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1
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,049
[wind blowing]
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,885
[birds singing and chirping]
3
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,811
["Winter" from The Four Seasons
by Vivaldi playing]
4
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,710
["Winter" from The Four Seasons
by Vivaldi continues]
5
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:59,601
[cab driver speaking Italian]
6
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:02,062
- [Anne in English] What's that?
- [cab driver speaking Italian]
7
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,981
[Kate in English] I think he's saying
we have to walk the rest of the way.
8
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,567
[Anne] Oh, okay.
Sounds so nice when he says it.
9
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,737
Why does English sound like
throwing silverware in a drawer?
10
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,910
- Amici, buongiorno!
- [Anne and Kate exclaiming]
11
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,287
You look so happy!
12
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:22,874
I am. I'm with Danny and my family
at the same time, I'm delirious. Let's go.
13
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,085
Everybody's waiting to meet you.
Come, come, come!
14
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:29,464
Great, because I practiced
a traditional Italian greeting, so…
15
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:37,430
[in Italian] I am horny to be here!
Thank you for eating us!
16
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,765
[woman snickers]
17
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,646
[in English] Uh…
So, uh, this is my mother, Gloria.
18
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,481
- My sister, Marlena.
- Hi.
19
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,734
- My nieces, Paola and Mara, over there.
- Hey.
20
00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:53,029
Paola's son, Valerio, is under the table.
21
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,950
My cousin, Enzo, his wife, Anna.
Those are their kids.
22
00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,870
That's my nephew, Fabio.
And that's Zia Giulia.
23
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,500
[in Italian] He is like a little boy
pretending to be a man.
24
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,086
[in English] It's a traditional greeting?
25
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,756
- Welcome to Italy! Hi!
- [all exclaiming]
26
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,218
- Mwah! Mwah!
- Mwah. Oh!
27
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:18,763
They do two here.
[chuckles] Hi, Lady Disdain.
28
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,014
Hi.
29
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,475
- Hi. Hey.
- Hi. Mwah, mwah.
30
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,769
[laughs] Good to see you.
31
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:28,189
Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit. Come on, relax.
It's so good to see you.
32
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,149
[in Italian] Let's go!
33
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,692
- [in English] Well…
- Come on.
34
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,903
Thank you for letting us come, huh?
35
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,239
Especially after the last time
we saw each other.
36
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,699
Um…
37
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:42,537
I feel like I should address
the 900-pound turkey in the room.
38
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,955
- Not necessary.
- No, please don't.
39
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,749
Jack, it's fine. I've already forgotten
the squelch it made.
40
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,627
Okay, well, you're all getting
apology presents anyway, all right?
41
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,629
Whatever you want. Money is no object.
42
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,549
- Jack?
- I'm being told that money is an object.
43
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,092
Let's keep it under 50 bucks.
44
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,052
Okay, basta. Let's have a toast.
45
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,805
[in Italian] What are you doing?
Not the cheap stuff!
46
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,682
These are my friends, not swine!
47
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:03,933
Don't disrespect your uncle!
48
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,560
[in English] Claude is bossy in Italy.
49
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:06,936
- [Claude sighs]
- [laughs]
50
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,398
In Italy, we say,
"Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro."
51
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,942
"Who finds a friend, finds a treasure."
52
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,779
Danny and I
have found our treasure with you.
53
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,489
Thank you for coming.
54
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,909
[speaking in Italian]
55
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,786
[all cheer] Saluté!
56
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,415
[in English] I think
I'm sexually attracted to Italian Claude.
57
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:30,501
["Winter" from The Four Seasons
by Vivaldi playing]
58
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:40,595
[groans] I am so tired. Maybe we could
just lay down for like ten minutes.
59
00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:43,806
No, no, no. We have to fight
through the jet lag and acclimate.
60
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,643
Otherwise, we'll spend
the whole time taking breakfast naps.
61
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,353
[sighs]
62
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:53,066
You know, I don't think you have
to keep apologizing for Thanksgiving.
63
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,235
They're your friends,
and everyone loves you.
64
00:03:55,318 --> 00:04:00,323
Yeah, like you love your deranged uncle
who lives in an institution.
