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1
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:07,005
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
in front of a live audience.
2
00:00:07,054 --> 00:00:08,811
- Okay, Daddy.
We'll see you soon.
3
00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:11,231
They're ten minutes away.
My dad stopped for a hot dog.
4
00:00:11,269 --> 00:00:12,440
- But I'm making dinner!
5
00:00:12,488 --> 00:00:14,447
- Don't make a big thing
about it!
6
00:00:14,485 --> 00:00:17,290
- Our first meal together
since your dad married my mom,
7
00:00:17,328 --> 00:00:18,797
and he ruins it
by eating beforehand?
8
00:00:18,836 --> 00:00:19,920
Who does that?
9
00:00:21,466 --> 00:00:22,724
Grace, I'm making dinner!
10
00:00:22,762 --> 00:00:24,808
- Don't make a big thing
about it!
11
00:00:25,691 --> 00:00:28,533
Hey, look, don't stress.
It's all good.
12
00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:30,117
We're taking care
of both parents in one swoop.
13
00:00:30,165 --> 00:00:31,539
- Yeah, that's true.
14
00:00:31,587 --> 00:00:32,671
It'll be nice to connect
with your dad
15
00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:33,920
and for you to bond
with my mom.
16
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,264
- Well, I'm already close
with your mom.
17
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,224
- Yeah, you're listed
in her phone
18
00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,645
as Will's Jewish friend.
19
00:00:41,525 --> 00:00:43,282
[door shuts]
20
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:44,953
- Sorry, I'm just having
a tough day.
21
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,881
I just...need to see
a friendly face.
22
00:00:56,907 --> 00:00:58,577
Hello, beautiful.
23
00:01:00,545 --> 00:01:03,090
- Who's the fairiest
of them all?
24
00:01:04,137 --> 00:01:05,222
- Is everything all right?
25
00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:06,355
- Thank you.
26
00:01:06,393 --> 00:01:07,776
Thank you for asking.
27
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,242
You've always been
the nice one, Grace.
28
00:01:12,328 --> 00:01:13,662
Just emotionally,
I'm just--
29
00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:14,795
you know,
I'm kind of in the weeds.
30
00:01:14,834 --> 00:01:16,130
- Your wedding
stressing you out?
31
00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:18,011
- Yeah, and my play,
"Gaybraham Twinkin',"
32
00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:20,642
which "Time Out"
magazine called
33
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,477
"3 1/2 hours long."
34
00:01:22,525 --> 00:01:23,945
- It's that long?
35
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,616
- It was four,
but I cut out the scene
36
00:01:25,654 --> 00:01:27,537
of Abe manscaping.
37
00:01:30,292 --> 00:01:32,347
But it still isn't enough time
to cover the relationship
38
00:01:32,385 --> 00:01:34,393
between Abe
and his gay lover, Joshua--
39
00:01:35,353 --> 00:01:36,649
Wait, you said you saw it.
40
00:01:36,688 --> 00:01:39,491
- We did.
- And we loved it.
41
00:01:40,739 --> 00:01:41,786
- Prove it.
42
00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:42,996
If you saw it, how was I?
43
00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:45,252
- So good.
- So good.
44
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:47,768
- Okay, you saw it.
45
00:01:50,149 --> 00:01:52,108
But I don't even care!
46
00:01:52,156 --> 00:01:53,616
I'm more worried
about my wedding.
47
00:01:55,411 --> 00:01:57,293
- I thought Karen was helping
you with the planning.
48
00:01:57,331 --> 00:01:58,752
- That's the problem.
49
00:01:58,800 --> 00:01:59,885
She's doing everything,
50
00:01:59,923 --> 00:02:00,923
and because she's paying
for it,
51
00:02:00,971 --> 00:02:02,266
I don't get anything I want.
52
00:02:02,305 --> 00:02:03,265
- Well, what's something
you want
53
00:02:03,313 --> 00:02:04,523
that she won't let you have?
54
00:02:04,562 --> 00:02:05,819
- Can I show you?
- Yeah.
55
00:02:07,903 --> 00:02:09,574
Is that a--
- It is.
56
00:02:09,622 --> 00:02:11,417
A unicorn dessert station.
57
00:02:11,455 --> 00:02:13,213
You choose
your unicorn-themed cakes,
58
00:02:13,251 --> 00:02:14,759
mini-cakes,
and profiteroles here,
59
00:02:14,797 --> 00:02:16,765
and then when you get
to the unicorn's horn--
60
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:17,726
- It doesn't.
[cork pops]
61
00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:19,483
- It does!
62
00:02:23,497 --> 00:02:25,292
It shoots out
marshmallow fluff!
63
00:02:25,331 --> 00:02:26,339
Out of its horn!
