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Will & Grace Is Shot Before A Live Studio Audience
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Honey, why are you making me
go to work on a Saturday?
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I should be home, making love to Stan
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and watching cartoons.
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Ah, I love cartoons!
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You heard what we were talking about?
7
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No.
8
00:00:20,932 --> 00:00:22,479
Jack, why do you have to use my shower?
9
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Four reasons: one, your
water pressure's better.
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Two, you've got that hand attachment
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that gets to all those
fun-to-reach areas.
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00:00:28,744 --> 00:00:31,148
And three through four,
I've had two dates this week
13
00:00:31,244 --> 00:00:32,995
with a bear who clogged my drain.
14
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Since when are bears your thing?
15
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I thought you were into twinks, twunks,
16
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and everything else that
Dr. Seuss didn't write about.
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All right, Karen, let's go.
18
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Grace, you work too much,
and you're not dating.
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It's Saturday morning.
20
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You should be slinking home
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with your contacts in a shot glass,
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scratches on your back,
and itches on your front.
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I went on a date last week.
24
00:00:58,121 --> 00:01:00,036
Yeah, that was the meeting
with the cabinet maker
25
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,771
you want to use,
and he was blatantly gay.
26
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,708
When I came home,
he was sitting on the couch
27
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in the pajama party position.
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I don't know that one.
29
00:01:06,763 --> 00:01:07,936
Humbled.
30
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Jack? Pajama party position.
Please demonstrate.
31
00:01:11,298 --> 00:01:13,221
Oh, yeah, sure.
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No heterosexual man
has ever sat this way.
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If a sitting position could have a lisp,
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it would be that one.
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Let's go, Kar.
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Honey, all I'm saying is that
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if you don't start dating,
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it's gonna turn into
a fireplace you never use.
39
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Open up the flue
and put a big log in there.
40
00:01:43,139 --> 00:01:46,122
Now that the men are off to work,
41
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what should us girls get up to?
42
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- Well, I read an article...
- No.
43
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- But you can volunteer...
- Boo.
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To clean historic houses.
45
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You know how people say.
46
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"Why is Will still single?"
47
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I'm not one of those people.
48
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Hi.
49
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Oh, I'm sorry, dear,
but I can't give you any money.
50
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I don't support arts and music
in schools.
51
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I don't need the competition.
52
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No, no.
53
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I'm looking for Jack McFarland.
54
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I'm Jack McFarland.
55
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You have a son named Elliot, right?
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Technically, although,
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like my friend Will and his hair,
58
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we had a falling-out years ago.
59
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Why do you ask?
60
00:02:26,488 --> 00:02:28,143
I found some of the letters
you wrote him,
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00:02:28,217 --> 00:02:30,737
and since I'm in New York with my
parents, I wanted to meet you.
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I'm sorry. Who exactly are you?
63
00:02:32,304 --> 00:02:34,941
Oh, I'm Elliot's son, Skip.
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One more time, dear. I'm a trifle "deef"
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in my upstage ear.
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I'm your grandson!
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Can I call you grandpa?
68
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Oh, my God, you have to.
69
00:03:06,281 --> 00:03:09,648
Hey, got ahold of Skip's
parents at the hotel.
70
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They're on their way, grandpa.
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00:03:11,162 --> 00:03:12,682
Oh, please!
72
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I just found out
my youth-obsessed best friend
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has a grandson.
I am obligated to torture you.
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It's in the contract.
75
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I didn't even know he existed.
76
00:03:21,066 --> 00:03:22,539
How could Elliot not tell me this?
77
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You haven't spoken to him in years.
78
00:03:24,332 --> 00:03:25,902
Because he moved to Texas,
79
00:03:25,942 --> 00:03:27,416
married someone super conservative,
80
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and he didn't even invite me
to his wedding.
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And you got your feelings hurt
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and cut him out of your life.
83
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I didn't cut anything!
84
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Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
85
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Edward Sissy-hands.
86
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This is your chance to patch things up.
87
00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:45,532
Elliot and his wife are coming over.
88
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Your grandson is in there.
Go talk to him.
89
00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:50,047
How am I supposed to connect
with a kid from Texas?