65
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,367
No one thinks you're crazy.
66
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,910
Sure.
67
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,747
So, uh, how was it seeing Danny?
68
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,083
- It was fine.
- Really?
69
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:14,504
'Cause you did that fake high-pitched "hi"
that you usually reserve for my family.
70
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,382
- "Hi, I'm tolerating you."
- What am I supposed to say?
71
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,759
He's a grown man.
He can live wherever he wants.
72
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,971
Yeah, and you can feel
as heartbroken as you want.
73
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,931
Oh my God, heartbroken?
74
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,768
He's my friend.
He's not like my husband who went to war.
75
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,020
Sidebar, nicest thing
you've said to me in a month.
76
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,524
Yeah, look, I just thought that
part of why you wanted to come--
77
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,110
I wanted to come
because Anne begged us all to come.
78
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,737
And now I want to enjoy it with you.
79
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:43,574
I'm not here to rekindle
my relationship with Danny.
80
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,202
Okay, got it. Sounds good.
81
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,790
All right, well, maybe I will just
rest my eyes while you finish--
82
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:51,749
No! Wake up!
83
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,792
I'm up!
84
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,669
[inhales, exhales]
85
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:59,090
[family chattering in Italian]
86
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,431
[in English] Isn't this place amazing?
87
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:12,353
Did you know that the exterior iron work
was made by 15th-century monks?
88
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,479
Wow.
89
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,190
Did you know that
the exterior aluminum work on my house
90
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,318
was done by Siding by Randy?
91
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,447
- [glass clinking]
- Everyone, we have a special treat.
92
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,200
Tonight, we are all going
to the Nativity pageant at the church
93
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,952
that Marlena and the girls organized.
94
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,039
Oh! That's so lovely!
95
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:35,335
[speaking Italian]
96
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,003
[in English] What's he saying?
97
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:42,759
Uh, he's just excited because
he thinks that you look like… La Befana.
98
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,802
Oh, who is that?
99
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,138
- [scoffs] Oh.
- Um…
100
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:51,768
La Befana is, um,
an Italian version of Santa Claus.
101
00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,021
She's a very, very beloved figure.
102
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,358
- A magical figure, yeah.
- [Danny] Mm-hm.
103
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:02,111
And, uh, she's kind of
a mistress of winter.
104
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,699
Oh! I see. Like Elsa or Mariah Carey.
105
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,076
[Claude] Uh…
106
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,911
[speaking Italian]
107
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:13,498
[in English with Italian accent]
And you must all feel so happy
108
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,834
to finally have Claude back home
after all these years.
109
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:21,172
- Why are you talking like that?
- Famiglia is so… What's the word?
110
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:24,384
- Important.
- Does your accent make you forget English?
111
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,887
I'm an empath, so I take on the speech
patterns of the people around me.
112
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:33,559
We are so, so happy because, you know,
Claude is like a father to my girls.
113
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,562
Well, I had to be because
of the biological father, Vincenzo.
114
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,774
- Oh.
- [family cursing in Italian]
115
00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:44,862
[in English] This is why I have to be
on my best behavior here.
116
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,948
These women will rip you to shreds.
117
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,157
I would never do that.
118
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,118
[Danny] Well, that's because
you're my girl.
119
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,036
Seems like you're doing great here.
120
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,831
Aw, thanks, Kate.
121
00:06:55,581 --> 00:07:00,711
Oh! So you are Kate!
You are the one in love with Danny!
122
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:05,049
Ooh, uh, but I think something's gotten
lost in translation. I--
123
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,717
No, I am not in love with Danny.
124
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,594
Ah, okay.
125
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,804
This is my husband.
126
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,057
Okay, okay, if everyone is finished now,
127
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,518
I want to take you all
to the Christmas market.
128
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,853
[cheering]
129
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,605
I can't wait to buy something
that'll shatter in my carry-on.
130
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,815
[laughs]
131
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,235
You know, I think
I'm gonna skip the Christmas market.
132
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,611
I'm going to take a nap.
133
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,155
Thought we had to acclimate.
134
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,323
Yeah, well, I'm just,
you know, really wiped.
135
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,950
Maybe I'm getting old.
136
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,494
- Ah…
- Okay.