64
00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:28,172
All over your face!
65
00:02:31,638 --> 00:02:33,396
It's what I dreamed
of having at my wedding
66
00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:35,739
ever since I was a little boy.
67
00:02:35,777 --> 00:02:38,706
- Okay, first of all,
that is gross.
68
00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:39,791
- And you'll be
first in line.
69
00:02:39,829 --> 00:02:42,172
- Hell yes!
70
00:02:42,211 --> 00:02:43,468
Jack, come on!
71
00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:44,889
If you want it,
just put your foot down.
72
00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,100
- [sighs] I can't.
She's paying.
73
00:02:46,148 --> 00:02:47,558
- It's your wedding.
74
00:02:47,606 --> 00:02:49,277
- I don't know.
I'll do something.
75
00:02:49,315 --> 00:02:51,745
Look, I have to get
to the theater.
76
00:02:51,783 --> 00:02:52,994
That is my life, after all.
77
00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:54,126
- All right, well,
78
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:55,922
break a leg.
79
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,140
- What a horrible thing to say.
80
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,724
[door shuts]
81
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,605
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
82
00:03:02,652 --> 00:03:09,374
♪
83
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:13,014
- Martin, how's the brisket?
84
00:03:13,052 --> 00:03:14,771
- Good! Very good.
85
00:03:14,809 --> 00:03:17,104
- Mm-hmm.
- So, Mom.
86
00:03:18,074 --> 00:03:19,034
Mom.
87
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,126
Marilyn?
88
00:03:22,164 --> 00:03:23,422
- Yes, Grace.
89
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,143
- S-so now that you and Dad
are living in the city,
90
00:03:30,191 --> 00:03:33,034
you think you're gonna sell
the Connecticut house?
91
00:03:33,072 --> 00:03:35,328
- Oh...I don't know.
92
00:03:35,366 --> 00:03:37,037
It's very personal.
93
00:03:37,085 --> 00:03:38,170
- I get that.
I suppose if I lived
94
00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:39,841
in one house
for as many years--
95
00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:43,020
- No, no, dear,
your question is very personal.
96
00:03:44,526 --> 00:03:45,689
- I say we dump it.
97
00:03:45,737 --> 00:03:47,359
Who wants to live
in Connecticut?
98
00:03:47,407 --> 00:03:49,040
It's so goyish.
The state flower is mayonnaise.
99
00:03:51,872 --> 00:03:54,138
- Oh, the city is exciting.
100
00:03:54,177 --> 00:03:58,104
We saw Nathan Lane last week,
buying gum!
101
00:03:58,142 --> 00:03:59,486
- Mm!
102
00:03:59,524 --> 00:04:01,781
- Oh, why not?
Let's sell it.
103
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:04,287
- Well, you made that decision
kind of fast, didn't you, Mom?
104
00:04:04,326 --> 00:04:06,207
I mean, I grew up
in that house.
105
00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:09,760
Dad gave up on me
in that yard.
106
00:04:09,809 --> 00:04:11,978
- Well, if Martin's
not crazy about it,
107
00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:13,563
why hang on to it?
108
00:04:13,611 --> 00:04:15,781
Oh, besides,
we could use the money
109
00:04:15,819 --> 00:04:17,452
to buy a summer place.
110
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,669
- You want a summer place?
- It might be nice.
111
00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:22,089
Maybe something in Connecticut.
112
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,314
- All right, we'll do it!
113
00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:27,350
both: Mwah.
114
00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:28,772
- You see?
115
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:30,155
That's the secret
to a happy marriage.
116
00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:32,661
Not communication
and date nights.
117
00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:33,918
Acceptance.
118
00:04:33,957 --> 00:04:35,464
No fighting.
Just accept.
119
00:04:35,503 --> 00:04:36,962
- So what are you saying,
you two don't fight?
120
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,641
- Well, that was what
our first marriages were about.
121
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,898
Now we prefer to be happy.
122
00:04:41,936 --> 00:04:43,530
- Mm. Ah. Ooh.
- What?
123
00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:45,163
- Daddy? Are you all right?
124
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,747
- Yeah, maybe the brisket
was a little spicy.
125
00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,081
- Nothing spicy in it.
126
00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:49,378
- I thought it was
spicy too, dear.
127
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,181
- Ooh. Maybe a hot pepper.
128
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,304
- There's no peppers in it.
129
00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:55,273
- Maybe a shard of glass.
130
00:04:55,312 --> 00:04:57,942
- Yes, well, the recipe did
call for a cup of diced glass.
131
00:04:57,990 --> 00:04:59,113
- Ah!
- All right, that's it.
132
00:04:59,152 --> 00:05:00,573
We're going to the hospital.
Come on.
