Original subtitles

-Are we late? -Did we miss breakfast?

The guy hasn't even taken my order yet

Ugh, unbelievable

I don't know what's happened to the work ethic in this country

Don't you have a job to be at?

I promised myself I wouldn't repeat outfits

So, uh, until I go shopping again I'm not going back

Oh, I'm so hungry

I am this close to actually getting up and pouring myself a glass of juice

Hey, hey, hey! don't talk crazy I'm starving too

but we're not gonna feed ourselves like a fat family on a camping trip

This is torture

Can we talk about something besides food?

Okay This is a little embarrassing

but I had the weirdest dream last night

Oh, honey... is it the one where you're wearing sweats

that make you look like a large formless piece of clay?

'Cause that ain't no dream

Sorry, I don't look my best

I guess unlike you

I didn't take my head out of a hat box and staple it to my neck

Okay, you know what? This is just rude

And if there is one thing I cannot abide, it is rudeness!

Hey, homo we're hungry out here!

Here's an idea. How about three big bowls of "Get-out-io's"?

There's sugar on one side and I'm not your damn cook on the other!

I'd like mine with bananas, please

I don't have time to make breakfast today I'm meeting Vince's mom

But we're all going over there for Thanksgiving in two days

Why don't you just meet her then?

I need a head start Vince says she's a tough cookie

Oh, that doesn't sound so bad

Yeah, what he actually said was

that she's already decided to hate me and good luck

Well, that doesn't sound so bad

Apparently she's never liked any of his boyfriends

So I'm gonna take her for a day of shopping

You know, give her a whole pretty woman makeover

Without spending more than $100

Where're you taking her shopping? Flint, Michigan?

Well, I just--I want to get to know her, ya know

So I can tell her how honored I am to meet her

and how much it means to me to become part of her family

You know, just generally blow a bunch of smoke up her fat ass

Where's that waiter? I'm so hungry

I knew I shouldn't have given my Powerbar to that homeless woman

I tried to get it back, but her kid was just grippin' it too tightly

Service here always stinks

How come this place got such a good write-up in the Fagot's Guide? (fogot ȣ�𺸴� ���� �� �������� ��)

Honey, it's pronounced "fa-GATZ."

Actually, fools it's Zagat's

Uh, not this one

It rates restaurants based on cuteness of the wait staff

You see here This one got five smiley butts

Speakin' of butts had another sex dream last night

This time I was in the shower with Barack Obama

Oh-bama he was ba-rocking my world

Well, you better do it soon You know what they say

If you don't use it it'll fall off

What exactly will fall off?

I don't know. I don't know what you guys have down there

Oh, honey let me explain

Imagine the most beautiful flower you've ever seen

Its petals opening as it's gently touched by the sun

Now imagine a vagina next to it

Where is that stupid waiter?

You just know that idiot got all our orders mixed up

Well, here comes the swarthy immigrant now

Don't think you're gettin' a tip

Oh, that's okay Just the privilege of ordering it

paying for it, and hauling it over here is reward enough

Ooh, sassy waiters just like the guide promised

Well, it's official My mother's toe's broken

-Oh, no -What happened?

Didn`t he tell you?

Uh, I thought I did. Ya know we went shopping. And she--

she fell. It was nothing It was no big deal, you know

Certainly no one's fault

"No one's fault"?

He pressured her into trying on these four-inch hooker heels

And then he told her to "work it, girl."

Okay, in hindsight maybe it wasn't a good idea

to make her climb up on the display case and...

shake her "groove thang," but you know...

She was having fun up until the time that she fell, and her skirt hiked up

and she showed her groove thang to the whole store

Well, she sounds like a ball of fun

I can't wait to meet her tomorrow She's a hooker, you say?

Well, you can all forget about it

You can forget it because Thanksgiving's cancelled

Why, does she cook with her feet?

Great. No sex and now no turkey

Either way no stuffin' for you

Hang on

What about if you and I cook Thanksgiving?

We can do the whole thing at your mother's house

She wouldn't have to lift a finger

Of course she won't she cooks with her feet

I don't know. My mom likes Thanksgiving to be just so

She's not too thrilled with you right now, you know

You could be setting yourself up for a disaster

Or am I setting myself up to be a hero?

Pa, who's that handsome stranger who saved Thanksgiving?

Well, Ma, I reckon it's our son's boyfriend

Yeah, I live in Flushing not the oddly tolerant Ozarks

Trust me, by the end of the evening she'll not only have forgiven me

she'll be thankin' me

All right let's give it a shot

Hey, don't worry

Will is known for his perfect Thanksgivings

Except the one where he proposed to me

told me he was gay, and then snuck out in the middle of the night

while I was sobbing in bed But I hardly ever think about that one

What a cute neighborhood

I always thought Queens was just a place to bury bodies or buy discount meat

Queens gets a bad rap

It doesn't help that we got a town called Flushing (�÷-��: ������)

- Makes you think of poop - Yeah, I got it

Well, so this is it, huh?

