Original subtitles

Hello, what's up sports fans and lonely

Hello, what's up sports fans and lonely

Hello, what's up sports fans and lonely dads at Buffalo Wild Wings? I'm Desi

dads at Buffalo Wild Wings? I'm Desi

dads at Buffalo Wild Wings? I'm Desi Lydic.

Lydic.

Lydic. >> And I'm Michael Costa, this is Sports

>> And I'm Michael Costa, this is Sports

>> And I'm Michael Costa, this is Sports War, the show where we are legally not

War, the show where we are legally not

War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.

allowed to agree with each other.

allowed to agree with each other. >> So, if I say LeBron would be a perfect

>> So, if I say LeBron would be a perfect

>> So, if I say LeBron would be a perfect fit for the Golden State Warriors.

fit for the Golden State Warriors.

fit for the Golden State Warriors. >> Then I say screw the Warriors, he's a

>> Then I say screw the Warriors, he's a

>> Then I say screw the Warriors, he's a perfect fit for my YMCA over 40 rec

perfect fit for my YMCA over 40 rec

perfect fit for my YMCA over 40 rec league team. The blue shirt team, we

league team. The blue shirt team, we

league team. The blue shirt team, we still can't pick a name. Without LeBron,

still can't pick a name. Without LeBron,

still can't pick a name. Without LeBron, we'll never beat the green shirt team.

we'll never beat the green shirt team.

we'll never beat the green shirt team. God, now that's a good name.

God, now that's a good name.

God, now that's a good name. >> Uh

>> Uh

>> Uh LeBron doesn't need your fat balding

LeBron doesn't need your fat balding

LeBron doesn't need your fat balding friends with anger issues. That's what

friends with anger issues. That's what

friends with anger issues. That's what Draymond Green's for. But let's get into

Draymond Green's for. But let's get into

Draymond Green's for. But let's get into the biggest story in sports, the World

the biggest story in sports, the World

the biggest story in sports, the World Cup final is this Sunday, right here in

Cup final is this Sunday, right here in

Cup final is this Sunday, right here in the heart of New York, East Rutherford,

the heart of New York, East Rutherford,

the heart of New York, East Rutherford, New Jersey.

New Jersey.

New Jersey. And it is shaping up to be a doozy.

And it is shaping up to be a doozy.

And it is shaping up to be a doozy. >> The men's World Cup final showdown is

>> The men's World Cup final showdown is

>> The men's World Cup final showdown is set and Argentina will face Spain after

set and Argentina will face Spain after

set and Argentina will face Spain after a stunning late comeback against England

a stunning late comeback against England

a stunning late comeback against England led by captain Lionel Messi.

led by captain Lionel Messi.

led by captain Lionel Messi. Oh man, this is going to be good

Oh man, this is going to be good

Oh man, this is going to be good awesome. I'm betting everything on

awesome. I'm betting everything on

awesome. I'm betting everything on Spain, Espana, and not just because once

Spain, Espana, and not just because once

Spain, Espana, and not just because once I put together a swing set using only

I put together a swing set using only

I put together a swing set using only the Spanish instructions.

the Spanish instructions.

the Spanish instructions. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> Let's just say my kids got muy injured

>> Let's just say my kids got muy injured

>> Let's just say my kids got muy injured after the el slide-o collapsed. Dios

after the el slide-o collapsed. Dios

after the el slide-o collapsed. Dios mio. Regardless, Spain is technically a

mio. Regardless, Spain is technically a

mio. Regardless, Spain is technically a proficient team that's going to make a

proficient team that's going to make a

proficient team that's going to make a meal of Argentina. Well, technically 11

meal of Argentina. Well, technically 11

meal of Argentina. Well, technically 11 small meals served on tiny plates and

small meals served on tiny plates and

small meals served on tiny plates and much like the World Cup, it'll be very

much like the World Cup, it'll be very

much like the World Cup, it'll be very expensive and completely unsatisfying.

expensive and completely unsatisfying.

expensive and completely unsatisfying. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] >> LIKE YOUR WEDDING NIGHT.

>> LIKE YOUR WEDDING NIGHT.

>> LIKE YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

>> IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

>> IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. >> COSTA,

>> COSTA,

>> COSTA, I'M BETTING me Costa on Argentina.

I'M BETTING me Costa on Argentina.

