Original subtitles

Are you sure?

Yes. My incredible sense of smell

tells me that's a caramel.

Oh... cherry cordial.

Really? Maybe you should get a dog.

I need help.

I don't know what to put

on Harvey's Valentine.

What do you have so far?

"Dear Harvey," but I don't like it.

I can help you with this one.

Put "you rock my world."

Guys love that.

Ooh, maple buttercream.

Yuck!

Who got chocolates?

Youdid... from dirk the mailman.

How sweet.

Yeah, but there are hardly any caramels.

Does this look like one?

Only one way to find out.

Sabrina!

Marzipan.

Okay. Now this one.

Mm-hmm.

Quit touching them.

Use a spell.

There.

That was easy.

Yeah. Takes all the mystery out of life.

Happy Valentine's day.

Watch out for cupid.

Both: One, two, three.

Wow. Yours is so big.

And yours is so cute.

"Happy val day, sab."

I thought "sab" would be a cool nickname for you.

Really?

Who am I kidding?

My Valentine started out just as big as yours

but I kept trying to make it even

and it got smaller and smaller.

But I love it. It's very symmetrical.

That's what I was going for.

I love symmetry.

Things just look nicer that way.

Like your face.

It's really symmetrical.

[ Bell rings]

The bell! We're late.

To be continued?

Yeah.

Happy val day, sab.

Well, thanks for walking me home.

Maybe I should walk you in.

Make sure you get to the living room okay.

I'd like that.

Well, here we are.

We made it.

Um, since you came this far

you want to stay and hang out?

Sounds like fun.

Okay, wait here.

I'll just go see if my aunts are around.

Salem, what are you doing?

Nothing.

You're in a chat room again

pretending to be a woman, aren't you?

I like the attention.

Well, say goodbye. Harvey's here.

You'd better start acting cattier.

Mean.

Where are my aunts?

They went to the goya exhibit at the museum.

Did you know Zelda was one of his models?

Didn't know. Don't care.

Hey.

Both: Hmm?

Got anything to eat?

I was just checking.

Wow! Great kitchen.

Yeah.

Do you like canapes?

As much as the next guy.

Well, let's go back in the living room.

Oh, I'll grab the cat.

We can make him chase the light reflected off my watch.

No! He's not allowed in the living room...

Very bad shedding problem.

Really?

It's better if he stays here

and minds his own business.

Like I don't have anything better to do than spy on her.

Wait. I don't.

Isn't Annie leibovitz cool?

She knows everybody.

Look at this one.

Whoopi goldberg in a bathtub of milk.

I wonder if they warmed it before she got in.

I'm sure. She's a star.

Whoa!

What was that?

Uh-oh. Sparks are flying.

You know, I don't want to look at this book anymore.

What do you want to do?

Kiss you?

Okay.

Meow!

Salem!

What's with your cat?!

I don't know. I'll go talk to him.

I mean, feed him.

Be right back.

You little sneak. How dare you?

I can't believe you were spying on me.

And it's a good thing I was.

You can't kiss Harvey.

Just watch me, and that's a figure of speech.

But something horrible could happen.

Didn't your aunts tell you?

The sparks were a warning.

A warning?

Of what?

You shouldn't hear it from your cat.

Just trust me.

Do not kiss Harvey.

Salem, are you being sincere?

Yes, and it pains me to do it.

Okay.

I won't kiss Harvey.

But if you're making this up, I swear you will be neutered.

Slowly.

Harvey.

Yeah?

You have to go.

There's an emergency.

What's wrong?

My cat's sick. He needs an operation.

Can I do anything?

No. We're going to use a certified vet.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Maybe we could go to a movie?

Sounds great.

Just great.

This one's going on the fridge.

How was the museum?

It's so funny.

They're selling postcards of Zelda... nude.

Well, hello.

Excuse me. It's art.

And according to that guy

in the raincoat who was staring at me... "a masterpiece."

I don't understand. Why can't I kiss Harvey?

This is what I heard:

"Rido hunti manned wicken ickus Harvey." Slow down.

I said,

why can't I kiss Harvey?

Got it that time.

Sabrina, have a seat.

We need to talk.

Nothing good ever comes of talking.

You see, when a witch kisses a mortal for the first time

the mortal turns into a frog.

A frog? Look, if you guys don't like Harvey...

