030 --> 00:39:01,430
lt's simple. You must have been on autopilot.
610
00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:02,730
Autopilot?
611
00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:05,500
That's what happens to you when you fast-forward.
612
00:39:05,700 --> 00:39:07,640
-Okay.
-Yeah. l'll show you.
613
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,240
Here.
614
00:39:12,980 --> 00:39:15,970
See? That's you on autopilot.
615
00:39:16,180 --> 00:39:18,740
The lights are on but nobody's home.
616
00:39:18,950 --> 00:39:21,180
The remote lets your mind skip around...
617
00:39:21,390 --> 00:39:23,980
...but your body actually stays put for the boring stuff.
618
00:39:24,190 --> 00:39:27,220
We should go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
619
00:39:27,430 --> 00:39:29,020
Sounds good.
620
00:39:29,230 --> 00:39:30,390
So she did tell me.
621
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,590
l'm having conversations on autopilot, then.
622
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,360
You're not gonna be the life of the party, but yes.
623
00:39:36,570 --> 00:39:38,830
Everyone goes on autopilot now and then.
624
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,900
The big difference is now you've got a nifty remote...
625
00:39:42,110 --> 00:39:44,440
...to help you decide when.
626
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,540
This thing is the best.
627
00:39:47,150 --> 00:39:50,600
By the way, your wife? Absolutely gorgeous.
628
00:39:50,820 --> 00:39:55,380
-She is, isn't she? -Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
629
00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:57,620
You okay?
630
00:39:59,090 --> 00:40:01,420
-Amazing.
-What is?
631
00:40:01,630 --> 00:40:03,690
She fell for a schlub like you.
632
00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:05,490
l'm a schlub?
633
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,630
l don't know about that, pal. l see a good-looking man right there.
634
00:40:10,370 --> 00:40:13,530
You wanna see what a stud l used to be? Yeah?
635
00:40:13,740 --> 00:40:16,000
All right, let's take a look at some of the girls...
636
00:40:16,210 --> 00:40:18,800
...l used to fool around with before l met Donna.
637
00:40:28,590 --> 00:40:30,610
ls that a man or a woman?
638
00:40:30,820 --> 00:40:32,760
lt's a woman.
639
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:38,060
What is this Animal Planet?
640
00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:42,300
-Stop.
-Yes.
641
00:40:44,470 --> 00:40:50,340
Sometimes it's better to keep certain memories just in your head.
642
00:40:50,540 --> 00:40:52,130
So l've learned, Morty.
643
00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:54,240
Good night. Thank you.
644
00:40:54,750 --> 00:40:56,510
Good night, Michael.
645
00:41:04,890 --> 00:41:08,330
l'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till l'm better.
646
00:41:09,860 --> 00:41:13,270
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
647
00:41:13,910 --> 00:41:16,970
What? lt's Monday already?
648
00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:28,280
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
649
00:41:28,490 --> 00:41:30,120
l skipped an entire cold?
650
00:41:30,330 --> 00:41:32,820
Thanks to you, baby! l love you!
651
00:41:33,030 --> 00:41:34,550
No more Tylenol!
652
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:36,730
l don't remember
doing any work this weekend.
653
00:41:39,270 --> 00:41:40,900
But apparently l did.
654
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,870
-Bad news. There's no hot water.
-What? l gotta take a shower.
655
00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,510
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
656
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,780
lt's all good.
657
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,450
Yes! Look at me.
658
00:41:59,660 --> 00:42:03,680
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
659
00:42:03,890 --> 00:42:05,590
l like that. l--
660
00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:08,560
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
661
00:42:09,130 --> 00:42:12,190
Just watch your toons and
have a great day with Mommy today, okay?
662
00:42:15,370 --> 00:42:18,400
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
663
00:42:18,610 --> 00:42:20,170
-Dad?
-Yes, sir?
664
00:42:20,380 --> 00:42:22,900
Are you gonna have to work
late again tonight?
665
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:27,180
-Unfortunately, yes.
-ls there anything we can do to help?
666
00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:31,320
Well, l'm gonna be partner soon and l'm gonna need new building designs.
667
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,180
So if you guys have any cool ideas draw them up for me.
668
00:42:34,390 --> 00:42:35,860
-Okay. -Rock 'n' roll.
669
00:42:36,060 --> 00:42:39,030
-l get the paper.
-l got the crayons.
670
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,270
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
671
00:43:07,020 --> 00:43:10,290
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
672
00:43:10,490 --> 00:43:14,220
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
673
00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:18,160
Wait a sec!
674
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,470
Here we go! Mama!
675
00:43:23,670 --> 00:43:27,230
Yeah! That's what l'm talking about, baby!
676
00:43:29,950 --> 00:43:33,140
You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that.
677
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,260
Oh, look at you now. You're all yellow from the scurvy.
678
00:43:41,460 --> 00:43:42,480
Captain.
679
00:43:45,230 --> 00:43:49,860
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
680
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:01,840
Oh, there's Barney.
681
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,340
I love you, you love me
682
00:44:05,550 --> 00:44:09,850
That jogger had giant boobies
683
00:44:10,250 --> 00:44:14,480
Okay. Let's get you that tan you been searching for.
684
00:44:14,690 --> 00:44:16,350
That's it. That's it.
685
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,550
Check out Julio lglesias...Pretty.
686
00:44:23,330 --> 00:44:27,390
-Looking good, Mr. Newman.
-Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
687
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:31,330
-Finish? -Did l finish?
l believe l finished.
688
00:44:31,540 --> 00:44:34,980
-Let's see here. Look at that.
-Very impressive, Michael.
689
00:44:35,180 --> 00:44:39,140
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
690
00:44:39,820 --> 00:44:41,650
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
691
00:44:43,150 --> 00:44:46,140
-l guess l can do it all, sir.
-You can do it all.
692
00:44:46,790 --> 00:44:50,880
All right, all right, everybody. l
t's sexual-harassment-speech day.
693
00:44:52,260 --> 00:44:54,420
Now, anyone can be a victim of
sexual harassment:
694
00:44:54,630 --> 00:44:59,090
Blue collar, white collar a woman,
a man.
695
00:44:59,300 --> 00:45:01,570
Even the office slut.
696
00:45:01,770 --> 00:45:04,200
Not that l'm mentioning any names...
697
00:45:04,410 --> 00:45:05,630
...Stacy.
698
00:45:09,140 --> 00:45:13,270
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
699
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:18,170
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
700
00:45:18,890 --> 00:45:22,690
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because l'm sure l've done it.
701
00:45:24,390 --> 00:45:27,920
Like the day l said, ''You want a promotion, break out the lotion.''
702
00:45:28,130 --> 00:45:30,790
l was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
703
00:45:31,570 --> 00:45:35,020
Hilarious sexual harassment
if you ask me.
704
00:45:39,940 --> 00:45:44,740
Now, there is also homosexual harassment.
705
00:45:44,950 --> 00:45:47,710
Now, this is like when one dude
comes up to another...
706
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,320
-...and says something cheeky.
-This will be good.
707
00:46:14,190 --> 00:46:15,450
Proceed.
708
00:46:21,390 --> 00:46:23,760
l don't know about you Americans...
709
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,190
...but to me there is no doubt...
710
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,270
...lchiro is the greatest of all time.
711
00:46:30,470 --> 00:46:32,030
Yeah, he's incredible.
712
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,300
You gotta admit, you can always count on Matsui.
713
00:46:34,510 --> 00:46:36,130
Oh, Matsui.
714
00:46:36,340 --> 00:46:39,800
Well, if you guys love lchiro
and Matsui so much, let's order them both.
715
00:46:41,310 --> 00:46:43,040
l'll eat anything.
716
00:46:43,250 --> 00:46:46,650
-Excuse us for a moment.
-Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
717
00:46:46,850 --> 00:46:48,950
See you guys in a bit.
718
00:46:49,150 --> 00:46:53,220
lchiro and Matsui are baseball players. You just insulted their national heroes.
719
00:46:53,430 --> 00:46:55,950
l'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists.
720
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:57,860
l'll be here.
721
00:47:14,110 --> 00:47:15,270
These morons are so boring.
722
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,640
They make me wanna chop my own dick off.
723
00:47:18,950 --> 00:47:20,750
That hotel design? l'd like to rip it up.
724
00:47:20,950 --> 00:47:23,550
Egghead watched a bad documentary on Asian architecture.
725
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,480
Who needs a stupid river in the lobby?
726
00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:27,680
Let's build more rooms and maximize profits.
727
00:47:27,890 --> 00:47:29,490
Eat as fast as you can.
728
00:47:29,690 --> 00:47:30,990
Then we can get out of here...
729
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,100
...and do Jell-O shots at America's greatest cultural achievement:
730
00:47:34,300 --> 00:47:35,320
T.G.l. Friday's.
731
00:47:35,530 --> 00:47:37,020
T.G.l. Friday's!
732
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:44,370
-All right, Michael, save us.
-l'm all over it, baby.