137
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,662
All right, but we go.
138
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:37,748
[Italian holiday music playing]
139
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,750
[indistinct chatter]
140
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,133
"Really wiped out." She acts like
she flew you all here on her back.
141
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,678
- Well, I just think she's a little--
- Mad at me? I know what she's a little.
142
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:54,015
Look, by the laws of marriage,
I'm not allowed to engage in this tone.
143
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,099
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
144
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,100
Yeah.
145
00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,271
Guys, look, a lot of great options here
for an "I'm sorry" present.
146
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,356
Seriously, just tell me what you want.
147
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,776
Jack, you don't have to buy--
Oh, can I get a big cookie?
148
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,236
Yes, you may.
149
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,490
Oh! Are those from your vineyard?
Could I get two bottles?
150
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,367
Oh, are those hats?
151
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,285
Annie.
152
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,958
What do you say, Claude?
An elegant goblet for an elegant man?
153
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,461
Please, Jack, stop. This is too much.
154
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:24,879
Look, if you don't pick something,
155
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,715
I'm just gonna buy you
this tacky baby Jesus
156
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,217
in a hot air balloon.
157
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,676
I hand make.
158
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:36,057
Uh, scusi. It's bellissima. Bellissima.
159
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,852
- [Danny laughs]
- I want to find something for Gino.
160
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,604
How are you doing without them?
161
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,897
Uh, you know, at first,
162
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,525
I was a little "eek"
about being alone for the holidays.
163
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:49,070
But, you know, honestly, it's been nice.
164
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,363
My time is my own.
165
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:54,492
I can go to bed as early as I want.
I can sleep as late as I want.
166
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,203
- But you're awake sometimes, right?
- [chuckles]
167
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,663
In a way, it's easier.
168
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:02,041
I can make one pot of coffee
and sip on it for the whole week
169
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,252
because no one else is there to drink it.
170
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:05,836
I can just
171
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:10,383
take some and nuke it and sip on it.
172
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,262
What are these?
I keep seeing them everywhere.
173
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,847
Oh, uh, Anne, actually,
174
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,016
that is La Befana.
175
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,935
La Befana?
176
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,563
The one the child said was me?
177
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,314
Yeah.
178
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,025
[Anne] But she's a witch.
179
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,778
Well, a Christmas witch.
180
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,614
- Everyone loves her.
- [whispering] What am I gonna say?
181
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:37,910
I thought she was going to be like
a blonde lady with a crown of icicles.
182
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:42,748
Guys, I'm so sorry. Marlena and the kids.
They need help setting up the pageant.
183
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,709
Okay, well, uh, you guys go do that,
184
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,086
and I will make sure
Kate gets to the church.
185
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,713
Yeah.
186
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,755
Okay.
187
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:51,674
Hey.
188
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,217
I don't see it.
189
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,347
Thank you.
190
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,141
["Gloria in D Major" by Vivaldi playing]
191
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,018
[Jack] All right. [exhales heavily]
192
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:04,145
[Jack and Claude breathing heavily]
193
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,271
Careful.
194
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,357
[Jack and Claude grunt]
195
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,653
Hey, Anne? Quick question:
do you think you're helping?
196
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,949
Sorry. The story of La Befana is insane.
197
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,952
It says here, she turned down a chance
198
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:23,372
to go with the three wise men
to see the baby Jesus
199
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:28,461
because she wanted
to stay home and catch up on housework.
200
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,505
She lived to regret that decision
and vowed to spend the rest of her days
201
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,799
handing out candy to children,
hoping to one day meet
202
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,676
the Christ child she had missed.
203
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,511
Oh!
204
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,306
What a loser.
205
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,725
I am nothing like her.
206
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:46,854
Right?
207
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:52,360
Yeah, I mean, you're the one
who keeps bringing it up. Yeah.
208
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,570
[Claude] Jack, help me
carry these two lambs.
209
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,239
[lilting music playing]
210
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,711
- [Claude] Okay.
- [Jack groans]
211
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,254
I think this is everything.
212
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,131
Well, not quite.
213
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,551
I got a little something for you.
214
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,263
[cursing in Italian]
215
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,808
[in English] Is that
"Thank you for my new goblet"?
