Original subtitles

-Watch "The Vampire Lestat: After Dark"

on AMC+ or wherever you get your podcasts.

- Previously on "The Vampire Lestat"...

- What do you think about the Great Conversion?

- Vampires taking over the world.

Fucking stupid.

- I saw Claudia in New York, someone who looked like her.

Thank you, Regina.

- Eff this. Eff you. We quit.

- I'm guessing you haven't heard from my maker.

- I'm sorry you were burdened out of spite.

- Where does the bullshit start?

Armand? Amadeo?

- My name is Arun.

- Hello, Arun. - I am an addict.

I love you, Lestat.

- There's not room enough in this box for your desperation.

- I have this weird thing that happens.

Suddenly, everyone around me disappears, and I feel him.

- Stop. Armand.

- Gabriella Vecce, my first fledgling.

She died. - What the hell?

He was crying fucking blood tears.

Did no one see that?

- It brought poor Dan to his knees

and seeded a hate for me inside him.

How long are you gonna stay?

I saw you two times last century.

It's not an unreasonable question.

[piano music]

- All rockers sing about the road.

It's practically preordained.

♪ ♪

Seger turned the page. Brown loaded out.

Jon Bon played for keeps

because he had too many doubts.

[chuckles] I mean, that's not the lyric,

but it should have been.

And Phil X was a better guitarist than Richie Sambora.

There, I said it so you don't have to.

I'm rambling a bit here. What am I trying to say?

Clichés about the road can be concussive,

but it doesn't make them conclusive.

- Let's get the old guy in the front

to watch you choke me.

- It can grind you down or deliver you home.

And which would it be for our Marginal Mystery Tour

back in the bosom of the nifty 50 United States?

Digitally, there was some optimism,

as somewhere between the P Diddler

and Chipotle's new Adobo Ranch sauce,

The Vampire Lestat found itself momentarily trending.

Cell phone footage of yours truly went viral

as both irrefutable proof of the cloud gift

and deepfake Antichrist.

More red meat for Reddit.

But a shot in the arm for your front man,

distracted by a lingering muse and the sudden disappearance

of the Vampire Sofia.

I would later find out the hits were

predominantly bots paid for

out of a Talamasca discretionary fund.

Should your privileged purse strings

become interested in pursuing the actual truth

of our recent apocalyptic adversities,

look no further than that watchful order

of the river of discreet money flowing in dark directions.

Nonetheless, I was in my grand brat phase,

with more gigs in the rearview than the road ahead.

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

And our bus never stopped for gas.

We ran on bots and abandonment.

[sirens wailing]

[frantic chatter]

- Take this shit. Dump that shit. Be careful.

Don't get it on the floor.

[frantic chatter continues]

- Just dump it. Just dump it.

- Ew. Ew! - You need this shit?

- Can I eat this one too?

[dog barking]

- Let me guess, 71 in a 65?

- You want to tell me what's in that bowl right there?

- That's cocaine. - He exercises his...

right to remain silent.

- You mind repeating that for the body cam?

- Oh, the body cam, democracy's compact mirror,

which is funny, because that was a joke,

because this is actually, um, powdered makeup.

[dog barking]

- Delilah doesn't bark at makeup.

I'm gonna have you all step outside now.

- You'll need a judge's warrant, so--

- Why don't you take a seat?

Come, Delilah. Take a seat.

Delilah was right.

It is cocaine.

We are a rock band.

And we need it to do our job properly,

just as you need your firearm

and your expansive interpretation

of the Fourth Amendment to do your job properly.

- Lestat, that's-- - That's her line.

I stole it from her. She is a very good lawyer.

Now, you do

one of the most difficult jobs in our society.

You see humanity at its worst every shift you take.

And I can only imagine how that affects your judgment

and your home life.

- It does.

- If it were up to me, I would not allow

anybody who puts on the uniform

to work more than 35 hours a week.

- Thank you.

- This arrest would go poorly.

The blood tests that you would administer on me

would be weird.

- Get the body cam.

- And your precinct would be put in harm's way.

- You look very pretty now. - Yeah.

You go be the rough man standing,

ready to do violence on our behalf.

Officer Giloogly took a week off.

TC thought for the first time, maybe she could be a vampire.

Larry wished his brother could have been there.

And on a computer hard drive in a public library

somewhere on the eastern seaboard,

a manifesto waited patiently.

We were on the devil's road now,

hurtling towards end times.

