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00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:12,910
Happy 30th birthday, Abby.
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00:00:13,510 --> 00:00:17,230
Okay, so today we are walking from
the... Sorry, one second. No, it's
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00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,230
great.
4
00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:22,010
This is going to be the littiest story
ever. Happy 30th birthday, Abby.
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00:00:22,910 --> 00:00:28,070
Okay, so today we are walking from the
tippity top of Manhattan to the tippity
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00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,070
bottom of Manhattan.
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00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:39,030
It's function, baby. It's fashion, baby.
It's fluid, baby.
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00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,170
I gotta fill it up.
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There's nothing in there right now.
10
00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:46,970
Oh, yeah, dude. I am so happy that you
got these. Fill up LEM on a shop-op
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discount.
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00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:52,950
$149 at 80% off, okay? And we're talking
only half a size smaller than the size I
13
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:54,910
actually wear, so work it down.
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00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:57,350
Hold on. Is that the key to my heart?
15
00:00:57,570 --> 00:00:59,330
Yeah, this is the key to your heart.
What's the other one?
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00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:00,590
The key to your ass!
17
00:01:06,810 --> 00:01:08,470
How do you feel, Abby? I feel good.
18
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,360
Beach, how do you feel? I feel great.
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Yes, happy 30th birthday, dog.
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00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:17,340
Whoa, Alana, are you sure those shoes
are okay? Yes.
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Dude, I feel more comfortable in
platform than not.
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Oh, my good God.
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00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,810
I can show you your present right now.
24
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:48,210
Alana, I said no gifts. Okay, but it
happens to already be in your phone, so
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check your text.
26
00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:50,490
What is it?
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00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:52,870
Oh, my God.
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00:01:54,430 --> 00:01:55,830
Alana. What?
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00:02:16,459 --> 00:02:20,100
Oh, my gosh. How long has this been
going on?
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There's never a wish better than this.
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Alana, this is like...
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Yes,
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yes, yes, yes.
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Looks like we made it!
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To Inwood, New York City, baby!
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00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:38,580
Holy shit, there she is, the birthday
girl herself!
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Peeves! Okay, now for opens.
38
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:45,820
Just stop it.
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Stop.
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00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,500
She's speechless.
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Morris Jumel Mansion, baby.
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00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,640
Beside herself.
43
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,820
She's been here.
44
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The whole time. Sitting here.
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00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:09,620
Yeah.
46
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Ow.
47
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,640
Come on.
48
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:15,260
What?
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00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,839
Oh, thank you. It's just this Onion
article.
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00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:19,279
It's dragging me out, man.
51
00:04:19,620 --> 00:04:20,620
That's the Times.
52
00:04:28,190 --> 00:04:31,210
Wow. She has been practicing all season
for this moment.
53
00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:37,650
Wow, since her recovery, I'm shocked at
the elegance that she's bringing. No
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00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,870
parents. Her parents divorced her and
gave her over to coaches.
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00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:42,990
She and her coach have had a sexual
relationship for many years.
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00:04:43,210 --> 00:04:44,750
Let's see if she can nail the triple
axel.
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00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:08,890
No, Alana, no. Come on, she's black.
She's saying it. I just don't think that
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00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:09,890
you should. One break.
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00:05:12,090 --> 00:05:16,730
Thank you so much.
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00:05:18,770 --> 00:05:20,550
Beautiful. It's very long.
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00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:26,970
You know what it is? A touch of cultural
appropriation sheds light on the matter.
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,280
You feel different. You look younger,
actually.
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00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,860
Dude, I feel fine. I don't know.
Whatever.
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00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:51,280
No, no, no, no. You are a mazing, fully
a mazing insano phenomenon.
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00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:55,880
Come on. You have two really nice
parents and a great apartment. Yeah, no.
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00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,340
I don't know.
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00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,800
I guess I thought I'd be, like, married
with kids by now.
68
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,660
I guess it's good I have the job in
anthropology.
69
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,800
Yes, because you know what? If you had
kids, they'd leave you after 18 years,
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00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:10,860
but anthropology...
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You might work there forever.
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I mean, I hope not.
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I mean, too.
74
00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:18,850
You're not going to work there forever,
but you could if you wanted to because
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00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:22,290
you're so good at your work, but you're
surely going to become a famous artist,
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00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,710
so it's not even an issue. Okay, let's
just keep going.
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00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:25,910
Yeah.
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00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:31,530
Damn.
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00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:37,810
Dude, stop filming. I'm sorry. I have to
record that. Abby just...
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Got clotheslined by a metal pole in the
middle of the street.
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Whoa!
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00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:43,790
Alana! Oh, my God!
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Alana! Ow!
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00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,630
Are you okay?
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00:07:23,470 --> 00:07:25,030
Dude, we gotta go to a doctor.
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00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:26,349
I'm fine.
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Plus, we gotta walk the rest of
Manhattan.
