All language subtitles for Sex And The Single Mom (2003)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(ALARM CLOCK BUZZING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(WATER SPLASHING)

Sarah, I'm out of here.

Your breakfast burrito's
in the microwave.

Oh. Nuke it for twenty seconds.

You said you'd do my hair.
-JESS: I'm late.

-You have to.

I hate my hair.

There are women who would kill
for your hair.

-SARAH: They can have it.
-You look great.

-I hate the way I look.
-Oh...

My eyes are too small.

You look like you
and you are great.

But I'd be perfect if I can just
move my butt to my chest.

I got to go.

-All right.
-Make your own lunch, okay?

SARAH: Okay.
You working late tonight?

I don't know. I'll call you.

-Bye.
-JESS: Bye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

DINA: Hey, I'm making
a discount run after school.

-Do you need anything?
-Toilet paper.

Dina, can you feed Sarah
again tonight if I'm late?

Sure. And if you're not late,
I'll feed you.

Thanks.

DINA: Hey, listen, uh,
remember I told you

about that new history teacher?

His class is next
to the biology lab

they gave me this semester?

Well, he's divorced.

No thanks.
I'm doing fine without a guy.

Not you, Jess.
Me.

He's got a bow tie.

I'm a sucker for guys
in bow ties.

Bye.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-Good morning, Harrison.
-Good morning, Jess.

Make yourself invisible.
Alycia's on a rampage.

-Thanks for the warning.
-Too late.

Where the hell's my update
on the Gannon case?

Depositions are on your desk.
I left them there last night.

Who's got time to read
all those depositions?

I want an analysis, A.S.A.P.

I'm prepping witnesses
for the Wolinski case.

So clone yourself.

Oh, boy.

Sarah?

Looks like I'll be working
'til midnight.

Eat at Dina's.
Gotta go.

COACH: Let's go, guys.
I want to see some energy...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

I can't even get Chad
to look at me, Leeza.

You're wearing
the wrong clothes.

You've got to show some skin.

I wish Chad was more like Tyler.

I wish Tyler was more like Chad.

-You do?
-LEEZA: Yeah.

Tyler gets boring sometimes.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
COACH: All right, that's it, boys.

-Hey.
-Hey. Thank you.

Did you talk to him?

Yeah.
He's not into you.

Forget about it. He's a loser.

You probably didn't say
the right thing.

What should I do?

TYLER: Forget him.
-Talk to him again.

No. He's a player, Leeza.
You're too good for him.

Please?

Tyler?

Uh, the Gannon case,
wrongful death.

I need to see precedents, Angie.
Can you do it before you leave?

-ANGIE: I'm on it.
-Thanks.

Oh, I'm a bit over worked.

No problem.

Where were we?

H-L-H-S.

That's Hypoplastic
Left Heart Syndrome.

Use simple words.

People who sit on juries aren't
necessarily as educated as you are.

A baby is born
with a congenital heart defect.

In layman's terms,
it's, uh, it's a hole in the heart.

Can anything be done about this?

ALEX: Yeah. There's a technique
known as the Norwood Procedure.

It requires three stages
of reconstructive surgery.

Oh, that sounds complicated.

ALEX: Yeah, it is.
But I've got charts

-I can bring in for it.
-Thanks, Angie.

JESS: Look, what we want to do
is get the jury to respond

to the loss
of a real child.

An infant
with a life threatening problem

and a procedure
that could have saved her

if the doctor
had been competent.

I have done this before.

Sorry.

Oh, me, too.
Listen, it's my stomach talking.

Can we do the rest
of this over dinner?

I can't.

ALEX: You got to eat.

Well, I'll order a sandwich,
but I got to work.

You'll work better
after a real meal.

Sorry.

All right, well, I'm going.

When do I see you tomorrow?

-2:00, okay?
-2:00.

Last chance.

Come on.

-Who wants charred?
-Not me.

Sarah, are you gonna stop reading
long enough to eat?

Fork to mouth.

It's a complex program.
-I'm not hungry.

DINA: Have a little meatloaf
with your ketchup, Frankie.

Call her Spacely.
She's been kidnapped by aliens.

Is something the matter, Sarah?

-It's her hormones.
-Shut up.

FRANKIE: When chimpanzees are in
heat, their butts turn red.

Make him shut up.

Shut up, Frankie. You're 11.

He's got a condom in his wallet.

You shut up, Tyler.

Frankie thinks a condom
is something that you use

to blow your nose
when you have a cold.

DINA: Hey, hey!

-FRANKIE: Where you going?
-To do something constructive,

like develop my pictures.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Most doctors don't like
to testify malpractice cases.

Yeah. Medical profession
can sometimes be a closed shop.

You know, you just hope
it doesn't happen to you.

-Hmm.

-I mean, I want to get rid of
the bad apple in the barrel.

The doctor that operated
on that infant

should never set foot
in an operating room again.

Uh-hmm.

Ah, to lose a child

has to be the worst thing
that could happen to anybody.

It was her first
and the doctors told her that, um,

she couldn't have
any more children.

That's hard for anyone
to handle.

I lost an infant.
Twelve years ago.

A boy.

We found him in his crib.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I'm telling
you this. I never talk about it.

-You have kids?
-Ah.

All right, come on.

-Sarah's fifteen.
-Oh, she is gonna be a knock-out.

Oh, thank goodness
she doesn't know yet.

That's Alice, Zack.
She's eight, he's six.

I took that skiing.

Do you go skiing
a lot with them?