Family kitchen

I bet there's a lot of history here

Yeah, sure is

Right there That's the spot my uncle got shot

And, uh...That's where I was standing when I accidentally shot my uncle

Whereas I was thinking less along the lines of bloodshed

and more along the lines of pasta dinners

Yeah, don't say "whereas" in front of my mom

She already thinks you're a preening sadistic boob

I'm paraphrasing

Don't you worry Whatever she dishes out

I can take Today I have the patience of a saint

And, from looking around the room I have plenty to choose from

- Vinnie. - Hey, Ro.

Ro, this is Will Will, this is my sister Ro

- Nice to meet you. - You too.

He's pretty. put a mustache on him he's cousin Gina

Thank you

And congratulations I hear you're getting married. That's great

Yeah, Matt's an amazing guy

He went to summer camp with Renee Zellweger

But that's not the only reason I'm marrying him

Wow, sounds fascinating Can't wait to meet him

Is that my Vinnie?

Oh, now that's my dad Listen, don't let him get to you

He can be a real S.O.B. Okay?

-And there he is -I thought I heard someone in our kitchen

- Hey, honey - Hi, Annette

Good to see you up and around What a very stylish cane. It suits you

Would you like me to climb up on the counter so you can take a better look at it?

I'm glad we can all laugh about it

'Cause... 'cause it's the best medicine

Vince, you gonna introduce me?

See how he starts right in?

Yeah, I know I'm rude and you're disappointed, Dad

I'm Will. Nice to meet you, Paul I'm so sorry about your wife's toe

Ah, it happens

One time I was reaching for the grated cheese and I broke her jaw

You look good, Vince

See it? It's just one dig after another

Yeah, he's merciless

Listen, Annette Vince gave me all of your recipes

and I want you to know I'm gonna cook everything just the way you do

No, you're not

I woulda cooked it with two good feet

Hey, you made it!

Barely

You told us to look for the house with the El Dorado parked out front

There's, like 17 on this side of the street alone

Happy Thanksgiving, William

You missed all the drama at the parade today

Underdog got loose and mounted Bart Simpson

So, I guess, really his name should be Topdog

it smells so good in here

For God's sake, Grace don't draw attention to your nose

Now, remember, everything you do here tonight is a reflection on me

I understand completely, Will

Your large shiny forehead needs some powder

I, on the other hand look fantastic

Hey, don't hog the forehead!

Stop it you bat

Look, just try to be friendly Get to know people

- Talk me up, mingle - All right, all right

Which one of them did you say had the little problem with OxyContin?

Oh, that'd be me

Let's get to know each other

How's it goin'?

Vince's mother is still riding me about the toe

I don't even think it was broken

I mean, half the foot was bunion

The mall paramedics almost threw up when they saw it

Don't worry about the mom I am here to make you look good

And I'm not gonna leave your side until I do

- Hey - Hey

Hey, Uncle Paul the El Dorado's fixed!

I'm gonna go shower

-Thanks, Grace. It would be great... -Buzz off, there's a hot guy here

What are you doing? I told you to mingle

Grace took the guy I wanted to mingle with

Well, mingle with Vince's sister Ro

She's a teacher She has a condo in Astoria

- She's getting married - Oh, yay.

Lemon, lemon, lemon I win a dull night

Annette, can I get you a chair?

No. It's better I stand get used to the pain

Annette, you make passive aggressive so adorable �ұ��� ����: �(Registered Trademark)���� �������� �����鼭�� ������ε� �������� ǥ���ϴ� ���)

I'm gettin' a beer You want me to grab you one?

Yeah, Dad, I drink That's why I haven't made detective

That's it I can't take it anymore

- I'm gonna confront him - No, no, not tonight, you're not.

I have to I'm angry

And anger is the number one enemy of the hair follicle

I will not lose my hair for that man

Look. You are not making any scenes tonight

You've put up with that man's imaginary taunts for years now

You can last one more day

Besides, if anything goes wrong tonight

Mussolini in the blonde rinse is gonna blame it all on me

Fine. Let me just..

No one's jumpin' ship yet. I'll wait

Karen, the most incredible thing just happened to me

You found something in this living room worth more than 20 bucks?

No, no, I met the hottest guy

-Hey -Hey

Oh, honey, him?

Oh, he's cute You should do him

I can't, that's so inappropriate and where?

Anywhere. For God's sake half the house is covered in plastic

How would I even do it?

All right, Grace

imagine the most beautiful flower you've ever seen

- Its petals opening... - Karen, I know how to do it

I just don't know how to make it happen It's been a long time

You're rusty, huh?

The old whore is rusty

All right, well, honey you want me to go talk to him?

No, you can't that's so inappropriate, and when?

As soon as this generic OxyContin wears off

It won't be long I'm starting to get the feeling back in my tongue

Hello, Ro

Her-ro

I'm Jack Will's friend

Not like Will and your brother are "friends".

