Original subtitles

Boy, there is nothing like spending a day at a museum

to remind you just how painfully boring museums are

I don't understand why they used to paint everybody so fat

It's disgusting

Although, Jesus did look pretty hot a couple of times

You know, I once did it in a museum

Really?

Yeah, just now.

Some old guy rubbed up against me and I thought, ugh

well, may not know much about art but I know what I like

Well, I love the Metro Museum of Art

Especially, 'cause if you cover up this part with your fingers

you can make it say "fart"

That sounds like a museum where you might have your own wing

Excuse me. Oh

No problem

Well, well, well. Look at you all checking out guys' asses

That's the first time you've done that since the divorce

Well, that's because I've decided that it's time for to start dating again

-Yay! -Oh, good for you, sweetie!

I was gonna say "yay"

Well, you know, our anniversary is coming up and it got me thinking

I should get back in the game

Leo got back in the game

Leo got back in the game while we were still married

You know, if you're serious about this there's a guy I've been dying to set you up with

Sure! Bring him on Grace Adler is open for business

Why do you got to be so graphic?

Honey, I have got the perfect guy for you

He's sweet, he's funny and he is a very tender lover

Really? Who is he?

Oh, um, I don't know his name but he's in his sixties, hangs out at the museum

And if that doesn't work out

there's a guy in my office Really smart, great sense of humor

Oh, gosh. Not that loser who's always organizing those pot-lucks and bake sales

No, no, that's me!

You know what? Set 'em up Set 'em all up. Come one, come all

All right, we get it. Attention, hikers. All trails lead to mount Grace!

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Oh, gosh I'm nervous.

I haven't done this in a while

What? Shave above the knee?

Don't be nervous. Alan is a great guy And it's only dinner. No big deal

You're right Who cares if it works out?

I'm just looking to get a couple of dates under my belt

And if it works out it works out!

If it doesn't, it doesn't But if it did, it would be great

Great, it'd be fantastic! This is a big date for you

I know. It might be my last chance at happiness

Might be? Definitely is

Yeah, do not screw it up

Okay, I should go

-Wish me luck -Good luck.

Wait, whoa

You got a thing there

It's just some cover-up I had a spot

Okay, cover-up is supposed to cover it up

not make it look like a little clay mountain

God, you can shoot an episode of "Davey and Goliath" on that thing

Okay, before you go I wanna give you some advice

You wanna give me advice on dating? That's a joke

I'm in a serious relationship and you're divorced and living with a gay guy

Go on

Okay, keep your shoes on at the table

Eat butter with bread not as an hors d'oeuvre

And when the waiter offers you fresh ground pepper

don't say "Is it free?"

-Anything else? -Yes. You look beautiful

Now, come here. Lean forward

Okay, enough!

It's a first date

He's not gonna get as far with me as you just did

Well, looky here Get all slutted up for Will's guy

Won't even give my guy a chance

Your guy wasn't a guy Your guy was Sharon

Our lesbian UPS carrier

Nice

A snob and a homophobe (ȣ�������: ������ ������)

And what about my guy, Richard?

I thought you'd like him 'cause he's a world traveler

He hops trains

The studio apartment he referred to was a feed cart

Nice. A snob and a hobo-phobe

Well, in any event, honey we're rooting for you

Have a good date

Oh. Hey, hey, come here One more thing. Here. C'mere

Will already adjusted them

Oh, I wasn't adjusting them

Well, I don't know what's wrong with Grace

We're good at fixing people up

I know! I set up the Governor of Jersey with his boyfriend

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Well... not so much set them up as loaned them my apartment

Hey, we should set each other up! Yeah. I haven't been on a date in ages

Other than those dinners with Mark Wahlberg (��ũ ������: �� Ķ�� Ŭ���� ��, ����Ȱ���� �ߴ� ���)

Well, he threw out half a turkey wrap and I put it in a baggie

I eat a little bit every night

All right, honey. I'll fix you up What do you like again?

Ah, men

I know just the gender Give me more

He'd have to be kind with just an air of mystery about him

Something that'd make my pants go. huh!

- Gotcha. Okay, let's do me now. - Okay, what do you like?

Oh, I don't know, honey I mean, I'm almost 200 years old

You know, I just don't have time for all this getting-to-know-ya crap

I just want somebody who gets me Somebody who's comfortable in my world

and makes me laugh and occasionally brings me flowers

And... somebody who likes kittens and the hard-core bondage scene

So, what do you like to do when you're not interior designing?

