Original subtitles

You might remember back in March when

You might remember back in March when

You might remember back in March when President Trump quickly launched his

President Trump quickly launched his

President Trump quickly launched his quick war in Iran and conservative media

quick war in Iran and conservative media

quick war in Iran and conservative media told you how quick it was quickly going

told you how quick it was quickly going

told you how quick it was quickly going to go.

to go.

to go. >> We've already knocked out so much of

>> We've already knocked out so much of

>> We've already knocked out so much of their capability. It looks like this is

their capability. It looks like this is

their capability. It looks like this is just a wrap-up mission at this point.

just a wrap-up mission at this point.

just a wrap-up mission at this point. >> see how this thing can continue much

>> see how this thing can continue much

>> see how this thing can continue much longer.

longer.

longer. >> The war may be over right now.

>> The war may be over right now.

>> The war may be over right now. >> I just left the president. Today was a

>> I just left the president. Today was a

>> I just left the president. Today was a great interview. I said to him, "Mr.

great interview. I said to him, "Mr.

great interview. I said to him, "Mr. President, you keep talking about the

President, you keep talking about the

President, you keep talking about the war like was was was." I said, "Is it

war like was was was." I said, "Is it

war like was was was." I said, "Is it over?" He said, "It's over."

>> Aw, she was so happy there, dressed like

>> Aw, she was so happy there, dressed like

>> Aw, she was so happy there, dressed like a pimp on Martha's Vineyard.

Kind of like if Katharine Hepburn was in

Kind of like if Katharine Hepburn was in

Kind of like if Katharine Hepburn was in a music video for Three 6 Mafia.

a music video for Three 6 Mafia.

a music video for Three 6 Mafia. Anyway, that was 5 months ago. So, by

Anyway, that was 5 months ago. So, by

Anyway, that was 5 months ago. So, by now, the end must surely be in sight.

now, the end must surely be in sight.

now, the end must surely be in sight. >> Tonight, no end in sight in the war

>> Tonight, no end in sight in the war

>> Tonight, no end in sight in the war against Iran.

against Iran.

against Iran. >> Mr. President, there are no signs that

>> Mr. President, there are no signs that

>> Mr. President, there are no signs that Iran is ready to stop fighting. So, so

Iran is ready to stop fighting. So, so

Iran is ready to stop fighting. So, so what is the plan? Is the plan to just

what is the plan? Is the plan to just

what is the plan? Is the plan to just keep bombing until they give up?

keep bombing until they give up?

keep bombing until they give up? >> There are no signs. Why Why do you Do

>> There are no signs. Why Why do you Do

>> There are no signs. Why Why do you Do you know something that I don't know?

you know something that I don't know?

you know something that I don't know? >> Well, they continue to attack our allies

>> Well, they continue to attack our allies

>> Well, they continue to attack our allies and kill Americans.

and kill Americans.

and kill Americans. >> know what You don't know anything.

>> know what You don't know anything.

>> know what You don't know anything. >> So, talks are still happening with Iran.

>> So, talks are still happening with Iran.

>> So, talks are still happening with Iran. >> I don't know. Do you know something I

>> I don't know. Do you know something I

>> I don't know. Do you know something I don't know?

don't know?

don't know? >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> My god, this guy's cranky. Get him to a

>> My god, this guy's cranky. Get him to a

>> My god, this guy's cranky. Get him to a cabinet meeting so he can take a nap.

cabinet meeting so he can take a nap.

cabinet meeting so he can take a nap. But yes, it's a little awkward for

But yes, it's a little awkward for

But yes, it's a little awkward for Trump's media boosters that the war is

Trump's media boosters that the war is

Trump's media boosters that the war is still going on. And it's especially

still going on. And it's especially

still going on. And it's especially awkward for Greg Kelly, Newsmax anchor

awkward for Greg Kelly, Newsmax anchor

awkward for Greg Kelly, Newsmax anchor and guy who's definitely been kicked out

and guy who's definitely been kicked out

and guy who's definitely been kicked out of an airport Chili's.

of an airport Chili's.

of an airport Chili's. He's gone all in for Trump and

He's gone all in for Trump and

He's gone all in for Trump and >> He really put his reputation on the

>> He really put his reputation on the

>> He really put his reputation on the line.

line.