["All Fall Down"]

♪ ♪

♪ I'm the little killer ♪

♪ I'm the lonely one ♪

♪ I'm the chill creeping up your spine ♪

♪ Telling you to run ♪

♪ I'm a hanging shadow ♪

♪ I'm a lost love ♪

♪ I'm the past and the future ♪

♪ The last of the sutures, the cooing dove ♪

♪ We're the rock and rollers ♪

♪ We're the good time ♪

♪ We're the heart pumping blood ♪

♪ We're the face in the mud ♪

♪ We're this stupid rhyme ♪

♪ Bang, bang - ♪ Bang, bang ♪

- ♪ Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang ♪

♪ All fall down ♪

♪ Burn the ground ♪

♪ All fall down ♪

♪ Burn the ♪

♪ Bang, bang - ♪ Bang, bang ♪

- ♪ Bang, bang - ♪ Bang, bang ♪

- ♪ Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang ♪

Do you hear that, Armand?

[static crackling]

- You are listening to "The Failures,"

Album 33, Side B.

[gentle piano music]

- Service stations. Travel plazas.

Off the Autobahn they're called Raststatte.

On the devil's road, these liminal spaces

have no name,

for the occupants are not aware

they need rest or service.

- What can I get you?

Hi. What can I get you?

Menu? Coffee?

Anything to drink?

- Louis du Lac or Thomas Pitt

or he who licenses and franchises the night

was more feared than wanted now.

And he could do his business wherever he wanted.

And being in the same space with her

was satisfying in a way the destruction

of the Vampire Bruce was not.

He told himself he was in control.

We all did that year.

- Best thing to do with our burger

is let it cool till the grease is all soaked, bread's all wet.

- I'm getting to it. - All right.

Well, Chef gets all aggy when plates come back untouched.

♪ ♪

[bell dings] That's better.

Now you know you shouldn't eat here.

- [laughs]

- Regina! [bell rings]

- Bethnal Green?

Hackney? - Piss off. Hackney?

- Homerton?

- What do you know about East?

- I got a place in Marylebone.

- Exactly, you posh boy.

Get Hackney off the tube map, did you?

You ever even stepped foot in zone two?

- Miss, I think that's mine.

- Mine till I give it to you.

[soft rock music playing]

Burn your mouth you eat it now.

- What you doing in Brooklyn?

- You're here three times in five nights,

Marylebone, with your cashmere sweatsuit.

- You a student?

- I'm a waitress.

And my ass ain't on the menu,

but it does cost, so tip better.

You can afford it. - Oh, no.

No, no. You got me wrong.

I'm, uh, spoken for.

- Oh, you're gay.

- Gay, gay, gay.

- Burn my ass up. You're gay.

You order burgers. You don't like burgers.

You're a riddle, Thomas Pitt, or just cheap rich.

- And you know, it's, like, essentially, like,

a middle school cheer with the big crowd claps

on the Roland for the backbeat.

- Lyrics? - Working on some.

[chuckles] That's my little pizza vampire.

- Just show--sing him a song.

- All right.

From the--from the verse? - No, no, from the chorus.

Go from the-- - It's weird.

It's wild, man. - One, two, one, two, three!

- ♪ Big bus ♪

♪ Drink a little cup ♪

♪ Big bus ♪

♪ You better watch out ♪

♪ 'Cause he is hungry ♪

♪ And his name is Lestat It'll rhyme better.

- I mean, it's all, like, gigs and gas and gear

and sharing a shitter with Salamander.

But, you know--

- ♪ Oh, snap, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

- Wait, really? Are you serious?

- It'll make more sense. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

Wait, hold on. - Dude, yes.

- Like... ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

BGVs on the choruses.

Literally, they're like... ♪ The 1, 7, 3, 4 ♪

♪ Or the 1, 3, 4, 6 ♪

- Seventh is better.

Than you can set it up on the verses with an A, maybe.

All the verses on an A with the turnaround on G,

like they're flipping their ponytails before every line.

- Stop it! That's so cute.

- We're talking to two of the majors.

Why would I tell you that?

- Lover.

Sony? Warner?

- [whispering] Forebody.

- Who?

- FixBarrel, Rylo Pi, The Bethanys.

- Rylo's tight.

- I like offers.

- He doesn't like The Bethanys?

both: ♪ Show us your tits! ♪

- Your singer.

- Fuckin' hell. Jesus.