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Okay,
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aisle four.
90
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,490
Hell yeah.
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A lunch.
92
00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:42,470
Oh, my God.
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00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:44,990
I miss school only for the supplies.
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00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:47,410
Lisa Frank Beach?
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Mogul Beach?
96
00:07:48,970 --> 00:07:49,970
Empire Beach?
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School supplies.
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00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,000
These are good ones.
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00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,180
These are good markers.
100
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:40,340
Well, for your lovely feet, I'm thinking
we should definitely get you in some
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little more comfy.
102
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:45,260
I think you need something definitely
with arch support, cushioning, something
103
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that's breathable.
104
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,240
You got it. Hi, thank you so much.
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00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:58,560
I can't, like, lean. You know how
they're always, like, lean and then they
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00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,080
lean? Ah, yeah, I can't do it.
107
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,020
How many layers of irony can we go?
108
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,420
Skechers is selling ugly Skechers.
109
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:12,780
Please.
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00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,860
All right, dude, what are we even doing?
Are these comfortable or what?
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00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,060
Yeah, no, they're good.
112
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,280
They're good!
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Oh!
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Oh!
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00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:35,180
Wowie, wowie, what a steal.
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I'm buying these for you.
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What? No. Happy my birthday.
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I couldn't wait.
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00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:49,140
If you open up a Fashion Kicks credit
card, these will be $9.99.
120
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:50,980
Please do not film me.
121
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:55,180
But adults do have more than one credit
card. I should get another credit card.
122
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,780
I should get it. It's not nuts for me to
get another credit card.
123
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:01,480
Okay.
124
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:05,360
You know, just do it. I'm just like,
you'll pay it. You tell dad.
125
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:15,610
And then I'll get the funds from my bank
account. That'll be sent to you somehow.
126
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,150
I have two credit cards.
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00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:30,590
Abby Gary Anna Abrams.
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00:10:31,370 --> 00:10:32,810
One of you. Abby, then Gary.
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00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:37,250
Joel, Abby, credit card information. And
I think I know the loser from high
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00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:40,910
school that it is, and his name rhymes,
with Schnicklaus Spaley, okay?
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00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,270
Same thing did happen to Obama, though,
so it's kind of hot.
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00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:45,810
Alana.
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00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:47,390
Alana.
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00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:56,070
Is he
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00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:59,950
close by?
136
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:10,950
Okay, if any of my 213 followers is in
the Midtown Mall, we just found a dope
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00:11:10,950 --> 00:11:14,170
little girl, and her parents aren't
here, but she's fine. She's with us, but
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00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,170
what's your name?
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00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:16,490
Madonna.
140
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,170
Madonna. That's gorgeous.
141
00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:22,070
Madonna, Rihanna, Alana, Godonna.
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00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,650
Wow. Dude, that's good.
143
00:11:43,090 --> 00:11:44,970
So we're going to security.
144
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:49,690
But we're riding the escalator, which is
more fun, and it gives us more time with
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00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:50,690
Kadana.
146
00:11:51,350 --> 00:11:53,370
Totally, dude. No, I mean, it's insane.
147
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:56,550
Like, what, she's two?
148
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:58,110
I'm 30?
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00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:01,470
I mean, I could literally be her mom.
150
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:06,590
I mean, if I was just walking around the
mall by myself, and people saw me
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00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:08,910
shopping with her, they'd be like,
that's a mom and her kid.
152
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:10,459
I'm crazy.
153
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:11,460
Me?
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00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,820
I'm crazy now.
155
00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:14,060
No.
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00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,320
She not.
157
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,240
Mommy, mommy, mommy.
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00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:25,620
Oh, Madonna, you have taught us so much.
159
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:27,280
Yeah, we're really going to miss you.
160
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,040
Okay, maybe we can just do like a double
cheek kiss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double
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00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,120
cheek kiss. Ready?
162
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,260
Excuse me.
163
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,720
What the f*** are you doing with my
child?
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00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,000
Mommy? Abby?
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00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,140
College Abby.
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00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:51,320
Did you take Bella? No, we didn't take
her. She was clearly stranded.
167
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,780
You should keep better track of your
kids.
168
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,200
Oh, grow up, Abby. We're 30.
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00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:58,120
Why the fuck are you filming her?
170
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:02,220
Bitch!
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00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:07,980
Fucking bitch!
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00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:44,380
her name is listen all this girl wanted
to do in college was like ecstasy and
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00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:47,980
take group showers ones that i never
even wanted to be a part of by the way
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00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,720
even if she would have asked me i would
have never done it yeah and now she has
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00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,960
a bunch of kids and she thinks she's
better than me now
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00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:23,170
Amazing grace,
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00:14:23,890 --> 00:14:30,090
how sweet the sound
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00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:36,870
that saved a wretch.
179
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,790
What is this?
180
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,530
What's up, Bubby?