733
00:47:45,710 --> 00:47:49,580
Before we order, l was looking at our proposal. You know what?
734
00:47:49,780 --> 00:47:53,410
After getting to know you a little bit l realize this is not what you're about.
735
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:56,880
ln fact, let's just throw it out, all right? Start from scratch.
736
00:47:57,090 --> 00:47:59,960
The river in the lobby idea what an egghead move.
737
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,990
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
738
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,290
That's what it's all about anyways the profits.
739
00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:09,730
But do me a favor. Just give us your account and your trust.
740
00:48:09,940 --> 00:48:13,200
That way we can get the hell out of this dump, go to T.G.l. Friday's...
741
00:48:13,410 --> 00:48:16,140
...do some Jell-O shots till this guy pukes up a lung.
742
00:48:17,940 --> 00:48:19,100
Fuck, yeah.
743
00:48:22,750 --> 00:48:24,480
That's what l'm talking about.
744
00:48:30,820 --> 00:48:32,290
Yes, yes!
745
00:48:32,490 --> 00:48:36,450
The king is home! Hello, hello!
746
00:48:37,630 --> 00:48:41,660
How can you goons sleep
when you know l got you presents?
747
00:48:41,870 --> 00:48:43,300
-You did?
-What is it?
748
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:47,600
What is it? Well, if you bring your
tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
749
00:48:48,610 --> 00:48:50,470
l'm coming. l'm coming.
750
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:54,610
Honey, get your sweet little buns downstairs too. Come on, come on!
751
00:48:58,180 --> 00:49:00,240
Come and get them.
752
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,180
-Awesome! No way! -Yeah, yeah.
753
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,450
-lt must have cost a million dollars!
-That's chump change now.
754
00:49:08,660 --> 00:49:09,850
You guys deserve the best...
755
00:49:10,060 --> 00:49:12,460
...and that's what you're gonna
get from now on, okay?
756
00:49:12,660 --> 00:49:13,960
What's all this?
757
00:49:14,170 --> 00:49:16,260
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
758
00:49:16,470 --> 00:49:18,460
-Yeah! -Let's take them outside!
759
00:49:18,670 --> 00:49:20,930
Wake the O'Doyles let them see what you got.
760
00:49:24,910 --> 00:49:28,310
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
761
00:49:28,510 --> 00:49:30,950
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
762
00:49:31,150 --> 00:49:34,520
-Don't think l forgot my beautiful wife. -Oh, my gosh.
763
00:49:34,720 --> 00:49:38,590
lt's not a bike or a cowboy hat but you're gonna like this, l hope.
764
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,290
-Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
-l heard you talking to my mother.
765
00:49:42,490 --> 00:49:44,720
-l love it!
-You look good, baby.
766
00:49:44,930 --> 00:49:48,130
l got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
767
00:49:48,330 --> 00:49:49,890
What are we celebrating?
768
00:49:50,100 --> 00:49:54,400
''What are we celebrating?'' We're healthy, we got a great family...
769
00:49:54,610 --> 00:49:56,870
...l'm Ammer's newest partner--
770
00:49:57,080 --> 00:50:00,480
Oh, my God, you're kidding! Honey, congratulations!
771
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,910
l knew it! l knew you'd be psyched!
l love it! l love you!
772
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,380
l single-handedly landed the Watsuhita account.
773
00:50:06,580 --> 00:50:08,950
That's incredible.
l knew it was gonna be a great day.
774
00:50:09,150 --> 00:50:12,060
-l heard our song on the radio.
-We have a song?
775
00:50:12,620 --> 00:50:17,060
Honey. The song that was playing during our first kiss.
776
00:50:19,130 --> 00:50:21,060
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
777
00:50:22,900 --> 00:50:27,930
l know our song. Our song. Of course l know our song. Our song is....
778
00:50:27,940 --> 00:50:30,120
What the hell was that song?
779
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,060
l remember this place.
780
00:50:34,260 --> 00:50:37,160
And-- Oh, my God.
781
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,130
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
782
00:50:40,870 --> 00:50:45,890
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
783
00:50:48,610 --> 00:50:50,230
Oh, yeah, the notes.
784
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,430
Smooth, buddy.
785
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,940
Oh, look at her.
786
00:51:01,490 --> 00:51:05,420
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
787
00:51:08,670 --> 00:51:12,160
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
788
00:51:19,650 --> 00:51:22,410
All she's thinking about is,
''l am not kissing that beard.
789
00:51:22,620 --> 00:51:24,280
Absolutely not, that's gonna hurt me.''
790
00:51:25,020 --> 00:51:26,780
Wait a minute.
791
00:51:29,690 --> 00:51:31,990
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
792
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,420
Yeah.
793
00:51:39,100 --> 00:51:40,590
Donna!
794
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,430
Donna. Oh, my God.
795
00:51:44,240 --> 00:51:45,870
l'm so horny now.
796
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:49,770
Oh, God, l'm not. Get me out of here.
797
00:51:51,950 --> 00:51:56,580
''Linger'' by The Cranberries was
playing during our first juicy kiss.
798
00:51:56,790 --> 00:52:00,240
And, my God, you looked beautiful in that pink sweater you were wearing.
799
00:52:00,460 --> 00:52:02,120
Honey, you remember what l was wearing?
800
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,290
Of course. l remember what Janine was wearing.
801
00:52:04,490 --> 00:52:06,720
She scared the shit out of me then.
802
00:52:10,230 --> 00:52:11,860
l love you.
803
00:52:12,070 --> 00:52:14,760
l love you too, honey.
804
00:52:25,550 --> 00:52:27,610
Hi, Mr. Newman.
805
00:52:28,150 --> 00:52:30,410
Right this way, Michael.
806
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:35,050
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
807
00:52:35,260 --> 00:52:36,820
All right.
808
00:52:37,030 --> 00:52:39,460
l am a little tired.
809
00:52:39,660 --> 00:52:41,990
The family was up late last night celebrating.
810
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,030
You really knocked one out of the park last night, didn't you?
811
00:52:45,230 --> 00:52:46,360
Hey, you were great too.
812
00:52:46,570 --> 00:52:48,800
All you gotta do is draw up the construction plans.
813
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,100
lf Watsuhita commits to the bulk of the funds...
814
00:52:51,310 --> 00:52:53,600
...l'm looking at my new partner.
815
00:52:56,610 --> 00:52:58,410
l thought l was already your partner.
816
00:52:59,150 --> 00:53:00,610
Whoa, cowboy.
817
00:53:00,820 --> 00:53:03,610
l said, ''Land the Watsuhita account you'll get promoted.''
818
00:53:03,820 --> 00:53:08,220
-l didn't mean right this second.
-But l already told my wife, sir.
819
00:53:08,420 --> 00:53:10,760
l spent money l don't have.
820
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,860
To do these documents is gonna
take me months.
821
00:53:14,530 --> 00:53:16,550
Then you better get started.
822
00:53:24,010 --> 00:53:25,870
Wow, l just got a big headache!
823
00:53:27,580 --> 00:53:30,600
-Was l hit by a train or something?
-l didn't see anything.
824
00:53:30,810 --> 00:53:35,110
l forgot to tell you. l hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
825
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:39,280
l hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
826
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:50,630
No, no, no. You got more.
827
00:53:53,100 --> 00:53:54,900
Yeah.
828
00:53:56,870 --> 00:54:00,740
Anyway, the sooner you get back
to work...
829
00:54:00,940 --> 00:54:02,810
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
830
00:54:03,010 --> 00:54:05,410
-l taste shit. -You do?
831
00:54:06,150 --> 00:54:11,640
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
832
00:54:12,820 --> 00:54:14,690
l'm gonna get going now, sir.
833
00:54:14,890 --> 00:54:16,980
Stacy!
834
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:24,770
Have you considered the consequences...
835
00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:27,260
...of the thing you're thinking about doing?
836
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,170
Yeah. What are you saying, l shouldn't do it?
837
00:54:30,370 --> 00:54:34,210
lt's your life. What you do with the remote is your decision, Michael.
838
00:54:34,410 --> 00:54:38,510
l know, so, l mean, we're talking
a couple of months here.
839
00:54:38,710 --> 00:54:41,240
l fast-forward through it
what am l gonna miss?
840
00:54:41,450 --> 00:54:43,210
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
841
00:54:43,750 --> 00:54:45,480
Remember the leprechaun?
842
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:49,290
The one from the cereal ad.
843
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,820
''They're magically delicious.''
That guy?
844
00:54:54,030 --> 00:54:57,660
He's always chasing the pot of
gold at the end of the rainbow.
845
00:54:57,870 --> 00:55:01,600
But when he gets there at the
end of the day...
846
00:55:03,100 --> 00:55:05,330
...it's just corn flakes.
847
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:13,480
-Michael. -Yes.
848
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:17,810
-You don't understand the metaphor?
-l won't do it, all right.
849
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:35,790
-Dad? -Yeah.
850
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,370
-We have some designs for you.
-lt's not a good time, man.
