Original subtitles

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New? Intern?

Chin up.

Thanks.

Move it! There's a baby on the way!

The last person you meet before delivery influences the baby's personality.

Lucky you: I'm outgoing, cheerful, I love people, I see lots of 'em.

Look at that wacko! What a jungle!

Careful. Careful.

Fuck you.

Your husband seems tense, want me to assist?

- No, thanks. - A Beetle!

Know how many I've seen this week?

House keys?

Got them.

- Fuck off. - You fuck off.

- Who is it? - Moretti. - Third floor.

GROUP THERAPY

Fifteen, 16...

...34, 35, 36...

...40, 41, 42, 43...

...68 and 69...

He got an A in English and a B+ in Math.

I said: "So you're not stupid, you just didn't study!"

Tiziana, gotta go, I have to work now.

- Hello. - Hello. - Emilio Moretti.

- Nice place. - You're here for doctor...

Silly me! Only Dr. Stern is in today.

Stern, yes.

I'm still out of breath.

I keep telling myself to go to the gym, but who's got the time?

- Indeed... - Three flights of stairs...

Twenty-three steps per flight, for a total of 73 stairs.

You're sure that's right?

I am sure.

Well, Aurora Lepri counted 69 stairs.

- Oscar Zazzeroni 67... - Sixty-nine, 67...

No way! Want me to count them again?

- No, I was just saying. - I'll recount.

Do it after.

Off to a good start.

Two, three, four, five...

Twenty-four, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30...

...43, 44, 45, 46...

Sixty-nine. I was right.

Well?

I was right: 69 plus four steps in the entryway equals 73.

- Give me that note. - We'll jot it down.

Aurora Lepri forgot to count the entryway,

Zazzeroni forgot the landings. What amateurs.

But...

- The waiting room's over there. - Thanks.

Hello. I was right, 73.

Considering the height variation...

A stair is about 15-20 centimeters, 17 on average...

times 73 equals 1,241 centimeters,

so 12.41 meters in less than 38 seconds, not bad!

Shitface!

- How dare you! - I didn't say anything.

- Yes, you did! - But I didn't say it to say it.

There are things we say to say,

and things we say just because,

and things we say not to say.

- I have Tourette syndrome. - Oh.

- Random swearing? - Tics and words that just come out.

Sorry for laughing.

- So you're here for the Big-Doc too? - Yes.

- A three-month wait. - Me too.

- Ninety days. - That's three months.

2,160 hours.

Still three months.

129,600 minutes.

Sounds like a lot, but it's three months.

- 7,776,000 seconds. - Impressive!

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

My fiancée sent me here.

- Actually, my ex. - I am sorry.

- She said hearing me count all day was hell. - Can't blame her.

For me it's a pastime.

- You're good at it. - Thanks.

You count as fast as... my ass!

- I'm sorry! - You don't need to keep apologizing.

I was going to punch you before, but I get it now.

- I'm Emilio, by the way. - Federico.

Same to you.

- Married? - Yes.

I have a daughter too, imagine that. You?

No, no kids. I have two nephews.

Too busy counting to have kids.

One day, you too will find the right... slut!

- Morning. - Morning.

- What did you say? - Morning.

- To who? - You!

Morning.

It slipped out.

I had a nasty cold and a relapse would be devastating.

I had a bad case of tonsillitis for a month and a half...

Must be a flare-up.

Could be contagious... Can I help you?

- No! No, thank you. - Thank you.

I caught it too. Must be going around.

I'll go wait somewhere else.

No, mine's here.

Yeah.

What a bizarre fixation!

They say being obsessed with cleanliness is part of OCD, D, D...

- OCDDD? - D, D, Dat's right.

- What? - An acronym.

- An acronym? - Obsessive compulsive disorder.

Oh, the initials: OCD.

She really is in bad shape.

Just her?

They once told me that I had something like... arithmophobia.

- More like mania. - Yes, arithmomania.

- So I'm a maniac? - Not in that sense.

- I flash people and touch asses. - You said it, not me.

It'll be a long day.

Your destination is on the right.

You have reached your destination.

PSYCHOLOGISTS OFFICE

Did I lock the car?

No service!

Geez.

Oh my God, sorry! I hit you?

- Are you hurt? - I'm fine.

- So sorry. - My phone fell.

- God, did I break it? - Hope not, that phone's my life.

I'll buy you a new one. Wait here. I think I forgot to lock my car.

Yours, yours?

Yes, thanks. It fell.

It works, works.

What? Hem, yes.

- There's service. - I'm wearing undies, luckily. Luckily.

Service.

You're always in the way. Sorry. Idiot...

My boss! Hello? Yes, yes...

It's no bother.

- Hello. - Hello.

- I'm De Santis. - Okay. - I'm here to see Dr. Stern.

- Am I late? - No, you're on time.

- Have a seat in the waiting room. - For Dr. Stern, Dr. Stern?

Yes, you can sit in the waiting room too.

But there are other people. Did I mess up the appointment?

No, not at all. Your name's here.

- What's she doing? - This place is...

- Interesting. - Yes.

Ok.

- Morning. - Hello.

- Hot pussy! - What?

- How dare you, how rude! - Relax, he didn't do it on purpose.

So I wasn't mistaken before, you said a bad word to me too!

- No. - Are you a pervy ventriloquist?

- I'm really sorry. - Don't apologize, Federico.

- He offended us. - Both.

My wife and daughter also get upset in stereo.

This isn't a dentist's office, it's a head shrink's!

There are sick people here. Can I say "sick"?

- I sure can. He has Tourette's. - Oh.

Now you say "Oh"!

Now you say "Oh! Oh!"

- How many of us are there? - So many. - Too many.

I'll be quick, I was called in for a legal consultation.

The doctor called me. I have a 2:00 appointment, so I'm sure it's my turn now.

- The doctor called you? - Indeed.

- So you're friends? - Not friends...

- I have a 2:00 appointment too. - Me too.

Me too, too.

- And you? - Same.

- Excuse me. - Pussy...

Excuse me.

Why are we booked at the same time? Could you check the computer?

- Yes. - Those people in there are odd. Are they dangerous?

No. But they're odd.

- Trying to cut ahead? - No, because I'm not a patient.

Really? I have a good nose for people.