- Shit, and you die.

- If vampires kill and Jesus saves,

what does the Vampire Messiah owe the world?

- Ooh.

A playful handbag, and a lie told well.

- Where is Sofia?

- No idea. Do you miss her?

- I was making a play, but Czechstat jumped the line.

He's been glum ever since you rolled the pony

and Christine stuck him in that Chevy Malibu.

Why don't you just use the mind gift?

- Oh, telepathy takes energy, as you know, Dan,

and I save all mine for Wor-chester, Massachusetts.

- Worcester. - Wor-chester.

- Worcester.

- Wor-chest-ester.

- Worcester, Massachusetts.

- Ridiculous. [phone pings]

Oh, look, she's getting her twat lasered

by a Mi'kmaq in Bar Harbor.

- It's Mi'kmaw.

Mi'kmaq is the whole people.

- Oh, thank you, Fareed.

- Are you getting this? - We're good, we're good.

- She's gonna meet us in Albany.

Sloppy thirds for the Vampire Bourdain.

- Let's talk about your mother.

- My mother?

- Gabriella?

- Mm.

Why let the past stay in the past?

I welcome the dead.

- Cool.

Let's see what failures we can pin on dear old mom.

- Not much left to tell, I'm afraid.

She took like Nicky did.

- A great love.

Not your first love.

- We left the theatre to your maker

and stole away by carriage.

She stopped talking almost immediately.

- Once we're there, wherever there is,

we are fallen French nobles.

- A lesser family, an obscure name.

Coligny, Courcillon.

- Who escaped the guillotine by fleeing to the...

- The Dutch Republic.

- Which is known for...

- Very little. [both laugh]

We can go wherever we want.

- We can be whoever we want.

Skittish letter carriers one night

and dashing highwaymen the next.

- We forgot one thing.

- That is?

- The roof and the two coffins strapped to it.

[both laugh]

People will be curious.

- We can say we're undertakers.

- And then they will ask questions,

and we will risk exposure.

- We'll have to kill them.

[both laugh]

No, no, no. I know.

We will say, that is our dear departed Uncle Marius,

who was bored to death by our tart nephew, Armand.

- And what of the other coffin, Madame?

- Hmm. Um...

- Then we will have to kill them.

[both laugh]

My mortal mother was vibrant.

As a vampire, she was remote.

She could not function.

- By "function," you mean what?

- She would not hunt.

I had to carry her to coffin.

She used the last of her energies to write me a note.

"Leave me in a clearing. Leave me to the day."

I always did what my mother asked.

- A mama's boy.

[seagull calls]

- Are you close to your mother, Fareed?

- She passed.

- Were you there when she died?

- I was on a plane on the way to see her.

My sister told me when I landed.

[brakes hiss]

- And where were you when your daddy killed you

on an airplane, Dan?

On your way to see your daughters, your Alice,

or just your book agent?

- Did you eat his watermelon? [indistinct chatter]

- No way! - [screaming]

[laughter and cheering]

- Hey. Oh. - Good to see you.

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh, good.

- ♪ Come on, come on ♪

Didn't want to believe it.

- Oh, my God.

- You snake. - Hey, singer.

- Are you gonna stop bitching now?

- You were missed.

- Ah, the piece of shit brothers are back.

- You are listening to "The Failures,"

Album 37, Side A.

[rock music]

- Rosenthal!

Apuzzo!

Farrow!

- ♪ This song is called ♪

♪ My sister's portrait ♪

- Come on. Come on.

Greenwald!

[muffled music]

♪ ♪

[muffled clattering and chatter]

- Hello, Daniel.

It's me.

- Hi, Dad.

- I can only imagine your anger--

- Stop!

Turn around.

Walk in the opposite direction

until you're halfway around the world.

Once there, find a radioactive storage facility

and, as is your way, asshole your way inside

and see if the workers will give you a couple

of spent fuel rods to suck on.

Do that for however long it takes

until your eyes begin to cave in

and your dick falls off.

After that, lose my number.

After that, fuck off!

[pins clatter]

[indistinct chatter]

- I have been enduring intense conversation with myself.

And as part of this journey, I wish to read you

something I have written from the deepest regions of my soul.

"Dear Daniel, of all things that walk the garden,

"it is you I have done the most harm to,

and it is to you I"--

- Wait, wait, wait. [laughs]

Are you doing the Steps?

