Original subtitles

Oy, The gym is so far It's such a shlep

You go, goyim

I figured since you're practically a gay man I should become a little Jewish

Remember that gym we used to go to right around the corner?

Ugh, it was so convenient

The stupid State had to close it. just because a few people got held up in the steam room

Couple of nude muggings, and the whole town is suddenly full of crybabies

You know what? Forget it

Instead of throwing myself into exercise, I'm going to throw myself into my work

You do realize that when you're taking a spin class

you don't pedal and you're really just listening to music

I also was scratching my patch of eczema

That had to have burn some calories

I need an outlet for my frustration I just keep getting angry at everything

Angry at Leo, angry at the gym

- angry at you - Me?

Turkey bacon is not bacon I could kill you, Will!

You know it tastes more like bacon after you cook it, right?

You know what? I just gotta focus on the good stuff

Got my health. Got my friends Meeting a new client today

If I could just get a decent piece of bacon, I could turn this douche of a day around

Oh, I know where I have one

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It's good to be back

Adler and Walker, Walker and Adler

Honey, don't say your name next to mine

It makes mine sound Jewy

Well, yours makes mine sound drunk

Well, Right the nuts

I'm just so excited to be back at work again

You know? Getting my mind off Leo Especially with this client

She's a chic, young, single woman

She reminds me of myself OOh! I better check her credit

- Hey, Grace. Great to see you - Hey, Katherine..

- I was just telling my assistant-- - Hey, baby

Oh, this is my husband, Dan

Oh, my God. "Husband." It still sounds so funny to say

Oh, I-I thought you were single

Uh-oh

No, we're newlyweds

Single...How depressing would that be at my age?

Check, please

We, uh, we just got back from our honeymoon

- Didn't we, Mrs. Fallon? - Yes we did, Mr. Fallon

Come on in

Honey, honey. Here Take one of these

I don't know what they are, but a licensed vet gave 'em to me

Please, Karen

Just because my marriage stunk like a bag of dead turtles...

doesn't mean that I can't handle a couple of happy newlyweds

Are you sure? 'Cause they're making me a little queasy

But, then again, I'm all hopped up on dog pills

I'll be fine

Anyway, you guys, what I was thinking was--

Stop the kissing!

Yeah. Anyway, um, you know now that I know that you're a married couple,

I might have to tweak the plans just a little bit

Well, I don't know anything about design

but I do know that we want this house to be about love

Love..uh No problem

I know all about love I love love

Gimme one of the dog pills

Better take two

One just makes you stop biting yourself

What do you mean you've never been in here?

You're a gay man This is a gay landmark

Excuse me. The hospital where Judy Garland spewed out Liza Minnelli is a gay landmark

This is just a bookstore

Wait a minute...

I think I have been here before Years ago

Why yes, I have very fondle memories of this place

- You mean fond - Both, actually

William? I may buy a book

If you're going to buy a book, you better do it soon

Why? Are you gonna die?

No. The bookstore is going out of business The rents are out of control

We'll be closed by the end of the month

That's terrible! I remember shopping here when I first came out

Made me feel so proud to buy a gay book

and have you slip it into one of your non-descript brown paper bags

then put on my sunglasses and rush out of here praying to God no one would see me

I know. I've been here so many decades,

I've gone from calling Johnny here my roommate to my lover, to my...

partner, to my late husband

Oh. That's so sweet

The history of one relationship reflects the history of our struggle

Will. I think that's the guy who fondled me

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be closing

Well, if you'll excuse me, I must go in the back and watch my stories

If I miss "The Bold and the Beautiful," I become a raging bitch

Tsk. I hate that this place is closing

You know what, Jack? We-- we gotta do something

Oh, I don't know Do something?

That sounds complicated

Jack, this--this is our history It's like the, the cradle of gay civilization where

where gay man crawled from the straight ooze and, and for the first time, walked erect

Continue

We owe it to our community to

to pay tribute to the literary giants who paved the way for us to live our lives openly

- People like Oscar Wilde, James Baldwin-- - Oh, I love James Baldwin!

It makes me sick that none of the other Baldwin brothers talk to him

- But what can we do? - What can't we do?