Well, you know, I like to read novels and books go to the museum

Oh, I went to the Met the other day

So did I! I love that place!

You know if you block out the name with your finger

Nevermind Uh, what was your favorite part?

Ah, well... Okay actually I just went in to use the bathroom

So, I guess my favorite part was the toilet part

I really don't like museums

Oh, thank God You know what else I hate? Reading

You know, I probably shouldn't say this on the first date but mostly...

- I like to watch TV - I love TV!

Ever since my divorce it's been like my best friend

Oh. Did I mention that I'm divorced? It's kind of a sad story--

Oh, it's 911. I should take this. -Hello?

-Stop talking about your divorce.

-Are you here? -Yeah, I'm under the table

Really?

Look. Just keep it light and breezy

"Do you like magazines? I, too, like magazines!"

Goodbye, Will

-Sorry. -Oh, that's okay.

You were telling me about your divorce Oh, forget about that

Tell me about you I wanna hear about you

Well, I'm the mother of two beautiful boys, Gavin and Tommy

and I am super-excited to play the "Feud" (ǻ��: �������� �����ϴ� TV ���Ӽ�)

Sorry, it was on while I was getting ready

That's funny

What?

How many times have you giggled with the hair toss?

-One. -Really?

-Two -Really?

-Three -I'm here all night

Eight, okay? Leave me alone It's going well

Uh, would you hand me the butter please?

Thanks

No thanks, I don't want to fill up on bread

Hey, Grace it's Alan

I know our date just ended but I wanted to call and say I had a great time

That's sweet So did I

You're so funny. Easy to talk to, and... and gorgeous, by the way

There's the second date

Anyway, call me sometime

Tonight if you want. I'm home But not in a sad way

I actually had a date with a beautiful redhead tonight

Call me and I'll tell you about it

You know what? I think I will call you, Alan. Why Not?

Hey, Grace

Sorry, uh, bad connection Ji--Holland Tunnel

Just called--say hi Our anniversary's coming up

Remember that plan we had? I w--thinking about you.

It's Leo, by the way

Hey! How did the date with Alan go?

Oh, it didn't go very well. I don't think I'm gonna see him again

Goodnight

Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body ("����", ���� ����Ŭ�� �θ�, ������)

I know not every body has got a body like you

But I gotta think twic--

Hey! Just, uh listening to the radio

And with the holy cleansing fire

the sodomites shall be purged from the land! (�ҵ���, ���濡 ������ �����ֿ� ������ Ÿ���� �ΰ���)

I think it's important to get both sides

Well, you're going to hell anyway so you might as well dance

So, listen, why, uh-- why didn't it work out with Alan?

Oh, God How much butter did you eat?

No, we just didn't click

So, Gracie what happened last night?

Did you call Leo back or did you let him dangle?

Leo called?

It was nothing He left a message

How did you even know about that?

How come I don't even know about it?

Um, I know the code to your machine

It's 52

Will's age

Wait, what-- What did he say?

I don't-- I don't remember It was nothing. I erased it

No you didn't, silly you saved it to your private mailbox

And that code is 34C Girl is obsessed with my boobies!

- Hey, stop! - No, no, no, no. Let's hear it.

Hey, Grace

Sorry, uh, bad connection Ji--Holland Tunnel

Just called--say hi Our anniversary's coming up

Remember that plan we had? I w--thinking about you

It's Leo, by the way

So, you're not going out with Alan again

because your ex-husband called you from a submarine?

What is he even talking about? What plan?

We'd always talked about how every year on our anniversary we would

We would go back to the roof of the Peninsula Hotel

And jump?

And make love on the way down

To commemorate

where we shared our first moment together as a married couple

We had our wedding pictures taken there I think, I think he wants us to meet

Yeah, honey. Usually when couples agree to things like that

it's because neither one of them has slept with an underage Cambodian girl

It was another doctor and she wasn't underage

Oh, Grace

Like women can be doctors

Hold on, you're not considering meeting him?

I don't know Probably not

Definitely not!

It would be like the stupidest thing you could possibly do!

You see, this is why I didn't tell you because I know you

I knew that you would get all judgmental and finger pointing

That's where you're wrong Bec--

Look I just-- I hate to see you all worked up over a few staticky words

Yeah, G.G., I mean, how do you know he'd even be there?

- Because he said he loved me - He didn't say he loved you

Yes, he did at the end

I didn't hear it and I listened to it like, 40 times today

Here it comes

--thinking about you

- Here - It's Leo, by the way

"I love you, by the way."