216
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,894
No, I told you I didn't want this.
217
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,230
We don't care about the turkey.
218
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,608
You got mad. So what? Everybody gets mad.
219
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,319
[in Italian] Get off your lazy ass
and come help us!
220
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,822
Fuck you! My knee's being weird!
221
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,491
[in English] See?
Everybody's mad, nobody gets goblets.
222
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:42,284
Yeah, but I'm not an angry guy.
223
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,663
We know. We know that. It's over, okay?
224
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,498
- Okay. I--
- Let it go. Let it go.
225
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,625
Okay, I'm just really in my head about it.
226
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,336
And I don't mean to apologize so much.
I'm sorry.
227
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,254
Okay.
228
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,797
- Sorry.
- Okay.
229
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,924
- Oh!
- [man shouts in Italian]
230
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,259
[Claude in English] Guys.
231
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,011
[men chattering in Italian]
232
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,598
[in Italian]
Do you have room for two more?
233
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:07,518
["Presto" from Concerto alla Rustica
by Vivaldi playing]
234
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:08,477
[yells]
235
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,480
[chattering in Italian]
236
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,907
[cheering]
237
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:24,702
[Jack laughs]
238
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,329
[cheering]
239
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,753
[music fades]
240
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,385
[whispers] Kate. Kate.
241
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:43,596
Katherine.
242
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:45,639
[yells] Kathy!
243
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:49,435
[gasps] What? I'm up! [groaning]
244
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,438
Wait. How long was I asleep?
245
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,273
Is it Christmas?
246
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,650
Get up.
We have to meet everyone at the church.
247
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,194
But prepare yourself.
248
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,029
We're going in style.
249
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,033
[gentle classical music playing]
250
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,496
This is a little over the top.
251
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:11,040
Over the top? I was trying to be nice.
252
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,210
Look, I even paid extra
for the driver's festive folklore getup.
253
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,213
Sorry. It's very nice.
254
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,758
Hey, I know you don't love this move.
255
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,511
But trust me, things won't change.
256
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:25,554
Great.
257
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,765
Can you please not say "great"
258
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,392
like I just bought you
an adult coloring book for your birthday?
259
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,937
But listen, okay, honestly,
260
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,147
I bet we see each other
as much as we did in New York.
261
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,066
Okay, more, probably. Okay?
262
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,987
What? What is that face?
Use your words, Katherine.
263
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,281
[whispering] Why are we
going down an alley?
264
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,700
Wait, this is wrong. Uh--
265
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,328
Scusi! Scusi!
266
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,914
- [gasps]
- [in English] Give me cash and phones.
267
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:52,873
Oh!
268
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,124
- Okay.
- Okay, um…
269
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,334
Just… cool.
270
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:57,753
Just be cool, be cool.
Hey, look. Cool, be cool.
271
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,046
- Also jewelry.
- [Danny] Really?
272
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,506
- Jewelry.
- But this is…
273
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,925
Oh, no, no. Just man. Yours cheap.
274
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:06,095
Ha! [laughs]
275
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:14,645
Ah, thank you, man. I feel so much better.
I mean, this is what Nick used to do.
276
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:17,690
He'd make me go do something physical
and get it all out.
277
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,108
Oh, that was so fun.
278
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,902
Fun for who? You were a monster out there.
279
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,362
What?
280
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,866
- [dramatic music playing]
- [grunting]
281
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,200
Dude, what the fuck?
282
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202
[grunts]
283
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,288
[grunting]
284
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,915
How do you say "fuckface" in Italian?
285
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:39,545
[yelling]
286
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:44,133
Well, I thought it was a competitive game.
287
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,803
No, it was a get-together
for nice dads in the neighborhood.
288
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,722
That was very bad.
289
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,350
- [ornament shatters]
- Oh, honey!
290
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,643
- I'll get that.
- Sure?
291
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,395
- I'll get it.
- Okay.
292
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,481
[speaking Italian]
293
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,412
- [in English] What?
- [Paola] Uh…
294
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,415
Father Giuseppe,
295
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,209
he has just learned that the woman
296
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:24,048
who played La Befana
in our pageant for the last 40 years
297
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,591
has taken ill.
