Original subtitles

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW. UH, MY NAME

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW. UH, MY NAME

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW. UH, MY NAME IS JON STEWART. GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

IS JON STEWART. GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

IS JON STEWART. GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. Later on, we're going to be

TONIGHT. Later on, we're going to be

TONIGHT. Later on, we're going to be joined by the unbelievably amazing

joined by the unbelievably amazing

joined by the unbelievably amazing director Christopher Nolan is going TO

director Christopher Nolan is going TO

director Christopher Nolan is going TO BE JOINING US.

BE JOINING US.

BE JOINING US. >> [cheering]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> CHRISTOPHER NOLAN IS GOING TO BE JOINING

>> CHRISTOPHER NOLAN IS GOING TO BE JOINING

>> CHRISTOPHER NOLAN IS GOING TO BE JOINING US.

US.

US. UH, UH,

UH, UH,

UH, UH, MOVIE OUT CALLED THE ODYSSEY.

BASED ON THE UH, VIDEO console from the

BASED ON THE UH, VIDEO console from the

BASED ON THE UH, VIDEO console from the 1970s. It's

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> It's all about pong.

>> It's all about pong.

>> It's all about pong. Uh,

Uh,

Uh, but first obviously big news from the

but first obviously big news from the

but first obviously big news from the weekend, the sudden passing of Senator

weekend, the sudden passing of Senator

weekend, the sudden passing of Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina.

Lindsey Graham of South Carolina.

Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Obviously,

Obviously,

Obviously, uh, I knew him a bit from lobbying down

uh, I knew him a bit from lobbying down

uh, I knew him a bit from lobbying down at Capitol Hill, but uh, I didn't know

at Capitol Hill, but uh, I didn't know

at Capitol Hill, but uh, I didn't know him

him

him particularly well.

particularly well.

particularly well. So, I'll let Lindsey Graham's best

So, I'll let Lindsey Graham's best

So, I'll let Lindsey Graham's best friend

friend

friend memorialize

memorialize

memorialize the late senator.

the late senator.

the late senator. >> Joining us now by phone is

>> Joining us now by phone is

>> Joining us now by phone is one of his best friends, President

one of his best friends, President

one of his best friends, President Donald Trump. I know you lost one of

Donald Trump. I know you lost one of

Donald Trump. I know you lost one of your closest friends and an ally

your closest friends and an ally

your closest friends and an ally in the Senate. Um,

in the Senate. Um,

in the Senate. Um, how are you feeling?

how are you feeling?

how are you feeling? >> Well, I don't feel great. He was a great

>> Well, I don't feel great. He was a great

>> Well, I don't feel great. He was a great guy and he was a friend. He would call

guy and he was a friend. He would call

guy and he was a friend. He would call me all the time. He would just as I'd

me all the time. He would just as I'd

me all the time. He would just as I'd say, "Stop calling me, Lindsey."

>> [laughter]

[laughter]

>> I'll never forget

>> I'll never forget

>> I'll never forget the way that I always

the way that I always

the way that I always let him go to voicemail. It was our

It was our thing.

It was our thing.

It was our thing. >> [laughter]

>> Obviously, he's just opening the eulogy

>> Obviously, he's just opening the eulogy

>> Obviously, he's just opening the eulogy on a lighthearted note.

on a lighthearted note.

on a lighthearted note. Sure the poignancy follows.

Sure the poignancy follows.

Sure the poignancy follows. >> Loved playing golf. Loved being outside.

>> Loved playing golf. Loved being outside.

>> Loved playing golf. Loved being outside. It wasn't that he was a great striker of

It wasn't that he was a great striker of

It wasn't that he was a great striker of the ball. It wasn't It wasn't exactly a

the ball. It wasn't It wasn't exactly a

the ball. It wasn't It wasn't exactly a perfect He wasn't Jack Nicklaus. He was

perfect He wasn't Jack Nicklaus. He was

perfect He wasn't Jack Nicklaus. He was not Tiger. He was totally against me. He

not Tiger. He was totally against me. He

not Tiger. He was totally against me. He said, "I'll get you in South Carolina.

said, "I'll get you in South Carolina.

said, "I'll get you in South Carolina. I'm going to get you in South Carolina.

I'm going to get you in South Carolina.

I'm going to get you in South Carolina. That didn't work out too well. It was a

That didn't work out too well. It was a

That didn't work out too well. It was a nasty campaign. He was tough and nasty.

nasty campaign. He was tough and nasty.

nasty campaign. He was tough and nasty. I wanted to see the war with Ukraine end

I wanted to see the war with Ukraine end

I wanted to see the war with Ukraine end uh very quickly. I think he was more

uh very quickly. I think he was more

uh very quickly. I think he was more into, you know, keeping it going.

into, you know, keeping it going.

into, you know, keeping it going. Frankly, he was a total workaholic

Frankly, he was a total workaholic

Frankly, he was a total workaholic politician. Now, some people don't call

politician. Now, some people don't call

politician. Now, some people don't call that work. Some people would call that a

that work. Some people would call that a

that work. Some people would call that a lot of talking.

lot of talking.

lot of talking. >> [laughter]

[laughter]

>> Well, I

>> Well, I

>> Well, I I think the president has zoomed through

I think the president has zoomed through

I think the president has zoomed through the first five STAGES OF GRIEF

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> AND GONE STRAIGHT TO NUMBER SIX, THAT

>> AND GONE STRAIGHT TO NUMBER SIX, THAT

>> AND GONE STRAIGHT TO NUMBER SIX, THAT GUY.

