All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S09E05 - How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

"Will & Grace" is recorded

in front of a live
studio audience.

- Big day.
- Big day for you, too.

Hey, this suit says
"Senior Partner," right?

Not "lesbian minister?"

Change the tie.

And I can still pull off
this dress, right?

Yeah, you should pull that dress off

and put on a different dress.

Okay, good call.

You're gonna make senior partner.

And you're gonna land this client.

Can you imagine?
Me doing 15 boutique hotels.

I mean, that would change
the entire trajectory

of my business. Oh, hey, hey.

- What about that short little...
- What did we say

about miniskirts after 40?

No more knees.

If I get this, I know exactly

what the rest of my life
would be like, you know?

No more worries. No surprises.

Yep, that's why your letters
to Santa always had a P.S.

"Don't get creative. Stay on list."

What's gay, beautiful, and just got rich

for doing nothing?

Jared Kushner?

It's me.

I gave Theodore at work
a dollar to buy a scratcher,

and he just texted me we won two grand.

I'm a thousandaire.

Wait, who's Theodore?
I thought you worked

for a guy named Alvin.

Theodore's Alvin's brother.
They both work

at the Rec Center.

Do Theodore and Alvin have
another brother named Simon?

You're much older than me,

so I don't get your Chipmunks reference.

- Better?
- I don't love the scarf.

It's a little too, "Put your tray tables

in the locked and upright position."

- I knew it.
- Give the scarf to me.

You see? Now the fan makes sense.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Thanks, Caddy. Put my clubs over there.

Oh, and tell Masseur that
I just played the front nine

and need a back rub.

Actually, tell him I played
the back nine

and need a front rub.

Say, a morphine drip.

Why, that's a nice touch.

No card? Huh.

Hello, this is Mrs. Walker in 705.

Who do I have to thank

for this lovely morphine drip
in my room?

What? I'm not recovering

from plastic surgery.

I've never had anything done in my life

in the United States.

What do you mean,
someone else booked the room?

I pay a lot of money to belong
to this country club,

and I booked this hospitality
suite months ago.

I'd like to see who has balls
big enough to ask me to move.

Well, well, well.

I must have died during surgery,

'cause the devil herself is before me.

Why, Beverley Leslie.

I thought they'd torn down

all the corroded old
Confederate statues.

You remember my business
associate, Benji.

What happened to the other Benji?

Ooh, something terrible happened to him.

He got old.

Give us the room, Benji.
Go work on your hammies

for our meeting later.

Now that the pleasantries are over with,

get out of my room, Dixie Dinklage.

I'm not going anywhere.

I've just had extensive plastic surgery.

Where? Oh, wait.

Let me guess. Labia reconstruction?

- Now get out of my room.
- I'm not going anywhere.

Please, just let me rest
for a little while.

We'll discuss this later.
Now, help me into the bed.

Oh, all right.

I've seen Gardener do this
with sacks of peat moss.

Now hook up my morphine drip.

- Oh, I'm in terrible pain.
- You think you're in pain.

This martini is dry as a bone.

And since we would custom
make everything in the rooms,

your hotel guests could go
online and buy all of it.

Now, Eli, I know that we're
a small business.

It's just me, my assistant,
and an apprentice designer.

But I promise you that
we can rise to the occasion.

Should I sleep with Andy Cohen?

You're gonna have to go
with your gut on that one.

Well, I get what you're all about.

You've got a great eye.

I guess it's just, like,

"Do I wanna write a Cinderella story?"

I think you do.

You could be my fairy godmother.

I didn't mean "fairy" like "gay."

Unless you loved it, and in that case,

it's like, "Hey!"

I'm getting on a helicopter at eight.

It's between you and one other designer.

Think about something you
can bring to the table

that's gonna close this deal.

Um, you know what?
I think I have something

that you might like.

Tony?

You need me, Grace?

Okay, I like where your head's at.

What's your kink?

- I'm straight.
- I'm listening.

- I... I don't know.
- I mean, I guess I also like

cuddling with my girlfriend afterwards.

I don't really know her,
so I'm gonna pass.

Um, darn it?

- I'm sorry, Tony.
- Um, can you grab the layouts

that we were working on?

- Sure thing.
- Thank you.

I wasn't quite ready
to show you these yet,

but I...

- Who's that?
- My roommate.

And I will call him back.

Is he into guys?

Big time homo.

You wanna go to the ball, Cinderella?

Stick that in a pumpkin
and send it my way.

Okay.

So, the scratcher's in your hand.

Then what happens?
Don't leave anything out.

- Okay, you ready for this?
- Yeah, yeah.

I need three matching numbers.

I have two with one box

- left to scratch, okay?
- Oh, my God, Theodore!

Okay, so, keep going. Yeah.

All right, so I found a pencil

with a missing eraser, right?
And I think to myself,

"Will this metal band work

as a scratching device?"

Only one way to find out.

I try it. It works.

Third matching number. $2,000.

Oh, my gosh!

That story had conflict. It had drama.