line. >> I guess this is not a bold prediction on

>> I guess this is not a bold prediction on

>> I guess this is not a bold prediction on my part cuz the president just said it,

my part cuz the president just said it,

my part cuz the president just said it, but I predict also this time next week,

but I predict also this time next week,

but I predict also this time next week, we may be able to declare victory.

we may be able to declare victory.

we may be able to declare victory. >> I'll tell you what I'll tell you what

>> I'll tell you what I'll tell you what

>> I'll tell you what I'll tell you what though, it's still better than his other

though, it's still better than his other

though, it's still better than his other prediction, diarrhea-free summer.

prediction, diarrhea-free summer.

prediction, diarrhea-free summer. That

That

That did not go well. But yeah, one weekend

did not go well. But yeah, one weekend

did not go well. But yeah, one weekend Greg predicted that the war would be

Greg predicted that the war would be

Greg predicted that the war would be over soon. And did he flinch a week

over soon. And did he flinch a week

over soon. And did he flinch a week later when the war was still going? No,

later when the war was still going? No,

later when the war was still going? No, he did not.

he did not.

he did not. >> The war in Iran

>> The war in Iran

>> The war in Iran which is only 17 days old.

which is only 17 days old.

which is only 17 days old. And from what I'm hearing, this thing is

And from what I'm hearing, this thing is

And from what I'm hearing, this thing is going to be over probably before the

going to be over probably before the

going to be over probably before the 28th day.

28th day.

28th day. This is contained.

This is contained.

This is contained. >> There you go. 17 days and over before

>> There you go. 17 days and over before

>> There you go. 17 days and over before day 28.

day 28.

day 28. >> Is it over or is it just beginning?

>> Is it over or is it just beginning?

>> Is it over or is it just beginning? Maybe a little bit of both. We are right

Maybe a little bit of both. We are right

Maybe a little bit of both. We are right now at 30 days.

now at 30 days.

now at 30 days. >> Got you. Got you. We are now at 30 days

>> Got you. Got you. We are now at 30 days

>> Got you. Got you. We are now at 30 days and the war is over and also just

and the war is over and also just

and the war is over and also just beginning. AND BEFORE YOU SAY, "WAIT,

beginning. AND BEFORE YOU SAY, "WAIT,

beginning. AND BEFORE YOU SAY, "WAIT, THOSE ARE OPPOSITES." May I remind you

THOSE ARE OPPOSITES." May I remind you

THOSE ARE OPPOSITES." May I remind you that every new beginning comes from some

that every new beginning comes from some

that every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. Closing time.

other beginnings end. Closing time.

other beginnings end. Closing time. But the point is, chill out guys. Don't

But the point is, chill out guys. Don't

But the point is, chill out guys. Don't make Greg get sarcastic.

make Greg get sarcastic.

make Greg get sarcastic. >> Wow, this Iran war has been going on for

>> Wow, this Iran war has been going on for

>> Wow, this Iran war has been going on for years. Months? No.

years. Months? No.

years. Months? No. 52 days. 52 days. Relax. And quite

52 days. 52 days. Relax. And quite

52 days. 52 days. Relax. And quite frankly, we're not even shooting

frankly, we're not even shooting

frankly, we're not even shooting anymore. 73 days. And the coverage is

anymore. 73 days. And the coverage is

anymore. 73 days. And the coverage is relentlessly negative. Well, by one

relentlessly negative. Well, by one

relentlessly negative. Well, by one count, you could say 81 days. However, a

count, you could say 81 days. However, a

count, you could say 81 days. However, a more accurate count would say 41 days

more accurate count would say 41 days

more accurate count would say 41 days when you factor in the ceasefire.

when you factor in the ceasefire.

when you factor in the ceasefire. >> 81 days? That's nothing. Especially if

>> 81 days? That's nothing. Especially if

>> 81 days? That's nothing. Especially if you CALL IT 41 DAYS.

you CALL IT 41 DAYS.

you CALL IT 41 DAYS. I MEAN, DO YOU WANT HIM TO KEEP GOING

I MEAN, DO YOU WANT HIM TO KEEP GOING

I MEAN, DO YOU WANT HIM TO KEEP GOING PEOPLE? Because he'll keep going.

PEOPLE? Because he'll keep going.

PEOPLE? Because he'll keep going. >> If you add it all up, four months.