Oh, not as much as I'd like to.

They, um,
they live with my wife.

It must be hard.

Yeah. Not as hard as a marriage
that's not working, though.

Been there, done that.

So, how's the single life?

Not exactly the fast lane.

Um, gross.

That'll never come out.

Soda water, works on neck ties.

How long you been on your own?

Five years.

No guy?

Nothing serious.

Five years, that's a long time.

Uh-hmm.

You lose your faith

and you lose your trust

and you lose your nerve.

Lose your desire?

Unfortunately, not.

Oh, I don't know.

Fortunately, not.

(CHUCKLES)

Are you divorced?

Separated.

I'm not, uh--

-I don't want to...

-Hey, hey, I'm not trying to
pressure you into anything. It's...

We've been dancing
around this for days

and don't tell me
that you haven't felt it.

Now, if we had any sense at all,
we would be in bed right now.

(CHUCKLES)

SINGER:
# I know you don't remember #

# How you used to tell me #

# That you'd
always be around #

# Well, I think to go
and get myself another dream #

# I need my time to
think about the reason #

# Why I should be around #

# Now, I don't care
about what you feel #

# And in what your deal is #
# How you leave me #

# I don't care if...#

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

JESS: What time is it?

Uh, it's 4:00.

Oh, God.

-(SIGHS)
-Felt good, huh?

I'm gonna have to be
at the office

at the crack of dawn.

-Uh-uh.
-Uh-hmm.

Uh-uh.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Sarah?

Sarah?

Sarah?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Who took these?

I don't know.

Sit up.

What do you mean,
you don't know?

I took 'em, with a timer.

For what?

For no reason.

-For some boy?
-For nobody.

You just decided to take
some sexy pictures of yourself

for nobody?

You expect me to believe that?

Why are you attacking me?

Where were you
until 2:00 in the morning?

-Working.
-Sure, working.

You're the kid, I'm the adult.
I am not answerable to you.

And everything I do
is not your business.

Oh, like not even calling?
What if I had a problem?

You have a problem.
These pictures are a problem.

Those are my pictures
and they're my business.

You are 15 years old.

I'm not a baby
no matter what you think.

What is happening to you, Sarah?

I don't know.
Just leave me alone.

Okay? Just leave me alone.

What are we doing?

We don't do this.

It's just...

those pictures,
they don't seem like you.

They're not me.

They're the me I wanna be,
but I don't know how.

You don't know how it feels.

I do.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(ALARM CLOCK BUZZING)

(SIGHS)

-Whatcha doing?
-Making your lunch.

It's dark outside.

I didn't finish my work
last night.

So what?

So, I need Alycia's support
if I want to go to law school,

so I can't complain
when she piles on the work load.

That's why not.

Look, I was just trying out stuff.

The pictures,
it's not that big of a deal.

Maybe I overreacted...
a little.

Is that new perfume?

You like it?

I don't know.
Can you do my hair?

I don't have time.
Your hair looks fine.

My hair is not sexy.

I thought we declared a truce
on the subject of sex.

-I'm 15.
-My point exactly.

What's wrong with you?
Your eyes look funny.

Nothing's wrong with me.
I just didn't get enough sleep.

You have plans for Halloween?

Why? Do you have plans?

Who would I have plans with?

I don't know.

You're going out with your dad?

Right. Everybody's hooking up
with somebody

and I'm going trick-or-treating
with Dad.

(SIGHS)

Sex is big, Sarah.
It's got big consequences.

And you're not ready for it.

Okay, mom, whatever.

Can we just not talk
about this anymore?

I guess, I won't be getting
that new camera for Christmas.

I'll call you from work.

-Bye.
-SARAH: Bye.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(TAPPING ON KEYBOARD)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

ALEX (OVER PHONE): Hi.

Hi.

Hmm.

ALEX (OVER PHONE):
You okay?

(SIGHS)

ALEX (OVER PHONE): Hmm.
What are you thinking?

Trying to work.

ALEX (OVER PHONE): So,
when am I gonna see you again?

2:00.

ALEX (OVER PHONE):
That's not what I mean.

I'm thinking about it.

ALEX (OVER PHONE): All right.
I'll see you at 2:00.

2:00.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?

Hey. Buy you a cup of coffee?

I can't leave my desk.

Full desk, huh?

It's piled up. I'm stuck here.

Okay.

Bye.

This is Jess Gradwell.

How soon
can I get an appointment?

I need to get fitted
for a new diaphragm.

Uh-huh.

Thursday, 4:00 works.

Bye.

You're busted.

You lie to your best friend.

You tell her
you're at your desk,

when you're out shopping
for lingerie.

Forget that it's written
all over your face.

Who is he and how long
have you been sleeping with him?

I was gonna tell you, Dina,
I swear.

-Tell me.
-I got to get back to work.

Oh, Dina, I never knew
sex could be like this.

It is unbelievable.

It's been a long drought, Jess.

-I'm happy for you.
-Oh,

it's like you don't know
who you are

until somebody touches you,

the right person touches you
and moves you.

And makes you know
what it means to be alive.

Whoa, girl.

He's a surgeon from Atlanta.

An expert witness
on one of my cases.

And I do not want
Sarah to know about it, okay?

At least until I know
where it's going.

-Is he available?
-He's separated.

-What's his story?
-I don't know.

Ask.

Jess: Hey.

You talk to Alycia
about law school yet?

I'm waiting
for the right moment.

The right moment
is the one you grab.