It's what Shonda calls "conflama."

And don't you think I forgot
who bought me the ticket.

I got something coming to you, too.

Theodore.

There you go. Love you, man.

Thanks for the dollar.

Yo, check out this mini
espresso maker I just bought.

It's coming in a little later today.

Pop a mini pod in,
makes a perfect cup of coffee.

Where's the other $999?

- What you mean?
- I paid for that ticket.

So half the money is mine.

I already bought a very expensive item.

What?

Not a jean jacket with
my best friend Karen's face

emblazoned on the back,
if that's what you're implying.

Jack, that money isn't yours.

- You said, "We won $2,000."
- I said, "I won $2,000."

- You said, "We"!
- I said, "I."

- Check the text.
- I will!

What matters here
is the principle, Theodore.

I financed your investment.

You should give me half that money.

But I'm not going to.

So we got conflict and we got drama.

How dare you throw conflama in my face?

Hello?

No, you got the wrong number.
This is not Jhanvi.

No, it's not Nirmalan, either.

Yes, ma'am. If I see either one,

I'll tell them to call home.

- Well, anything?
- No.

The review went great.

I'm still waiting for them to call.

Hello?

No, I am not Jhanvi.

Wait, is this Nirmalan?

You're supposed to call your mom.

Happy to help.

How'd your meeting go?

- Great.
- It's between me

and one other designer.

That's amazing. What can you do

to seal the deal?

Well, I feel like
I've done all I can do.

You know what I was thinking
about today for some reason?

How cool is it that gay guys

don't make a big deal about sex?

That's a huge generalization.

Yeah, but you know what I mean.

It's like, you could hook up
with a guy you barely know

and it would be fine.

Maybe in my 20s.

Yeah, but who doesn't miss their 20s?

Being a young single guy
having meaningless sex

with a young single guy.

Potentially helping a friend
in the process.

Grace.

Are you trying to pimp me out
to your client?

No, of course not.
Unless you're up for it.

Grace!

I'm sorry. Okay, okay.

Just forget what I said.
I'm a terrible person.

It's just that you called in
the middle of my presentation,

and Eli said that you had
a cute gay face,

and I said you were
a big time homo, and...

Eli, as in Eli Wolf?
Your hotel guy is Eli Wolf?

Yeah, you've heard of him?

Of course I've heard of Eli Wolf.

He's a total power gay.

He's hot. He's rich.

He's exactly who a potential
senior partner should be with.

And you're a potential senior partner.

I know. I love him for me.

Aww, nuts.

There's nothing in the mini-bar.

Or, as you call it, bar.

Has that morphine kicked in yet?

Karen, I've always considered
you a dear friend.

That's a yes.

I feel a burning need to share something

intensely personal with you.

But it's just so hard to say out loud.

Oh, for God's sake. Don't cry.

You look like Jeff Sessions
watching a black man vote.

Karen, this may come
as a great shock to you.

But I'm a homosexual.

That's it?

What's your next bombshell?

Harvey Weinstein isn't always
a perfect gentleman?

That's it. I'm gay.

Does the hustler posing as
your business associate know?

He suspects.

Karen, I need you to help me
come out to my wife, Crystal.

Tonight would be
a good night to tell her,

but it's her 90th birthday,
and I'm afraid the shock

might kill her.

Come to think of it, tonight might be

the perfect night to tell her.

All right. Fine.

But if I help you, I get my room back.

Deal.

Wait a minute. Crystal's already dead.

I went to her funeral.

You and original Benji
had the first dance.

The first shovel of dirt
on the coffin revived her.

And I learned a valuable lesson.

Appreciate every day of your life.

And when it comes to your loved ones,

cremate.

Always cremate.

But that's not right.
I didn't sign for it.

No, I don't have the espresso
maker in my possession.

So whoever told you...

Oh, hey, partner.

Where is she?

Where's my tiny coffee maker, Jack?

Oh, she's in a safe place.

But you'll never find her without me.

- Is it the girl's bathroom?
- No.

- Get out the way or I'll...
- Or you'll what?

You can't hit a gay man.
It's a hate crime.

Besides, the second you walk out,

I'll find where you're keeping
that money you owe me.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Is it in the cigar box
inside the shoebox

- inside your desk drawer?
- No.

Ah, ow, oh.

- Ha!
- Ha ha!

- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha ha!

Gimme half that money or else!

Or else hitting a black man
is a hate crime, too.

Rarely enforced, but still.

- Well, I'm not racist.
- And I'm not homophobic.

Then it looks like we've arrived

at a real Mexican stand-off.

Wait, is that bad?

Should it be Hispanic stand-off?

Or is saying "stand-off" like I
think they're all standoffish?

I think you need to be
more earth tone, neutral.

And I think it's Latino-American now.

Oh, right. Totally.

Then it looks like we're
arrived at a real

Latino-American misunderstanding.

Will, congratulations.

I made senior partner.

I know exactly what the rest of my life

is gonna look like.

