Original subtitles

Nice to see you.

To see you.

-Nice. -You gross.

That guy gives me the creeps.

-That guy gives me the creeps. -Sinister.

Sinister mess.

Sinister mess.

I hope you guys like the movie.

I think it's fucking great.

Fuck, fuck, fucking great.

We just have to meditate.

Let me take you on a journey.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Very interesting.

Very interesting.

Well, we've warned you.

Very interesting.

Broke ass made this.

Fuck yourselves.

I was just playing.

I want to show you something.

I want to show you something.

Something new.

Something new!

Have a look.

Between my ears.

Let me show you a few of the other characters

that are involved in this tragic comedy.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Don't mind me.

Don't mind me.

Don't mind me.

Don't mind me.

Don't mind me.

I need your major filthy slaggin' in Oldburgh.

I'm the Aliquot's wood orb, not the Timmy's wood orb.

We're both evil, we're both evil, we're both evil.

It looks shite.

But it isn't actually that bad here.

Oldburgh has a bad reputation.

A rough, working class shite hole.

Most people have left.

I understand why.

But at the same time, this place has so much personality.

It's proudly working class.

Proudly fucking mental.

The big cities are scared to be seen as mental.

But here, we wear that reputation like a fucking barge.

You may say it is grim.

But I fucking love it here.

I have some wild fucking memories here.

I have tales to tell that you wouldn't even fucking believe.

I've seen cunts on fire smoking fucking black tar heroin

and shag their Mrs all at the same time,

mental shite.

You don't get that in Edinburgh?

I love the Grimness.

I'm Davey.

And I fucking love Oldburgh.

Most of my mates have either left or are in the process of leaving.

That's shite.

You can't leave Davey.

You can't turn your back on my memories.

We made them together.

You can take somebody out of Oldburgh.

Or you can take Oldburgh out and we'll come.

I'm not gonna let them leave,

I would rather see them die here?

Than be gone.

Feed me Davey.

Feed me Davey.

Feed me their little souls I'll gull them up.

Digest them.

To the soil they shall return.

And from the ground they will be born.

Thanks to my mate here.

Whom I call The Haggis.

They will die here.

And they will remain part of Oldburgh forever.

I think he's cute.

I don't know where he came from or what he even is, to be fair.

But I think he's the lifeline of this place.

The heart and fucking soul.

I feel like I need to feed him.

If I want Oldburgh to stay mental you know.

Eat some more characters.

Shite out new ones.

I don't really know but...

But I look after my pals.

And he's hungry.

He needs a feeding lads.

Feed me Davey you're a sobbing son.

Shite out shite.

I spend my formative years here.

Absolutely raving across the coke with all my pals.

But those days.

Those days are long since gone.

I still like it.

I love it when things are grim.

There's a beauty to it.

Something you can't quite describe.

All of my mates fucking hate it here now.

But fuck them.

They're a bunch of pricks anyway.

Minimum alcohol pricing doesn't exist here.

But it fucking does in Oldburgh.

You can get a drink like this for less than four quid.

Oldburgh bastards.

It's a bit sad that no one comes here anymore.

This used to be everyone's happy place.

But now,

It's like they've all forgotten about it.

But I could bet you.

If the world was ending.

For one last mental night.

They'd all come back here for a fucking rave.

That's my friend Alyssa.

She's got a twin called Caitlin.

She fucked off.

But Alyssa?

Fine girl.

It's her dad that owns this place.

He's a prick.

Got me a weekend once because I shite in his garden.

But I like her.

But she wants to leave as well.

Spread the brand across Scotland.

Hunting about conglomerates.

Leading the coffee revolution.

Growing it into the largest coffee brand in the United Kingdom.

While still maintaining its home benefits.

Or some shite.

It's nice.

You wouldn't have touched that shit beforehand.

You used to drink frosty jars from White Lightning.

When I was 15.

Aye.

Anyone that drinks that at 15 doesn't grow up

to be a cunt who drinks mocha fucking frappies.

How are you?

Good.

Have you heard from Caitlin?

Nope.

Neither have I.

I made a new pal.

Oh yeah,

Job?

Does he have a job or have I?

Both.

Me?

No.

But him, I think he has a very important job.

He's keeping this place going.

Must not be doing a great job.

What do you mean, hun?

Look around, Davey.

There's nothing left here.

It's bogging.

There's a reason I'm leaving.

And I don't blame my sister for doing the same thing.

It used to be good.

-But now... -Now nothing.

It's always fucking been like this.

I saw it for what it was and I loved it.

Whereas you, you saw it through frosty, jacked into glasses.

And when that wore off, you fucking hated it.

You think you're too good for people in places like me now?

That's not true at all.

I think I can make a better life for myself somewhere out there.

I can't stay here forever.

Well, I can.

And I'm happy for you.

I wish you'd be happy for me.

Right.

Well...

Come on with me then, eh?

Let's go for a wee walk.

To see you off.

I've got a present for you, actually.

Yeah, present?

Aye.

Enough to convince you to stay in Oldburgh forever.

Wonder what that could be.

He drowsed and was aware of silent heat round him.

Unshaken as the steadfast walls,

aqueous like floating rays of amber light.

Soaring and quivering in the wings of sleep,

silence and safety, were his mortal shore,

lipped by the inward moonless waves of death.

Water, calm, sliding green above the weir water

sky-lit alley for his boat.

Bird voiced and bordered with reflected flowers

and shaken hues of summer drifting down.

He dipped contented oars inside and slept.

Night with the gust of wind was in the ward,

blowing the curtain to a gum me ring curve.

Night.

He was blind.

He could not see the stars,

glinting among the wraiths of wandering cloud.