I'll try and pave the way.

Must be a guy.

Who is he?

Oh, um, a lingerie shower
for a friend

who's getting married.

Hey, maybe you should keep
this one.

Build it and they will come.

I'll think about that.

And your specialty is?

Pediatric cardiac surgery.

Uh-hmm. Can you describe

the Wolinski infant's
medical condition?

Uh, Hypoplastic
Left Heart Syndrome.

Does this require surgery?

It requires reconstruction
of the infant's heart.

How many of these have you done?

Hundreds.

Can you describe
this reconstruction procedure?

No.

It has gone completely
out of my head.

JESS: Oh,
we're supposed to be working.

Oh, I can't wait till tonight.

I can't. I can't. I can't leave Sarah
for another night.

When?

I'll work something out
this weekend.

Oh, no. That's too far away.

This is my office.

Uh-hmm.

-What if someone knocks?
-Tell them to go away.

(MOANING)

COACH: Okay, gentlemen,
I want you to stay in control

but pick up the pace.

Faster, boys.
Keep moving.

So what did Chad say
about Halloween?

He said maybe.

Now that's sexy.

I look like a gob.

Gobs are sexy.

What did he mean, maybe?

Well, it means he didn't say no.

But he didn't say yes.

It doesn't matter. I have to go out
with my dad anyway.

-He said he'd come.
-He didn't.

Tyler and me,
we were gonna surprise you.

Just show up to get you
and he'd be in the car.

-He said yes?
-Well, not yes to you exactly.

But he said he'd be there.

-Can I keep this?
-And this.

Definitely this.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-You were late this morning.
-It won't happen again.

Emma says you've got something
you want to talk to me about.

You've got 60 seconds.

I want to go to night school,
get a law degree.

You don't have enough
on your plate?

In three years, my daughter
will be in college.

Oh, and by then
you want to be wearing my shoes?

I want to crack
at a real career.

It's three nights a week,
a lot of hard work,

but I can do it.

Are you asking me
to pull some strings?

And maybe help me
get a tuition loan?

Let me make myself clear.
I like ambition,

but I like it to be
in the service of this firm.

So don't let law school
interfere with your job.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?
ALEX (OVER PHONE): I miss you.

I can't get there till 8:00.

ALEX (OVER PHONE): What should
I order from room service?

- Oysters.
-ALEX (OVER PHONE): Uhm.

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Hi, Jess.

JESS: Sarah, your dad's here.

She'll be right out, Nick.

Okay.

JESS: Oh, April,
I can't believe it.

Hannah gets cuter
every time I see her.

Bunny, who's this trick
or treat bunny?

Oh.

-Are you ready to roll, sugar?
-Yeah.

Trick-or-treat, Hannah.

Where's your costume?

I'm too old for a costume, Dad.

-Oh.
-Listen, Nick,

I hate to trouble you,
but I've got a leak in my roof

that needs to be fixed
before the rain.

You think you could send
one of your crew out?

Yeah. Yeah, next week.
Okay?

-Well, great.

Okay. Come on, let's get
the candy wagon on the road.

I'm staying overnight at Dad's.

Okay.

My side.

All right.

-Thank you.
-Pleasure.

Take your seats.

JESS: I'm on my way.

Order a couple of steaks to go
with the oysters.

We've got until dawn, bye.

SINGER:
# With the words that you say?

# You will feel this way #

# There's something about
you #

# I know that it's true #

# Because I'm here tomorrow #

# What about you #

# Yeah, I want to get
lost in your ocean #

# I wanted to
dive in your smile #

# Drown in the love
and devotion #

# For a while inside #

# With you #

I'm not very good at this, am I?

Oh. Oh, baby.

I love watching you.

I love looking at you.

I can't keep away from you.

I can't stop thinking about you.

Wow. This is getting to be
something...

Something what?

Something special.

For me, too.

I'm not a player.

I think I figured that one out.

ALEX: And this is not just...

Lust?

Oh, I don't know.
I think lust is pretty good.

Yes.

Serious is scary.

Very scary.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Sorry, you couldn't
spend the night, honey.

That's okay.

I got lots of stuff to do.

Where's your mom?

She'll be home by 10:00.

-Oh, happy Halloween, honey.
-Goodnight, Dad. Happy Halloween.

Yeah.

(CAR ENGINE START)

(DOG BARKING)

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER RADIO)

Where's Chad?
I thought Chad was coming.

He's coming later.

Where are we going?

LEEZA: Rita's house.
Her folks are out of town.

# What you see on TV is not
reality... #

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

GIRL: Yo, you guys, let's go.

-BOY: All right, let's get going.
-GIRL: (INDISTINCT)

-BOY: Let's get going.
-BOY: Watch out.

GIRL: Yeah. Let's do it.

BOY: Come on, guys. Let's go.

JESS: Why didn't it work?

ALEX: We had two careers.

So having kids
was kind of a late decision.

She quit her job,
stayed at home with the kids.

It was about a year ago,

when our youngest
went to kindergarten.

Her firm had gone
through some changes.

So when she went back,
she got a new boss.

And they had an affair.

I found out about it.
It got messy.

Was it hard on the kids?

Oh, no. We protected the kids.

We told them we were breaking up
because my work came first.

And I figured,

better a negligent father
than an adulteress mother.

What happened to your marriage?

Nick and I were friends

that made a mistake
of getting married.

It wasn't bad.
It just was never...

like this.

-Not close?
-Close, but not close.

We never fought,
we just never fit.