GUY.

GUY. >> [cheering]

>> BY THE WAY, IT TAKES A LOT OF BALLS FOR

>> BY THE WAY, IT TAKES A LOT OF BALLS FOR

>> BY THE WAY, IT TAKES A LOT OF BALLS FOR DONALD TRUMP TO GENTLY roast someone for

DONALD TRUMP TO GENTLY roast someone for

DONALD TRUMP TO GENTLY roast someone for yapping too much.

yapping too much.

yapping too much. He's the one who toasted his friend on

He's the one who toasted his friend on

He's the one who toasted his friend on Meet the Press, CNN State of the Union,

Meet the Press, CNN State of the Union,

Meet the Press, CNN State of the Union, Fox and Friends. Trump was everywhere

Fox and Friends. Trump was everywhere

Fox and Friends. Trump was everywhere remembering Lindsey Graham even when the

remembering Lindsey Graham even when the

remembering Lindsey Graham even when the host of the show appeared to not want

host of the show appeared to not want

host of the show appeared to not want him to.

him to.

him to. >> These people suffer from a very fine

>> These people suffer from a very fine

>> These people suffer from a very fine disease known as Trump Derangement

disease known as Trump Derangement

disease known as Trump Derangement Syndrome and

Syndrome and

Syndrome and he was saying that and

he was saying that and

he was saying that and >> Mr. President, did you notice any

>> Mr. President, did you notice any

>> Mr. President, did you notice any >> come a long way on this on the

>> come a long way on this on the

>> come a long way on this on the terminating the filibuster with

terminating the filibuster with

terminating the filibuster with >> Mr. President, did you notice any Did

>> Mr. President, did you notice any Did

>> Mr. President, did you notice any Did you notice anything different

you notice anything different

you notice anything different >> on millions and millions of balances

>> on millions and millions of balances

>> on millions and millions of balances impossible.

impossible.

impossible. >> Right.

>> Right.

>> Right. >> They didn't know in 2 weeks they they

>> They didn't know in 2 weeks they they

>> They didn't know in 2 weeks they they let it be known an hour later.

let it be known an hour later.

let it be known an hour later. >> So, Mr. So, Mr. President, real quickly,

>> So, Mr. So, Mr. President, real quickly,

>> So, Mr. So, Mr. President, real quickly, did you notice

did you notice

did you notice anything different from Lindsey

anything different from Lindsey

anything different from Lindsey on the phone?

on the phone?

on the phone? >> These elections are very dishonest and

>> These elections are very dishonest and

>> These elections are very dishonest and you

>> Although, I'M I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT,

>> Although, I'M I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT,

>> Although, I'M I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT, THE TV STATION'S GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL.

BUT, OF COURSE, EVEN HIS BEST FRIEND

BUT, OF COURSE, EVEN HIS BEST FRIEND

BUT, OF COURSE, EVEN HIS BEST FRIEND DONALD TRUMP HAD TO concede that Senator

DONALD TRUMP HAD TO concede that Senator

DONALD TRUMP HAD TO concede that Senator Graham's career did have a bad moment.

Graham's career did have a bad moment.

Graham's career did have a bad moment. >> Now, he had one bad moment, and that

>> Now, he had one bad moment, and that

>> Now, he had one bad moment, and that was, you know, in the January 6th thing

was, you know, in the January 6th thing

was, you know, in the January 6th thing when he stood up, "All right, now I've

when he stood up, "All right, now I've

when he stood up, "All right, now I've had it. That's it. I can't do it

had it. That's it. I can't do it

had it. That's it. I can't do it anymore." So, I give him a 99 instead of

anymore." So, I give him a 99 instead of

anymore." So, I give him a 99 instead of a 100, you know. Most people were A lot

a 100, you know. Most people were A lot

a 100, you know. Most people were A lot of people were at 100, but he did have

of people were at 100, but he did have

of people were at 100, but he did have that one little moment.

that one little moment.

that one little moment. >> You know,

my favorite part of any eulogy

my favorite part of any eulogy

my favorite part of any eulogy is when they announce the person's life

is when they announce the person's life

is when they announce the person's life score.

>> [laughter]

>> I'm doing the EULOGY LIKE IT'S PORTNOY

>> I'm doing the EULOGY LIKE IT'S PORTNOY

>> I'm doing the EULOGY LIKE IT'S PORTNOY DOING A PIZZA REVIEW.

YEAH, GRAHAM HAD A GOOD UNDERCARRIAGE,

YEAH, GRAHAM HAD A GOOD UNDERCARRIAGE,

YEAH, GRAHAM HAD A GOOD UNDERCARRIAGE, GOOD MOUTHFEEL. YEAH, YEAH.

