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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Who's up?

Oh, you're not going to believe this.

Mr. Brown is in one with something gross.

And Mrs. Gross is in two with something

brown.

Thanks for the heads up.

Doctor's office.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Fouts.

You want an appointment at four on Wednesday?

Oh, four is no good.

That's when Dr. Becker takes his nap.

Oh, yeah, five's no good either.

He wakes up really cranky.

Mrs. Fouts, four o'clock is fine.

See you then.

What are you up to?

If I tell you what you let me

do and no questions asked.

Okay, here's the thing.

I signed up for a five o'clock

spinning class at my gym.

Spinning?

Yeah, it's an exercise.

You get on a bicycle, listen to really

loud music while this gay guy screams at

you.

Oh, that would be just perfect except for

one thing.

Let's see, what was that?

Oh, yes, you have a job.

Okay, but the next time I screw up,

and I will, let it be on your

head.

Hi.

Is Dr. Becker in?

Well, he's with a patient right now.

Can I help you?

Yes, my name's Darcy Thompson, and he and

I have a date tonight.

A date?

With John Becker?

Yes, and unfortunately, I need to push it

back a half an hour.

Oh, well, I would just be happy to

give him that message.

You're so nice.

Thank you so much.

No problem.

Can you set up an EKG for Mr.

Brown, please?

Oh, sure, I'd be glad to.

Oh, and you got a message from somebody

named Darcy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, right, right, right, Darcy.

She's an old lady, actually, in my building.

She, poor dear, has got some hip trouble.

Oh, well, she looked pretty hip to me.

Almost like a beautiful 25-year-old.

She was here?

Uh-huh.

Oh, and your date's been pushed back half

an hour.

All right, fine, you busted me, all right,

you happy?

Yeah, but she's not 25.

She happens to be 27 and a half.

So where did you two meet?

Chuck E.

Cheese?

As a matter of fact, she happens to

be one of the lawyers that handled that

car accident I witnessed about a month ago.

Remember that?

Oh, I didn't know you could chase an

ambulance on a tricycle.

As a matter of fact, you know, Darcy

and I have a lot in common.

Like what?

I don't know.

We just started going out.

Give me a break, will you?

You know, you want to know the truth?

She asked me out.

Oh, was that before or after you lured

her to your car with candy?

Reg, you're in big trouble.

Right on the street is Denise Shaw, saw

you flirting with her boyfriend.

Denise Shaw?

From high school?

Yeah.

Anyway, seems you're at the hardware store where

she works and she saw you putting the

moves on her boyfriend.

So now, Miss Shaw has you stuck in

her craw.

What?

It's a clever turn of phrase.

Oh, I'm wasting on you people.

I would never flirt with her boyfriend.

I don't know where she got that stupid

idea.

Well, you must have made her jealous somehow.

Okay, did you do that little thing you

do when you want a guy to ask

you out?

What little thing?

Give him your number.

Shut up.

Anyway, Bob's advice, stay out of that hardware

store.

Denise is really pissed.

Well, I'd be pissed too if I worked

in a hardware store.

I mean, what kind of loser job is

that?

Morning.

Reg, coffee, please.

In a minute, have a seat.

You and I have some business to take

care of.

Oh, yeah?

What are you talking about?

I hear you have a girlfriend.

You should have her drop by.

I have a booster seat.

Yeah, so Margaret called you, huh?

Well, me and four others.

Now I'm supposed to call five people.

So Becker's taking a walk down Sesame Street.

Yeah, looks like Oscar the Grouch has a

girlfriend.

Always fun when the seals at the zoo

get a new ball.

Give me some coffee, will you?

Not so fast, Becker.

When I dated that college kid, you gave

me all kinds of crap.

Now it's payback time.

So what do you two talk about?

Who's the cutest backstreet boy?

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, Reg.

How she did at soccer practice?

Look.

How hard long division is.

I agree with you.

I'm a walking cliche.

Come on, this is no fun if you

don't get upset.

You know, she asked me out.

What was I supposed to do, you know,

tell her that the woman who pours my

coffee doesn't approve?

You know, for your information, my younger woman

is incredible.