90
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I can't fish or hunt
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00:03:51,490 --> 00:03:53,953
or tell a woman
what to do with her fetus.
92
00:04:00,537 --> 00:04:02,615
So, Skip.
93
00:04:07,258 --> 00:04:08,779
Are you having fun in New York?
94
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,799
Yeah! I love it!
95
00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,403
Would you excuse us just for a second?
96
00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:18,459
Don't get too excited.
97
00:04:18,539 --> 00:04:19,991
We can't know for sure.
98
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Really? The pajama party position?
99
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Is that not enough evidence to convict
100
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misdemeanor over there?
101
00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:28,556
Take it easy.
We are not doing an episode
102
00:04:28,579 --> 00:04:31,370
of "Law & Order: LGBTQ."
103
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Don't mind me, boys. I forgot my Birkin.
104
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:41,668
Close your mouth, kid.
You're gonna catch a fly.
105
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,934
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, she is fabulous!
106
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Okay, Google,
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turn down the lights.
108
00:04:58,679 --> 00:05:01,007
Okay, Google, turn on the lights.
109
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Great. Mom's home.
110
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:06,258
Tony, I don't know what's going on here,
111
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but Karen always takes things too far,
112
00:05:08,727 --> 00:05:11,252
and she is grinding up against me
113
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right now, isn't she?
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She was, but it's more
like a dry hump thing
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with a little bit of spankings.
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Stop.
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Isn't there something that you
would like to say to Tony?
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Yes.
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I'm so sorry
120
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that I didn't think of this earlier.
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Heads up, Puerto Rico! Have a good time.
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Karen!
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It's okay, Grace.
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Every time she does it,
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I make her send a grand
to hurricane relief.
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Worth every peso.
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Karen, I don't know where to start.
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You have got to stop
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sexually harassing the employees.
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00:05:50,631 --> 00:05:53,275
It's bad enough that you do it to me.
131
00:05:53,371 --> 00:05:55,132
Well, honey, if you didn't
want me to play with him,
132
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why'd you buy him for me?
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Wait a minute.
134
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You bought him for yourself.
135
00:06:04,914 --> 00:06:06,972
Well, good for you, honey.
136
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That is exactly what you need.
137
00:06:09,575 --> 00:06:12,327
I am his boss.
I would never even think that.
138
00:06:12,577 --> 00:06:15,732
Oh, right. Because your snooch died.
139
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My snooch...
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is not dead.
141
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Then why isn't it breathing?
142
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For Halloween last year,
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I went as my favorite singer, Lady Gaga.
144
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Do you guys know who she is?
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Know who she is? Ha!
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Excuse me. I sewed my own meat dress.
147
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Okay?
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I went as Lady Gaga last Halloween.
149
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And the one before that
and the one before that and...
150
00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:52,747
and sometimes not Halloween.
151
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,045
So, Skip, you didn't mention
why you and your parents
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are here in New York.
153
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I'm going to a camp. Upstate somewhere.
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The best theater camps are upstate.
155
00:07:01,165 --> 00:07:02,915
French Woods? Stagedoor?
156
00:07:03,012 --> 00:07:04,418
Let me go to my apartment
and get some props
157
00:07:04,442 --> 00:07:05,878
for you to take with you. Oh, my God,
158
00:07:05,974 --> 00:07:07,473
this is so much fun. I can't believe...
159
00:07:07,496 --> 00:07:08,940
How old is my grandpa?
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He is in his early 100s.
161
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:13,574
Yeah.
162
00:07:13,598 --> 00:07:15,117
And if you tell him he looks 85,
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he'll be so flattered.
164
00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:19,183
- Elliot.
- Hey, Will.
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Dude, not cool.
166
00:07:20,419 --> 00:07:22,594
Oh, you cannot just run off like that.
167
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,774
Wow, look at you. You're a...
you're a real Texan now.
168
00:07:25,798 --> 00:07:27,681
I am. I drank the Kool-Aid
169
00:07:27,705 --> 00:07:30,861
and can no longer separate
church and state.
170
00:07:32,977 --> 00:07:34,343
That's my wife, Emma.