851
00:55:39,570 --> 00:55:41,570
Maybe they'll help you finish quicker.
852
00:55:41,780 --> 00:55:44,300
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
853
00:55:44,950 --> 00:55:48,070
The ceiling's too high the hallway's
too narrow...
854
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,510
...stairway placement makes no sense at all.
855
00:55:50,720 --> 00:55:53,120
-What the hell's this room made of? -Pizza.
856
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,690
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
857
00:55:57,160 --> 00:56:00,890
-Pickles.
-Oh, don't be a baby.
858
00:56:01,100 --> 00:56:04,160
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
859
00:56:04,370 --> 00:56:06,780
lf he wants a playroom made of pizza
then why not?
860
00:56:06,980 --> 00:56:10,180
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime and get the hell off Fantasy lsland.
861
00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:13,650
Hey, pizza boy. Life ain't about being creative.
862
00:56:13,850 --> 00:56:17,150
lt's about kissing ass, playing it safe, making your boss a lot of money...
863
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,260
...in hopes one day he might throw you a stinking bone. All right?
864
00:56:20,460 --> 00:56:22,150
Yes, sir.
865
00:56:22,590 --> 00:56:24,320
Ammer didn't make you partner, did he?
866
00:56:26,460 --> 00:56:29,260
Oh, honey, l'm so sorry.
867
00:56:29,870 --> 00:56:32,130
But we'll get through this, okay? l promise.
868
00:56:32,540 --> 00:56:35,130
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do is get through it.
869
00:56:35,340 --> 00:56:37,500
When is it gonna end?
870
00:56:53,990 --> 00:56:55,250
Pretty sweet, eh?
871
00:56:55,460 --> 00:56:58,290
Two queen beds, full kitchen, steam shower...
872
00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:00,660
...and satellite TV with surround sound.
873
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:05,460
Why are you always trying to hurt me? One day l'm gonna hurt you back.
874
00:57:05,670 --> 00:57:08,660
Michael Newman, l didn't know you smoked cigars.
875
00:57:08,870 --> 00:57:10,500
And now's the time.
876
00:57:10,710 --> 00:57:12,270
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
877
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:16,000
l took it out of Kevin's hands. Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
878
00:57:16,210 --> 00:57:17,510
No, l wasn't!
879
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:19,480
l think l smell marijuana in it.
880
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:22,980
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass in this house right now!
881
00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:24,350
l hate you.
882
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:27,990
Are you deaf? Move it! l don't wanna have to ask you again!
883
00:57:28,190 --> 00:57:30,180
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
884
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,300
Get your ass in this house!
885
00:57:34,530 --> 00:57:36,120
We don't have any other choice, guys.
886
00:57:36,330 --> 00:57:40,530
-No fair! l don't wanna return my bike! -We have to, honey.
887
00:57:40,740 --> 00:57:43,500
-But Daddy gave them to us! -Because he loves you.
888
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:45,970
Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at Daddy's work.
889
00:57:46,180 --> 00:57:48,080
We need to bring the bikes back for now.
890
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,480
But l already told Kevin O'Doyle l got a new bike.
891
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,450
Well, we can paint my old bike and make it look new.
892
00:57:54,650 --> 00:57:58,490
That's a girl's bike. All the kids will make fun of me.
893
00:57:58,890 --> 00:58:01,360
No!
894
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:04,350
l wanna keep my bike!
895
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,830
l can't take this anymore.
896
00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:08,690
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
897
00:58:14,210 --> 00:58:15,700
So here's to Michael Newman...
898
00:58:15,910 --> 00:58:18,900
...the greatest partner l could ever dream of.
899
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,900
Hear, hear!
900
00:58:21,380 --> 00:58:25,410
Thank you. Thank you, guys. My family thanks you.
901
00:58:25,620 --> 00:58:28,880
l'm gonna do the best l can and l won't let you down, l promise.
902
00:58:29,090 --> 00:58:30,750
Yeah!
903
00:58:31,420 --> 00:58:34,720
-Congratulations, Mr. Newman. -This is great. Thank you.
904
00:58:34,930 --> 00:58:36,420
How's it feel, killer?
905
00:58:36,630 --> 00:58:39,430
-Feels incredible, sir. -Well, you earned it. l'm telling you.
906
00:58:39,630 --> 00:58:41,790
Not just because of that Watsuhita project either.
907
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:45,730
For helping me pick up the slack now l'm spending time with my lady.
908
00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:47,430
Hey, Dinkie.
909
00:58:48,110 --> 00:58:51,010
Are you kidding me? You guys have been dating a couple months now?
910
00:58:51,210 --> 00:58:53,470
That's pretty huge for this one.
911
00:58:55,980 --> 00:58:57,970
No, the first few months were easy.
912
00:58:58,180 --> 00:59:00,450
lt was the one-year hump that was the tough part.
913
00:59:00,650 --> 00:59:04,710
Her inappropriate weekend with my brother in Cabo...
914
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:06,720
...well, that was a potential speed bump.
915
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:09,860
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us work through it, didn't he, honey?
916
00:59:10,060 --> 00:59:11,650
How's he doing for you and Donna?
917
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,330
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
918
00:59:15,530 --> 00:59:18,730
Oh, you know what, sweetie? lt's none of our business.
919
00:59:18,940 --> 00:59:21,840
Let's let Michael bask in his glory. Cheers.
920
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:24,510
Bask away, partner.
921
00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:27,840
Took that bastard a year to promote me?
922
00:59:29,380 --> 00:59:31,310
What else did l miss?
923
00:59:31,620 --> 00:59:33,910
-Shit.
-Need something, Mr. Newman?
924
00:59:34,090 --> 00:59:36,920
-Who are you? -Kirsten, your assistant.
925
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:38,710
What happened to Alice?
926
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:41,360
She moved to Accounting. Couldn't handle your hours.
927
00:59:41,930 --> 00:59:45,120
And she prefers to be called Alan now. Remember?
928
00:59:48,970 --> 00:59:50,520
No.
929
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,330
No.
930
00:59:53,540 --> 00:59:56,770
No! And who the hell's Dr. Bergman?
931
00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,530
And l feel like Michael's making no effort to connect with me at all.
932
01:00:00,750 --> 01:00:03,510
No, no. l want to. l want to. lt's-- l'm on autopilot.
933
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:06,680
''l'm on autopilot.'' More like auto-zombie.
934
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,180
Good one, Donna.
935
01:00:09,290 --> 01:00:12,380
-''Good one, Donna''? -Michael, relax.
936
01:00:12,590 --> 01:00:15,180
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and l just talk?
937
01:00:15,390 --> 01:00:18,450
Why? Because there is no talking to you. You're never home to talk to.
938
01:00:18,660 --> 01:00:21,630
And when you are, you're just
sitting there staring off into space.
939
01:00:21,830 --> 01:00:23,060
What do you want from me?
940
01:00:23,270 --> 01:00:25,460
This is what happens. He's gonna
answer his phone.
941
01:00:27,370 --> 01:00:30,000
What the heck happened? l didn't
even touch the remote.
942
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:32,200
Great, you gonna start watching TV at dinner?
943
01:00:32,410 --> 01:00:33,880
Oh, can we?
944
01:00:34,450 --> 01:00:37,510
Samantha. My little angel. Look at you.
945
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:39,210
Look how long your hair's getting.
946
01:00:39,420 --> 01:00:41,480
When did you grow up? Ben, get over here.
947
01:00:41,690 --> 01:00:43,420
Don't worry. l'm not gonna work tonight.
948
01:00:43,620 --> 01:00:45,680
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
949
01:00:45,890 --> 01:00:49,380
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad. l wanna watch CSI.
950
01:00:49,590 --> 01:00:51,490
Yeah, CSI.
951
01:00:51,700 --> 01:00:53,720
lt's the episode when
they find the lady's arm.
952
01:00:53,930 --> 01:00:58,160
What happened? l missed the whole Dragon Tales era?
953
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:05,380
Whoa, hey, hello.
954
01:01:06,820 --> 01:01:08,980
What are you doing? Come here!
Give me my Twinkie!
955
01:01:09,190 --> 01:01:10,710
Get back here, you freaking gremlin!
956
01:01:10,930 --> 01:01:13,620
Don't yell at Peanut because he found your Twinkie stash.
957
01:01:13,830 --> 01:01:15,300
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
958
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:18,120
Don't mention Sundance. The kids just stopped crying.
959
01:01:18,330 --> 01:01:19,770
About what? Why? What happened?
960
01:01:22,300 --> 01:01:23,740
He died?
961
01:01:27,410 --> 01:01:32,040
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
962
01:01:32,250 --> 01:01:35,480
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
963
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,810
-Daddy held it in so long. -He was the best dog!
964
01:01:39,020 --> 01:01:41,550
He's finally letting himself feel it.
965
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:45,950
One night when the duck's head was off...
966
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:48,860
...he tried to hump my leg and l didn't let him...
967
01:01:49,060 --> 01:01:51,620
...and l should've and l'm sorry.
