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- Hello?
- Hello.

- Uh, yes?
- Who is this?

- Who are you calling?
- Who am I speaking to?

Wrong number.

- Who was that?
- Nobody.

- Did you pick a movie?
- Yeah.

We're gonna go scary.
Saw IV.

I saw that in theaters.

It sucks.
It's not scary, it's gross.

I hate all
that torture porn shit.

- How do you really feel?

Well, I like Jigsaw. I think
he kills people very creatively.

- But you don't give a shit
who dies, 'cause there's
no character development.

There's just body parts ripping
and blood spewing. Blahh!

- Who do you keep texting?

- I have a Facebook stalker.
He keeps leaving me messages.

- Yeah, like what?
- Just stuff.

Like, "Hey, what's up?
You're hot. I wanna kill you."

- So delete him.

- I did, but he hacked his way
back in.

- So report him.

- He's really hot, though.
You wanna see?

- That's Channing Tatum.

- It is not. Is it?

- Yeah, from his
Abercrombie days.

You are being punked.

- Hello?
- Who is this?

- The more impatient version
of the person you just spoke to.

- I'm sorry. You don't
have to be a bitch about it.

- Of course I don't. Eat me.
- You hang up on me,

and I'll cut through your neck
until I feel bone!

- Who is it?
- It's for you.

- Hello?
- Who is this?

- It's Trudie. Who's this?

- This is the last person
you're ever gonna see alive.

- It's a prank. Hang up.

- Why'd you hand the phone
to me?

- You're the one
with the stalker.

- Are the doors locked?
- Don't freak out.

- Let it ring.

- It's from stalker boy.
He said, "Answer the phone."

For God's sake.

It's a joke, Trudie.
It's probably Lexi or Karen.

Where are you going?

- To make sure
the front door is locked.

- No. Don't open it.
- You're overreacting.

It's a joke, Trudie, OK?
Somebody made a dummy profile.

They're just trying
to scare you.

- Wait. Who is it?

I said, who is it?

Let's call the cops.

"I dare you to open the door."
- No, Sherrie. Don't.

No, don't, I'm scared.

- Hey, it could be
anyone that we know.

Lisa, Bailey, Wayne,

or the hopeful long shot,
Channing Tatum.

There's nobody out here.

- What does it say?

- It says, "I'm not outside.
I'm right beside you."

- Trudie! Trudie!
Oh, my God!

- You're fucking kidding me.
- What?

- That was so fucking stupid.
Pure horseshit.

The death of horror,
right here in front of us.

- I jumped. It scared me.
- A fucking Facebook killer?

You're kidding me, right?

- I guess now it would be
Twitter. That'd make more sense.

- A bunch of articulate teens
sit around

and deconstruct horror movies

until Ghostface kills them
one by one.

It's been done to death.

The whole self-aware,
postmodern meta shit.

Stick a fork in 1996, already.

- I like the Stab movies.
They're scarier.

It's not aliens or zombies
or little Asian ghost girls.

There's something real about
a guy with a knife who just...

...snaps.

It could really happen.

- I can't do it. These sequels
don't know when to stop.

They just keep recycling
the same shit.

Even the opening scene.

There's always some random girl
who gets a call

that undoubtedly ends up
getting her killed.

It's so predictable,
there's no element of surprise.

You can see everything coming.

- Did that surprise you?

It's your own fault.

- Why?
- Because you talk too much.

Now, shut the fuck up
and watch the movie.

- Oh, my God, I love it.

I've seen it five times and
it still gets me every time.

- You're kidding.
I don't get it.

OK... It's like
The Twilight Zone.

- Twilight Zone?
- A movie within a movie.

- I get that.
But it's illogical.

It begs the question that

if the beginning of Stab 7
is Stab 6,

then is the beginning
of Stab 6 Stab 5?

And, if so,
what is Stab 4 about?

- You're over-thinking it.
- Am I?

Or did whoever make it
just under-think it?

There's a reason
I don't watch these movies.

- I can't believe you haven't
seen them. We live in Woodsboro.

- That has nothing
to do with Woodsboro.

I thought you said Stab
was based on true stories.

- The first three,
the original trilogy,

is based off of Sidney Prescott,

but then she threatened to sue
them if they used her story,

so then they just started
making stuff up.

Stab 5 has time travel,
which is by far the worst.

- Don't we hear enough
about this story every year?

- At least Woodsboro's
known for something.

- Did you hear that?
- Um...

No, I didn't hear anything.

- I did.

- Jenny, don't try to scare me.

- I'm not trying to scare you.
- You do it all the time.

- No, I don't.
- Where are you going?

- I told you, I heard something.

- I know you're trying
to scare me.

- I'm not.

- What is it?

- I must have left
a window in my room open.

- Could you get that?

Marnie?
- Yeah.

Hello?

Hello.
Who is this?

- Marnie. Who is this?

- This is the last person
you're ever gonna see alive.

- What?

- I'm sorry.

I had to.

- You bitch.

So not funny.

- Somebody falls for it
every year.

- I don't see why
you get off on this...

Marnie?

Marnie?

Marnie?

Good one, Marnie.
Lights out, phone on the floor.

You know, you really
should direct horror films.

Wherever you are.

Let me guess. You want me
to walk by an open doorframe

so you can pop out, huh?

OK. Timing, timing is perfect.

But you don't have
the app on your phone

so you can't talk like
Ghostface, can you?

Yes, I can.

- Who is this?
- Not an app.

- Is this Trevor?

- Do I sound like
a Trevor to you?

Think of me as your director.
You're in my movie.

You got a fun part,
so don't blow it.

- What movie?
- Same one Marnie's in.

Only her part
got cut way back.

But you, you're
the dumb blonde
with the big tits.

We'll have some fun with you
before you die.

- I have a 4.0 GPA
and a 135 IQ, asshole.

What did you do with Marnie?

- She's on
the cutting room floor.

- That's not funny.
- This isn't a comedy.

It's a horror film.
People live, people die.

And you'd better
start running.

- Marnie?

Help me!

- What do you think?

- Well, I guess today
is the anniversary.

Kids.
- No, I meant the display.

- Oh.

- It's good.

- I told the owner
I'd kill his cat

if he didn't get it right.
- Nice.

- Mmm.

Ho! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Twenty-five, stay alive!

- Shit! Sorry, Sheriff!

- Kirby.

Hoo!

Hey, before you get in the car,

you have to promise
not to kill me.

- Why? What did you do?

- Trevor called me last night.
- Why is he calling you?

- Because you won't take
his calls.

He knows I have your ear,
and he wants to know.

- Know what?
- How upset you are.

- Look, can we just not
talk about this now, please?

- Fine. Fine.

- OK, so Trevor
called me last night.

- He called you, too?

- He's worried your cousin
coming to Woodsboro

is distracting you from knowing
how sorry he really is.

- Well, that's inventive.
- Oh, God.

- The problem with Trevor
is he never quits.

By the way, have you seen
the Grim Reaper? Angel of Death?

- What are you talking about?
- Your cousin.

- Sidney.
- Last stop on her book tour,

first stop on her road to
a new life. It's very dramatic.

