Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) You're late, and you've got patients waiting in

rooms one and two.

Margaret, I just a second walked in the

door.

Is it all right with you if I

take a few damn moments for myself before

you inundate me with the walking wounded?

Is that all right with you?

Thank you.

Oh, and Dr. Becker, you have a phone

call, but I forgot to ask who it

was.

Oh, that's just great.

Oh, thank you, Linda.

Yeah, terrific support staff.

All right, start my day with a compliment.

Which line?

The blinking one.

Not only am I blank...

Oh, sure, now it is.

Uh-oh, did you see that look in

his eye?

I never look directly at him.

Oh, that's right, you haven't been through it

before.

Been through what?

Well, every four years he just loses it.

You mean more than normal?

I should have seen this coming.

I mean, both of his ex-wives have

called lately.

He took a big hit on his taxes,

and Lord knows the last time he was

with a woman.

Well, he doesn't seem any worse than usual.

Damn fools!

There are subtle differences.

You know, Margaret, you're right, lately Becker has

been a bigger pain in the ass than

usual.

How long does this usually last?

Usually until he kills something.

Last time it was the coke machine.

He said it was staring at him.

I know how that feels.

Hey, Reg.

Hey, Jake, hey, Heidi.

Hey, Reggie.

Oh, Heidi, did you happen to leave a

pair of sunglasses in here the other day?

I did, thank you.

Damn, I mean...

Here you go.

But I'm warning you, you leave that jacket

in here, you are not seeing it again.

Thanks for the warning.

Anyway, gotta go to work.

See you later.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

Hold on.

That's your girlfriend?

Your girlfriend?

Yours?

What's your problem, Bob?

My problem, Mr. Blind Date, is that it's

a sin that such a beautiful woman is

wasted on a guy who can't even see

her.

But I still got a sense of touch.

Hey, quit rubbing it in.

How come Bob never gets any woman like

that?

You mean non-inflatable?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, because

I'm not paying for the coffee I never

got.

You know there's this website where you tell

them how much money you have, and they

hook you up with great trips.

But it's last minute stuff so you have

to go right away.

If you find me a good vacation for

$300, I'll be happy to go.

That'll be easy.

They have everything.

Golf trips, fishing trips, you can even go

skiing.

Yeah, yeah.

I could wrap myself around a tree, get

a concussion, be out of the office for

months.

What about a ski trip?

Yeah, good idea.

Hey Reggie.

Jake here.

We're going out to dinner.

Oh, yeah, I'll be right out.

Coffee?

Yeah, thank you.

It's funny, I can't remember ever seeing you

so casual.

I mean, it's just that you're always so

dressed up, that's all.

Yeah, usually I am.

I mean, I don't mean to sound conceited

or anything, but all my life, every guy

I've ever dated has been obsessed with how

I look.

Well, you know what it's like.

Yeah, it's a drag.

But with Jake, I don't have to dress

up, it's great.

I feel so free.

Hey, Jake.

Heidi, wow, you're here early.

Yeah.

Most women are late, you know, they take

so much time putting themselves together.

Not me.

Well, good night, Reg.

See you tomorrow.

Have fun.

Oh, we gotta go.

That little man, he's staring at me again.

Well, alright then.

I'll see you.

She's so much fun to talk to.

She didn't say a word to you.

She didn't have to.

There was a look in her eyes.

What?

Is it my imagination, or are you not

as close to the floor as usual?

Alright, you must know, I'm wearing elevation enhancing

accessories.

You know, I'm wearing lifts.

Lifts?

You're wearing stilts.

Yeah, and they're killing me, alright?

God.

That's better.

Well, I was crazy to agree with this.

I don't want to go on a cruise.

Where are you going?

Come on, the cab is waiting.

Margaret, a cruise?

I don't even like being in an elevator

with strangers for seven minutes.

What am I gonna do on a boat

for seven days?

Stay out of the elevator.

Come on, John.

Linda did a lot of research before she

booked this cruise.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.

And besides, you are going to such great

places.

Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico.

Have you been out there lately?

I'm already on that cruise.

No, I don't need a vacation.

I just had a bad couple of days.

I'm past that now.

Hey, honk that freaking horn one more time.

I'm gonna force feed that fat rest of

you one feed at a time.

You know, I just...

Hey, no, wait.

Bye-bye.

Don't...

Oh, Lord.

I thought he would never leave.

