Original subtitles

Hey, did you read the paper today?

I stopped reading the paper

Now, when people talk about the news I just shake my head and say

"I know. It's unbelievable"

Suddenly, I'm informed

I know. I do the same thing with "I know, that was some game"

Anyway, the Central Park Zoo has these two penguins that are apparently gay

They're inseparable

They show no interest in females during mating season

Though they are interested in what females are wearing during Academy Award season

That is so sweet

Thank God there's something gay in this city I haven't dated

So, did you hear the news?

I know, it's unbelievable

I've decided I'm going to move to a bigger place

You're kidding When did you decide that?

This morning

The ratings for "Jack Talk" came in and we got a 17 rating and a 10 share

Wow!

Yeah, in this case, that means 17 watched and 10 of them were dressed as Cher

I just figured now that I'm getting more successful

I need to live in a place that feels successful

Good for you, Jack. You should And you know what?

I'll decorate it for free

Oh, no, that's okay

No, I want to

I heard you

Anyway. I've been saving my money in a Schwab account

You've been investing?

Oh, no, that's what I call my Q-Tip box

I got five thousand bucks in it

Five thousand? I'm so proud of you, Jack You're growing up

Well, thank you

So, I figured I spend it on an apartment or a whole lot of Jolly Ranchers

Not the candy

Well, you know what? It's Sunday

Let's get the Village Voice and start looking

Yeah, it'll be fun

As a kid, I used to love going to open houses on Sunday afternoon

Of course I was 12, so everything was out of my price range

Grace, you wanna come?

Oh, no, I'm going shopping with Karen

I've gotta get my dress to wear on my annual holiday card

Yeah... When people send out those photos

aren't they usually of a whole family?

Yeah, like I'm gonna wait around for that

��

�� &

�� & ��

�� & �׷�

�� & �׷���

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

�� & �׷��̽�

8x07 Birds of Feather bon

�� ũ �� �� ������(zzsgirl@nate.com)

�� �� �� �� ������(soheejin@nate.com)

�� ũ �� �� ������(mlitm@nate.com)

���� �׽�Ʈ �躴��(myiuno@nate.com)

Honey, how about this one? This is pretty

It almost says, "it's not sad that I'm alone on this holiday card."

I'm not going to be alone

For fun, I'm going to Photoshop George Clooney in next to me

And it just got sadder

Especially for George Clooney

Is there a rip cord for this shopping trip? Because I'm about ready to yank it

Speaking of yankin' it where are the boys today?

I thought they were coming with us

Oh, Will's helping Jack look for apartments

and then they're going to stop off to see some gay penguins

Gay penguins. Please Honey, that is absurd

There's no such thing as a gay penguin!

Well, well, well...

Karen Walker and her Jewess

out for a morning shop

Well, if it isn't Tom and Helen Willis of TV's "The Jeffersons."

Hello, Beverley Leslie

How are things in Ankleville?

Uh, not so good

My dear wife Crystal has suddenly passed

Oh, Beverley I'm so sorry

Me, too. Although I never met Crystal

But, oddly, I have met your business associate, Benji, 16 times

Including once at The Ramrod

I'm here to buy a dress to bury Crystal in

Honey, I think maybe you should wear men's clothes for that

Bev. Bev, honey come here

You know that I love you in my way

And I know that you loved Crystal in your way

So now that she's out of the way...

is there anything that I can do for you?

Well, Karen, it would mean a lot to me

if you would attend Crystal's memorial service tomorrow afternoon

Well, of course, Beverley I wouldn't miss it

And Miss Adler why don't you join us

Oh, no. No, I couldn't intrude on a day that's so...

intimate and personal... and boring

Oh, please! It's not going to be anything like that

It's more like a party A celebration of her death

- Life - Life

So, I'll see you both tomorrow afternoon I'll be receiving from 5:30 'til 6:30

Boy, that's gotta be a long hour for you

I didn't like any apartment we've seen so far

Maybe we should call this realtor Eve Only

She's like on every listing

Oh, look. There it is Penguins

Oh, look They're cute

Which ones do you think are gay?

Well, if I had to pick I'd say the two in the corner

whispering and pointing at all the other penguins

Hello. You guys are gay, right?

He is, beat him up!

No, I just want you to sign my petition

Oh, yes, of course

Thank you for watching "Jack Talk."