Oh, my God. [laughs]

- "I know this is 52 years late"--

- Wait a minute. What group would have you?

What, the Pseudologia Pensioner Fuckboys for Sobriety?

- "I know when we first met"-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I've done this myself once.

Let me try.

"Hey, Son. Dad here.

"Sorry about the deadbeat, no-child-support vibe

"I've been giving off for the past two years.

"Sorry about killing you on a private jet.

"I probably could have waited till you crossed the GW,

"but no, your vampire birth certificate

"resides in fucking Newark.

"Oh, oh, oh, and one more thing,

"you're not gonna get any of my special vamp skills

"because my blood sucks.

"And oh, by the way,

"I'm a friendless bottom twink sociopath.

"Sorry about Dubai.

"Sorry about San Francisco.

"And hey, a big-time sorry

"about every second in your life in between--

"the two divorces,

"the blackout years at Knight Ridder,

"the five trips to rehab,

"the year listening to Phish.

"Yeah, that's all on me.

"But hey, boyo, you have to admit

"that it really does all boomerang 'round

"at Castro Street

"and your weekend at Mengele's, doesn't it?

"I'm really sorry about that, Danny.

"It was my job to put you out of your misery.

"But, hey, when a bucket of Louisiana fried chicken

"walks into the room and says, 'Stop,' well, what can I say?

"I'm just a 500-year-old pussy.

Oops!"

Pick up the tab, will you, Pops?

[mellow music playing]

♪ ♪

- Done some googling.

You're, like, the 566th richest man in the world,

according to wealth aggregator.

- Am I? - [chuckles]

So is Marylebone all pussyfoot humble?

- How's your bank account, Zone 2?

- Put it like this.

Ceiling tiles fell off the ceiling in my flat

and, like, mice fell out.

- Lucky it's mice, not rats.

- And wires fell dangling down in the living room.

Had to duct tape the electronics to the wall.

Had a few mod hopes for New York,

but so far it's been, like, six flatmates and one toilet.

And it's like, do I take my tampon out

in front of the podcaster been with us since Tuesday?

Meanwhile, man's living at the top of Domino Square

and owns, like, naff Dracula hotels

with coffin wallpaper.

- [laughs] I got a mixed set of holdings.

- And I got a mixed set of punters,

but you're the only one watching me like I'm Netflix.

- Oh.

If I'm bothering you--

- Regina.

- It's just, you've been helping me,

just--just being you.

You caught me at a lonely hour.

And I don't want to put this on you.

- Sure, you do.

It's right there, in your jaw.

What is it?

I remind you of your sis?

- We got to do something about your mice problem.

Let's talk about that.

- Or is it, your year-three teacher

hanged herself at school, and you found her

with her legs all stiff?

- In a million guesses, you would not guess.

You're asking?

- I'm asking.

- Regina!

- You know this book?

- Seen it, I think.

Horror book?

- No, it's real.

There's a girl in it.

- What happened to her?

♪ ♪

- Sorry.

[choral singing]

♪ ♪

- Will we hear the church bells

over their wine-drunk hearts echoing off the walls?

- Have you lost your monk's teachings, Master?

The bells are silent on Holy Saturday.

- Beneficent whipping and no soup served.

The lesson did not hold, it seems.

How many hearts do you hear in the dwelling?

[hearts thumping]

- 30.

- 32.

- The procession makes it hard to keep the numbers.

- 32 hearts and only 27 bodies.

There's a card game upstairs.

- Three more.

- And two in the cellar.

- In flagrante delicto.

- On Holy Saturday, no less.

- Mm.

- [clears throat]

Did you come here as a girl?

- Never.

Passed by in my horse-drawn cage,

wrapped head to foot in black lace,

veil over my eyes, bible in my hands.

Oh.

Marius approaches. - [chuckles]

- Mi scusi, signora. - Hmm, si?

- [speaking Italian]

- Ah.

- I'm not a Vecce anymore.

Not a marquise, not a wife,

not a mother, not a woman.

- What, then?

- I'm a fever that comes in the night

and kills by the morning.

["Plastic Fiends"]

The Christ is thirsty.

- So was he clutching Jesus while you sucked him off?

- I believe we left plaster savior

in the corner facing the wall.

It was Holy Saturday, after all.

- Great.

I think we're decidedly sold on your sexual fluidity.

- Dan's still angry about a little trick

I played on him the other night, Andrew.

It is Andrew, right? Huh?