And when we lost the baby,

there wasn't the emotional glue
to hold us together

and so, we gave up being married
and went back to being friends.

-No regrets?
-About my marriage?

No, about us.

You are the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Why aren't you at your dad's?

I live here.

JESS: You said you were spending
the night with your dad and April.

-And you said you had no plans.

So where were you?
And don't tell me you were working.

JESS: Something came up
at the last minute.

What?

JESS:
I went out with friends.

What friends?

From work.

SARAH: All night?

I didn't abandon you.

I thought you were
at your dad's.

Who were you with?

Don't cross-examine me.

I told you
I was with friends.

Now, go back to your own bed.

I wanna sleep here.

You have a boyfriend,
don't you?

No.

I don't believe you.

Everybody can get a boyfriend,
except me.

You will,
when the time's right.

I lied to you.

I was never gonna spend
the night at dad's.

I went to this party
with Tyler and Leeza

and I thought this guy
was gonna be there,

but he wasn't.

-Oh, Sarah.
-It was awful.

Everybody was making out,
except me.

Nobody even asked me.

Listen, baby,

finding a boyfriend
isn't like a trip to the mall.

Your first boyfriend
needs to be special,

as special as you are.

Let's go.
I've got everything ready.

Where's our expert witness?
Doctor Leighton, is it?

Lofton, Alex Lofton.
He's meeting us at the courthouse.

Right.

Next time we go to court, Jess,
wear something more conservative.

-Was that a yes?
-Yes, Alycia.

Just like to make sure
I'm heard.

Questions for Doctor Lofton?

-Is he prepped?
-He's prepped.

LAWYER: And where do you practice
pediatric surgery, Doctor Lofton?

ALEX: Atlanta.

And your field of expertise is?

ALEX: Reconstructive heart surgery
in infants and newborns.

The Wolenski infant
was born with a heart defect?

ALEX: Yes.

Uh, H-L-H-S, Hypoplastic Left
Heart Syndrome.

It should have been diagnosed
in-utero but it wasn't.

Then, Norwood Procedure was used.

In this procedure,
the surgeon attempts

to reconstruct the newborn's
tiny heart,

correct nature's mistake.

Can you give us a brief
description of the procedure?

Sure. Um, the main pulmonary artery
is used to rebuild the aorta.

And then a shunt is inserted
to provide pulmonary circulation.

Doctor Lofton,
have you been certified

by the American Board
of Thoracic Surgery?

ALEX: Yes, of course.

Well, the jury's heard testimony

that the physician
who performed the surgery

-on the Wolenski infant--
-She did it.

-She got me into law school.
-ALYCIA:...failed the test...

She should.
You make her look good.

Congratulations.

ALYCIA: Can you tell the jury
what this means?

ALEX:
It means he's incompetent.

And the hospital that allowed him
to perform the surgery

was incompetent.

Is something going on
between you two?

-ALYCIA: Could you elaborate...
-Absolutely not.

Do you think I would be
unprofessional enough

to sleep with an expert witness?

Forget law school
and be canned.

You got that right.

I take it back.
I see nothing.

-I think we fooled everybody.
-ALEX: Yeah?

Except Emma.

And Alycia would
have to stick lighted matches

under Emma's fingernails
to get her to talk.

Well, thank God our professional
relationship is over.

Now, the next time
we see each other

we can spend all of our time
making love.

It's hard leaving you.

It's hard to let you go.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

BOTH:
(MOANING)

Alycia's sending me to Chicago

to take a deposition
in a custody case,

two days
before Thanksgiving.

Payback for the law school.

I'll be there.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

It's just three weeks, Jess.

(CAMERA CLICKS)
SARAH: One more.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

One more,
for good luck.

(CAMERA CLICKS)
Great. Thanks.

-MAN: What are you doing later?
-MAN: I don't know.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, do you still want
to get together?

What?

Hook up?

With me?

That's what Leeza said you said.

I guess. Sure.

Okay, uh when?

I will call you?

Okay. Great.

He loves me.
He loves me.

JESS:
April take you shopping again?

It's a present for baby
sitting Hannah.

You like it?

Sure, if you wanna look like
a real sausage.

She bought me
a naval ring, too.

And why not?

Who would wanna show
their naval off to the world

without a ring in it?

-You mean it's okay?
-Absolutely not.

I'm starving.

-No supper?
-They eat late.

-"People eat late in Europe."
-Hmm.

How's it going
with your biology professor?

He teaches history.

His name is Howard
and I've got his attention.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Hi, Mom.

It's okay with you
that they're alone upstairs?

They're gonna do it somewhere.

If they're gonna have sex,
let them do it at home?

Well, where would you suggest?

Sarah's not ready for that.

Oh, you mean you're not
ready for that.

You have boys.
Sex isn't gonna ruin their life.

Tyler is gonna do
what nature programmed him for,

no matter what I do.
I'm not gonna fight biology.

I mean, the only thing I can do
is try to get him to be responsible.

Look,
I'd sell him abstinence.

You find a way to package it,
you let me know.

So, if they wanna drink,
let them drink at home

and if they wanna take drugs,
let them take drugs at home.

What kind of parenting is that?

I wanna know
what my kids are doing

and where they're doing it.

And I wanna make sure
my kid's not doing it.

At least not
until it's meaningful.

Well, I'm not trying
to undermine that, Jess.

We run one household,

back and forth
across the street.

You can shut your door

and you can sterilize
your kitchen,

but you can't put Sarah
under glass.