Now, Linda, I'm gonna go back and close

the exam rooms.

You call Susan over at Dr. Klein's office

and reconfirm all the rescheduled appointments.

You got it.

Susan, I'm on it.

Julie, Linda.

Yeah, I'll be out soon.

Uh-huh, Dr. Evil just left.

You know, we should go on that cruise.

There's entertainment, pool parties, and not a woman

to be seen.

We'd do great there.

Yeah, you should see the pictures on the

website.

These guys are so desperate, they're stuck dancing

with each other.

It's what kind of cruise?

Please tell me you mean happy.

Hi, Linda.

Welcome back.

Is Dr. Becker back yet?

No, not yet, but he should be in

any minute.

Why?

Uh, no reason.

How was your week off?

Mine was great.

What'd you do?

Well, Lewis had to work, so I slept

late, watched soap operas, ate ice cream.

Pretty much what you do here every day.

Linda, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Well, what are you so worried about?

Uh, you know, the world, my place in

it, how long I'll have a place in

it.

That's great, Linda.

You know, it never hurts to get in

touch with your spiritual side.

Actually, I've been drinking a lot.

Hi, John.

Welcome back.

How was the cruise?

It was very nice.

Did you have fun?

Yes, it was very nice.

Well, do you have any pictures?

No, no pictures.

I swear, you're the only person I know

who goes away on vacation, comes back, and

has nothing to say about it.

Well, I guess it was just so special.

I haven't had time to process it all.

You know, you are being very secretive.

Did you have a little shipboard romance?

Linda!

Linda, are you all right?

Yes, fine, yes.

You know, John, I've got the feeling that

you are hiding something from me, but don't

worry, I'll get it out of you eventually.

Mrs. Hahn, would you please sit down?

Please follow me.

I'll get you set up in room one.

I'm going to kill you.

Greetings, losers.

Hey, who's this guy sitting with Vigiquest?

That's Heidi.

Get the hell out of here.

I think she's taking advantage of Jake because

he's blind.

You know, by letting her appearance go.

Wow.

Suddenly, Bob Gladdy never took a shot at

her.

Unless you had a gun with tranquilizer darts

in it, you never had a shot at

her.

I gotta go, Jake, okay?

All right, so dinner tonight around eight?

Yeah, sounds great.

Okay, bye.

Bye, beautiful.

Well, look who's back.

Hey.

Hello.

Hello.

Well, if it isn't the king of cruising.

So, did the king find a queen?

Why'd you say that?

Oh, I don't know.

I just heard those cruises were really great

places to meet people.

What do you mean by those cruises?

Has Linda been in here?

No, she's been on vacation for a week.

Why?

Oh, never mind.

Let's just drop it, then.

You know what, Rich?

I bet he did meet somebody.

Come on.

A single doctor on a cruise?

Yeah, it would be weird if he didn't

meet someone.

All right, all right, all right.

You know what?

You did guess.

You guessed it.

I did meet someone.

I just didn't want to jinx it, you

know?

So, let's just say that this person is

very special, and it was very romantic, and

I hope it works out.

Dr. Becker, I'm sorry I sent you on

a gay cruise.

I can't take this torture anymore, so kill

me, don't kill me.

That's up to you, but it was an

honest mistake.

Whoa.

Wait.

Back up.

You went on a gay cruise?

They didn't know yet, did they?

No, no, they didn't.

Oh, John.

Oh, John!

So, this special person you met, what's his

name?

Very funny, very funny.

Oh, Bob, wait.

This whole life of this, someone else is

the object of ridicule.

All right, all right, all right.

Now you all know.

It's no big deal.

Oh, thank God.

No, no, no.

For you, it is a very big deal.

Go on a vacation, you said.

You know, it'll be relaxing, you said.

It was the most unrelaxing week of my

entire life.

At what point did you realize it was

a gay cruise?

Oh, I don't know.

Somewhere between YM and C.

So what did you do?

Sit in your cabin all week?

Oh, yeah, no, I would have loved that.

But my two cabin mates, Brad and Nevin,

they really hit it off.

But first night, I went back to my

stateroom early, and let's just say I never

made that mistake again.

So there were no women on the entire

ship?

Oh, I thought there were, but I was

horribly and publicly wrong.

Dr. Becker, I promise, someday you'll look back

on this and laugh, too.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Before that day comes, I'm going to kill

you.

And then I'm going to use my powers

as a physician to bring you back to

life.