Queer blots of color, purple, scarlet, green,

flickered and faded in his drowning eyes.

Rain.

He could hear it rustling through the dark.

Fragrance and passionless music woven as one.

Warm rain on drooping roses, pattering showers that soaked the woods.

Not the harsh rain that squeaked behind the thunder,

but a trickling peace gently

and slowly washing life away.

He stirred, shifting his body.

Then the pain leaped like a prowling beast

and gripped and tore his groping dreams with grinding claws and fangs.

But someone was beside him.

Soon he lay shuddering,

because that evil thing had passed

and death, who stepped toward him, paused and stared.

Fucking hell.

This place, some memories like.

Aye, good times.

So that's what you ought to call it?

Where are we going you mad junkie?

You'll see soon enough.

Is it a tree with white lightning growing from its branches?

Oh, it's better than that.

There it is.

What the fuck is that?

I don't really know.

But I consider him my pal.

Come on.

Careful.

Oh no, he's friendly to me.

I call him The Haggis.

The Haggis?

Aye.

Have you ever been hungry for haggis, Elisa?

Sorry?

I said, have you ever been hungry for haggis?

Nope, I'm a vegetarian.

Are you?

Yeah.

But we dared you to eat apart that dead cat we found on Churchill Drive.

You ate his fucking ear.

That's why I'm a vegetarian.

Oh.

Right, well, I'm sorry Elisa, but I can't see you go.

You're a part of this town, whether you like it or not.

You're staying.

And whilst you might not be hungry for haggis,

the haggis is hungry for you.

At least The Haggis,

has spread her back into the woods of Oldburgh.

Yeah.

Using her body as a fertilizer to continue the growth of filth.

It's such a lucky experience I get to have

and such an incredible experience.

The woke mob no longer like laughing

at the disadvantage in our community.

So it's often not considered polite to laugh at individuals,

like Ketamine Kenneth.

Instead they like cunts like this.

For fuck's sake.

Even the young team don't like this shite.

Couldn't as a ten minute slot doing this.

That's how fucking desperate they are.

My mate here, Scott, does stand up.

He's not bad at it.

But tonight, he's playing the theatre

at the college, he studies travel and tourism

and he's organized this himself.

No one goes here anymore.

It's fairly dead.

People have stopped educating themselves.

I mean, what's the fucking point in Oldburgh, eh?

Bless Scott.

I wasn't really friends with him in school.

Far too artistic for my taste.

But he does stand up now.

He's keeping local jokes alive.

I like that.

But he wants to leave.

Thinks he can make a go of it in the central belt.

I can't let him leave.

He's the one sharing stories of our treasured past.

He only knows local jokes.

He'd wouldn't survive in Glasgow.

Pure iron cunt.

Thanks for coming, Davey.

I really appreciate it.

Aye, no bother, at all.

Anything to get out of the house.

It's good to see you Davey.

So what's your act about tonight?

Life.

I like to joke about life.

There's plenty of that in there.

Do you remember mental wacking with a foot from fucking hell, eh?

Remember her?

I won't be talking about her tonight.

I like to speak about autism and how it perceives the world.

It makes the audience very uncomfortable.

And it's how you create joy in that.

That sound is shite.

It's not a shite.

It's jokes like that, that will buy me a ticket to a life tomorrow.

I can't keep talking about Oldburgh in my routine forever.

I'll never grow.

Do not fuck me, scottie.

Don't fuck around with a form.

And say something fucking funny.

Let me go shit.

What the fuck?

Davy, that's me away to perform.

Davy?

Henderson, do you go here?

I ain't gonna go here anymore, Scott.

Fuck you, Scott.

Run you little bastard.

Henderson?

Run you little bastard.

Run, you little bastard.

Run.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

I believe you're my smelly smells.

Hello?

And there he is.

He's got the nice little tie.

He's got the little smile.

Good looking police officer there.

Time for a nice wee fun jokey joke.

This one has a nice twist at the end.

I think you'll enjoy the sharp delivery.

This one involves a bit of audience participation.

My good friend Davy, I'll use you.

You wanted some local jokes?

Ones that highlight the amazing characters in Oldburgh?

People who are the foundation for the grime in this town

that you love so much?

Do you remember Kieran and Henderson?

Aye.

I'd like you to help me out, Davy, with a moral dilemma.

If anyone else wants to voice their opinion, feel free to do so.

Christ.

Kieran Henderson was a social pariah at the academy.

He was once just an ordinary kid.

Not popular, but also not hated.

Just the typical in-between child, most of us knew at academy.

Most people knew of him, but didn't necessarily know him.

I'm sure a lot of us can relate to that.

Anyway, there was one day at PE

where we were all walking to the park to partake in rounders.

Which is basically a gear version of baseball.

And there was a line of us.

And at the front was the local hoodlum Andrew Cunliffe.

A man who now parades

about the importance of mental health on Facebook.

Now this story doesn't have a particularly

good beginning, middle or end.

It's all very sad really.

Sad to his day in fact.

Anyhow, Andrew dared Kieran to nip the girl head's backside.

It was not in Kieran's character to do so.

But I suppose he wanted to impress the school bad boy.

He nipped her backside and well, the rest is his history.

What happened next?

Aye, he was a social prior.

Everyone called him naunts and pedo.

He was basically blacklisted from the school.

It was quite terrible really.

He was a kid who did something stupid.

But kids are cruel.

Kids are cunts.

Yes, kids are cruel.

Kids are very nasty individuals.

Was it wrong to nip her bum?

Yes, of course it was.

But was it right to destroy his entire life over?

I think that's a question for the audience.