968
01:01:51,830 --> 01:01:56,100
-What an idiot.
-lt's okay, it's okay.
969
01:01:56,500 --> 01:01:58,800
What the heck did l do?
970
01:01:59,010 --> 01:02:01,980
l love you. Do you still love me?
971
01:02:04,380 --> 01:02:06,640
Oh, Michael.
972
01:02:06,850 --> 01:02:08,710
lt's been....
973
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,510
l'm really confused.
974
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:14,520
No, no, no. l'll change, okay? l'll be a better man, l promise.
975
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:17,820
Don't go, don't go. l'll stop working so much, okay?
976
01:02:18,030 --> 01:02:21,290
l'll be with you. Just stay with me.
977
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:25,430
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck long to get over Sundance.
978
01:02:26,130 --> 01:02:29,590
lt's a little deviant but it's kind of turning me on.
979
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,430
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
980
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,320
No. No!
981
01:02:50,530 --> 01:02:52,650
lt's not my fault.
982
01:02:52,860 --> 01:02:55,560
lt jumped on its own. l didn't even hit the button.
983
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:57,160
Not even close.
984
01:03:00,330 --> 01:03:01,700
Yes?
985
01:03:05,210 --> 01:03:07,730
-You scared-- -Honey, what's going on down there?
986
01:03:07,940 --> 01:03:12,070
lt's all right! l-- There was a mouse! l killed it!
987
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:16,240
lt's dead! But it broke the table first!
988
01:03:16,450 --> 01:03:20,050
-How did you get in here? -l had a feeling you wanted to see me.
989
01:03:20,250 --> 01:03:22,190
l'm freaking out. This thing, it's broken.
990
01:03:22,390 --> 01:03:24,880
lt's just-- lt's fast-forwarding on its own now.
991
01:03:25,090 --> 01:03:27,120
lt's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
992
01:03:27,330 --> 01:03:31,160
lt's using its memory to execute your preferences.
993
01:03:31,370 --> 01:03:33,200
lt remembers stuff? What do you mean?
994
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:37,030
lt's an advanced piece of equipment like TiVo.
995
01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:39,200
You could call it MeVo.
996
01:03:39,410 --> 01:03:42,430
l fast-forwarded through sex one time l don't wanna skip it forever.
997
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:44,270
l like sex. lt feels good.
998
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:48,680
Correct me if l'm wrong, but you fast-forwarded through an entire year.
999
01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:50,410
That's a lot of sex.
1000
01:03:50,620 --> 01:03:54,180
Put it all together, that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1001
01:03:54,390 --> 01:03:56,750
Oh, no, no. So what, everything l fast-forwarded...
1002
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,290
-...it's gonna do it on its own now? -Pretty much.
1003
01:03:59,490 --> 01:04:01,620
No more showering, no more traffic.
1004
01:04:01,830 --> 01:04:04,350
No more arguing. No more sickness.
1005
01:04:04,570 --> 01:04:05,960
This is bad, this is bad.
1006
01:04:06,170 --> 01:04:08,160
You take it back l'm deactivating my service.
1007
01:04:08,370 --> 01:04:11,400
l quit, l quit. Thanks for everything, all right, but l--
1008
01:04:13,810 --> 01:04:14,800
Yeah.
1009
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:24,610
You.... This is not....
1010
01:04:27,820 --> 01:04:29,080
Don't be mean.
1011
01:04:32,660 --> 01:04:33,720
Nice hat.
1012
01:04:34,460 --> 01:04:36,760
No, no, no.
1013
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:44,170
Get away from me. Just get away. Get away. Leave me alone.
1014
01:04:44,370 --> 01:04:48,210
ls this a stickup? Or are you just happy?
1015
01:04:50,140 --> 01:04:51,980
Yeah? l'm gonna take my clothes off, then--
1016
01:04:52,180 --> 01:04:53,770
l wouldn't do that if l were you.
1017
01:04:53,980 --> 01:04:56,810
There's only one place left for it to pop up.
1018
01:04:58,350 --> 01:05:01,950
Oh. No, no, l don't want that. Come on, man.
1019
01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:06,350
l told you, this item is nonreturnable.
1020
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:10,550
-Come on, just take it. -Until we meet again.
1021
01:05:10,770 --> 01:05:15,670
Don't do that. Come on, Morty. How do l get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1022
01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:20,840
Morning, sweetie.
1023
01:05:21,980 --> 01:05:23,600
You wanna shower first?
1024
01:05:23,810 --> 01:05:27,540
Yeah. No! l can't shower because then l'll fast-forward.
1025
01:05:27,750 --> 01:05:30,550
And if l fast-forward, who knows how long l'll fast-forward for.
1026
01:05:30,750 --> 01:05:33,650
How's this? l'm gonna rough it today, like in the Old West. Okay?
1027
01:05:33,850 --> 01:05:36,450
Donna, l wanna tell you what's going on right now so bad...
1028
01:05:36,660 --> 01:05:39,960
...but it might lead to an argument. We can't argue because off l'll go.
1029
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,790
So just know there is a problem.
1030
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,790
l tried to get rid of the problem, it almost ended up in my ass.
1031
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,090
l'm gonna go to work and try to figure this out.
1032
01:05:47,300 --> 01:05:48,930
You're going to work in your bathrobe?
1033
01:05:49,140 --> 01:05:51,200
Honey. We can't argue, okay? No more arguing.
1034
01:05:51,410 --> 01:05:53,840
You're right. l'm wrong. All the time. You want a kiss?
1035
01:05:54,040 --> 01:05:56,740
-l'll take a kiss.
-l can't. lf l give you a kiss...
1036
01:05:56,940 --> 01:05:59,850
...it might lead to something else, then...three minutes goes by.
1037
01:06:00,050 --> 01:06:02,220
You're laying there disappointed l'm smiling.
1038
01:06:02,430 --> 01:06:05,730
l wanna be with you every minute of my life, that's why l gotta leave now.
1039
01:06:05,930 --> 01:06:07,520
Have a great day!
1040
01:06:07,730 --> 01:06:12,230
Once again, Michael left Donna in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1041
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:14,030
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1042
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:17,170
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1043
01:07:10,030 --> 01:07:11,960
Michael!
1044
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:13,960
Mr. Ammer is here
1045
01:07:14,630 --> 01:07:18,470
Your first day as a partner, you come to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1046
01:07:18,670 --> 01:07:21,160
l did. l did.
1047
01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:24,830
John, l just feel we should stop wasting our energy...
1048
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:28,310
...on corporate brown-nosing and worrying who's got the better suit.
1049
01:07:28,510 --> 01:07:31,110
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1050
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:34,480
Let's concentrate on what really matters, the work.
1051
01:07:36,550 --> 01:07:38,820
That's the craziest thing l've ever heard.
1052
01:07:40,890 --> 01:07:43,160
But goddamn it, you're right.
1053
01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:50,300
Life-changing. l feel freer.
1054
01:07:50,630 --> 01:07:52,000
Yeah-- Keep the pants on.
1055
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:54,960
Sexual harassment, eh?
1056
01:07:55,610 --> 01:07:57,510
Speaking of life-changing...
1057
01:07:57,710 --> 01:08:02,700
...there's something, or actually someone, l'd like to talk to you about.
1058
01:08:04,320 --> 01:08:06,150
-Janine. -Everything okay?
1059
01:08:06,350 --> 01:08:08,980
Michael, Janine and l decided to drop out of the rat race...
1060
01:08:09,190 --> 01:08:10,550
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1061
01:08:10,750 --> 01:08:13,280
-Morocco? -Morocco.
1062
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:14,930
Okay.
1063
01:08:15,130 --> 01:08:17,960
Eric Lamensoff will assume my day-to-day responsibilities...
1064
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:20,320
...and l'd like you to take his job.
1065
01:08:21,100 --> 01:08:25,760
But Eric Lamensoff is the head of the whole international division.
1066
01:08:25,970 --> 01:08:27,960
-l've been your partner one day.
-So?
1067
01:08:28,170 --> 01:08:30,940
Every account you worked on turned into gold.
1068
01:08:31,140 --> 01:08:32,700
You know, l wouldn't be surprised...
1069
01:08:32,910 --> 01:08:35,210
...if one day you ended up being our CEO.
1070
01:08:36,350 --> 01:08:39,150
Hey, l would love for that to happen, but--
1071
01:08:39,350 --> 01:08:42,320
No! No, no, no! l don't want a promotion!
1072
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,350
No!
1073
01:08:49,930 --> 01:08:52,730
Michael, you have a phone call.
1074
01:08:52,930 --> 01:08:54,020
Michael Newman.
1075
01:08:57,740 --> 01:08:58,860
Word up, big guy.
1076
01:08:59,070 --> 01:09:02,530
Ten years ago you told me you wanted to be CEO.
1077
01:09:02,740 --> 01:09:06,070
Great news. Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1078
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,870
So you better stop with the junk food, Mr. Chairman...
1079
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,410
...or you'll end up killing yourself too.
