Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Jake, I'm trying out a new recipe.

Do me a favor and taste it.

Oh, Rach, I hate it when you make

me do this.

Oh, come on, I'm trying to add something

to the menu.

Alright.

Is this apple pie you make with crackers

instead of real apples?

It's meatloaf.

It looks like tuna salad.

But it tastes like apple pie.

Hmm, meat that looks like fish but tastes

like dessert.

You know, Rach, you're getting better.

Last week you made pudding that looked like

meat but tasted like fish.

Large coffee to go, please.

I need lots of caffeine.

I was awake all night long.

Couldn't sleep, huh?

No, I was up wishing upon a star.

Yes, I couldn't sleep.

It's been going on for a week.

I wake up in the middle of the

night and I need to watch TV to

go back to sleep.

So what's the problem?

The problem is my TV doesn't work.

Ah, that piece of crap never works.

Look, Becker, as your super, I'm begging you,

buy a new one.

When I bring friends to your apartment, it's

embarrassing.

What?

Get some better snacks, huh?

Not that bad.

It's temporarily out of order.

John, my eyes are temporarily out of order.

Your TV is dead.

Yeah, Becker, why don't you just get a

new TV?

It says here in the paper that Tech

Town is having a cheap bastard sale.

Oh, sure, you know, just get a new

one.

That's your answer for everything.

It doesn't work, you know, don't fix it,

just throw it away.

You know, that's the trouble with our whole

society.

Everything's disposable, you know, nothing lasts, nothing's valued.

Remind me if I'm ever on life support

not to have you in charge of pulling

the plug.

Like I could get to the front of

that line.

Mmm.

I guess it hurts.

And you have a patient in one.

Who?

Mrs. Racino.

Oh, no, not that lunatic, not today.

All right, what's wrong with her?

I mean that I can fix it.

I have no idea.

You didn't ask her?

Uh-uh, I know better.

Hi, Dr. Becker.

Mrs. Racino, what is it?

You know when you told me I need

to drink eight glasses of water a day?

Yes.

Well, I'm finding it difficult to drink all

eight glasses of water.

How about if I drank seven glasses of

water and ate a big slice of watermelon,

would that count?

No.

How about seven glasses of water and a

can of water chestnuts?

No.

How about a water bagel?

No, no, not a water bagel, not a

water crescent, not a water buffalo.

Just drink the water.

You know when I go swimming, I always

swallow a little water.

Does that count?

No.

You know, you're probably right, because when I

swim, I get leg cramps.

Do you have anything for that?

I have some samples of a new drug

that might help.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, and I'll try to find something

for you, too.

Margaret, I need to get into the drug

cabinet.

Give me the key.

I don't have it.

Yes, you do.

I gave it to you yesterday.

And I gave it to Linda.

And I gave it back to you.

No, you didn't.

Linda, do you have any idea what could

happen if we lose the key to the

drug cabinet?

Our patients would have to buy all their

drugs on the street?

How can you be so irresponsible?

This is important.

You know, I want you to stop doing

what you're doing and go find the damn

key.

Margaret, I want you to phone this prescription

in for Mrs. Racina.

Somebody please get me some coffee.

You know, I can't function like this.

I can't concentrate.

Look at that.

My hands are shaking.

You know, I barely know where I am.

I'm running on fumes here, Margaret.

Okay, who's next?

Hey, I'm Clay.

Welcome to Tech Town.

You think tech, think Tech Town.

Totally tech all the time.

What can I do for you?

I'm having trouble with my TV.

Cool.

We sell TVs.

We have a full line of...

No, no, no.

I don't want a new TV.

Just give me a new one of these

and I'll be on my way.

What is that?

It's a tube.

How old are you?

Hey, listen.

Okay, okay, look.

Forget your old TV.

Check this out.

61-inch, HDTV upgradable, digital comb filter, 80

watts audio, two-tuner picture-in-picture.

Oh, my God.

On sale only $2,600.

Dollars?

My car didn't cost $2,600.

Now, why doesn't that surprise me?

Okay, you and I need to communicate.

Why don't you tell me how much you're

thinking of spending?

I'm not thinking of spending anything.

But if I were, well, what could I

get for 200 bucks?

Four years a TV guy.

Now, how about this?

36-inch, full AV and S inputs, picture

-in-picture.

Picture-in-picture?

I can't think of two things on TV

I'd like to watch in the same week,

let alone at the same time.

Look, I don't want a new TV.

I just want a new one of these

so I can fix my TV.

It only has one picture.

You know, no inputs, no surround sound.