Aye, he was just a fucking lad.

Stuff like that wouldn't have gotten you

a second look with what the fuck out of woke Bob getting in.

Woke Bob getting in, fuck that.

His life was over.

Constant bullying.

Everywhere was a smear campaign.

People would shout Pedo as he walked down the hallways.

My gosh.

Teachers can be cruel too.

Life wasn't easy for him.

Students made YouTube videos about it.

Endless Facebook posts about him.

The fact he didn't take his life is a miracle.

Really, he's still going.

He had to leave school.

His whole family had to uproot and leave this town.

But the stuff on the internet followed him everywhere.

Every town or city he went, he got hell.

All because he nipped one girl's bum as a dare.

Not saying that's right,

but should the sins of an 11 year old punish the 15 year old

trying to get him to college or get a job at McDonalds?

When I say the bullying was hell, I mean it.

Even now people post about him.

Especially since he's planning on coming back to the area.

This is a post on Facebook.

Kieran Henderson is set to return to the area.

Make sure we make an effort to hang the beast.

Naunts shouldn't be out on the street.

Protect our kids.

Thoughts?

Yes.

What do you think?

Scott, you're leaving out some vital fucking information.

So should we accept Kieran back into our town?

Should he still be judged at his actions at 27 years old?

You're all about loving the locals of this town.

You celebrate them.

Love their filth.

Did that fuck send you?

You're proud of the rot of Oldburgh.

What do you think?

Should we accept him back?

I'll take that as a yes.

Wow! Amazing stuff!

This town has really changed.

You all just accepted Henderson back into the community.

That's incredible.

I'm sure he'll be very happy.

He's also just out of jail for rape.

Christ.

I bet he'll be delighted to have this town to call home.

That's the wee twist at the end of the joke.

Quite like that one.

It's because he is back.

Davey, you knew he was a rapist.

Why did you say we should welcome him back?

I didn't fucking say anything.

I don't want fucking Naunts as an Oldburgh.

Quite a dark joke, isn't it?

I'm leaving this town because of people like him.

I can't pretend to enjoy its character anymore.

It was always awful.

I need to move on.

Can't just accept this place.

There's a reason Caitlin left Oldburgh.

Yeah,

you have no idea why she fucking left.

So watch your fucking mouth you cunt.

Who wants to raped next?

Ah, he's retarded.

Feed me Davey, I'm starving son.

Feed me Davey, I'm starving son.

We can't go back.

We shouldn't go back.

We can look back but keep moving forward.

A glance back is fine.

So long as you step ahead.

Fuck sake,

You're just eating them

and shitting out.

Shite!

I'm feeding you, you fucking fuck.

And you're giving nothing back.

The past burns and it gives us new skin.

You love the past deep in your gullet.

But you just consume the future.

Caitlin.

Yeah.

Caitlin will taste nice.

Feed me Davey.

I'm starving son.

I ain't mad I've got a fucking sickness.

Go on then.

You fucking cunt.

Go on.

Spit it out.

I'm gonna fucking eat this.

Hey there retarded girl.

You make my hard penis do a twirl.

Simple girl.

I idolize those idolize.

That's fucking shite.

You didn't eat with that fucking shite.

I'm in the process of shedding my skin to become one.

I am losing everything that proves I have a beating heart

to become a true Eastwood warrior.

Now those who are toxic to this.

They didn't initially embrace the gas.

They were poisoned.

They were invaded.

Fucking cunts.

Fucking cunts.

Fucking cunts.

Fucking wankers.

Fucking wankers.

You're a fucking sorry.

-Fuck you pal. -Fuck you.

I am a gender.

Fuck you pal.

A man to Eastwood.

Fucking cunts.

Fucking cunts.

Fucking cunts.

Who the fuck was...

The man, the myth, the legend.

Get in my way.

Fuck you.

Get it my way.

Fuck you.

Get it my way.

You're fucking wankers.

Try to speak like him.

Fuck you sun.

Oh,

There's Alan.

He's a fun character let me tell you.

He's a dodgy bastard.

And he's not a seedy cunt.

You alright pal?

Davey,

You're fucking gay cunt.

How you fucking doing?

Smashing.

Smashing.

You wanna fucking lift some way?

It's alright.

I ain't no fucking bother pal.

Just give me a fucking minute, alright.

Just a minute.

Oh my.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't mind do you?

Squeezing every little bit...

Of my...

Bye you fucking whore.

Bye-bye.

You alright hun?

Mmmmh.

Do you mind taking me to the woods pal?

Aye.

We've got to get going.

It's a school night.

Oh Davey.

You stink of fucking shite.

Have you had a shite recently?

Or been around shite recently?

Going home hun.

You're not from here.

You don't deserve to be clenched enough stench,

now fuck off.

Fucking hooze men.

I've heard the ones with your generation.

They sucked better.

Do you er...

Do you mind taking me to the woods pal?

Aye.

I can fucking do that pal.

You're getting a score.

Mmmh.

I'm feeding a habit.

Hop on in you cunt.

He was planning to leave for Latvia.

Chased a tail there.

I Couldn't let a legend like that leave, now could we?

Soon he lay shuddering.

Because that evil thing had passed

and death who'd stepped toward him, paused and stared.

Light many lamps and gather round his bed.

Lend him your eyes, warm blood,

and will to live.

Speak to him, rouse him.

You may save him yet.

He's young, he hated war.

How should he die

when cruel old campaigners went safe through?

I choose him.

So he went.

And there was silence in the summer night.

Silence and safety.

In the vales of sleep.

Then far away.

The thudding of the guns.

Fuck teeth.

Fuck toothbrushes.

Fuck toothpaste.

