Original subtitles

This is so decadant

Flying to London on a red-eye for the weekend

Well, I am not gonna go to my grave without seeing Billy Elliot: The Musical

What is it about a boy in a tutu that always brings a town together?

Oh, excuse me Can I get a second pillow?

We're only supposed to give out one

Aww, Boo

hat couldn't have been cuter I think I have an extra

- Uh, can I get an extra one, too? - We're out

Perhaps you could fold your hair up behind your head

Uh, boo

Gimme that!

Well, what do you expect? It's an international flight

and you're dressed for the International House of Pancakes

What? I wanna be comfortable

All I'm gonna be doing is eating and sleeping and farting into my airplane blanket

Well, at least today you have an airplane blanket

Okay I'm gonna go do a celebrity hunt

What?

If there's a major celebrity onboard the plane won't go down

If there's a minor celebrity, we'll definitely go down. Everybody knows that

That is ridiculous

The only way to prevent a plane from going down

is to pack your lucky Woodstock

Oh, uh, this is first class You can't come in here

Oh, no, I'm just trying to see--

No, I know what you're doing, and we're fine

Paula Abdul is in 2A

Ooh. Really? Couldn't that go either way?

Excuse me? Do you have Princess Diaries Part 1?

I don't think I'll enjoy Part 2 unless I know how she became a princess

Oh, my god

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8x06 Love is in the Airplane

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I totally shouldn't be doing this because A: I have a boyfriend

and B: it's from first class but...

Here's a warm cookie

Thank you! Can I also get a glass of champagne?

You will not believe this Leo's in first class

Leo DiCaprio is in first class?

No. Leo, Leo. My Leo

Oh, my God. Leo?

Leo. I don't know what to do I'm-- I'm completely freaked out

I guess-- I guess I should say hello Well, I--

I can't! Look at me!

You see! This is why you should always dress when flying

Oh! You know what? Okay I'm gonna check my carry-on

Maybe I have something

Grace, Grace, Grace!

It doesn't matter what you're wearing He cares about you, not how you look

Are you kidding me?

I know. Even as I said it I didn't believe it

Oh... I love tea It's so proper

Now, do you take lemon or peyote in yours?

Lemon, please

I always forget what you mean when you invite me over for high tea

Karen, I'm thinking you need to hire Rosie back

You always said she was your soulmate

No, I said said she was my soul maid

And I am not hiring her back I am very happy with her replacement, Leni

Oh, mum! I hope you don't mind

but I took the liberty of lowering all the shelves in your medicine closet

For those days when you're jack-knifed behind the toilet

Oh! You must be that famous Mr. McFarland

Oh, you're even more handsome than I imagined

You're like a young Princess Margaret

It's a pleasure meeting you

It's a pleasure to meet you, too, Leni

See, Jackie Isn't she nice?

Yes, but Karen, Rosie's a mess without you

Yesterday, she actually considered going back to the American Ballet Theatre

She even started her binge-purge cycle just to get back into shape

Rosario betrayed me Now. If you'll excuse me

I think I may have had one too many cups of tea

I'm just going to step into the other room and scrape these scorpions off of my body

Um... Seems like you're really fond of this Rosario

I'm sorry, Leni it's-- It's got nothing to do with you

It's just that... Karen and Rosie go together

You know, like Abbott and Consuelo

You understand

Oh, yes I do

I mean, friendship is the most important thing in the world

Now, there's something I'd like you to understand

What's that dear?

I am not losing this job you little pole smoker!

If you say that woman's name in this house again

I will peel you like a "banana"

A what?

A ba-nah-ner

A what?

I'll cut your junk off!

Oh, banana

Come on, Grace

There's only so much you can accomplish in an airplane bathroom

Can you believe this was still in the bottom of my bag from Provincetown?

You look amazing Now, I feel under-dressed

I guess that's what they mean by cabin pressure

Don't laugh at your own jokes It makes you look like a dad

Okay. I can do this

I'm gonna walk by him confident and sexy

And I'm gonna let him discover me

I'm very cute when I'm caught off guard

Here, catch me off guard

Grace?