No. We like him.

Otherwise, we wouldn't be warning you.

So, if I kiss Harvey, he turns into a frog.

It sounds like something out of a fairy tale.

They had to get it from somewhere.

You think they make that stuff up?

So I can never kiss Harvey?

Not without transmogrifying him.

That's not a good thing.

My life is ruined.

I hate being a witch.

Oh, no.

It's not so bad.

I went through high school without kissing.

[ Knock at door]

Can we come in?

Sure.

Can we turn on the light?

If you must.

We've been doing some research

that we think you should know about.

We checked the handbook.

Since you're half mortal

there's only a 50-50 chance

Harvey will turn into a frog.

So that's good news?

Well, there's a 50% chance that it's good news

and a 50% chance that it's bad.

It's sort of a coin toss.

Here. Flip it.

You'll see what we mean.

Okay. Heads, he stays Harvey.

Tails, he's a frog.

Tails.

Maybe two out of three.

Heads.

Tails.

Uh!

Why the "uh"?

Out of 100 tries

it came out 50 heads and 50 tails.

What are the odds of that happening?

Don't ask me.

I was an English major.

[ Doorbell ringing]

Who could that be?

I'm not expecting company.

Are you?

It's Harvey, and I look like laundry.

There.

Chic.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Don't you remember?

Yesterday I said I'd see you tomorrow.

And today's tomorrow.

Right. So, you still want to go to a movie?

Sure... wait.

They keep those theaters kind of dark, don't they?

I better go ask my aunts. Stay here.

Harvey's here, and he wants to go to the movies.

What should I do?

See shine.

Everybody's raving about it.

You know what I mean.

I see no reason why two friends

can't go to the movies.

Right. Two friends.

Just be careful.

Would it help if I gave him a bad breath spell?

No. I still have to sit next to him.

Can we crunch those numbers one more time?

I checked with m.I.T.

They're still 50-50.

Well, let me know if they change.

All right. Let's go.

Great.

I'm really looking forward to this.

Me, too, old buddy, old pal.

So... what kind of movie are you up for?

Something with a lot of random property damage.

Vindicator III just opened.

Perfect.

Let me help you with that.

They're kind of tricky.

There.

You look really pretty tonight.

Thanks! So do you! Let's go!

Now, is he the real vindicator

or the replicator?

Heads.

I'm sorry.

What'd you say?

It's not important.

Whoever he is, now he's dead.

Hey.

You look really pretty tonight.

Oh. Better get more popcorn.

Here you go.

Heads. All right.

Why do you keep flipping that coin?

Well, if it comes up heads 100 times in a row

I win a prize.

Tails.

Stupid eagle.

Hey... you know what the best part

of that movie was?

The end credits with the Lou Reed song?

No. Seeing it with you.

Thanks.

You look really pretty tonight.

Muffin?

Well, that was fun.

Best time two friends could have.

Well, nothing left to say, so good night and godspeed.

Sabrina.

Can we talk?

What about?

Has something changed between us?

What do you mean?

Well, maybe I'm reading too much into this

but yesterday I got the feeling that...

You wanted to kiss me

and today I feel like you don't.

No, Harvey. It's just...

See, I...

I can't explain.

That's all right.

You don't have to.

I mean, if that's what you want

we can just be... friends.

I think that would be the best for both of us.

All right.

I'll walk you to the door.

Man, I really wanted to kiss you.

Harvey?

Yeah?

You're still here.

I'll always be here for you.

So...

[ Croaks]

I was afraid you'd say that.

Help! Help!

Salem: What's the matter?

I turned Harvey into a frog!

Oh, no.

And you're not helping

with that music, aunt hilda!

Sorry.

I thought you were going to just be friends.

I tried, but I failed, and now

we're not even the same species.

Well, first things first.

Let's keep him moist.

[ Croaking]

And secondly, there's still hope.

Right... the true love clause.

What's that?

There's a take test you can take to determine if it's true love.

And if it is, Harvey will change back into a person.

And if it isn't?

You'll be changed into a frog.

Aren't those stakes kind of high?

I mean, Harvey's super cute, and I really really like him

but how am I supposed to know if it's true love?

Well, do you think about him when he's not around?

Yeah.

Does your heart beat faster

when you see him walking down the hall?

Yeah.