- She's a friend of the doctor. - Friend, my foot.

Enough.

- You're all booked at 2:00. - You just noticed?

There was no mention of group therapy.

We'll end up touching each other...

- Restroom? - To the right. - Right.

- See what he does? - I see.

Must be a bug with the new software.

I told the doctor that the old paper planner was best.

I'll give them an earful, this is nuts.

Armando! That super software you pushed on us put all the appointments at 2:00.

- Tell Armando we're sick people... - Clearly.

- And what kind of name is Armando? - Why?

- He sticks "Arms" up his ass. - Sure... Ignore him.

What refresher course?! It should be easy.

How about you get to work on it now and don't go home till it's fixed!

Can I speak to him? I have some words for Armando.

- I'm sure, but no. - Oh God!

The buzzer's to the right of the desk.

So now we're secretaries too? Are you buzzer-phobic?

- Left or right? - Right, right.

Don't talk like that to me!

- Right. - Here it is.

It's open.

It was on the left.

Hello, I have an appointment with Dr. Stern.

- He already left? - He hasn't arrived yet.

- I booked with the app. - Who gives a fuck.

- You swore! - I'm the first.

- You mean the last. - Exactly, you just arrived.

Anyway, are you okay? Your phone?

- Everything's fine. - Everything's fine, fine.

Everything's fine, fine.

I just washed my hands so could you please...

- Things are getting complicated. - Very.

It's like a family lunch where we tell each other to...

Go to hell, Armando.

- Did Armando fix it? - No, I did.

I'll inform the doctor and he'll decide who to see first.

- Brilliant idea. - Based on what criteria?

Will he look at us? Draw lots? I know how it'll end up.

He'll let her go in first because they're special friends.

Hi, I'm Otto Marciani.

- Otto, Otto like the number 8! - Eight times 8, 64.

A palindrome, a palindrome.

I have work calls to take, I'm doing a trial period,

so if you don't mind, I'll go in first.

Let's get one thing clear, we're not doing group therapy, right?

- No. - Dunno.

Six people all crowded into a room, it's dangerous, who knows what could happen.

- When is he coming? - Yes, would you please tell us.

He hasn't responded.

His flight was late so I don't know if he's still on board or in a taxi.

- Then call him. - Yes, that's what I was doing.

- The number you've called... - His phone's off.

I can't believe it, damn him, where is he?

- Goodness. - Never been to France, you know.

- Incredible. - Thanks. - Would you sit in the waiting room?

It's a waiting room, you have to wait, so be patient.

- You're patients! - She's a patient!

I have nothing to do with them.

Well, the waiting room is still over there.

Waiting room...

No!

Is there Wi-Fi?

It's the only thing working today.

Password?

Please, it's urgent.

For emails, like I said, I'm doing a trial period and don't want to miss out.

Actually...

I never give out my password to strangers.

Thanks.

- Got it, thanks. - You're welcome.

Wow, how pretty!

- How'll the doctor see us all? - Someone will have to leave.

- Who? - Whoever is in better shape.

I'm not in good shape, I'm in bad shape.

Very bad.

- I'm in really bad shape. - Is that so?

- Really bad, really bad. - She agrees.

I'm not exactly...

- I'm fine, the doctor called me... - Yeah, sure.

- We know. - For a legal consultation.

Is that what they call it now? I had a "legal consultation" last night.

But what if I leave and then you all solve your issues...

- No, I need to solve them today. - Same for me, for me.

- I'll stay right here, even till tomorrow. - I'm stuck with them till tomorrow?!

352 books, sofas, rugs...

Five balls...

There's nothing left to count.

- You okay? - Oh! I'm okay.

Such lovely plants out here.

- So we know that Dr. Stern likes plants. - Yes.

Since you're so close, what else do you know about Dr. Stern?

I know he's a serious person. I hope he's competent too, because you all need help.

- I hope so too, for us. - Yes.

- You were looking down... - Down?

That guy double parked, how'll I get out? He's a real a piece of...

- Huh? - He's inconsiderate.

Inconsiderate.

I wish I used swears like yours. Shitface!

- Excuse me. - Who is it?

My mother.

Hello? Mom?

I called you ten times, why didn't you answer?

Okay. Did you take your pills?

In the first drawer, you know.

Mom!

She hung up.

Seniors are like babies, you have to look after them.

Relax, I won't tell the others.

- About what? - That you're a control freak.

- "Mom, do this and that..." - I don't care what you think.

- What's he doing? - Who?

Oh, jogging.

Oh God, what happened? Is it a stroke?

Is it something I said? Are you okay?

- My eyelids get stuck sometimes. - God, want me to help?

- Please do. - I'll try.

They've got rhythm.

What's with him? He's burnt out with that phone.

I see people like that in my taxi: glued to the screen, sad, alone...

On average 420 a year, 35 a month.

I prefer phone junkies to people with dogs that piss in my taxi,

or drunk people who puke in my taxi.

- Sorry, I need some air. - I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to gross you out. We were becoming friends.

You come into contact with too many people for my taste.

The taxi, people, animals, suitcases, microbes...

So dramatic!

- Hold on. - No, I'll do it myself.

Don't pull it.

- May I? - No, get away.

- Take your jacket off. - Don't touch me!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

Sorry, my ass!

- What the hell? - Sorry, but you were too close.

And with those eyes...

His eyelids get stuck sometimes, must've been something I said.

- Are you okay? - I'm all right.

Don't hit yourself.

- You're filming? - For my boss.

What have I done!?

Step away from the patient, he needs some air.

- How are you? - Better.

Luckily, I took the first aid occupational safety course.

- Two drops. - No need, thanks.

- They'll help. - No, it wasn't mace.

- How many fingers? - Four. - Four, four. - Eight?

- Or Otto, Otto. - Huh?

- A few drops, just in case. - I said no!

They taught us that drops are important. It was a basic course but very interesting.

They talked about the health-work relationship throughout history.

- Even Hippocrates... - What's Hippocrates got to do with it?

Nothing. I'll go.

Yes.

Okay, he's better, he's better.

Sorry for making you all uncomfortable.

It started when I was 11, so you can imagine the life I had.

To boot, I have "2Plus" Tourette's, which isn't an upgrade,

it means I have uncontrollable impulses and endless tics.