Wow. There is really nothing authentic about you, is there?

Go on You're gonna be great

I'm sorry no coach people allowed

Yeah, my ex-husband is up there and I just want to say a quick hello

That's a great story

Now, why don't you hurry back to your seat or you'll miss your cheese sandwich

- What's going on? - He won't let me in

Aww. Boo

That is adorable

And did you get those dangerous brown eyes through security?

Oh, well, I have a license to carry these

But, my abs of steel set off some alarms

- So, can I-- - Just, go. Bleh

I stood behind Julie Andrews at a bookstore once

Just between you and me she looked a lot more Victor than Victoria

Grace?

Wow. I can't get over this How are you?

I'm good. I'm going to Thailand... Connecting in London

Oh, that's so funny, I'm going to London! Well, of course. Hello

We're on the same plane and this plane is going to London

Big relief. Would not want to wake up in Afghanistan

That war there is terrible

We should not be there Not that I don't support the troops

I just want them to come home safely

Of course, I won't be there if they come home this weekend

because I'll be in London, but I guess if they come home next weekend

- You know, I could be there-- - Grace--

- I just wouldn't know where they get off the plane / - It's okay

I'm nervous, too

You are?

Oh. Hi Me again

Any chance I could move up here with you?

Are you flirting with me to get a better seat?

Because I should tell you I have a boyfriend

Well, I should tell you that by the time this plane lands, you might have two

If they let us wear pearls I'd be clutching them

-Come on up -Oh, great. I'll get my stuff

Okay

What are you doing?

I give you a pillow and a cookie and you flirt with my boyfriend?

He's your boyfriend?

That's a twist I did not need

I got a seat ready for you, handsome

I see you're up to your old tricks again Big surprise

You've always had a thing for Middle Eastern men

98... 99... 100

Okay

Karen! Before you brush your under-wig, we need to talk

Leni's a monster

Honey, she's just British They don't get a lot of sun

Yesterday, she walked in front of a lamp and I could see her brain

Not that! She threatened me!

Wh--? Jackie I can not believe you

You will say anything to get me to hire Rosie back

No, no, no, no This isn't about hiring Rosie back

Your new maid threatened me She said she'd peel me like a banana

A what?

A banana!

A what?

She said she'd cut my junk off!

Oh, a Banahner!

All right. I am gonna get to the bottom of this right now

What the hell are you doing here? Your call is--

Yes, mum?

Oh. Leni...

Jack told me that you...

threatened to assault him Is that true?

Oh, goodness no I would never lift a finger to anyone

Well, I couldn't even if I wanted to

During the Blitz, my arms were pinned under a dead horse for a week

Liar!

Jackie, please!

The poor woman got her finger stuck in a horse while she was blitzed

Well. You have really sunk to a new low

Lying about this poor dear, translucent woman

Just to get me to hire Rosie back? I can't even look at you

- But, Karen! I-- - No! No, I mean it

I'm gonna take a bath, and when I come out I don't want to see your face

Fine! I'll take my face and go!

And this was the Congo...

so the spider that was crawling up my bed was as big as a dinner plate

A hairy dinner plate

Yeah, I got a couple of plates like that under my bed, too

What did you do?

Well, I screamed Then he screamed

I threw a book he threw a chair

things were implied insults were hurled...

Finally, I just slid a piece of paper under him and took him outside

Though, he will probably tell you it happened the other way around

Wow. You've really grown You used to make me vacuum them up

Yeah, it's not that I was so afraid of the spider

I was just the only thing I could do to get you to vacuum

Oh! Hi

Hey, um, can I ask you something?

Are you, um... Are you still mad at me?

No. No, I'm not I'm really not

I'm glad

This is my fault

I'm gonna make it my goal for rest of this flight to get you guys back together

Because, you know A: there's obviously love here

And-- and B: you might be working my return flight

So, come on. Come on Sit down and just work it out, Okay?