Does it bother you when he chews gum?

No.

Then it might be

true love.

I'm taking the test.

Is it multiple choice?

Where are we?

Hilda: The national institute of love.

Normally, it's very clinical

but they go all out for Valentine's day.

Wow, they really take

their color scheme seriously.

I'll sign you in.

Drell should be here any minute.

Drell gives the test?

Yeah. That's kind of strange...

Us seeing each other today.

It's the 94th anniversary

of our 32nd breakup.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Shh. Here he comes.

Hello, ladies...

And hilda.

Drell.

So Sabrina, you're here

to take the test of true love, huh?

Yes, I am.

The test is in three parts...

Each one more horrifying than the last.

Are you scared?

A little.

Smart.

Now we have a standard release form here.

The council is, of course

not responsible for loss

of, uh, hair, dignity or personal items.

Just sign right here.

If you want collision, initial the box.

Don't fall for that. It's a rip-off.

[ Woman screaming]

What was that?

You just signed your life away.

So, you all set?

Yeah, where do I start?

Start at door number one.

Good luck.

Follow your heart.

Don't let Harvey dry out.

Come on!

Please welcome Sabrina spellman.

[ Game show music plays]

Uh, what is this?

Part one of your test.

It's the true love game.

[ Applause]

Here, sit down.

Would you like to meet your three harveys?

Harveys?

I likethis game.

Gentlemen, let's give

your best hellos to Sabrina.

H-Hey, Sabrina.

Hey! Sabrina.

Hey, Sabrina.

Hi, harveys.

How well do you know

the person you think you're in love with?

Let's find out, and here are the questions.

All right. Um, this question is for Harvey number two.

"If I were a Princess trapped in a tower

how would you rescue me?"

Well, the thought of you makes me walk on air

so I'd float right up and whisk you away.

That's sweet.

And Harvey number one, what would you do?

Blow up the tower.

Okay.

Um, this question's for Harvey number three.

"Describe Harvey number one's best and worst feature."

Well, he has really nice sideburns.

Thanks, man. You, too.

What about me?

They're okay.

Come on, guys, let's just go on, please.

This question is for all of you.

"What's your favorite kind of triangle?"

These questions don't tell me tell anything.

Nobody said the test would be easy.

Harvey number one, your triangle?

Obtuse.

And why?

I don't know.

Harvey number two?

Scalene, definitely, scalene.

And Harvey number three, what's your favorite kind of triangle?

Equilateral.

I like that it's symmetrical.

That's him!

That's my Harvey! Harvey number three!

That's right, Sabrina

and you've passed part one.

Whoo-hoo!

I passed!

Congratulations.

Way to go.

Well, you passed the test of friendship.

True love can't exist without friendship.

They make me say that.

I'm pumped.

What's next?

Uh, door number two.

Wish me luck, Harvey.

[ Croaks]

Oh, even as a frog, he's cute.

Come on, Harvey, let's go check the trellis

for bugs.

So what's new in the life

of the most powerful man in the universe?

I finally moved out of my parents' basement.

Really?

Yeah. You were right.

I should have done it centuries ago.

I told you.

So you got your own place.

Yeah.

I'd love to come see it sometime.

That'd be great...

Especially if you brought some furniture.

[ Both chuckling]

Hello?

Anybody?

Is this a test for Patience?

Hey.

Hi.

Uh, is anyone sitting here?

No. Go ahead.

Great. I'm zak.

So are you here to take the test?

Yeah.

I wish they'd hurry.

It could be a while.

So you should just relax.

[ Groaning]

Sun feels good, huh?

Yeah. It's cool to lay by the pool in the middle of February.

Yeah. You know, those sunglasses are great on you.

You look like

a blond Audrey hepburn.

I loveaudrey hepburn.

Which one of her movies is your favorite?

Well, I'd have to say Sabrina.

I just love the name.

You're kidding. That's my name.

Wow.

So, Sabrina, are you hungry?

I hadn't thought about it, but I guess

maybe a little.

How about a piece of delicious chocolate cake?

Wow. That looks amazing.

Oh, it is.

Here. Have a little bite.

I don't know, I had a pretty big muffin earlier.

Come on, one little taste couldn't hurt.

That's true.

You look really pretty tonight.

Wait. You're trying to make me forget about Harvey, aren't you?