- Andrew Miliken, Forebody Records.

- Well, I didn't trash a $50,000 car afterwards.

Maybe you're still angry. - [laughs]

It was a gift, Dan, from one vampire to another.

It was not for our film.

- I don't need your gift.

- Missing the psychodrama of Dubai?

Do you want me to play dumb like your maker

and pretend you're two steps ahead of me?

- So what, this guy's, like, your sponsor?

- I'm not really using that word, you know?

I talk to him, like, every other night.

And he's-- [laughs]

This is gonna sound like a can of corn.

- I like corn.

- He's like a god.

- Mm.

Gods and record deals

popping up like crazy right now.

- I don't think mine can float.

But all that shit I was carrying,

I was putting onto other people, onto you,

this guy erased it all, brother.

- So what's this god's name?

- Now, that-- that I gotta keep.

- The thought never crossed your mind, Dan?

- No. - No?

[laughs]

What was his reasoning, again? Love?

Armand could not read your mind

because he was sitting two feet from Louis.

- You were 5,000 feet from Louis after you dropped him.

That was love, right?

♪ ♪

- Tell me, Andrew, why does the undead need antibodies?

- Cut, cut, cut. - OK, all right.

Cool. No bullshit.

I didn't know you were alive three days ago.

- I haven't been alive for 265 years.

- I watched the video.

- He watched the levitation video.

- Did a deep dive on the band, the Beautiful Unwell,

flew here to Albany, playing "Long Face,"

"Plastic Fiends," and "Loneliness"

in a loop on my Beats.

Saw the show. [line ringing]

It's impossible.

Saw the fans waiting outside the hotel.

Impossible.

I saw the protesters outside the hotel.

- ♪ You, now sing it with me ♪

[vocalizing] [line ringing]

♪ ♪

- [screaming]

♪ ♪

- Real promotion and real market infiltration.

- If Dee says it's a yes, then it's a yes.

- The person you are calling is unavailable.

Please leave a message. - Hello?

It's I.

I hope you're in a quiet yurt

with a view of the cell phone tower you burned down.

I gather you are not coming to Albany.

It's feeling somewhat, Sofie-ella,

deliberate.

- [moaning]

[man speaking Italian]

- [choking]

- [moaning]

[breathing heavily]

- I could hear you through the walls.

- And?

- And it annoyed me!

- And your annoyance

carried you out of your room,

through the courtyard, and into my room?

- When I killed the wolves

and you tended my wounds...

We were

mother and son.

- And?

[waves crashing]

[whispering] I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

[waves crashing]

[distant sirens wailing]

- Still the early riser, I see.

- You are listening to "The Failures,"

Album 40, Side B.

- How did you get in here? Where's my band?

The nomad Armand,

with passport stamps from India, Venice,

Paris, San Francisco, Dubai, he entered our tour

in diminutive disguise, faded wallpaper,

waiting for lights to dim so it could peel off

and suffocate you in the dark.

What are you doing here, Armand?

He would do more damage than the Queen ever did.

- I have been enduring intense conversation with myself.

- Uh-huh.

- And as part of this journey, I wish to read you

something I've written from the deepest regions of my soul.

- You have no soul.

- Can I just read it?

- "When I first encountered you in Paris,

your dynamic personality overwhelmed me."

- Naturally.

- "Knowing your maker's temperament,

I should have led with patience and with empathy."

- Instead, you use my lover as bait to draw me

and my mother into your underground death orgy.

- Yes.

- I'm going to shower. Continue.

Siri, shower playlist. [beeps]

- "When you helped me rebuild the Paris coven

"with your visionary conceit of a vampire theatre

whilst sharing your body and blood--"

[clears throat]

"I artlessly assumed companionship,

"which was, upon reflection,

wish-fulfilling delusion rooted in childhood conflict."

[clears throat]

[gentle music playing]

"Your exit from Paris and beyond generous endowment

you left us with was graceful and sensitive..."

- [chuckles]

[moans]

- [clears throat]

"Graceful and sensitive.

"And I shamefully blamed your mother.

"When I had the opportunity to speak truth

"to Louis concerning my involvement

in the matinée production of"--

- Not a production, an actual trial

with definitive sentences of death.

- "I retreated to cowardice and was dumbfounded

"by your silence in the ruined tower of your former maker.

"I walked the rest of the century

"on a carpet of egg shells, knowing at any moment

"you could reach out to Louis and make him the wiser.