Can I have a blanket?

You sit, you talk I'll get it

Can I get a coffee?

Oh-- Oh, no No, I'm not actually a flight--

Okay, who else wants coffee 'cause I'm not gonna make two trips

Wow, I gotta say... Red-eye flight to London

I wouldn't have expected you to be all gussied up, you know?

I would have figured you for sweats

I guess I've changed

So have you

You just became the first Jew to say the word "gussied."

I was... scared that it was going to be weird, seeing you, you know... It's not

I know. I'm just relieved that after all this time, we can just be normal

I know

Okay. The coast is clear

Now. You go find Karen and do whatever you need to do to get your job back

and I'll distract Leni

Oh, it's a great plan Like Ocean's Eleven

If only I looked like Julia Roberts

Ya don't

Yes, mum? Oh, look It's the little 'armonica blower

Ready for his ass-kicking and right on sched-- time

You're gonna have to catch me first Scary Poppins!

Excuse me... Can I--

Ma'am, please take your seat until beverage service is complete

Oh, it's you

What are you doing? You know what? I don't care. Give me a white wine

$5.00

Ginger ale

You have no idea what I have been through since I smuggled you into first class

I got into a relationship I broke up a relationship

somehow I became a flight attendant everybody wants headsets

and of course they only have twenties

So, you better tell me that you at least had a decent conversation with Leo

I slept with him

My God you are a gay man

Who does this mean?

It means... It was nice

Nice?

Yeah, it was nice to have one moment with Leo

that wasn't wierd or complicated or uncomfortable

there's that damn kosher meal again It's not on any of my lists

So, are you okay?

Yeah Yeah, I think I am

I mean, I wish I could have those last few hours all the time

But Leo's always gonna be the guy who's flying off somewhere

And that's okay... As long as I'm not the one at home waitin'

- Sweetie--? - No, it's good. It's good

Most people never get any closure I got hot closure

Well, I'm happy for you

You washed your hands, right?

Hello, Miss Karen

Rosario! What are you doing here?

I fired you months ago! And besides, I didn't do this--

God, I miss that sound

I came to apologize and to ask for my job back

I'm sorry I have a new maid now

and she is an elegant distinguished woman

Fire that psycho!

She is not a psycho

You listen to me, lady--

You know what? I don't have to listen to you, you Mexican nesting doll

- How dare you talk to me like that! - You waste of space! You leave more

- hair in the tub than you clean out it! - I don't take this from garbage from you!

- I could shove a dust rag up a baboon's ass / - You are a nasty, disgusting pig!

and he'd do a better job than you, you big armadillo!

God, I missed you so much!

I missed you too, mommy!

Aqua Velva and garlic

Smells like home

I shaved

Okay. Nine hours until Billy Elliot

That gives us eight hours to sleep and one hour to find a Burger King

There it is

Perfect

Grace

Hi

Hullo, Will. Enjoying your holiday?

That's cute

Hullo, Leo

What are you doing? You sound ridiculous

Okay...

I thought you had a plane to catch

Decided not to I thought we could see London together

Really?

Yeah, we always said we were gonna do that. What do you think?

Um... Yeah... Yeah I'd like that

Great, I'll-- I'll change my ticket and I'll leave tomorrow

Oh. Right Tomorrow

Wait. You know what? Don't. Don't change your flight

Why?

Will and I have a lot planned, and um... I just think it's better this way

So... I don't really know where this leaves us

I guess... I guess it leaves us where we were before the flight

I'm moving on with my life...

And I probably should, too...

But thank you... for a wonderful flight

So, I, guess this is it

Goodbye, Grace

At least you got to say goodbye

You know what? I don't think I'll ever be able to say goodbye

Oh, Jackie. Great news, Jackie I've got my little Rosie back

Now the only problem is Leni

Honey, would you be a dear and fire her for me?

Okay

But I'm gonna need a heavy, blunt object

Fine. Rosie go with him