I'M BETTING me Costa on Argentina. They're going to make this game real

They're going to make this game real

They're going to make this game real messy for Spain. Argentina is not to be

messy for Spain. Argentina is not to be

messy for Spain. Argentina is not to be messied with

messied with

messied with thanks to their star player, Enzo

thanks to their star player, Enzo

thanks to their star player, Enzo Fernandez.

Fernandez.

Fernandez. Plus, they have that short old guy whose

Plus, they have that short old guy whose

Plus, they have that short old guy whose name I can't remember. And don't get me

name I can't remember. And don't get me

name I can't remember. And don't get me started on an Argentina's secret weapon.

started on an Argentina's secret weapon.

started on an Argentina's secret weapon. >> A generation of Nazi grandchildren?

>> A generation of Nazi grandchildren?

>> A generation of Nazi grandchildren? >> No, something even better.

>> No, something even better.

>> No, something even better. >> It's a battle of the generations with

>> It's a battle of the generations with

>> It's a battle of the generations with 39-year-old Lionel Messi going

39-year-old Lionel Messi going

39-year-old Lionel Messi going head-to-head with Spain's 19-year-old

head-to-head with Spain's 19-year-old

head-to-head with Spain's 19-year-old star Lamine Yamal.

star Lamine Yamal.

star Lamine Yamal. >> The multi-generational divide

>> The multi-generational divide

>> The multi-generational divide underscored by this remarkable snapshot

underscored by this remarkable snapshot

underscored by this remarkable snapshot from a charity calendar photoshoot

from a charity calendar photoshoot

from a charity calendar photoshoot nearly 20 years ago. The image going

nearly 20 years ago. The image going

nearly 20 years ago. The image going viral showing Messi when he played for

viral showing Messi when he played for

viral showing Messi when he played for FC Barcelona giving baby Yamal a bath.

FC Barcelona giving baby Yamal a bath.

FC Barcelona giving baby Yamal a bath. >> YEAH, that's right. Messi's playing the

>> YEAH, that's right. Messi's playing the

>> YEAH, that's right. Messi's playing the classic mental long game. 20 years ago

classic mental long game. 20 years ago

classic mental long game. 20 years ago he volunteered to give a bath to a baby

he volunteered to give a bath to a baby

he volunteered to give a bath to a baby who he knew would grow up to be Spain's

who he knew would grow up to be Spain's

who he knew would grow up to be Spain's star player. Now that is how you get

star player. Now that is how you get

star player. Now that is how you get inside an opposing player's soft little

inside an opposing player's soft little

inside an opposing player's soft little head. How can Yamal possibly lock in

head. How can Yamal possibly lock in

head. How can Yamal possibly lock in knowing the man across from him has seen

knowing the man across from him has seen

knowing the man across from him has seen his tiny baby empanada?

his tiny baby empanada?

his tiny baby empanada? >> I disagree, Desi. That tiny baby

>> I disagree, Desi. That tiny baby

>> I disagree, Desi. That tiny baby empanada haunts Messi's dreams. He wakes

empanada haunts Messi's dreams. He wakes

empanada haunts Messi's dreams. He wakes up in a cold sweat yelling, "How can I

up in a cold sweat yelling, "How can I

up in a cold sweat yelling, "How can I defeat the hairless balls I once so

defeat the hairless balls I once so

defeat the hairless balls I once so tenderly washed?"

tenderly washed?"

tenderly washed?" It makes you think.

It makes you think.

It makes you think. >> Oh,

>> Oh,

>> Oh, why start now? Which brings us to our no

why start now? Which brings us to our no

why start now? Which brings us to our no tears diaper buster bet of the night.

tears diaper buster bet of the night.

tears diaper buster bet of the night. What kind of weird ass charity put out

What kind of weird ass charity put out

What kind of weird ass charity put out that calendar?

that calendar?

that calendar? Presented by Gambling. Gambling, hungry?

Presented by Gambling. Gambling, hungry?

Presented by Gambling. Gambling, hungry? Gamble.

Gamble.