133
00:05:00,621 --> 00:05:01,793
- Where--where's his coat?
134
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:02,916
- Uh, it's on the couch, Mom.
135
00:05:02,964 --> 00:05:03,876
- Now, where's his coat?
136
00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:05,259
- Mom, it's on the couch.
137
00:05:05,298 --> 00:05:06,430
- Oh, he's gonna get cold.
138
00:05:06,469 --> 00:05:08,438
Somebody tell me
where his coat is.
139
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,319
- Coat is on the couch,
Marilyn.
140
00:05:10,358 --> 00:05:11,443
- Thank you, Grace.
141
00:05:11,481 --> 00:05:13,238
I don't know why
that was so hard.
142
00:05:17,338 --> 00:05:17,539
.
143
00:05:17,587 --> 00:05:20,344
[upbeat piano music]
144
00:05:20,382 --> 00:05:22,389
♪
145
00:05:22,437 --> 00:05:24,444
- ♪ Joshua, oh, Joshua
146
00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:27,410
♪ I love you, but,
oh, my gosh-ua! ♪
147
00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:31,837
♪ What do you think of me?
148
00:05:31,876 --> 00:05:34,132
♪ Me for your thoughts
149
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:36,475
♪ Me for
your thoughts ♪
150
00:05:36,513 --> 00:05:37,733
♪ If you like 'em
tall and round ♪
151
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,778
♪ Then pick me up
off the ground ♪
152
00:05:39,816 --> 00:05:42,572
♪ I'm a penny!
153
00:05:47,421 --> 00:05:50,138
So that'll replace
the shadow puppet sequence,
154
00:05:50,176 --> 00:05:51,809
which the police made me cut.
155
00:05:53,316 --> 00:05:55,611
- Good idea, honey.
Keep changing it up.
156
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,157
It's what keeps me
and the homeless man
157
00:05:57,205 --> 00:05:59,999
who takes a dump in the lobby
coming back.
158
00:06:00,047 --> 00:06:02,553
- Okay, now I'm gonna run lines
for the scene
159
00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:04,473
where Gaybraham tells
a sleeping Mary Todd
160
00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:06,519
that he's taking a fairy
to Provincetown.
161
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:10,571
And that fairy is his lovah,
Joshua Speed.
162
00:06:10,619 --> 00:06:12,501
[phone ringing]
163
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,546
- What's up, wedding planner?
164
00:06:14,585 --> 00:06:16,216
A unicorn?
165
00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:17,887
That sprays what?
166
00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:20,105
Out of its where?
167
00:06:20,979 --> 00:06:22,650
All over your huh?
168
00:06:24,493 --> 00:06:27,288
Well, who the hell asked
for that?
169
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:28,670
- That was me.
170
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,302
Uh, I just thought
it'd be a hoot, you know, if-
171
00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:31,762
- Yeah, no, Poodle,
it's ticky-tacky.
172
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:36,236
And besides, I am paying
for everything, so yeah.
173
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:38,445
Just do what you did
for Donald's inauguration,
174
00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:41,076
but we're expecting
a few more people.
175
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,597
- Karen, maybe this one time,
we could just--
176
00:06:46,636 --> 00:06:47,768
- Paying.
- It's just that--
177
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:48,767
- For.
- Shouldn't we have--
178
00:06:48,815 --> 00:06:50,947
- Everything.
- [sighs]
179
00:06:50,985 --> 00:06:52,781
- Honey! Trust me.
180
00:06:52,819 --> 00:06:54,788
I know what's best for you.
181
00:06:54,826 --> 00:06:56,670
- But you don't understand.
182
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,714
My whole life, I have dreamed
of a unicorn that shoots out--
183
00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:01,644
[phone buzzes, dings]
Come...on!
184
00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:07,154
Rory's sister
can't make it tonight.
185
00:07:07,202 --> 00:07:09,076
She's my Mary Todd!
186
00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:11,591
"Jack, due to circumstances
beyond my control,
187
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,511
I don't want to do
the show anymore."
188
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,846
Great.
189
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:16,603
The one night I have
an esteemed critic
190
00:07:16,642 --> 00:07:18,523
from "Butt" magazine coming.
191
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,654
Two thumbs up from him
could make or break a show.
192
00:07:22,748 --> 00:07:25,590
- Honey, can't you just talk
to a pile of pillows
193
00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:28,385
or ask Doug the Bum to step in?
194
00:07:28,423 --> 00:07:31,140
- I don't know.
I feel weird asking Doug.
195
00:07:31,188 --> 00:07:33,694
He has a Tony.
196
00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:34,865
- All right.
197
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:37,199
Here's what's going to happen.
198
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:39,542
I'm going to play Mary Todd.