And I feel... I don't know what I feel.

Is this really what I want?

Charles has so much suppressed rage,

he's gnawed off all his nail beds.

I think Eileen's dead.

Goldblet. God, he's always hated me.

Welcome, Will. You're one of us now.

One of us. One of us.

One of us. One of us.

One of us. One of us.

- One of us.
- Run.

One of us. One of...

I hate my job.

My whole life, I've been working towards

something that I don't even want.

I thought I wanted to be
partner, but I don't.

I thought I wanted to have
sex with you, but I don't.

Oh, no, no, no. No, I can rally.

Look, no more tears.

- Let's have some fun.
- Okay.

It's just that I, uh, I hate my job.

I just got a text from Eli
that the date was a bust.

What happened?

I was upset.
I wasn't exactly in the mood.

Well, couldn't you
at least have given him

a little something-something?

I would have done it for you.

You absolutely would not have.

Well, it's different for a woman.

Thank you. I just lost

the biggest gig of my career.

- Something you wanna ask me?
- What else is there?

Of course. I'm such an idiot.

Did he say what hotel he was staying in?

That's the question you have for me?

I remember. He said he was

taking a helicopter.

Maybe I can still fix this.

Hello?

Hey, Jhanvi.

Yes, I have been crying.

You know what hurts more than the money?

Although, make no mistake,
the money hurt a great deal.

I thought you were a good person.

Well, that's entirely on you.

'Cause I've given you
absolutely no reason

to think well of me.

Mr. McFarland, can you
walk me to the subway?

My dad's car died.

But he's a Lyft driver.
How's he gonna do his job?

He's not.
The repairs cost, like, $1,800.

Isn't that about $2,000
minus a tiny coffee machine?

- That must be
- a white person question.

Tasha, wait.

Just tell your dad you found a scratcher

and you won enough money
to get his car fixed, okay?

- What do you mean?
- He means,

"I'm gonna give you the money."

What are you...

What... What...

Oh, my God. You're an amazing person.

Wait, that's not even his.

It's not about whose money
it is, Theodore.

It's about Tasha and the
nice thing I just did for her.

Thank you so much. I'll wait out front.

Okay.

Great.

I knew you were a good person, Theodore.

At least your coffee machine's paid for.

I may have made a very
expensive credit card purchase

that I can't pay off now.

Can't you just return it?

Not really.

Beverley, I'm back. Beverley!

Sorry, Crystal and I
were helping each other

use the toilet. Don't try to get up

on your own, birthday girl!

It's like her arms
are made out of balsa wood.

I thought long and hard
about how to help you

come out to Crystal.

What on Earth are you talking about?

The secret you told me when
you were guzzling morphine

- like a little hamster.
- What exactly did I tell you?

That you like Ding Dongs
more than Ho Ho's.

That you gobble more hot dogs

than a Japanese competitive eater.

That you've been ridden
by more bears than a bike

in a Russian circus.

Pip-posterous. Me, a homosexual?

The very idea makes me howl
with manly laughter.

- Get out of my room.
- This is my room,

and I would never give it up to you.

We had a deal, you finger puppet.

- The deal is off.
- All right.

Well, I guess you win
this round, Beverley.

But before I go, let me just send

my birthday wishes
to your beautiful bride.

What did you say in that message?

Just a suggestion as to how

she could celebrate this
birthday with her husband.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

That means she wants to make love.

From the front.

Chin up, Beverley.
Think of it like golf.

Just keep hacking away at the sand trap,

and hope you get it close to the hole.

Eli, wait.

I've already made
my decision, Grace. you would.

Well, you should have picked me.

I have vision.

And instinct.

And if you're going
to ignore all of that

because I didn't get you laid,
well, then I don't wanna

work with you anyway.

I did choose you, Grace.
You got the job.

This is big, Grace.

I need to be your only client.

I'm all yours. This is my dream job.

Too bad Will doesn't feel the
same way about his job, huh?

What do you mean?

Did he hear something?

I didn't ask him.

I get it, universe. I'm garbage.

Oh, look. It's white Diana Ross.

I didn't ask you why you were upset.

You didn't make senior partner?

- No, I did.
- Congratulations!

- And I'm miserable.
- Why?

Because I don't wanna be
a corporate lawyer

for the rest of my life.

I was wrong, Grace.

I want surprises.

Will, you want surprises?

How about this? Come work with me.

What?

Eli hired me to do his hotels.

It is working on a scale
that I never even dreamed of.

I mean, I'm thrilled, but I'm terrified.

It's too big for me.
I... I can't do it alone.

- What exactly are you...
- Quit your job.

Let's run my business together.

Grace, what you're saying
goes against every fiber

of my being. I'd be taking

the biggest risk of my life.

- So you're in?
- 100 percent.

Yeah!

Oh, my God! I'm so excited!

- Me and you.
- You and me.

- We're the perfect team.
- Perfect team.

- Will and Grace.
- Uh...

It sounds weird.

Grace and Will.
Now that sounds like a thing.