GOOD MOUTHFEEL. YEAH, YEAH.

GOOD MOUTHFEEL. YEAH, YEAH. WHAT? I'M DOING A SCORE, LIFE SCORE. I'M

WHAT? I'M DOING A SCORE, LIFE SCORE. I'M

WHAT? I'M DOING A SCORE, LIFE SCORE. I'M DOING A LIFE SCORE OVER HERE.

DOING A LIFE SCORE OVER HERE.

DOING A LIFE SCORE OVER HERE. ANYWAY, 8.2. I'm going to give him an

ANYWAY, 8.2. I'm going to give him an

ANYWAY, 8.2. I'm going to give him an 8.2, solid score. Eight If he had let

8.2, solid score. Eight If he had let

8.2, solid score. Eight If he had let THE PEOPLE KILL HIM ON JANUARY 6TH, 9.2,

THE PEOPLE KILL HIM ON JANUARY 6TH, 9.2,

THE PEOPLE KILL HIM ON JANUARY 6TH, 9.2, MONSTER SCORE.

MONSTER SCORE.

MONSTER SCORE. I'D GIVE HIM A monster score.

I'D GIVE HIM A monster score.

I'D GIVE HIM A monster score. Now, before Graham passed, he was not

Now, before Graham passed, he was not

Now, before Graham passed, he was not feeling well.

feeling well.

feeling well. And was kind of joking about how he

And was kind of joking about how he

And was kind of joking about how he didn't have time to die.

didn't have time to die.

didn't have time to die. >> Axios reported that several hours before

>> Axios reported that several hours before

>> Axios reported that several hours before his death, Senator Graham complained of

his death, Senator Graham complained of

his death, Senator Graham complained of feeling unwell and said, "I I can't die

feeling unwell and said, "I I can't die

feeling unwell and said, "I I can't die now. I still need to do the Russia

now. I still need to do the Russia

now. I still need to do the Russia sanctions, get Iran sorted out, and do

sanctions, get Iran sorted out, and do

sanctions, get Iran sorted out, and do Israeli-Saudi normalization."

Israeli-Saudi normalization."

Israeli-Saudi normalization." He passed away a short time later.

He passed away a short time later.

He passed away a short time later. >> Holy [\h__\h]

>> Holy [\h__\h]

>> Holy [\h__\h] Middle East peace

Middle East peace

Middle East peace is about as ambitious as a bucket list

is about as ambitious as a bucket list

is about as ambitious as a bucket list item can get.

item can get.

item can get. I want to bring Israel back into the

I want to bring Israel back into the

I want to bring Israel back into the family of nations and GO WHALE WATCHING.

family of nations and GO WHALE WATCHING.

family of nations and GO WHALE WATCHING. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> BUT LET THIS EPISODE be a lesson,

>> BUT LET THIS EPISODE be a lesson,

>> BUT LET THIS EPISODE be a lesson, people. Write it down.

people. Write it down.

people. Write it down. Write your last wishes down.

Write your last wishes down.

Write your last wishes down. Write what you want to accomplish in

Write what you want to accomplish in

Write what you want to accomplish in your name down because Donald Trump had

your name down because Donald Trump had

your name down because Donald Trump had a very different interpretation of

a very different interpretation of

a very different interpretation of Lindsey's last wishes.

Lindsey's last wishes.

Lindsey's last wishes. >> He was pushing the Save America Act like

>> He was pushing the Save America Act like

>> He was pushing the Save America Act like crazy. This is a big um this is a big

crazy. This is a big um this is a big

crazy. This is a big um this is a big blow to the Save America Act, let me

blow to the Save America Act, let me

blow to the Save America Act, let me tell you.

tell you.

tell you. >> And then

>> And then

>> And then Lindsey said to me, his voice

Lindsey said to me, his voice

Lindsey said to me, his voice weakening

weakening

weakening barely a whisper.

barely a whisper.

barely a whisper. He said to me

He said to me

He said to me Donald

Donald

Donald when I die

when I die

when I die float my body down the crystal clear

float my body down the crystal clear

float my body down the crystal clear reflecting pool water.

>> [cheering and applause]

>> So

so that I may lie in state

so that I may lie in state

so that I may lie in state in your completed ballroom.

in your completed ballroom.

in your completed ballroom. I SAID, "LINDSEY, DON'T DON'T SAVE YOUR

I SAID, "LINDSEY, DON'T DON'T SAVE YOUR

I SAID, "LINDSEY, DON'T DON'T SAVE YOUR STRENGTH, LINDSEY." HE SAID, "NO, NO,

STRENGTH, LINDSEY." HE SAID, "NO, NO,

STRENGTH, LINDSEY." HE SAID, "NO, NO, NO.

NO.

NO. ONE MORE thing

ONE MORE thing

ONE MORE thing I want, before I leave this mortal coil

I want, before I leave this mortal coil

I want, before I leave this mortal coil for them to PUT YOUR NAME BACK ON

for them to PUT YOUR NAME BACK ON

for them to PUT YOUR NAME BACK ON THE KENNEDY POOL."

NO!

NO!