1080
01:09:14,990 --> 01:09:17,350
Opening virtual blinds.
1081
01:09:17,550 --> 01:09:22,180
Ten years? How much worse can things get?
1082
01:09:38,010 --> 01:09:40,530
Oh, my God, l'm a fat guy!
1083
01:09:40,740 --> 01:09:42,210
Look at me.
1084
01:09:48,290 --> 01:09:51,190
What is this? This is titties.
1085
01:09:51,890 --> 01:09:53,910
l got juicy titties!
1086
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:55,850
What-- What is that?
1087
01:09:56,060 --> 01:09:59,790
Oh, God, no.
1088
01:10:00,330 --> 01:10:01,820
Just take me home.
1089
01:10:08,610 --> 01:10:11,970
This is 10 10 WINS news. February 5th, 20 17.
1090
01:10:12,180 --> 01:10:14,440
Britney Spears had her 23rd baby today.
1091
01:10:14,650 --> 01:10:18,010
Proud father Kevin Federline says he's now considering getting a job.
1092
01:10:18,220 --> 01:10:21,550
Also, Michael Jackson, the first man to clone himself...
1093
01:10:21,750 --> 01:10:24,450
...is now suing himself for molesting himself.
1094
01:10:38,270 --> 01:10:39,670
Donna!
1095
01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:42,300
Donna!
1096
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:52,540
Can l help you?
1097
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:57,750
-Hey, Dad. -''Hey, Dad''?
1098
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,900
Ben? That's you?
1099
01:11:01,100 --> 01:11:04,200
Look how big you got. You're enormous.
1100
01:11:04,770 --> 01:11:08,540
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1101
01:11:08,740 --> 01:11:10,230
Really good for my self-esteem.
1102
01:11:10,440 --> 01:11:12,840
Maybe if you would take me to Pilates like you said...
1103
01:11:13,050 --> 01:11:15,070
...people wouldn't think l was Rosie O'Donnell!
1104
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:16,810
Come on, l love you!
1105
01:11:17,020 --> 01:11:19,850
-Bring me back the Twinkies! -You're so cruel!
1106
01:11:20,050 --> 01:11:22,420
Will you please stop yelling? lt is so embarrassing.
1107
01:11:22,620 --> 01:11:25,720
-ls that my daughter? -Mom, l'm going to Derek's!
1108
01:11:25,930 --> 01:11:29,490
That's you, Samantha? When did you get boobs?
1109
01:11:29,830 --> 01:11:32,420
The same time you did, Dad. Now can l go?
1110
01:11:32,630 --> 01:11:34,860
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1111
01:11:35,070 --> 01:11:38,230
My boyfriend, the hottest boy in school, hello?
1112
01:11:38,440 --> 01:11:40,410
He's gonna be hot when l burn his house down.
1113
01:11:40,610 --> 01:11:42,580
Get your ass upstairs put normal clothes on.
1114
01:11:42,780 --> 01:11:45,610
-Why are you so mean to me?
-Get them on now!
1115
01:11:45,810 --> 01:11:47,870
-And wipe off all that makeup!
-Right!
1116
01:11:50,350 --> 01:11:52,010
ls Peanut dead too?
1117
01:11:53,220 --> 01:11:55,780
This one's got the duck doing all the work.
1118
01:11:58,630 --> 01:12:00,350
Donna. Donna.
1119
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:03,450
Goddamn it.
1120
01:12:03,660 --> 01:12:06,720
Look how gorgeous you look. l'm so scared.
1121
01:12:06,930 --> 01:12:09,990
-Knock, knock, gang.
-Hey, sweetie.
1122
01:12:16,010 --> 01:12:17,170
What's going on?
1123
01:12:17,380 --> 01:12:19,140
Donna and l were gonna get hot chocolate.
1124
01:12:19,350 --> 01:12:21,580
-You want us to bring you one? -You cheating on me?
1125
01:12:21,780 --> 01:12:23,370
With Johnny G-String over here?
1126
01:12:23,580 --> 01:12:25,640
Come on. Time-out.
l thought we were past that.
1127
01:12:25,850 --> 01:12:29,080
No, no, no, we're past this argument. No, you're right, no big deal.
1128
01:12:29,290 --> 01:12:32,050
Hey, it's just that you don't mess with another man's wife!
1129
01:12:32,260 --> 01:12:34,230
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1130
01:12:34,430 --> 01:12:36,400
lt was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1131
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:38,330
Get off me! You sticking up for him?
1132
01:12:38,530 --> 01:12:41,160
Go away! Go away, l hate you!
1133
01:12:41,370 --> 01:12:43,890
-We can't argue! Donna, please!
-l hate you! l hate you!
1134
01:12:44,940 --> 01:12:46,340
Oh, man!
1135
01:12:46,540 --> 01:12:48,570
You hate me?
1136
01:12:51,610 --> 01:12:55,380
No. No.
1137
01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:58,140
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1138
01:12:58,520 --> 01:13:03,290
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1139
01:13:03,490 --> 01:13:05,750
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1140
01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:08,360
No. No, l didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1141
01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:09,960
l didn't wanna lose Donna!
1142
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:11,890
The remote goes by your behavior.
1143
01:13:12,100 --> 01:13:15,590
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1144
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:17,290
-No, not true.
-Lie to your wife.
1145
01:13:17,500 --> 01:13:20,100
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1146
01:13:20,310 --> 01:13:24,210
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't change what already happened.
1147
01:13:24,410 --> 01:13:26,350
But you're still a young man.
1148
01:13:26,550 --> 01:13:29,210
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1149
01:13:29,420 --> 01:13:31,480
So that's what l'll do.
1150
01:13:31,690 --> 01:13:33,480
Go for it, tubs.
1151
01:13:34,420 --> 01:13:38,820
l saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1152
01:13:54,810 --> 01:13:56,500
You'll feel that in a second.
1153
01:13:56,980 --> 01:14:00,280
All right, please, please
just read my note.
1154
01:14:00,480 --> 01:14:03,240
--hate you! l hate you! l hate you!
1155
01:14:13,960 --> 01:14:16,120
Michael, are you awake?
1156
01:14:17,460 --> 01:14:21,060
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1157
01:14:23,070 --> 01:14:24,970
Donna.
1158
01:14:27,610 --> 01:14:30,080
Where'd all my fat go?
1159
01:14:32,750 --> 01:14:36,340
lt was just a dream?
A terrible terrible dream.
1160
01:14:36,550 --> 01:14:38,580
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1161
01:14:38,790 --> 01:14:41,080
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1162
01:14:42,990 --> 01:14:45,190
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1163
01:14:45,390 --> 01:14:47,490
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1164
01:14:47,690 --> 01:14:51,100
...you wouldn't have had the CAT
scan that found the cancer before it spread.
1165
01:14:51,300 --> 01:14:52,730
l have cancer?
1166
01:14:52,930 --> 01:14:54,760
No, you had cancer.
1167
01:14:54,970 --> 01:14:57,200
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1168
01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:59,400
That's probably what
caused your heart attack.
1169
01:14:59,610 --> 01:15:00,870
Heart attack?
1170
01:15:01,070 --> 01:15:03,070
l thought they weaned you off the morphine.
1171
01:15:03,810 --> 01:15:05,440
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1172
01:15:05,650 --> 01:15:08,240
...since the injury, you haven't been healthy a full day.
1173
01:15:08,450 --> 01:15:10,810
When exactly did l hurt my head?
1174
01:15:11,790 --> 01:15:15,150
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1175
01:15:15,360 --> 01:15:20,730
Six more years! No! No!
lt skipped all my sickness.
1176
01:15:20,930 --> 01:15:22,900
l'm gonna ask them to cut back on painkillers.
1177
01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:24,650
Donna, don't go.
1178
01:15:26,330 --> 01:15:27,990
What's this?
1179
01:15:30,540 --> 01:15:34,560
That's not bad for your third liposuction.
1180
01:15:35,810 --> 01:15:37,670
One more tummy tuck should take care of it.
1181
01:15:38,750 --> 01:15:41,480
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1182
01:15:41,680 --> 01:15:43,270
...licking.
1183
01:15:44,380 --> 01:15:47,840
Look, l should go. Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1184
01:15:48,060 --> 01:15:49,960
-So l'll probably-- -Bill?
1185
01:15:50,160 --> 01:15:52,520
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1186
01:15:52,730 --> 01:15:55,350
Whatever happened to ''forever and ever, '' honey?
1187
01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:57,690
''Forever and ever''?
1188
01:15:57,900 --> 01:16:01,240
Look, Michael, l'm trying to have a civilized relationship with you...
1189
01:16:01,450 --> 01:16:02,780
...for the kids' sake.
1190
01:16:02,980 --> 01:16:05,610
l really wanna be friends but l can't do that if you--
1191
01:16:05,820 --> 01:16:07,480
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1192
01:16:07,680 --> 01:16:10,450
lt's my flap, l'll do whatever
the hell l want with it!
1193
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:13,380
You done?