171
00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:36,591
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
172
00:07:36,754 --> 00:07:39,620
It's a really cute place you have here.
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Oh. It's very artsy.
174
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,892
Emma's never been here before.
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You don't say.
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00:07:46,444 --> 00:07:48,235
Well, you may find it
a little strange at first,
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00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,337
- but we're all ex...
- Now...
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00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:55,895
A good wig
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00:07:55,919 --> 00:07:57,593
is all about versatility.
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00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:58,616
Okay?
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00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,429
This one could be Sia
182
00:08:00,462 --> 00:08:02,634
or Cruella de Vil,
183
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:05,798
or an indecisive Anna Wintour.
184
00:08:07,245 --> 00:08:09,477
What happened? Did you leave?
185
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Elliot.
186
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,446
Jack.
187
00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:17,018
Nice costume.
188
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,386
Mom, guess what.
189
00:08:23,482 --> 00:08:25,155
Jack was Lady Gaga for Halloween too.
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Oh! Fun.
191
00:08:28,753 --> 00:08:30,311
All right, well, we need to go.
192
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We don't want to be late
for the first day of camp.
193
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,316
Yeah, it was really nice
meeting all y'all.
194
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,328
Could I say good-bye to Jack and Will?
195
00:08:36,379 --> 00:08:39,353
Quick, all right?
We'll be down in the lobby.
196
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Jack.
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00:08:40,917 --> 00:08:43,186
Elliot.
198
00:08:47,182 --> 00:08:48,433
I wish I could stay.
199
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,510
I know. Me too.
200
00:08:50,606 --> 00:08:52,626
Maybe we should, uh,
get Skip to the elevator.
201
00:08:52,723 --> 00:08:54,946
Okay, yeah. Hey,
what's the name of that camp,
202
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:55,964
so I can write you?
203
00:08:55,988 --> 00:08:57,911
Camp Straighten Arrow.
204
00:09:00,866 --> 00:09:02,015
"Straighten Arrow"?
205
00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:03,846
Is that a new theater camp?
I never heard of it.
206
00:09:03,998 --> 00:09:05,044
No, it's a...
207
00:09:05,068 --> 00:09:06,589
camp my parents found to fix me.
208
00:09:06,888 --> 00:09:08,047
Fix you?
209
00:09:08,104 --> 00:09:09,974
So I can be normal.
210
00:09:10,494 --> 00:09:12,128
Bye.
211
00:09:18,395 --> 00:09:19,760
Hey, I'm sorry about
212
00:09:19,784 --> 00:09:21,303
- what happened this morning.
- No. No, no, no.
213
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,603
Do not apologize.
214
00:09:22,627 --> 00:09:24,667
I feel terrible and embarrassed
215
00:09:24,691 --> 00:09:26,980
and hungry... but that's not about you.
216
00:09:27,076 --> 00:09:28,872
I talked to Karen.
217
00:09:28,924 --> 00:09:30,246
Look, it's not all on her, you know?
218
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,744
We were just fooling around,
and I was singing
219
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,327
her favorite song. You know, "Mercy"?
220
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:34,570
No, I don't.
221
00:09:34,594 --> 00:09:37,353
♪ Baby, please have mercy on me ♪
222
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:40,647
♪ Take it easy on my heart ♪
223
00:09:41,739 --> 00:09:43,663
You can sing.
224
00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:46,737
Thanks.
225
00:09:46,772 --> 00:09:49,138
You're welcome.
226
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:51,183
I like to sing too.
227
00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:56,953
I'm a bit of a singer myself.
228
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,392
- Really?
- Yeah.
229
00:09:58,462 --> 00:09:59,751
What do you sing?
230
00:09:59,982 --> 00:10:03,502
It's not like I have a song, per se...
231
00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:06,221
♪ Green finch and linnet bird ♪
232
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,138
♪ Nightingale, blackbird ♪
233
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:15,013
♪ How is it you sing ♪
234
00:10:17,859 --> 00:10:19,248
Not bad. Wow.
235
00:10:19,292 --> 00:10:21,290
But maybe try singing it
from your diaphragm, though.
236
00:10:21,399 --> 00:10:23,879
- Do you mind if I show you?
- Oh. Yeah.
