All language subtitles for Broad City 504

God, I'm going to go down on a full shoe
set after this.

Yeah,

not bad.

Hola.

Hi. Hello.

Hola. I was just cleaning out my bunion.
I think that's actually a callus, right,

girl? She's staring at me.

It's really good to see you, though. You
too. Man, I love when you come here. Oh,

me too.

Love seeing you.

Oh, my gosh. Hello.

Miss you. You too, baby. Look, I brought
you some hydrangeas from my garden.

Flowers in a vase?

New Jersey hydrangeas. Hello.

Okay, what are you guys up to today?
Because I could really use some help

tackling my ingrowns. It's honestly a
three-person job.

I would love to.

I would. But we're going actually to the
Javis Center to see a big car show.

Here we come.

I'm going to go change.

It's good to chill here.

No peeking, okay?

Johnny,

would you be a pal and towel me up? I'm
a little raw.

Oh, watch out. You've got to use the
tongue so you don't burn yourself.

My feet are raw, girl.

Yikes.

Thank you.

Okay, so how's it freaking going?

Really good. I actually just redid my
kitchen.

But isn't your landlord going to, like,
wreck you for that? Goodbye credit karma

or whatever?

I own my apartment, so I think I'll be
all right.

That is so insane. I forgot slash didn't
really know that was an option. You are

so mature and adult. I love you two
together.

Ooh, and I love that outfit.

Look at you.

Gracias. No, it's just an old
handkerchief I found lying around. That

old thing.

You know, Jaime, I'm like smelling
something funky. I feel like the

apartment smells funkier than usual in
here.

Mi amor, I don't mean to be mean, but I
think it's your disguise.

Okay. Like I can taste it. I'm sorry.
It's okay. And I don't want you guys to

be scared to come back.

My tootsies are going to be fresh to
death by the time you get back if you

choose to come back. Okay.

Give me a squeeze. We're going to go.

Have fun at the show. Mwah.

Mwah.

Mwah. Mwah.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Four and three
and two and one.

Okay, folks, let's talk about this
month's aesthetic.

As you know, the theme is birds.

Again, the window has to be awesome. It
wants to make the customer feel like

they can just walk in and maybe as they
get in here, they might just take

flight. I think we should start with a
huge bird on the back. I think that

could be our feature. And we can just
pull it all. Oh, totally.

I love that idea.

It's timeless.

And then timely, time's up, right?

Anyway, I happen to have an idea for
next month's window display. And I was

like, I should share it. This is like a
cool corporate environment where I

should share my ideas and I get them,
right?

So I've been really inspired lately by
Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue.

It would be like a great way to like
really tribute classic New York City. Ma

'am, where can I find that shirt? Okay,
you can call me ma'am.

And this guy right here is going to be
around the corner at the bottom of the

stairs. But if you hit the vanity made
of vintage teacups, you've gone too far.

Okay, so picture this display, right?
It's a beautiful cityscape made of

instruments.

I think that it would be a really
incredible way to show the melody of the

city. Ma'am, where can I find the smelly
sticks?

You can call me Miss, and you can call
the smelly sticks.

sage smudging ones, and they're going to
be over there in the corner, right next

to the Robin's Nest Caucasian
headdresses.

I would be honored to lead this project.

You're not ready yet.

Just doesn't happen overnight.

Plus, you're an amazing sales associate.
I can't afford to lose you from the

floor.

Okay. Yeah. Okay? Thank you. I'm going
to go sell.

Great sales associate.

Love it. Yes.

Right. As I was saying,

Hey, you. Oh, my God.

Thank God you're here. What is going on
in here? Okay.

A long time ago, I promised Jaime I
would never enter his room. Okay, wait.

Sorry, the whole time that you've lived
here, you've never gone in Jaime's room

before? Correct. He asked me not to, so
I wasn't about to be another greedy-ass

white person who thinks they're owed
dominion over every single brown

person's territory.

Who do you think I am, some sort of
Christina Columbus?

No, no, I don't think that. Okay, but
then today, I smelled and smelled so

bad, it was the stench of death.

And I just had to look in his room.

And that's when I just...

What? Dude, what did you discover?

Okay, I need to warn you. It's really,
really bad. Like, have you ever seen

American Psycho? Yeah.

Or Sicario?

No, I didn't see that. Or Matt Damon try
to talk about sexual assault?

Because this is worse.

Haine is a hoarder.

Alana, I think I found a sword.

Okay, now I know he's crazy. I mean, who
isn't finishing everything bagel with

cream cheese?

Okay, Abby, we don't call people crazy
because it stigmatizes mental illness.

Yeah, okay. Maybe he meant to finish it,
but then it fell behind this tube of

rocks. Oh, my God. But he didn't notice
the smell.

Abby, denial ain't just a river in,
um... He's in denial.

I could not have done this without you.
Thank you so much for leaving work for

this. Yeah, it's not like they even need
me there.