At first, I felt it was you torturing me."

- It was.

- "Now I know it was richness of character."

- No.

It was torture.

I knew it would eat you alive

and, tangentially, make Louis miserable.

And that is how I chose to spend the latter half

of the 20th century.

I'm having a good time now.

But I see you, and it suggests to me

that time is over.

Because you are a fuck cloud, Armand.

It's your nature.

Be who you are.

But be it on the other side of the moon,

or kill yourself.

Siri, pause.

[music stops]

- I'll leave the pages here.

- Fine.

- Oh, and one more thing, Lestat.

- You want me to stop playing music?

- Yes.

- The vampires are listening to my songs.

They believe that they can live as I do.

They're making too many. The mortals won't allow it.

The planet can't support it. - Yes.

- Hmm. I've got five more shows.

I'm getting bored, as I do.

You should come to one before it's over.

I'm quite sexy.

[doorbell jingles]

[soft rock music playing]

♪ ♪

[dish clatters]

- You trying to get fired? [indistinct chatter]

So you were gonna be late two hours anyway?

- I'm here. I'm sorry. It won't happen--

- Yeah, happen again. I know.

It happens once a week, Regina.

Stuck on the JMZ. Come on. - Dock my pay.

[indistinct chatter]

Last time.

- Train broke down between stops.

I'll Zelle you my tips. Sorry.

- Hi.

You OK?

You missed a couple shifts. I was worried.

- You the one in the book?

- I can help you.

I can explain.

- Yeah, Claudia. I look like her.

- Yeah.

- That's mental.

- [scoffs] I know.

- This is a lot.

Like, a lot, a lot.

I gotta switch to breakfast.

- I can't stay anyway.

- 'Cause it's coming on morning?

- Mm-hmm.

- That's mental.

- I've been here since 1:30.

I've been here since 1:30.

I just wanted to know you were OK.

Oh, for the service.

- Out the door.

Out.

- Yeah. - Get out.

What's this, then?

- You can have a different life.

- I know I can. I don't need you for that.

- I looked you up online.

- You're full stalking.

- I found your OnlyFans, criminal record,

credit card scams, bouncing around Europe,

a stolen car in Amsterdam.

I can help you. - Fuck off...

- I can clean that for you. - Posh.

- I can pay off your debts. I can get you an apartment.

- Put on a yellow dress and sit in your lap?

- No, no, none of that. - Yeah, all of that.

"Here's the money. Get in my Escalade.

Be my dead daughter."

Yeah.

Go turn into a bat or whatever the hell it is.

I've got enough shit in my life.

I do not need more.

- Are there any readers in the audience tonight?

[cheers and applause]

Have you come across this 2023 bodice ripper?

Dubbed "an irritating hoax,

bound for flash-in-the-pan status" by "Vanity Fair,"

and "a thong-busting steamy beach read

for the cocklet-sucking Fire Island set"

by "Out Magazine"?

[rim shot plays]

Well, we are the tribute band

spawned by that literary mountaintop.

[cheers and applause]

Unless, of course, Louis de Pointe du Lac was

interviewed by a two-time

Pulitzer Prize-winning mortal in Dubai,

and I am actually the toxic bitch,

anxiously-attached show pony with a personality disorder

called Lestat!

[laughs]

Any vampire truthers out there?

Stans of "IWTV,"

we have a very special guest in the audience tonight.

Please follow my finger

to the French Bengali smoke show.

Can we get a torch?

The Maître of Paris. [woman screaming]

Look deep into his "uwu" Japanime eyes

as he mind-cocks you off a cliff.

The shapeshifter, the sophisticate,

the Vampire Armand!

[wild cheering]

[cymbal crashes]

[laughs]

Despite what you've been sold,

we are friends, he and I.

[audience "awws"]

He did a brave thing for me once.

And I have grown to respect Armand

and his staunch defense of the five Great Laws.

- No vampire shall ever reveal

his or her true nature and let that mortal live!

[audience booing] - Armand told the truth!

- [sighs]

We wrote a song for you, Armand.

[cheers and applause]

And it's the first time we are playing it live.