Put Sarah on the pill?
Is that your suggestion?

I don't know what to tell you, Jess.

I mean, you know how hard it is
to teach these kids

when they're being bombarded
with sex, music, ads,

not to mention
their own raging hormones.

Something that you have
recently rediscovered,

I might add.

How's it going?
Is he calling?

We're meeting in Chicago.

-That's great.
-Uh-hmm.

Two days before Thanksgiving.
Which means you cook the turkey.

Right.

I know
what you're gonna be doing.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

We've got to talk.

Talk.

You know how I feel about you.

Tell me how you feel about me.

When I looked up
and saw you walk into the lobby,

my heart stopped.

It actually stopped.

Very romantic.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I fell in love with you, Jess.

Oh, this is hard.

For you or for me?

ALEX: I'm going back.

To your wife?

To my kids.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Maybe, if...

I don't look at you ever again,

I can bear this.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(CRYING)

DINA:
You want a big piece, Vic? Jess? No?

(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)

SARAH: Here, Dina.
Ready, Howard?

-HOWARD: Wait. Wait.
-Wait, you got the pie?

-HOWARD: Uh-hmm.
-SARAH: One,

-two, three.
-(INDISTINCT)

-SARAH: Thank you.
-HOWARD: Uh-hmm.

Wonderful pie, Dina.

DINA: Hmm, thanks.

FRANKIE: Hey, Howard,
she bought the pie.

(INDISTINCT)

SARAH: Hey, Dad.
Dad and April, are you ready?

-NICK: Right.
-SARAH: You and April,

one, two, three.

-DINA: Oh, aren't they cute?
-SARAH: Thank you.

NICK:
Any of that coffee down here?

Uh-hmm.
Yes, here's some.

FRANKIE: So, can I go now?

May I be excused?

Sure.

(LAUGHTER)

APRIL: Honey,
can you go wake up Hannah?

She'll probably
need to be changed.

The diaper bag
is in the living room.

Okay.

How long before
they're toilet trained?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.

I've never seen
a kid in college in diapers.

APRIL: They say that girls
are much easier

to toilet train than boys.

Yeah, and easier to raise,
I hear.

JESS: Well,
you couldn't prove it by me.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Me and Tyler got to go.

VALERIE: Tyler and I.

Whatever.
We've got to go. Bye.

-Bye, honey.

Bad grammar shows a breakdown
in civilization.

I mean, everybody's too lax
these days, even the church.

I liked it
when the mass was in Latin

and everybody didn't hug
each other all the time.

(LAUGHS)

Well, your generation did it,
Valerie.

All those women
who marched on Washington

and danced at Woodstock,

equal rights,
birth control,

changed the world we live in.

VALERIE:
Oh, I wasn't one of them.

DINA: Howard teaches history,
20th Century,

civil rights, feminism.

Oh, two world wars,
the cold war,

the Vietnam War,
The Gulf War,

and the war between the sexes.

-Oh, since when is that history?

-HOWARD: It's not.
But it gets their attention.

I'll bet it does.

Thank you.

(SIGHS)

I think it's very modern
of you to have Nick here

and Hannah is as cute as a bug,
even if she isn't ours,

-but April.
-Nick's family, Mom.

Oh, sweet.

(LAUGHTER)

You can baby-sit
any time you like.

And I do mean any time.

We have to take Hannah home now.
So, really appreciate dinner, Jess.

You're welcome.

NICK: The roofer
will be here on Tuesday.

Thanks, Nick.

-See you, Val.
-Uh-hmm. Goodnight.

Oh, sometimes I wish
I had another grandchild.

Not a chance.

Oh, Howard, could I get
a ride home with you?

I can't drive
until my cataract operation.

-Sure, Val.
-Thanks.

-Be right back.
-Goodnight, dear.

Bye, Mom.

You okay?

Hanging in there.

DINA: What a jerk.

He loves his kids.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

He's just the kind of jerk
that wanted to fool around

-while he was out of town.
-No, he's not.

My heart's broken,
but I'm alive.

He did that.

And if you're alive,
you're gonna feel pain.

Those are the rules.

I'm sorry, Jess.

Yeah, me, too.

(SNIFFS)

Should we make turkey soup?

Oh, who cares about turkey soup?

You always make turkey soup.

(SIGHS)
You make the turkey soup.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sick?

Stomach flu.

-Are you sure you're okay?
-I told you, its stomach flu.

I'm gonna pick something up
at the pharmacy on the way home.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I can't believe
you didn't use protection.

I did.
I just got carried away, once.

-Once?
-Look, I don't need this.

You're right,
I'm sorry.

Don't you think
I'm mad enough at myself?

Well, that's not gonna do
any good now, is it?

Not much.

So, let's just stay calm
and be kind to ourselves.

-Chamomile.
-I'm calm.

Drink it.

At least he's got good genes.

What are you talking about?

You're not actually thinking
of having this baby?

What if I might be?

Oh, you can't be serious, Jess.

Sarah's 15.
Freedom is on the horizon.

Just slow down, okay?

What if life owes me a baby,
Dina?

Oh, no. This doesn't make
any sense, Jess.

I mean, you're gonna be
doing this on your own.

You'll be tied down
till the year 2020.

And what about your career?

-Well, I wouldn't quit working.
-Right.

A career, a baby,
law school.

Oh, and think about this.

In 14 years,
you'll have another teenager.

I'm thirty-eight years old.

What if this is my last chance?

You've got Sarah.