But some people are worse off, they have to touch the floor

and keep doing it until they're satisfied.

- Others touch everyone and everything. - Not me!

Doctors say there's no cure.

If you start young enough it can be managed.

- Not me, I got shafted up the... - Not again!

Try phrasing things in a way that won't end up like that.

But this time it was justified.

It's not fun, you know.

It's humiliating, tiring, agonizing.

I work as an archivist at city hall, it's a good job.

I have a huge, soundproofed office, all to myself.

I've always wanted to open a restaurant, but dealing with clients...

Slutty Brownies would be your best-selling dish!

I would've come to your place.

Know what the problem is nowadays? People are too touchy.

Know how many clients I've lost?

One hundred and fifty-nine in 31 months.

An average of 5.1 clients a month.

- None of us have a talent like that. - He surely doesn't.

What?

Hope Dr. Stern feels the same way.

That'd be cool. I could tell Stefania: "Honey, I'm not crazy, I'm a genius!"

In fact, the first thing I thought when I saw you was: "He's a genius!"

When Billie Eilish sings, she doesn't have Tourette's.

When Billie Eilish sings, she doesn't have Tourette's.

I heard you.

In fact, by singing and holding your breath, you avoid problems.

You know, if I take a deep breath...

I seem like a normal person, I don't curse, I don't have tics,

but I can't be interrupted because as soon as I finish breathing...

Shitface!

In group therapy everyone looks at me like that or they laugh.

A month ago, I did something like that at work and nobody laughed so...

- Odd. - There's a difference, we're all sick here.

Yes, we're all sick.

- Yes, we're all sick. - Apart from me.

- Right, you're the only sane one. - Yes.

Let's get acquainted, so it'll be easier when the doctor shows up.

Good idea.

We could have a roundtable, a sort of staff meeting.

How so?

He asked you a question.

Otto! Oh!

Otto? He's stuck.

- Hey. - Huh? - They're talking to you.

- Staff meeting, staff meeting. - Did you already start?

- No. - No. I wanted to go first.

Can I?

My name is Otto, I'm 24 and I'm on a trial period for a company.

We handle home-banking for large banks and I'm always online.

All of us have to be online, all the time, 24/7.

Our world doesn't wait for anyone.

We're all fired up!

- Hi, Otto. - My roommate.

Hold on. One second.

It's urgent.

She walked out.

Just like that?

I wasn't eavesdropping, I just came to ask if you needed anything...

Nothing? Okay.

- Call me. - Sure.

If you go out again tomorrow, lemme know!

You rule, Otto! You rule!

That roommate of yours...

Shall I go?

I'll go.

I know what you're thinking.

But know how many jobs like mine get taken over by AI on a daily basis?

What is it that keeps you connected to that cell phone?

It's called FOMO.

I'm afraid of being left out, of missing out on something major.

You sure missed out on something the other night!

Why would you say that? Can't you see how upset he is?

If you're not one of us, why butt in?

Because I can't help but defend people.

- Thanks, you're kind. - You're welcome.

The longest relationship I've had lasted three days so...

They just don't understand,

it really does upset me, it hurts me.

See?

- Tell us something about you now. - Me?

What's your name? You still haven't told us.

Anna Maria. But pretend I never told you.

Anna Maria? All right, Anna Maria, tell us what's wrong with you.

- We taxi drivers tend to be confessors. - And gossips.

- I'm not here to talk about my stuff. - But you talk about others'.

Leave her alone, she's the only sane person. Right?

- There's a tow truck! - Where?!

My bad, it's just a garbage truck.

Keep at it.

- I'm transparent, mute, all right? - I wish.

Sorry, but maybe it's because of your job.

- My job? - Yes.

No. I love my job. Plus, my boss trusts me and gives me duties.

And the pay is decent too.

As for the girl: one day you'll meet the right one too.

You'll know.

For example, when I met my wife for the first time,

I knew she was the right one because I felt something inside,

like when... a sort of... you know...

- And I won her over. - Thanks.

I can't take this anymore!

I booked you an appointment with Dr. Stern, go if you want to.

Okay, I'll go, I'll go! You told me... 47 times.

- Take my keys. - No.

You stomped on them ten times.

Now you're free to count your keys, lighters, marbles, cars...

I've already counted those.

Then count how many times I slam the door in your face.

Easy... one.

So wait, we're not getting married anymore?

We can't break up after...

624 orgasms!

Yours!

624 orgasms...

how many sperm cells...

Forty-nine billion,

920 million sperm cells!

So I'm not the only one who lost something?

- I sympathize with your ex. - In fact...

Sorry, but a house full of trinkets, dust and germs is...

It's a miracle she lasted that long.

Truth is, people who think they're normal can't understand us.

Normal? They're the weird ones.

People are a mess, they rush into the street 'cause there's a crosswalk

and then they walk slowly as if to challenge me.

- Puh-leeze! Puh-leeze! - Puh-leeze?

Puh-leeze! Puh-leeze!

What are you doing?

Harmonizing. Does it bother you?

- Harmonizing. Does it bother you? - And I'm disinfecting.

Disinfecting.

- Are they all like this? - You bet.

I'm tidy and symmetrical, that's why I repeat things twice.

That's why I repeat things twice.

I like tidiness and things being repeated twice.

I watch some movies twice so I don't miss out on the good parts.

- So you do like something apart from work? - Yes, as of today he does.

Tic-teek-tag!

He's good, good, he's coordinated, coordinated.

My wife and I even took tango lessons.

It was all great, till we got to the dip.

She had a cast for 28 days.

My father taught dance,

he made everyone dance.

You should take it up again, you're good.

My father taught dance, he made everyone dance.

How, without a partner?

- Your wife wants to leave you too? - Unless Dr. Stern helps me...

Then let's leave it to Dr. Stern and just wait.

- And be quiet. - You start.

My name is Bianca and I'm a lab technician.

A chemist.

This issue started about three years ago,

after I did...

something else.

What?

Jesus! First you said "Leave it to Dr. Stern" and now you're talking?

- You hate me because I'm sane. - No, I just hate you.

- Emilio, cool it. - Sorry.

Let's support Bianca.

- "Petite putain!" - Nice...

It's nothing personal.

I made a video...

with my ex-boyfriend, who's a co-worker.