1194
01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:17,520
Look, Bill's my husband.
1195
01:16:17,730 --> 01:16:20,530
Please learn to accept that.
l really have to go.
1196
01:16:20,730 --> 01:16:23,060
Husband? Donna?
1197
01:16:23,270 --> 01:16:28,860
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1198
01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:32,100
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1199
01:16:32,310 --> 01:16:34,940
Building a better world for all of us.
1200
01:16:35,150 --> 01:16:37,310
Architect of the year, 20 18.
1201
01:16:37,510 --> 01:16:40,040
All your dreams came true, huh, moron?
1202
01:16:40,250 --> 01:16:43,080
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1203
01:16:44,990 --> 01:16:48,650
-Benjamin. Look at that. -Look-- What?
1204
01:16:48,860 --> 01:16:53,020
Your face. Your skinny face. You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1205
01:16:53,230 --> 01:16:57,760
Your entire ass is gone. What happened? Good for you.
1206
01:16:57,970 --> 01:17:02,410
Right, my ass. Why don't we talk about it in my office.
1207
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:07,400
My old office.
1208
01:17:10,650 --> 01:17:13,840
The architect. How did this happen?
1209
01:17:14,050 --> 01:17:18,110
-Mom said you were still a little loopy. -No, no, no. l'm feeling terrific.
1210
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:21,920
The weight. How did you do it? Staple treatment like your old man?
1211
01:17:22,130 --> 01:17:24,180
Wanna have a flap fight? You gotta see this--
1212
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:27,890
No. Just working out with Bill five times a week. Same as always.
1213
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:38,510
That's a looker. Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1214
01:17:38,710 --> 01:17:39,940
ls that your girl?
1215
01:17:40,740 --> 01:17:42,770
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1216
01:17:43,210 --> 01:17:44,650
Of course it is.
1217
01:17:44,850 --> 01:17:47,480
And you better always take care of her...
1218
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:51,480
...and make sure nobody touches her except you.
1219
01:17:52,420 --> 01:17:55,550
Pop, l'm just getting ready for this meeting.
1220
01:17:56,960 --> 01:17:59,990
Okay. Absolutely. l'll take off for you.
1221
01:18:01,930 --> 01:18:05,800
l'd like to spend more time together. All of us.
1222
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:08,060
Take you out for ice cream. How's that?
1223
01:18:08,440 --> 01:18:10,300
l know your mother won't come...
1224
01:18:10,510 --> 01:18:14,640
...but you, Samantha, Grandpa, Grandma.
1225
01:18:15,050 --> 01:18:16,340
That'd be nice, huh?
1226
01:18:17,980 --> 01:18:20,420
l knew something was funny with you today.
1227
01:18:20,620 --> 01:18:24,140
Papa, take a seat. Let me get you a water, okay?
1228
01:18:25,490 --> 01:18:27,620
What are we sitting for?
1229
01:18:28,860 --> 01:18:32,800
-Here you go, Pop, drink this. -All right. Drink some water.
1230
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:36,600
There, l had my water. What's going on?
1231
01:18:39,900 --> 01:18:41,670
Grandpa died, Dad.
1232
01:18:44,810 --> 01:18:47,040
He died a while back now.
1233
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:55,540
No, no, no.
1234
01:18:55,750 --> 01:18:58,120
Don't say that.
1235
01:18:58,920 --> 01:19:01,650
Where was l?
1236
01:19:01,860 --> 01:19:03,160
You're crying?
1237
01:19:04,260 --> 01:19:06,350
What happened?
1238
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:12,060
Nothing. You know, he just got old.
That's life.
1239
01:19:12,270 --> 01:19:16,140
-Shit.
-You're born and you live and you die.
1240
01:19:17,470 --> 01:19:18,770
Man, l gotta go.
1241
01:19:18,980 --> 01:19:21,100
Hey, hang on. Susie, push my next meeting.
1242
01:19:21,310 --> 01:19:23,580
No, no, do your meeting. lt's fine. l'm just dizzy.
1243
01:19:23,780 --> 01:19:26,510
-Why are you crying?
-l'm dizzy from the operation.
1244
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:30,380
-You're gonna make me cry, Dad. -You don't-- You don't have to go.
1245
01:19:34,620 --> 01:19:36,890
You look-- You look good.
1246
01:19:37,090 --> 01:19:38,990
lt's all right. Goodbye.
1247
01:19:54,140 --> 01:19:55,810
Come on.
1248
01:19:56,010 --> 01:19:57,340
Come on.
1249
01:19:57,550 --> 01:19:59,610
lt won't take you there.
1250
01:20:00,150 --> 01:20:01,620
Take me where?
1251
01:20:02,390 --> 01:20:05,220
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1252
01:20:05,620 --> 01:20:07,680
Of course l wasn't.
1253
01:20:09,430 --> 01:20:11,760
Can you take me to the last time
l saw him, please?
1254
01:20:15,370 --> 01:20:18,890
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1255
01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:22,470
Would you mind looking at
my shopping mall design again?
1256
01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:23,930
This one is cheaper.
1257
01:20:24,140 --> 01:20:27,170
But if you check this out...
1258
01:20:27,380 --> 01:20:30,400
...you'll see it has a much better natural flow--
1259
01:20:30,610 --> 01:20:33,640
Cheaper one, like l said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1260
01:20:35,620 --> 01:20:37,710
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1261
01:20:37,920 --> 01:20:40,890
He ain't right.
You're a schmuck! Look at it!
1262
01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:42,410
Surprise.
1263
01:20:42,630 --> 01:20:44,960
Hey, Grandpa.
1264
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:47,920
Oh, my God.
1265
01:20:51,740 --> 01:20:54,230
When did you get so handsome?
1266
01:20:54,440 --> 01:20:56,850
So, Michael, l had a wonderful idea.
1267
01:20:57,050 --> 01:20:59,450
Your mother's playing canasta with her friends tonight.
1268
01:20:59,650 --> 01:21:02,020
l thought, ''What a great opportunity.''
1269
01:21:02,220 --> 01:21:05,280
You, me and Ben should go and have a boys' night out.
1270
01:21:05,490 --> 01:21:07,930
-Can't. -What do you mean you can't?
1271
01:21:08,130 --> 01:21:09,290
You have to eat sometime.
1272
01:21:09,500 --> 01:21:11,900
We could go, we could whistle at pretty girls.
1273
01:21:12,100 --> 01:21:14,360
-l'm down for that. -See? He's down.
1274
01:21:14,570 --> 01:21:16,630
l don't know what it means, but he's down.
1275
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:20,270
-Hey. Please. -Don't give me that finger.
1276
01:21:25,310 --> 01:21:27,440
l'll make you a deal.
1277
01:21:27,650 --> 01:21:31,980
lf you come l'll show you the quarter trick.
1278
01:21:32,190 --> 01:21:34,550
-Will you look at the man?
-l'll tell you the secret.
1279
01:21:34,750 --> 01:21:36,650
No, Dad.
1280
01:21:36,860 --> 01:21:38,120
Don't you wanna know how l--?
1281
01:21:38,320 --> 01:21:40,790
l know how you do the stupid trick.
l've always known.
1282
01:21:40,990 --> 01:21:42,290
Can you let me do my work?
1283
01:21:46,870 --> 01:21:48,530
You've always known.
1284
01:21:48,740 --> 01:21:50,200
You're pathetic.
1285
01:21:51,200 --> 01:21:52,730
Okay.
1286
01:21:55,410 --> 01:21:57,970
l'm so sorry l barged in.
1287
01:21:58,380 --> 01:22:00,470
l love you, son.
1288
01:22:03,280 --> 01:22:05,150
See you later, Grandpa, l love you.
1289
01:22:05,350 --> 01:22:06,940
Dad.
1290
01:22:07,620 --> 01:22:09,380
Pop.
1291
01:22:09,590 --> 01:22:11,280
Pop.
1292
01:22:35,350 --> 01:22:37,410
l love you, son.
1293
01:22:41,420 --> 01:22:43,480
l love you, son.
1294
01:22:45,190 --> 01:22:47,220
l love you, son.
1295
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:55,390
l love you too, Dad.
1296
01:23:00,670 --> 01:23:02,470
l'll miss you.
1297
01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:06,210
You know that.
1298
01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:11,540
Goodbye.
1299
01:23:37,380 --> 01:23:39,740
l'm sorry about your father.
1300
01:23:40,180 --> 01:23:44,140
Taking him wasn't something
l wanted to do.
1301
01:23:44,880 --> 01:23:46,320
What do you mean ''taking him''?
1302
01:23:46,520 --> 01:23:48,110
l'm an angel, Michael.
1303
01:23:48,660 --> 01:23:50,320
An angel?
1304
01:23:51,220 --> 01:23:53,750
l thought an angel was supposed to protect people.
1305
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,020
l'm the angel of death.
1306
01:23:57,960 --> 01:24:00,760
Your dad, it was his time.
1307
01:24:02,370 --> 01:24:04,340
You bastard.