NO! BUT

BUT

BUT >> [applause]

>> NOW, A LOT OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING, AS I

>> NOW, A LOT OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING, AS I

>> NOW, A LOT OF YOU MAY BE WONDERING, AS I was

how the [\h__\h]

how the [\h__\h]

how the [\h__\h] did Lindsey Graham

did Lindsey Graham

did Lindsey Graham die BEFORE MITCH MCCONNELL?

>> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> HOW

>> HOW

>> HOW THE

THE

THE >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> IS THAT POSSIBLE?

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> It's It's HARD TO BELIEVE.

>> It's It's HARD TO BELIEVE.

>> It's It's HARD TO BELIEVE. MCCONNELL WAS THE ONE WHO SPENT A LOT OF

MCCONNELL WAS THE ONE WHO SPENT A LOT OF

MCCONNELL WAS THE ONE WHO SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN AND out of hospitals since his

TIME IN AND out of hospitals since his

TIME IN AND out of hospitals since his Capitol Hill buffering episodes.

Capitol Hill buffering episodes.

Capitol Hill buffering episodes. McConnell was the one who suddenly

McConnell was the one who suddenly

McConnell was the one who suddenly disappeared for a month and nobody heard

disappeared for a month and nobody heard

disappeared for a month and nobody heard from him to the point where the The of

from him to the point where the The of

from him to the point where the The of his own state was asking for proof of

his own state was asking for proof of

his own state was asking for proof of life.

life.

life. Which coincidentally, we got yesterday.

Which coincidentally, we got yesterday.

Which coincidentally, we got yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you totally believable evidence

totally believable evidence

totally believable evidence that Mitch McConnell IS NOT ONLY ALIVE,

that Mitch McConnell IS NOT ONLY ALIVE,

that Mitch McConnell IS NOT ONLY ALIVE, BUT THE HAPPIEST BOY IN the hospital.

BUT THE HAPPIEST BOY IN the hospital.

BUT THE HAPPIEST BOY IN the hospital. >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> He's the happiest BOY IN THE HOSPITAL.

THAT'S THE SMILE OF A MAKE-A-WISH kid

THAT'S THE SMILE OF A MAKE-A-WISH kid

THAT'S THE SMILE OF A MAKE-A-WISH kid whose wish WAS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE

whose wish WAS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE

whose wish WAS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IN THE HOSPITAL LOST THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE DUE

HOSPITAL LOST THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE DUE

HOSPITAL LOST THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE DUE TO HIS [\h__\h] POLICIES.

TO HIS [\h__\h] POLICIES.

TO HIS [\h__\h] POLICIES. AND AFTER [screaming] THAT,

AND AFTER [screaming] THAT,

AND AFTER [screaming] THAT, >> [applause]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> AND AFTER THAT, OF COURSE, MITCH AND HIS

>> AND AFTER THAT, OF COURSE, MITCH AND HIS

>> AND AFTER THAT, OF COURSE, MITCH AND HIS WIFE released even more photos. Here

WIFE released even more photos. Here

WIFE released even more photos. Here they are at Disney RIDING SPLASH

they are at Disney RIDING SPLASH

they are at Disney RIDING SPLASH MOUNTAIN.

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> THEN APPARENTLY, they climbed the spire

>> THEN APPARENTLY, they climbed the spire

>> THEN APPARENTLY, they climbed the spire of the Empire State Building and then

of the Empire State Building and then

of the Empire State Building and then they dove.

they dove.

they dove. And then, let's say he went to a World

And then, let's say he went to a World

And then, let's say he went to a World Cup game.

Cup game.

Cup game. >> [cheering]

[laughter]

>> Might not be out of the woods yet.

>> Might not be out of the woods yet.

>> Might not be out of the woods yet. Regardless, McConnell is still here.

Regardless, McConnell is still here.

Regardless, McConnell is still here. And Graham's gone.

And Graham's gone.

And Graham's gone. And so, it was time for the media to

And so, it was time for the media to

And so, it was time for the media to discuss Graham's legacy.

discuss Graham's legacy.

discuss Graham's legacy. For like a couple of minutes.

For like a couple of minutes.

For like a couple of minutes. >> You know, this is this is so tough for

>> You know, this is this is so tough for

>> You know, this is this is so tough for you and for so many there on Capitol

you and for so many there on Capitol

you and for so many there on Capitol Hill because it really was so sudden. No

Hill because it really was so sudden. No

Hill because it really was so sudden. No one was expecting this. We have to turn

one was expecting this. We have to turn

one was expecting this. We have to turn to the crude numbers of it all, right?

to the crude numbers of it all, right?

to the crude numbers of it all, right? Todd Blanche's path to getting confirmed

Todd Blanche's path to getting confirmed

Todd Blanche's path to getting confirmed as attorney general just got a whole lot

as attorney general just got a whole lot

as attorney general just got a whole lot more complicated. So, unfortunately,

more complicated. So, unfortunately,

more complicated. So, unfortunately, your majority now down to 52

your majority now down to 52

your majority now down to 52 >> Mitch McConnell's continued absence now

>> Mitch McConnell's continued absence now

>> Mitch McConnell's continued absence now leaving Republicans with just 51

leaving Republicans with just 51

leaving Republicans with just 51 senators. If Collins votes against,

senators. If Collins votes against,

senators. If Collins votes against, you're down to 50. The Vice President

you're down to 50. The Vice President

you're down to 50. The Vice President breaks the tie. But what if it's Collins

breaks the tie. But what if it's Collins

breaks the tie. But what if it's Collins and Murkowski?

and Murkowski?

and Murkowski? >> Republicans were already struggling with

>> Republicans were already struggling with

>> Republicans were already struggling with the the numbers. Add in Lindsey Graham

the the numbers. Add in Lindsey Graham

the the numbers. Add in Lindsey Graham now being off the table.