She's the reason
why I love horror movies.

- I'm sure she'd love
to hear that.

If I knew her,
which I don't, really.

- Wherever she went,
people died.

Other people. It was never her.

I mean, Stab is the wrong
franchise for her.

It should be
Final Destination.

- OK, why is Jenny Randall
calling me?

- Ooh, the other woman.

- Hello?
- Hello, Jill.

- I can't stand Jenny.
- Shh! Jenny? Is this you?

- What's your favorite
scary movie?

- OK, who is this?
- What does she want?

- I said, who is this?
- I asked you a question.

What's your favorite
scary movie?

- I'm hanging up.

- Wow. That was original.

I got a call like that this
morning from Marnie the Carny.

- What?
- Watch out!

Nice move, asshole!

- You just ran a stop sign.

- Sorry.

- The Angel of Death.

- The mayor wants these down
before lunch.

- Only 25 more to go.

- Morning, Sheriff.
- Morning, Deputy.

- Joe.
- Morning, Sheriff.

- Looks like
the celebration's begun.

- High school kids, probably.

- Yeah. One generation's tragedy
is the next one's joke.

- Sorry you can never
get away from this.

You know, I wish I'd been old
enough to be a part of the force

when you were solving
those crimes.

- Why is that?

- It's those intense
investigations

that really bond relationships.

- Well, yeah.
- How is Gale, by the way?

- Gale's good, she's writing.

Fiction.

Or trying.

- Hey, I made some lemon
squares. They're in my car.

- Thanks, Deputy, but no thanks.

- Sheriff, you're not
cheating on your wife

if you eat my lemon square.

- Yeah, but I would be
cheating on my diet.

Sheriff Riley
Come in, Sheriff Riley!

- This is Sheriff Riley.
Go ahead.

- You gotta get over to
the Randall house right away.

It's bad, Sheriff, real bad.

The book is
Out of Darkness

and its author,
Sidney Prescott,

is here with us today.

Have the seven Stab movies,

all based on Gale Weathers'
books about you,

made it even harder to go on?

- I don't blame Gale.
That's in the past.

If I was a victim
for too long,

it was up to me
to reinvent myself.

- That's why I wrote
this book.
- Sidney Prescott, everybody.

And rave reviews for her book,
Out of Darkness.

- All right, Gale, let's do it.

Let's reinvent myself.

Except...

"I have no fucking idea

what to write."

Hey, wait up!

- Is that new?

- That's the 2.0
upgraded version.

- I'm totally mobile now.
- Nice. Look.

Oh! This is Hall Pass
with Robbie Mercer,

here with the luscious Olivia

"Don't look at my tits,
I have a mind" Morris.

Here is my Woodsboro Massacre
anniversary question:

What is your
favorite scary movie?

- Is that all you've got?
Some stupid douche question?

- Where'd you hear that
anyways?

- It's a line from Stab 1,
duh. Hey, Charlie.

You're a genre nut, Kirby.

What's your favorite
scary movie?

- Bambi.

- Mm-hm.

- Dork.
- What?

- That's funny, Kirby.

- Completely unaware you exist.
- No, man, she wants me.

Yeah, I wish, right? Asshole?

- I think Charlie likes you.
- And I like him.

To tease, to torment,
to make him squirm.

- You could do a lot worse,
trust me.

- Oh, hi, Trevor.
Bye, Trevor.

- Can we talk?

Somebody cares about you
over here, you know?

Someone who made you
really happy once.

Someone who never
should have let you go.

- When you're done with a
phone call, you let someone go.

Or when you take someone to
the airport, you let them go.

When you tell someone
you love her,

and she gives you everything,

and then you just go out
with someone else,

that is not letting her go,
that's dumping her. OK?

That's... That's betrayal.

- Trevor Sheldon, denied,

live on Hall Pass
with Robbie Mercer.

What is your favorite
scary movie, man?

I'll show you.

- And I began to believe,
myself,

that that was all I was,
a victim,

and that was unacceptable to me.

So I sat down,

and began to write a new role
that would be my own.

A role for a woman who could
leave the walls of fear behind,

and step back into the sunlight,
out of darkness.

Thank you.

- OK, we're gonna start
the book signing in a sec,

so buy your copies
while they last.

I'm looking at you, ladies.
New York Times Best Seller.

Rave reviews.

- Gale. I'm glad you came.
- Congratulations, Sidney.

I haven't had a chance
to read it yet, but...

- I know where you can get one.

Dewey! Hey!

Hey, Sid. Gale, you made it.

- What are you doing here?

Sid, I'm sorry,
I gotta do something here.

I'm really sorry. Excuse me!
This will only take a minute.

I need you all to stay
where you are and remain silent.

- Nobody leaves yet.
The sheriff thanks you.

- Can this wait, Barney Fife?
I'm running an event here.

- Ma'am, this is
a police event now.

- What's going on?
- Gale, this is police business.

If you could just
let us handle this...

- I'm talking to my husband,
Deputy Judy.

- Listen, there's a phone
we believe

may have been taken
from the scene of a crime.

Deputy Hicks has traced
its location

back to these coordinates.

- The rest is need-to-know.
- I'm not need-to-know?

Hoss, I'm hearing something.

- Sheriff, it's ringing
out here!

There!

It's coming from the trunk!
There!

- Dewey?

- Gonna need
everyone to stay back!

- Not now, Sid.
- It's my rental.

Damn!

- OK, it's now an official
crime scene. Let's lock it down.

Get that camera out of here!
Everybody back.

- Give me that camera!

- Please tell me this is
a prank, Dewey.

- I'm afraid not, Sid.
- Back up on the curb, ma'am.

- Come on.
- Everybody get back!

- Henry, you're not gonna
believe what just happened.

- Stand back, Gale. Gale!
- I just wanna see.

Cover up your kids' eyes!

- OK, essays are due Tuesday.

"Why Woodsboro is the best..."

Anything with an on-off switch
should be off, that's the rule!

Somebody wanna share?

- Jenny Randall and Marnie
Cooper were murdered last night.

- What?
- What?

- Stabbed to death.

- What's your favorite
scary movie?

Shut up!

- Yo, it's a news van.
- Class is not over!

That was fast.

- This week marks
the anniversary

of the infamous
Woodsboro Murders.

Two girls killed the exact day

local celebrity victim,
Sidney Prescott,

chose to return
to her hometown.

- It all could be something

right out of a Gale Weathers
bestseller.

And where is she now?

Well, living right here
in Woodsboro.

- Mrs. Riley.

- Hoss.
- First Lady.

- Perkins.

- Excuse me, Gale.
He's conducting an interview.

- Great. I love interviews.
- You'll have to wait, Gale.

- Sorry. I can't let you in
there.

- What are you gonna do,
arrest me, Deputy Judy?

- If it comes to it.

Civilian interference
with a police investigation

poses many a problem
in a court of law.

- OK, listen to me, Judy.

I don't mind that you're
working with my husband,

or that you even bake him
those little treats as you do.

But if you're gonna start
acting like him,

you gotta put a moustache on,

because you sound ridiculous.
- Gale!

