Original subtitles

Hello?

- What? - Why are you wearing that?

So that even people in your dreams know you're gay?

Hey. All day long my calves are suffocated by pants

Nighttime is-- is their time

- What are you doing? - I can't sleep

Look what I found

It's called a book, Grace

We keep them in the den to seem smart

No. The flower

Leo bought this for me on our second date

I felt so bad I didn't get him anything, I put out

God, you'll do anything to save a buck

I can't believe my marriage is over

What's gonna happen to us, Will?

We're just gonna end up two old spinsters rotting away

in this apartment, bickering over who peed on the sofa

Look, first of all--

We both know who peed on the sofa Okay?

And second, I have a boyfriend

You and Vince are so lucky. You will never know the pain of divorce

Well, that's 'cause we're legally barred from the joy of marriage

It's 3:00 AM! What the ham samwich is going on?

What are you--

What am I--?! What are you--?! Take that off!

You take it off! I wore it to bed before you

This is humiliating

You coulda had the decency to at least call me

I did! I left a message!

I said, "Jack I'm wearing a nightshirt."

- You check in about your sleepwear? - Yeah

And why we bother is a mystery to me

Look, just keep it down, okay?

Tomorrow is my first rehearsal as backup dancer

with one Miss Janet Jackson

I need to be in control (Control; �ڳ� �轼�� �ٹ��̸� �� �ϳ�)

You know how huge that is?

There isn't one person in this room who hasn't had anonymous sex to her music

He's right

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Hey, thanks for walking me to rehearsal

So, why don't you stick around, Karen? I'll introduce you to Janet Jackson

Oh, that would be fantastic

You know, Rosario wants to get her autograph

She's a huge Janet Jackson fan

Or was that Jesse Jackson?

Which one ran for president?

I do not know

You know what? I've gotta find the ladies' room

It's true what they say: You don't buy tequila. You rent it

Hello You must be the newbie

If that means do I shave down there, yes

- Hi, I'm Jack McFarland - Artemus Johnson

Hi

And if you don't mind my saying, uh you seem a little old for a dancer

Miss Jackson doesn't like her dancers old

- How old are you? - 22

- I'm 21 - I'm 20. I was born in 196-- 7-- 84

Okay, dancers. Janet's coming And please, don't make a big fuss

It's not her style

Hey, great entrance

Thank you It costs a little extra

but I make up for it by having all of you guys pay for your own costumes

Hi, Miss Jackson I'm Jack McFarland

I am dancer number 6

Oh, you're the newbie

Oh, God, I gotta start closing the door in my dressing room

Uh, can you start the music... British guy?

Okay, follow me!

- And five, six, seven-- - W-w-wait.

Can you say that again?

- Five, six, seven, eight? - No, just the first part.

- Five? - Five. That's it

You know, I feel this connection between Jackson and five

I don't know what it is

But, it--it's powerful, you know It's--Five is a very mystical number

Uh, this is true, Miss Jackson

It is the number of fingers on one hand

and the number of people in a monage a trois

I think I want five dancers instead of six

Which means one of you has to go

Fire the new guy Who said that?

Shut up, Kent Break it up, fellas

Fire the guy who's been here the longest

Shut up, Jack! You shut up, Jack! Come on, guys. Take it outside

I think I know what we have to do We have to have a dance-off

Dance-off? Dance-off!

Between the new guy, and the guy who's been here the longest

The guy who's been here the longest!

Don't you think, that it's a little unfair to judge us solely on our dancing ability?

Dancing ability dancing ability, dan--

Oh, we're not doing that? Okay, sorry

Whoa... What happened?

I'm like a mile away tellin' some lady next to me

I'm gonna make a lasagna tonight

She was wearing the same outfit

Come on, Truman I wanna make that 3:00 movie

I'm sorry, I up all night with Grace and--

- Hello, Grace - Will, I need to talk

Why? What happened? Are you okay?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found one of Leo's old shirts

Oh, no. Not the super-soft NYU med school one

that could double as a shorty nighty?

Yeah That's the-- What?

The point is, you're upset and you've gotta get rid of that thing

So wrap it in tissue and put it in my cedar chest

I'll be right home

I'm sorry, I gotta go I can't go to the movie

- Grace is just having a really-- - It's okay. It's okay

She's going through a rough time I like that you're a good friend

- See you tomorrow at lunch - Yeah-- Wha-- Lunch?

With my lieutenant I told you, like, 10 times

Oh, can't we get out of that? You said the guy's a racist homophobe

And an anti-Semite

It just doesn't come up much 'cause there are no Jewish cops or perps

This is my boss, Will It's important

Well, if it's important to you it's important to me

What, Grace?