Well, like you said,
in two years,

she goes to college.

I'm used to being needed.

DINA: What you need
is to think about this, Jess.

Really think about it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

How can this be possible?
She doesn't go out.

She doesn't have a boyfriend.

Maybe, it was my mom.
She's got Howard.

Then how'd it end up
in our bathroom trash can?

Easy. My mom took the test
at your house.

Okay. Well, if you think
it's your mom who's pregnant,

then why aren't you freaked?

I guess I really don't think
it's my mom.

Besides,
maybe the test was negative.

Okay. But if it was your mom
and the test was positive,

you'd be freaked, right?

Yeah, I guess.

How freaked?

-Pretty freaked.
-Well, I'm pretty freaked.

You're jumping to some
large conclusions, you know?

Besides,
like you said, your mom,

she doesn't have a boyfriend,
right?

Maybe she does.

But you said she didn't.

Well, she thinks
I don't have a boyfriend either.

You don't.

I might get Chad some time.

(SCOFFS)
Chad is a loser.

You're a guy.
You don't get it.

Oh.

You look terrible.

-I've got the stomach flu.
-You think I'm stupid?

You've had the stomach flu
for days.

You're pregnant, aren't you?

-Sarah--
-Well, are you?

I don't know.

Liar. You do know.

I think I might be.

-Liar.
-JESS: Okay. I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant?

Yes.

Who is he?

SARAH:
Do you know how creepy this is?

Your mom having sex
with somebody

nobody has ever even heard of!

He's a heart surgeon.

SARAH: Right. Where is he?
-Atlanta.

How convenient.

-Talk about a trip to the mall.
-Sarah!

SARAH: I don't wanna
talk about this, okay?

I don't wanna talk
about this ever again.

I'm out of here.

JESS: No breakfast?

Tyler's taking me to the mall.

(WATER FLOWING)

JESS:
I don't know what happened.

The dishwasher died.

I hate to bother you, Nick,

but if you could get me
a new one

and send someone to install it?

Thanks. I appreciate it.
-(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

JESS: I've gotta go. Bye.

My wife's having
a little dinner party.

She's got somebody
she wants to introduce you to.

Sorry.
I can't, but thanks.

It might be good for you
to meet a nice guy.

He's not bad looking
but very solvent.

I'm pregnant, Harrison.

Oh.

Uh-hmm.

I'll be damned.
This is news.

Who's the lucky guy?

There isn't one.

Well, then what do I say?

Uh, congratulations.
Uh, I mean, best wishes.

Uh, listen,

you can still come
to the dinner party, anyways.

No, but thanks.

How do you think they're gonna
react to this around here?

They're lawyers.

Anything without a six
figure fee

doesn't register
on their radar screens.

But if you mean Alycia,

I don't wanna be around
when you tell her.

What do you expect me to say?

Hey, you're a great piece of manpower
and I'm behind you?

Do you think this firm
is Never-Never Land?

I've got to give you
what the law requires,

a couple of months off
for maternity leave.

And I have to take you back,
whatever shape you're in.

But I am not
gonna be shortchanged.

I built this firm from scratch.
I chose not to have kids.

I chose not to sacrifice
my career.

You think you can do it all?

Well, you damn well
better be able to do it all,

because I'm not gonna cut you
any slack. Have you got that?

-Yes.
-ALYCIA: Good.

One more thing,

don't you think law school
is a bit much for you right now?

No, I don't.

You're pale. You look like
you haven't had any sleep.

I'm coming down with a flu.

-Go home.
-It's only 4:00.

If I catch it, you're fired.
Go home.

Get yourself well
over the weekend.

But take your laptop.

I need that brief
first thing Monday morning.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

JESS: Is this Chad?

Hi.

You know how much time
you can get for statutory rape?

Mom.

You can't get me for that.
I'm not 18.

You never told me
you had a warden.

Look lady, no weapons, no drugs,
I just came to hook up.

CHAD: What's the big deal?

-Hit the road, Jack.
-His name is Chad.

SARAH: Chad.

Whatever.

Wait.

Chad.

(DOOR OPEN)
(DOOR CLOSES)

I hate you.

He just happens
to carry this sign with him.

I borrowed it from Tyler.

He puts them on his door
when he's got Leeza in his room,

so Dina knows not to come in.

Why can't you be cool like Dina?

I am not Dina.

And Dina wouldn't be so cool

if she had daughters
instead of sons.

Without a boyfriend, I'm nobody.

How could a boyfriend
who is a nobody

make you a somebody?

SARAH: I am sick
of being a prude.

You're grounded.

What kind of a hypocrite are you?
You're pregnant.

SARAH: You're pregnant

and you think you can tell me
-what to do?

-I am 38.

Oh, so that makes it okay?

JESS: No. It doesn't make it
okay, but it makes me an adult.

Well, I'm just a kid, but at
least I'd know enough to use condoms.

You are way out of line, Sarah.

SARAH: You don't like the truth,
do you?

How could you be so dumb?

You're pregnant,
pregnant, pregnant.

JESS: Ow.

-Sarah, Sarah.
-Get away from me.

JESS: I am so sorry.

JESS: I don't
believe you anymore.

I don't believe
anything you say.

JESS: What are you doing?
-Going to live with dad.

And I'm gonna have sex
with whoever I want.

No, you're not. I am still
the mother around here.

SARAH: Do you know
how humiliating this is?

It--It's embarrassing,
and it's a mess,

and it's stupid.

What are you gonna do?