199
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:41,385
- Oh, my God,
you would do that for me?
200
00:07:41,424 --> 00:07:42,845
Because it's super easy.
All you have to do
201
00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:44,429
is lie there in bed
with your eyes closed
202
00:07:44,477 --> 00:07:45,725
and pretend
like you're sleeping.
203
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:46,811
- Oh. Honey, no prob.
204
00:07:46,859 --> 00:07:48,317
That's what I used to do
with Stan
205
00:07:48,357 --> 00:07:50,411
when he wanted to go
to fifth base.
206
00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:54,339
You know...
wouldn't it be better
207
00:07:54,377 --> 00:07:57,219
if Mary Todd had
a couple of lines?
208
00:07:57,257 --> 00:07:59,139
- [laughs]
209
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,810
It's a one-man show.
210
00:08:00,858 --> 00:08:03,403
- And I'm the one man
paying for it.
211
00:08:03,451 --> 00:08:04,574
- [laughs]
212
00:08:04,612 --> 00:08:06,705
And I appreciate that.
I do.
213
00:08:06,744 --> 00:08:08,251
But this play's
very important to me,
214
00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:10,422
and I want it to be done
just the right way.
215
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:11,843
- Uh, let me get this straight.
216
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,271
You want it to be done...
just the right way.
217
00:08:15,319 --> 00:08:17,277
- Yeah.
- Okay.
218
00:08:17,315 --> 00:08:18,909
Well, I think
we're on the same page.
219
00:08:18,948 --> 00:08:20,331
- Oh.
[laughs]
220
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:22,002
Phew.
- [chuckles]
221
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,883
- I don't usually win
these standoffs with you.
222
00:08:23,922 --> 00:08:25,054
- No.
223
00:08:25,093 --> 00:08:26,600
You usually don't.
224
00:08:29,193 --> 00:08:30,691
- Here.
- Thanks.
225
00:08:30,739 --> 00:08:31,824
Gosh.
226
00:08:31,863 --> 00:08:33,956
This worked out so perfectly.
227
00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:35,751
My dad has AB-negative blood.
You're AB-negative.
228
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:38,094
- I know, and I've been wanting
to bond with your dad.
229
00:08:38,132 --> 00:08:40,139
Now I'm gonna donate my blood.
230
00:08:40,177 --> 00:08:42,434
I'll literally be inside
your father.
231
00:08:44,277 --> 00:08:46,783
- You want to rephrase that?
- So much. So much. Yeah.
232
00:08:46,822 --> 00:08:51,124
Well, this hero is off
to save a life.
233
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:52,968
Maybe I'll stop by
the children's ward
234
00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:53,928
on the way back.
235
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,474
They'd like that.
236
00:08:58,901 --> 00:09:01,119
- Hey, Daddy.
How are you feeling?
237
00:09:01,158 --> 00:09:03,539
- Eh, trying to figure out
how to swap this bag
238
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,209
for a bottle of Chivas.
239
00:09:06,218 --> 00:09:07,303
Where's Marilyn?
240
00:09:07,341 --> 00:09:08,263
- Oh, she's just filling out
241
00:09:08,302 --> 00:09:09,434
some forms for the blood.
242
00:09:09,473 --> 00:09:11,143
- Oh, I'm surprised
they had my type.
243
00:09:11,182 --> 00:09:12,901
- Oh, you must've been asleep.
244
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,149
Will's giving you blood.
245
00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,203
- Will?
- Yeah.
246
00:09:16,243 --> 00:09:18,874
He's AB-negative also.
I mean, isn't that amazing?
247
00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:20,880
- Well...
- "Well" what?
248
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,599
- I'm not taking Will's blood.
249
00:09:22,637 --> 00:09:24,644
- Why?
- You know why.
250
00:09:24,683 --> 00:09:26,814
- Because he's gay?
- Well, yeah!
251
00:09:26,862 --> 00:09:28,149
- Daddy!
- Look.
252
00:09:28,197 --> 00:09:29,195
I know about these things.
253
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:31,163
There's a certain risk, okay?
254
00:09:31,202 --> 00:09:33,084
- He gets tested.
255
00:09:33,123 --> 00:09:35,801
Plus, they screen the blood.
It's safe.
256
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:36,924
- Yeah, forget about it.
257
00:09:36,972 --> 00:09:38,269
I'll wait
for the straight blood.
258
00:09:39,181 --> 00:09:40,938
- The straight blood.
259
00:09:40,986 --> 00:09:42,446
Daddy, that's the most
offensive thing
260
00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,030
I've ever heard you say.
261
00:09:44,078 --> 00:09:45,576
And I've gone on
262
00:09:45,624 --> 00:09:47,247
the It's a Small World ride
with you.