>> I'm sorry, off the table?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have a winner

I believe we have a winner

I believe we have a winner for worst dying euphemism yet.

for worst dying euphemism yet.

for worst dying euphemism yet. OFF THE TABLE. WHERE'S OLD YELLER? OH,

OFF THE TABLE. WHERE'S OLD YELLER? OH,

OFF THE TABLE. WHERE'S OLD YELLER? OH, DON'T WORRY, TIMMY. We just had to

DON'T WORRY, TIMMY. We just had to

DON'T WORRY, TIMMY. We just had to take him off the table.

take him off the table.

take him off the table. Although I guess the numbers have been

Although I guess the numbers have been

Although I guess the numbers have been pretty tight in the Congress for a while

pretty tight in the Congress for a while

pretty tight in the Congress for a while now. I wonder why that is.

now. I wonder why that is.

now. I wonder why that is. >> The current Congress is the third oldest

>> The current Congress is the third oldest

>> The current Congress is the third oldest in US history with the average age of

in US history with the average age of

in US history with the average age of senators nearly 64.

senators nearly 64.

senators nearly 64. >> 131 out of the 530

>> 131 out of the 530

>> 131 out of the 530 >> members of Congress are 70 or older.

>> members of Congress are 70 or older.

>> members of Congress are 70 or older. >> Graham is the sixth member of Congress

>> Graham is the sixth member of Congress

>> Graham is the sixth member of Congress to die this term.

to die this term.

to die this term. >> WHAT THE [\h__\h]

THIS TERM?

THIS TERM?

THIS TERM? HE'S THE sixth member of Congress to die

HE'S THE sixth member of Congress to die

HE'S THE sixth member of Congress to die this term?

this term?

this term? Six? If this WERE ANY OTHER BUSINESS,

Six? If this WERE ANY OTHER BUSINESS,

Six? If this WERE ANY OTHER BUSINESS, THEY'D SHUT IT DOWN

THEY'D SHUT IT DOWN

THEY'D SHUT IT DOWN TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE [\h__\h] IS GOING ON.

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE [\h__\h] IS GOING ON.

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE [\h__\h] IS GOING ON. SIX OF THEM HAVE DIED. GAS LEAK? Serial

SIX OF THEM HAVE DIED. GAS LEAK? Serial

SIX OF THEM HAVE DIED. GAS LEAK? Serial killer? SIX OF THEM ARE DEAD.

killer? SIX OF THEM ARE DEAD.

killer? SIX OF THEM ARE DEAD. MY GOD, THOSE ARE PETCO GERBIL NUMBERS.

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> What are they just COMING INTO CONGRESS

>> What are they just COMING INTO CONGRESS

>> What are they just COMING INTO CONGRESS EVERY MORNING WITH A SHOVEL? WHAT THE

EVERY MORNING WITH A SHOVEL? WHAT THE

EVERY MORNING WITH A SHOVEL? WHAT THE [\h__\h] IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?

[\h__\h] IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?

[\h__\h] IS GOING ON DOWN THERE? IT'S NOT LIKE THE JOB IS DANGEROUS.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE JOB IS DANGEROUS.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE JOB IS DANGEROUS. THEY'RE JUST SITTING THERE.

THEY'RE JUST SITTING THERE.

THEY'RE JUST SITTING THERE. THEY'RE NOT FILMING DEADLIEST CATCH. OH,

THEY'RE NOT FILMING DEADLIEST CATCH. OH,

THEY'RE NOT FILMING DEADLIEST CATCH. OH, COME ON.

COME ON.

COME ON. >> [cheering and applause]

>> [cheering and applause]

>> [cheering and applause] >> NO WAY HE'S IN THAT SHOW.

>> NO WAY HE'S IN THAT SHOW.

>> NO WAY HE'S IN THAT SHOW. >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> WOW, HE REALLY IS HEALTHY.

>> WOW, HE REALLY IS HEALTHY.

