Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Tommy Pistol.

And I'm Nicole Doshi.

And we're shooting for Jerky Yucky. Jerky Yucky!

So tell me, what are we going to do today?

Oh, you're going to be my Mandarin school teacher. And you're going to

teach me Mandarin.

Ooh. How do I say, you look sexy in Mandarin?

You look sexy.

Ni hao, singa.

Ni hao, very good for a start, yes. We're going to have two comedians

feeding us the dialogue that we're going to be saying out loud, leading us into

the sexy.

We don't know what they're going to say. We'll have to improvise.

How do you say fun in Manon?

Gaucho. It's going to be gaucho.

Hi, my name is Sally Mullins, a.k.a.

Jamie Foster.

My name is Oliver Wang aka Bloomer Yang.

My dear Poma.

We are going to do some kind of improv scene.

Oh, that's fun.

I mean, we love to talk and talk and talk.

Not just as mom and son, but also to entertain other people.

Yeah. Oh, today we are actually going to play with Nico Doshi and Tommy Pistol.

Oh, I've always wanted to play with Tommy Pistol, but nobody will put me in

a porn with him.

I will put you in a porn with him. Thank you. Yeah, next one. Everything is

improvised today, so they don't know what they are going to say. So we will

feed them the lines through wireless earpiece.

Nico Doshi.

she's gonna be a Mandarin teacher oh yeah and she's gonna teach Tommy Pistols

some Mandarin so do you know some Mandarin?

I really don't will you teach me some later? yeah what do you want to learn?

like survival language survival language okay like okay how much do you charge

for sex?

oh yeah I can learn the survival language that sounds good

Good afternoon, Tommy.

Did you be my good boy and do my homework?

Well, Tommy, did you be a good boy and do my homework?

I know I should have, but I was actually kind of distracted last night. You know,

I should have, but I actually got distracted last night.

What are you distracted by? Was it some girl?

What did you get distracted by? Some girls?

Not just some girls.

Actually, a very sexy woman.

With amazing teacher skills.

What did she teach you in the dream?

Easy Mandarin?

I love the way you teach me English.

But I also love the way you wear a tube cap as a dress.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, I'm so shy. Actually, I also dreamed about you yesterday, Tommy.

Oh my god.

I'm so shy. I was also dreaming about you yesterday.

Oh, was I in your dream like a horny Freddy Krueger?

Was I in your dream like a horny Freddy Krueger?

Yes, and you fitted me so hard.

Oh, wow.

I would love to learn how to say that in Mandarin and then also learn how to do

it. Let's learn finger, shou zhi.

Let's learn finger, shou

zhi. Shou zhi.

Oh, Nicole, I love the way your dress is ribbed for my pleasure.

And I would love to learn to finger you and teach you

how Americans do it.

Tommy, I have no idea what you said, but my dick is so hard. I have no idea what

you said, but my dick is getting so hard.

Show me how hard you are, Tommy.

I don't want you to think... I'm just some creepy white guy.

You have a fetish for Asian girls.

I just really like you.

But I think you actually have some Asian fetish.

Don't you eat Asian cold chicken every day?

Speaking of eating.

Speaking of eating.

What? Do you want me to eat something?

What? Do you want me to eat something?

I'm going to show you that I do have some oral skills.

And I'm not just talking about in this classroom.

You have to speak some Mandarin to me first before you show me your oral

skills, actually. You have to speak some language to me before you

show me your oral skills.

I'll do whatever it takes.

Together.

Peace.

Now let's say, Ni Hao Piao Liang.

That means you are so pretty.

Okay, now let's say Ni Hao Piao Liang.

That means you are so pretty.

Ni Hao Miao Piao.

You are so pretty.

What a good boy, Tommy.

I'm gonna give you A-plus and tell the principal you are the best student in

our year.

What a good boy, Tommy.

I'm gonna tell principal you're the best boy of the year.

Hi.

It's me, Principal Karen.

What's going on in here?

Oh, I'm just teaching some Chinese. She's teaching me a lot of Mandarin and

more Mandarin.

This is all day Mandarin.

Looks like you're putting the man in Mandarin.

Didn't I tell you that when you have a cute, single, young student, you're

supposed to let...

Principal Karen, no.

Well, you let Principal Karen know because I have to interview them first

and see where their oral skills are at.