- Bianca! - Ehi. - You're looking great.

I know.

Hi. Hey! Sorry.

Hey.

You're done with Matteo?

Yes. It worked for a bit...

- We saw how it worked. - Another, please.

- Huh? - We saw how it worked.

Yes. From...

- The video. - What video? Thank you.

That video...

The video, of the two of you.

Your video.

Our video? My video?

- Yes. - What video? - You know...

That video is online?

Why didn't you fucking tell me?

Bianca, at first we weren't even sure it was you.

Yeah. From behind...

I didn't really see the video... But you came off good.

- Think I care how I came off? - Well...

You know what I meant.

- Poor thing, poor thing. - No! Asshole, asshole!

Asshole, asshole! Asshole, asshole!

It was something we did together,

it was private.

Ever since then, I can't help but feel...

I feel dirty and...

I feel everyone's piercing stares. Sorry.

No, it's not your fault.

Of course it's not your fault.

I should smash his face. Then she would feel better.

That's the first smart thing I've heard you say.

Want a kiss too? I'm single.

Don't push it.

Tic-teek-tag!

First room on the right.

You okay?

Not really.

- Can I help you? - I went crazy.

God. I'm sorry.

- Sorry. - Why are you in here?

To help take the edge off.

You have post-traumatic stress disorder, which is better.

- Better? - Meaning you can get over yours.

- I can't. - Excuse me. - Mine's not PTSD.

May I?

- We'll see what Dr. Stern says about that. - I know, even without seeing the...

- What? - Nothing. - Seeing what? - Nothing.

Is the video still online?

Sorry... There's something...

Need this?

- Everything okay? I heard some... - Yes, thanks.

May I?

May I?

I'm Liliana.

Everyone calls me Lilly.

I'm 23 and I work in a gym.

And since I repeat exercises twice, my classes are booked solid.

I'm Liliana, everyone calls me Lilly. I'm 23 and I work in a gym.

And since I repeat exercises twice, my classes are booked solid.

This started after my father died.

This started after my father died.

There's something in my head

that makes me repeat.

There's something in my head that makes me repeat.

- You always do it? - Not always, always.

- Sure? - Not always, always.

- Sure, sure? - Repeating is the apotheosis of symmetry.

Repeating is the apotheosis of symmetry. Don't step on the lines, on the lines.

It must not be easy.

No, no, it's very difficult. No, no, it's very difficult.

Not many people around me understand.

You know how that is.

Not many people around me understand. You know how that is.

But I try to make new friends.

But I try to make new friends.

Go down slowly. Reach for your feet.

Hi, Lilly!

- Lilly, beer? - Sure, sure.

Coming.

Monia and I are looking into this metabolic walking workshop.

It'll take place outdoors, at the beach.

- Want to come? - Sure, sure. Let's, let's.

Sorry. I can never find things in here.

Hello?

Sorry, it's my brother. I have to take it.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I can't stand clutter, I can't stand clutter.

So messy, so messy, it gives me anxiety, anxiety.

How about you?

How about you?

Maybe we should take some time to think about that workshop.

Everyone avoids me.

I feel a bit alone.

Everyone avoids me, I feel a bit alone.

- I feel alone too. - I feel alone too.

- Me too. - Me too... fuck!

Everyone apart from you, your life is full of parties, dinners...

You really are unpleasant. And there's no cure for that!

Well, you really are touchy, and there's no cure for that!

Tic-teek-tag!

You know, Lilly, in my head there's also another me

who forces me to do what you see.

Yeah, at times I really want to hurt someone.

I have dreams, I fantasize, about my boss who keeps repeating

that if I don't work hard enough I won't pass the trial period.

But then his mouth gets sewn up like in "The Matrix".

You know?

- Go away! - I agree with your boss.

I also have doubts that you'll pass the trial period.

- Thinking about hurting someone and doing it are different? - Yes, yes.

- It would make me feel guilty. - Yes, yes.

- Feel guilty and feel crazy. - Yes, yes.

- You like Otto? - Yes, yes.

No, no!

Don't tease me. Don't tease me.

Sorry, it was a dumb joke. Sorry, it was a dumb joke.

Oh God, it's contagious.

I read something Dr. Stern wrote:

life is 10% what happens and 90% how we react.

- I react poorly. - Me too.

I thought coming here would relax me. If I think it, it'll happen.

Then I worried it wouldn't happen, and I'd just be wasting my time.

- So anxious, so anxious. - This anxiety will last forever.

If it lasts forever, I'll lose control, but feeling anxious is dumb.

Feeling anxious is dumb, dumb.

Am I the only one hearing a phone?

- No, no, no. - It's real.

Why isn't anyone answering?

Miss? Miss?

- Hello? - Is it the doctor? - No, it's Tiziana.

Excuse me. Tiziana, news?

- You're paid to talk to friends? - Talk later, bye.

Instead of wasting time, why not call the airline?

- That's why I called Tiziana. - Why Tiziana?

- She's a flight attendant. - Flight attendant?

Yes, a very good flight attendant and a very good friend.

- Is that so? - Yes, she's sensitive.

She was a real help when I became a widow.

My husband Giorgio passed unexpectedly last year.

My two kids, Arturo and Paoletto.

- They passed too? - No, don't be dramatic.

- Dramatic? - It was night...

Oops.

Around 10:00 PM.

We'd just finished eating chickpea soup.

I messed it up, added too much salt.

Giorgio said he didn't feel well.

I said: "Giorgio, Giorgio, what's wrong? You didn't like the soup?"

It wasn't the soup.

So I gave him CPR because, like I mentioned,

I took that first aid occupational safety course.

And that's how I got this job.

Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all of this.

- Indeed... - Yeah, why?

- You already have your own major problems. - Major...

Never mind mine.

- I sensed it, from your empathetic eyes. - Thanks.

Those who've suffered in life can better understand others.

That's why I wanted this job. To be in contact with people.

You know, the year before tragedy struck my husband,

on a spring day, my aunt Ornella...

Enough! You're a pain in the ass, got it? Call Dr. Stern! Where the hell is he?

- Sorry. - Geez!

All I can tell you is that the plane just took off from Prague.

- Prague?! - Prague?!

- And I believe the doctor is on board. - You "believe"?

