Original subtitles

Right, Morty.

Chili was too spicy.

A state sale is open!

And your post-it's out first come, first served. If you see a post-it, the item

has already been...

We just get to take anything we want. Morty, they're dead. You want to be

buried with your porn magazine?

Magazines? What the magazines, old man? Fuck you, Morty. Go practice your

pronoun.

Whoa! An in-ground two-post vehicle lift?

You could park a motorcycle on this bad boy and rotate it any which way.

Oh, God!

There aren't any Smiths left to hold a funeral. Wait, funeral hop? Oh, shit.

You gotta try it, dude.

Some version of your mom, your dad bawling their eyes out and seeing the

nicest shit you've ever heard. But can't happen when the whole family checks out

at the same time.

Your Rick brings you to your own funeral? Nah, dog.

I drive myself.

You don't got a Portal Junior?

Shit, bunch of us have one.

Let's see.

I bet.

I'll have to post it on that bad boy before someone else does. Thanks.

And, uh, cool sunglasses.

Sunglasses? These are my eyes.

Um, Rick, you ever gone to your own funeral?

Is that new slang for taking a dump? What? No.

Well, I'm gonna start using it. Look, I'm already at the estate sale with a

funeral hopper and... You can do better than getting emotional handjobs from a

fake family. My real family is dead.

Wow, what a ding. So is mine. The only thing that helps ease the horror of

existence is friction-free rotation.

Did you buy a motorcycle to justify the platform?

Morty, it turned.

Come on, man. I'm asking for guidance.

Do whatever you want. It's your funeral.

What? Let me grieve. You've been drunk all week. Maybe if you had been sober,

you wouldn't have microwaved him. His big legs were wet.

I should have guessed.

Well, I guess this is going to be hard.

But Mort loved to do hard things, so we're going to do this for him.

How many of you here loved my son?

I asked, how many of you here loved my son?

Maybe you loved him because he was a leader, a scholar, an athlete.

I loved him because he was mine.

Because he was my son!

We love you, Mark!

Mark! Mark! Mark! When I die, I will kill God for taking my boy!

I don't approve of your promise, but I understand.

Who will be there for me now that you're gone?

Chesterfield?

Mort?

Oh, no.

You guys have never seen another Morty before.

Does that make sense?

Shortest version is infinite means, infinite use.

You want a grilled cheese?

I want to make it for him.

A new thing?

It's how I got here.

Rick made it for me. Not my Rick.

It's a lot of canon.

Where is Rick?

I'm sorry to tell you this, but, um, our Rick...

Is it drunk, Morty?

Oh, no.

We had to end our relationship with him. We tried everything to help, but

ultimately he needed to help himself.

And he, like, listened?

This universe is wild. Just the way you like it.

Mmm, wow, so good.

Don't suppose there's any tomato soup. Holy shit, you guys are something else.

You should have met our Mort.

Summer, he's not ours to keep.

I understand Mort. I mean, Morty.

Come back to us, kiddo. Whenever you want, you come back.

Summer, stop live streaming.

Where have you been? I've needed you to hand me wrenches and stuff.

Check this out.

Wow, great.

You have too much metal in you, dipshit.

I didn't put it there.

So?

Whoa. Hey. He came back.

Oh, jeez.

Good boy.

That's a job for you.

My dog enslaved me, but not this one.

So I'm hanging out on the side of the ship in space, holding the guitar that

Rick wanted, but my eyes...

and I couldn't see for, like, an hour.

Morty, you could have been killed.

Oh, yeah, I was.

You died?

You die and come back?

The worst part is waking up in the tube where the fresh body is, because you

have to cough all that fluid out of your lungs.

You're saying where you come from, your grandfather lets you die over and over

again. What does your father say about this?

Who's a madman?

I'm a madman.

Too bad my big lathe is up at the cabin.

Built it with my dad.

Then Mort helped me put up the sleeping porch just last summer. Wish we could

take you there this weekend, but the gals are going to be at the soup kitchen

and... I mean, we could head up there, just the two of us. Really? You want to

do that?

have any matches?

A man who relies on matches gets pretty cold when he runs out.

You feel like a steak?

Wait till the pan releases the meat.

I feel like I've never learned anything until now.

And Mort, he's climbing so fast.

When he loses his footing, he's just silent as he falls.

Until the crack of his body hitting stone.

Mort was so strong.

But I wasn't strong enough to save him. I'm so sorry.

I know you're not my Mort.

Not really.

But I love you just the same.

I love you, Dad.

I want to be your son.

I am your son.

Then break the gun.

What? This isn't one of your adventures.

It can be your life.

But what if I need to... What could you need that isn't here? A family that

doesn't appreciate you? A resurrection machine that makes infinite grandpas you

need to turn into a fucking giraffe?

Do it.

Hey!

Oh, my God!

Yes! I love you!

I tried to make my son strong.

So strong he would never die!

to run away.

Thank you, Mort.

and we're left with a radical non-duality.

The universe is not locally real, which means nothing matters.

Or... Everything does!

World universe, let's go!

I fucking knew it. The central finite curve, portal travel, all of it. Of

course there's infinite Mortys, because there's infinite worlds, Morty, and

infinite me's. Am I cool in most worlds?

Mr. Rosenthal.

Sorry I frightened you.

I am from Russia.

Who is hunting you?

Jerry. I don't know. Maybe all of them. I just want to go home. I thought there

was a better version of my family for me, but I was wrong.

Do you think you can make this?

Oh, Morty, I would love to help you, but that thing almost destroyed me.