298
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,801
So we were just wondering if you--
299
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,637
- No!
- No?
300
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,680
Why do people keep bringing her up to me?
301
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,849
- I am nothing like her.
- [speaking Italian]
302
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,145
[in English] She is a depressing shut-in,
and I am a confident, independent woman
303
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:41,106
who chooses not to leave
the house that much.
304
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:42,942
Yeah.
305
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:47,696
Thank you, though. It is a "no,"
but I appreciate the opportunity.
306
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,407
- Grazie.- Grazie.
307
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,870
[in English] Are we sure
this is the right way?
308
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,123
No, Katherine, it's the wrong way.
I'm just trying to get my steps in.
309
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,292
Okay.
310
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,212
Ah. [breathing heavily]
311
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,964
Oh, thank God.
312
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:09,635
Okay. Uh, so, uh, the thing is, um…
313
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,973
This is the wrong church.
I was thinking of a different church.
314
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,850
But the good news is,
315
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,520
is that we're high enough up now
316
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,439
that we can find
the correct church from up here.
317
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,233
And…
318
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,193
There it is!
319
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,611
Ha! Look!
320
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,488
[Danny chuckles] Yay!
321
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,326
Perfect.
322
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,788
So are we gonna zip line down?
323
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,957
Helpful attitude, but no.
324
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,333
How are we supposed to get to it?
325
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,168
As soon as we go back,
we'll be lost again.
326
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:48,507
I can point my arm
like this towards the church
327
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,843
and adjust as needed as we walk.
328
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,220
We'll be fine. Human compass. Look.
329
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,348
You know, my phone had a compass,
330
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:59,893
but at least now the robber will have
pictures of all of Jack's rashes.
331
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:03,313
Okay, can you not be a Scrooge?
332
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,900
- I mean, we're in Italy! Look at the view!
- [groans]
333
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,570
Can you just try to enjoy yourself?
334
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,697
Can you stop selling me?
335
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,950
Ever since we got here,
you're like, "Look at the town,
336
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,494
look at the iron work,
look what the monks did."
337
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,621
You know what?
Adding that unpleasant nasal quality
338
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,915
to your impression of me is really cunty.
339
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,710
You could be thankful
that I'm giving you the excuse
340
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,670
to have a European vacation every summer.
341
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,965
My brother in Christ,
I am not coming back in the summer.
342
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,887
I cannot fly back and forth to Italy
like a fucking olive oil mogul, okay?
343
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,724
And you can lie to yourself all you want,
but everything is gonna change.
344
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:42,686
And that's fine. You know,
I will survive, but that is the truth.
345
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,815
[poignant music playing]
346
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,198
[sighs]
347
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,202
Does your compass have a setting
for toilet? Because I have to pee.
348
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:04,416
I don't know what's going on with me.
I'm kicking turkeys.
349
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,960
I gave that guy a titty twister.
350
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,337
He's the mayor.
351
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:09,922
[sighs]
352
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:13,008
- [rock music playing over speakers]
- [indistinct chatter]
353
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:17,387
I'm the one who smashed up
that snack shack at that funky hotel.
354
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:22,976
Okay, Jack. I hate to tell you this,
but you are an angry guy.
355
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,436
[scoffs] No, I'm not.
356
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,689
The reason I know this
is because I'm an angry guy too.
357
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,693
I was always trying to be
this happy husband who never disagreed.
358
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,612
And I'd be nice and nice and nice
359
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,490
until I'd snap and throw all of
Danny's clothes out the window.
360
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,242
Yeah, that was really bad.
361
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,786
Like the same or worse
than all the stuff I did.
362
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:44,289
Because I never wanted to be mad.
363
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,251
But you can't deal with it
if you can say it.
364
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,258
I am mad.
365
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:55,926
Yeah.
366
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,848
I'm mad about Nick. I was mad at Kate.
367
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,475
Now I'm mad at myself
for pushing her away.
368
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,352
[inhales deeply, exhales]
369
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,855
You see? Was that so hard?
370
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,690
- [Claude snaps]
- Oh!
371
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,608
I'm getting us shots.
372
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,903
The pageant is three hours long.