Fuck everything.

Better than my fucking body.

Tyler, keep it the fuck down.

You fucking birthed me.

You fucking deal with me.

Fuck!

Fuck Oldburgh.

Fuck engines.

Fuck engines.

Fuck Oldburgh

Hello?

Hi.

My name is Eric Roberts.

And I have been in many bad things.

"Run Away Train", "Best Of The Best",

"Expendables" I was even in the "Dark Knight".

I was just in Oldburgh.

Fuck my cunting wife.

Okay, can I ask what this is about?

There were men and women without legs.

Their face half-cats and someone they called Eastwood.

They floated around, spread out their filth, spreading racist imagery,

spewing hate, encouraging violence, engaging in violence,

exterminating the weak and giving wiggers a bad name.

They see Eastwood as an idol.

They don't know what else to worship because

in an Oldburgh there is nothing else.

They like him.

Like his worst self without impulse.

He channels with the Scottish Ned.

But an interpretation of the evil does come out.

Right, is this really Eric Roberts?

-Hello? -Fuck's sake.

They punched a bullet in the Barrow land's Ball room back in 68.

They never mopped up the pus and it became something else.

People are going bad in Scotland.

Oldburgh is not alone.

They put me in a motherfucking beanbag.

I was told of Ian Brady.

His physical form is gone but his spirit,

lives on in the newborns of an Oldburgh.

Some dress like him.

Others live like him running across the hills into the next town.

Making the kids of Pugh Bergen and Graiser Bergen

the battle of boys and girls.

I've got eight fucking toons.

Fucking are you kidding me.

Fuck, I miss cinemax.

I love the sound of a film camera.

Porn felt like Danny Boyle made it back then.

I can't think of an American contemporary, can you?

To be fair, I can't.

You've got a point there.

That brings me back to Humboldt County.

Which is where I am now.

That place seemed to be connected

by some sort of rotten cunt bridge of opposing evils.

They say Humboldt called Eastwood.

Told him he could hide there.

When the fire died down, they sent him to Oldburgh.

Whatever is in Oldburgh called.

Took me when I had the most severe heart burned.

I wouldn't say it took care of me, but I could stay there.

When I left, he sent me here to Humboldt County.

The whole flight, I carried something deep in my gut.

I couldn't even swallow the coach's dinner service.

When I arrived in Humboldt County,

I walked to an unmarked spot and spat it out.

In what was once nothing stood.

The decrepit mansion.

And a man named Bruce.

The town was poisoned.

Are you sure he'd always been there?

There are some in Oldburgh that don't like the eagle.

Their body fights it and they can never succumb to it.

They keep their arms and legs, but act like they don't walk anymore.

They go off.

Not to fight evil, but...

study the true horrors and find out if there's something deeper

than this whole gat thing after all.

I hope to God nothing counts for Oldburgh.

What the fuck do you want, you stupid cunt?

Were you out last night?

I was out last night.

At a fucking rotten leg,

place was fucking mental.

It was a fucking film, brother.

There were so many fucking mental geezers out there last night.

I fucking loved it.

I wonder why you still go there, it's rank.

For the fucking characters, that's why I still go there.

We went down to Glasgow it's like shite in here, mate.

Fuck you, pal.

There's no characters down there like that are fucking here, in Oldburgh

I'm gonna do really bad things to you,

because you deserve it.

Do I?

Aye, I'm gonna do absolutely despicable things

to your fucking face and body,

you stupid cunt of a woman.

Do I have any choice of what you're gonna do to me?

What the fuck do you think?

And if this works brother,

women like you have no choice but to suffer.

What's gonna happen?

I'd eat the people, but I got women.

I find pleasure in causing them and killing others.

The feeling of ending some life.

Obviously I know it's wrong and sick and shit.

But the more I do it,

the more parts of my brain that tells me to stop, starts again

on the side, that tells me to keep on going,

to stab and penetrate one more time.

I feel like I'm some sort of predator and they're my prey.

Like the gazelle for the lion, or plankton in the baskin shark.

They exist to feed me.

At least that's what I think.

There's not that much to process, you know?

I've killed three people.

I can assure you, more will follow.

Every person I look at, I think about cutting,

dosing myself in their blood,

and possibly making out with the body.

I think of the ways in which I can see their body being mutilated.

I run my fingers up and down their corpse,

but it's warm because of the blood.

So I keep stabbing Chloe Gertner repeatedly

until she goes cold and hard.

And as you dance around the room and talk,

I think about bashing the back of your head,

maybe cutting off the bottom part of your body

and having sex with it while the top part stays blackly.

I know that's heavy, but you're so pathetic.

And to be honest, you're not worth it.

A cold-blooded killer like myself

doesn't even have the guts to kill you because you're unbelievably benign.

And unlike me, you exist in your own little world.

You think your purpose is to help fix me?

It's not.

You told yourself that.

You think it, you may very well believe it.

If there's any choice in your life,

you're never doing what you're meant to.

I have no fucking choice.

You'll forever exist in the pain I spread.

You are intertwined with my disease.

At least that's what I think.

What the fuck, man?

This place gives me fucking hometown pride.

I love it.

You want me to take you to Glasgow next time you go out?

Get you out of there for a while.

Fuck you and fuck Glasgow.

That place is shit.

This place is shite.

They have fake fucking tan grime

and we have real fucking grime.

Fuck you, you fucking faggot.

Fuck you, sun.

What the fuck do you want, you stupid whore?

Milk.

Fuck you and fuck Milk.

Listen here, you fucking faggot.

I'm taking your milk.

I know what you were,

what you'll always be in my fucking eyes.

Fucking faggot.