- You're not even sure he's on board? - No.

Can you tell this great luminary Dr. Stern that he's a quack, a buffoon!

Don't take it out on her. Poor thing, come on.

I'll wait. I want to see what he says and if I don't like it...

I'll wait too and when he shows up...

- Not sure what that is, but I'll gladly watch. - It'll be brutal.

I'm leaving. What kind of person schedules an appointment and doesn't show up?

No, no, please. Miss, don't go.

- The plane took off. - Sure.

It won't be long.

Just be patient, I'm sure he'll be here soon.

Planes are fast nowadays.

Okay?

- Goodbye. - No, stay.

- Don't leave. - No, no.

You can go.

No, but...

What's going on? You're all up and leaving?

- It'll take ages to get another appointment. - Who wants one!?

Yeah, sure, you'll be calling soon enough and begging for an appointment...

I'll never seen you again but you should report that louse.

I didn't exactly tell you everything that was in the video.

Can't be that bad...

Dear God... Anyway, that's beside the point.

You're the victim. Anything goes in the bedroom, but it should stay there.

He committed a crime.

I hoped everyone would forget, but I can't seem to forget.

What a pity. There was a nice vibe.

We could've done that thing you mentioned about group therapy.

- But not without the girls. - Without the girls...

If I were your age, I'd go follow her.

- Who? - That cute girl who avoids lines.

You think outbursts won my wife over?

- Vado! - It was tic-teek-tag. - Huh?

Outbursts attract, and tic-teek-tag sparks love.

- So it's not my fault? - No, he's the one who should feel guilty.

He doesn't feel guilty at all.

That's unbelievable. How can he show his face at work?

He just comes to work and shows his normal face.

- Everyone treats him normally. - And nobody defended you.

Typical.

- Everything okay, okay? - Yes.

Hold on.

Who says we need Dr. Stern? There's a way to save this day.

But we need you.

Otto, you're a good kid but I came here to see the doctor.

Thanks.

PROF. F. STERN OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (OCD)

- You can sit in here. - You won't tell the doctor?

No, I won't say a word to him.

In any case, don't do any weird stuff or cause trouble.

So, Otto... we're supposed to do an exercise all together?

Yes, it's easy. We take turns facing our issues in front of the group.

For three minutes, the group focuses on one person.

The group is like the doctor. The group is like the doctor.

- Exactly. - Even with the best of intentions...

How can we solve long-lasting issues in three minutes?

True. But at the very worst, we didn't waste much time.

Six of us, 18 minutes total.

- You made a mistake. - Why?

15 minutes, there are five of us.

That's why I wasn't hearing that annoying echo.

I paid parking for the whole day,

I may as well stay.

- I bet you missed me. - Please.

- Welcome back. - We're doing an exercise.

Okay: for three minutes no insults or vulgar gestures.

Me? I'm first? That's hard.

- Who'll keep the time? - Who else?

Do it.

Five, four, three two, one... go!

- Shitface! - Off to a good start.

When I'm stressed out, it gets worse, I say...

- Tic-teek-tag! Shithead! - Much better...

Enough with the bad vibes.

Come here, sit here in front of me. Give it to me, look at me.

Say whatever comes to mind, any adjective. Describe me.

- I have some suggestions. - Tell her to shut up.

He's right. It's harder to swear while looking at him.

You are...

mathematical.

Nice... long-winded...

taxi driver...

a jackas... jack of all trades.

- Good! - Good, good.

Booger, turkey, poop-head.

But he's starting to tone down the swears.

- Dickhead. - No.

Tissues. In case there are any emotional breakdowns.

They could come in handy.

- It seems to be going well. Nobody is... - Yes.

- Time left? - 1.10 minutes.

- Tell us what your typical day's like. - Without swearing? Obviously.

I wake up in the morning, I get out of bed,

I drink coffee with no sugar and...

- I shit myself. - Coffee does that!

- Good one. - Then I have breakfast with...

- Cookies? - No! - Jam?

Omelette?

- Toast? - No! - Crêpe, crêpe?

- Cuba libre? - "Hijo de puta!" Up yours!

And I've never been to Spain.

- Time? - Done.

This means orange juice.

- Right. - Downwards.

I shouldn't have gone first, I'm a morale-killer.

When I talk, I embarrass people who are with me,

like my wife and daughter.

- It's all right. - What did you say?

It's all right.

Even if only one of us succeeds, it gives us all hope.

You can say that again!

Even if only one of us manages, it gives us all hope.

Yes, Lilly, that's the spirit!

- My turn. - Here goes.

- I'll try not to count. - Go!

- I won't count. - Do it.

Tell us about your fiancée.

- Ex. - Right, ex...

She has a name. Stefania.

Stefania is...

sweet...

cheerful, romantic...

Thirty...

Thirty-nine is her age.

To be exact, 468 months and 12 days, for a total of...

- 14,200... - Forget Stefania, rewind.

- Why should I rewind? - To a time when you didn't count.

If you go back to that time, you can stop counting now too.

- Try. - Yeah. - Hey...

- Are you experimenting on me? - No!

Calm down, don't get worked up.

Telling me to calm down makes me more worked up.

That's who you remind me of. My teacher Miss Massafra!

- Me? - Yes.

You must've been a problem child.

No, I wasn't a problem child, I was like this.

She said I was an idiot, high-strung, and overly exuberant.

"Calm yourself by counting", she said.

So I'd count and count, and now I'm not supposed to count?!

Maybe it's best you count. Just count, Emilio.

- Count, count. - Count.

Count. Three minutes and four seconds. Time's up.

Goodness, what a mess.

- This isn't therapy, it's a farce. - I think he's right.

No, you made an effort and we were all with you.

It was impressive and you really... sucked ass!

Let's call it quits.

My turn.

Don't I have a right to my three minutes?

- Sure, everyone does. - Yes.

Well?

- Let us hug you. - No. - Yes.

- Yes, let us hug you, let us hug you. - Gently.

- God. - Ready?

- Gently. - Go. You got this.

- Too much? May I? - No, enough!

I give up.

Don't touch me, don't! Don't look at me!

What's that?

Nothing, why?

- You found my video? - No!

No way, he's not that sharp.

- What are you watching? - It's...

You're watching my video, you found it.

No!