[cheers and applause]

["Big Boss" playing]

♪ Hey, Big Boss on the Champs-Elysées ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Are you having a bad hair day? ♪

♪ Hey, Big Boss with the sad sashay ♪

♪ Are you mad or do you always look that way? ♪

♪ I know that life is cruel ♪

♪ But my God, those nails ♪

♪ You a beggar for gruel ♪

♪ Or a rag doll for sale? ♪

♪ I know that life is cruel ♪

♪ But you should get your face did ♪

♪ You got a lot of rules for a theater kid ♪

♪ Let's go - ♪ One ♪

- ♪ Only the Big Boss gets to have fun ♪

- ♪ Two - ♪ If you're a boo-boo ♪

♪ Then he doesn't want you ♪

- ♪ Three ♪

- ♪ Oh, don't you dare write down his history ♪

- ♪ Four - ♪ If you know him ♪

♪ Then you won't know much more ♪

- ♪ Five - ♪ Only the Big Boss

♪ Gets to decide ♪

♪ Who dies and who stays alive ♪

♪ Big Boss got a big, big head ♪

♪ Big Boss wants to get you in bed ♪

♪ Big Boss is a total blah-blah ♪

♪ His kisses put me in a coma ♪

♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Big Boss in the shadows tonight ♪

♪ Big Boss cruising the streets, all right ♪

♪ Big Boss is a total wah-wah ♪

♪ He asked me, was it good? ♪

♪ I said, come ci, comme ça ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, Big Boss ♪

[muffled traffic and sirens]

- Stop it.

Stop it. - What?

- You know what.

- Everyone gone.

You hear them, but you can't see them.

- Yes.

Stop it!

- I cannot.

It happens to me too.

It's happening right now.

- Bullshit. Get out of my head.

- I am your maker!

I cannot get into your head any longer!

[bell dings]

- What is that? What is this?

- Our vampire bond, I think.

- That's fucked.

- [chuckles] Yes, it is.

[soft piano music]

- Why are you here?

♪ ♪

- You are courting great danger with Lestat.

- Him? He's just an asshole.

- There are nearly enough of us now,

each a body a night, each turning one a week.

More deaths than births.

The Great Conversion.

It's happening, Daniel.

And he's going to lead it and get us all killed.

- Was Dubai bullshit?

- What?

- Me breaking you down.

You knew everything the whole time, didn't you?

It was just theater. - No.

No.

I swear.

It was love.

- I'm a vamp now.

Loving Louis doesn't shut it off.

- It wasn't my love for Louis, Daniel.

But it was love.

♪ ♪

- So when she's not here and he's not here,

am I third in the queue?

Did I beat Antoinette?

[line ringing]

- The person you are calling...

- She only gave you a finger.

- Please leave a message. - [laughs]

Hello, Gabs, it's me.

I just wanted you to hear this. [wild cheering]

That's the sound of 1,000 loud,

moaning, sobbing, nipple-hardening,

prick-popping, white-fire worship.

And I left the stage 12 minutes ago.

[laughs] Thanks for the pop-in.

I'll see you next century.

Actually, fuck you.

Let's skip it.

Cabbage, cabbage, cabbage.

- Dee Dee and Joey sang, touring was never boring.

Perry, Schon, and Cain took the midnight train.

♪ ♪

[fans cheering]

[chuckling]

♪ The wheels on Lestat ♪

♪ Go me, me, me ♪

♪ Me, me, me ♪

♪ Me, me, me ♪

♪ The wheels on Lestat ♪

♪ Go me, me, me ♪

♪ All... ♪

♪ Come to me ♪

- Hey, friend.

[gunfire] [screaming]

He can't die like this! He's a vampire!

Wake up, people! They're everywhere!

They're everywhere, all around us! Wake up!

[sharp music]

[indistinct panicked chatter]

- Fucking help!

[soft orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

- Narrow, fully rigged.

I can almost see its cargo.

It's an opium clipper.

Keeper, you should really light that lamp now.

[chuckles]

Oh, keeper's not feeling well.

- Roll back a single decade, we're living mortal lives.

- The cabbage years.

- And then...

The devil's road--

prowling, feeding, sharing a coffin.

But where in 50 years?

Where in 100?

- Some far-flung city,

everyone traveling by balloon, maybe.

It's an endless garden.

- You put Armand's ghouls onstage.

That was something, I guess.

But it wasn't evil.

- [chuckles] What, then, is?

- Dante's hell.

But not in the mouths of priests.

Out in the world, feeding in the streets,

an evil that answers goodness.

- Shall we do it?

Shall we scorch the mortal world?