263
00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:50,214
- Please, Grace, stop, okay?
264
00:09:50,262 --> 00:09:51,510
I don't want to do this
with you.
265
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:54,103
We did the MeToo thing.
There was learning.
266
00:09:54,141 --> 00:09:55,063
I heard you.
267
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:56,532
But this is not the time.
268
00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:58,203
- [scoffs]
269
00:09:58,241 --> 00:09:59,787
What am I supposed
to tell Will?
270
00:09:59,826 --> 00:10:01,045
- Let him think
I took his blood.
271
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:03,177
That's why Marilyn and I
are so happy.
272
00:10:03,215 --> 00:10:06,095
We don't have to discuss
every little thing.
273
00:10:06,143 --> 00:10:08,649
- Okay, uh, Mr. Adler,
have you taken
274
00:10:08,688 --> 00:10:11,443
any recreational drugs
in the last 24 hours?
275
00:10:11,492 --> 00:10:12,529
- No.
276
00:10:12,577 --> 00:10:13,700
- Great, I'll give you 20 bucks
277
00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:14,746
to fill this up
with your urine.
278
00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:15,755
Thanks.
279
00:10:20,594 --> 00:10:20,806
.
280
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,774
- There.
281
00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:26,451
Another log on the fire should
keep you warm, Mary Todd.
282
00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:28,247
And while you slumber,
283
00:10:28,286 --> 00:10:31,377
I steal away
with my beloved Joshua
284
00:10:31,425 --> 00:10:34,891
for a "work weekend"
in Provincetown.
285
00:10:35,976 --> 00:10:37,561
It's important to make
the distinction--
286
00:10:37,609 --> 00:10:38,943
- I say hit the gym.
287
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:41,487
I've seen you
with your shirt off.
288
00:10:41,535 --> 00:10:43,370
[laughter]
289
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:45,549
- Mary Todd.
- [grunts]
290
00:10:46,798 --> 00:10:48,718
- She must be talking
in her sleep.
291
00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:51,186
Which she oughtn't hadn't
better be doing!
292
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,035
Where was I?
Uh...beach, top, bottom.
293
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,081
Oh, yeah.
294
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,877
And now...
295
00:10:58,915 --> 00:11:01,220
I must pack my beards.
296
00:11:01,258 --> 00:11:04,475
But which beard
shall I bring with me?
297
00:11:04,523 --> 00:11:06,069
Not this one.
298
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,535
Our carriage shall arrive
at any--
299
00:11:09,573 --> 00:11:11,330
- I'm going with you.
300
00:11:11,369 --> 00:11:12,588
We can stop and go antiquing,
301
00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:14,633
which will probably be
a lot cheaper
302
00:11:14,672 --> 00:11:16,640
because everything's new.
303
00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:20,232
- Nay, Mary Todd.
304
00:11:20,270 --> 00:11:22,027
You cannot-eth come.
305
00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:23,198
Now, back to bed.
306
00:11:23,236 --> 00:11:24,283
- Ah!
307
00:11:24,322 --> 00:11:26,626
Yeah?
And who's paying for it?
308
00:11:26,664 --> 00:11:27,999
In fact, who's paying
309
00:11:28,047 --> 00:11:30,592
for your whole
P-Town sausage party?
310
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,856
Why, it's me, Mary Todd.
311
00:11:33,895 --> 00:11:35,863
I'm paying for everything.
312
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:38,706
- Mary Todd--
- Paying.
313
00:11:38,744 --> 00:11:40,203
- It's just that--
- For.
314
00:11:40,252 --> 00:11:41,461
- Shouldn't we have--
- Everything!
315
00:11:41,499 --> 00:11:42,921
- That's it!
316
00:11:44,515 --> 00:11:45,935
I don't want your money!
317
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,222
I don't want you
to pay for my play!
318
00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:48,979
I don't want you to pay
for my damn wedding!
319
00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:52,580
To Joshua.
320
00:11:52,618 --> 00:11:55,461
[freewheeling piano music]
321
00:11:55,499 --> 00:11:56,632
♪
322
00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:58,514
- Hey! How's your dad doing?
323
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,473
- Good. Great, actually.
324
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,230
They're gonna release him
this afternoon.
325
00:12:02,268 --> 00:12:04,774
- Really? Well, maybe that's
'cause he's got my blood
326
00:12:04,822 --> 00:12:06,244
coursing through his veins.
327
00:12:06,282 --> 00:12:08,250
- Will.
- Hey, keep an eye on him.
328
00:12:08,289 --> 00:12:10,421
Side effects may include
compulsive tweezing,
329
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:12,130
overdeveloped quads...
330
00:12:13,224 --> 00:12:14,770
And the urge to take
shirtless selfies
331
00:12:14,808 --> 00:12:16,230
in front of national monuments.