Your little boy was a joke.

Just when I thought they retired your jersey,

turns out you're still a player.

Yeah, Bob has a newfound respect.

This isn't fair.

I date a younger guy, and everybody thinks

I'm some desperate cradle robber, but Becker does

it, and he's your hero.

Well, that's because we're guys.

You're just perpetuating a sexist double standard.

That's what guys do.

So I was running late for court.

I pull up, and some guy is parked

across two spaces.

So you double parked and blocked him in,

right?

Well, you gotta send a message.

Damn right.

I love this place.

Reminds me of when I was in law

school and had absolutely no money.

Oh, yeah.

Just because Ming's prices are low doesn't mean

he doesn't use real meat.

See, says so right there.

Anything else, Dr. Becker?

No, that's fine, Ming.

You're Ming?

No, I'm Bill.

I bought this place from Ming a couple

of years ago.

So he calls you Ming because...

Apparently, we Asians all look alike.

So your niece here enjoy her meal?

She's not my niece.

She's my date.

Get the hell out of here.

So what happened?

Did you have old man on your list

for the scavenger hunt?

Boy, I tell you, when two people eat

here, it really adds up.

What?

No, uh...

Ah, there it is.

The coupon.

You know, John, this whole age thing doesn't

matter to me.

I don't look at this as dating a

50-year-old.

I look at it as dating you.

Oh, boy, I wish I met you 30

years ago.

Of course, if I had, you still wouldn't

have been born for another three years.

You know, I don't have to be in

court tomorrow until 11.

Oh, good.

Any chance you have a bottle of wine

back at your place?

Wine?

No, actually, I don't.

Do you have beer?

Uh, no.

Do you have any water?

Well, of course, of course I have water.

Oh, oh.

You just want to go back to my

place.

Yeah, but thank you for making it as

awkward as possible.

I'm sorry, it's...

It's just that I haven't done this for...

Done this for...

You okay?

Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Just, uh, all of a sudden got a

little flush.

I got some chest pains here.

Should I call someone?

No, no, no, not chest pain.

Just more of a pain in the chest.

Yeah, I think it's just heartburn, you know?

I'm a doctor.

I know what I'm talking about.

You know, maybe we could make it an

early night, though.

Is that all right with you?

Oh, um, sure.

There'll be others.

Yeah.

At least I hope there will be.

Come on, Margaret, why can't I leave early?

You're always saying I don't do anything.

What's the difference if I do an hour

less of it?

All right, if you really want to leave

at four, why don't you come in an

hour early?

An hour early, that's like nine o'clock.

That's like eight o'clock.

Oh.

Hi, Bob.

Salt, pepper.

So, Rich, I just ran into Denise Shaw

again, and I tried to smooth things out

between you two.

Bob, there's nothing to smooth out.

Just leave it alone.

It's too late.

She said some very unkind things.

But don't worry, I stuck up for you.

What did you tell her?

You know, all that stuff you said about

her being stupid, not wanting a boyfriend, her

being a loser.

You don't talk like that to Denise Shaw.

She's a psycho.

In ninth grade, she stuck a pencil in

my arm just for fun.

Well, you should have thought of that before

you hit on a boyfriend.

Because according to her, your ass, and I'm

just quoting here, is grass.

Well, what am I supposed to do now?

I think the best thing you can do

is to just lay low.

For God's sake, keep your mouth shut.

You keep my mouth shut.

Jake.

Well, if it isn't close encounters with the

third grade.

Get away from me, will you, Bob?

Hey, you sound a little cranky, John.

I thought sleeping with a 27-year-old

might mellow you out.

Well, I wouldn't know.

We didn't sleep together.

I had a little problem.

You know, they got pills for that.

Hell, you're a doctor.

You've got pills for that.

Didn't I tell you to go away?

Hey, I'm just buying gum.

I'll tell you later, Jack.

It wasn't that kind of problem.

After we ate, I got these chest pains.

Well, you always get chest pains when the

bill comes.

I'm fine.

Thanks for asking.

Maybe you were just a little nervous.

I'm not nervous.

What would I be nervous about?

