Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Lynda, would you come out here, please?

I have been calling you for ten minutes.

Did you call me all the way out

here just to tell me that?

Don't you start with me.

These lab reports need to be sorted.

But I'm trying to study.

If you were watching TV, just say so.

No, really.

I decided to go back to school and

finish my degree.

Lynda, that is wonderful.

What type of degree?

Two year?

Four year?

Manicure.

I'll be out by Friday.

That's good, too.

I thought it would be a good idea,

just as a backup plan.

I mean, what if something happened to Dr.

Becker?

Like, he lost his medical license, or got

hit by a truck, or someone poisoned him,

or clubbed him to death, or put him

in a bag and chains in the trunk

of a car, or, you know, be cool.

Thank you, Taya.

Otaku.

Morning, John.

Oh, yeah, yeah, just great.

Yeah, I got a toilet that won't stop,

a car that won't go, I got neighbors

that won't shut up, and a breakfast that

won't stay down.

Like sands through an hourglass, these are the

days of my life.

You've got a patient in, too.

Oh, and Mr. Tipton from Harding High School

dropped by.

He's in your office.

You let him in my office?

Oh, come on, Margaret, he's such a long

-winded gasbag.

Then you two can compare notes.

No.

No, he's so boring.

Last time he was here, he went on

and on about those nitwits he calls a

soccer team.

I mean, they're so bad, their mascot should

be some guy beating a dead horse.

Stop it!

All right.

Hey, actually, you know what?

Give me two minutes, then come in and

tell me I got a phone call.

No, I'm not gonna do it.

I don't like to lie.

It's wrong.

Says who?

The Lord.

The Lord?

Margaret, this is the Bronx.

Believe me, he's not here.

All right, John, two minutes.

Now, please go.

Thank you.

Two minutes, Margaret.

Dr. Becker, hello.

Oh, you should have been at last week's

soccer game.

The boys came this close to scoring a

goal.

Listen, I'm kind of busy today.

Well, then let me get right to the

point.

Harding High School would like you to be

this year's commencement speaker.

What?

It's next week, and I do apologize for

the short notice, but the mayor had a

last-minute change in his schedule.

The mayor?

Really?

Sit down, sit down.

Of course, as soon as he dropped out,

well, your name immediately came to mind.

Huh.

We think that you'd be an inspiration to

the graduates.

Not only are you a respected member of

the community, but you graduated at the top

of your class, and from Harvard, no less.

Well, yeah, that's, uh, all true.

You know, in a lot of ways, you're

more relevant to these kids than some of

the so-called big names.

You're one of the quiet heroes.

John, John, you have a call.

Yeah, Margaret, I'm kind of busy here.

Who is it?

What?

Who's on the phone?

Uh, it's that call.

You know, the call you were expecting.

Oh, uh, yeah, I don't need that call

anymore.

I'm in the middle of an important discussion

here with Mr. Tipton.

But I just...

Margaret, just handle it for me, will you?

I'm sorry.

Fine, I'll just tell the county psych ward

that you are on the way.

Oh, hey, Jake.

Where have you been?

Because I was...

Did you get your hair cut?

As a matter of fact, I did.

Just a little trim.

I didn't think you'd notice.

Oh, not notice?

Every day for the last three years, I've

had nothing else to do but stare at

you.

All day long.

You stare at me?

That's creepy.

I mean, how'd you like it if I

stared at you?

Jake, I'm over here.

Hey, Reg, coffee, please.

And then leave me alone.

I gotta make some notes on something.

Pretty important stuff.

Hey, did you notice?

Jake got a haircut.

I tried a new place.

Yeah, yeah, good, good.

Oh, hell, you're gonna find out eventually.

Harding High School asked me to be this

year's commencement speaker.

Do I smell oranges?

Yeah.

They use RSA to shampoo?

Jake, you've inspired me.

I'm gonna get my hair cut, too.

You know what you should?

It'll make you feel like a brand-new

person.

Hey, you know, if you two ladies would

get out from under the hairdryer for a

second, I'm trying to tell you I'm gonna

be speaking at a graduation next week.

Wait, hold it.

Next week?

Who graduates in the middle of winter?

Some of the bigger schools have these mid

-year graduations.

Don't take this the wrong way, Becker, but

why in the world did they pick you?

Matter of fact, the principal said that I

was an inspiration to the people in the

community.

In his words, a quiet hero.

You're a hero?

That must be the part he's trying to

keep quiet.

Hello, losers!

Bob is one happy man.

Anyone care to guess why?

A truck full of breast implants broke down

in front of your building?

Like I'd be here.

Bob, we're talking about something here.

So I'll skip ahead.

Bob just won big in Atlantic City.

Picture this.

I'm standing out in front of this casino,

right?

Wait, let me guess, let me guess.

Someone dropped their credit card and you picked

it up.

No.

They dropped cash.