Jack

I remember when I was a young boy

I had an autograph book, too Erik Estrada said to me

"Hang in there." I told him I had an enlarged heart

It's a petition

The zoo wants to separate the gay penguins

They want to send Doug to the Bronx Zoo to mate with a female

Oh, great Gays can't get married

but women in the Bronx can have penguins imported just for sex?

That is awful

They'd never separate them if they were straight penguins

They'd just give them a huge tax break and let 'em kiss on TV

Just the thought of those two guys being split up, that really gets to me

Yeah, me too Oh, look, the giraffe is peeing!

That's hilarious!

I should buy an apartment closer to the zoo

You should come to the rally tomorrow

A lot of my lesbian friends are going to be there

I'm not a lesbian myself

I mean, sometimes I fool around with them

And I live with one...

Oh. I guess I am a lesbian

Weird I just came out

I'd say welcome, but it sounds like you've been on that bus

for quite a good long time now

Oh, look. That one penguin's cleaning his nest and stacking his fish so neatly

Oh, that's Randall He's a real fussbudget

And the other one the goofy one... that's Doug

He always waddles into Randall's nest unannounced

Oh, yeah, look Doug just stole his fish

And now Randall's gonna act annoyed and be all, "Waah!"

Even though he loves it

I'm worried about him If Doug gets sent away

- Randall will fall apart - Really?

'Cause Randall looks pretty together

You know, except for the lollipop stuck to his back

He's gonna be devastated when he's all alone

He just doesn't know it yet

My girlfriend did this study on gay penguins that were separated

The one that stayed behind he was a mess

What happened to him?

Well, he gained a ton of weight and all of his feathers fell out

This is the last stop on the tour

It feels almost inappropriate

giving a tour of the penthouse on a the day of Crystal's memorial

Oh, my God That dress is gorgeous

This is a 1954 custom-made couture gown

The only one like it in the world

Crystal wore this gown to the 29th annual Academy Awards

escorting the lovely and talented Rock Hudson

She had no idea Can you believe it?

You know what? I can

Oh, it really is beautiful I'd love to feel the fabric

Ooh! Uh-uh! No, no, no Miss Adler, you mustn't touch it

This gown is going to the Smithsonian tomorrow

It's going to be put in their permanent collection

Oh, how exciting for you

A dress in the Smithsonian

And your parents in the Museum of Miniatures

Uh, Beverley... It's the minister

He wants to know where to set up the mechanical bull

Oh, I'm coming!

Such a sad, sad day...

Honey... that's the dress

That's the dress you should wear in your lonely holiday card

Oh, my God you're right

I would look so lonely in that

I mean lovely Lovely

Come on, try it on

I'll take your picture with my camera phone

I can't try it on

It's the woman's memorial It would be so disrespectful

And I don't care if there is a cake that says "See Ya!" in frosting

Honey, try it on... Please You'd look stunning in it

I would, wouldn't I?

Oh, honey, you look so beautiful dressed as a woman

I know, right

Come on, let's take your picture One dignified, one kooky

Guess we're doing kooky first

Ladies, the service is about to begin

That's good enough. Okay Quick. Help me get out of the dress

Be careful unzipping it

Honey, I know how to get a woman out of a dress

I was very popular at Sarah Lawrence

Huh...

Huh? What do you mean, "huh"?

Well, the zipper is just a little stuck. Here, let me just--

Karen, it's really delicate

I know it's delicate--

Let me just get in the right...

- Oh! There! I got it - Okay. Good.

Oh, my God. Karen your dress is caught in my zipper!

Beverley's gonna kill me

You think it's bad for you?

I think a little bit of my boob is caught in there

Good... Ow!

This is not gonna work, Karen

Beverley's gonna see that I'm wearing the dress

It's gonna be fine. Just keep this blanket on and walk in unison

Just two friends in mourning Nothing suspicious

Nothing lesbian going on

Yeah, then why's your hand on my breast?

Somebody's gotta steer this thing

It'd be a hell of a lot easier if I had a bigger wheel to work with

Why did you make me try this on?!

Quit yelling at me I'm trying to get us unstuck

Well, just keep working on that zipper

While you're down there will you pull my underwear out of my ass?

Hey, hey!

Miss Adler, what on earth are you wearing?

Oh... this is the new floor length... mourning shawl From J Crew

Do you like it? It's-- it's catalog only

Strange, 'cause it looks exactly like the blanket that Crystal died in

Oh, God!

Karen, may I talk to you just a moment?