- Judy!
- Gale!

Deputy. Gale.

Come on, please.

Sidney, if you don't mind
giving us a minute...

- Sid.
- Hi, Gale.

Dewey, would you please
explain to Betty Crocker

that I have every
right to be here?

If there's been another murder
in Woodsboro, obviously...

What?

- That is not public
information!

- It is all over
the Internet, Dewey!

- It is?
- Yes!

The whole world knows about it
before me!

- She wants to be a part
of the investigation, Sheriff.

- OK. Hang on. Um...

Are you familiar with the phrase
"I wrote the book on this"?

- Gale, with all due respect,

I don't see how that
pertains to...

- Because I wrote
the book on this!

The Woodsboro Murders
by Gale Weathers?

- But you're not a reporter
anymore, Gale.

- And even if you were...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't treat me like

I'm the media.
I helped solve these things,

three times, remember?
You and me. Together.

- But I'm the sheriff now, Gale.

- Right?

What? You're not gonna
let me help you with this?

- I can't.

- All right,
then I'm going rogue.

This is what I'm good at, Dewey.

This is what I know how to do.

Your lemon squares
taste like ass.

- They don't.
They really don't.

- Thank you, sir.

- Sheriff.
- Yeah?

- We've got a couple
high school kids in here.

Two of them, they say

they got threatening phone calls
this morning

from the victims' phones.

Names are Olivia Morris
and Jill Roberts.

- That's Sid's cousin. Damn.

- Right in here, Sheriff.

- Hey, Jill.
- Sidney.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- It's nice to see you,
even under the circumstances.

- You OK?
- Yeah.

- So two of you got phone calls?
- Yeah, us two.

"What's your favorite
scary movie?"

It was the killer's voice.
From Stab.

Or, I mean, you know,
from your life.

I'm Kirby, by the way.
I'm their friend.

- And the killer
didn't call you?

- No.
Is that a bad thing?

Does that mean that I'm not
gonna live as long as these two?

- No. Maybe.

Of course not.
Just... Just be careful.

- Oh, my God, did you hear that?
I'm gonna be next!

- Dewey, I shouldn't be here.
I should leave town.

- I'm afraid that's not
really possible, Sidney.

- Look, nobody thinks
you're involved,

but everyone's a suspect.
I'm sorry.

- And there was evidence
in your car,

connecting the killer to you.

You may be a material witness.

- So, look, you'll have
24-hour police protection.

- That's comforting.

- This is Rebecca.

Oh, my fucking God, Henry!
Yes, it's true.

Two girls butchered. Payday.

I was so not feeling Woodsboro.

I was like,
"lame PR move, right?"

Well, fuck me wow.

Best idea ever.
Henry, I'll call you back.

We're gonna have to
wrap this up.

- Excuse me, I have to geek out.

I didn't get a chance
to say something earlier,

but it's such an honor
to meet you.

- Oh, thank you.
- Rebecca Walters.

- Hi.
- When I was a kid,
it was all about Top Story

with Gale Weathers.
You were my '90s.

- Well, it's Gale Riley now.
- You gave it all up for love,
I know that.

How long have you
and Dewey been married?

- Ten years.
- Oh.

Just like your characters
in Stab 3.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- I didn't mean bad wow.

It just always seemed like
more of a movie romance

than a real one,
because it was a movie.

In real life
you two would never be...

Ooh... Dug a hole.

Climbing out here.
So, anyway,

kudos on being brave enough to
drop off the professional map.

Any plans on revitalizing
your tarnished brand?

- Listen, in about two seconds,
I'm gonna revitalize your face

with my tarnished brand.
- Ooh.

I still got it.

- Testy.

- She's so pretty. When you
think about what she's survived,

she must have
scars everywhere.

- Shh! Come on.

- Her mom was my sister.
I have scars, too.

No one ever asks me
about my scars.

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Roberts.
- She means knife scars, Mom.

- Oh. Well, fine.

- How are you? How's Gale?

- I'm all right.

But Gale...
It's been hard on her.

Small town, small-town husband.

Not much to write about.

- You two OK?

- Well, I read somewhere once,

"Just when you think
things can't get any worse,

sometimes they don't.
Sometimes they get better."

Out of Darkness by
Sidney Prescott, page 220.

I've gotta get going.

- It's nice to see you, Dewey.

We've been through a lot
together.

- And we'll get through this,
too. OK?

- Lock up.
- Mm-hm.

- Be cool. It's OK. It's just
me. Relax, relax. It's just me.

- What the hell
are you doing here?

There are cops
right out front!

- No match for the ninja, baby.

Anyway, what are you doing in
the house with Sidney Prescott?

I mean, that's like being
on Top Chef
with Jeffrey Dahmer.

Can you please get away
from the window?

You have no right to be in here.
Not anymore.

- Hang on.

I heard you got a phone call
from the killer.

- Is that true?
- What do you care?

Don't you think you'd be
a lot safer with me around?

- I don't trust you, Trevor.
- Hey.

Then I'm just gonna have
to make sure that you do.

All right?

- Oh, sorry. I didn't...

- No, he's just leaving.
It's my ex.

- Oh.
- Yeah. Her one and only.

- Hi.
- Hi.

It's cool to meet you...
officially.

I keep meaning to pick up
a copy of your book, but...

You're smaller in person.

- What?
- Nothing.

You just...
You remind me of... me.

- Lock your window, OK?
- Yeah. Good night.

- Night.

Sorry about that.

Just making my rounds
before taking off.

- Great. Thanks.

- You don't remember me, do you?

- Sorry?

- We went to high school
together.

- Judy Hicks.

We had the same homeroom.

And drama club, too.

We were in Peter Pan together.
I played a Lost Boy.

You were... Tiger Lily.

- I'm sorry,
that was a long time ago.

- It's OK.

You had a lot of stuff
going on back then.

- Well, it's nice to see you
again, Judy.

- You, too.

Everything OK upstairs?

You're supposed to be
out front, Perkins.

- What's a four-letter word
for courage?

- Uh...

..."guts."

- That's Olivia Morris.
She lives next door.

- She's on the list.
- Yeah.

She can live next door to me.

- Now seriously, Mary,
I'm warning you, OK?

I'm gonna have
to get physical.
I mean it.

This is it! Just fuck off!

- Hello?
- What are you guys up to?

- We're watching
Shaun of the Dead.

- You know there are two zombies

sitting outside the house
in a car?

- Yup. They're cops.
You wanna come up?

- The Angel of Death leave?
- No, she's in the guest room.

- Forget it.
Next door's close enough.

- Your mom home?
- She's at her boyfriend's.

It's creepy around here tonight.

- Well, the zombies
are still in their car,

so you should be all right.

- Call me tomorrow, OK?
- All right.

- She didn't wanna come up?
- She fears the Reaper.

- Watch this.

- Speaking.

- What's your favorite
scary movie, Olivia?

- That's the worst imitation
I've ever heard, Jill.

Speaking of Stab,
have you heard

where the Stab-a-Thon
is gonna be yet?

- No, and it doesn't matter
to me anyways.

My mom doesn't let me go.

