Original subtitles

This is fun, Grace Going to the movies on a weekday

Why do you have the day off?

Oh, bomb scare at Out TV

Everyone got the day off to see the new Jude Law movie

'cause they're scared it's gonna bomb

But I want to see Spanglish

Mm. Yeah, sure I'm over Jude Law anyway

He won't return any of my calls

Doesn't matter, we're in different places emotionally

I hate it when you do that

Well, I'm sorry, how many times do I have to apologize?

Oh, dear. Did you call out my name again the boudoir?

You know that guy at the gym-- th-the trolly muscle queen with no neck?

Oh, the one that you were obsessed with, who would never go out with you?

Yeah. So anyway, it was incredibly satisfying to be able to introduce him

to my handsome cop boyfriend--

See, I hate that

You know, I'm more than a cop, Will I'm layered. Like an onion

My therapist tells me that your compliments are actually blows to my psyche

Well, forgive for being proud of you, my...big, strong, sensitive cop

Tiny emotional punches

You know, you're working over my super-ego l-l-like it's a side of beef

William, would you like to join us for the 11:10 a.m. screening of Spanglish?

Which is Spanish for "English"

I have to go to work It's a big day, actually

There's a-a reporter coming to my office to interview Karen

He's doing an article on female CEOs

Well, it's for Parade magazine,

so it's probably female CEOs who collect commemorative coins

Karen was interviewed yesterday at my office

Well, not so much "interviewed," as a corrections officer came over

and told her to pee in a cup and give a hair sample

I gotta go. Call me later

How 'bout you, Vince?

Would you like to come with us to see Spanglish, starring Paz Vega?

Paz Vega is Spanish for Ashley Judd

I, uh-- I gotta go to work Maybe some other time

Did you see that? She completely dismissed us!

Well, I for one will not be ignored

Oh, I'm sorry, What'd you say?

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Now, Karen, before this reporter gets here, remember, since Stan died,

you are the face of Walker, Inc

And unlike the previous face, yours isn't covered in pudding

So... I-I-I need you to take this seriously

Relax. I am good with reporters

Ever since I leaked a little information to Woodward and Bernstein,

I've had 'em eating out of my hands

Do you really expect me to believe that you were Deep Throat?

Only to one of them

Hello. Uh, Frank Woolley, Parade Magazine

Hi, Will Truman. I'm Ms. Walker's lawyer And Parade reader since 1978

Well, I've been--I've been throwing it out of my Sunday paper since 1978

I use mine to wrap fish

You're too kind, you're too kind Ms. Walker, Frank Woolley

I'm so excited that you're gonna be the first interview for my new, uh,

hard-hittin' shoot-from-the-hip column, "Always Woolley."

"Always Woolley"? Wouldn't "Always Frank" be better?

What would that mean?

Miss Walker, I know you're busy, so let's-- let's get, uh, right to the nitty-gritty

Now, I hope you that some of my questions are a little bit, uh, Woolley

Now, you see, a-another place wh-where "Frank" would be just as good,

if not better. You know?

Nothing you say makes sense to me

Mr. Truman do you-- Do you need to be here for this?

Oh, I-I know it's just a puff piece,

but I-- You know, I thought I best sit in, just in case there's any legal questions

Pretend I'm not here

Oh, hey, Wilma. When'd you get here?

See? It's easy

Uh...now, Ms. Walker...

the slant of this piece is female CEOs

Uh, when you married Stanley,

did you, uh, ever imagine that one day you'd end up on top?

Oh. Honey, when I married Stanley,

being on top was the only we could do it. He was a very fat man

Um...oh. I thought you might need a, uh, photo of Karen for the article

This is-- this is a photo of you

Is it? Oh. Would you look at that?

Why don't you just keep that in ca-- Y-you might wanna--

You might wanna do a sidebar about-- about her lawyer

You know, "Where There's a Will, there's a Way."

Gee, I hate to be that guy, but, uh... I'm just not gettin' ya

But you know what? A sidebar, that's not a bad idea

Could you, uh, give me a 500-word bio on you?

Well, the--the ones I have printed up were all 750 words

But I can make some trims

Okay. Ha. Now let's you and I talk about somethin' fun

Hit me, Stretch

Okey-dokey. "Stretch."

Uh, here... Where's the kookiest place that you've ever taken the company jet

that wasn't work-related?

Wait a minute. I see what you're trying to do

You are trying to get me to take you to lunch in Barbados,

and it has worked! Let's go!

O-o-okay. Uh, but only if you promise on the way to tell me your,

uh, nuttiest, uh, insider trading stories

I've got some doozies!