Are you actually
gonna have this kid?

Yes, I am.

That's great.
That's just great.

(CELL PHONE DIALING)

-JESS: Sarah.

-Tyler, can you take me
to my dad's house right now?

Sarah.

(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Back it.

One dishwasher coming up.

Oh, thanks, Nick.

Is there anything else I can do?

I could use a hug.

(SIGHS)

I guess I'm all cried out.

-How's Sarah?
-Oh, she's mad.

Apart from that, she's not a hell
of a lot of fun to be with.

I've lost all credibility.

She feels she now has the right

to defy everything
I've ever taught her.

-No. I told her,
just because you make a mistake,

it doesn't mean you give up

the right to try
to keep her from making one.

Thanks for the support.

Sarah's just gonna have to get
used to the way things are.

That's what I like about you.

You're solid, down to earth.

(CHUCKLES) You didn't like it much
when we were married.

I've grown to appreciate it.

(CHUCKLES)

-See you.
-Bye.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

VALERIE: I don't need help.
It's a cataract,

it's not brain surgery.

Why don't we sit
on the front porch, Mom?

Come on.
It's beautiful out today.

All right.

(EXHALES)

(SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

I'm pregnant.

I already know.
Sarah told me.

You could've mentioned it.

VALERIE: Well,

I didn't feel I was ready
to congratulate you yet.

JESS: I don't want you
to judge me, Mom.

Try and understand.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

I'm thinking...

that this could be
the child I lost,

the one that's been missing
from my life all these years.

What about Sarah?

(SIGHS)

She'll get used to it.

I need your help.

I don't know how
to help you, Jess.

Just accept that I'm doing
the right thing for me.

Well, that may be, Jess.

But I'm gonna have
to get used to this too.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SIGHS)

The Parisin case, can you get this
organized by this afternoon?

-Sure.

Are you okay?

I guess, if you don't
count waking up

at 4:00 in the morning, worrying
about diapers and day care.

-The Harper file ready?

-Ms. Harrison wants it.
-This afternoon. This afternoon.

Where the hell are the depositions
for the Simmons case?

They'll be ready this afternoon.

I'll see you later.

(PHONE RINGS)
-Hello?

-DR. FERN: Hi, it's Doctor Fern.
-Doctor Fern.

DR. FERN: Got a sec?
I have your amnio results.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(FOOTSTEPS)

-JESS: Hi.
-Hi.

I got my amnio results.

No Down's Syndrome,
no Spina Bifida,

no Hemophilia.

Clean bill.

It's a boy.

Congratulations.

Oh, this is a lot harder
than I thought it was gonna be.

Maybe you should
reconsider law school.

And give Alycia that victory?
No way.

JESS: Peanut butter oatmeal.

Howard's favorite.

Howard's moving in.

Well, be happy for me.

That's wonderful.

Well, it's not all wonderful.

Why?

He comes with a Great Dane.

# Don we now our gay
apparel #

# Fa la la,
la la la, la la la #

# As we sing
our yuletide carol #

# Fa la la la la la la la #
-MAN: Merry Christmas.

APRIL: Your mom's boyfriend,
whoever he is,

-he should marry her.
-When I got pregnant with Hannah,

your dad married me.

More than I wanna know.

Just my opinion.

NICK: Hannah's gonna go nuts
when she sees all this stuff.

She's six months old.

Don't pout, Sarah.
Santa brought you something.

Yeah, here it is, sweetheart.
April picked it out.

Something sexy.

-Food?

-Oh, no. I know I bought it,
I don't know where I left it.

-APRIL: It isn't in the truck?
-NICK: No. Hell.

I'm starving.
-Double cheeseburger.

-I'm sick of cheeseburgers.

I'll get you a bacon burger.

At Christmastime, mom
always bakes a glazed ham.

Well, every family
has its own traditions.

I'll go with you.
You stay with Hannah.

I can't. I've got a Christmas party.
Tyler's picking me up.

(CAR HORNING)

Bye.

Okay?

Come on.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERS)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi. Have you seen Chad?

No, I'm looking for Leeza.

Have you seen Chad?

No.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERS)

SARAH: You guys seen Chad?
-Uh-uh.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

SARAH: Leeza?

(GASPS)

-Hey, what's wrong?
-Just get me out of here.

(SIGHS)

They deserve each other.

(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)

Hi.

Oh.

We were at this party.

Leeza went off with Chad
and they were...

Tyler and I
had to get out of there.

I'm sorry he broke your heart.

He didn't.

JESS: It's not fatal.
I promise.

I hate Leeza.

JESS: Feel sorry for Leeza.
Chad used her.

Is that a glazed ham?

I was taking it to Dina's.
You hungry?

SARAH: April's a slob.
-Nobody's perfect.

Just my opinion,

you have to have a brain
to have an opinion.

"Every family
has its own traditions."

Double cheeseburgers?
Give me a break.

You want to open your
Christmas present early?

Did you know I'd come back?

I hoped.

But you weren't sure?

No.

Good.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

The new camera.

We have stuff to work out,
you and me.

Can we not talk
about anything tonight?

Merry Christmas.
-Yeah.

(KEYBOARD TYPING)

I liked being an only child.

You're not your dad's
only child.

I liked being your only child.

You're my only daughter.

You're gonna have a baby and
I'm never gonna have a boyfriend.

Sex changes things.
It can change you.

It can change your life.

It changed yours.

Hmm.
Listen...

Leeza didn't just betray you
and Tyler.