One TV, one picture.

Sometimes my boss is, like, insane.

I swear, every time I turn around, he's

on my ass.

It's like he's everywhere.

Oh, I shouldn't have had that last margarita.

Give me something, anything.

A picture, you know, a flicker, anything.

Oh, alright, girl.

Alright.

Hello?

Hey, Jake, what's up?

Oh, this is John.

What the hell?

It's the middle of the night.

No, it's early.

It's like 2.30. Listen, I was just

thinking, you wanna come over and watch some

TV?

Are you crazy?

Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right.

You've got the big screen.

Hey, I know.

Why don't I come over there?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Is John here?

Yep.

What in the hell were you thinking, calling

me up at 2 in the morning?

He's at the table, Jake.

I mean, John, don't you think about anyone

else but yourself?

Order your right.

John, okay.

Other people have to sleep.

Too far right.

Alright, I know you do, somewhere.

Now, John, I'm only gonna tell you this

once.

You'll be the guest of honor.

Either you get yourself a new TV or

you get a new friend.

Because if you pull this crap again, I'm

gonna come to your house and club you

unconscious.

Oh, would you?

I'd really appreciate it.

Like I could get to the front of

that line.

You know, Becker, this no sleep thing is

getting chronic.

I mean, maybe it's not just about your

TV.

Often, insomnia is the physical manifestation of some

deep-seated psychological issue.

Yeah, see, this is how bad my insomnia

is.

Even your psychobabble isn't putting me to sleep.

All I'm saying is, you know, there could

be something going on in your subconscious.

Whatever's in my subconscious is none of my

business.

Well, well, I see all the flies have

gathered around the dumpster.

You know, Bob, you're my super.

I've called you like 12 times to fix

my window, so don't give me any of

your lame excuses.

Would my mother having surgery be a lame

excuse?

No, I guess it wouldn't be.

Well, then that's what happened.

You know, Becker, there are other things you

can try to get to sleep.

Yeah, like yoga.

That'd help people sleep.

I know it'd help Bob relax.

You do yoga?

No, but the girl in 4C does.

One time Bob got so relaxed, he fell

off a fire escape.

You know, John, you should do like my

grandmother used to do.

She used to take a hot towel, dip

it in lavender, and then wrap it around

her head.

Yeah, is that the same grandmother who used

to put garlic cloves in your shoes?

She was protecting me from evil spirits.

So you got yoga and voodoo.

Anything else?

Well, you could get one of those relaxation

tapes.

You know, where some boring guy talks you

to sleep.

It's not working now.

Why should it work later?

Whoa.

Where's my head?

John, you look awful.

This is crazy.

You can't function without sleep.

Oh, please.

Margaret, when I was in medical school, I

used to go without sleep for weeks at

a time.

No problem.

And 20 years ago, I could dance all

night in a halter top and hot pants.

Things change.

Margaret, I'm fine.

You are not fine.

Let me cancel the patients.

Go home and get some sleep.

No, no, no, no.

Don't cancel his sleep.

I'll get some patients soon.

Well, well, well.

Guess what I found this morning.

I'm on the move for guessing games.

Well, then I'll get right to the point.

It's not so easy when the shoe's on

the other foot, is it?

That can't possibly be the point.

I'm talking about this.

It's the key to the drug cabinet that

you accused me of losing.

I was home making coffee this morning, and

I found it in the same bag of

coffee that you used here yesterday.

What was office coffee doing in your apartment?

If I hadn't stolen the coffee, we'd never

have found the key.

So the next time you assume something's my

fault, just remember, when you assume, you make

an ass out of me.

John.

John, Dr. Rigosi stopped by.

He wants to talk to you about that

patient you referred to him.

But I gotta warn you, he's a little

hard to understand.

Margaret, I'm a doctor.

I know how to talk to another doctor.

We have our own medical shorthand.

For God's sake.

Ah, Dr. Rigosi.

I'm more tired than I thought, Margaret.

Don't look at me.

I'm lost in the medical shorthand.

No, no, no.

It's just me not saying.

Sometimes people haven't heard in time you can

understand again.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Uh, thanks for dropping by.

Oops-a-la.

Ah, do that.

Hell of a nice guy.

He left a chart.

Yeah, I know that.

He, uh, he mentioned it.

The key to a restful sleep is total

relaxation.

Easing the tension in your body one muscle

at a time.

Let's start with your feet.

All right.

Okay.

Now, relax your calves.

Good.

That's good.

Now, relax your thigh.

No, wait a minute.

I didn't say...

Now, relax your buttocks.