You're very cute.

I think I've seen some of your work.

I'd like to see more.

Stop by my office later when you're finished with your lesson, Miss Nicole,

and maybe I'll give you a sniff.

Principal, please don't punish me.

Well, if I do, I'll let him watch.

You guys have fun.

Thank you. Make sure and give us a good yell.

Tommy, I feel like we just did a bad thing. Should we just finish?

Should we pack it? I think your job is safe.

Maybe we should do some job that's not safe.

Like a blowjob?

Like a... Blowjob.

Oh, you know what?

I could do that. I feel safe with you.

Show me your cock, Tommy. Show me your cock, Tommy.

I thought you'd never ask.

I thought you'd never ask.

What'd you say?

I just said, let me... Let me see your big fucking cock. I just said, let me

see your big fucking cock.

I feel like your principal's seen it before.

I think the principal has seen it before.

Well, actually, I got this job because I like Karen Principal's pussy.

I got this job because I like Karen...

Principal's pussy.

That sounds really hot, but I'm all about you right now.

Stop talking.

Are you ready for some wet sports?

I am so damn ready, teacher.

I am so damn ready, teacher. You cannot tell anybody that I suck your big cock.

This is horrific.

You cannot tell anybody I sucked your big cock.

This is our secret.

All right, Nicole, suck it.

So there was this Van Halen song called Hot for Teacher, but I don't know if you

got into it in your country, and I don't care.

So there was this Van Halen song called Hoffer the Teacher, and I don't know if

you ever heard of it or care, but oh my God.

Tell me, have some manner. When a woman gives you a blowjob, shut up your mouth

and just enjoy.

Tell me, have some manner.

If a woman is giving you a blowjob, you should stop talking.

I was just sharing.

Cultural boundaries and...

I mean, I'm a good guy and you give good head.

Oh my god, Tommy.

Your cock reminds me of big Chinese egg roll.

Oh my god, Tommy.

Your cock reminds me of Chinese big egg roll.

Okay.

Cool. Well, you don't remind me of all the other Asian girls I've liked. I

don't have a fetish. I just like you.

Do you want to see my pussy?

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Now you have to say some Mandarin to me. You have to say it.

I'm really learning this way. Why didn't Rosetta Stone think of that?

I'm really learning this way. Why didn't Rosetta Stone think of that?

Those corporate people, they are just boring. They are not slutty like us.

Those corporate people, they're just boring.

They're not slutty like us.

I still want to see that pussy.

Okay, fine.

You didn't need to be any man then.

Your cock is making you feel so good. Okay, I'll show you a pussy.

Okay,

fine.

I will show you my pussy.

As we say in the States, you suck a mean dick.

As we say in the States, you suck a mean dick.

As we say in Asia, when a woman shows her pussy to you, she wants money from

you.

You better bring a red envelope.

I think I paid for a full semester.

But I would love to Netflix and chill later.

But this is some extra activities.

You have to pay extra.

But this is extra.

If I keep doing this, you have to pay extra.

I'm going to get your pussy in my mouth just so I don't have to speak any more

Mandarin for now.

I'm going to put my mouth on your pussy just so I cannot speak Mandarin right

now. That's exactly what they say.

Work smarter, not harder.

That's exactly what I say.

Work smarter, not harder.

Those panties were annoying.

Those panties were annoying.

I bought it on Amazon.

I bought it on Amazon.

Or maybe rots. I don't know. Or maybe rots. I don't know.

Get those legs.

Do you like the smell of my pussy?

Oh, yeah. Or some Chinese shampoo that I got from my mom? Oh, yeah.

Do you like the smell of my pussy?

There's some Chinese shampoo I got from Chinese supermarket.

Is your weirdo principal going to be smelling all this later?

Is your weirdo principal going to be smelling all this later?

Oh yeah, and then... He's also going to put a Chinese egg roll in there.

You've got a sweet, wet, little pussy.

You've got a sweet, wet, little pussy. How do I say that?

You can say... You can say...

Just like honey.

Just like honey.

That sounds so sexy.

That sounds so sexy. But everything sounds sexy.

I'm fingering your sweaty hands.

Sorry, I sound like a pig.

Sorry, I sound like a pig.

It's okay. I like a piggy student.