332
00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:19,484
- My dad didn't use your blood.
333
00:12:19,532 --> 00:12:20,656
- What?
334
00:12:20,704 --> 00:12:22,451
- He had a problem with...
335
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,379
He didn't want
to use your blood.
336
00:12:28,558 --> 00:12:30,517
- Ah.
337
00:12:30,565 --> 00:12:32,313
Right.
338
00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:33,608
Well, I...
339
00:12:33,656 --> 00:12:35,030
am off to bed.
340
00:12:35,078 --> 00:12:36,327
- Will, I get it,
and the second
341
00:12:36,374 --> 00:12:37,287
he is feeling better,
342
00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:38,333
you need to lay into him.
343
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:39,879
He has to understand--
344
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,050
- He thinks how he thinks.
345
00:12:41,088 --> 00:12:42,807
I'm not gonna say anything.
346
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,939
- Are you kidding?
Since when are you defeatist?
347
00:12:44,977 --> 00:12:47,070
- Don't do that.
- What? Aren't you mad?
348
00:12:47,109 --> 00:12:48,741
- No, Grace.
349
00:12:50,038 --> 00:12:51,372
I'm tired.
350
00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:54,713
W-why do I have
to lead the fight?
351
00:12:54,762 --> 00:12:57,345
What, every time somebody says
something remotely antigay,
352
00:12:57,393 --> 00:12:59,064
I have to jump in?
353
00:12:59,102 --> 00:13:00,984
I've marched.
I've written the checks.
354
00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:03,116
I've made the calls.
355
00:13:03,154 --> 00:13:04,873
But every time you think
356
00:13:04,911 --> 00:13:07,628
you can exhale
and have your big gay party,
357
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,548
somebody tells you
358
00:13:09,596 --> 00:13:11,468
they won't bake your cake.
359
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:14,273
I'm not being defeatist.
360
00:13:14,311 --> 00:13:15,233
I just don't want to
361
00:13:15,271 --> 00:13:17,201
have to defend who I am
362
00:13:17,239 --> 00:13:19,160
all the time.
363
00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:20,542
I want a day off.
364
00:13:21,714 --> 00:13:24,134
Your dad's not gonna
change, Grace,
365
00:13:24,182 --> 00:13:26,938
so accept it.
366
00:13:26,976 --> 00:13:29,779
I hear that's the secret
of a happy relationship.
367
00:13:30,903 --> 00:13:33,745
[mellow piano music]
368
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:34,830
♪
369
00:13:34,878 --> 00:13:38,307
- Honey, are you
still mad at me?
370
00:13:38,345 --> 00:13:39,679
I'm not even sure
what happened.
371
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:42,560
Maybe it was my fault.
Maybe it was yours.
372
00:13:42,608 --> 00:13:44,566
Often, it's the writing.
373
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,416
Do you really not want me
to come to your wedding?
374
00:13:49,464 --> 00:13:52,133
- Interesting. That's the first
time you asked what I want.
375
00:13:52,171 --> 00:13:54,389
- Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
376
00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:55,983
It's just that
I love you so much,
377
00:13:56,022 --> 00:13:58,528
I want everything
to be perfect for you--
378
00:13:58,566 --> 00:14:00,410
your play, your wedding.
379
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,753
I guess I've always
thought of you as...
380
00:14:07,592 --> 00:14:12,105
Oh, this is...
really hard to say.
381
00:14:12,153 --> 00:14:15,868
I've always thought
of you as my...
382
00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:17,789
- Son?
383
00:14:17,837 --> 00:14:19,757
- Not exactly.
384
00:14:20,717 --> 00:14:24,145
No, more like
a little sister
385
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:25,979
who we dressed as a boy
386
00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:28,659
until she became a boy.
387
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,414
- But, Karen,
it's only a perfect wedding
388
00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:33,171
if it's my perfect.
389
00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:35,177
- Honey, I hear you.
390
00:14:35,217 --> 00:14:38,231
But it would kill me not to be
able to come to your wedding.
391
00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:40,229
- Of course you'll come.
392
00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:41,822
- Thanks, honey.
393
00:14:43,071 --> 00:14:44,665
Do you think
you two queerbaits
394
00:14:44,703 --> 00:14:46,085
could still find it
in your hearts
395
00:14:46,125 --> 00:14:48,131
to let me pay for it?
396
00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:50,934
I sure would like to be
the gal who's responsible
397
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:55,236
for giving everyone a face full
of sweet sticky cream.
398
00:14:57,368 --> 00:14:59,288
- Oh, my God, this is gonna be
the most beautiful wedding.
399
00:14:59,326 --> 00:15:01,083
- [gasps]
400
00:15:02,342 --> 00:15:04,348
- Hey, tonight wasn't
a total disaster.