Anyway, as a man driven by a strong

sense of right and wrong, you can imagine

my pain as I silently watched the poor

schmuck limp away.

But I'm guessing you got over it.

To the tune of 100 Klans.

As impressed as we all are, Bob, that

basically you stole from the cripple, I was

just saying that I've been given the distinct

honor of giving the graduation speech at Harding

High School this year.

They, uh, they called me when they needed

someone to fill in for the mayor.

Jake, did you get a haircut?

Hey, guys, I think I settled on a

theme for my graduation speech.

I'm gonna talk about the future.

Bold choice.

See, future and kids got me thinking about

how a lot of the leaders in this

country, they started out as kids, but they

ended up, um, as leaders.

So you're saying that a lot of adults

used to be children?

All right.

All right, it's just the first draft.

Okay, Linda, back to your test.

Um, what should you drink to strengthen your

nails?

A mixture of water and gelatin.

Well, that's close, Linda.

It's orange juice and gelatin.

Orange juice, orange juice.

How am I gonna remember that?

Well, you need a memory trick.

Uh, for instance, think of Florida.

A lot of orange juice comes from Florida.

Think Florida, remember orange juice.

Nah, I'm just gonna write it on my

hand.

Florida.

I can't decide if I want a whole

new hairstyle or if I just want to

trim it up a little bit.

Well, let me see.

You know, it does feel a little thick

back here.

You know what, John, can you take a

look?

No, thanks.

I see enough of her hair in my

food.

All you need to do is take out

about a quarter of an inch.

Even I could do that for you.

Let's see.

Blind man, scissors, my head.

I detect a problem.

Okay, okay, okay.

Hey, guys, I just finished a draft for

my speech.

I think it's pretty good.

I want to try it out on you.

Oh, come on.

All right.

As I look out over this sea of

eager young faces...

Well, Bob is back.

Hey, I'm talking here, Bob.

Not anymore.

Bob took his Atlantic City windfall and bought

himself a watch.

A Cybertech 3000.

So you bought a new watch, big deal.

No, no, no, not just a watch.

It's also a compass, a calculator, a heart

monitor, it glows in the dark, and you

press this button, it tells you what city

you're in.

Now, that's amazing.

How does it know?

It beats me.

I don't even know how it glows in

the dark.

I had to break up this short bus

science fair, but I was about to read

you my speech here.

Now, I want you to be brutally honest,

okay?

Okay.

And I don't want to hear you speak.

All right.

As I look out over this sea of

eager young faces, I'm heartened to find a

new generation of Americans who will one day...

Excuse me?

New generation of Americans?

Kennedy kind of did that, didn't he?

All right, okay.

Brutally honest, that's good.

All right, I'll fix it.

Who will one day reach a point where

they must make a choice...

John, John.

This isn't going to a fork in the

road, is it?

No, it's not going to a fork in

the road.

That's good, because I can't think of a

bigger cliché.

When you leave these hallowed halls...

I stand corrected.

When you leave these hallowed halls, your education

does not end with school.

Thanks a lot for your help.

You know, I'm going to be standing in

front of hundreds of young people tonight, and

they're all going to be waiting for me

to say something insightful, and all I got,

you know, I got squat.

Thanks a lot.

You told us to be honest.

Yeah, and it honestly did suck.

Oh, uh, say, Bob, what time you got?

I got no idea.

John, you have a patient in one, a

follow-up on pneumonia.

Then lunch.

Yeah, order in for me, William Margaret.

I got to work on this speech.

I'm really stuck here.

We're all stuck here.

Hey, Margaret, let me ask you something.

If you were going to give a speech

to a graduating class, what would you say?

Oh, well, you know, I've thought about this.

I would tell them that a career is

about more than just making money.

And then I would tell them to balance

their work with a strong spiritual life.

And then I would tell them to imagine

that they are telling the story of their

life to their grandchildren.

And what would they want that story to

be?

Man, I don't see it.

Hi, Doc.

How you doing?

What's going on here?

Well, I have to practice for my exam,

and Chuck said he wouldn't mind if I

gave him a manicure.

I really would let my nails go.

Linda, aren't there other things you should be

doing?

Oh, you're right.

I have a pedicure in room two.

Great.

Now what am I supposed to do with

this last little pinky?

Don't make me answer that.

Chuck, let's go take an x-ray of

your lungs to see if the pneumonia's cleared

up.

I'll be honest, Doc.

I feel pretty.

Oh, great, great.

You guys are here.

I just finished my speech.

I want to read it to you.

Oh, Chuck.

Oh, that's great.

You know, it's nice to know when the

chips are down, I always have you guys

to ridicule me.

Okay, John.

We're sorry.

Let's hear it.

Thank you, Martha.

All right.

As I look out over this sea of

eager young faces...

Could you all turn around, please?

Thank you.

As I look out over this sea of

eager...

Hey, I finally passed my nail test.

I was so nervous at first, but I

got the highest grade in my class.

Good girl.