Harvey? Who's Harvey?

You're a sly one, but I can't eat cake

when Harvey's in trouble.

Yes, you can.

No, I can't.

Eat it.

No.

[ Applause]

That was the test. You passed.

I did? Whoo-hoo!

How about one bite to celebrate?

What do you take me for?

I passed

and I got some color on my cheeks.

Nicely done. You passed the test of fidelity.

You resisted temptation...

Something that tests every relationship.

Zelda, do you mind? This is my gig.

Sorry.

One more door and we're out of here.

Not so fast! The next test is really dangerous.

Our insurance carrier requires that you read this pamphlet.

"So you're going to be a frog"?

I'll go over it with you, honey.

Whatcha thinking?

You're asking me?

Yeah.

Can't a guy

ask a girl what she's thinking?

I was just wondering, do you think

our old flame is still burning?

There's one way to find out.

You still have it?

Yeah.

No one bought it at the garage sale.

It's over here.

You open it.

I'm afraid to look.

[ Gasps] Yes.

The old flame is still burning.

After all these years.

You could warm soup over it.

Maybe what we had wasspecial.

I'm going to take the test of true love.

For me?

For us.

I'll be waiting.

Maybe this could be the beginning

of something wonderful.

Drell...

You rock my world.

I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Say hello to hilda spellman.

Groovy.

Uh, guys, give your best hello to hilda.

Hi, hilda.

Hilda, baby.

Yo, hilda.

Hi, drell. I think I already know.

That's not how we play.

Sorry.

Drell number two:

"If you were a condiment, what would you be?"

Stupid question.

Catsup. Catsup. Say, "catsup."

Mustard, so I could spice up your life.

That's him.

That's my drell.

Incorrect. Game's over.

Number three?

No.

Number one?

I said it's over.

No, it's not.

Security!

What? No canned applause?

Sorry.

I finished the pamphlet.

So, you decided what kind of frog do you want to be?

Yeah, I selected the flying tree frog.

Excellent choice.

Then it's time for the last test.

This one isn't easy like the others.

Good luck, and don't be nervous.

I'm not nervous.

I mean, I know it's true love

so therefore I have no reason to be nervous.

Push.

Don't pull.

Push.

Hello?

Is anybody here?

Sabrina?

Harvey, where are you?

I'm not sure.

It's dark in here.

See if you can find a light switch.

Wait. Here's one.

I don't like this.

What's going on?

It's a test of faith.

You have to get to me.

Does the safe road come in anywhere near you?

No. I think it dead-ends in the suburbs.

Then there's only one way.

Scared.

Hot.

Really scared.

Reallyhot.

[ Screaming]

Turn back! It's not worth it!

Yes, it is!

I can do this.

I made it.

Oh, Harvey.

All that for a hologram?

I did it!

I passed!

It istrue love.

Oh, Sabrina, that's wonderful.

I have to admit, I had my doubts, but now

I can shout it to the world...

I have a true love!

Don't rub it in.

Take your frog and go.

I passed. Why is Harvey still a frog?

There's one final detail, to change him back

you have to return to the scene of the kiss

and kiss him again.

I have to kiss a frog?

That is so gross.

Teenagers...

They'll jump through flames

but ask them to kiss a frog...

Would you go?

Come on.

Wait, where's aunt hilda?

Shh. Don't ask.

Mmm, zak, this pecan pie is fabulous.

Mmm, it's even better than the cheesecake.

Is that meringue?

Mmm...

Your lips are all slimy.

It worked.

That was great.

I know.

That's why I've been trying to kiss you all night.

Could we try it again?

I think I might enjoy it more this time.

Me, too. I have to admit I was pretty nervous.

Aren't they cute?

Salem: Yeah.

I'm glad she passed

but I can't believe you let her take that risk.

There was no risk.

I knew she'd pass.

You did?

At 16, it's always true love.

Why didn't you tell her?

Because now she thinks it's extra special.

[ Fireworks exploding]

Hi, sab.

Harvey.

I just found out I don't have basketball practice.

So if you want, I can give you a ride home.

And miss getting stuff thrown at me on the bus? Okay.

Great. Then, I'll meet you here at 3:30?

Great.

See ya.

Harvey?

Yeah?

It's kind of too bad you don'thave

basketball practice today.