237
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:26,146
All right.
238
00:10:28,373 --> 00:10:29,622
Okay.
239
00:10:29,718 --> 00:10:31,231
Now push your voice against it.
240
00:10:31,269 --> 00:10:34,458
Give me an... ♪ Oh ♪
241
00:10:34,528 --> 00:10:36,471
♪ Oh ♪
242
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,795
♪ Oh, my God, it feels so good ♪
243
00:10:37,818 --> 00:10:41,243
♪ To have a man's hands on my body ♪
244
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,823
You don't know that song?
245
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,247
It's a song.
246
00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:57,325
You know it. It's by...
247
00:10:57,421 --> 00:10:59,499
The Dead Snooches.
248
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,982
I'm gonna go and... I'm gonna go
and download it for you.
249
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,719
♪ He's got boys being boys ♪
250
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,188
♪ In his hand ♪
251
00:11:15,212 --> 00:11:17,232
♪ He's got girls being girls ♪
252
00:11:17,428 --> 00:11:18,795
♪ In his hand ♪
253
00:11:18,819 --> 00:11:21,147
♪ He's got boys-only-marryin'-girls ♪
254
00:11:21,172 --> 00:11:22,547
♪ In his hand ♪
255
00:11:22,571 --> 00:11:24,300
♪ He's got the
whole-natural-order-of-things ♪
256
00:11:24,324 --> 00:11:25,977
♪ Where-people-act-
like-the-Lord-intended ♪
257
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:28,349
♪ In his hands ♪
258
00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:31,139
♪ He's got suits and dresses ♪
259
00:11:31,163 --> 00:11:32,490
♪ On the right person ♪
260
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,807
♪ He's got boys chasing girls ♪
261
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:36,967
♪ Appropriately, he's got boys... ♪
262
00:11:37,604 --> 00:11:38,763
So what exactly
263
00:11:38,787 --> 00:11:40,460
are we supposed to do? As a sperm donor,
264
00:11:40,484 --> 00:11:42,137
the law doesn't recognize you
as a relative,
265
00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:43,518
just as someone who made a little money
266
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:45,274
doing what he would
normally do for free.
267
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,201
Are you suggesting that
we make a life-size dummy
268
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:50,301
using pillows and overalls
and leave it in Skip's place
269
00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:51,366
while we take him away?
270
00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:52,679
Oh, my God, it's as if
271
00:11:52,703 --> 00:11:54,954
you can read the minds of other idiots.
272
00:11:55,436 --> 00:11:58,121
No, we can't kidnap him. We need a plan.
273
00:11:58,145 --> 00:12:00,435
Okay, okay, okay. Um, how about, um...
274
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,564
Well, go ahead.
Say what you were gonna say.
275
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:03,999
- I wasn't gonna say anything.
- No, no, go ahead.
276
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,197
I'll say mine afterwards.
277
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:06,305
- I'll get Skip.
- Skip...
278
00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:07,493
- I'll send him out here.
- Him out here...
279
00:12:07,517 --> 00:12:09,283
- You tell him this is a bad place.
- A bad place.
280
00:12:09,308 --> 00:12:10,679
And if he wants to leave, then we'll do
281
00:12:10,703 --> 00:12:13,742
- everything we can to help.
- Help him. Yeah.
282
00:12:14,743 --> 00:12:16,105
Yeah, that's right.
That's what I was gonna say.
283
00:12:16,129 --> 00:12:18,244
- Ah.
- Keep going.
284
00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:20,320
- I'll find a way to divert the staff.
- Divert the staff.
285
00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:21,515
And you talk to him.
286
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:22,500
Talk to him. Yeah.
287
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,527
Yeah, I was gonna say
288
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,099
"distract the staff," but I don't know,
289
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:26,660
I guess yours could work.
290
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,650
Great, and we'll talk
about having a good time
291
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,500
and not acting on our impure impulses.
292
00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:36,764
It's not your fault...
293
00:12:37,485 --> 00:12:39,907
Jack?
294
00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:42,158
What are you doing here?
295
00:12:42,248 --> 00:12:43,984
What are you doing here, bringing Skip
296
00:12:44,008 --> 00:12:45,390
to a place like this?