- It's Trevor. I'll handle this.
- Trevor's calling. Again.

- What do you want?

I wanna talk to Jill.

- Uh, no, it's Kirby.
Sorry, Trevor.

Jill is screening her calls
from all past relationships.

- What's going on over there?

- Hang on a sec.
What is he saying?

- I'm not Trevor.
- What?

I can barely hear you, Trevor.
- This isn't Trevor.

- Oh, all right.

Well, then why do you have
his phone, whoever this is?

He's trying to do Ghostface.

- He's being weird.

- I want to talk to Jill.

- OK, well, she doesn't
wanna talk to you.

Come on, Mr. Ghostface,
whisper to me.

Aren't you supposed
to ask me a question?

- All right.

- How's the movie?
- What movie?

Shaun of the Dead.

How did you know that?

- Because I'm standing
in the closet.

- Stop. You are not.

- What's going on?
- Trevor's being weird.

I mean, if it is him.
I don't know.

- What?
- This is not fucking Trevor!

- Well, then who the fuck
are you?

- Open the closet door.

- You do know there are cops
all over this house?

- I think I'd have just enough
time to slice someone open.

- I'll talk to him.
- Shh!

- What's going on over there,
you guys?

- Sorry. I don't know. Kirby.
- Shh!

- Kirby!
- Come on, do it.

- There is no way
you're in there.

- See for yourself.

Kirby... Kirby, come on.
Talk to me. This isn't funny.

Kirby!

- Liar. I'm over this.

- I never said
I was in your closet.

- Wha...?

- Oh, my God!
- Olivia!

Help, somebody!

- Stop!

- Help!

- No! Don't! No! Help!

- Hoss! Perkins!
- Somebody help!

- Shit!

Help! Help!

Come on, help!

- Stop it!

- What?
- Welcome home, Sidney.

Preview of coming events.

- Why don't you come for me?
You got the balls for that?

- Oh, poor Sidney. You think
this is all about you.

You think you're
still the star.

- This isn't a fucking movie!

- It will be.
- These are innocent people.

- Spare me the lecture.

You've done very well by all
this bloodshed, haven't you?

Well, how about the town
you left behind?

I've got plans for you.

I'm gonna slit
your eyelids in half

so you don't blink
when I stab you in the face.

You'll die when I want you to,
Sidney.

Not a moment before. Until
then, you're going to suffer.

- Sidney!
- Jill! Stay right there!

- Is she...?
- Do not look. OK?

- She said you were
the Angel of Death.

Look out!

What's going on
in here?

- He's in here.

- Where is he?

- Ma'am?
- He was.

What is your status?

We'll check out back.

- Jill?
- Don't.

- What happened?
Oh, my God, Jill!

Jesus!

Baby, baby. I'm here.
Come on, let's go.

I'm gonna take care of you.
Here. I got it.

- Jill? Oh, my God.
Are you OK?

Here, keep pressure on it.
- There's nobody back there.

Hoss, call it in.
- Right.

- Hey. Are you OK?

- You should look upstairs.

Let's get the coroner's
van brought around, please.

- The kids are over there.
- Over by that tree.

It's all your fault,
Sidney.

You're just like
your mother!

Hoss,
clear these people out.

- Right.
- I thought this was over.

Come on, leave her alone.

You folks go home.
Come on.

- Get out of the street, please.

- I'm sorry about what I said.

Do you wanna go
get that looked at?

- Yeah.

- What the hell happened?

- OK. I saw him go
into that yard

two houses down right before...

- Yeah, and I circled around
to cut him off.

- And?
- And I met Hoss coming

from the other direction.

- He must have circled
back around somehow.

He's like a ghost.

- Chief, we're sorry.
- We feel terrible.

All right. Get outta here.

- This is Hall Pass
with Robbie Mercer,

webcasting live
in our darkest hour.

What began as a day
of remembrance has ended

with serial murder.

Olivia Morris, who officially
will never go out with me,

is dead.

So is Jenny Randall
and Marnie Cooper.

Our local legacy, the Stab
movies, is coming to life.

- Excuse me. Are you
recording with that thing?

- Live video-blog upload.
He's webcasting right now.

- Mind turning it off

for a little old-school
off the record?

- Can't. Owe it to my audience.
- Turn that fucking thing off.

- OK.

- So you two are the boys
that run the movie club

at Woodsboro High, huh?

- Charlie runs it. I'm just VP,
in case he takes a bullet.

- It's called Cinema Club.

- So you must have
a very unique insight

into the movie buffs
at your school.

- Maybe.

- What if we could catch
the killer by working together?

Two generations
of cutting-edge journalists

intertwining
our passions for media?

What would you say?
- I love you.

- Very good.

Now, you give me your expertise
on the gore geek scene

at Woodsboro High,

and maybe I give you
something in return.

Say a celebrity visit
to your Cinema Club? By me.

- What about Sidney?

- What about Sidney?

- Yeah, you know her, right?
I mean, you're friends with her.

- No offense, but that'd be
a big deal for Cinema Club.

A visit from Sidney Prescott?
I mean, she's the star.

- Ooh.

Yes, she's Daniel Radcliffe
to my J.K. Rowling.

- Without the book sales
and the box office.

- Whatever.

- There's no broken bones.

I think you'll be fine.
Take it easy.

You were lucky, Sidney.

- So, Sidney... Ooh, ow.

Anyway, long story short,

Random wants to lock you
in to three more books now.

See the blank line
in your contract?

You can name your price.

And, as soon as you're clear
in this investigation,

we're on the next plane
to New York.

I booked Today, The View,
Nancy Grace, MTV News...

- Excuse me.
Can I ask you a question?

- Mm.
- Did you read my book?

- Thought I'd wait
for the movie.

- Book tour's over.
- Sidney.

Accept your situation.

You're a victim. For life.
So embrace it, use it.

I know you care about
your readers.

All those little
downtrodden fucks

that need a light
at the end of their tunnel

so they don't jump off a bridge.

And a lucky break like this?

I'm talking 100 percent
increase in sales, minimum.

That's maybe a million more
people get your message,

and you get a ton more checks.
Win-win.

- I won't be needing you
anymore.

- Sidney.
- You're fired.

- Fired?
- Fired.

- Fine.

"Have you
even read my book, Rebecca?"

The problem with Sidney
is that she never gets laid.

Or even a little shit-faced
once in a while.

She'll call me tonight
and apologize. Just watch.

She'll come around.

Gotta just give her time,
Sidney will come around.

Where did I...?

Ah.

- This is Rebecca.

Sidney Prescott, please.

- I'm handling Miss Prescott's
calls and appearances.

May I take a message?
- You are the message.

Are you writing this down?
- Yes, I am.

It's kind of hard to hear you.
I'm in the hospital with Sidney.

If you could just
hang on one second.

I've got time.

It's you that doesn't.

You know, Rebecca,

it doesn't sound to me
like you're in the hospital.

Sounds like you're
in a parking garage.

A dark and deserted
parking garage.

But if you want to be
in the hospital,

I'd be happy to put you there.

In the fucking morgue!

- Shit...

No!

Help!