>> WOW, HE REALLY IS HEALTHY. And not to put too fine a point on it,

And not to put too fine a point on it,

And not to put too fine a point on it, but the last person to speak to Graham

but the last person to speak to Graham

but the last person to speak to Graham is our 80-year-old president. The

is our 80-year-old president. The

is our 80-year-old president. The governor who chooses Graham's

governor who chooses Graham's

governor who chooses Graham's replacement is 79. One of the candidates

replacement is 79. One of the candidates

replacement is 79. One of the candidates being considered is 78, but he backed

being considered is 78, but he backed

being considered is 78, but he backed out cuz he's too important at his

out cuz he's too important at his

out cuz he's too important at his current job in the House of

current job in the House of

current job in the House of Representatives. ALL THE SAME TO TODD

Representatives. ALL THE SAME TO TODD

Representatives. ALL THE SAME TO TODD BLANCHE HEARINGS, which are being co-run

BLANCHE HEARINGS, which are being co-run

BLANCHE HEARINGS, which are being co-run by 92-year-old Chuck Grassley and

by 92-year-old Chuck Grassley and

by 92-year-old Chuck Grassley and whippersnapper Dick Durbin, 81. The

whippersnapper Dick Durbin, 81. The

whippersnapper Dick Durbin, 81. The entire

entire

entire [\h__\h] Congress is falling apart due to

[\h__\h] Congress is falling apart due to

[\h__\h] Congress is falling apart due to A LACK OF NOT JUST political will, but

A LACK OF NOT JUST political will, but

A LACK OF NOT JUST political will, but bone density.

bone density.

bone density. >> 83-year-old Florida Democratic

>> 83-year-old Florida Democratic

>> 83-year-old Florida Democratic congresswoman Frederica Wilson

congresswoman Frederica Wilson

congresswoman Frederica Wilson recovering from an eye surgery.

recovering from an eye surgery.

recovering from an eye surgery. >> 89-year-old Chuck Grassley getting hip

>> 89-year-old Chuck Grassley getting hip

>> 89-year-old Chuck Grassley getting hip replacement.

replacement.

replacement. >> Senator Patrick Leahy a broken hip.

>> Senator Patrick Leahy a broken hip.

>> Senator Patrick Leahy a broken hip. >> Nancy Pelosi hip replacement surgery.

>> Nancy Pelosi hip replacement surgery.

>> Nancy Pelosi hip replacement surgery. >> Steny Hoyer is in the hospital with

>> Steny Hoyer is in the hospital with

>> Steny Hoyer is in the hospital with pneumonia.

pneumonia.

pneumonia. >> Eleanor Holmes Norton is in the early

>> Eleanor Holmes Norton is in the early

>> Eleanor Holmes Norton is in the early stages of dementia.

stages of dementia.

stages of dementia. >> Dwight Evans, who's 71, had a stroke.

>> Dwight Evans, who's 71, had a stroke.

>> Dwight Evans, who's 71, had a stroke. [clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat] >> Bernie Sanders is sidelined by a heart

>> Bernie Sanders is sidelined by a heart

>> Bernie Sanders is sidelined by a heart attack.

attack.

attack. >> Congresswoman Kay Granger lived in an

>> Congresswoman Kay Granger lived in an

>> Congresswoman Kay Granger lived in an assisted living facility for dementia

assisted living facility for dementia

assisted living facility for dementia patients while still serving in Congress

patients while still serving in Congress

patients while still serving in Congress and drawing a congressional paycheck.

and drawing a congressional paycheck.

and drawing a congressional paycheck. >> And all of those, by the way, are the

>> And all of those, by the way, are the

>> And all of those, by the way, are the ones who are still ON THE TABLE.

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> THE WHOLE [\h__\h] PLACE IS A SKYRIZI

>> THE WHOLE [\h__\h] PLACE IS A SKYRIZI

>> THE WHOLE [\h__\h] PLACE IS A SKYRIZI COMMERCIAL.

>> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> FREE SAMPLES. HERE'S SOME FREE SAMPLES,

>> FREE SAMPLES. HERE'S SOME FREE SAMPLES,

>> FREE SAMPLES. HERE'S SOME FREE SAMPLES, by the way.

>> Look,

>> Look,

>> Look, I'm no [\h__\h] prize.

I'm no [\h__\h] prize.

I'm no [\h__\h] prize. I get that people age differently.

Why are we tolerating this level of

Why are we tolerating this level of

Why are we tolerating this level of national frailty in our lawmaking? And

national frailty in our lawmaking? And

national frailty in our lawmaking? And it's not just anti-old people. It's not

it's not just anti-old people. It's not

it's not just anti-old people. It's not disrespect to ask this question. In

disrespect to ask this question. In

disrespect to ask this question. In Japan, they revere the elderly. But the

Japan, they revere the elderly. But the

Japan, they revere the elderly. But the one thing they don't do is put them in

one thing they don't do is put them in

one thing they don't do is put them in charge of everything.

charge of everything.

charge of everything. What's the four argument here?

What's the four argument here?

What's the four argument here? >> Well, age is a relative thing as we all

>> Well, age is a relative thing as we all

>> Well, age is a relative thing as we all know. His experience is an advantage to

know. His experience is an advantage to

know. His experience is an advantage to us and not to be described as a

us and not to be described as a

us and not to be described as a disadvantage.

disadvantage.

disadvantage. >> Oh, experience, that's right. This is

>> Oh, experience, that's right. This is

>> Oh, experience, that's right. This is actually the most experienced Congress

actually the most experienced Congress

actually the most experienced Congress we've ever had. How's that working out?

we've ever had. How's that working out?

we've ever had. How's that working out? >> The most unproductive Congress in the

>> The most unproductive Congress in the

>> The most unproductive Congress in the first a year of a president in history.

first a year of a president in history.

first a year of a president in history. >> Potentially the least productive in

>> Potentially the least productive in

>> Potentially the least productive in modern history.

modern history.

modern history. >> Fewest laws passed since at least the

>> Fewest laws passed since at least the

>> Fewest laws passed since at least the 1950s.