401
00:15:04,386 --> 00:15:05,933
The arts critic
from "Butt" magazine
402
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,853
said he wants to give me
a plug and a spread.
403
00:15:07,902 --> 00:15:10,743
[upbeat music]
404
00:15:10,782 --> 00:15:11,742
♪
405
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:12,874
[dog barks]
406
00:15:12,914 --> 00:15:16,466
♪
407
00:15:19,971 --> 00:15:20,182
.
408
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,641
- To my William.
409
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,063
Oh, we are so grateful
410
00:15:23,111 --> 00:15:24,483
for everything you've done.
411
00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:26,414
Well, maybe not
the, uh, spicy meal
412
00:15:26,452 --> 00:15:28,037
that put Martin
in the hospital.
413
00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,292
- Salt. The spice was salt.
414
00:15:31,762 --> 00:15:35,228
- But definitely
your giving your blood to him.
415
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:37,322
You saved my husband's life.
416
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,242
- You're a hell of a guy.
- Yeah. Happy to help.
417
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,365
- Oh, my God.
- Grace.
418
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:41,325
[device pings]
- Mm!
419
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,420
I gotta take a pill.
420
00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:43,668
[device pings]
Oh!
421
00:15:43,706 --> 00:15:45,051
I gotta take two pills.
422
00:15:45,089 --> 00:15:47,182
Have I sold you kids yet
on getting old?
423
00:15:47,221 --> 00:15:48,930
'Cause it's great!
424
00:15:50,101 --> 00:15:52,694
- I'd like to give him a pill.
- Stop.
425
00:15:52,732 --> 00:15:54,787
- Why are you two
being so snippy?
426
00:15:54,826 --> 00:15:58,003
Oh, is it because I didn't
thank you in my toast, Grace?
427
00:15:58,042 --> 00:16:00,260
Because you really didn't
do that much.
428
00:16:03,314 --> 00:16:06,156
- Everything's fine, Mother.
- It's not fine.
429
00:16:06,194 --> 00:16:08,028
Your husband refused
to take Will's blood.
430
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:08,989
- Grace.
- What?
431
00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:09,997
- Because he's gay.
432
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,206
- Is that true, Will?
433
00:16:12,464 --> 00:16:13,923
Did he say that?
434
00:16:13,962 --> 00:16:15,594
- Yeah.
435
00:16:15,632 --> 00:16:18,350
- Is there an issue?
- Of course not.
436
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,405
- Well, why?
Why didn't you tell me?
437
00:16:20,443 --> 00:16:22,661
- I'm just taking a page
from your book, Mom.
438
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:25,244
Life is easier
when everything's not a fight.
439
00:16:25,292 --> 00:16:26,627
Look, it's done.
440
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:28,298
We don't have to talk about it.
441
00:16:28,346 --> 00:16:29,718
- Of course.
442
00:16:29,766 --> 00:16:31,178
[toilet flushes]
- Why is it your soaps
443
00:16:31,226 --> 00:16:33,146
never look like
they've been used?
444
00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:34,817
- You awful, awful man.
445
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,949
- It's just an observation.
446
00:16:36,987 --> 00:16:40,338
- You refused
to take my son's blood?
447
00:16:40,377 --> 00:16:42,345
- Mom, you don't have to--
- Oh, yes, I do.
448
00:16:42,383 --> 00:16:44,726
We are going to have a big,
449
00:16:44,765 --> 00:16:48,606
bold, loud, ethnic fight
right now!
450
00:16:49,777 --> 00:16:51,160
Grace, this is your area.
451
00:16:51,198 --> 00:16:53,416
What do I do next?
452
00:16:53,455 --> 00:16:54,789
- Just go for it.
453
00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:56,134
And throw in
something you'll regret.
454
00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,305
I always do.
455
00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:00,646
- You should be ashamed
of yourself!
456
00:17:00,684 --> 00:17:02,778
And you should be too, Will.
457
00:17:02,816 --> 00:17:04,487
- Me?
- Yes.
458
00:17:04,535 --> 00:17:07,291
There are some things in life
that you have to fight about.
459
00:17:07,329 --> 00:17:08,501
- You know,
everyone seems to forget,
460
00:17:08,539 --> 00:17:10,469
I just got out of the hospital.
461
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:12,764
And I had to give that nurse
a urine sample!
462
00:17:14,397 --> 00:17:15,981
And two of her friends!
463
00:17:17,901 --> 00:17:18,909
I need some air!
464
00:17:18,947 --> 00:17:20,407
- Oh, no, you come back here!
465
00:17:20,455 --> 00:17:21,953
I have more to say!