Help! Help me!

Help!

Cut and run,
you fucking bastard!

- This is an ongoing
investigation.

Rest assured, we're pursuing
a number of leads.

The less I say about that,
the better.

- Sheriff...
- So I'm taking questions.

- Sheriff!

- Dewey!
- Gale?

- Any comment on the fact that
these killings seem to resemble

the pattern of the original
Woodsboro Murders?

- Hon? Later.
- Wha...?

- What was that, Sheriff?

- As I was saying,
my officers are hard at work,

and we just want
the community to know

that we are very close

to bringing this whole
situation under control...

Ahh!

- Oh, shit!
- All right, someone,

get up to the top
of the structure! Go, go!

Everyone, back! Stay back!

All right, nobody move!

Listen,
I want a man on each stairwell.

- Do you see anybody?
- Nobody up here.

There's nobody
up there, Sheriff!

- It's all under control,
huh, Sheriff?

- What am I supposed to say?

- Listen, I may not
be wearing a uniform,

but I happen to have a lead
and you don't.

So let me know when
you're back on Team Gale.

Move it, amateurs!

And remember students,

tonight's town curfew
is 9:00.

You should be home
with your doors
locked at 9:00.

OK, Cinema Club.
We are now in session. Welcome.

Tell you a little bit about
ourselves. We are a sanctioned

after-school activity,
one rung below the Glee Club,

two above Nintendo Wii Fit.

And let me just say
to our guest, Sidney Prescott,

it's an honor.

- Beyond Jamie Lee Curtis,
forget Linda Blair,

I mean,
this is the ultimate.

- Thanks. I guess. Um...

This? You film your
entire high school experience,

and what, post it on the Net?

- Everybody'll be doing it
someday, Sid.

It's kind of the one component
the killer's missing.

- Wait. What do you mean?

Well, if you wanna be
the new-new version.

The killer should be
filming the murders.

Yeah, it's the natural next step
in a psycho slasher innovation.

I mean, you film them all
real time,

and then before
you get caught,

you upload them
into cyberspace.

- Making your art
as immortal as you.

- Not to implicate him.
- Not to implicate me.

- So who do you think
is behind the murders?

- Well, it's
a Stab fanatic,
clearly.

Working on less of
a shriekquel and more
of a scream-make.

- Copyrighted terms,
by the way.

- 'Cause all there are now
are remakes.

Only horror the studios
green light.

- I mean, there are
still rules...

- Psst!
- ...but the rules have changed.

The unexpected is
the new cliche.

Yeah, you gotta have
an opening sequence

that blows the doors off,

dial up some flashy
music-video direction,

and the kills gotta be
way more extreme.

Modern audiences
get savvy

to the rules of
the originals,

so the reversals
become the new standard.

In fact, the only surefire way

to survive a modern horror
movie?

You pretty much have to be gay.

- So why are you so sure
that the killer's working

by the rules
of a horror remake?

- The original Stab structure
is pretty apparent.

- Two kids killed in a house
when their parents are away...

- And the school's hot chick
"savaged beyond recognition."

- We all know where
it goes from there.

- A party.
- Exactly. A party.

Guaranteed third act
main cast bloodbath.

- Fingers crossed
on some nudity for a change.

- OK, so do you know of a party
that's happening tonight?

- Well, there's Stab-a-Thon.

- Stab-a-Thon?
- It's a movie marathon.

All seven Stabs back-to-back.
We do it every year.

- And it's tonight?

There's a killer out there
patterning his murders

after the original movie.
- I know. It's pretty wild.

- Well, you have to call it off.

- OK, I mean, it's Friday.

I'm sure we're not
the only party

that's going on in Woodsboro.

- OK, where is this
circle jerk gonna take place?

- So who's ready for this Q & A?

- No, no. I really
want the location.

- You know, it's kind
of an underground thing.

Email invites, pretty secret.

- What, you're
not gonna tell
me? Really?

We're working
together. Remember?

- So are you ready
for that Q & A?

- Fuck you. Let's go.

That was awesome.

- Nobody comes
or goes unless we say...

You got it.

- I feel like I'm under
house arrest.

- You know when people say,
"I know how you feel"...

...but you know
they're just saying that

because they really have
no frigging idea how you feel?

I know how you feel.

I am... so sorry about Olivia.

- I'm sorry about
your publicist.

How do you handle it?

People staring at you
all the time?

- People stare at me?

- I could never handle that
kind of attention. I just...

...feel like it would
take over your whole life.

- What I do is I...
try not to think about me.

I have people I care about,
I focus on them.

And the rest, it works out.

- You saved my life last night.

I mean, I know we're family,
but you hardly know me.

It makes me wonder, you know,

if I'd have been brave enough
to do the same thing.

- I really hope you never
have to find that out.

- Well, if you need me,
you know where to find me.

I'll be up in my cell.
Or, I mean, my room.

Her room's all boarded up.
That's the view from my cell.

It's really weird.

I think Olivia
would understand, OK?

She'd want me
to be around other people.

Holy shit. Even if I did just
crash-land on Planet Dork.

Speaking of which,
Trevor's here.

- Hey, Kirby.

- What is he doing there?
That is so not his scene.

- I have no idea. Maybe
he thought you would be here.

- Yeah, fat chance.
After what happened
last night?

I mean, my mom is
just completely freaked out.

It's not pretty.

- All right, look.
You go do your good girl thing,

and I will drink for the both
of us. I will keep you posted.

- All right. Be safe.

- Yeah, check it out!

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Here, stab me!

- Kill him like a bitch, dude!

- I'm not the one
who got the number, man.

Whoa!

Stab-a-Thon!

Stab-a-Thon! Stab-a-Thon!
Stab-a-Thon!

Thank you! Thank you!

Shh!

Cinema Club thanks you
for coming out

for our third annual
Stab-a-Thon.

Safety in numbers,
my friends! Safety in numbers!

- Who's ready to drink
every time

someone can't get
a cell phone signal?

Who's ready to drink

every time someone shuts
the refrigerator door,

and, oh, my God, there's
a harmless character

right behind it?

- Who's ready to drink every
time someone screams the word...

No!

- Let's get this Stab-a-Thon
started!

- Hey, watch it!
- Out of the way!

- Down in front!

- Move your ass!
- Screw you!

- Yes.

Oh, yeah. Back on my game.

Perfect.

New work in progress,
chapter one.

When I moved to Woodsboro,
I never in a million years

dreamed that I would again
play the critical role

in solving another series
of these...

What?

What the hell?

- Gale, where are you?

- I followed the kids
to the Stab-a-Thon.

There's an old abandoned farm
on Fort Dillon Road.

Listen, I've got it
under surveillance,

but I think the killer's

about to make his move.
- What makes you so sure?

You do a remake
to out-do the original,

that's what the kids said.

This party is all about
the Stab movies.

Come on!
How meta can you get?

- How "what-a" can you get?

- I don't know.
I heard them say it.

Dewey, listen to me,
you have to get out here!

Come on, you catch the killer,
I get the story. It's a win-win.

- Well, I thought
you were going rogue, Gale.

- Oh, come...
Are you serious? Come on!