A prominent gay lawyer and a junior executive at a real gay network

that only comes on after midnight when the Korean soap operas are over

Ooh, we have a new slogan: "Watch us... please."

And before midnight, it's: "Watch us, shipshiyo."

You know what? Why not? I will save a bookstore today

Ooh, but while we're here, can we check out lesbian erotica?

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it is they do

Yeah. I imagine it's like bumper cars

Honey, you sure you to do this job? You were a little weird yesterday

That's because I was relating their happiness to my whole thing with Leo

But you know what I realized? I'm happy they're happy

If anything, it gives me hope that someday I'll be able to have exactly what they have

Good news! The study's going to be a nursery

- We're pregnant! - I'm outta here

Um... Is she coming back?

We didn't even tell her what colors we wanted the nursery to be

Well, honey, she's a professional

I'm sure she's going to ask the baby before she does anything

What colors do you see?

Oh. Well... uh... right now, everything's sort of purple

and you two have kind an acid green aura

Oh, you mean for the baby's room!

Oh. Are-- Are you asking me to--?

Well, you do work for her, and she kind left us hanging

Right. Well... Um... I'm just spit-ballin' here, but

how 'bout some clouds drifting across a blue sky?

Oh, I like that What kind of blue?

Well, you know, a soft blue, like a 10 milligram Valium blue

And then... We'll do the mouldings in yellow

Oh, that sounds wonderful A bright yellow?

No, more of a-- Well, here, um... Lemme show you my swatches

Big crowd, Will

A sea of gay and lesbian lovers of literature

Also known as a Who's Who of Uglyville

Hi. This is a great party

Wait, are you one of the guys who organized this?

Why, yes I am It's a cause very near and dear to my heart

My lord, you're tall

Would you mind coming into the back? I'd like to reach for something

I can't believe it

So many people talked about doing something, but you actually did it

Whoa, Whoa, whoa I am not a hero, okay?

"Hero" is reserved for firefighters and our men and women in uniform

I didn't say you were a hero

There's that word again You're welcome

Yeah, this place means too much to too many people

and there is no way we are gonna let it go without a fight

Thank God. Because to see an upscale gym in this place would just break my heart

Exactly. I mean the whole-- I'm sorry. What was that?

A gymnasium They wanna take over the whole building

One of those exercise chains that perpetuate the myth of the narcissistic gay man

How awful

All those floor-length mirrors and tanning beds just around the corner from my apartment

I don't suppose those corporate devils-- Is it Crunch?

Uh, m-mentioned when this would be open by?

Probably in time for those filthy yuppies to work off their holiday feasts

and tone up their bodies for their fancy vacations at Lake George

I almost wish that they would take this place over

and then I could join, and not wipe off the equipment

- But then I'd lose my store - Calm down, I remember

Hello, everyone, and welcome

These reading glasses I've used as an affectation for years to appear smart

have once again... come to my rescue

I never realized how important this bookstore was to the community until my..

very wise friend Will Truman said to me

he said, "This bookstore is important to the community"

So without further ado I give you Will Truman

Thanks again for saving my bookshop from becoming an Equinox gym

Yeah, I heard you old man

So, we're, uh... We're here tonight to save a landmark of the community

Where else can you buy gay literature?

Well, besides online

It's certainly faster, easier, and the wave of the future. But...

For those who live in the past, we are here to preserve it

This wonderful old bookstore

Musty, pre-war Probably full of asbestos

Gives you the lungs of a miner, makes you sterile, but hey, you got your book

Heh-heh. Besides, it's not like you're--

like you're put on some government list every time you shop here

You are

And we'll be right back!

Uh, Linus, go ahead and tell 'em about

when Truman Capote bitch-slapped Tennessee Williams here

and then later coined the phrase "bitch-slap"

All right It was a hot August night...

- Will, what is going on? - They want to put a gym here

- A beautiful new gym! - Britney Spears Federline, a gym!

That is fantastic

Wait a minute What about the bookstore?

Oh, who cares? So--so they sell a few less copies of some crappy coming out story

"I'm so confused. I don't understand my feelings."

Do a one-man show like everybody else!