But hold on a second

Let me grab some petty cash from the employee pension plan

Grace, hurry up I hate getting to the movies late

I need a good angle to set up my video camera

Pirating the movie? That's illegal

Oh, I don't point it at the screen

I tape my own reaction and watch it at home later

Yeah. Now, come on, hurry up

Okay, okay. I just want to buy something sticky

that I can spill on the seat in front of me so no one'll sit there

Oh, my God. Look at that guy over there

He looks like an Indian version of Vince

That is Vince But you know what, you're right

From this angle, he could be in the chorus of Bombay Dreams

Well-- I don't understand why he lied to us

He said he had to work

Does he not like us?

That's impossible

I've been popular my entire life

Except for those two years in junior high

when my head-gear was attached to my scoliosis brace

I looked like scaffolding

Kids used to hang out on me and smoke

What-- What's he doing? What's with all the touching?

Vince, fix your shirt

Is that why they fired you from being a cop?

Because you don't know how to tuck?

Now, you have a bright future here at the market

if you just learn to play by the rules Here, come here

He's all over him Is-- Is he cheating on Will?

Grace, no

You're reading too much into it

He has his hands down Vince's pants

Yes. And if they were straight guys,

I would definitely agree that they're having an affair

But for gay guys, a hand down the pants just means hello, good-bye and peace

It's our shalom

I'm gonna talk to him

W-w-wait. No, no, no

Before you do that, just think about it

If you're right and is cheating on Will,

then it will probably come out at some point

But if you're wrong, there's nothing going on--

we're stuck talking to Vince!

You're right, it's none of our business

Oh, Will. Hey, there you are

Listen, we have got a major catastrophe going on

Look, he was elected

We just have to accept it and move on. Hmm?

Listen, no, someone's planning a hostile takeover of Walker. Inc

Oh, my God! When did this happen?

Just now. This guy wants to buy out the whole corporation

You could lose your biggest client

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be smiling, but, uh, we're both up for partner this year

I came as soon as I heard

Someone's after Stan's company I will not let that happen

I built that company from the waist down

Who--who's behind this?

Well, I don't know, but he's in your office

Oh, and, uh, tell him good luck I mean, go get 'im!

Hello, Karen

It's the reporter!

I'm not a reporter

And my name's not Frank Woolley

That was just an alias that I used to get close to you

My real name is...

Scott Woolley

You know, when people want to hide their identity,

they usually change their last name

And what would be the point of that?

Hey. What is your game, Mister?

Why are you trying to take over my company?

- You don't recognize me? - Nope

Why don't you take off the fake nose and the buck teeth?

It was in high school

I was running for student body president

I was so popular and good-lookin' that nobody dared oppose me

Except one girl

A shy, mousy flat-chested wallflower

Wow, this story is not the way I expected

We had to debate in front of the whole school

I walked in, confident, cool, meticulously prepared

And then she walked in-- Overnight

this mealy-mouthed waif had sprung gi-normous bazongas

Uh, the likes of which, uh, you never see in high school

Ah. Back on track. Yeah

I took horse vitamins

The very first question was, "What would to improve school morale?"

I laid out a brilliant five-point plan

Karen offered her seven-point plan

She repeated my five points,

then raised her blouse, revealing points six and seven

I won by a landslide!

But that was high school Who doesn't have a few bad memories?

I mean, one bad perm and your nickname is Greg Brady for four years

I have devoted my entire life towards getting revenge

At first, I tried living well, but it turns out that's really not revenge at all

But then I read that Stanley Walker had died,

and that his widow was gonna be the president of the company

Suddenly, I saw my chance

Uh, yeah. Scott, I don't know how familiar you are with corporate takeovers

but, uh, you can't just waltz in and buy out a company

It's, uh, it's a little more complicated than that, cowboy

I have amassed a fortune of $500 million dollars

And I've spent the last couple of years driving down her stock price

so that I could take a controlling interest

And this is gonna be the tenth company that I've done that to

Yeah, I know. I just mean there's gonna lot of paperwork

Ladies and gentlemen of the board, Walker, Inc. is in a shambles

And the woman to blame for that is Karen Walker

Her tenure as CEO has been marred by mismanagement, corporate malfeasance--

And in one instance, uh, public drunkeness at the Central Park Zoo?

Hey! That goat stole my flask What was I supposed to do, not punch it?

Yeah, I'd like to call for an immediate vote--

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Captain Slick

It's easy to tear somebody down, but where is your plan?

I--I have yet to see any evidence that you have a vision for this company th-th--

Who are these men with these notebooks that say "Vision" on them?