(SIGHS)
She betrayed herself too, Sarah.

Sometimes if you have sex
with the wrong person,

the tears
don't just last a night.

They can last forever.

How do you know
when it's the right person?

Sometimes your heart...

doesn't talk as loud
as your hormones.

But that's what you have
to listen to, your heart.

(ALARM RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Oh.

(SIGHS)

SARAH: You okay?

Yeah.

SARAH: Do my hair?

Sure.

(SIGHS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA SNAPPING)

COACH: Let's go, guys.
I want to see some energy.

Come on.

COACH: Okay, much better.
Very nice.

COACH: Come on.

Hey.

What happened between me
and Leeza was nothing.

Really? Nothing?

It made you not like me anymore
and I feel bad about that.

You do?

CHAD: Sure.

You know,
I still think about you.

You do?

CHAD: You know, I was thinking
maybe we could go out sometime.

I mean, I was thinking maybe
you could give me another chance.

You know, some time
when your mom's not around.

Hit the road, Jack.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA SNAPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

So how was that?

Okay.

It's just okay?

First I have to know.

Are you trying to get back
at Leeza?

Leeza who?

Leeza, the night
she hooked up with Chad?

No.

Did she freak you out
by what she did?

Hmm, no. I was--I was trying
to break up with her anyway,

so I don't.

That's not true.

I know, but it's my story.

Okay.

Just so you know,
I didn't do it with Chad.

But you would have?

I was stupid.

What's wrong?

Who am I?

Um, what do you mean?
You're Sarah.

What else?

There is no what else.
Can you--

can you tell me what I'm doing wrong,
so I can do it right?

I don't know what you're
doing wrong.

I just know
that this doesn't feel right.

Okay, but you can't--

you can't get me all worked up
and then not deliver.

That's just what Chad said.

I'm not Chad.
I'm your best friend.

You know, the one you used
to fool around with?

Remember when we played doctor?

We were in second grade.

-So?
-So, that was curiosity.

And what's this?

This is serious.

Okay, I don't get it.

Look, you asked me to help you do it

and then you turn it
into a federal case.

Look, if we do this,

then afterwards you'll be
just the same as before.

But I'll be different.
I'll be a different person.

This was your idea.

I made a mistake, okay?
I thought--

I thought I was ready.

And I thought
I should probably do it

with somebody I already love.

Like you.

You love me?

SARAH: See,
you're not ready for that.

And I'm not either.

Maybe by your senior prom
or something.

Or maybe by mine.

I'll hold you to that.

Oh.

Come on.

-You ready?
-TYLER: Come on.

JESS: Crib bumpers,
breast pump, night light.

DEENA: You know, the hardest thing is
gonna be finding good daycare.

JESS: Not the first year.

All the babies do
is swap germs.

DEENA: Nannies cost a fortune.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Nothing?

I'm covered this summer.
I have maternity leave.

I won't be teaching.

And Sarah doesn't go back
to school until September.

Don't count on me.

I'm counting on you.

Just kidding.

So, we're okay until I go
back to work in October.

Then, what?

Well, there's always
your mother.

SARAH: Oh, not that.

JESS: You're not suggesting
she should move in with me?

You know how long I'd last?

Do you know how long I'd last?

Hello, April, I'm back.

JESS: Give Val a break.

You can't imagine
what it was like for her

when she was growing up.

She's a prisoner of history.

You're sticking up
for your mother?

Yeah. I am.

I'm gonna have
to adjust to that.

DEENA: How about
for your baby present,

I buy your mother a crib?

What?

We buy two of everything.

Crib, playpen, high chair.

One for her, one for you.

Then, when you decide
to go back to work...

I take the baby to my mother's.

DEENA: And you pick him up
on your way home.

Think she'd go for it?

Uh-hmm.

-You okay?
-Oh.

-DOCTOR: Vital signs?
-NURSE: Pulse, one-oh-nine.

Temp, one-oh-three. B.P.,
one-sixty-four over one-ten.

Abdominal tenderness,
right upper quadrant.

Medic said she vomited
in the ambulance.

I want liver enzyme test
and an ultrasound.

Oh.

Honey.

So, do you know anything?

Not yet.

-Is it terrible?
-I don't know.

What is it? Do they know?

Well, if they do,
they haven't told me.

It's going to be fine.

How is she?

We had to do a C-section.

Is my mom okay?

Absolutely.

-The baby?
-Oh, he's fine.

And he's just gonna have
a rough beginning, that's all.

I named him Jake, after Dad.

Oh.

JESS: Four pounds,
twelve ounces.

He'll be on a respirator
for a couple of days,

but he's fine.

We saw him.

VALERIE: He's beautiful.

Yes. But not as beautiful
as Sarah was.

You know why I did this,
don't you?

Because the person who has brought me
the most happiness in my life

has been you, Sarah.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

JESS: And I need you to know
that for all of my life,

I will carry you as I did
before you were born,

directly under my heart.

I love you.

You, too.

You're my life.
And now Jake is my life, too.

We'll do this together.
We'll all do this together.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Good morning.
Oh, come here, you.

Oh, look at you.
Yes, you big baby boy.

Come here. Oh.
I've got you. Look at you.

Oh.

Pack the diaper bag
for me, okay?

I've gotta get dressed.

-Bye.
-Bye, Mom.

VALERIE: (CHUCKLES)

There you are.
I'm too old for this.

-So am I.
-(CHUCKLES)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Bye.

Get this back to me by 2:00.

(SIGHS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

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