I told Lisa about the window display
idea, and she was like, you're just not

ready. She cannot talk to you like that.
She's not the boss of you. I mean, she

literally is the boss of me. She's my
boss.

Wait, it is, like, so cuckoo that I kept
all my psych textbooks from college.

Like, what?

Oh, my God, hoarding.

Okay.

A person who suffers from hoarding
experiences extreme distress at the

thought of discarding of their valued
items.

Adoy! Got it! Make you buy the book,
duh! We're like, we know.

All right, I'm going to skip ahead to
the treatment section. Okay, let's see

what they have to say, huh?

Treatment. Absolutely never, ever, under
any circumstances, move the hoarder's

possessions without them.

Oh. All right, the matches.

Close enough, right?

So good you took this photo, dude. Oh,
my God, I needed to. My mother lives for

this shit. Whenever she's on a diet and
needs to stop herself from eating, she

just Googles for her photos. Loses her
appetite immediately.

Welcome.

Jaime, Johnny, please take a seat.

Okay.

Hola. Hi.

Wait,

I think I'm going to go.

No, you helped me decorate my whole
office. You don't want to see the magic

happen in it? Okay, listen, I thought
that I could do this, but when my

parents got divorced, I had to go
through a lot of therapy, and this is

actually very triggering for me.

I'm not good with therapy.

Okay. If you stay, you can have some of
the cheese.

Hey Lana, what the hell is going on?

Okay, so before we begin, I want to
assure you, I would never share what

happens in this room with anybody in my
personal life. Is that because most of

the people in your personal life are in
this room right now?

So true.

See, we are already making some
excellent discoveries here. I'm just

going to write that down.

Where'd you get that?

Did you go in my room? I'm sorry, but
this is what I wanted to talk to you

about.

I know that you're a hoarder.

What? I'm sorry, okay? It's okay. We
love you. We love you. And we just want

to help, okay? I had to go in your room
because I smelled what I thought could

only be the stench of death.

But then I later discovered it was an
unfinished everything bagel with cream

cheese, which, no judgment, is way
worse.

What is an unfinished everything bagel?
Right? I am not playing this little

game, okay?

And don't go into my room again. Jaime.
Jaime, wait.

Hold on. Hold on a second.

Come here.

It's going well.

You're using the same cheese grater on
the cheese that you're using on your

feet? Yeah.

Okay, let's dig in. Welcome back.

Okay, but just so you know, it's not
that I'm not feeling mad about you going

into my room. No cool. Very no cool.
Totally not cool. I'm glad that you're

honoring your instincts, and good for
you for setting boundaries. I just want

you to explore your feelings in a
judgment-free zone, okay? This is a safe

space.

Well, not literally safe.

How about we start with looking at the
most common causes of hoarding and see

if you connect with any of them. Now, I
don't want to put words in your mouth,

but hoarding often develops as a coping
mechanism for a feeling of a lack of

control. Does that resonate with you?

Well, obviously, before I became a
citizen, you know, I was always so

anxious about my status.

You know, you feel this lack of control,
very powerless, you know?

That's when it starts to all pile up.
Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm still

feeling very uncomfortable in general,
and I'm also starting to feel ill,

probably because I've been eating cheese
that's mixed in with your heel skin. I'm

so sorry that my emotions are making you
this uncomfortable.

I love you and support you. This is
about Alana's feet.

One moment, please.

Abby, relax. I put the grater in
barbicide after I use it on my feet. Do

you think I'm an idiot?

Barbicide?

Okay, so what I'm sensing is...

that the Horton provides a sense of
comfort in times of stress. It's gotten

a lot worse lately, to be honest. I
don't know why, because I really have

been so happy with you. I know you have,
babe.

You know, I often encounter in my work
people struggling with the duality of

relationships. You know, maybe there's
something about this relationship, even

if it's going dopely, that's causing
anxiety.

I'm sorry, but do I have to go to the
hospital?

Oh, my God. Okay, you are wasting
Jaime's hour, okay? This is so

unprofessional. I'll handle it. Okay.

What if I've ingested...

Mmm. Mmm.

Okay,

dude, just be honest with me. Did I or
did I not eat your foot cheese? What

part of I put the cheese grater in
barbicide before it touches the cheese

do you not understand? And not for
nothing, you're probably lactose

intolerant because you're an Ashkenazi
Jew.

Or maybe you didn't know that. Okay? And
have you never sucked on a couple toes

before? I've sucked on toes. Really?
Yeah. Because you're lucky, girl. A lot

of people pay good money for my foot
shavings. They do?

Oof! Look at these two. Am I good or am
I good?

All right, that is about all the time we
have for this week. Actually, we went a

little bit over, but that's okay.

I want to thank you for making me
confirm my wholeness.

Because it made me see that I was just
putting it as a barrier for the next

step in our relationship.

That's the best thing a therapist could
hear.

Mi amor, I decided to move in with
Johnny in his house in New Jersey.

A house?

Oh, my goodness. No, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where the fuck is the reverse psychology
section?