- I will toss this. - Gimme the fucking phone!

- No! - It's not my fault you let him film you...

This is not who I am.

No, in fact, it's not you.

Shame on you, we're trying to help her and you're watching cat videos?

My boss always sends these videos, we're supposed to laugh.

My co-worker is always the first to add a reaction.

Enough with that phone, go apologize!

- I apologize for... - No, I apologize, to all of you.

Well, the two of you shared these three minutes.

No, I wasn't focused enough. It's my turn now, right?

That's mine, sorry. Tiziana?

- How long has it been? - Twenty seconds.

I can do it.

I heard a message!

- No... - Yes, yes.

Yes.

- A message, message. - WhatsApp!

They're texting you.

- Calm down! - Here's an idea...

- Think of something that relaxes you. - The beach, beach.

I like the beach.

Breeze, sea...

Blue water.

Blue check marks, it's unread.

- Who cares if it's unread! - Don't think about your phone.

Gee, thanks, Einstein.

If I tell you not to think about a giraffe, you'll think about a giraffe.

- A giraffe's in my mind now! - See?

I have a gang-bang in mind, I guess that's my giraffe.

Please, this is my trial year. If I don't answer, I'll get fired. It's important.

Who has the key?

You? The key...

Him?

- Me? - Her?

- I have it? - Yes.

- No, I think I lost it. - Lost it?

No! I can't find it.

- Hold on. - Who gave her the key?

- You did. - True.

- She put it... - Please!

- I even lost my car keys! - So you have some issues too?

That's serious,

if someone finds her car keys

they can steal her car and go commit a robbery.

They'll trace the plates back to her, the judge will think it was...

Found them! My car keys, sorry.

He's going through withdrawal.

- What are you afraid of? - What do you think?

If I don't answer, they'll replace me with someone who never sleeps. Should I quit?

And throw away all those years of studying?

What'll I tell my parents? That I failed but the others didn't?

- What... You kissed me. - Yes, yes.

Thanks, Lilly, you shut him up!

I was ready to kiss him myself!

He almost broke the cabinet!

- You're looking better now. - Here it is, I found the key.

- I tried to tell you... - Your house keys?

- Hold on, come on, wait. No! - Your house keys.

No, no, no!

- Time? - 15 seconds to go.

I can't do it, I can't do it. It's too hard, too hard.

Focus on the lines.

Step on one, just one.

Watch me do it. If I can step on them, so can you.

- Okay, okay. - Do it.

Oh well...

Close your eyes and take my hands.

Hold on tight.

She's got a radar.

You didn't step on a single line.

- That's a skill. - Fuck.

Just one fuck?

I was expecting two.

That's a step forward.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm just tired, I'm just tired.

Everyone says it'll go away.

Everyone says it'll go away, but it hasn't gone away.

It hasn't gone away.

At my father's funeral...

At my father's funeral, everyone said:

"We're here for you, here for you."

And I kept repeating to myself that they would be there for me.

But nobody was!

Nobody was and so...

either I repeat or I kill myself, either I repeat or I kill myself.

Come on, stop crying. I prefer when you made my ears bleed.

Sorry, just joking.

My daughter says I joke around so much she can't tell when I'm serious.

- Were you ever a serious person? - Never.

It was a stupid idea to do this without Dr. Stern.

My idea, indeed.

I really wanted at least one of us to succeed.

I really wanted at least one of us to succeed.

Yeah.

We could've given it another try

but we've all had our turn and you're sane, right?

Too bad.

Well... Let me try.

- Me. - So there's still hope.

Still hope...

After you bragged about being normal this whole time?!

- Thought you had a good nose for people? - Yeah, I've been saying it all day.

- You're our last hope, Anna Maria. - Her? Our last hope?

- I won't be rooting for her. - You will.

No, I'll just watch.

So there's no legal consultation, you're not the doctor's friend?

No, no.

I'm a patient. Yes.

I'm not a lawyer, I'm a judge.

Yes...

I got the highest score on the competitive exam at a young age.

I loved studying law: what can or can't be done is clear.

I still love studying it and rereading ten, twenty, thirty times

each clause, each act...

Because if I don't take everything into account,

reaching a sentence isn't like tossing a coin!

Yes?

Judge De Santis, the parties are here.

From the 2015 case, the residents of Via Durazzo.

They've been waiting ages for a sentence.

I need to review it and be sure I haven't made any mistakes.

- You know it by heart by now. - It's my responsibility to be meticulous.

- People's lives are at stake. - It's just a water damage case.

Exactly! Inform them that I'll set another date for the hearing.

I do this outside of the courtroom too.

Breathe, breathe...

- You're married? - Have been for 20 years.

Twenty? No way! How did he put up with you for so long?!

- Emilio! - But she said it to me before.

- Why are you all so nice to her? - I bet you can answer that.

Try to focus...

Geez...

So... I came here for my husband, Vittorino.

- Vittorino? - What...

- Sorry, it's funny. - I can't sign the separation papers.

I'm doing it for him, he can't do it alone.

- Sure about that? - What do I do?

Try to not control anything for three minutes.

No...

May I? I'll take that, ok?

- Emilio, time. - Fine.

Three, two, one, go.

The other day I read something that could interest you.

If your problem were in front of you right now, what shape would it take?

Human? Animal? What color?

- Uhm... Maybe something gray. - Okay.

Yes, gray. Maybe it would be a cat.

God, did I feed my cat Hilda? I can't remember if I gave her food.

How's my parking spot? I need to see the doctor.

- You're doing great, Anna Maria. - No...

Tell us why you're getting separated.

Like you need to ask? Poor Vittorino, 20 years of this.

- Please! - Look at me.

Maybe you neglected him like I did with my wife.

Maybe you wished you'd been more present.

No, no, actually, I was awful, I was suffocating,

intrusive, I was...

A pain in the ass!

- Yes. - Say: "I'm a pain the ass."

- I'm... - It's cathartic.

- Say it. - No, I have to go.

Maybe my car got towed or I didn't lock my front door.

Or maybe you left the gas on.

Nobody is going anywhere!

- You're kidnapping us, I'll press charges. - Go ahead.

- Time's up. - Happy? I failed too.

- That's not my fault. - You've been tormenting me all day.

The two of you were always on her back.

That's how this therapy goes, he said it would work.