1950s.

1950s. >> As our government has gotten older, the

>> As our government has gotten older, the

>> As our government has gotten older, the economy has gotten worse, inequality

economy has gotten worse, inequality

economy has gotten worse, inequality more severe, our safety net shredded.

more severe, our safety net shredded.

more severe, our safety net shredded. The irony is that this long past

The irony is that this long past

The irony is that this long past retirement age government has policies

retirement age government has policies

retirement age government has policies that force everyone else to have to work

that force everyone else to have to work

that force everyone else to have to work long past retirement age. Mostly though,

long past retirement age. Mostly though,

long past retirement age. Mostly though, without a health care plan that covers a

without a health care plan that covers a

without a health care plan that covers a mysterious month in the hospital.

mysterious month in the hospital.

mysterious month in the hospital. Because we don't have a system that

Because we don't have a system that

Because we don't have a system that rewards experience and competence and

rewards experience and competence and

rewards experience and competence and performance. We have a system that

performance. We have a system that

performance. We have a system that rewards incumbency.

rewards incumbency.

rewards incumbency. These people aren't brilliant. They're

These people aren't brilliant. They're

These people aren't brilliant. They're [\h__\h] barnacles.

[\h__\h] barnacles.

[\h__\h] barnacles. Utterly incapable of addressing a world

Utterly incapable of addressing a world

Utterly incapable of addressing a world moving much faster than the speed of

moving much faster than the speed of

moving much faster than the speed of Matlock.

>> [cheering]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] >> Why does it matter?

>> Why does it matter?

>> Why does it matter? Here's the co-chair of the House Army

Here's the co-chair of the House Army

Here's the co-chair of the House Army Caucus, co-chair,

Caucus, co-chair,

Caucus, co-chair, Congressman John Carter of Texas,

Congressman John Carter of Texas,

Congressman John Carter of Texas, explaining why it's imperative to

explaining why it's imperative to

explaining why it's imperative to remediate our outdated defense systems.

remediate our outdated defense systems.

remediate our outdated defense systems. >> Another issue that's very important to

>> Another issue that's very important to

>> Another issue that's very important to the department is historically relied on

the department is historically relied on

the department is historically relied on outdated production techniques

outdated production techniques

outdated production techniques of energetic

of energetic

of energetic manufacturing

manufacturing

manufacturing which may have remained unchanged since

which may have remained unchanged since

which may have remained unchanged since the Civil Second World War.

Since since the since

Since since the since

Since since the since Since the since the Civil War and since

Since the since the Civil War and since

Since the since the Civil War and since the

the

the Second World War

Second World War

Second World War >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> They're blurring my mind having been at

>> They're blurring my mind having been at

>> They're blurring my mind having been at both. Uh

both. Uh

both. Uh >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> How is the

>> How is the

>> How is the department ensuring that investment in

department ensuring that investment in

department ensuring that investment in next generation energetics manufacturing

next generation energetics manufacturing

next generation energetics manufacturing such as AI, machine learning

such as AI, machine learning

such as AI, machine learning capabilities,

capabilities,

capabilities, and enabling the

and enabling the

and enabling the uh and insurance of insurance quality

uh and insurance of insurance quality

uh and insurance of insurance quality assurance

>> I take no pleasure in this.

>> I take no pleasure in this.

>> I take no pleasure in this. But this is not right.

But this is not right.

But this is not right. The stakes are too high.

The stakes are too high.

The stakes are too high. There's no way that dude even knows how

There's no way that dude even knows how

There's no way that dude even knows how to put his phone on silent.

to put his phone on silent.

to put his phone on silent. >> I How can OUR GOVERNMENT BE BETTER USING

>> I How can OUR GOVERNMENT BE BETTER USING

>> I How can OUR GOVERNMENT BE BETTER USING THE CHAT GPT?

YOU GOT

YOU GOT

YOU GOT >> [screaming]

>> [screaming]

>> [screaming] >> IT, DAD.

>> IT, DAD.

>> IT, DAD. I'M WE'RE WORKING ON THE GOVERNMENT

I'M WE'RE WORKING ON THE GOVERNMENT

I'M WE'RE WORKING ON THE GOVERNMENT GOING TO GET THAT CHAT GPT.

IF I CAN GET A CHAT GPT TO PUT IN THE

IF I CAN GET A CHAT GPT TO PUT IN THE

IF I CAN GET A CHAT GPT TO PUT IN THE GOVERNMENT, we're going to get the

GOVERNMENT, we're going to get the

GOVERNMENT, we're going to get the government to put the chat GPT.

government to put the chat GPT.

government to put the chat GPT. Getting the sons and the insurance in

Getting the sons and the insurance in

Getting the sons and the insurance in THE CIVIL WAR WITH CHAT GPT.