Where is it?

Hi, mate. I don't like to say crazy, but
you are fucking nuts, okay?

Moving to Jersey? What are you, Bruce
Springsteen? You're like...

I've never done this.

So you don't even know Bruce
Springsteen? Why would you move to

Jersey? Baby, listen, you were right. I
need to stop self-sabotaging myself.

Now I need to take the next step with my
boyfriend.

I'd say one therapy session. Now you're
cured.

Okay, great.

Not a real therapy session.

Please, it wasn't. I'm sorry, it's not.

Classic denial. You are men... hole,
bro.

Can I talk to you for a second? Let me
just talk to you for a second over here.

Okay. If this is about the fucking foot
cheese, I swear to God, Abby. No,

listen, dude. I think you need to take
some of your own advice.

You just told Jaime that his hoarding
problem was due to maybe a lack of

control, right?

Yeah. I feel like that's happening with
you right now. I mean, him moving out is

a huge deal and you're trying to control
him.

You have to let him live his own life.

I said all that, huh?

Yeah, you did.

Hey, you guys.

Fully sorry.

That was stupid.

It's not about me. I am so sorry. It's
all good. You know, this is right for

you guys.

And you know what? I think I've been
scared because I have been feeling like

this was coming.

Well, it's scary for me, too. I haven't
lived without you in such a long time.

But you know what? It's super easy. Just
Montclair. It's like across the pond,

you know?

Wait, where's Montclair?

It's Montclair.

Montclair. So where's Bruce B.C. again?

Yeah, I don't really know his music.

You don't know who the boss is?

No. What does he sound like?

Yeah.

Wow.

Hey, baby.

Great. I now get the vibe. You got it.
Yeah.

I get the vibe.

Hey, Tony.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Am I a good therapist?

Well, I'll tell you this.

No matter how wildly unprofessional you
were, you made the space for Jaime to

talk about his issues.

That's really all you can do as a
therapist, right?

Just make the space.

Yeah. Thank you so much. Oh, yeah. Come
here. Let me show you something. God,

Alana, dude, that's it. What?

Make the space.

I need to make the space an
anthropology.

No one's going to be like, hey, Abby,
you want to do a window display? No, I

got to fucking do it myself.

Yes. Dude, and I can use all this trash
to, like, make this.

Oh, is that Abby?

Oh, you caught it? Sorry, did I say
trash? I meant precious objects.

I can use all these beautiful precious
objects to make the display.

That is it. Yes. This is Kismet. Follow
your third eye.

You're clear.

Right, yeah. Thank you for making me
stay, dude, really. It was worth it.

Even if I had to eat your foot sheet.

It always does.

You gotta let me see my baby boy.

Of course I'm responsible enough to be a
dad.

Christina!

Don't hang up!

No, you're not listening.

You're not listening. Christina!

You're not listening!

You're not listening!

This is incredible!

As per usual, couldn't have done it
without you.

Alana, we gotta go.

We gotta go.

Good morning, bitch.

Jesus. Alana. What?

Yeah, I guess I got carried away.

How do I look? And for perfect.

Okay, a lot of the most important part
is that I made the base of my art.

That's right. No matter what the
outcome, I feel completely at peace.

You mother fuckers. This is insane. You
know what? Zoe, you're the fucking

worst. I dare you to find someone who
can fold a tunic sweater better than me.

Alana, let's go.

Whatever, dude.

They don't deserve you.

That's corporate fashion. Fat.

Cats don't know real art. Yeah, that's
true, but... Get out of here.

Hold up. I'll just take a photo real
quick in front of your masterpiece.

Or your portfolio.

Okay. Come on.

Okay.

Here we go.

Oh, my God!

What? That bastard!

Oh, my God! Alana, what?

Okay, I put a rodent and hoarder trash
in their window.

I think they actually made the right
call.

Damn. First time A and now rap bastard.

Looks like all my roommates are moving
out.

Yo, you know what? It's pretty badass to
be banned from every anthropology in the

country. Like, not many people can say
that.

Yeah, I mean, that is true.

And you know what? Like, make the space
is still, like, exactly what I need

right now.

I just need to get a day job that pays
the bills. And then I can focus on my

artwork in my life. You know, make the
space.

Dude, yes.

I am, like, so inspired by you.

You know, I know I got carried away with
this whole therapist thing, but helping

Jaime with his mental health really
felt, like, right and good.

I think I might want to, like, pursue it
as a career thing.

Like, obviously, in addition to my phone
mix hustle.

Dude, you would be incredible at that.

Are you serious?

Yes, and totally and completely, and
yes. Oh, my mom is going to flip out.

Okay, I think I might start researching
schools to apply to.

Is that crazy?

No, not at all. But listen, you
shouldn't use that word.

My therapist says it stigmatizes mental
illness.

Wait, you have a therapist?

You.

Oh, my God. We might have to stop our
sessions because I can't be in love with

my favorite patient.

Like on the street Secret

garden