- Hey! Hello?! - Huh?

- Eh! - Stop that.

- Enough with the phone! - Screw you, Emilio!

No, I should be saying "screw you" because I'm fed up!

- Who are you mad at? - You all.

Us? I don't think you meant that.

Yes, I did. I'm fucking fed up with you all. I have nothing to do with you.

- Really? - You're rude.

Shut up, you lied about who you were!

You act like the funny guy but you're actually a big asshole.

I touched you before, remember?

- I have herpes. - No! - Where? - Liar.

It's true.

- Listen carefully, I won't say it twice! - Fat chance.

Listen carefully, I won't say it twice!

The next time you're mean to someone,

I'll put a paperweight in Anna Maria's bag and smash your balls with it.

The next time you're mean to someone,

I'll put a paperweight in Anna Maria's bag and smash your balls with it.

- Let her out. - Let me out.

- We're going to kill each other! - Are you okay?

- Are you okay? - She's fine, please.

- Enough with this, none of us will get better. - Enough of you! What have you done?

- What? - Stop it.

The person we should blame is that damn Dr. Stern.

- True. - Yeah.

Meaning me.

- Huh? - What?

I'm Dr. Stern.

Right...

I'm not finding this very funny.

It's true.

You work at city hall...

Lemme guess: another one of your brilliant therapy ideas.

- Let's pretend someone's the doctor! - No, no, no.

Come to think of it...

you were the first to mention group therapy.

There was no mention of group therapy.

In group therapy, everyone looks at me...

We're not doing group therapy, right?

You used us like puppets.

You have post-traumatic stress disorder.

You tortured us.

So I'd count and count, and now I'm not supposed to count?!

You toyed with our manias.

- There's a tow truck! - Where?

My bad, it's just a garbage truck.

- So anxious! - This anxiety will last forever.

If it lasts forever, I'll lose control, but feeling anxious is dumb.

So it's true.

It is you? Doctor?

Follow me.

How can you be a psychologist if you have Tourette's?

- Do you insult patients? - No...

At first, I was like Billie Eilish, I didn't have tics while working.

Then it got worse and I started having problems.

Emilio's right, people are touchy.

You can't imagine how many patients I lost because of...

- Come. - What's going on? - Don't worry, just come.

What's happening? Don't push.

- What's going on? - What's his name?

Sonia, tell them the truth.

- The truth truth? - The truth truth.

You can tell them the truth.

So it's over?

All right, he's the real Dr. Stern. I'm not the real secretary though.

Normally, I work part-time for a dentist.

He hired me just for today through an agency.

My real secretary would've given herself away.

Plus, she wouldn't have understood the gist of this plan.

- Thanks, Sonia. - You're welcome. When he called me, I couldn't say no.

I'm also an amateur actress, as you might've noticed.

People always say there's something about me...

You know, I based my look on her.

- You see? - Never mind. - Isn't it wild?

Identical! Anyway, in reality, this is me...

My method was the details are what make up a character's truth.

For example, secretaries talk to friends on the phone.

Normally, I don't do that. Then I just went with the flow and improvised.

- I had fun. - I'm sure.

The phone call to Armando wasn't bad. You all fell for it.

Even you, Emilio.

Be honest, did I go over-the-top at times?

- Yes or no? - Yes.

Yes. Doc, you went overboard a few times too.

- Yes. - I have Tourette's, but not "2Plus".

So I did have some fun with this too.

He's hilarious when he does that.

No, that was real.

Gosh, sorry. I apologize, doctor.

Is your husband really dead?

Goodness no, he's alive. Overly alive and agitated.

And since he hurt his knee, he hobbles when he walks.

- Sonia! - Sorry.

It's been great, guess I can go now, right?

- Please do. - All right.

Can I say one last thing? You're all such special people.

- Really, lovely people. - Yes.

I'm abnormal too, my dad always said that I was...

Sonia!

- I'll go. - I'll wire you the money.

No need, I had so much fun doing this...

Actually, I'll send you my bank details later, okay?

You're lovely! Lovely, lovely.

I mean it, from the heart. Big love for everybody.

- Thanks. - Wow.

Sorry...

mainly about her.

You deceived us.

Well, it's...

It's funny because...

I decided to come here

to try to regain trust in people.

I'm so naive, I'm a fucking fool.

All of my wounds have a common denominator:

the fact that I blindly trust the person in front of me.

You know?

Is your family real? Is there really a wife and daughter?

Do you really have a daughter?

- Do you really have a daughter? - Yes.

I have a wife and daughter, who is graduating today at 5:00 PM,

but I won't go because I'm ashamed of my condition,

and as a result, I'll probably get divorced.

Are you happy now that you know the truth?

You did something very bad. We could press legal charges against you.

Well, shitface?

As a kid, they called me... prodigy.

- Make us laugh, come on! - Do that thing!

But it wasn't funny.

You're hurting me.

They roughed me up and teased me.

Guys! Look at the prodigy!

Breathe...

They made me say all the swears!

Shitface!

But why did you pretend to be a patient?

I thought a group of patients, as equals,

without the interference of a doctor, might've succeeded.

- Even just for three minutes. - If someone recognized you?

In that case, I would've resorted to normal group therapy.

I would've tried this again with another group, I'm fixated.

Well, Big-Doc, impressive outcome.

You treated us like guinea pigs.

So it's all over, all over.

- Exactly. And I'm leaving. - Emilio...

I wanted you to succeed. I wanted all of you to succeed.

- Me too. - Oh please!

But we came here for him.

I really want to know if he can help us, don't you?

Whatever, bye-bye.

After all the times you busted my balls today?!

After all the times you busted my balls today?!

I have no idea how many times!

- You didn't count them? - No! - You didn't count? - No!

How many times did Otto pick up his phone?

How many times did she rummage through her bag?

How many times did Bianca sanitize her hands?

- Dunno. - How odd!

No, think about it, all of you, think about it.

Who else noticed something odd?

Otto.

When you danced with Lilly,

you put your phone on the sofa and didn't check it.

Close your eyes and take my hands.

- It's true, I wanted to help her. - So does this mean you succeeded?

- I think so. - So does this mean you succeeded?

- I think so. - Yes, because...

You don't improve when others try to help you,

but when you try to help others.