Gamble. >> Moving on. While we don't know the

>> Moving on. While we don't know the

>> Moving on. While we don't know the winner of the World Cup just yet, we

winner of the World Cup just yet, we

winner of the World Cup just yet, we already know the breakout star of the

already know the breakout star of the

already know the breakout star of the tournament is this fan from Norway.

tournament is this fan from Norway.

tournament is this fan from Norway. >> It's Norway's fans who've been grabbing

>> It's Norway's fans who've been grabbing

>> It's Norway's fans who've been grabbing the headlines with their Viking-inspired

the headlines with their Viking-inspired

the headlines with their Viking-inspired rowing chant. But one supporter was not

rowing chant. But one supporter was not

rowing chant. But one supporter was not happy. This is Emil Anders Lapin in the

happy. This is Emil Anders Lapin in the

happy. This is Emil Anders Lapin in the middle of a crowd of rowing fans, but he

middle of a crowd of rowing fans, but he

middle of a crowd of rowing fans, but he went viral for refusing to join in.

went viral for refusing to join in.

went viral for refusing to join in. >> First of all,

>> First of all,

>> First of all, I just find it really stupid and it's

I just find it really stupid and it's

I just find it really stupid and it's actually wrong.

actually wrong.

actually wrong. The Vikings sailed across across the

The Vikings sailed across across the

The Vikings sailed across across the Atlantic. They didn't row across the

Atlantic. They didn't row across the

Atlantic. They didn't row across the Atlantic.

Atlantic.

Atlantic. >> OH, COME ON.

>> OH, COME ON.

>> OH, COME ON. SINCE WHEN do nerds like sports? No

SINCE WHEN do nerds like sports? No

SINCE WHEN do nerds like sports? No wonder Norway lost. THIS FJORD DIDN'T

wonder Norway lost. THIS FJORD DIDN'T

wonder Norway lost. THIS FJORD DIDN'T ROW.

ROW.

ROW. THIS IS THIS IS A sacred Norwegian

THIS IS THIS IS A sacred Norwegian

THIS IS THIS IS A sacred Norwegian tradition going all the way back to

tradition going all the way back to

tradition going all the way back to March of this year.

March of this year.

March of this year. He was just sitting there drunk doing

He was just sitting there drunk doing

He was just sitting there drunk doing nothing. I sit here drunk doing nothing

nothing. I sit here drunk doing nothing

nothing. I sit here drunk doing nothing all the time. WHY DON'T I GET any

all the time. WHY DON'T I GET any

all the time. WHY DON'T I GET any credit? You know why? Because I'm a

credit? You know why? Because I'm a

credit? You know why? Because I'm a woman.

>> DESI,

>> DESI,

>> DESI, >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> DESI, DESI.

>> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> DESI, YOU'RE JUST PROVING WHAT EVERYONE

>> DESI, YOU'RE JUST PROVING WHAT EVERYONE

>> DESI, YOU'RE JUST PROVING WHAT EVERYONE THINKS. Women don't know about

THINKS. Women don't know about

THINKS. Women don't know about Norway. The fan

Norway. The fan

Norway. The fan This fan gets it. The fun part of sports

This fan gets it. The fun part of sports

This fan gets it. The fun part of sports is historical accuracy. Of course, he

is historical accuracy. Of course, he

is historical accuracy. Of course, he shouldn't row. He should do as the

shouldn't row. He should do as the

shouldn't row. He should do as the Vikings do and decapitate everyone

Vikings do and decapitate everyone

Vikings do and decapitate everyone inside of monastery.

inside of monastery.

inside of monastery. >> OKAY, COSTAS, SPORTS ARE ABOUT showing

>> OKAY, COSTAS, SPORTS ARE ABOUT showing

>> OKAY, COSTAS, SPORTS ARE ABOUT showing up for one another, pulling in the same

up for one another, pulling in the same

up for one another, pulling in the same direction, no I in team, whatever other

direction, no I in team, whatever other

direction, no I in team, whatever other we tell men to get them out of

we tell men to get them out of

we tell men to get them out of the house for 10 minutes so I can pumice

the house for 10 minutes so I can pumice

the house for 10 minutes so I can pumice my heels IN PEACE. GOD DAMN IT.