>> If you add it all up, four months.

>> If you add it all up, four months. [laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] >> Oh, sure. If you add up the days, it

>> Oh, sure. If you add up the days, it

>> Oh, sure. If you add up the days, it seems like a lot of days. WHAT? YOU

seems like a lot of days. WHAT? YOU

seems like a lot of days. WHAT? YOU DON'T WANT TO ADD on the 21 days since

DON'T WANT TO ADD on the 21 days since

DON'T WANT TO ADD on the 21 days since the first four months, too?

the first four months, too?

the first four months, too? >> Four months and 21 days. How's that for

>> Four months and 21 days. How's that for

>> Four months and 21 days. How's that for a forever war?

a forever war?

a forever war? >> Well, it's a start.

>> Well, it's a start.

>> Well, it's a start. So, basically Donald Trump is locked in

So, basically Donald Trump is locked in

So, basically Donald Trump is locked in a forever war, has no plan to get out,

a forever war, has no plan to get out,

a forever war, has no plan to get out, and has hardly any defenders besides

and has hardly any defenders besides

and has hardly any defenders besides Kirkland Signature Sean Hannity. Is

Kirkland Signature Sean Hannity. Is

Kirkland Signature Sean Hannity. Is there anything that's going right for

there anything that's going right for

there anything that's going right for him? And I mean anything.

him? And I mean anything.

him? And I mean anything. >> The numbers came out yesterday. You know

>> The numbers came out yesterday. You know

>> The numbers came out yesterday. You know who's number one on Tik Tok? I AM.

>> OH,

>> OH,

>> OH, EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. >> [applause and cheering]

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> HEY. >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> WOO,

>> WOO,

>> WOO, >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> NUMBER ONE ON TIK TOK.

>> NUMBER ONE ON TIK TOK.

>> NUMBER ONE ON TIK TOK. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> NOT TO mention also very popular on Face

>> NOT TO mention also very popular on Face

>> NOT TO mention also very popular on Face Bark and Insta Gore.

Bark and Insta Gore.

Bark and Insta Gore. Let's see the master at work.

Let's see the master at work.

Let's see the master at work. >> As I stand by the Declaration of

>> As I stand by the Declaration of

>> As I stand by the Declaration of Independence, which is a great honor, I

Independence, which is a great honor, I

Independence, which is a great honor, I keep hearing so much about Tik Tok and

keep hearing so much about Tik Tok and

keep hearing so much about Tik Tok and all of the influence they have. I'm

all of the influence they have. I'm

all of the influence they have. I'm number one on Tik Tok. Can you believe

number one on Tik Tok. Can you believe

number one on Tik Tok. Can you believe it? I'm number one. Look at those

it? I'm number one. Look at those

it? I'm number one. Look at those numbers. There's your numbers. So, I

numbers. There's your numbers. So, I

numbers. There's your numbers. So, I think we have influence, too. And I'm

think we have influence, too. And I'm

think we have influence, too. And I'm saying stop communism.

saying stop communism.

saying stop communism. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> WHAT?

>> WHAT?

>> WHAT? STOP COMMUNISM? Where did that come

STOP COMMUNISM? Where did that come

STOP COMMUNISM? Where did that come from? That Tik Tok was directed by M.

from? That Tik Tok was directed by M.

from? That Tik Tok was directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

Night Shyamalan.

Night Shyamalan. Look, I know it doesn't seem like that

Look, I know it doesn't seem like that

Look, I know it doesn't seem like that would be very popular on Tik Tok, but

would be very popular on Tik Tok, but

would be very popular on Tik Tok, but don't forget they love messy

don't forget they love messy

don't forget they love messy And it's not just Trump. His whole

And it's not just Trump. His whole

And it's not just Trump. His whole cabinet is getting on Tik Tok. They just

cabinet is getting on Tik Tok. They just

cabinet is getting on Tik Tok. They just dropped a new video promoting it.

>> In the end, this team is stronger,

>> In the end, this team is stronger,

>> In the end, this team is stronger, smarter, and savvier in the game of

smarter, and savvier in the game of

smarter, and savvier in the game of leverage and negotiations. And it's

leverage and negotiations. And it's

leverage and negotiations. And it's always about America first for Trump.