Forget it.
Thanks for having faith in me.

I gotta fix my equipment.

- Gale!

Shit.

You uncomfortable, baby?

- Bravo. Very well done.
I'm very impressed.

I mean, kind of impressed.
Not really.

- That'll do.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, she wants me.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Whoo!

No!

- Ghostface, yeah!

- Don't answer it!

- Hello?
- Hello.

- Who is this?
- Were you expecting somebody?

- No.
- No.

You know,
I don't even know you,

and I dislike you already.

- Hicks, how far are you
from Fort Dillon Road?

- Five minutes at the most,
sir.

- Well, step on it.

- Look out your window.

- Gale! Gale, behind you!

Gale!

Freeze!

- Get out of the way,
you morons!

Damn it!

OK, put pressure on that.

- Did you catch him?
- No.

Hopefully, your cameras
got something.

- They weren't the only ones.
- What?

- There's a webcam
that's hidden up there.

- It was watching me.
- A webcam?

- He's recording the murders.
- What?

- This time...
he's making the movie.

Sidney Prescott detail,
man. I don't like it.

The cops guarding the house,
they always get it.

- What are you talking about?
- It's a movie cop rule.

It sucks to be a cop in a movie,
unless you're Bruce Willis.

- Not all cops die in movies.

- No, but if it's your last day
before retirement, you do.

If you're a rookie
and just found out

your wife is pregnant,
you do.

Or if your partner is better
looking than you, you do.

And, by the way,

I win that one.
- I win that one.

You know what?
I'll take the next perimeter.

I'll be right back.

Shit. I know this one.

You're not supposed
to say that, are you?

- New decade, new rules.

You know, these days, you might
come back, find me dead.

Eyes gouged out, tongue sticking
out. Could go either way.

- I gotta learn this shit.
- Ha.

I'll take this one.

- Hey, Hoss.

Be careful.
- I'm always careful.

- Dead man walking.

- Perkins, was there
a window open

on your last perimeter check?

Perkins, come in, over.

Anthony?

Perkins?

Ahh!

Damn it.

- You should've seen
the look on your face, rookie.

Hoss! What the fuck?

Ahh!

Oh, shit.

Fuck Bruce Willis.

- Sorry! The wind chimes
were over here.

- It was me.
I was trying to fix them, sorry.

- I'm just back from the store.
- You're shopping?

- My stress buster. I've got
one more bag in the car.

I'll be right back.

Jill?
You gonna get that?

Roberts residence.

You're
a survivor,
aren't you, Sidney?

Your one and only skill.
You survive.

I have one question for you:

What good's it
to be a survivor
in this little drama,

if everyone close to you
is dead?

- Who are you?

- Turn on the TV
to channel six.

- Who the fuck are you?!
- Turn it on.
Watch the teaser.

- ...nearly turned deadly
tonight

with the latest victims
of these attacks

being the wife of
the Woodsboro sheriff,

Gale Riley,
aka Gale Weathers,

who's in serious condition
tonight after being stabbed.

Her assailant then disappeared
in a sea of identical...

- Glad you came home, Sidney?
Has it been worth it yet?

- Why are you doing this?
- Friends count,

but it's the family ties that
cut deep, right? Am I right?

- What do you mean?
- The ones you care
about most.

And what's closer than family?
The bond of blood.

- Don't.
- You can't save them.

All you can do is watch.

- Jill!

Come on...

- Kate?
- Sid?

- Jill's not in her room.
- Oh, my God!

She's gone to Kirby's. You gotta
call her and get her back here.

- OK.

- Come on, Jill!
- Leave a message.

- She's not picking up.
What's going on?

- The killer called.
He's coming after me,

but he wants my family first.
- Oh, God, Jill!

- Let's get the cops.
- The cops aren't there.

- What?

- They were there
when I first came in,

but they're not there now.
- Let's get to Kirby's.

Out the front!

- Brace it from the bottom!
Can you?

Let's get out of here!

Kate, come on! Kate?

- Tell Jill I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, no.

Kate...

Hicks! What are you doing?

- I just saw somebody coming
around the side of the house.

Where are Hoss and Perkins? I
couldn't get them on the radio.

Whose blood is that?

- It's Kate's.
We were just attacked.

- She's dead.
- Where is she?

- Front door.
- Show me.

- OK.

- Stay here.
- OK.

- This is Deputy Hicks.

I've got a homicide
at the Roberts residence.

No sign of Perkins or Hoss.

Copy that.
We'll try to locate them.

- I'm so sorry.

Hey!

Halt!

- You're gonna be fine,
all right? I swear.

No more "on your own."
It's you and me, forever.

- One, two, three.

- Easy.

- Dewey?
- Yeah?

- Promise me something.
- Anything.

- Catch that motherfucker.

- Absolutely. I love you.
- I love you.

- You missed chaos. Utter chaos.

- I can't believe that.

- The sheriff's wife, man!

She told us to cancel it,
and we didn't, and now this?

What are we supposed to do?

- Robbie, calm down.
It makes sense.

This is what the reboots do.
They one-up the original ending.

- The Woodsboro Murders ended
at a party. So in the remake...

- The party's the false ending.
New rules.

- Exactly.

- OK, no offense, guys,
but I'm gonna put in Stab 7.

- Yes!

- Nobody cancels
my film festival.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't wanna watch that,

not after what
happened to Olivia.

- Come on, it was her favorite.
- Wow, Kirby.

You got some classics here.
- Yup.

Suspiria,
Don't Look Now.

- You know it.

I could trivia your ass
under the table, Cinema Boy.

- Oh, yeah?

- Who played Leatherface first?
- Gunnar Hansen.

- Wow. Did you feel that?

That charge that moved
between us just then?

- Oh, that was me.

I have powers.
- So sexy.

- You guys are unbelievable.

You're playing fucking
trivia games?

The cops are gonna come for us.

They're gonna shut down
my website.

We're so dead!
- Yeah. I agree.

- Jesus Christ,
where'd you come from?

- The front door.
By the way, Kirby,

with everything
that's going on right now,

you probably
shouldn't leave that unlocked.

- Sorry.

- And, may I ask, what
the hell you're doing here?

- What? Didn't I find
the afterparty?

- No, you found the anti-party,
and it's invitation only.

- Yeah, well, I got
an invitation. From Jill.

- So, what's the story?

- What?

- You sent me a text message.
"Afterparty at Kirby's house."

I mean, it was from your phone.

- What do you mean,
from my phone?

Where is my phone?

I think I left it in your car.
I didn't text him.

I didn't text you.
And I'll prove it.

- So Charlie, Robbie.

How does it feel to be
accessories to a crime, huh?

I mean, really, Dewey's wife?
- My life is over.

- So which one of you guys

sent me a text message
from Jill's phone?

- We're just supposed to accept
that you're telling the truth?

- Isn't your phone missing?

- Got a new one.
- Really?

Oh, that's incredibly
convenient.

- Dewey, it's Hicks.
- What's up?

- Kate Roberts is dead,
and Sidney fled the scene.

- What? What happened to Kate?

- She was stabbed
just like the others.