466
00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:23,172
- Oh, yes, you do.
467
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,295
- Hey, guys.
468
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:25,592
Guys.
469
00:17:26,763 --> 00:17:28,981
Thank you both.
470
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,940
But you're right.
471
00:17:30,978 --> 00:17:32,698
I need to do this part.
472
00:17:34,781 --> 00:17:37,297
- Boy, that was a rush.
473
00:17:37,335 --> 00:17:39,678
Must be what an Italian
feels like.
474
00:17:44,566 --> 00:17:46,985
- Wonderful. Time for another
lesson for the old man.
475
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,329
I don't want to hear it.
476
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,749
- Yeah, well,
I don't want to say it.
477
00:17:50,787 --> 00:17:51,709
- Look, I was in the hospital.
478
00:17:51,747 --> 00:17:53,630
I wasn't comfortable.
479
00:17:53,678 --> 00:17:55,425
It was nothing personal.
480
00:17:55,473 --> 00:17:57,729
- It's the most personal thing
in the world!
481
00:17:57,767 --> 00:17:59,650
I was trying
to help you, Martin.
482
00:17:59,688 --> 00:18:02,281
But I guess 'cause I'm gay,
I'm not, what, clean?
483
00:18:02,329 --> 00:18:04,124
- Come on.
You're freakishly clean.
484
00:18:04,163 --> 00:18:07,427
Is there anything in your house
that hasn't been washed twice?
485
00:18:07,466 --> 00:18:08,849
- Well, your daughter,
486
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,970
but that's
a different conversation.
487
00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:13,775
- Come on.
488
00:18:13,813 --> 00:18:15,493
A blood transfusion
from a gay man?
489
00:18:15,532 --> 00:18:16,578
I thought there were rules.
490
00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:17,999
- Oh, there are.
491
00:18:18,038 --> 00:18:20,544
In order to donate my blood,
I had to lie on the form
492
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:22,512
and say that I've been
celibate for a year,
493
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:24,682
even though I've been
in a committed
494
00:18:24,721 --> 00:18:27,438
monogamous relationship
and HIV-negative.
495
00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:30,279
- You lied on the form?
So I was right.
496
00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:32,075
- No, you're not,
because the law
497
00:18:32,123 --> 00:18:34,380
is based on fear,
not science.
498
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:36,886
Trust me, nobody spends
more of their lives
499
00:18:36,924 --> 00:18:38,931
thinking about being safe
than gay men.
500
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,485
We get tested and retested.
501
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:43,406
On a first date,
we swap medical histories
502
00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,489
the way straight people
swap pictures of themselves
503
00:18:45,538 --> 00:18:47,832
at the same
Ed Sheeran concert.
504
00:18:49,339 --> 00:18:51,346
And even when we have
nine kinds of proof,
505
00:18:51,384 --> 00:18:53,228
we're still told
we're tainted.
506
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:56,109
And to hear that from someone
that I care about,
507
00:18:56,147 --> 00:18:57,232
well, that's a punch
in the gut.
508
00:18:57,281 --> 00:18:59,950
- I am not a bad person.
- I know.
509
00:18:59,998 --> 00:19:03,339
You made a misguided choice
based on bad information.
510
00:19:03,378 --> 00:19:05,422
You're every woman
that gets bangs.
511
00:19:09,484 --> 00:19:11,356
- I guess the good news is that
512
00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:14,247
all the old, ignorant farts
of the world will be gone soon.
513
00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:17,377
- Not good enough.
You're here now, Martin.
514
00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:19,970
You gotta keep growing.
515
00:19:20,008 --> 00:19:21,890
And I gotta keep fighting.
516
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,225
Nobody gets a day off.
517
00:19:23,273 --> 00:19:25,155
- Sounds exhausting.
518
00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:29,456
I'm sorry, Will.
519
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:33,047
I love you, you know that.
520
00:19:33,095 --> 00:19:34,593
- I do.
521
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:35,765
I love you too.
522
00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:37,435
- I promise to take your blood
523
00:19:37,474 --> 00:19:39,404
next time you try
to kill me with spicy food.
524
00:19:39,442 --> 00:19:42,245
- It was plain meat
boiled for eight hours!
525
00:19:42,284 --> 00:19:43,993
You ever think maybe it was
that hot dog you ate?
526
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:46,759
- Nah. I've had three of those
every day for 30 years.
527
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:50,311
- You did great, Marilyn.
528
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,934
- Thank you.
529
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,575
And you can call me Mom.
530
00:19:54,613 --> 00:19:55,948
- Really?
531
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,368
- Yeah, but just
when we're alone.
532
00:19:57,407 --> 00:19:58,627
- Oh.
533
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:04,350
- And, uh, will you try
to read my mood first?
37016
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