A fucking jaky faggot.

A fucking jaky junky faggot.

I don't give money to people like you.

You deserve every beating

that you've ever fucking gotten from life.

I'm taking this milk and you are not going to stop me.

Stopping me would be another mistake in your tragic fucking life.

You filth monger.

You've already stolen so much fucking oxygen from us.

Why can't you just die already?

But you know what?

You know when you actually are dead?

I'm going to tell people that your grave

is actually where Jimmy Saville is buried.

And each and every night,

your corpse is going to be dug up and fucked.

Because even in death, your body doesn't deserve rest.

A fucking jaky junky faggot.

You fucking faggot.

I don't give money to people like you.

A fucking jaky faggot.

You deserve every beating that you've ever fucking found.

Your tragic fucking life.

Can you just die soon?

See ya.

I'm sorry.

You're not a jaky junky faggot.

Enjoy your milk.

I don't even get proper music in Oldburgh.

None of the hits have made it here.

But they've tried to seep in through the telly.

Take a look at this shite.

-I've got a robot. -The mega!

I'm a ticket.

-Tell me to Bahama. -Oh my.

-Pretty mama. -Kiyaku!

One zero.

Baby quietly.

Go off the floor.

There's a place called Kokomo.

That's where you wanna go.

Get away from the hole.

I'm in the sound.

Tropical drink.

We'll be falling in love.

To the will of a steel drum band.

Kokomo.

I'm gonna take you to the moon.

Bahama.

-Come on. -Pretty mama.

-Kiyaku. -One zero.

Baby quietly.

Get away from the hole.

And then we'll take it slow.

That's where we wanna go.

Koko.

That's how the hits sound here in Oldburgh.

No wonder we're all so uncultured.

But I'm proudly uncultured.

Because I'm Davey.

And you're a fucking fanny.

You alright Mark?

I'm alright Paul.

What are you saying?

Still living with your parents.

Aye, I am.

Aye.

Parents,

what are they like man?

You know.

Sometimes you just wanna...

But you can't can you so...

I fed them to a giant beast instead.

Funny folk.

Listen Davey.

Your dad.

Your dad's a good man.

Solid bastard.

Star.

Aye,

he has his moments.

Did I ever tell you about my father, Davey?

His name was Bobbert.

Do you mean Robert?

No.

Bobbert.

Bobbert!

He was a prick, mate.

Total junkie.

Now you know how much I fucking hate them.

Oh aye.

Listen.

When I was a wee kid Davey.

My dad was a proper bastard.

Do you...

Do you remember that old belt shop?

Up on Queen Street?

Aye, I think so.

Well.

My dad went in there.

Frosty Jack's on his breath.

And he mutters,

I'll take them all.

I remember the belt maker tone his face,

He was confused.

Surely he didn't mean all of them.

Indeed he fucking did.

He walked out of that shop with several bags

full of fucking belts.

I mean what did he need with those thick leather belts?

Did it matter?

Okay.

Listen Davey.

Come rain, hail or storm that man went into that belt shop.

And he bought up all the belts.

I mean seriously.

Tony must have been questioning it.

But, he never said anything.

Just kept selling him the belts.

I mean what did you really need all those belts for?

Of course he was not going to say anything was he?

Because he had to keep that little financial angel going

just as long as he could.

As long as he was paying for them.

Until one day he did question it.

"So what's with all the belts chief?"

He said.

A glare was my father's first response.

Followed by... I'm keeping a jackal in line.

Aye, Tony thought it was in his best interest to not question it.

Until one day curiosity got the better of him.

And so he followed my father home.

Aye, keeping his distance of course.

What happened next?

Tony looked through the window when he got there.

I saw him.

I saw him through that window.

My father was in the house.

Me, tied to the bed.

And he was leathering my arse with those belts.

Until they would break and splinter away.

Gold buckles scattered across the room mate.

It was fucking torture.

I mean, what?

Too embarrassed to be seen making contact

with this filthy, abhorrent creature.

Apparently that it was.

I mean, with his black eyes, bruised, lumpy skin.

You know, it's...

Didn't really show the darkness deep down mate,

that and he would beat my arse raw.

And then when the belt snapped, mate.

He'd go right into his little black bag.

And he'd twirl another one in,

Thicker than the last.

And he'd go again.

All my mother could do was just sit in the corner and cry.

I'm so sorry.

That's terrible.

What happened next?

He left.

He looked at me through that window.

Said nothing.

Scampered away.

I mean, what would you do in his situation?

Would you still profit off of that fucking abuse?

Tony did.

For a good long while.

Dad still went in.

Tony said nothing.

Buying up the belts.

Felt like every time he'd go in he'd keep

asking for thicker and thicker belts.

And the best fucking buckles money could buy.

He didn't care, he'd spend it.

By God.

The suffering that Tony profited off

would put most wars to shame, may I tell you.

That continued right up until I was thirty-fucking-two.

Listen, Davey.

After all that, I didn't kill my dad.

Nor should you.

I already did, brother.

He wanted to leave Oldburgh?

You take care.

Hit me with a fucking belt.

Until there's nothing threaded.

Until there's nothing threaded.

Hit me with a fucking belt.

Until there's nothing threaded.

And buckles hit my ass.

And broke my fucking fat ass.

Hit me with a fucking belt

Hello.

Alright Davey, it's your old pal, JK Mark here.

Can you let me in?

No, sorry pal, I'm really busy at the minute.

Mark?

Mark, you there?

Fucking Jesus.

Davey.

My mother, she was a strong woman, Davey.

She might not have looked it, but she was.

Life with one, but that cunt

could down the rock with a glare, I tell you.

Aye, she was a character.