1308
01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:13,940
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1309
01:24:14,150 --> 01:24:17,610
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1310
01:24:33,600 --> 01:24:38,200
And now, everybody, it's time for
Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1311
01:24:38,810 --> 01:24:40,360
Yay, Michael!
1312
01:24:42,410 --> 01:24:45,170
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1313
01:24:47,980 --> 01:24:50,470
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1314
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:54,050
Okay, where's the groom? S
how your face.
1315
01:24:54,250 --> 01:24:55,850
Hi, Dad.
1316
01:24:56,560 --> 01:25:00,190
Ben. l didn't miss my son's wedding.
1317
01:25:00,390 --> 01:25:04,830
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1318
01:25:05,470 --> 01:25:08,060
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1319
01:25:10,940 --> 01:25:12,400
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1320
01:25:13,970 --> 01:25:15,910
God, you got old.
1321
01:25:17,880 --> 01:25:23,210
No, no. l-- She-- l'm just playing.
She knows that.
1322
01:25:29,060 --> 01:25:30,350
Ma.
1323
01:25:34,460 --> 01:25:36,860
Ben's wife...
1324
01:25:37,500 --> 01:25:38,760
...welcome to the family.
1325
01:25:38,970 --> 01:25:40,130
Thank you.
1326
01:25:40,330 --> 01:25:43,130
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1327
01:25:53,110 --> 01:25:57,720
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1328
01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:03,060
Michael, you haven't kissed me like that since you were a little boy.
1329
01:26:03,270 --> 01:26:06,600
You are the best, Ma.
You know l know that, right?
1330
01:26:06,800 --> 01:26:09,970
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1331
01:26:10,640 --> 01:26:14,440
You know, Michael your father would've loved to be here.
1332
01:26:14,640 --> 01:26:16,110
l know, Ma.
1333
01:26:16,980 --> 01:26:20,010
Okay? l'm just glad you're here.
1334
01:26:20,780 --> 01:26:26,150
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too. lt's beautiful. Beautiful.
1335
01:26:26,620 --> 01:26:27,990
Beautiful. Look at her.
1336
01:26:28,660 --> 01:26:30,650
Donna, my favorite.
1337
01:26:31,490 --> 01:26:33,830
You're such a schmuck for letting her go.
1338
01:26:34,030 --> 01:26:37,120
But don't let me ruin your evening.
l'll talk to you later.
1339
01:26:37,330 --> 01:26:39,300
Christina.
1340
01:26:42,110 --> 01:26:44,940
Michael, you've been so generous taking care of all this...
1341
01:26:45,140 --> 01:26:46,300
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1342
01:26:46,510 --> 01:26:48,600
-Absolutely. -Thank you so much.
1343
01:26:48,810 --> 01:26:53,010
Of course. Ben's wife seems like a nice kid, huh?
1344
01:26:53,220 --> 01:26:56,150
-l think she's wonderful.
-Definite keeper.
1345
01:26:56,350 --> 01:26:59,880
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1346
01:27:05,230 --> 01:27:07,820
Out of all the songs, huh?
1347
01:27:09,470 --> 01:27:11,400
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1348
01:27:11,600 --> 01:27:14,500
...do you mind if l dance with my
ex-husband for a minute?
1349
01:27:14,700 --> 01:27:16,970
-Not at all. -Thank you.
1350
01:27:17,170 --> 01:27:19,730
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1351
01:27:19,940 --> 01:27:21,140
You got it, Bill.
1352
01:27:33,390 --> 01:27:35,760
Why does he have a bathing suit on?
1353
01:27:37,460 --> 01:27:39,620
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1354
01:27:51,640 --> 01:27:53,510
Still smelling good, huh?
1355
01:27:53,710 --> 01:27:56,200
After all these years.
1356
01:27:57,910 --> 01:27:59,380
Are you happy?
1357
01:27:59,580 --> 01:28:02,310
Of course l'm happy our son just got married.
1358
01:28:02,520 --> 01:28:07,180
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1359
01:28:07,390 --> 01:28:10,260
''Ended.'' lt's not over yet.
1360
01:28:10,460 --> 01:28:14,120
-That's my Donna. -lt's true.
1361
01:28:15,630 --> 01:28:17,260
That Samantha?
1362
01:28:17,870 --> 01:28:22,200
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1363
01:28:23,210 --> 01:28:24,610
What is with you?
1364
01:28:26,580 --> 01:28:28,440
Just kidding, l....
1365
01:28:28,640 --> 01:28:31,480
Just not used to seeing you all grown-up like this.
1366
01:28:32,480 --> 01:28:37,420
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling me that l look pretty, then thank you.
1367
01:28:37,950 --> 01:28:39,390
Let's go get some cake.
1368
01:28:39,590 --> 01:28:41,490
-l'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
-Okay.
1369
01:28:43,190 --> 01:28:44,820
''Dad''?
1370
01:28:47,330 --> 01:28:48,630
Michael, are you okay?
1371
01:28:51,230 --> 01:28:54,760
ls there a doctor? We need a doctor here!
1372
01:28:57,870 --> 01:28:59,170
Michael!
1373
01:28:59,380 --> 01:29:02,140
-Dad! -Dad!
1374
01:29:04,150 --> 01:29:05,840
lt's just corn flakes.
1375
01:29:31,170 --> 01:29:33,940
One dance, you pop an artery.
1376
01:29:35,210 --> 01:29:39,340
Why'd you make me waste my entire life?
1377
01:29:39,550 --> 01:29:41,640
You were fast-forwarding through your life...
1378
01:29:41,850 --> 01:29:44,220
...long before you ever met me.
1379
01:29:44,420 --> 01:29:46,480
You lived the life you chose, big shot.
1380
01:29:47,360 --> 01:29:49,450
This is not the life l wanted.
1381
01:29:49,660 --> 01:29:51,060
lt is.
1382
01:29:56,300 --> 01:29:57,490
Looks like it is.
1383
01:30:01,370 --> 01:30:04,500
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1384
01:30:06,440 --> 01:30:09,380
l feel better now that you guys are here.
1385
01:30:09,580 --> 01:30:11,840
Samantha's been here like 36 hours straight.
1386
01:30:12,050 --> 01:30:15,420
She said she wouldn't leave the hospital until you woke up.
1387
01:30:16,390 --> 01:30:20,410
-Why'd you do that?
-Because. You're my father.
1388
01:30:21,020 --> 01:30:23,490
l thought Bill was your father.
1389
01:30:24,230 --> 01:30:26,350
l have two fathers.
1390
01:30:27,330 --> 01:30:31,990
One of them told me he was gonna live till he was 200. Remember?
1391
01:30:33,900 --> 01:30:36,340
You both really need to get some sleep.
1392
01:30:36,540 --> 01:30:38,730
And l got a plane to catch.
1393
01:30:39,480 --> 01:30:42,170
Big Ben's gotta go on his honeymoon.
1394
01:30:42,850 --> 01:30:45,440
Actually, l just canceled the honeymoon.
1395
01:30:45,650 --> 01:30:49,520
Kensington deal might fall through, so l gotta go do damage control.
1396
01:30:49,720 --> 01:30:51,520
-Julie and l can go to ltaly anytime.
-No.
1397
01:30:51,720 --> 01:30:52,950
lt's not that big a deal.
1398
01:30:53,170 --> 01:30:55,400
-That's not fair to your wife.
-Dad...
1399
01:30:55,600 --> 01:30:58,540
...she gets it. Keeping the business going is more important.
1400
01:30:58,740 --> 01:31:01,500
Guys, l'm sorry. You're gonna have to leave. He needs his rest.
1401
01:31:01,710 --> 01:31:02,870
All right. Bye, Dad.
1402
01:31:04,180 --> 01:31:05,940
Bye, Daddy.
1403
01:31:17,390 --> 01:31:19,150
Get this off of me.
1404
01:31:23,700 --> 01:31:25,430
Whoa, whoa!
1405
01:31:25,630 --> 01:31:28,160
Hey, fella, you're a long way from walking out of here.
1406
01:31:28,370 --> 01:31:29,830
l gotta see my son.
1407
01:31:30,040 --> 01:31:32,440
You're not going anywhere. Now, get back into the bed.
1408
01:31:33,210 --> 01:31:35,260
-lsn't that Colin Farrell?
-Where?
1409
01:31:41,350 --> 01:31:42,710
Michael.
1410
01:31:42,920 --> 01:31:46,350
Those machines are keeping you alive.
1411
01:31:46,550 --> 01:31:49,020
l gotta talk to my boy.
1412
01:31:55,960 --> 01:31:58,190
-Michael, stop. -No.
1413
01:32:00,930 --> 01:32:03,930
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1414
01:32:12,580 --> 01:32:14,510
Ben!
1415
01:32:26,660 --> 01:32:27,850
Ben!
1416
01:32:36,600 --> 01:32:39,400
Ben!
1417
01:32:41,340 --> 01:32:44,740
Ben!
1418
01:32:47,280 --> 01:32:49,340
Dad? Dad?