"It's Leo, by the way."

Okay, okay. All right all right. Grace

I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything in there about love

I think I might know what I may have heard

And I am absolutely sure I may have heard "I love you".

I think

Why did he have to call? What does it matter?

I mean, what if he did say "I love you"? What do you think's gonna happen?"

You show up on the roof and you look him in the eyes

and all of a sudden, he`s not the guy who always put work before his marriage

- And, oh yeah, cheated on you! - Okay! Stop lecturing me, all right?

This anniversary is kicking my ass already

Just back off I need some space

Space? You know what? That's a good idea

I know exactly what to do

Oh good, problem solved Will's gonna shoot her into space

That's nice I've done that for friends

Here's the plan

I'm booking a hotel in the Berkshires for the weekend

Great. Finally I can get some quiet around here

No, you're coming with me I know you, Grace

If you don't, you're gonna spend your whole anniversary

sitting around here obsessing about Leo

Will? Stop it Stop trying to fix everything, okay?

I'm not going anywhere with you I just need to figure this out for myself

Honey, I'm so excited about my date!

Oh, good Lord

They'll let anybody in here Honey, would you look at that?

That's my gosh-darned gardener

Good evening, Mrs. Walker

or may I call you Karen?

You may not!

How the hell did you get out of the house?

You haven't accrued enough points to go off-grounds!

No, Karen, this is your date

Apparently, his name is Cliff

He is a widower a decorated war hero

and a breast cancer survivor

Stop humanizing him!

I know it sounds crazy, Karen but think about it for a second

You said you wanted somebody who knew you inside and out

and who would bring you flowers

For you

But please, don't tell Rosario

We have a casual thing going

Great. Now I'm getting Rosario's sloppy seconds!

Thanks for the crappy date!

Hi, um, Karen

Here! This is what a great fix-up looks like

Hello, handsome

Is there somewhere else we could go?

My wife's mother comes here

Your wife!?

Honey, he's what they call on the down low

Oprah did a whole show about it

Married men who like to get a little man time on the side

Yeah, but I'm not gay

And I would never suggest you were

Uh, would you excuse us for a moment? I don't mean to be rude,

but I need to pull her over here and tell her how disgusted I am by you

Listen... When you come out give me a call

That's the best you could come up with?

I've never so insulted in my whole life!

Yeah, well at least I tried!

I wore my Doc Martin's to the nub trolling gay bars for you!

I inhaled so much glitter my boogers look like disco balls!

- I couldn't find anyone! - I couldn't find anyone for you either!

And I wore my bone to the nub trolling all the gay bars in Manhattan

The point is nobody's good enough for you

Yeah, well nobody's good enough for you either

And they never will be!

It almost sounds like you don't want me to find anyone

Yeah, well, maybe I don't

Come on, let's face it, Jackie

You're the only who's good enough for me

Oh, Karen, I feel the same way about you, too

Hey! Why don't we be each other's boyfriend?

Oh, Jackie, I'd like that That sounds sweet

Just one question

How would I get my rocks off?

Well, that's easy

We just have sex on the side

Like married people do

This is it, Grace! I'm leaving!

Weekend in the Berkshires Last chance!

I'm serious, chances are-- are dwindling here

All right, I'm gonna count to three One, two, three

Who you talking to, crazy?

What are-- You're coming? Why did you keep hanging like that?

'Cause it's fun to make your voice go up that high

Come on, I can't wait to get out of here and forget about my anniversary

Thanks for doing this

- Glad I could help, sweetie - Oh! I got us a special treat

Stockard Channing reading The Secret Life of Bees

Ugh. Audiobooks

Just another plot to shove books down our throat

Yeah. This reading thing has gotten out of hand

I hear they're pushing this junk on kids now

Junk. Junk food. Oreos Good idea. I'll get them

Hey, Grace. Sorry, uh, bad connection. Ji--Holland Tunnel

Come on, what're you doing in there?

Just called--say hi Our anniversary's coming up

Remember that plan we had? I w--

Okay! Here we come! Ready to go!

You guys knock so softly we barely heard you

What a re-- What are you doing?

We're coming to the Berkshires with you to help you get your mind off Leo

You're not invited

Uh, that's not for you to decide, okay? It's up to Grace

- You're not invited - Yay! It's unanimous!

- Road trip! - Shotgun!

God, I hope she means she wants to ride in the front seat