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00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:52,860
Let's do this quick before she gets
back.
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00:14:56,700 --> 00:15:00,280
Happy birthday, Abby. I hope you have
the most amazing one. I love you so
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00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:04,920
much. I hope the 30s are everything you
expect them to be. And I'm really happy
184
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,120
it's happening to you before me.
185
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,280
You are older than me. That's why I say
this.
186
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,800
God, dude, I remember my 30s. All I had
was a beeper, a freaking beeper. Nobody
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00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,760
had freaking cell phones every two
minutes checking your phone.
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00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,160
I'm so happy I didn't grow up. Cheers,
Abby.
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00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:25,160
Happy birthday. I'm so excited to
celebrate this momentous occasion with
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00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,260
you. I feel like this is your year, so
you need to do something with it.
191
00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:40,820
If I know my baby's poop schedule, she
is just about finished.
192
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,020
Look at this. How cute is this?
193
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,100
Thank you guys so much for all the sweet
messages.
194
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,260
I also saw the new butt video.
195
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,760
Okay, the lady does not protest, though.
196
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,240
They're good pants for the butt. Really
good.
197
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,900
It's crazy we never walked across the
Brooklyn Bridge together.
198
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,200
One day.
199
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:34,480
Dude, this is where the Titanic docked.
Are you joking?
200
00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:41,040
I wasn't. I see now. I mean, I just saw
the movie. I just didn't remember.
201
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,360
It was harsh.
202
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,140
Oh, I love you.
203
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,200
Holy shit.
204
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:01,690
Where's my phone? Oh, yeah.
205
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:11,589
You see?
206
00:17:12,069 --> 00:17:13,069
Yeah, I see.
207
00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:15,410
Good.
208
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:18,970
Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it!
209
00:17:19,550 --> 00:17:20,550
Yeah!
210
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,800
We did it. We did it. We walked all of
Manhattan from the tippity-top to the
211
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,600
tippity-bop. Okay, Abby. So, what's one
thing you did last year that you forgot?
212
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:05,300
What the f***? Dude, are you kidding me?
If you think that I am cuckoo caca
213
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,780
insano, then say it to my face.
214
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,620
You're cuckoo caca insano.
215
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:14,740
Wait a second. Did you follow us down
here? Yeah. How? You posted your
216
00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:15,740
location tag.
217
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,580
Sorry. Running around the city with your
little...
218
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:24,010
foibles and your little mishaps and your
little shenanigans. Get over yourself.
219
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,730
Oh, I'm over myself.
220
00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:26,729
She hates herself.
221
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:30,170
You're the one with the perfect f***ing
life. You're always posting photos of
222
00:18:30,170 --> 00:18:33,650
yourself on vacation, on beaches and
stuff. You're rich. And you're always at
223
00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:36,750
cupcake and pizza parties. I never get
to eat that stuff, especially not in
224
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,050
party format.
225
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:42,950
And excuse me, four children and you
look like this? You look unbelievable.
226
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:45,350
Yeah. You are literally woman magic.
227
00:18:45,670 --> 00:18:46,890
So f*** you.
228
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,280
Thank you.
229
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:55,380
But, no, no, I... I'm struggling.
230
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,980
My tits are down to my knees. I sleep
like 90 minutes a night.
231
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,020
I am floundering.
232
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,200
Okay, okay, okay.
233
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:07,420
You're cheese.
234
00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:12,260
You'll always be cheese to me and me,
because I don't know your government
235
00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:13,760
name. It's Lindsay.
236
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:15,180
Oh, my God, right.
237
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:16,600
Thank you, you guys.
238
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,500
Social media is terrible.
239
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,700
I gotta go.
240
00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:28,040
And we could hang out, guys. Yeah, I'm
sorry. But next time.
241
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:31,300
Jackson, get back in the car!
242
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:33,580
That sucks.
243
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,760
To be her. Or Jackson.
244
00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:38,620
Okay, let's just be the damage.
245
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:44,900
Dude! You know what? It was already on
its way, but... No, it's, um... Okay,
246
00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:46,200
it's not that bad. Look at your finger!
247
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,380
gorgeous jesus dude we don't have a
phone we don't have we can't record this
248
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:09,000
no one's gonna believe that we even saw
this i mean i think it's just
249
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,780
Can you believe her? Looks pretty
perfect. You know what, dude? I think I
250
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:35,480
need to get off social media.
251
00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:37,460
It's over between us.
252
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:44,660
Okay. Okay. Dude, me too. Me too, dude,
because I don't really remember any
253
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:48,760
of the day. Yeah, I mean, shit.
254
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:55,480
It feels like because we were filming
it, it's not even our story anymore.
255
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,860
It's like Dorian.
256
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:16,580
to sort of be like um piratey show me
that toward your put your face toward me
257
00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:22,520
wide eye a little smile in the eye only
not in the mouth in the eye
18463
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