Salieri to infinite Mozart.

Do you guys not have Mozart?

Oh, Morty, we got to watch Amadeus.

Shit, I'm late. I gotta do a thing. Do you want to come with me?

Hey. Hey, everybody.

My name's Rick. I'm an alcoholic.

I know this is an old story to a lot of you, but most of us have destroyed our

memories with alcohol, so it'll be like new.

Back before, I had a wife. I had a family. My daughter, Beth.

She was a terror, but she was my heart.

My whole heart.

I'd always like to get wrecked every now and again, but Diane kept it under

control. And then one day, she was just gone.

I was so deep in my work, I barely noticed.

And that's when, you know how that feels? When you really start to drink?

That was so little.

I blew it with her.

She grew up, though, and married somebody who took one look at me and

said, not in my house.

Fuck, I hate that guy. But he was right.

I hated him enough to end up here.

My first meeting was 17 years ago.

17 years since I spoke to my daughter.

But I'm here, and I'm happy.

That's possible for all of us.

You just have to find somebody who believes in you.

My students were assholes today, so I'm cooking stew.

Oh, hello. Who is this handsome fellow?

You might want to sit down.

Oh, Rick.

He has your eyes.

So you must go home, and you must find a way to get him there. It's not that

simple. But you are a good man, so maybe it is simple.

Morty, will you have more stew? Yes, please.

My love, don't forget.

Wow, she's... She's incredible.

So, she's a fuckpot?

Jesus Christ, Morty! She's my wife! She's a human woman! Oh, jeez, I guess I

didn't realize you could love anything.

My bad.

Have you seen this boy?

Ah, we see a lot of people through here. One time I saw a horse buy a ticket.

Some kind of promotion for a kind of horse food. Don't know about that, but,

oh, you never forget a face as sweet as that right there. Oh, yeah, I seen him

headed to Boston. Sure as sunlight and right as rain. Hey, where you going?

Found him.

I'm gonna love that little guy so hard.

You okay, buddy?

He's gonna find me and tie me to a pole and hug me until I throw up.

I'll be trapped here forever.

I'll get you home, okay? I'll make a portal and get you home.

Are you gonna call me a piece of shit now?

What?

Go get it! You've got this!

You're gonna get it. If God doesn't want me to praise him with invention, why

implant the desire?

Everything okay out there? Fox, just let me work.

She's gonna leave.

They all leave.

You know, you didn't drive Diana away. It wasn't your work or your drinking. It

just happened everywhere, to every Rick.

What? It wasn't your fault. Most Ricks never got this far with portal stuff.

They took a shortcut.

But I believe in you.

I can feel it, Uli. I'm so close. You're close to losing another wife.

I've become tepid. I want a boil. You can sleep on the couch. I'm done

sleeping.

This is what yours is like?

That's the only way I can get home. Where on God's earth did a 14-year-old

boy learn this kind of mind poisoning?

From your husband.

Infinitely. He belongs more to me than to you.

Professor Sanchez hasn't shown up for days. Well, he's my father, and I'm

worried about him. We just need his address.

You don't have your own father's address?

I was just asking a question.

You're right.

It's... Summer, the files.

I'm in. Also going to approve myself for early admission just in case I decide to

go to this fucking nerd school.

I'm going to get my boy and put him on a leash.

A leash?

What's up with your family?

Oh, you're right. It's personal.

Morty, I figured it out, Morty.

Morty, come on. We're going to get some stuff, Morty.

Jake, it's the middle of the night.

Come on, I'm working. It's helping me think.

Do you want to go talk to her? Talk to that?

There's a multiverse of her out there, right, Morty? We got to, we got to.

You can't hit the trouble.

I got tenure, Morty. They can't fire me.

I built this place with my dick and hammered it with my ball.

Wouldn't a dick be a better hammer? You're right, Morty. Balls are too soft.

Grab, grab, grab some, grab anything.

Mr. Sanchez.

The problem is morals, Morty. Ethics. I was scared of the gray areas. But now, I

can live in them. I'm going to get you home, you small little guy.

Hey, Doric.

They told me I was crazy. But now, now who's crazy?

They are. That's right.

I did it.

Oh, man.

I'm gonna miss you, Rick. I could come visit you, Morty. We got a doorway.

And now that I don't have a dumb wife, I have all the time in the world. I could

go on adventures, Morty. We could go on adventures.

Yeah.

You're...

You saved me. And so did this. Because alcohol is good, Morty. It's not evil.

Everyone should drink it. Wait till I tell the guys at AA.

All right, off you go. Let go of my son. Fucking Jerry!

Morty, please, don't go in there. We didn't mean to come on so strong. We

just love you.

Honey, you can stay here where you don't get thrown into space and have to die

all the time. What the hell is this thing? Have you even tested it? You're

drunk! You're gonna let a child go through that?

The science is sound, dick. Watch. Bye-bye.

Let's go home.

Damn. You look like shit.

Was the funeral that good?

Oh, shit.

A long neck dog gun. Let's fucking go.

Hey.

You OK?

Yeah.

I love you. All right. No need to get weird.

You're in, my son.

So the hat was not a good idea.

It will be tomorrow.

Morty, Morty, Morty. I got to show you. I got to show you something, Morty.

Rick, it's the middle of the night. I just want to sleep.

I'll call in a bomb threat. Come on.

I took your note, Morty. I fixed the magnet.

You ready to ride?

Let's go to Hero's Journey, Morty.

Take the wheel.

But I'm a...

DNA scans clear.