THE CIVIL WAR WITH CHAT GPT.

THE CIVIL WAR WITH CHAT GPT. >> [laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter] >> I do not think the people deciding rules

>> I do not think the people deciding rules

>> I do not think the people deciding rules about the most advanced technology on

about the most advanced technology on

about the most advanced technology on Earth should look like they're

Earth should look like they're

Earth should look like they're steam-powered.

>> I'm going to shout YOU A GPT. NO.

>> I'm going to shout YOU A GPT. NO.

>> I'm going to shout YOU A GPT. NO. GET SOME MORE COAL UP THE ASS AND GET ME

GET SOME MORE COAL UP THE ASS AND GET ME

GET SOME MORE COAL UP THE ASS AND GET ME GOING AGAIN. COME ON.

GOING AGAIN. COME ON.

GOING AGAIN. COME ON. >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> COME ON NOW. SHOVEL THAT [\h__\h] RIGHT UP

>> COME ON NOW. SHOVEL THAT [\h__\h] RIGHT UP

>> COME ON NOW. SHOVEL THAT [\h__\h] RIGHT UP MY ASS.

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> Everyone understands you cannot have the

>> Everyone understands you cannot have the

>> Everyone understands you cannot have the country ruled by people this old and

country ruled by people this old and

country ruled by people this old and frail.

frail.

frail. Everyone except them.

Everyone except them.

Everyone except them. >> Senator Mitch McConnell said over the

>> Senator Mitch McConnell said over the

>> Senator Mitch McConnell said over the weekend, "I'm not taking a break from

weekend, "I'm not taking a break from

weekend, "I'm not taking a break from the Senate business that matters to you.

the Senate business that matters to you.

the Senate business that matters to you. I still have unfinished business to

I still have unfinished business to

I still have unfinished business to complete on your behalf, and I have

complete on your behalf, and I have

complete on your behalf, and I have every intention of finishing the job you

every intention of finishing the job you

every intention of finishing the job you elected me TO DO."

elected me TO DO."

elected me TO DO." >> DON'T!

DON'T FINISH IT. WE'RE FINE.

DON'T FINISH IT. WE'RE FINE.

DON'T FINISH IT. WE'RE FINE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FINISH THE JOB. AND BY

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FINISH THE JOB. AND BY

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FINISH THE JOB. AND BY THE WAY, I AM GOING NOWHERE BECAUSE I

THE WAY, I AM GOING NOWHERE BECAUSE I

THE WAY, I AM GOING NOWHERE BECAUSE I HAVE unfinished business. Literally is

HAVE unfinished business. Literally is

HAVE unfinished business. Literally is what a GHOST WOULD SAY.

what a GHOST WOULD SAY.

what a GHOST WOULD SAY. THAT IS WHAT A GHOST WOULD SAY. I'M NOT

THAT IS WHAT A GHOST WOULD SAY. I'M NOT

THAT IS WHAT A GHOST WOULD SAY. I'M NOT LEAVING. I HAVE UNFINISHED YOU CANNOT

LEAVING. I HAVE UNFINISHED YOU CANNOT

LEAVING. I HAVE UNFINISHED YOU CANNOT BANISH ME.

BANISH ME.

BANISH ME. MY SOUL HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS.

MY SOUL HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS.

MY SOUL HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS. I MUST CURTAIL YOUR ACCESS TO FOOD

I MUST CURTAIL YOUR ACCESS TO FOOD

I MUST CURTAIL YOUR ACCESS TO FOOD STAMPS.

STAMPS.

STAMPS. FOOD.

FOOD.

FOOD. >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> AND AGAIN, I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING

>> AND AGAIN, I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING

>> AND AGAIN, I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING THAT OLD PEOPLE CANNOT BE PRODUCTIVE at

THAT OLD PEOPLE CANNOT BE PRODUCTIVE at

THAT OLD PEOPLE CANNOT BE PRODUCTIVE at their jobs.

their jobs.

their jobs. But at the highest levels of our

But at the highest levels of our

But at the highest levels of our government, there is no check on when

government, there is no check on when

government, there is no check on when they are no longer capable of doing just

they are no longer capable of doing just

they are no longer capable of doing just that.

that.

that. But their power remains.

But their power remains.

But their power remains. Advanced age is just one more way in

Advanced age is just one more way in

Advanced age is just one more way in which our government is at a remove from

which our government is at a remove from

which our government is at a remove from the needs of the people they purport to

the needs of the people they purport to

the needs of the people they purport to serve.

serve.

serve. And they have too much power to be this

And they have too much power to be this

And they have too much power to be this disconnected.

disconnected.

disconnected. If only there was somebody in the

If only there was somebody in the

If only there was somebody in the government who understood that.

government who understood that.

government who understood that. >> We need a Democratic Party that opens

>> We need a Democratic Party that opens

>> We need a Democratic Party that opens its doors to new people, new energy, and

its doors to new people, new energy, and

its doors to new people, new energy, and new ideas.

new ideas.

new ideas. >> That kid gets it.