Why, sure, Beverley

I meant in private

Oh, I'm so sorry, that's so rude of me I'll just wait over there

Karen, it's personal

Oh, I'm sorry of course

Don't mind her

She's like a bird probably already asleep

Karen, it would mean so much to me

if you would come up to the podium and say a few words about Crystal

Gosh, Bev, I don't know...

Oh, Crystal thought so highly of you

We often discussed inviting you into our marriage... in a sexual way

That's so flattering

Although, I don't know if I could have operated

a pump and a defibrillator at the same time

Oh, of course I'll speak

Karen

Everyone sit down The service is about to begin

Oh, come on, relax

We've got plenty of time before they get to me. I'll get us unzipped

Welcome, everyone. Let's begin with a few words from Karen Walker

There you are. Come on, help me make some signs for the rally at the Zoo

Here, take a marker and start drawing penguins

It's easy, all you do, you just gotta start with Paul Giamatti and then... stop there

I can't, Will I got a lease to sign

That's right I found an apartment

- So fast? - I konw

It's all the way down in Tribeca New kitchen, two bedrooms...

And as soon I heard hardwood, I jumped on it

Oh. That's great You've got a new apartment

Meanwhile, Randall and Doug's love igloo is melting beneath their webbed feet

You sound like you're not excited

I kinda thought you'd congratulate me

Well, I'm sorry

It's just little trivial compared to the civil rights issue

coming to a boil at the penguin house!

I don't get this

This morning, you were all "Let's find you an apartment,"

and now you're mad Why the 160?

Because even though some people don't think so

these two little guys are family

Will, relax It's not that big a deal

They're just fish We eat 'em every day

Not that big a deal?

Jack, their whole relationship is gonna change

I mean, once they're in separate zoos

they're not gonna be able to swim together all the time

or share some fish go for a waddle--

Sure, they'll wanna get together

but-- but something is always gonna come up

And then one day, they'll run into each other at the gym

and it'll be all weird and awkward and Randall will be like

"Oh, you look good" and Doug'll be like "Yeah, is that-- is that a feather toupee?"

I mean, they used to be best friends and now they don't even know each other

Will, would you wait a minute?

No. I gotta go. Congratulations on your new apartment

Finally Geez, it's like pulling teeth

Grace would like to say the traditional Jewish prayer for the dead

Oh, well, how delightful!

Um... Yiskadal... Yiskadash.. um... Osha gosha b'gosha...

Oh... ruch-hatatamai Oh...bladi-oblada... Spielberg Katzenberg, Geffen... Aah...men

Oh, Miss Adler that was just beautiful!

Thanks

You know what else is beautiful? I just got us unstuck

Thank God Okay, I'm gonna go get out of this

Beverley, I am so sorry!

No, no. I don't wanna hear it I don't want to hear it!

Miss Adler how dare you come into my home

and desecrate the day I have set aside to celebrate my wife's death?!

- Life - Life!

Why do I keep saying that?

I'm sorry I feel so horrible

No, I just want you to go. Please Go, get out the dress

See, but the thing is, the zipper's tricky And see, it's-- it's stuck again

I'll help! I'm good at that. No, stay away!

Hey, Will I'm glad I found you

There's another protest going on over at the seal tank

I guess they're gay, too

because apparently people don't want them to go clubbing

You know, I thought about what you said

and I realized you weren't talking about the penguins, You were talking about us

You're like a rice cooker

It takes you a long time but when it comes out, it's perfect

I'm sorry about before

I just-- I was being selfish and I was wrong

And I'm really excited about your new place

Oh, thanks, Will But I'm not moving

All that money I had is gone

I spent it on some stupid impulse buy

Hey, guys guess what?

An anonymous donor just gave the Bronx Zoo enough money to buy its own penguin

Doug and Randall don't have to be separated

But don't say anything I wanna tell them myself

An "anonymous donor"?

I can't believe you did that

I can't believe they called it an anonymous donor

I said my name, like, 30 times It's supposed to be on the news!

I'm so impressed with you

And I never even though about donating money

How did you know how much to give?

I'm not an idiot, Will

I think I know how much a penguin costs

But that was your apartment money

You were gonna sign the lease I can't believe you did that for me

No, not just for you

You made me realize I don't wanna move either

And I thought if we get to stay together...

they should too

Even if one of them is fat and bald

Look at them

They really are cute, aren't they?

Yeah. Why is that female one always hanging around them?

Here, let me try

It's really delicate

Yes, I know it's delicate! I put it on Benji a hundred times

I just have to get a run at it

There!

Okay. Good I'll go take off dress

Grace, you got a little something stuck to you again