Ladies and gentlemen, you have before you now

my 100 point plan for the revitalization of Walker, Inc

Oh, yeah? Well, I've got a 102-point plan

103, if you're lucky...

- Jack? - Oh! What?

I--I got your text message "Mince is fleeting."

What does that mean?

It means my thumbs are too big for my Blackberry

- Vince is cheating - How do you know?

Look at them

A platonic cupping of the crotchal area is one thing,

but to touch a man's hair? They've gone all the way

It's okay, but you are half an inch away from a hair net, buddy

Yeah. Touch my hair again, I'll put a booger in the olive bar

Hi, Vince

Aaaah! Oh, God Grace, you startled me

This place is crawling with rats

Wait, what, what are you doin' here?

- We know what's goin' on - Yeah, we know your filthy secret

Vince. I want your ass in aisle five

And bring the mop

Oh, my God What kind of a place is this?

And why do I shop anywhere else?

Wait, you work here?

Yeah. What'd you think I was doin'?

Oh, certainly not meeting your rough trade grocery store lover

for a quick handy by the bed of crackers

Vince, what's going on?

I got fired I'm not on the force anymore

Remember last week,

a guy robbed a department store and the cop accidentally shot the cashier?

- That was you? - No, that was my partner

I was busy tryin' on gloves

Since it was my 63rd citation,

and my seventh one involving, you know, gloves...

they fired me

Oh dear, you poor thing What color were they?

Taupe with a chocolate cashmere lining

Oh, they woulda gone with everything

Well-- Will doesn't know?

No, I can't-- I'm too embarrassed

Look at me. I went from a-- from a real gun to a--to a price gun

You know, yesterday I busted some guy shoplifting

All I could two mark him "two for a dollar" and send him on his way

- Why, you woulda shot him? - I woulda had the option

Vince. Will loves you You could tell him anything

And you shouldn't feel bad about working here

I mean, every job has its own dignity

Thanks, Grace Well, that's what I was thinkin'

I'm tryin' to stay rosette about the whole thing

- You slacking off again? - Why don't you lay off, you little bitch,

before I rip your head off your neck

- You're fired - What? Why?!

I have no idea

But if you need me, I'll be in aisle five

Well, thank you, everyone

I trust that what I've shown you today

will help you to make an informed decision about the future of Walker, Inc

Very impressive presentation, Ms. Walker

I hadn't seen 'em in a while They still look like a tenth grader's

That's because they are. Shh!

Thank you both. If you could just give us a minute to vote?

Uh, I'm afraid your efforts aren't gonna make any difference

I'm still gonna win

I stomped your client back into the Ice Age

After today, they're gonna be calling me The Scotty Mammoth

Why wouldn't you just say "Woolley mam--" Oh, never mind

We've taken a vote We've decided to go with...

Scott Woolley

That is not you

Uh, Karen?

I was worried that after all these years,

um, my revenge would empty and hollow

But-- I was wrong It's awesome!

I'm gonna start moving into your late husband's office

So now it's your turn to cry, uh, to wet yourself a little,

and, uh, get beaten up by the marching band

Not that any of those things happened to me

Karen, this is not over

Sure he has brains and his fancy folders

And all we've got is--is your breasts

But-- Yeah, this is probably over

That's sweet of you to say, Wilma But I'm just gonna say goo to the board

I--I'm sorry, everybody. I just--

I just wanted to say that, um--

Well, I'm a little hurt. I mean, I-- I really thought that we were a family

Clive... I was there for the birth of your cocaine habit

Watching it grow over these past eight years

I've never been prouder

And Jim. Oh, gosh

I remember the third anniversary of your S & M affair with old Charlotte here

Never told either of your spouses 'Cause that's what family does

They keep secrets

Secrets that I am no longer under any obligation to keep

Well, like at last year's executive retreat, when Lynette and I--

- I'd like to vote again - Me too

- All in favor of Karen Walker, say "Aye." - Aye

All opposed?

Man. That is one sweet office that Stanley Walker had

Although I might replace the omelet station with a--

oh, I don't know-- a computer

Sorry, Scott The board has reconsidered

Ms. Walker is once again the president of Walker, Inc

What? Why?

Don't tell him

No, no, no! Y-y-you can't do that

Those--those folders were expensive

Why? Why?

Well, it looks like it's time for you to go back where you came from

Beam me up, Woolley!

This is not over

Maybe I didn't get your company, but I'm gonna get ya

I don't know how, I don't know when

I'm not gonna lie to you, I put a lot of eggs in this basket...

But I promise, you have not seen the last of me

And the next time you see me, you will be terrified!

Did I lose my keys?