And then I'm going to kill you again.

Hi, Dr. Becker.

Hello, Linda.

Would you please go back to the storeroom

and bring me back a box of syringes?

How do I know this isn't a trap?

You don't.

Hello, Dr. Becker.

How long is this going to go on?

So Linda made a mistake.

John, you have been tormenting her for days.

Yes, and so far, much more fun than

my vacation.

Don't you think you're carrying on just a

little too much?

I swear, you are acting like such a

homophobe.

Oh, come on, Margaret, you know me.

I don't have anything against gay people.

I would have felt just as uncomfortable with

a boat full of old people or young

people or born-agains or country music fans.

And thank God they weren't country music fans.

But what was so bad about this cruise?

Do I have to spill it out for

you?

I was the only straight man there.

Do you know what it's like to be

a minority?

Oh, come on, you know what I'm talking

about.

I was really looking forward to getting away.

You know, and yes, I was hoping I

could meet someone.

That certainly wasn't going to happen on this

cruise, was it?

So people weren't nice to you?

No.

Everybody was really nice.

So it wasn't completely miserable?

Oh, I guess not.

I mean, I...

You know, I got some sun and I

caught up with my reading.

How about the food?

Oh, Margaret, the food was marvelous.

How about the entertainment?

Fabulous.

It was...

Marvelous?

Fabulous?

I mean, listen to me.

Listen to me.

I swear, if anyone else went on this

cruise, they would have come back with a

funny story.

Oh, but not you.

You treat it just like you treat your

whole life.

You look for the negative, you find it,

and then you obsess about it.

John, Linda made a mistake.

Move on.

Now, what am I supposed to do?

Like, you know, find the humor in all

of this?

Why not?

Everyone I've told has.

Greetings, Fry Baby.

Bob's back.

Yeah, back to your old height.

Hey, Braille Mix, why so spiffy?

I like to look good when I go

out with Heidi.

You know, especially since I'm sure that when

we're together, everyone's staring at us.

No, they're staring, all right.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Uh, well, Jake, I wasn't sure if I

should tell you, but Heidi's sort of been

dressing down lately.

Oh, you mean like casual?

She means like pig pen.

Bob, I just think that she's using the

fact that you're blind to let herself go.

Well, thanks a lot, Reggie.

Well, is it true?

No.

A little.

A little?

Sort of.

Yes.

Well, why?

I don't know.

It's just easier this way.

I mean, I have to dress up when

I go to the office or when I'm

out with clients, but when we go out,

well, what does it matter?

Oh, you don't think I matter?

No, no, no, no, no.

That came out wrong.

What I meant to say was, what's the

point?

Oh, well, thanks for clearing that up.

I feel much better now.

Jake, I really thought I could get past

the appearance thing with you.

You also got past the honesty thing.

No, Jake, I...

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Look, you should care what you look like

when you go out with me, even if

I can't see you.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying I don't think this is gonna

work out.

Goodbye, Heidi.

That was your solution?

To say goodbye?

What else was I supposed to do?

You tell her to go home, hose off,

and put on her dress.

That's like having an incredible piece of candy.

So what if it falls on the floor?

You pick it up, wipe off the dirt,

and pop it back in your mouth.

Hey, Rats, coffee, please.

Well, well, if it isn't Dr. Strangelove.

Yeah, fine, fine.

Take your best shot.

Oh, that wasn't my best shot.

I got lots more.

Dr. Becker, I know you're still mad at

me, but if it helps, here, my life

savings, $300.

Well, $260 of it is mine, $40 I

took from the cash box at work.

Just don't be mad at me anymore, please?

Oh, here, Linda.

You know, keep the money.

Actually, give me the $40 back, but you

can keep the rest.

You know, I-I-I know you...

I-I know you meant well.

You know, I-I thought about it, and

I realized that, you know, maybe I was

focusing on the negative and what could have

been a fun experience.

Margaret told you to say that, didn't she?

Shut up, will you?

Look, I don't care how it happened.

Thank you, Dr. Becker.

Oh, hey, no.

Thank you.

No, don't.

I-I mean, uh...

Yeah, it's okay.

It's okay.

Oh, by the way, there's a message for

you at the office.

Some guy named Trent called.

He said he knows you're not gay, but

if you just give him five minutes, he's

sure he could change your mind.

Tell him no thanks.

Five minutes?

What could he possibly do in five minutes?