1419
01:32:49,920 --> 01:32:51,910
Dad, what are you doing?
1420
01:32:52,120 --> 01:32:54,250
Are you okay?
1421
01:32:54,950 --> 01:32:58,520
-Oh, my God. -Help! Help!
1422
01:32:58,720 --> 01:33:00,720
-Dad! Dad! -Help!
1423
01:33:00,930 --> 01:33:02,480
Ben, Ben.
1424
01:33:06,570 --> 01:33:09,330
Family. Family. Family.
1425
01:33:09,540 --> 01:33:10,590
What?
1426
01:33:10,800 --> 01:33:15,170
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1427
01:33:15,740 --> 01:33:17,440
Family comes first.
1428
01:33:17,640 --> 01:33:19,770
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1429
01:33:20,250 --> 01:33:23,410
Honeymoon. l love you.
1430
01:33:25,220 --> 01:33:27,740
Samantha. Samantha.
1431
01:33:27,950 --> 01:33:32,250
l didn't make 200, but l love you.
1432
01:33:32,460 --> 01:33:34,290
l love you.
1433
01:33:35,030 --> 01:33:38,120
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1434
01:34:03,660 --> 01:34:05,650
l'm sorry.
1435
01:34:09,430 --> 01:34:10,900
Michael.
1436
01:34:11,100 --> 01:34:15,260
The note you wrote her, it's in your pocket.
1437
01:34:29,680 --> 01:34:32,340
Forever and ever, babe.
1438
01:34:39,060 --> 01:34:40,530
lt's time to go.
1439
01:35:15,560 --> 01:35:19,660
-Where am l? -You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1440
01:35:19,870 --> 01:35:21,360
l was just watching you sleep.
1441
01:35:21,570 --> 01:35:23,970
You looked like you were having a crazy dream.
1442
01:35:24,170 --> 01:35:25,140
What?
1443
01:35:25,340 --> 01:35:29,000
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds but l do sometimes.
1444
01:35:31,980 --> 01:35:34,170
l'm back in the store?
1445
01:35:37,720 --> 01:35:41,210
l'm young again.
l'm young again.
1446
01:35:41,420 --> 01:35:43,390
Well, l mean, you're not ''young'' young.
1447
01:35:43,590 --> 01:35:45,420
l'm young. You're kind of on the back nine.
1448
01:35:45,620 --> 01:35:48,920
No, no. No. l'm just teeing off, baby.
1449
01:35:49,130 --> 01:35:50,560
Look at you.
1450
01:35:50,760 --> 01:35:54,440
You want a friend? You want a friend? l'll be your friend, baby.
1451
01:35:54,640 --> 01:35:57,240
l'll be your friend. l'll be your--
1452
01:35:58,610 --> 01:36:00,980
Oh, my God!
1453
01:36:04,490 --> 01:36:07,010
Yes, my crappy car!
1454
01:36:07,220 --> 01:36:10,590
You mediocre, middle-class piece of shit!
1455
01:36:10,790 --> 01:36:12,560
l love you!
1456
01:36:21,740 --> 01:36:25,610
Pop, Pop. Pop. There he is. There he is.
1457
01:36:25,810 --> 01:36:28,000
-What's wrong? What happened?
-Nothing's wrong.
1458
01:36:28,210 --> 01:36:31,150
Everything's incredible, Ma.
l just wanted to tell you l love you.
1459
01:36:31,350 --> 01:36:32,870
-l love you. -l love you so much.
1460
01:36:33,080 --> 01:36:36,380
You gotta tell me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1461
01:36:36,590 --> 01:36:38,310
A magician never reveals his secrets.
1462
01:36:38,520 --> 01:36:40,990
However, if you invite us over for dinner more--
1463
01:36:41,190 --> 01:36:44,650
You come over tomorrow night, and the night after that. Any time you want.
1464
01:36:44,860 --> 01:36:47,850
-Stop, l'm gonna have a heart attack. -No, l have the heart attacks.
1465
01:36:48,060 --> 01:36:50,900
Thank you so much for giving birth to me l know it hurt. Okay?
1466
01:36:51,100 --> 01:36:54,560
You have no idea. But, honey, please stay off the bong pipe.
1467
01:36:54,770 --> 01:36:56,930
l can't promise you that.
1468
01:36:58,570 --> 01:37:02,240
Okay. l'm up.
1469
01:37:02,440 --> 01:37:04,210
What do you think?
1470
01:37:05,410 --> 01:37:08,110
lf you massage me first.
1471
01:37:08,320 --> 01:37:10,410
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1472
01:37:26,640 --> 01:37:30,700
Mom, wake up! There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1473
01:37:34,640 --> 01:37:35,870
What the heck is going on?
1474
01:37:36,350 --> 01:37:38,640
Hey, do you mind? l am trying to concentrate.
1475
01:37:38,850 --> 01:37:40,580
Here l am, staying up all night...
1476
01:37:40,780 --> 01:37:44,180
...trying to come up with activities for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1477
01:37:44,390 --> 01:37:45,680
...but you won't let me think!
1478
01:37:45,890 --> 01:37:49,980
You want time to think? Why don't you think about the fact that you just wo--
1479
01:37:52,730 --> 01:37:53,850
What did you just say?
1480
01:37:54,060 --> 01:37:56,900
Yes, you heard me. lf you keep up this weird attitude...
1481
01:37:57,100 --> 01:38:00,300
...l won't be able to work for a year and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1482
01:38:00,500 --> 01:38:03,130
-That make you happy? -Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1483
01:38:03,340 --> 01:38:04,360
Give me those big lips.
1484
01:38:06,640 --> 01:38:09,480
-What's going on down here? -Ben. Ben!
1485
01:38:09,680 --> 01:38:11,040
Come here. Oh, my God.
1486
01:38:11,250 --> 01:38:13,680
l missed you, l missed you. Look at you, boy.
1487
01:38:13,880 --> 01:38:16,940
l'm gonna finish the tree house. We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1488
01:38:17,150 --> 01:38:20,120
From now on, we're gonna exercise and l'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1489
01:38:20,320 --> 01:38:21,350
-All right! -All right.
1490
01:38:21,560 --> 01:38:24,890
And you. Nice jump! l love you.
1491
01:38:25,090 --> 01:38:27,820
One day, you are gonna be the hottest chick alive.
1492
01:38:28,030 --> 01:38:29,430
But you still gotta have brains.
1493
01:38:29,630 --> 01:38:31,530
So tomorrow l'm gonna teach you calculus.
1494
01:38:31,730 --> 01:38:32,930
You know calculus?
1495
01:38:33,140 --> 01:38:35,500
l knew you'd call me on that. Your mom will teach you.
1496
01:38:35,700 --> 01:38:38,430
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow we're going camping!
1497
01:38:38,640 --> 01:38:40,370
l know! lt's gonna be the best!
1498
01:38:40,580 --> 01:38:43,200
-Put a sweater on! Don't take it off! -Okay, Daddy.
1499
01:38:43,410 --> 01:38:44,940
Oh, and Sundance!
1500
01:38:45,150 --> 01:38:49,550
Doggie years go by very quick so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1501
01:38:51,520 --> 01:38:53,780
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1502
01:39:08,840 --> 01:39:11,810
What are you doing? What are you doing?
1503
01:39:13,140 --> 01:39:16,110
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1504
01:39:21,580 --> 01:39:23,570
They told me at the pet store it was a female.
1505
01:39:23,790 --> 01:39:25,150
They lied to me, l guess.
1506
01:39:27,420 --> 01:39:30,620
-You staying downstairs tonight? -Why? That's getting you going?
1507
01:39:31,730 --> 01:39:35,720
lt's Fourth of July l'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1508
01:39:35,930 --> 01:39:40,430
Take my time, massage her make sure she is fully satisfied.
1509
01:39:40,640 --> 01:39:44,570
But you know, it isn't the Fourth of July, it's only the second.
1510
01:39:44,770 --> 01:39:48,270
That's even better. Happy second of July, honey.
1511
01:39:48,480 --> 01:39:50,270
-Think l like this holiday.
-Yeah?
1512
01:39:50,480 --> 01:39:52,950
l'm gonna go change into my Pocahontas costume.
1513
01:39:53,150 --> 01:39:56,950
-l'll see you upstairs.
-l'll bring the duck.
1514
01:39:57,150 --> 01:40:00,950
Okay, l gotta call my dad and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1515
01:40:22,980 --> 01:40:26,210
''Like l said, 'Good guys need a break.'
1516
01:40:26,980 --> 01:40:30,210
l know you'll do the right thing this time.
1517
01:40:30,420 --> 01:40:32,890
Love, Morty.
1518
01:40:33,360 --> 01:40:34,720
P.S.:
1519
01:40:34,920 --> 01:40:38,650
Your wife's rocking body still drives me crazy.''
1520
01:40:39,360 --> 01:40:41,490
Okay, Morty.
1521
01:41:04,660 --> 01:41:07,190
Hey, who wants to have a pillow fight?
117432
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