- What about Jill?
- No sign of her at all.

- Where the hell
were Hoss and Perkins?

- They were found dead
in their car two blocks away.

- Multiple stab wounds.
- OK.

- I'm on my way.
- Yes, sir.

- Wrong number.

- Who was that?
- Nobody.

Did you pick
a movie?

Yeah.
We're gonna go scary. Saw IV.

I saw that
in theaters. It sucks.

It's not scary, it's gross.

Well, I liked it,
so I...

Charlie,

you wanna sit over here
next to me?

All right.

- All right, get
ready for a
Hall Pass

with Robbie
Mercer extra.

Now, tonight,

there is a
good chance

that Charlie
Walker,

yes, my
Charlie Walker,

may get lucky
with a girl.

Now, I'm unable
to divulge

my exact
location,

however, suffice
it to say

Woodsboro High
may be in store

for some
geek history.

We'll see.

Hello?

Who's there?

Oh, my God!

- Where are you going?

- To make sure the front door
is locked.

No. Don't open it.

You're overreacting.

- Hey, Charlie.
- Yeah?

I'm sorry. I know you're
into the movie and all, but...

...now would be a really
good time to make a move.

For me to make a move?

- Uh-hm.

- Couldn't you make a move?
- I just did.

'Cause you're actually
pretty cute.

Especially when I'm scared
and lonely and drunk.

- Hey, guys,
did you see Jill come in?

I didn't see her outside.

- Yes, Trevor, she is upstairs.

Thank God you're here
to protect her,

when you can't even find her.

- There's nobody out here.

- Oh, dude, I love
this part of the movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just when
you think they're all safe

and comfortable in the house,
Ghostface comes in and bam!

Did I just interrupt
something right here?

Shut the fuck up!

- Who invited you, Trevor?

- All right. Clearly not you.

Wow. I'm gonna be upstairs,
laughing.

- Get out of my house!

- Yeah, yeah...

OK, I'm a little drunk, so don't
blame your Internet connection.

Let's see what Charlie's up to,
shall we?

Or the saga of Trevor and Jill.

Oh, the intrigue
of Woodsboro High.

Who needs a killer around
when there's so much drama?

Oh, man.

Yeah...
That's better.

Wait, no, you can't!
You can't! There's rules!

I'm gay! I'm gay!

I mean, if it helps.

...random girl
who gets a call

that undoubtedly
ends up getting her killed.

That's so predictable.

There's no element
of surprise.
You can see...

- Kirby! I found my phone.
It was up in your room.

There was no text message
sent to Trevor.

He is such a liar.

- Where is he?
- What do you mean, where is he?

He just went
upstairs looking for you.

- He's not upstairs.

- Trevor?

Charlie? Robbie?

Maybe they're outside.

- Jill?
- Sidney!

- I'm sorry, I should've told...
- No, it's OK.

I need you to come with me.
Come with me right now, OK?

- Oh, God!

- Run!
- Robbie!

- Go!

Sidney!

Come on!

- The balcony!
- There's no other way out?

- We can jump!

- It's two stories!
Where's your cell?

- Here.
- Get under the bed!

- What?
- Just do what I say!

Don't make a sound and don't
come out until I come get you.

Trust me.
- Ok.

You got it? You're OK?

Jill, run!
Just keep running, get help!

- Hello?
- Dewey!

- Sidney, where are you?

- I'm at Kirby's.
The killer is here.

I need your help.
- I'm on my way.

- OK.

Sidney? Sidney!

I need all units
to 329 Whispering Lane.

- All units,
329 Whispering Lane!

- Sorry, it's just me.
Look, I tried to call 911,

but the landline's dead,
and someone smashed the router.

- I think I got through
on my cell.
- Where's Jill?

- Oh, God! Go, go, go!
Get in.

There's a room down here.
We can lock ourselves in.

I heard you yelling to Jill.
Did she get away?

- I think she's safe.

- Kirby, let me in!
- Charlie.

- No, no! I just found Robbie.
This is his blood. Please!

Please! There is someone
else out here! Let me in!

- If you can't trust him,
don't open the door.

- Oh, my God, let me in!

Get away from the door,
Charlie.

- Kirby, it is me.
Please let me in!

- Get away from the door,
Charlie.

- It's me!

- I'm sorry, I can't.

- What the fuck?!
- I'm sorry.

- Behind you!
- Look out!

- No! No, no, no, no!

Kirby!

- Oh, no. God, no, please.
Leave him alone!

Leave him alone!

- It's Charlie's phone.

Tell Sidney
heads are gonna
roll tonight.

Tell Sidney it's all
because of her.

Or maybe she wants
to take his place.

I promise to be quick.

- It's him.
- OK, I'm gonna get Jill.

We should be in the same place.
Just keep him on the phone.

I'll be right back, OK?

- Let him go, please.

- I hear you like
horror movies, Kirby.

But do you like them
as much as him?

Forget watching Stab.
You get to live it.

- No, no, no! He's the expert!
It's not me!

Jason's weapon?

- It's a machete.

- There, you see?
You do know the genre.

Michael Myers?

- Butcher knife.
- Leatherface?

- A chainsaw. Please!

- Just ask Sidney if you
need some help.
Freddy Krueger?

- Razor hands.
- Name the movie

that started
the slasher craze.

Halloween,
Texas Chainsaw Massacre,

Last House on the Left
or Psycho?

- Psycho!

- None of the above!

Peeping Tom, 1960,
directed by Michael Powell.

First movie to ever put the
audience in the killer's POV.

- What? Wait. No, no. Please,
just ask me one more question!

- Just one more!
- All right, Kirby.

Then it's time for
your last chance question.

Name the remake

of the groundbreaking
horror movie in which

the villain...
- Halloween, Texas Chainsaw,

Dawn of the Dead, The Hills
Have Eyes, Amityville Horror,

Last House on the Left,
Friday the 13th,

A Nightmare on Elm Street,
My Bloody Valentine,

When a Stranger Calls,
Prom Night,

Black Christmas, House of Wax,
The Fog, Piranha!

It's one of those, right? Right?

I got it right.
I was fucking right!

- Jill?

- I won, Charlie! I fucking won!

I won. He tried to beat me,
but I fucking won.

- Right, Kirby.

- Hold on. OK.

Almost there.
Just hang tight. OK.

OK. OK. All right.

- Kirby? This is making a move.

- Four years of classes together
and you notice me now?

Stupid bitch! It's too late!

Shh! Shh!

I know, I know.
It's OK. Take your time.

Doesn't happen as fast as
it does in the movies, I know.

- Charlie.

- Kirby?

- You know, you learn a lot when
you watch movies over and over,

and all the plots
are about trying to kill you.

- Where's Jill?

- You think she's gonna
get away?

You think anyone gets away?

- Jill!

- Hello, Sidney. Surprised?

Watch this.

This is the part, my dear
cousin, when the cameras...

...turn off.

- Charlie?
- Already taken care of.

Man, I got great footage
of my Robbie kill.

Better than Jenny and Marnie
or Olivia even.

- Good. We'll cut
and upload it later,

and make it all
traceable to Trevor.