About the fact that a 27-year-old

was going to see that your 50-year

-old body looks like it needs ironing.

Yeah, it could be any number of things,

John.

I mean, it could be that you're worried

that she knows a whole bunch of new

sexual tricks.

No, come on.

It's not like I don't know what's going

on out there.

I got cable.

Well, maybe it was just performance anxiety.

It was not performance anxiety.

Maybe you're just afraid you'll die.

There you go.

18.50 from a 20.

You need change?

No, that's fine.

You can keep it.

Thanks.

Now I can buy that subway token I

had my eye on.

You know, John, I'm thinking that it's still

early.

Yeah.

It might be nice if we went back

to my place.

We could do that.

My parents won't be home until around midnight.

What?

I'm kidding.

Oh.

All right.

You know, John, I've really enjoyed going out

with you, and I think that maybe we're

ready to take this relationship to the next

step.

I mean, it might feel a little soon,

but I feel that we really, um, connect.

You're having those chest pains again, aren't you?

No, no, I'm fine.

You know what, Linda?

I was thinking about what you said before,

and you were right.

I was?

What about?

About leaving early.

There really is no reason for both of

us to be here after four o'clock.

Oh, Margaret, thank you.

Which is why I signed up for a

pottery class.

I'll be leaving early today.

Damn.

Never saw that coming.

Never saw that coming.

Oh, barge right in, why don't you?

What in the world are you doing?

Why are you checking your heart?

Relax, will you?

I'm fine.

See?

Okay, it's normal, but why are you checking?

Are you in pain?

No.

Now I am.

Now, are you gonna tell me the truth

or you wanna go for two?

No, no, keep your hands off me, will

you, Margaret?

All right.

You know, like it's any of your business,

but last couple of nights, Darcy and I

have been going out to dinner, and at

the end of the evening, I got these

chest pains, and I'm just ruling stuff out.

Well, did you rule out the part about

you dating a teenager?

I've already told you, Margaret.

You know, she's way into her mid-to

-late 20s.

John, these chest pains are obviously your mind

telling your body that what you're doing is

foolish.

Oh, I see.

You've already consulted with your fellow physicians down

at Reggie's Hold the Mayo Clinic.

John, but a 27-year-old?

That's just not you.

Well, it could be me.

Why can't it be me?

I mean, every day you're reading the paper

about some old fart dating some young, beautiful

woman.

Those men are rich.

Look, Margaret, I have no idea what she

sees in me, but obviously she sees something.

Her daddy?

Yeah.

It's very amusing, very amusing.

I'll tell you something.

I'm gonna continue dating Darcy.

I don't care what you say.

Why don't you just leave me alone?

I know what I'm doing, Margaret.

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

So look who pulled into the station.

The little engine that couldn't move.

You know, Bob, everything you say to me

just mirrors your own inadequacies.

Isn't that basically just, I'm rubber, you're glue?

I know exactly what your problem is.

Your anxiety about age difference is manifesting itself

psychosomatically as heart palpitations.

What is this?

Open mic night at your psychology class?

Becker, relax.

It happens.

Everyone gets insecure about dating.

Even me.

Even you?

You're the poster child.

All right.

I guess I'm not one to talk.

Broke, divorced.

What do I have to offer a woman?

Intense relief when you leave.

You know, there are times when I'm with

a woman and I start to feel...

Oh, hell, who am I kidding?

I'm cool.

Sorry, Becker.

You're just like everyone else.

Same doubts, same fears.

Well, I hate to break it to you.

You're normal.

You can't talk to me like that.

You know, you call me a lot of

things.

You call me neurotic, damaged, obstinate, inappropriate.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to

sit there and let you tell me that

I'm normal.

I'm not normal.

I'm abnormal.

When he's right, he's right.

Hey, Reg.

Look who's outside.

Denise Shaw.

What the hell is she doing here?

Did I forget to mention that she was

coming here to kick your ass?

Mom!

You said you were going to fix this.

I thought I did.

I told her that you didn't want anything

to do with a psycho like her and

that she better back off.

Apparently, she took that the wrong way.