297
00:12:45,479 --> 00:12:47,152
What happened to you, Elliot?
298
00:12:47,404 --> 00:12:48,846
What happened to us?
299
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,409
You know what happened.
300
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:52,937
You never approved of me
being with someone like Emma.
301
00:12:52,962 --> 00:12:55,289
I'm sorry if we have
certain beliefs that you don't.
302
00:12:55,438 --> 00:12:57,409
Because they're terrible beliefs.
303
00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,676
Oh, well, that's really open-minded.
304
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,383
It's who we are, Jack. You can't
305
00:13:01,407 --> 00:13:02,855
judge someone for who they are.
306
00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:05,784
Are you honestly saying that here?
307
00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:09,604
I have never been
100% clear what irony is,
308
00:13:09,668 --> 00:13:12,151
but I'm pretty sure that's it.
309
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:13,668
Ugh. We just...
310
00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:15,791
don't want him to...
311
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,305
Turn out like me?
312
00:13:18,414 --> 00:13:20,764
We're his mom and dad.
313
00:13:20,954 --> 00:13:23,148
Go home, Jack.
314
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:25,641
Okay, campers!
315
00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:27,322
I'm Reggie, and this here
316
00:13:27,346 --> 00:13:29,774
is my beautiful wife of ten weeks,
317
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:31,925
Roberta.
318
00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:34,139
No. No flirting, fellas, okay?
319
00:13:34,164 --> 00:13:35,876
She's taken.
320
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:39,305
Ah, you.
321
00:13:39,377 --> 00:13:41,479
Okay. Well, it is time now
322
00:13:41,545 --> 00:13:43,257
for what we at Camp Straighten Arrow
323
00:13:43,296 --> 00:13:46,008
call reorientation orientation.
324
00:13:46,152 --> 00:13:47,272
- Wordplay!
- Reg.
325
00:13:47,296 --> 00:13:49,356
Okay. So...
326
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,227
Did you see, guys,
what I did just there?
327
00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:53,304
That... and this...
328
00:13:53,329 --> 00:13:55,310
that's what we don't want.
329
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,315
- Because that didn't feel good.
- Mm-mm.
330
00:13:57,339 --> 00:13:59,438
- It didn't feel natural.
- Natural. Nope.
331
00:13:59,462 --> 00:14:01,482
Skip, don't turn around
and don't say anything.
332
00:14:01,763 --> 00:14:04,297
Are you here to be fixed too?
333
00:14:06,014 --> 00:14:07,611
Your grandpa wants to see you outside.
334
00:14:07,635 --> 00:14:08,921
Now, the important thing
335
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,522
is that we're all gonna have fun.
336
00:14:10,573 --> 00:14:12,516
Yeah. Because...
337
00:14:12,582 --> 00:14:14,257
♪ We pray, we pray ♪
338
00:14:14,281 --> 00:14:16,387
♪ We pray the gay away ♪
339
00:14:16,718 --> 00:14:18,447
♪ 'Cause boys like girls
and girls like boys ♪
340
00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:19,760
♪ And that's what God done say ♪
341
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,728
♪ Hey ♪ Okay.
342
00:14:23,952 --> 00:14:25,972
Honey, don't be so hard on yourself.
343
00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:27,577
It was bound to happen.
344
00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:29,668
- Was it?
- Yes, Grace.
345
00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:30,883
Crazy things happen
346
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:33,296
when you ignore you hoo-ha.
347
00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:36,168
It did feel good.
348
00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:38,636
You know, I think I have been denying
349
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,987
a vital part of me.
350
00:14:41,149 --> 00:14:44,381
I mean, I am a very sexual woman.
351
00:14:45,632 --> 00:14:47,112
Sure, I don't like to move around
352
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,832
when I'm doing it, and...
353
00:14:49,997 --> 00:14:51,171
once I got caught eating
354
00:14:51,195 --> 00:14:53,241
a sleeve of Ritz crackers during...
355
00:14:55,487 --> 00:14:58,286
But I am a woman in her sexual prime.
356
00:14:58,341 --> 00:15:01,099
Attagirl.
