Original subtitles

Tonight, from stage seventeen in studio city california!

And five, four, three, two, one

we are live!

Phil, Marlo welcome to my home

Wouldn't be my birthday without you

Marlo, look at you Vintage 60's with a plunging neck

Oh, and I like your dress, too It's cute

- How's your birthday party going? - Oh, I'm having a ball

How's selling Chiclets in my bathroom going?

I can't complain. Yoko Ono gave me two dollars for orange Tic-Tacs

I think she likes me

Oh, honey, she definitely likes you

Yeah, I just passed her in the hallway and she asked me

if she could buy the big wooden statue of sitting bull that's in my bathroom

- Hi! - Karen! You are here

When they said you were in the little girls' room

I just assumed they meant the room where you keep the maids' children

This is the most amazing party I have ever been to!

Celebrities everywhere!

You know the best thing to do at a party full of famous people?

Treat them normally and let them enjoy their evening?

No

Play ass tag

The person who touches the most celebrity ass without them knowing wins

I just got Liza Minelli

I think I broke her hip again

Now, I know you said not to bring anything

but I went ahead and made my award-winning Charleston Harbor pickled shrimp

You didn't win an award

You said look what I made for Karen and I said, "what do you want, a medal?"

Great. Pickled shrimp

Happy Rockefeller is gonna be farting all night long

Hey, trust me People are gonna love it

It's a sophisticated, elegant dish for a sophisticated, elegant evening

I gotta piss

Are you sitting down?

Ah, there you are

You are not going to believe who's here

Antoine! Remember him?

Thank you, dear

We had that horrible break up when he cheated on me

Literally on me

I woke up and he was having sex with another man on top of me

They had no idea I was asleep under the covers

Since the whole thing played out in a display window at bed, bath & beyond,

I was the laughing stock of that weird part of 6th avenue

So now we meet again and I am a huge success

while he's serving goat cheese tartlets to something called Gore Vidal

Anyway, I'm gonna go rub it in his face

Literally in his face Happy birthday, too

Oh, Karen, I am so happy

that you decided to throw yourself a big birthday party this year

Yeah, it beats the three of us dragging you down

to Chinatown every year for our little dinner

I love Chinatown

You can buy a bag of zippers this big for a dollar

I hand them out to poor kids

Aw, the look on their little faces as they zip and unzip their new toy

Yeah, well, um, we should get back out there I don't want to miss a minute of the party

I'm gonna try and get Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins in a double

When are those two gonna get married already?

I mean, we get it You're liberal

Well, thanks for coming, kids Really

I'm just so glad that you're all here

What the hell are they doing here?!

I specifically told you not to invite them!

I'm sorry lady, I sent them invitations by mistake

Oh yeah?

I think the real mistake was when your father

spotted your mother across a crowded swamp

dragged her back to his hut and made you

I never should have shown you our home movies

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How many of these am I supposed to take again?

A yes, eight

All right, that's it

I am no longer watching the "today" show

And not just because Katie Couric has so many

highlights it's like looking directly into the sun

Matt Lauer has insulted me

What happened, honey? Did he make fun of your forehead?

Or your beady eyes? Your gay mouth?

What was it?

I saw him take a bite of one of my Charleston Harbor pickled shrimp

make a big, stupid face, and then throw it behind the fireplace stools

That's what you were doing on your hands and knees in front of the mantle

I thought you met someone and were doing the gay presenting of the butt ritual

Karen, that only happens in your disgusting imagination

And Tuesday nights at baboon bar

No, I was retrieving the shrimp so I could shame Lauer in front of his cronies and

then I stood up and ripped my pants Please tell me you have a sewing kit here

I didn't know anyone was in here I`m sorry

- Hey, Mattie - Hey, Kare. How you doing?

Do you mind if I grab a mint or something?

I have this, bleh nasty taste in my mouth

- Nasty? - Yeah

What you have sir, is a lazy palate

And by the way, where in the world are Matt Lauer's manners?

- Oh, oh, hi - How are you?

Oh, oops

You already got me

Ah, damn it

Wow. Sounds like you kids are having kind of a bad night

Maybe you should go home

- Oh, no! - I'm having a great time!

Fine. Well. I'm going to go open my presents from Stan

Every year he hides my big gift in the overhang above his bikini area

Check it out

I just touched Philip Seymour Hoffman's ass

and he grabbed my boob

That man just got nominated for a golden globe

and then he grabbed one of mine

What do you think of that?

I think "globe" is a little generous

And he got some chicken pesto on your dress

oh, no!

I kept the tags on it so I could return it tomorrow!

Oh, my gosh, I have got to get cold water on this right away

Oh, my god, this is the biggest most obvious stain ever

Wow, I guess you can actually be too gay

Some of yours is leaking out

Yeah. Antoine and I decided to talk

So I sit down on this beautiful three-tiered chair

when all of the sudden after a few seconds

the whole thing gives out

You know what it turns out it was?

Karen's birthday cake?

Oh. I was going to say antique cake chair but yours makes more sense

Anyway, Rosie's coming in with

a quick change of clothes while I take a shower

Why don't you get undressed out here?

And leave myself exposed for Will to jump me? No thanks

Oh, wait, did Philip Seymour Hoffman have some of my pickled shrimp on his plate?

I ask because it was right next to the chicken pesto, so it only makes sense

No, no, no! No one likes your pickled shrimp

You know why?