373
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,240
You're different here.
374
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,242
No, I'm different in America.
375
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,578
Here, I feel like myself again.
376
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:23,954
[both chuckle]
377
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,165
I'd like to feel like myself again.
378
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:28,542
You will.
379
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:34,423
Sorry, everything in Italy
closes early on Sundays.
380
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:38,051
Yeah, well, my bladder
has an American work ethic.
381
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,179
Wait! That's a public toilet.
382
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,014
[gasps] Oh, thank God!
383
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,353
[Kate groans]
384
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,272
[groans] Oh, no!
385
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:54,026
Now my body's doing that thing
that it knows we're near a bathroom.
386
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,527
Why does it do that?
387
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,987
[Danny] Okay, wait, okay.
388
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,158
Okay, I can boost you up,
and you can climb through this window.
389
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,993
All right, all right. Okay, come on.
390
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,954
Just don't, like, make some grunt
that I'll hear for the rest of my life.
391
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,290
I won't. Come on.
392
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,751
- [grunts]
- Oh, Danny!
393
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,461
- Sweet Jesus.
- [screams]
394
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,754
Oh my God!
395
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,422
Why are you going in head first?
396
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,424
Katherine! Kick over!
397
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,843
Oh, God! I'm scared! And now I'm peeing!
398
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,888
- No, Katherine, no! [laughs]
- It's going down my butt crack!
399
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,932
[Kate] It's on my back.
400
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:28,018
- [both laughing]
- [poignant classical music playing]
401
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:36,652
Wait, are you crying?
402
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,863
I shouldn't have moved here.
403
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,949
[Danny sighs]
404
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,999
- Hey.
- [Claude gasps]
405
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,126
I am La Befana.
406
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,419
[Claude] Mm.
407
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,838
Maybe we left her alone
for a little too long.
408
00:20:56,922 --> 00:21:00,634
She had a chance to leave her house,
and she didn't take it, and neither did I.
409
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,678
Um…
410
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,346
What are you talking about?
411
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,934
Nick cheated on me. Years ago.
Way before Ginny.
412
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,270
And I almost left him and I chickened out.
413
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:15,649
[sighs] If I had left at 47,
I could have built a whole new life.
414
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,652
Now it's too late.
415
00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:21,446
Now I'm a weird old witch.
416
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,448
Annie, no, you're not.
417
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:24,825
But…
418
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,410
If you're really worried,
419
00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:29,329
maybe stop buying necklaces
from the museum gift shops.
420
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,706
Claude, come on.
421
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,749
- [footsteps approaching, door opens]
- Okay.
422
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:36,086
[groans] This fucking guy again.
423
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,762
- Ugh.
- [laughs]
424
00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:48,598
- [sighs]
- I thought you loved it here.
425
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:49,599
[scoffs]
426
00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:53,937
I was trying to sell you on Italy
because I was also trying to sell myself.
427
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:59,026
I mean, it's beautiful,
and Claude is so happy,
428
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:03,613
but it's also weird, you know? Like,
some of the police cars are Lamborghinis.
429
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,866
[sighs]
430
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:11,413
Of course things will change, you know?
We won't have moments like this.
431
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,665
[sniffles] Insane, unplanned moments
432
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,044
where we both laugh so hard
we make each other pee.
433
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,004
- We both peed?
- No, I was being polite.
434
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,922
- I'm not a gross animal.
- [laughs]
435
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:22,591
[sighs]
436
00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:25,886
I shouldn't have moved here.
437
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,847
[sobs softly]
438
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:31,141
I'm gonna miss you so much.
439
00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:33,685
I know.
440
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:36,938
I am
441
00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:38,940
heartbroken.
442
00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:43,070
You know, when Claude's sister
said that I was in love with you--
443
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:46,114
- I know you hated when she said that.
- I really hated that.
444
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,824
Yeah. [sighs]
445
00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:53,080
I wouldn't blame you for being in love
with me. I mean, I am insanely lovable.
446
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:56,041
I am not in love with you, Danny.
447
00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,711
But I do love you.
448
00:23:03,965 --> 00:23:05,008
Because…
449
00:23:08,136 --> 00:23:14,601
in every other part of my life,
I'm a mother and a wife and a scary boss.