Okay? You know one day they'll eventually be "roommates".

And then the proud parents of a Chinese girl

I know my brother's gay

I've known it since he beat up some guy in high school

when he said Lee Majors looked dopey

Ah, yes Who hasn't had that fight?

All right mingle me this

Are you nervous about your wedding?

Kind of 'cause I'm a lesbian

A lesbo says what?

I am sorry to dump that on you but this has been eating me up

I had to tell someone

what about your brother? He's gayish

It seemed easier to do it with a stranger with a sweet face

Oh, it is you just gotta know right parks

Oh, you mean me! Oh, I'm sorry

I'm so sorry

What am I gonna do? I can't get married

The thought of my fiance's touch sickens me

I'm a lesbian I'm a lesbian!

Oh, my God it feels so good to say it out loud

- Hey, babe - Hi, honey!

It's hard to pull off an Italian Thanksging

I got a lot of bocce balls in the air (��ġ: ��Ż�(Registered Trademark)�ƽ� ���� ����� ��, ball in the air�� ��Ʋ� ��Ż�(Registered Trademark)�ƽ��� �ذ��ؾ��� �(Registered Trademark)���� ���ٴ� ��)

How's it going?

Good, good. does my bra look stuffed?

- No - Damn, I just stuffed it

What is Karen doing over there? God, I hope she's playing it cool

Hey, cannoli

see that hamantash over there? (ī��(Registered Trademark)�� ��Ż�(Registered Trademark)��, �ϸ�Ÿ���� �-���� ���� �а���� ����� �ӿ� ������ �� ��� �ִ� ���� �����)

How'd you like to hit that?

So sweetie, I'll go get you a drink and I'll be right back

Thanks, babe

God, I hate him

A nice guy, but.... I can't get through sex with him

without pretending he's Renee Zellweger

I met her once Matt went to camp with her

It's the only reason I'm marrying him

Yeah, okay Listen. Ro...

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Wanna hold my hand?

I'm not a therapist

though I do own a monocle, but

it seems to me perhaps you should not marry him

But I have to

My parents have been dreaming about my wedding forever

It'll kill them to know that their only girl loves only girls

Whoa, what are you talking about?

Your parents have done everything right They raised all their kids gay

Why would they not accept you?

It's different with Vince

He's a guy, and we're Italian All Italian guys are gay

That's because the country's shaped like a thigh-high boot

Look, you're the only person who knows so please don't tell anyone

Well, I won't but you have to, Ro

And this is the perfect opportunity.

Thanksgiving celebrates the day the girl Indians

first introduced the girl pilgrims to sex

Yeah, they called it "maize".

Because lesbian sex is very confusing and if you're not careful

one can lose their way

So you're saying I should come out today?

Yes! At dinner

You can wave a turkey leg for emphasis

- Hey - Hey

- I'm Sal - Grace.

- So you wanna see the garage? - Yeah

Don't do that! That's...

Kinda how I shot my uncle

Oh. I'm gonna throw 'em out and start again

Don't worry about it This is Queens

Three second rule's like a three day rule (���� 3�� ���� �ϸ� �뼭 �ȴٴ� ��Ģ)

No, no, no

I'm gonna throw them out Your mom will know

She's a witch I mean, she's darling

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Look. You're important to me And.....

Your family is important to you

and what kind of future are we gonna have together if...

if I'm not accepted here?

That's sweet

But, Will, I really think you're reading way too much into everything my mother says

Hey, there you are Vinnie boy

you wanna go downstairs and get the leaf for the dining room table?

We can't do it together?

Would it kill you to spend some time with me?!

You shouldn't do that That's kinda how Vince shot his uncle

Annette

I had the feeling our paths would cross again

Why are you talking like that?

I don't know it just seemed appropriate

the way you appeared out of the mist like a Nazi soldier

You seem nervous, Will

Like maybe you think you gotta impress me or something

- I don't? - No, you do

You know, this family's got a lot of happy occasions coming up

Christmas, New Year's Ro's wedding

You think you're gonna be here for all of 'em?

I'd like to think I am

And I'd like to think I'm gonna dance again

I know one thing for sure

By the end of the night

you're gonna love me

I doubt it

I've yet to meet a man who's good enough for my son

Believe me, it would have to be one hell of a perfect evening

for me to feel that way about you

-Is that a challenge, Annette? -It might be

Then meet me on the airfield with the letters of transit. Come alone

I don't know what the hell that was but I don't like it!

I thought we were doing a thing!

Oh, damn it!

Oh, God There you are

I've been looking all over for you

This two-bedroom attached house is like a Rubik's Cube (��� ť��: ������ü ���� ���ߴ� ����)

How's it going out there?

Great! Big news

The wedding's off

Ro is a lesbian and she's gonna tell everybody at dinnertonight

If you never told me to talk to her

I woulda never convinced her to come out today

But don't worry, buddy I'll give you all the credit