- Decimate it-- brothers impaling brothers,

mothers throttling their babes,

all writhing on the ground,

till no light remains, no hope of light,

and we, the devils, rule.

- Together, as dark monarchs,

intertwined for all eternity.

♪ ♪

[distant shouting and crashing]

- Dinner.

[sweeping dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[doorbell jingles]

[soft bluesy music playing]

♪ ♪

- In the neighborhood?

- No.

- Can't stay away?

- Yeah.

- Chef's pushing Chicken Parm.

- OK.

- Got loud with you last time.

- No, it's my fault.

- $1,000?

That's bus fare for you. What's not a bus fare?

- $100,000?

- Five times that.

♪ ♪

[in New Orleans accent] What now, Daddy Lou?

[soft guitar music playing]

- Vampires do not live symbiotically with humanity.

They do not share in the daily struggle of human life.

Instead, they feed, siphoning away our vitality

in order to extend their own unnatural existence.

But if we are their fuel, are we not also their strength?

- ♪ My older brother ♪

♪ Tried to teach me with his fist ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I never learned that lesson ♪

♪ I gave up our confession ♪

♪ By candlelight ♪

♪ You used to teach me how to kiss ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I thought we made it out ♪

♪ And I know you had your judgment ♪

♪ Why won't you let me bring you flowers ♪

♪ Like I used to cheer you up? ♪

♪ Like I used to cheer you up ♪

♪ Like I used to cheer you up ♪

[waves crashing]

[gasps]

[humming]

♪ ♪

[brakes hissing]

- You called. I came.

- [scoffs]

- I called you many times, Fledgling.

- Oh.

We're feeling pity for ourselves, are we?

- I'm quite at peace, actually. Heading home to Montreal.

Sink the bus in the St. Lawrence,

where the whales can make love to it

while I take up crafting or coding

or whatever will sail me through the coming

robot apocalypse.

- Did Armand break down and weep

over your biting diss track?

Did your assassin misspell your name in his manifesto?

- I left my wit in Philadelphia.

Free my driver. Go away.

- You quit?

- Everyone quit.

Mass shootings can be quite persuasive, Gabs.

- What about your fans?

- They have their clips and tattoos and something

new and triggering around the corner

to serve their unwellsomeness, I'm sure.

- I am not talking about that.

- It's over!

You abandoned me!

- For a week.

- For nine days!

And it did not feel like nine days!

- Grow up!

- Where were you?

And don't say you were dipping a toe in the Rio Pascua.

- I was with the voices.

- What voices?

- Let's have a listen.

[soft music]

[muffled voices chattering]

- Why do you come back?

Why won't you let me hate you?

- Shh.

- You've been hearing them.

- Yes.

- You've been reaching them.

- Yes.

And I want not to reach them.

- They are lost and angry and tired of enduring.

Your music speaks to them.

They long for a communion.

- No, I sing songs, Mother.

- Eight wolves.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- A poignant tableau,

conspiring mother advising a distraught son.

And you'll get no argument here

if you were to interrupt and say, Lestat,

an excellent time to end it.

What words did she conjure up

to turn me and that bus back around, you ask?

Hmm. I'll never do them justice.

Instead, let me paraphrase a more eminent vampire

caught in a similar situation.

[clears throat]

It is difficult to explain how her words disarmed me,

how efficiently succinct and impenetrable

her argument was.

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[sighs] You had to be there, I guess.

♪ I need a mean, mean mom ♪

♪ I need a ravenous queen ♪

♪ Give me that long, dark death ♪

♪ To feed the future machine ♪

["Nothing to Lose" playing]

♪ ♪

-Listen to tracks from "The Vampire Lestat"

wherever you stream music.

-1, 2, 3, 4! -Are we ready?

-Are we ready? Are we ready?!

-♪ Oh, liar, liar ♪

♪ Your skin's on fire ♪

♪ How can I love you if you don't love yourself? ♪

-Come.

-Armand said that you were destroyed.

[Glass shatters]

-I missed you, brother.

-I missed you too, sis.

Again. [screaming]

-Lestat and Sofia.

-I knew her as Gabrielle.

-Why did you leave me?

♪ I'm the big bad wolf ♪

- ♪ I need an XXX

♪ Feel the desert inside ♪

♪ Give me that up, up, down ♪

♪ I got nothing to hide ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I bit the head off a snake ♪

♪ Got a venom heart ♪

♪ Give me that antidote ♪

♪ Before it tears me apart ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