Pickled Shrimp

Yeah, say whatever you want They're gonna catch on

Pretty soon, everywhere you look you're see gonna pickled shrimp

Well, well, well...

I walk in on a naked man a man in his underpants

and a woman who needs to leave

Beverley this isn't a good time

And I'm saying it could be

Get out!

Oh, settle down, woman Look at y'all

I've never witnessed such inappropriate behavior

No wonder Karen's never invited you to her birthday party

What? This is the first time she's ever thrown herself a party

Oh, my... Have I been indiscreet?

'Cause I'd hate to be the one to tell you Karen's been having this party for ten years

Really hate it

Really Ten years

Hate it

I can't believe it

This is impossible

All these years and she's been lying to us

It's worse than that

Karen uses Costco shampoo!

This is unbelievable

All these years we've been talking Karen out on her birthday

because we felt bad she didn't have a party

And all along she was having this huge thing behind our backs

I know

I hate when people have huge things behind my back

Usually

Rosie, why has Karen had this party for ten years

and never invited us until now?

You weren't invited to this one either I screwed up and put you on the list

It's outrageous!

Why wouldn't she want the three of us here?

You weren't invited because of one person and one person only

Rosie?

This is Rosie Come back

Get out here I want to introduce you to Diane Sawyer

I'm thrilled She's my idol

We're thinking of doing a trade and she wants to check your hair for lice

At least I have hair, lady

One person What does that mean?

Well, obviously she's embarrassed by one of us

And she can't invite the other two so none of us get to come

Well, who's she embarrassed by?

Gee, I wonder who Mrs. Roper

Yeah, well... I don't get that reference to "Three's Company."

While you two geniuses figure this out

I'm going to go tell Karen that it's okay if I'm the only one she invites next year

Because it's obviously not me she's embarrassed by

In case anyone was wondering

Beverley Leslie comes up exactly to my penis

You still sure you're not the one she's embarrassed by?

You basically just showed a leprechaun your pot of gold

You told John McCain you loved him in "cheaper by the dozen."

I fooled around with Antoine on top of all the coats

If she's embarrassed by anybody, it's me

Wait...

Anyway, it's obviously you, Grace Because, you know, you're a woman

That's always a little embarrassing

You know what I hear when you talk? "Blah blah blah blah blah."

You know what I see when you talk?

William hurt in a wig

You are both embarrassing!

If I had a party, I wouldn't invite either of you

I wouldn't want to go because everything would be pickled!

Do people not know how long it takes to pickle something?

I had to buy a barrel for God's sake

Those aren't easy to find

You'd think they'd sell them at Crate & Barrel

But, guess what? They don't

They don't sell crates, either

Hey, next time, save me the trip and name your store Ottomans & Wicker Crap!

You're a pompous bore, Will

What did you say to me?

I said

you are a pompous bore

You are so dead!

Stop! Stop it!

Hey! Stop it!

We are behaving like children!

You're right

This is not a good weapon

Grace! You got Visine in my eye!

What?

Great

Now I'm gonna have to climb back onto the roof

and load them all back into the hatch

Rosie! Get in here and clean this up

Okay. Everybody clear out This Will only take a second

Shouldn't somebody help her?

Nobody helps her She makes 350 thousand dollars a year

What kind of prescription plan are you on, by the way?

I think it's the, uh,

sneak a truck across the Canadian border plan

Man, this is even harder than

cleaning up that stinky, slimy pile of shrimp someone dumped in the ficas tree

Okay. All done

I'm sorry it took so long

I had to change the bag

I know. Isn't she fantastic? Honey, when I free you,

you're getting forty-two acres and a mule

Nope, a pony

No, a cat

Nah, I'm keeping the land You'll get a trick cat

that can ride a pony and make a fortune

Get out

Now, what the hell happened here?

Karen, why have you never invited us to this party?

Oh. You found out about that

Well... This is only the second year I've had the party

We know it's been ten

Oh, you found out about that

Well... The reason that I did invite you this year--

We know Rosie invited us by mistake

Oh, you found out about that

Karen, come on

Rosie told us you didn't invite us because of one person

Who is it? It's Will, right?

- It's not me, it's you! - No, It's you!

It's you! And--

All right, all right, it's me! It's me, okay

The one person is me

You know how every year for my birthday

you people take me out to some crappy dinner?

Well, I guess I was afraid

if you found out about this party you wouldn't do that anymore

That crappy dinner is the thing I look forward to the most

That's my real birthday

Oh, Karen that's so sweet

I've only ever been 90% sure you were human...

But, lady, you just bumped it up to 95

And to think that we--

we thought that you were embarrassed by us

Now, come on

How in the world could I ever be embarrassed by you?

Honey, you got a tampon in your hair

But if you were worried we'd cancel our dinner

why didn't you just say something?

Well, I'm a proud woman, Jackie

Sometimes it's hard for me to talk about my feelings

Plus I'm high most of the time so there's that

If you want, we can still do dinner tomorrow night

Oh, that'd be nice

Happy birthday, Kare

Okay. I can't wait any longer

I need to tinkle

Are you sitting down?

See?

And now the cast on Will & Grace

As Himself, Matt Lauer

Beverley Leslie, Leslie Jordan

As Rosario, Shelley Morrison

As Jack McFarland, Sean Hayes

As Karen Walker , Megan Mullally

And As Will and Grace, Ladies and Gentleman Eric McCormack and Debra Messing

Ladies and Gentleman, once again a words of applause

for the casts of Will & Grace