Will Truman, I cannot be what I'm hearing

You are the most shallow, self-serving hypocrite I've ever met

Get out Oh, this is good for that, too

Get out!

I hate having to tell that I can't do a job It's so unprofessional

I hope they don't ask for their deposit back 'cause that money's gone

Honey, don't you fret about that deposit 'Cause I've got a surprise for you

Oh, my God. Who did this?

I did. You like?

I love

But... You? I... Wow

I mean, for you to do all this, you must've missed some pretty important black-outs

It's okay, honey. I'll make 'em up I'll pull an all-nighter

This is amazing

- Karen, you did a really great job - I did, didn't I?

Honey, you were in a jam, so I-I worked hard put my nose to the mirror--

And finished something

Wow! This is so beautiful It's exactly what we wanted

Yeah, this is great. We were a little nervous after our first meeting

You kept calling the loveseat the "you're-gonna-die-alone-seat," but..

Anyway, it's perfect How did you pull it all together?

Oh, I am beyond thrilled that you're happy But, I have to be honest with you

I wasn't sure I could do this job Uh, but then, something came to my rescue

A friend of mine A little friend I call...

Inspiration

Now, of course, of course, I'm only part of a team

So none of this could've ever been done without...

one other crucial component...

Clients like you

- You know, I can't wait to see the bedroom - Me either

Let's go Come on, Karen

Oh. Look One of my swatches

- How did we do, Linus? - We didn't make it

We fell $2,000 short

Well... 2,500

My check's gonna bounce

- Sorry, I feel like I let ya down - Well, you kinda did

50 years of my life... All gone...

Just like that

Well... Look at the bright side

You've been breathin' in asbestos for 50 years

so I'm guessin' you won't be sad for too much longer

You open?

I'm looking for a book about a gay guy that... feels really bad about himself

That whole wall over there

Well. Look who it is

The worst thing to happen to gay culture since straight guys started dressing gay

I know. I screwed up

- We can't afford to lose this place - Well, I can't afford to keep it open

Well, not that you care, but we're 2,500 short

Maybe I can fix that

Ugh. Will, that is so inappropriate I can't believe you're asking him to cash a check

I'm writing a check to make up the rest, you dingus

Oh, my gosh, Will

This is the second time I've been touched in this bookstore

I guess we've proved that a couple of guys can make a real difference in this city

Thanks to us, people will still be able to see the spot

where Gertrude Stein punched Alice B Toklas in the stomach and shouted,

"Don't you come home 'til you've shaved!"

- Well, at least for another month - What do you mean?

This just covers November's rent I assume we'll be doing of these every month

Next month, maybe we could put on festive holiday ball

Oh. Every month...

So we get to do this again

Wow. Well, that sounds like fun

Yeah, sure. We'll start working on that, you know...

It's not like you can just adopt a cause and then abandon it

We're abandoning it

We won't let you down We'll letting him down

You can count on us, Linus Can't wait for the gym to open!

So close, sweetie. So close

Where did you go?

I turned around and you were gone I ended up having to take the subway

Oh, did you invent that, too?

What are you talking about?

You took credit for my work, Grace!

You were about to lose that job, and I covered for you,

and you put your name on it

That's how it works, Karen

It's called Grace Adler Designs I'm the face of the company

It's like--It's like with Colonel Sanders

If you ran into him on the street, and you told him you liked his chicken

he wouldn't say, "Oh, well, I didn't make it. Ramone did."

He'd say, "Thanks. I'm Colonel Sanders. Do you know that we're doing salads now?"

That analogy makes no sense at all

Because in this story, it was my original recipe You're Ramone!

- You're Ramone - You're Ramone

Okay, look, this is ridiculous We're not gonna get anywhere

calling each other names all day, Ramone

I'm sorry you're upset But it's business

I didn't do it for business I did it as a friend

And you know what a friend does when another friend saves their ass?

They acknowledge it

Okay

Thank you

It's too late

You know, for nine years, I have religiously shown up occasionally at this office...

and I have never once cashed a paycheck And you know why?

Because you're my friend

Or at least, I thought you were

All right

I'm sorry....

Are we okay?

No. We're not I quit

- Are y-- Are you serious? - Yes. I am serious, Grace

I'll pack my things and leaving