I am not wearing your sweatsuit Yours is lavender

God, Karen, I'm so nervous

I haven't hada dance-off since highschool

Well, it wasn't so much a dance-off as I was beaten up by the football team

But I still danced my heart out

Honey... It's memories like that those football player will treasure forever

Oh, God. My knee I can hardly walk

Luckily, I don't have to walk I just have to dance

You're goin' down, newbie!

Actually, I'm lettin' it grow out

Why, Artemus Johnson...

Hello, Karen

Well, well, well

- It's been a long time - 12 years to be exact

Seattle, 1992 We met at the Space Needle (�����̽� �ϵ�; �þ�Ʋ�� ����, ����Ÿ�� ���)

Unquestionably our country's greatest needle

It started to rain

And we started to make love

The rest passed like a dream

Taking the monorail to Seahawks and Sonics games

watching them throw fish at Pike Place Market

Sipping lattes at the original Starbucks

Yes, it was quite a day, wasn't it?

Wait. My dance-off opponent was your former lover?

What a twist!

I did not see that coming

- This show is so sad - What are you watching?

My wedding video

Look, there's Leo and meholding hands

Look how happy and beautiful I was

Now all I have is my beauty

My saaaad beauty

- Why are you watching this? - Well, how could I not?

It's on all the time!

Come on, come on Watch with me

Let's see if we can spot the moment where Leo checked out of the marriage

Yeah, it sounds like fun I'm running late

Got lunch with my gay cop boyfriend's homophobic lieutenant

I know I've used that like, 100 times but this time I really mean it

You know, this is really bad timing

You getting involved with someone while I'm going through all this

You're right

This is worse than when I arranged to have my grandmother die the day

you wanted to seethe Lizzie Maguire movie

Can you at least stayfive more minutes?

What do you need me for? You're just sitting around, picking at a scab

I cut myself shaving three weeks ago and it still hasn't healed!

Not that scab! The emotional sc-- Oh, never mind! I gotta go

Fine, don't let me keep you

- Wow, your hair looked good that day - You know the secret?

I got it cut exactly two weeks before the wedding. And it-- No, n-n-no

Nice try!

You guys, did I leave my Lady Schick-- What the--!

That's right, Jackie We're back together

Like a Sicilian woman's eyebrows we cannot be kept apart

How could you do this, Karen?

How could you with Artemus my archnemesis?

It's worse than that time you sleptwith Fievel... My arch-rival

Okay, calm downListen to me

This is not going to affect you, or the dance-off

Shh, okay?

Now. I need you to let Artemus win the dance-off. Okay?

What? Are you asking to throw the dance?

That's like asking Einstein to throw the-- Wait, who's Einstein, again?

I agree with Jack

I prefer to let the best man win

Let me win, please! Come on, let me win

- I'm old - I'm old, too

- I'm 33 - I'm 35

- I'm 40 - I'm 20

I'm 19 Game on!

Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta go call my daughter

who just graduated from law school today

Jackie, please? Let him win

Without this job, he's got nothing Besides, I love him!

You don't love him! He's just a rebound guy

I resent that! I am vulnerable

And this is the first man that I have been with since my marriage failed

who has allowed me to come back--

rebound, if you will--

from all that pain

So how dare you imply some sort of "rebound guy."

Fine! But I still won't throw the dance

I wouldn't do it for 30 football players pushing my face into the gym floor

and I won't do it for you!

Yeah, they got me doin' this sensitivity training

I wasn't sure about it at first but, uh, it's been eye-opening

- Pay attention - I am

Like, did you know you're not supposed to say the word "Oriental" anymore?

It's considered disparaging

Unless you're talking about a rug

Made by an Oriental Ha ha ha ha!

- Enough with the phone already - I'm sorry. Grace and I had a fi--

Never mind

You know what else is not popular all of a sudden?

"Wop"

Yeah, it's a shame so many racial epithets

have fallen out since the civil rights movement

Excuse me

Aw, me and my big mouth

- Please tell me he's not a Guinea - No, sir. He's not

But for what it's worth, I am

- Hey - Hey

- I'm sorry - Me too

You know what?You may be right

I think I'm making things worse

Oh, sweetie I hear rustling

Is-- Are you wearing your wedding dress?

No, just the veil

For God's sake, Grace! Take that off and put it back in my closet!

Look, I gotta go Just, just--

Remember that jerk cheated on you and you are better off alone

What are you doing?

I'm stuck in there, listening to him talk about how he's learning to love

his mulatto bastard grandchild

I'm sorry I had to talk to Grace

Right. 'Cause we're having lunch from 1:00 to 2:00

which only leaves you 23 hours to catch up on her problems

What about me, Will?