Because you forget about yourself.

You don't feel observed, judged, and incapable.

Did anyone else forget about their obsession?

- You did, Bianca. You did, Bianca. - When?

You high-fived Emilio and didn't wash your hands after.

- Do it. - Go!

You high-fived Emilio and didn't wash your hands after.

- It's true. - You didn't know that I had herpes.

I'm just kidding, it's not true.

- Anyone else? - Maybe me...

- When? - In the elevator. - With me? - Yes.

I didn't press the stop button.

I'll never seen you again but you should report that louse.

No, I was so outraged about what happened to you

that I forget to press the buttons, that hasn't happened in ages.

Lilly, when you kissed Otto you stepped on the lines.

- I'm pretty sure. - Did I really?

- Did I really? - Yes!

God, I'm so happy! God, I'm so happy!

We need to work on the repetitions, you're still fucking annoying.

So you think we can do something like this outside of here?

Of course.

If you all managed once, you'll be able to do it again.

You shitfaces!

Maybe not all of us managed.

Me? No... I'm not part of the group.

Plus, it wouldn't work with me.

Did you happen to schedule group therapy on your daughter's graduation?

- Here's our graduate! - Graduation's today?

At 5:00 PM.

This isn't a piano recital, a school play, or a track meet.

Or her 18th birthday.

But let's be honest, those school plays were such...

- Dad! - Shitshows.

Listen up, you'd better come to her graduation, it's important.

I'm tired of always going alone like I'm separated or widowed.

- I may as well be. - Widowed?

- Separated. - But as long as there's love...

There is love, right?

Know how many of her milestones I missed?

But I did it to spare her the embarrassment.

No, you did it for yourself, because you're ashamed.

You need to stop feeling ashamed

and you need to forget about yourself.

Go now.

But it's... tic-teek-tag... too late.

Too late doesn't exist for Emilio.

90% is how we react.

- We'll come. - Yes.

- All of us! - Yes. Yes, yes!

Let's go, let's go.

Maybe not.

If my father were alive...

I'd want him even with all the tics in the world.

If my father were alive, I'd want him even with all the tics in the world.

Do you want to look like...

I'll say it this time: a dumbass.

This will be your three minutes, Dr. Stern.

Tic-teek-tag.

Tic-teek-tag.

Hop on.

- We follow you. - Follow us.

- Ready? Ready? - Yes.

Twenty-four lights, 78 intersections, 125 turns.

We can do it.

God...

I can't...

They went straight.

We're supposed to turn.

Oh! Careful!

No, I can't do it.

Now what?

Let's go?

Let's go!

- We're alive. - We're alive.

We're alive!

As you can see, this is the first data we gathered.

The premise behind my research...

Is that her?

...formulating algorithms to reconstruct the direction of cosmic rays

presents problems due to observational conditions and characteristics...

...characteristics of the components used for the apparatus.

The purpose of my thesis was to create a comprehensive simulation,

end-to-end, of the experiment.

We studied the performance of the instrumental apparatus

and used the results to optimize the design.

Thank you.

The Commission awards the candidate a grade of 110 out of 110 summa cum laude.

Under the authority granted by the Rector, I proclaim you a doctor of physics.

That's my father.

- Your father? - Yes. - Come join us.

- Come. - No... No, no.

No, no, no...

- No. - Go. - Maybe not.

There's a microphone.

A few words for your daughter...

Zoom in.

- He can do it. - He sure can.

If he holds his breath.

- Hold him? I want to film my uncle. - Oh, my God!

Valentina, I wanted to apologize.

I apologize if, when you were a baby,

I didn't hold you often.

I was afraid I would drop you or hurl you into the air.

All of my impulsive gestures...

Sorry I never took you to school, I was afraid you were embarrassed of me.

I told tons of lies to get out of coming to your plays.

But maybe a daughter just wants to have her father by her side.

Even one with all the tics in the world.

I told lots of lies, I think, for the good of others,

but now I realize how it feels when someone disappoints people who trust in you.

So I want to tell you here and now,

I am proud of you and...

if I can, I want to tell you with all my heart...

motherfucking rotter...

Fuck you! Goddamn it!

Good job, shitface.

- Tell me I'm doing the right thing. - How many times?

Kidding.

So you and Dr. Stern have become friends?

- Not best friends, but... - And you stopped counting?

Three times two?

The Musketeers?

How many red lights did you hit today?

How many kisses will you give me?

Tons.

And thanks for throwing away your knickknacks.

Sorry for making you wait so long, Vittorino.

- Hi, Matteo. - Bianca. Are we talking again?

Yes, I want you to meet my friend. Anna Maria.

Matteo. Matteo, Anna Maria.

- What a pleasure. - Hello.

It's him.

Posting private images without the consent of the involved party

is a violation of Article 612 of the Criminal Code

and it carries a sentence of 1-6 years in jail.

We'll see...

You think you'll get away with it because Italian justice is slow?

That's partially true, so that's why I'll push things forward.

So you'll think twice before doing it again.

Emilio!

Yo, Matteo! Hello.

How's it going? I've heard so much about you.

The video you posted lasts two and a half minutes, that's 150 seconds.

- Why am I telling you this? - I'm off.

- Sorry. - Call you later.

If you multiply 150 seconds that's...

3,750 frames.

That's the number of slaps I will give you...

Count, count... Count!

This old model is so limited, it's stupid, just calls and messages,

but it has no internet, none, amazing!

- I made coffee, slut. - Good morning to you too.

It was an unforgettable experience, a bunch of weirdos but still...

they really left a mark on me.

Federico, who has Tourette's, did these sudden, uncontrolled movements.

- Spasms. Then... - Sonia! - Sorry.

I'll go. I'll finishing telling you about it later. Nice job.

- Morning. - Morning.

Professor Stern...

Federico...

Don't tell me you did it again?

Yes, sir, but this time you came out looking like a hero.

- The keys? - Yes, I watered your plants too.

- What about your daughter's graduation? - You remembered?

- Yes. - She got 110 out of 110.

- Wow! Good job. - Thanks.

They even let me talk.

My daughter got emotional. Friends came with me.

- Where did you go celebrate? - We went to...

- Tic-teek-tag! - Ah! Al Tic-teek-tag!

GROUP THERAPY