Congratulations.

Really, congratulations.

Thanks a lot.

I wanted to try this speech out on

you guys.

Now I have no idea if it works

or not.

Where does that leave me?

Leave that.

After the graduates come in, our valedictorian will

speak, and then it's your turn.

Will, here we are.

You know, they say that the two biggest

fears people have are death and public speaking.

I guess no one wants to make a

fool of themselves in front of hundreds and

hundreds of people.

Certainly not.

Your fly's open.

Oh, I...

This is where we're gonna have coffee before

the actual ceremony, right?

No, this is the place.

But what about the students and the band?

Where are you gonna put the band?

That is all taken care of.

You see, I recorded the band at last

June's graduation.

Man, oh man, that was something.

A 50-piece ensemble, 800 graduates, 2,000

guests.

How many are graduating tonight?

Say, we'd better get the show on the

road.

Pretty small class.

Any chance these are the honor students, the

ones that's getting out early?

Early?

Well, if you consider six years in high

school early, then yeah.

Who's that?

Jim Libman.

Works for the state.

He's handcuffed to Kyle Stemp there.

Hell of a nice guy.

Jim is, I mean.

Kyle, I could drop kick off a speeding

train without a second thought.

Can I speak to you for a second?

Mayor Giuliani was really gonna talk to these

kids?

Yes, he was.

But then he canceled as soon as he

found out.

Well, you know, who they were.

Well, better get started.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, and graduates of Harding

High School, class of 2001...

and a half.

Before we hear from our distinguished keynote speaker

this evening, our valedictorian, Gary Lowenhauer, is going

to say a few words.

Gary.

Today we are leaving high school.

High school was fun.

We learned a lot.

But leaving high school is a scary pro...

propo...

prop...

propos...

Sound it out, Gary.

Remember what we said about T-I-O

-N.

Dumbass!

Boy, you think that's funny, McCall?

You think you could do any better?

Because I know for a fact you can't!

So either keep your mouth shut or get

out!

Go ahead, Gary.

After high school, we hoped to be very

suspect...

no, um, successful...

Successful, you moron!

That's it!

McCall, out!

I should try to help!

Out!

No!

Anybody else want some of that?

Good.

Okay, we're gonna have to hurry things along

now, so, Gary, why don't you just sit

down?

Thank you.

Now it is time for our keynote speaker,

Dr. John Becker.

He has a small practice in the Bronx.

John?

Good evening.

Good evening.

As I look out over this sea of

eager young faces...

I see that you, the architects of the

new millennium...

You suck!

Look, people, I don't want to be here

any more than you do.

But the sooner he's done, the sooner we

can all leave.

Please continue.

Thank you.

Where was I?

Eager young faces...

Oh, here we are.

Yeah, it's, uh...

It's important to realize that every leader in

our country's history started out as a kid

just like you.

Excuse me.

Is this gonna be on the test?

Dude, there are no more tests.

Excuse me.

I think that, uh...

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best.

I'm just trying to give a speech here.

Yeah, a boring speech.

I don't need this for crying out loud.

You know, I had better stuff to do

today, but this guy showed up in my

office and blew a bunch of smoke up

my shorts, and I believed him.

My own stupid fault, you know.

I'm getting my hopes up.

I broke my number one rule.

No expectations, no disappointments.

See, I expected to come here and make

a difference.

You know, I expected this would be a

dignified occasion and that I would be talking

to intelligent people.

And I expected a big band.

Oh, yeah, and I also expected my friends

to support me, but I guess that was

too much to ask for.

Oh, what the hell, though, you know?

That's life, right?

Here, let me give you some advice here.

You know, don't dream, don't hope.

You're never gonna make a difference, and you're

never gonna get what you want.

Or, who knows?

Maybe your life will turn out better than

mine.

You know, I'll tell you something.

Principal Tipton, you show up in my office

and ask me for a favor again, I

will kick your lying ass right out on

the street.

All right!

Dr. John Beckman.

Oh, damn, we missed it.

What are you guys doing here?

John, we felt bad about ignoring you lately.

Yeah, so we came down to hear your

speech.

I'm sorry we missed it, Becker.

Yeah, we wanted to be on time, but

my watch stopped.

Sounds like the audience loved it, though.

I mean, listen to them.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, it's safe to say I made

an impression.

Let's go.

Oh, Dr. Becker, I'm glad I caught you.

Yeah, yeah, goodbye, good luck, and don't do

drugs.

Come on.

That was the greatest speech I ever heard.

Hold on, hold on.

We all thought we were going to hear

another one of those boring graduation speeches, but

you blew everyone away.

I mean, it's so cool that someone like

you would just come right out and tell

us the truth.

You know, the things you said, no one's

ever been so honest with us before, so...

Thanks, Dr. Becker.

John, I'm really impressed.

Well, you know what they say, Marga.

You reach one kid, it's all worthwhile.

John, I really am impressed.