>> Is this a Tik Tok or a hype video for a

>> Is this a Tik Tok or a hype video for a

>> Is this a Tik Tok or a hype video for a 50-year high school reunion?

50-year high school reunion?

50-year high school reunion? Oh Doug's coming? I thought that

Oh Doug's coming? I thought that

Oh Doug's coming? I thought that guy was dead.

guy was dead.

guy was dead. But I don't want to prejudge. Let's

But I don't want to prejudge. Let's

But I don't want to prejudge. Let's check out some of these Tik Toks. RFK

check out some of these Tik Toks. RFK

check out some of these Tik Toks. RFK Jr., you never do anything weird. Let's

Jr., you never do anything weird. Let's

Jr., you never do anything weird. Let's see what you got.

>> [laughter]

>> WHAT THE

>> [applause]

>> LOOKS LIKE A TERMINATOR WHO WENT BACK IN

>> LOOKS LIKE A TERMINATOR WHO WENT BACK IN

>> LOOKS LIKE A TERMINATOR WHO WENT BACK IN TIME to stop Sarah Connor from getting

TIME to stop Sarah Connor from getting

TIME to stop Sarah Connor from getting vaccinated.

vaccinated.

vaccinated. Why does he have those laser eyes? Is

Why does he have those laser eyes? Is

Why does he have those laser eyes? Is that how he hunts roadkill?

that how he hunts roadkill?

that how he hunts roadkill? Oh my god, somebody hide Jimothy.

Oh my god, somebody hide Jimothy.

Oh my god, somebody hide Jimothy. >> [screaming]

>> [screaming]

>> [screaming] >> I'm glad you guys are having so much fun

>> I'm glad you guys are having so much fun

>> I'm glad you guys are having so much fun making TikToks, but remind me, how's

making TikToks, but remind me, how's

making TikToks, but remind me, how's your actual job going?

your actual job going?

your actual job going? >> US measles cases just hit a 35-year

>> US measles cases just hit a 35-year

>> US measles cases just hit a 35-year record high, and more people are being

record high, and more people are being

record high, and more people are being sickened by that parasitic infection

sickened by that parasitic infection

sickened by that parasitic infection that triggered a major lettuce recall.

that triggered a major lettuce recall.

that triggered a major lettuce recall. >> The CDC has now confirmed more than

>> The CDC has now confirmed more than

>> The CDC has now confirmed more than 4,100 cases of cyclosporiasis, making

4,100 cases of cyclosporiasis, making

4,100 cases of cyclosporiasis, making 2026 the worst year for the parasitic

2026 the worst year for the parasitic

2026 the worst year for the parasitic infection on record.

infection on record.

infection on record. >> Ah, ha, cool, cool. You've got laser

>> Ah, ha, cool, cool. You've got laser

>> Ah, ha, cool, cool. You've got laser eyes and the rest of us have measles and

eyes and the rest of us have measles and

eyes and the rest of us have measles and poop lettuce.

poop lettuce.

poop lettuce. Thanks for giving us content to watch

Thanks for giving us content to watch

Thanks for giving us content to watch while we're sitting on the toilet

while we're sitting on the toilet

while we're sitting on the toilet our guts out from a parasite

our guts out from a parasite

our guts out from a parasite that you're not doing anything to stop.

that you're not doing anything to stop.

that you're not doing anything to stop. Listen, we are going through real

Listen, we are going through real

Listen, we are going through real problems, and you guys are making

problems, and you guys are making

problems, and you guys are making TikToks? You are so cavalier about all

TikToks? You are so cavalier about all

TikToks? You are so cavalier about all of this. All you care about is your

of this. All you care about is your

of this. All you care about is your image and your power. But guess what?

image and your power. But guess what?

image and your power. But guess what? These are American issues, and it's only

These are American issues, and it's only

These are American issues, and it's only a matter of time before these American

a matter of time before these American

a matter of time before these American issues affect you, too.

issues affect you, too.

issues affect you, too. Actually, can you can you play that

Actually, can you can you play that

Actually, can you can you play that video again and just turn up the audio?

>> [groaning]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> That's it.

>> [cheering]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> And that is the trenchant satire you've

>> And that is the trenchant satire you've

>> And that is the trenchant satire you've come to expect from 30 years of The

come to expect from 30 years of The

come to expect from 30 years of The Daily Show.