357
00:15:01,246 --> 00:15:04,284
I am going to put myself back out there.
358
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,769
My marriage died,
359
00:15:06,832 --> 00:15:09,466
but the rest of me didn't.
360
00:15:09,762 --> 00:15:12,629
Did you hear that, Sophia?
361
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,505
I talk to mine too.
362
00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:18,419
What's that, Jan?
363
00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:21,587
I know. Sophia's a domina... shh.
364
00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:24,765
Back in the old days,
365
00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:26,889
they used a shock collar
366
00:15:26,961 --> 00:15:28,900
to curb any unnatural tendencies.
367
00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:30,077
Remember those days, Reg?
368
00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:31,620
Ugh, I sure do.
369
00:15:31,782 --> 00:15:34,841
They were effective,
but really unpleasant.
370
00:15:34,925 --> 00:15:36,637
And besides, look at this thing.
371
00:15:36,661 --> 00:15:37,719
It's like, "Hello!"
372
00:15:37,743 --> 00:15:39,956
Aren't chokers over already?"
373
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,577
Excuse me. I have a question.
374
00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:43,421
Uh, I'm sorry, sir, but, um, but...
375
00:15:43,492 --> 00:15:44,990
but parents aren't allowed in the lodge
376
00:15:45,014 --> 00:15:46,279
for another 20 minutes.
377
00:15:46,303 --> 00:15:47,560
Oh, I... I'm not a parent.
378
00:15:47,584 --> 00:15:49,276
I'm the director
of the new conversion camp
379
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,283
across the lake, Camp Kick-a-Mo.
380
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:52,887
We don't have a lake.
381
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,584
Roberta, let the beautiful man speak.
382
00:15:55,837 --> 00:15:57,780
We at Kick-a-Mo thought
it might be fun to have
383
00:15:57,883 --> 00:15:59,711
a friendly competition with the other
384
00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:01,383
conversion therapy camp in the area.
385
00:16:01,408 --> 00:16:02,817
Well, I think I would
have heard if there were...
386
00:16:02,841 --> 00:16:04,879
It's a competition, Roberta!
387
00:16:08,181 --> 00:16:09,362
There's no way
388
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,599
you're a better conversion camp.
389
00:16:11,784 --> 00:16:13,357
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
390
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:16,499
Our success rate is tops in the country.
391
00:16:16,524 --> 00:16:18,390
Plus, all of our counselors
392
00:16:18,414 --> 00:16:21,280
are now certified straight people.
393
00:16:21,442 --> 00:16:23,602
You don't seem that certified,
394
00:16:23,654 --> 00:16:27,193
what, with your dewy skin
and your puffed-up basket.
395
00:16:31,311 --> 00:16:33,062
Oh, I'm certified, all right.
396
00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:35,325
In fact, I could kiss
397
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:37,763
any male counselor in this camp
398
00:16:37,787 --> 00:16:39,346
and not feel a thing.
399
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:42,448
- Well, that is the most ridi...
- Challenge accepted!
400
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,222
Well, uh, round one was a tie, kids,
401
00:16:51,246 --> 00:16:52,821
but round two is where
I'm really gonna...
402
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,403
Oh, God!
403
00:16:56,961 --> 00:16:59,245
The point is, this place can't fix you
404
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:00,866
because you're not broken.
405
00:17:00,982 --> 00:17:02,310
I'm confused.
406
00:17:02,361 --> 00:17:04,073
Of course you're confused.
407
00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:07,894
So, let me tell you a story
about another young man
408
00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:09,476
who was once confused.
409
00:17:09,664 --> 00:17:12,261
A young man who grew up
to be a model citizen
410
00:17:12,362 --> 00:17:13,725
and today is proud
411
00:17:13,749 --> 00:17:15,663
of who and what he is.
412
00:17:15,687 --> 00:17:19,130
People adore this man,
413
00:17:19,563 --> 00:17:21,364
not only because of his good looks
414
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,078
and dynamic personality,
415
00:17:23,102 --> 00:17:25,583
but because of his open, loving heart.
416
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,594
- Will?
- No, not Will!
417
00:17:31,032 --> 00:17:34,552
Will's a fat lawyer!