Oh, yeah, that's okay. I like pig students.

You see, I do yoga every day. Oh, just for this moment.

Do you know that I'm not teaching Mandarin, what I'm doing?

I'm doing yoga every day.

Just to teach you through this semester.

Oh, thank you.

I hope you squirt. I hope you squirt, but no pressure.

I've been dehydrated all day. I've been busy teaching this whole

summer.

I like teaching, or I'm sorry, I like eating teachers' pussies.

I like teaching.

I'm sorry, I mean I like eating teachers' pussies. And do you know what

I like? I like to manipulate my students.

This is the best school in the world.

This is the best school in the world. The only school shootings here are going

to be me.

All my jizz all over your pretty face.

The only school shooting that's going to happen here is going to be me shooting

all over your pretty face.

Show me your firearm.

Show me your firearm.

All low inside of me.

How do you say...

Can you sit on my pole?

I can't believe that you went for a guy like me. I'm such a slow

learner. But I am going to take my time fucking you. Oh no, you're my

eyes. You're the special one.

That's why you get... Special treatment.

Special can mean so many things in America.

Special means so many things in America.

In this classroom, special means... I will put my pussy on your cock.

Oh, okay.

And destroy it.

Oh, I like being teacher's pet.

Oh my God, I like being a teacher's pet.

If you're a pet, where are you? Are you my pet?

Call me a little rescue dog.

Adopt, don't shop.

Adopt, don't shop.

I'm so glad I never got neutered.

I'm so glad I never got neutered.

Do you like how I mow?

Do you like how I mow?

I'm so sad. I'm so sad.

Call me repeat after me.

Okay.

Tommy,

your pronunciation is so slutty. Tommy, your pronunciation is so

slutty. Great, I'm getting fluent in slutty Mandarin.

I'm learning slutty Mandarin.

Learn Mandarin at the same time. Oh, my God. I cannot believe you can learn

Mandarin and fuck me at the same time. You should go to Ivy League school.

Fuck that. Valley College all the way. Fuck that. Valley College all the way.

Why? I can't see a one of those community students.

I cannot believe

those community students are so...

Let's get married, Tommy. Let's get married, Tommy.

As soon as my divorce is final. As soon as my divorce is final.

Oh, my God.

I love your egg roll.

Oh, it's so good.

It's vegan.

Oh.

I love your vegan egg roll. How do you say that in Mandarin?

Oh, well, I need to eat that dress.

I see that contract.

Well, I need a sedentary.

I need a sedentary.

Yeah, very good. Keep saying that.

I need a sedentary.

I need a sedentary.

Why I need a self-trust

How

do you say

get out of my house How

do

you say

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Say it again.

How do

you say, where's my mother?

Yeah,

very good.

Oh my god.

How do you say?

Come on, fuck me.

Oh yeah, how do you say that? You're deep inside of me.

Yes, give it to me.

Say it again, say it again.

The best way to learn Chinese is in bed.

How do you say, pinch me there?

How do you think? I like it.

What I doubt you.

What I doubt you.

Oh, you're very good.

Yeah.

What did you say? What did I say?

You like my feet.

I love your feet. You like the taste of my feet. I love your feet.

Is it better than gombachini?

It's definitely better than gombachini.

I mean, I would starve to death if I didn't eat real food, but this is so

good. My toe tastes better than gombachini.

You should put my whole foot in your mouth.

Yeah. How do I say?

Put whole foot. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher.

Toysetcher. Toysetcher. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher. Toysetcher. Toysetcher. Toysetcher.

Toysetcher.

Toysetcher.

Why share a...

A lot of what she said.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You're my favorite student.

You're my favorite teacher, too.

How do you feel in my mouth?

Too loud.

Where can I come?

Where can I come?

That's a great question. Where can I come?

How do I say where do I come?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I shall watch you, my dear.

Should I go on?

Say it again. Keep reaching.

Should I go on? Give me your cream pudding.

Give me your cream pudding. Yeah, very good.

Give me your cream pudding.

Like milk, silky.

I'm gonna come. How do I say I'm gonna come?

How do you say that?

I

like

this.

I love your white cream.

Thank you.

Thank you. Stay hydrated.

Alright, we need to go back to the homework. Let's do it.

Oh, okay.

Write down everything I teach you today.