I don't know which is worse.

You dressed like Norma Desmond or that some

guy is telling you to relax your ass.

This happens to be a lavender head wrap.

Ooh, my mistake, Coco.

What the hell are you doing here anyway?

I'm gonna build you a tree house.

What do you think I'm doing?

I'm here to fix your window.

Well, hurry up, will ya?

I need to get some sleep.

You're floating on a pillow of air.

Everything is calm and peaceful.

Get out, Bob.

I can't stand looking at you.

Come on, Tammy.

You promised I could stay, baby.

It's our honeymoon.

Come on.

Give me something.

You know, a crappy movie, an infomercial, anything.

Oh, no.

Don't die.

Come on.

Live.

Live, Timmy.

Live.

I don't believe this.

Hey, this is Jake.

Look out the window, then look in the

mirror.

If it's dark outside and you're John Becker,

do me a favor.

Go to hell.

Rude, but you gotta admire the effort.

Hello?

Hey, Reg.

Huh?

It's Becker.

What do you need?

What?

It's 2 in the morning.

You must have wanted something.

I didn't call you.

What's the difference?

We're talking.

Hey, as long as you're up, you mind

if I come over and watch your TV?

How do you know I'm not here with

someone else?

Are you?

Okay, come over.

But this is gonna end tonight.

We're gonna go buy you a new TV.

What?

Now?

Those places are open all night.

You think you're the only idiot in New

York?

All right, I'll be over in 20 minutes.

Bob, get out of here.

Will you go sleep in your own bed?

Okay.

Will you just listen to me?

You know, Bob was there to fix my

window.

He fell asleep on the couch, that's all.

Hey, don't ask, don't tell.

Hey, look who's back, and you brought the

wife.

She's not my wife.

You mean you're on a date and you

brought her here?

Wow, you are cheap.

We're not on a date.

You know, she happens to be the...

Why am I explaining myself to you?

All right, all right.

So you're here to buy a TV this

time, or are you just gonna take another

peek into the future?

Yes, yes, I wanna buy a TV, but

just a normal one, you know, no gadgets.

Okay, how about this?

36 inches, picture-in-picture, on-screen display.

No, I said no gadgets.

I can't help it, man, they all do

stuff.

Give him a break, he's just trying to

help you.

Thanks, ma'am.

Ma'am.

Skippy, over here.

Look, I want a TV, but just don't

go nuts, all right?

Okay, man, you broke me.

Here, 27-inch discontinued model, $450.

It's too expensive.

Okay, floor model, 20-inch, $375 out the

door.

It's still too much.

I'll kick in 20 bucks of my own,

please just take it and go.

Becker, what is your problem?

He's practically giving it away.

I don't care, you know, at least my

TV has character.

These TVs have no souls, and I'll tell

you something else, I don't like the way

they're looking at me.

Is he okay?

We're gonna need a minute.

What?

What is going on with you?

Where is this coming from?

I don't, look, I just wanna go home,

please.

You're not gonna get a TV?

I have a TV.

Your TV's dead, let it go.

I don't want to.

I've had that TV ever since I went

to college.

You know, my mother bought it for me.

I've watched the moon landing on that TV,

the 1969 Mets win the series, Nixon's resignation,

you know, lots of good times.

Hold it a second, did you say your

mother bought it for you?

Oh, you know, you psychology types hear the

word mother and you start to salivate, believe

me.

She has nothing to do with it.

Well, maybe she does, she's gone now, right?

Oh, fine, doctor, you know, yes.

My mother passed away years ago.

Well, when did your TV start to break?

Well, I, I don't know, last week, I

guess.

And when did you start losing sleep?

Last week.

Well, did you ever think that when your

TV started to break it might have brought

up a lot of feelings about your mother?

I mean, maybe you felt like you were

losing an important connection to her.

Maybe that's what's been bothering you and keeping

you awake.

I don't know, maybe.

I know that since my father died the

strangest things remind me of him.

I mean, it happens all the time.

It's kind of sweet, really.

My...

My mother could barely afford my tuition, she

still bought that damn TV.

You know, I dragged that through apartments, dorm

rooms, two marriages.

No matter what changed in my life, that

TV was always there for me.

Well, you know, just because you get a

new TV doesn't mean you have to lose

the memories of your mother.

Yeah, I know.

God, I'm screwed up, I hate that.

So, it was psychological.

I was right.

I hate that even more.

Thank you, buddy.

Oh, man, you know, I can buy a

TV anytime.

I'm really exhausted, I need sleep.

So, make a decision?

Think you're gonna like that one.