418
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,795
Why does that guy make
an impression on everyone?
419
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,191
I'm talking about me.
420
00:17:41,386 --> 00:17:43,028
It was hard for me once, too,
421
00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,803
but believe me, it gets better.
422
00:17:44,876 --> 00:17:46,222
I don't see how.
423
00:17:46,261 --> 00:17:49,088
Ugh. Skip...
424
00:17:49,113 --> 00:17:50,440
You are gonna be invited
425
00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:52,561
to so many good dinner parties.
426
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:54,735
And there's something else.
427
00:17:54,759 --> 00:17:56,554
When you get older, you'll understand
428
00:17:56,578 --> 00:17:58,743
that there's the family
you were born into
429
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,612
and the family that you choose,
430
00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:03,172
and the family I chose...
431
00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:06,524
well, it doesn't get
any better than that.
432
00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:08,894
But what do I do now?
433
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,525
I don't know.
434
00:18:10,563 --> 00:18:13,181
Your hero, Will, didn't
really think this through.
435
00:18:14,854 --> 00:18:17,643
You're just gonna have
to be really strong.
436
00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:19,855
It's hard, being me sometimes.
437
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,726
I know, but I'm gonna be there for you
438
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,154
as much as I can,
439
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:25,242
and when I'm not,
440
00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:27,473
I want you to picture me in your head,
441
00:18:27,551 --> 00:18:29,918
looking at you like I am right now,
442
00:18:30,462 --> 00:18:32,241
and saying, "You"
443
00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:34,964
are exactly who you're supposed to be."
444
00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:44,007
Made you some hot chocolate.
445
00:18:44,031 --> 00:18:45,878
With those little
marshmallows floating on top?
446
00:18:45,902 --> 00:18:47,356
We were out of marshmallows.
447
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,439
Ugh. This day couldn't get any worse.
448
00:18:55,945 --> 00:18:58,119
Hey. Could I speak to Jack?
449
00:18:58,143 --> 00:18:59,586
I don't think that's a great idea.
450
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:01,706
It's okay, Will.
451
00:19:05,371 --> 00:19:08,123
I spoke to Skip
and he told me what you said.
452
00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:09,961
Then I looked around and I saw the camp
453
00:19:09,985 --> 00:19:12,599
for the first time through his eyes.
454
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:15,210
Made me sick.
455
00:19:15,396 --> 00:19:16,684
I had to get him out of there.
456
00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,043
Thank God.
457
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,441
And then...
458
00:19:19,465 --> 00:19:21,292
In the car, on the way back to the city,
459
00:19:21,317 --> 00:19:24,991
Emma and I got into a
pretty big fight, and she said,
460
00:19:25,174 --> 00:19:27,413
"Do you really want Skip
to end up like Jack?"
461
00:19:27,629 --> 00:19:29,398
And I said, "You mean someone who'd"
462
00:19:29,422 --> 00:19:30,866
"drop everything to
463
00:19:30,907 --> 00:19:33,676
"help someone he cares for
live their truth?
464
00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:36,827
Yeah, I do."
465
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,820
Anyway, um...
466
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,950
Emma let Skip leave the camp.
467
00:19:42,238 --> 00:19:43,641
So...
468
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,130
I guess that's a first step.
469
00:19:46,571 --> 00:19:49,194
Jack, I know we haven't been
470
00:19:49,279 --> 00:19:51,991
close over the last few years, but
471
00:19:52,183 --> 00:19:54,283
you really do mean a lot to me.
472
00:19:55,967 --> 00:19:57,795
You're my dad.
473
00:19:57,852 --> 00:20:00,178
That means so much.
474
00:20:00,627 --> 00:20:03,589
But in public, you're my brother.
475
00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:13,987
So, uh, Skip and I are gonna
476
00:20:14,011 --> 00:20:15,625
hang around the city
for the next few days.
477
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,265
I was wondering if you
wanna take your grandson
478
00:20:17,289 --> 00:20:19,253
to his first Broadway show.
479
00:20:23,484 --> 00:20:25,600
Please look away.
480
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,826
I don't think a boy
should ever see his father cry.
481
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:31,947
I mean brother.
33508
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