>> [cheering]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> Which brings us to our 6 months of the

>> Which brings us to our 6 months of the

>> Which brings us to our 6 months of the darkness bed of the never-ending night.

darkness bed of the never-ending night.

darkness bed of the never-ending night. Now that Norway lost, where will they

Now that Norway lost, where will they

Now that Norway lost, where will they row that imaginary boat? Presented by

row that imaginary boat? Presented by

row that imaginary boat? Presented by gambling. Gambling, there's a reason

gambling. Gambling, there's a reason

gambling. Gambling, there's a reason grandpa [music] smells like that.

grandpa [music] smells like that.

grandpa [music] smells like that. >> Of course, with the World Cup coming to

>> Of course, with the World Cup coming to

>> Of course, with the World Cup coming to a close, now's the time when teams that

a close, now's the time when teams that

a close, now's the time when teams that underperformed are trying to figure out

underperformed are trying to figure out

underperformed are trying to figure out what went wrong. And in Senegal, they

what went wrong. And in Senegal, they

what went wrong. And in Senegal, they may have found an answer.

may have found an answer.

may have found an answer. >> The Senegalese Football Federation said

>> The Senegalese Football Federation said

>> The Senegalese Football Federation said that after the tournament ended, they

that after the tournament ended, they

that after the tournament ended, they realized the national team doctor was a

realized the national team doctor was a

realized the national team doctor was a gynecologist and not a sports doctor,

gynecologist and not a sports doctor,

gynecologist and not a sports doctor, which allegedly caused discomfort among

which allegedly caused discomfort among

which allegedly caused discomfort among players during the World Cup.

>> That's where

>> That's where

>> That's where That's where my Senegalese gyno's been.

That's where my Senegalese gyno's been.

That's where my Senegalese gyno's been. I've been flying to West Africa because

I've been flying to West Africa because

I've been flying to West Africa because he's the only doctor who takes my

he's the only doctor who takes my

he's the only doctor who takes my insurance.

insurance.

insurance. Plus there's nothing sexier than getting

Plus there's nothing sexier than getting

Plus there's nothing sexier than getting a pap smear in French.

a pap smear in French.

a pap smear in French. >> [laughter]

>> How dare they blame him for losing? Look

>> How dare they blame him for losing? Look

>> How dare they blame him for losing? Look at the numbers. Yes, Senegal allowed

at the numbers. Yes, Senegal allowed

at the numbers. Yes, Senegal allowed nine goals, but they had zero yeast

nine goals, but they had zero yeast

nine goals, but they had zero yeast infections.

infections.

infections. >> [laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> [laughter] [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] >> Desi,

>> Desi,

>> Desi, >> [applause]

>> [applause]

>> [applause] >> let me disagree. And just a heads-up,

>> let me disagree. And just a heads-up,

>> let me disagree. And just a heads-up, okay? You're going to feel a pinch. Men

okay? You're going to feel a pinch. Men

okay? You're going to feel a pinch. Men need man doctors, not clam doctors.

need man doctors, not clam doctors.

need man doctors, not clam doctors. Manly men doctors. You tear your ACL, he

Manly men doctors. You tear your ACL, he

Manly men doctors. You tear your ACL, he prescribes you 20 years of staring

prescribes you 20 years of staring

prescribes you 20 years of staring silently out a window.

How is THIS MY LIFE?

How is THIS MY LIFE?

How is THIS MY LIFE? >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> YEAH.

>> STOP STARING AT ME.

>> STOP STARING AT ME.

>> STOP STARING AT ME. >> [laughter]

>> WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OVARY UNDER par

>> WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OVARY UNDER par

>> WHICH BRINGS US TO THE OVARY UNDER par labia bet of the night. Can Costa

labia bet of the night. Can Costa

labia bet of the night. Can Costa accurately LABEL THIS DIAGRAM?

accurately LABEL THIS DIAGRAM?

accurately LABEL THIS DIAGRAM? >> [screaming]

>> [screaming]

>> [screaming] [cheering]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause] >> PRESENTED BY GAMBLING. GAMBLING. He went

>> PRESENTED BY GAMBLING. GAMBLING. He went

>> PRESENTED BY GAMBLING. GAMBLING. He went to Jared, his brother, for money.

>> Come on, the Chicago Bulls logo? I can

>> Come on, the Chicago Bulls logo? I can

>> Come on, the Chicago Bulls logo? I can easily label that.

easily label that.

easily label that. Well, that's all the time we have. Join

Well, that's all the time we have. Join

Well, that's all the time we have. Join us next week when we ask, is it time

us next week when we ask, is it time

us next week when we ask, is it time people with disabilities got their own

people with disabilities got their own

people with disabilities got their own separate Olympics? [music]

separate Olympics? [music]

separate Olympics? [music] >> Yeah, dum-dum, that already exists.

>> Yeah, dum-dum, that already exists.

>> Yeah, dum-dum, that already exists. >> Oh, cuz I was going to say no.