She did my head in, truth be told.

Parents do that, Mark.

Parents do that.

Aye, they do.

Listen, Davey,

when you mind that you wanted to throttle them?

Did you mean it?

No, no, of course not.

Good, good.

Because I can promise, Davey,

where are you?

That it is not worth it.

What do you mean, pal?

When I was young, and I'm talking about seven or eight,

my mum took me to the local baths.

She was my only friend.

I mean, God knows my dad wasn't.

I really struggled with the other kids.

I couldn't make a connection then, I don't know why.

You see, when heroin came along,

then of course they all flocked around me.

But before that, they wouldn't be seen with me, Davey.

I suppose after heroin, it was much the same.

They just spat a lot more as kids.

Right in my face.

I mean, sometimes I couldn't tell if it was

tears or saliva I was wiping away.

They both stung me the same.

Anyway, so she took me to the pool,

and I was bobbing about, happy as Larry.

And then, I just sank,

straight to the bottom of that pool.

I wasn't sure what happened, truth be told.

I just disappeared at the bottom of the pool.

Christ, it was cold, but I felt something.

Davey,

I felt peace.

I mean, Mum was obviously worried as can be,

looking up the length of the pool for me.

Then she stopped, and she looked down,

and she saw me at the bottom of that pool.

Not moving, but I had a little grin on my face.

And on any other day, I can imagine she'd be

straight down to the bottom to save me.

But not that day.

She saw a smile on my face, Davey.

And she thought to herself, fuck it, he's smiling.

When's he going to do that again?

If I rescue him, I'm bringing him back to a cruel world

of hatred and bigotry and all sorts of bad shite.

Might as well just leave him.

Let him experience peace for once in his life.

Letting this wee boy drown isn't the kindest thing I could do for him.

It would be evil to save him

and subject him to his father and the rest of the world.

Jesus, Mark.

She just left me, got out of the pool,

dried herself off and went home.

Of course, somebody rescued me.

And I got brought home.

In those days, the bobbies didn't care if you hurt your kids.

I mean, let alone leave them to fucking drown.

I'm pretty sure they would have.

Not these bobbies, Davey.

Not these bobbies.

You didn't fucking see them.

I was never right after that day.

I mean, I wasn't the best beforehand, let's be real, but...

All of that water, lack of oxygen, it does something to you, mate.

I hated my mum for doing that, but...

I mean, maybe she was right, Davey.

I was better dead at the bottom of that pool, let's be real.

How did your father react to seeing you alive?

How do you think?

I'm sorry, Mark.

I didn't know your parents were like that.

It's all right.

At least you know now your parents aren't that bad.

Aye.

But when she...

When she was gone, when she died, I didn't feel much relief or anything.

I mean, it didn't seem worth it.

Mark, how did your mum die?

Get this, Davey.

The cow drowned in the bath.

And my dad hanged himself with a belt.

My parents died too, Mark.

I fed them to the beast.

Would you...

Would you like me to feed you to it?

Can it...

Can it... better than this?

You fucking thing.

He was more than just shite.

You're meant to be shitting out legends.

And you're just getting fat and fat, you fuck.

Fuck.

Just gooey drop what some fucking shite.

You fucking useless cunt.

She was a mad cunt in her day.

A proper fucking character.

But even I don't love this town enough to do this for it.

I'm doing it because I feel guilty.

I was a mad lad back in the day.

And well...

I hurt this woman.

I hurt her heart.

I help her in many ways now.

Try to keep the whole relic alive, you know.

Not just sexual things.

Sometimes with technology.

So err...

You can't take any more pictures on your iPad or something?

Sorry, I can't remember what my mum said.

Yeah, I've got no memory.

I can't make any more memories.

Remember what I said last time?

No.

I said... You've got too many photos and videos on there.

You need to either delete some...

or back them up onto a cloud or whatever.

That way you'll have more room on the device to make more...

whatever it is you make.

Please, Davey?

Please would you...

look at it for me, please?

This is all I've got for my memories.

I don't think I've got time right now, Millie.

I suppose that's fair, Davey.

Things like this happen all the time.

I get left alone.

It's a shame for me, really.

I used to have visitors around every day.

Now, seldom doors to anyone.

I need these memories.

People send me pictures and I can't save them.

It tells me there's no room.

All I have are those pictures on that iPad,

to remind me of how good some things used to be.

How good my friends looked.

How healthy our smiles were.

How beautiful I was.

The memories are endless but my time is limited, Davey.

There's still so much I want to reminisce about...

but my iPad doesn't have the memory.

It's popping up and telling me that I don't deserve to remember.

That time has passed

and I should look at myself in the reflection of its glass,

growing old and withering away.

Slowly,

ever so slowly.

Life goes so fast when you're young.

Then when you hit my age, it's dead slow.

You drag your heels to the grave, Davey.

Please help me, Davey.

Please.

What's the passcode?

It's 130393.

My fucking birthday?

Easy to remember.

Oh, Davey.

Oh Davey.

What a treat.

Ooh!

Keep the ones you like

and delete the ones that you don't.

Nothing's changed down there, Davey.

It's still the same.

Very womanly.

Oh, no.

You'll like this video.

Right.

I've deleted all your duplicates and...

all the other things.

So you should have plenty of memory on there now to make new...

ones.

Listen, Melanie, I know what you're trying to do.

I'm sorry, but I'm not interested.

You had your run.

I'm looking for the new Queen of Oldburgh.

Well, good luck with that, son.

You'll never find anyone as cocked mad and as filthy as me.

Or as disease-ridden.

Diseases build character.

I'm gonna leave now.

Davey!

Put them back in my gob.