450
00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:15,727
Mm.
451
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:22,067
[sniffles]
452
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,070
But when I'm with you,
453
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:30,158
you make me feel like
the 19-year-old that I was when we met.
454
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,538
And I feel so far from her.
455
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:38,417
And you will always have that piece of me.
456
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:39,501
[sniffles]
457
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,003
[both sigh]
458
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,797
I know you better than anyone.
459
00:23:44,297 --> 00:23:45,507
And you know me.
460
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:49,386
That's right.
461
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:54,099
That's how I know
that you are gonna be fine here.
462
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:55,976
- Yeah.
- Okay? You're gonna be fine.
463
00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:00,647
And don't worry about you and me, okay?
464
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:02,482
Even if we see each other
465
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:06,111
once every other year,
which will suck balls,
466
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:11,992
it will always feel like this,
and we will always be us.
467
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,077
[tender music playing]
468
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,872
I love you too, Katherine.
469
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,167
Man, you smell like pee.
470
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:22,919
[both laugh]
471
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,672
[choir singing
"White Christmas" in Italian]
472
00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:50,363
[door opens]
473
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:53,158
[door slams]
474
00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,248
[in Italian] Look at her. They did it.
475
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:02,834
[scoffs]
476
00:25:12,552 --> 00:25:13,720
- [in English] Good?
- It's fine.
477
00:25:13,803 --> 00:25:14,763
Hey.
478
00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:18,266
I called you a bunch of times,
but you didn't answer. Is everything okay?
479
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:23,522
Yeah, I was, uh,
rekindling my relationship with Danny.
480
00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,774
I figured.
481
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,526
- Come.
- I missed you, though.
482
00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,818
I missed you too.
483
00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:56,638
[in Italian] Thank you, children!
That was wonderful.
484
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:59,933
And now, the moment
you have all been waiting for…
485
00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:00,976
La Befana!
486
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,688
- Buonasera, bambini!
- [lilting music playing]
487
00:26:05,605 --> 00:26:08,733
This is the last appearance for La Befana.
488
00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,193
So get a real good look, kids,
489
00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:13,947
because this bitch and all her regrets
are out of my life after tonight.
490
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:16,908
Merry Christmas, everybody!
491
00:26:16,992 --> 00:26:18,994
[music fades]
492
00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:27,586
What was that for?
493
00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,254
I'm just happy.
494
00:26:29,337 --> 00:26:30,547
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.
495
00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:32,591
I'm happy too.
496
00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:36,136
[sighs] I had a great talk with Kate.
497
00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:37,762
- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hm.
498
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,016
Has she finally come around
on you living here? [chuckles]
499
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:43,727
Yeah, and honestly, she's helped me
come around on living here.
500
00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:48,607
What? How around did you have to come?
501
00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:53,570
No, no, I was just talking to her about,
you know, how different things were here,
502
00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:56,781
you know, like Lamborghini police cars.
503
00:26:56,865 --> 00:27:00,201
It's why our crime rates are so low.
They get to the scene so fast.
504
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:04,914
Oh. All I'm saying is that
sometimes I feel like an outsider here.
505
00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:09,252
Oh, I see. It's like how I felt
when I did that for you for 16 years.
506
00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:11,546
Well, yeah, but that was New York.
507
00:27:12,797 --> 00:27:14,382
I'm not trying to start a fight with you.
508
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,301
It doesn't really matter.
509
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:18,303
It does matter, actually!
510
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:20,889
I gave you an out at Thanksgiving,
and you didn't take it.
511
00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:24,184
- What? I'm staying.
- Danny, if you change your mind.
512
00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:26,144
I'm saying I'm staying.
I'm not going anywhere.
513
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:28,521
I don't want to go back to America, okay!
514
00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,774
- [cell phone vibrates]
- Ah-- [scoffs]
515
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:37,822
It's your mom.
516
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:40,200
[exhales sharply]
517
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:42,994
Mom.
518
00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:46,665
What's the matter?
519
00:27:47,457 --> 00:27:50,460
["Summer" from The Four Seasons
by Vivaldi playing]
520
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:09,456
[music fades]
39588
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