It just occurred to me that I may

have caused a problem here.

So, let me give you a little advice.

Lead with the left, work the body.

I'm just going to slip out the back.

So, Reggie.

Denise.

It's been a long time.

Denise, you look good.

You let your hair grow out.

You know, not that the buzz cut didn't

look nice.

Save the compliments, huh?

We weren't friends in high school and we're

not friends now.

I just came over to...

You mind?

This is personal.

Relax.

I can't pick you out of a lineup.

I'm blind.

Are you deaf, too?

Take a hike.

Okay.

Look, Denise.

I wasn't flirting with your boyfriend.

Just shut up and listen.

I'm not here to fight.

I don't have a boyfriend.

I made that up so I'd have an

excuse to talk to Bob.

Bob?

Yeah.

Ever since high school, I've had a thing

for the little mutt.

Now, I know you were really crushed when

he dumped you.

But I...

He said he dumped me?

I know it's painful.

Anyway, I was just talking trash to impress

him.

I wasn't really going to kick your ass.

Well, that's all I wanted to say.

Denise, wait.

Sit down.

You didn't have to go through all that.

There are plenty of ways to attract Bob.

You see, what Bob hides from the world

is that he's shy and sensitive.

He's never going to make the first move.

So if you really want him, you just

tell him you're going out and don't take

no for an answer.

You really think so?

I know so.

Thanks.

That was cold.

Well, apparently, I was crushed when Bob and

I broke up.

Now it's his turn.

Well, according to my fortune cookie, my evening

holds promise.

How are we looking?

I feel great.

I have no problems.

Yeah?

I'm only asking because it's usually about the

time when you start to sweat and clutch

your chest.

Darcy, look.

What happened before is not going to happen

tonight.

What didn't happen before could happen tonight if

that's what you'd like.

John, save your strength.

And just to be safe, why don't I

get the check?

Oh, I can't believe it.

John.

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

It's obvious that something else is going on

here.

And I'm starting to think that it might

be me.

No, it's me.

It's stupid me.

Maybe everybody's right.

What are you talking about?

Oh, come on, Darcy.

It's obvious.

I'm way too old for you.

I don't think so.

Yeah, but what do you know?

You're just a kid.

I've lost more reading glasses than you've had

birthdays.

Obviously, my anxiety over all of this is

manifesting itself in these chest pains.

John, let's talk about this.

If you're having a problem with seeing me...

You know, it's not just me who's having

a problem here.

I mean, come on.

What about you, you know?

What are you working out here?

I'm obviously, what, a father figure to you?

No.

My father takes me to great restaurants.

Look, all I'm saying is, look, it's a

little strange.

Isn't it?

A young, beautiful woman like you attracted to

me?

I mean, I'm not rich.

Yeah, I'm not powerful.

I'm...

John, I'm a lawyer.

I know a closing argument when I hear

one.

Oh, Darcy.

Oh, forget it.

You were right.

One of us does have a lot of

growing up to do, and it's not me.

Everything all right here?

No, everything's not all right.

I just gave up a great relationship with

a beautiful young woman.

I didn't want to say anything, but you

did look kind of ridiculous together.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Hey, you're not the only one having a

bad day here.

I just had to fire my new chef.

Turns out he was using MSG.

Excuse me?

Yeah, he was using tons of the stuff.

But you don't use MSG.

I mean, that's why I come here.

I'm allergic to MSG.

Yeah, you and a lot of my other

customers.

People were sweating, short of breath.

One poor fool actually thought he was having

a heart attack.

I don't believe...

I've been sitting here thinking I'm neurotic, and

the whole time you're trying to poison me?

Oh, come on.

You're not dead.

Chill.

I'll make it up to you.

How about a coupon for a free dinner?

A coupon?

This is my life you're talking about here,

my future.

You can't just buy me off with free

food.

Seven.

Three.

Five.

Done.

You know you can still go after her.

Oh.

No, I...

At least this way she'll always wonder what

might have been instead of knowing just how

bad it could be.

Excuse me, sir.

You don't look so good.

You're not allergic to MSG, are you?

No.

Check, please.

Oh, God.