Or I'll tell.

The three of you will go down for good.

I know what you did to my sister.

Mocking gone wrong, was it?

Do you want to go for a wee walk?

Feed me Davey.

Feed me Davey.

Look at his fucking stomach.

It's violent in there.

That thing's gonna fucking pop.

It's fine.

It's getting up for a proper shite.

I think when that thing goes, we all fucking go, Davey.

It'll shit out a new legend into Oldburgh soon enough.

Mark my words.

Shut the fuck up.

You're just feeding the cancer at this point.

We can't go back.

Fuck you.

I thought you fucking loved Oldburgh too.

I do!

I mean, I did.

This place is slowly...

This place is slowly disappearing, Davey.

The cancer that we once loved.

It's slowly eating this place fucking alive.

It'll all be fucking gone soon.

You've changed your tune.

The rotten leg changes tune too, Davey.

I was there last night and it was fucking bogging.

I need to leave.

I'm bad for this place, and this place is fucking bad for me.

Maybe the fresh air of a new land will heal what ails me.

But it'll be the same sun shining a shitty light down on me.

Fuck you, sun!

Fuck you.

Don't even try fucking feeding me to that thing.

Prick.

Fuck you!

That's right.

Fuck off like you always do.

You traitorous bastard.

A glance back is fine.

Fucking prick.

So long as you step ahead.

Thank you.

Caitlin.

What's your biggest strengths?

That after every nightmare, I still get through the next day.

Sorry?

I get a lot of nightmares.

I've not killed myself yet.

Oh.

Yeah.

I get them all the time.

They're really bad.

Tell me about them.

Okay, well, I get them most nights..

Typically the same thing happens over and over.

It's the end of the world.

Chaos reigns.

Blood reigns.

Just dancing with the few remaining bastards.

No one's even drinking.

There's not a lot of people left.

The ones who stay, they don't even care that the world's ending.

Because to them, it ended years ago.

And there's some crowns who just stay and dance.

They're young.

They're full of life, but they're not happy.

Others try to escape, but some just...

bask in the darkness.

Anyway, I'm in the club.

And I suddenly get really scared.

Anxiety grabs a hold of me.

Sexually chokes me.

But I escape it.

I'm in a void.

Far away from everything.

The world is ending.

And I'm on my own.

Death rides over the hill.

Its headlights are blaring.

Exposing every horrible thing I've ever done.

Taking me out.

I feel life being stripped from every part of my body.

I wake up knowing.

I don't deserve to live to see the end.

This dream takes me days to recover from.

Oh, hold on.

Catlin.

Spradley, you've got to come back to Oldburgh.

You've got to come back.

You've got to come back to Oldburgh.

I think something's happened to Alyssa.

I think Davey did something bad.

I think Davey did something really fucking bad.

I couldn't, but Davey did something really fucking horrible to your sister.

I've got a really bad here.

I need you to come back.

It's getting really fucking bad.

I'm getting really, really fucking bad.

All right, Caitlin. I love you.

I've got to go.

Okay, I love you. Bye.

My twin sister has gone missing.

Sorry.

What the fuck, man?

I can't some look at dune upon for spickin' out sebrade.

But I still use my mother tongue just as it was made.

Some pet at dune and native muck how foreign it might be.

But long widget my feather spoke is good enough for me.

And when I'm writing to my friends exiled in foreign land

they're gunning for a fireside clique

with cronies near their claw.

I fronted ye should be nay mare to speak your mother tongue.

It warms the soul's old Scottish heart to hear its praises rung.

So you're back?

Mm-hmm.

Couldn't make a name for yourself down south?

That's not it.

Realised you can't run away from your past?

You can't escape what made you, Caitlin?

I'm here to find Alyssa.

I want to find her and be there for my family during this difficult time.

Don't try and act like a good person now, sweetheart.

You were the one who stepped on her neck.

Aye.

It was my idea to mug her.

But you...

you fucking killed her.

We are the scum of Oldburgh.

We belong here.

We don't let ourselves spread.

We keep Oldburgh at the place it is.

The place it should be.

Fucking mental.

Boggin', despicable.

You were the one that put your foot on her neck.

You're the filth that makes up this town.

Don't act like you're any better.

Everyone knows what happened.

Even those who weren't there, mhmm.

You can't escape that.

You're not too fucking good for this place.

Maybe that's right.

But I'm always looking for something better.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes you just have to move on, Davey.

Accept that the past was shite and you've wasted your life.

Don't pretend to like the filth.

You love the past deep in your gut.

But you just consume what you can.

Feed me Davey.

I've got something to show you.

Okay.

My name is Wee Scott.

And I'm an orb now.

And when I was a nitty-pitty kid, my daddy bought me a Sega Mega Drive.

And I thought, a Sega Mega Drive?

Me?

Wee Scott?

Well, I'm just no long off the bloody leapfrog.

What on earth would I be doing with a Sega Mega Drive?

Father, what benefit is it to me?

What are you on about, Daddy?

Sega Mega Drive?

Me?

My father looked at me.

And he said, Have a think, son.

Have a think.

Why?

I bought you a Sega Mega Drive.

I said, I'm no longer wiser, Daddy.

And he says, Well, in Sonic the Hedgehog 3.

There's a character called Knuckles.

Who is advertised as being a bit of the baddie.

He's the villain.

And I know you don't like Knuckles, son.

You don't like my Knuckles.

You don't like my Knuckles at all, do you, son?

So I got you this Sega Mega Drive.

So you can finally...

So you can finally defeat Knuckles.

I got you it so you could finally beat some Knuckles.

And he looked at me and he said, For the time being, son,

these Knuckles,

they're gonna have to fuckin' beat you.