You know, this is a relation-ship

When one of the crew goes overboard the ship sinks

No, it doesn't That's a terrible metaphor

You're a terrible metaphor

- That's a comeback? - You're a comeback!

Come on

I won't call her anymore We talked, I told her she's better off alone

"Better off alone"?

See that in a lot of suicide notes

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry I just--

How can I put in words you'll understand...

There's a Hebe in trouble

Welcome to Dance-Off 2004 Sponsored by Pennzoil (������: ���� ���� ��)

Now We're gonna do our standard routine

I'll step out You two freestyle

Now, during that time you're not allowed to do this...

Okay? Or this...

Or this...

But you can do this...

And you have to give meat least two of these...

Okay Places, people

And...

Five, six, seven, eight

All right, now everybody join in

Please, Jackie do it for me!

Karen, what are you doing here?

Come on, Jackie! I love him

- Ooh, here comes the change up! - Get off the dance floor!

Freestyle Jack, you go first

Oh, Jackie. Jackie, please. Please! I love my rebound guy

All right, I throw the dance! Stop!

If anybody finds a pin, I think it came out of my knee

Jack, you're a very courageous man to stop a dance-off sponsored by Pennzoil

Well, Janet, I love dancing high-quality motor oil, and you

But... A good friend asked me something and I-- I may not understand why and...

She's done a lot for me without asking questions

So, I-I really wanna do this for her

Well, it's nice that you'd throw the dance for her

but you still wouldn't do it for me!?

Karen! This is for you

Oh, Jackie Thank you

You're a good friend

Artemus, yay! You can keep your job

Let's go celebrate!

No can do Sorry, we're through

I was only using you to get what I wanted

Now that I got that what do I need you for?

Wait a minute. That--that gives me an idea Can you say that again?

- What do I need you for? - No, just the last part

For

Four. That's a much more mystical number

You're right, Miss Jackson It is...

It's the number of people in a monage a trois if one of them gets tired

I only need four dancers

Artemus, Jack, I'm sorry But you're both out

Five! What was I thinking?

Hey, Vince It's me again

I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry about lunch. Again

I-- I liked your Lieutenant It was-- It was nice of him to say that

I-I wasn't as big a sissy as as he thought I'd be

Anyway, call me

You want a reminder of how good you have it??

Come look at pictures of my wedding to a future adulterer

Why don't you just cut his head out of the pictures

like everybody else does and move on?

Ugh. Now there's a visitor?

Vince, what's going on?

I was chasing a suspect past your building so I thought I'd come up

I got some anger I need to express I was afraid if I took it out on the suspect

they'd suspend me again

So, you're gonna beat me?

I'm not mad at you, Will

I'm mad at Grace

Yeah, beat her!

You're too needy

And it's affecting my relationship with Will So stop being so selfish!

Whoa!

I have sat up with this guy listening to him complaining for years

"No one loves me I can't get a date."

And now I need him for a few weeks And you've got a problem?

You're the one who's selfish! I'm mad at you. How 'bout that?

- I reject your anger - I reject yours

- Will, tell her she's nuts - Will, tell her she's bluh-uh...

Hey, that's really, really mature Stupid head

Hey! Stop it, you two!

- You know, just pick somebody, Will - Yeah, pick someone

- Me or stupid head - Stupid head's mine, stupid head

- Pick me - That's crazy!

- Pick me - I am not picking sides here

- Pick someone, Will! - Okay, okay! I--

I pick my boyfriend I really pick you

It's like a stage whisper I can hear you

Look, Vince, listen, I...

Grace and I have been together a long time

So this tends to happen, you know... When you date Will, you...

You kinda date Will and Grace

It's true

That's a bunch of crap

I'm not dating Grace I'm dating you

But I want all of you and I won't settle for less

So when you know what you want you call me

Wow. That's, like, the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to us

I know. I don't want us to lose him

Vince, wait!

I know what I want

I want you to stay I want to work on this

I'll leave you guys alone

It's time that I put this away, anyway

- So, uh-- - Is that a wedding album?

'Cause I love those

Mmmm.... That's a nice dress

Vera Wang

Do I look like I became gay yesterday?

Um, what-- What are you doing? I thought we were gonna figure this out

Yeah, later, Rude We're looking at a wedding album

Well, we haven't resolved anything I mean, what if I can never pick a side?

Yeah, that's one of your hot-button issues You should work on that

Yeah, work on that, Will

This is Leo?

Yeah

He looks shifty

Give me his license I'll have his car booted

Thank you, Vince

I'm sorry about your job, Jackie

- That was your dream - Yeah. Well, you know...

At least I got to dance with two of the three greatest superstar dancers of our time

Who's the third?

Oh, Jackie

Mmm

Oh, to answer your question? Madonna