- Speaking of which...

Remind you of anything?
- Jill, please!

Shut up, dick!

- Everything I learned,
I learned from you.

- You think you had
a shitty boyfriend, Sidney?

Here's one that fucks you,
dumps you

and doesn't even
make you famous.

- What the fuck, Jill?!
I loved you!

- Shut the fuck up already!

- I'm sure those cops
want you to have this, Jill.

For your protection.

Mm-mm.

- Baby, please! Baby, please!

- Shouldn't have killed
all those people, Trev.

Gone and put it on video even.

But it means a lot
that you did it for me.

- What the fuck
are you talking about?!

- I am not the girl
you cheat on!

Fuck!

- I've gone through everything.

We're definitely good
on timeline.

- Oh, yeah. We're perfect.
- No, no, no, please!

That should
keep him quiet.

Ready for act three?

- Got it figured out yet,
Sidney?

In keeping with
our remake theme,

Trevor's this generation's
Billy Loomis,

and we're the innocent victims,
Sidney and Randy.

- See, with you, the world
just heard about what happened.

- But with us,
they're gonna see it.

It's gonna be a worldwide
sensation.

I mean,
people gotta see this shit.

It's not like anyone
reads anymore.

We're gonna know fame
like you never even dreamed of.

- Last two teenagers standing.

This time Randy gets the girl.

You were amazing.
You're the perfect victim.

- I was so believable today,
wasn't I?

I mean, I told so many lies

that I actually started
to believe them.

I really think
that I was born for this.

- How could you do this?

- Do you know what it was like
growing up in this family?

Related to you?

I mean, all I ever heard was
Sidney this and Sidney that

and Sidney, Sidney, Sidney.

You were always
just so fucking special!

Well, now I'm the special one.
- You'll slip. They always do.

Come on, Charlie,
let's get on with this.

You have to be strong.

And hold still. OK?

- Yeah. Yeah, old-school,
like Billy and Stu.

Come on, baby, get it up!

Come on! Shoulder me! Shoulder
me! Shoulder me! Get it up!

The heart! That's not
the way we rehearsed it.

- You said it, Charlie.
Billy and Stu, Trevor and you.

- What the media really loves,
baby, is a sole survivor.

Just ask you-know-who.

Trevor was your partner.

But you, you were the idea man.

- Even your friends.

- My friends?

What world are you living in?

I don't need friends.

I need fans. Don't you get it?

This has never been
about killing you.

It's about becoming you.

I mean, for fuck's sake,
my own mother had to die,

no great loss there, so I could
stay true to the original.

That's sick, right?

Well, sick is the new sane.

You had your 15 minutes,
now I want mine!

I mean, what am I supposed
to do? Go to college?

Grad school? Work?

Look around.

We all live in public now,
we're all on the Internet.

How do you think people
become famous anymore?

You don't have
to achieve anything.

You just gotta have
fucked-up shit happen to you.

So you do have to die, Sid.

Those are the rules.
New movie, new franchise.

There's only room for one lead,

and let's face it,
your ingenue days,

they're over.

Don't tell me you didn't
know this day would come.

Fuck!

- Come on, let's move it!

- He's gone.

Check the rooms,
both sides and upstairs.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Jill, can you give us
a description of the murderer?

- What happened in there?

- Did you see the killer's face?
What did he look like?

- Jill, how does it feel
to be a hero?

It's OK.
You're gonna be OK.

Jill. You made it.
That's all that matters.

- Trevor, Charlie,
they tried to kill me.

And I heard they killed my mom.

And... and Robbie
and Kirby, too.

- Shh.

Just lay back. Try to rest.

- Is your wife...?

She's gonna be fine.
She's recovering.

- If I ever write a book
one day,

I'd... I'd want her
to write it with me.

We'd be a good team with
our matching wounds and all.

We're survivors now.

I just wish Sidney was, too.

- Jill, they're not sure yet.

It's still touch and go,
but she's in ICU.

And they think Sidney
just might make it.

- What?
But I saw Trevor kill her.

- Look, we don't know yet,
but she's hanging on.

- I wanna see her.

- She's not awake yet.

And she may not remember
anything.

You'll have to help her
with that.

All in time.
Just get some rest now, OK?

Your attention,
please.

There will be
a mandatory meeting

for all non-emergency
personnel

in the basement
conference room
in five minutes.

A mandatory meeting for
all non-emergency personnel

in the basement
conference room
in five minutes.

- She gonna be OK?
- Yeah.

- She's a strong kid.
- She's gonna have to be.

- She asked if you were OK.

She thinks you guys
should write a book together,

with your matching wounds.

- Why, she was stabbed
in the shoulder?

- How did she know I was, too?

- Damn it!

- You just won't die, will you?

Who are you?
Michael fucking Myers?

Yeah, I don't think so.

Fucking die already!

How are those stitches?

Sidney!

Hicks, get up to
Sidney Prescott's room

and call for backup!

Be right up, sir!

- Sid!

- Sid.
- Dewey!

- Is this how it's gonna be,
Sid?

The ending of the movie
was supposed to be at the house.

I mean, this is just silly.

- Consider this
an alternate ending.

You're never gonna
get out of this, Jill.

- Of course I will.
- Dewey!

- Sid...

Easy. OK, wait.
What about the book?

- Looks like I'll just
have to write it myself.

- Damn it!
- Oh!

- Don't even think
about shooting,

or I'll blow Dewey's head off.

You think I won't do it?
Give me your gun!

- Do it!
- You heard her!

You just had to be the hero,
huh?

- Give me your gun.
- Give it to her.

What are you, deaf?

Give me your gun!

Now, get up.

And keep your hands
over your head.

Don't do anything stupid...

- Don't fucking tell me
what to do.

- Oh, God.
- Now, get up, bitch.

- OK.
- Get up.

- Now!
- OK.

- She's not gonna help you.
Come on.

- Neither is he.
- Dewey?

- Let's go.
Get your skinny ass out here.

- OK.

- I'm gonna enjoy
blowing your head off.

- OK, but can I just...

...have one final word?

- What? "Please"?

- No.

- Clear.
- Clear?

- Clear.

You forgot the first rule
of remakes, Jill.

Don't fuck with the original.

- Oh, my God, Dewey.

- What hit me?
- Don't ask.

- You OK?

- She was standing
right behind me.

- They always are.

- Oh, God.

- Nice one.

- Hicks? You're alive?

- Wear the vest,
save your chest.

- We got two officers down.
Several injuries.

- And a new suspect.
- Sheriff?

- We need a doctor, goddamn it!

- I don't know about you,
but I feel a whole lot better.

Where the hell is
everybody?!

We're live
at Woodsboro
Community Hospital

awaiting a first
public statement

from Jill Roberts, survivor.

- ...a survivor of what is now

being called the Woodsboro
Massacre Reboot.

- Jill Roberts is her name,

a name the whole world
will now know.

- ...who single-handedly
put a stop

to this 21st century
Woodsboro killing spree.

- Jill Roberts of Woodsboro,

a girl who's lifted
all our spirits tonight.

An American hero,
right out of the movies.