In Christ, did he fuckin' leather me.

What is it?

I don't really know.

But I call it The Haggis.

Why?

This is fuckin' Scotland you mong.

Come on.

I know you're full.

Close to bursting you poor hairy bastard.

Look at her.

She's delicious.

Have her.

She's a traitor to Oldburgh.

A traitor to us.

What the fuck are you doing?

Come on.

Eat her.

You know you want to.

Eat her.

You fuckin'... Eat the fuckin' bitch.

Come on.

Eat her.

Eat her and shite out the new legend.

-To the soil I return... -Come on.

Come on you fuckin'... Eat her.

I'm starving son.

Feed me Davey.

Let me eat you.

Fucking out of town

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son.

That whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world.

But in order that the world might be saved through him,

whoever believes in him is not condemned.

But whoever does not believe is condemned already

because he has not believed in the name of the only son of God.

A little more desperate to come to the

planet that claim me.

BANO!

That's it.

Oldburgh's fucked.

The hag is popped and killed every fucking cunt going.

No more toxic Timbs.

No more cunts.

No one.

Don't let your town become like Oldburgh.

However the fuck you're supposed to stop that shite from happening,

just fucking do it.

Cunt.

It's over.

Thank the Pope.

Thank God.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell.

I've never been so fucking grateful.

I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Was it an abortion?

Abortion?

-Yeah. -No.

Let's stop talking about abortion.

This lived.

It didn't just die.

It has just died.

You're so fucking special.

I wish I was special.

You're so fucking special.

You are retarded.

I know you're not retarded.

But I'm a creep.

I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

Can't change a thing.

It's driving me crazy.

I'm talking to myself.

Fucking hell.

I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Scared of the future?

I'm scared of the present.

What's going on?

Pussy shit.

That's what's going on.

Pussy shit.

-That's what's going on. -Aww.

Pussy shit.

What the hell are you saying here?

Scared of the future.

I'm scared of the present.

I don't know what's gonna happen next.

I've never been this open.

Yeah, I've got problems.

This feels normal to me.

This was the spam of my subconscious.

What's gonna happen next?

What's gonna happen to me?

Who the fuck knows?

Who cares?

Who says anything will happen?

This is my spam.

Direct from my brain.

This is my spam.

Direct from the brain.

Scared of the future?

I'm scared of the present.

What's going on?

What's going on?

Pussy shit.

-That's what's going on. -Pussy shit.

That's what's going on.

Scared of the future.

I'm scared of the present.

What is going on?

Pussy shit.

That's what's going on.

Pussy shit.

That's what's going on.

I don't know if I can handle the spam direct from my brain.

I don't know if I can handle

the spam, direct from my brain.

I don't know if I can handle the spam directly from my brain.

I don't know if I can handle the spam directly from my brain.

I want to say thank you.

To my crew.

To my real genius.

I struggle hard.

The world often doesn't make sense.

Does not compute.

Computer says no.

What are you, retarded?

So he... I know you're not retarded.

But I don't make that anyone else's problem but my own.

Is that the right thing to do?

What am I doing?

I challenged myself and I am myself challenged.

To make a feature before I was 27 years old.

I had five grand and I thought fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Five grand.

Is that all?

The English would have gotten more.

-It's shite being Scottish! -Fuck it.

- I thought... - I'll do it my way.

And now the end is near.

And so I face the final curtain.

I'll say it clear.

I'll state my case of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.

Are you a glass half full?

Or are you a glass half empty?

I've travelled each and every highway.

Why did it have to be this way?

And more, much more than this.

I did it my way.

Mark and Sarah, you know it shouldn't have been this way.

Regrets, I've had a few.

But then again, too few to mention.

I did what I had to do.

I saw it through without exception.

I planned each charted course.

Each careful step along the byway.

You and Elizabeth, great job by the way.

And much more than this.

I did it my way.

Aye.

Mark and Sarah, you know it shouldn't have been this way.

Yes, there were times.

I'm sure you knew.

Well then again, too.

Guilty bitch, I'm guilty.

But I do it all.

We always go.

I ate it up, and spit it out.

I faced it all, and I stood tall, and I did it my way.

Mark and Sarah, you knew it shouldn't have been this way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.

I've had my fill, my share of losing.

And now those tears subside, with all thought about it.

Suicide, your life losing.

I find it so amusing to think I did all that.

And may I say, not in a shy way.

Mark and Sarah, you know it shouldn't have been this way.

Oh no, oh no, no, not me.

I did it my way.

But what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he is not,

to say the things he truly feels.

Stop that fucking cock!

Stop, stop, stop!

He doesn't have a clue what he was trying to say,

not the words of one who kneels.

We should just let him speak.

Nah, he's retarded.

He's sincere, that's hard to come by.

But if he says he's happy, check his nose.

It goes!

The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way.

The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way.

Yes, it was my way.

The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way.

Aye, it was my way.

Mark and Sarah, you know it shouldn't have been this way.

Fuck it!

It should have.

And it is.

Fuck the lot of you.

Fuck you all.

That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt.

I did it my way.

Hope you enjoyed that.

If you didn't, then I hope you'd call something.

I want it to live there, live there.

I think it's world fucking class.

Live there.

World fucking class.

To anyone that doesn't like it, well, they don't need to stick around.

What was I trying to say again?

Actually, I'm happy.

This is my thing.

I'm happy this way, even though...

The record shows!

I took the blows!

I am further out in that ocean,

and further, and further out,

until I'm further out in that ocean

than I've ever been in any ocean in my life.

Spalding man!

I do apologize, Ian.

I have to work with this somehow.