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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) This coffee's amazing.

Yeah, it has actual taste.

I tried something a little different.

What's that?

I washed the pot.

Ah, fresh coffee, good mood.

All right, what's the occasion?

I'm glad you asked.

I've been dying to tell someone.

You see, yesterday...

Oh, I'm having a great morning.

Guy cuts me off, I run him into

the sidewalk.

Bump tries to clean my windshield, I splash

him with a puddle.

It's all good.

Until I pull up here, and some moron

felt obligated to take up two parking spaces.

I don't know anyone who has more trouble

parking than her.

Yeah, I'm betting on you.

Anyway, here's why I'm in a good mood.

I had a very nice date last night.

Was it that dopey UPS guy?

No, he dumped her.

Probably that college kid then.

No, he dumped her, too.

I know, it's the gay guy.

Well, now, in all fairness, that guy wasn't

gay until after he dated her.

True, true.

Would you please stop?

There's nothing wrong with this one.

His name is Greg, and he's great.

And I have a feeling that someday he

might be very special to me.

You said that about the gay guy.

Yeah, Rich, I gotta go, but I don't

want you to think it's because I don't

care.

It's just that...

Oh, hell, you know, I don't care, do

I?

Look, forget about Becker.

He's so insensitive.

He doesn't appreciate you for the fine person

you are.

The fine, full, ample-rounded Bob.

What?

You picked the shirt?

Bob's only human.

Anyway, as I was saying, his name is

Greg, and he's very cute.

Yeah, I gotta believe this.

My car's been towed.

How could they do that?

Yeah, I know, and I parked legally.

No, I meant, how could they do that?

It doesn't have any bumpers.

If it does so, I keep them in

the trunk.

I'm not gonna believe this.

I thought my car was towed, so I

went to the impound lot.

It wasn't there, which means it wasn't towed.

It was stolen.

What's so funny?

Someone stole your car!

That's crazy.

I mean, the seats are all ripped, the

sides all dented in.

And you have to start it with a

screwdriver?

And it smells like some cat had babies

in there.

No offense.

And I'll tell you something.

Whoever did this is gonna be really, really

sorry.

Your car?

Believe me, John, they're already sorry.

Mr. Haller, John Becker, sorry I kept you

waiting.

I'm having a hell of a morning.

Well, I won't be any trouble.

I'm just here for a physical.

Well, good, that's simple.

We check your heart, we take your blood,

we pee in a cup.

Actually, you pee in a cup.

I can handle that.

So, anything I should be looking for?

Any specific complaint?

No, I'm just here because I'm starting a

new job, and I need to get my

insurance.

Oh, shoot!

Insurance, damn it!

Whoa, is that a problem?

Yeah, you're damn right it is.

My car was stolen.

It just hit me.

My insurance company's gonna completely screw me.

It's such a racket.

They cover you for everything except what actually

happens to you.

You pay premiums for years.

I bet you I don't see a damn

dime.

You know, your heart's really racing.

Well, I am sitting here in a lobster

bed with some stranger screaming at me.

Look, are you all right?

I mean, you want to lie down or

something?

No, I'm all right.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Morning.

Yeah, I get it.

Margaret called and told you my car was

stolen, right?

No.

We heard the police had an APB out

for a pile of crap.

You know what?

You should be grateful someone stole your car.

I mean, the seats are torn, the sides

all dented in, and the same cat has

a litter of kittens in it every spring.

You know, I'd get a buck apiece for

those kittens.

Oh, there you go, Reg.

Your turn.

You want to laugh about how my car

was stolen?

Becker, I don't care.

Uh, John, she had another date with that,

uh, Greg guy, and I think she's mad

because nobody asked her about it.

Well, what's the point?

I'm sure he just dumped her.

Of course he dumped her.

Hey, I'm standing right here.

Hey, come on.

Be sensitive to her feelings.

So how did this guy dump you?

He didn't dump me.

Mm, she sent another one over the rainbow.

And he's not gay, and I happen to

know because he...

proposed.

What?

You're kidding me.

You proposed on the second date?

Yeah.

And what did you do to make him

propose?

And how many times did you do it?

I didn't do anything.

So-so this guy's not-not a loser.

He's a lunatic.

Why?

Because he wants to get married so soon

or because he wants to marry me?

Anybody?

You want that?

Dr. Becker?

I know you need to buy a new

car, and, well, you're in luck because I

have a special talent for matching people with

the cars they should be driving.

For instance, just last week, I told my

boyfriend Gil that he should drive a Ferrari,

and that's exactly what he was driving when

the police picked him up.

So, I think if I...

Linda, Linda, what have I told you about

coming in here and talking to me?

That I shouldn't waste your time by rambling

like I always do, that I should just

get to the point, which is sometimes difficult

because if you and I are gonna ever

really communicate...

Linda!

What do you want?

Mr. Howler's waiting in the hall to go

over the results of his insurance physical.

And there's something else.

Oh, yeah, he's in a hurry.

I'm sorry, Mr. Howler.

Come on in.

Sit down.

I told your nurse that all I really

wanted was for you to sign this insurance

form.

I didn't want to disturb you.

No, it's no problem.

I just want to go over a few

of your test results here.

You know, the only red flag I see

is your cholesterol, which seems a little high,

but I won't really know that until I

check your history.

So, your last doctor, what was his name?

Is this really necessary?

Because I think he actually moved out of

the neighborhood.

That's okay.

We'll track him down.

Listen, all I really need is for you

to just...

I'm sorry to interrupt, but, um, Mr. Howler,

I can't read your social security number.

Is the last digit a 2 or a

5?

Oh, well, it's a...

It's a 5.

Oh, thank you.

Margaret, do me a favor.

Close the door, will you?

Thank you.

So, what's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, first, you didn't want to tell me

the name of your last doctor, and now

you can't even remember your own social security

number.

Look...

I-I'm in the middle of a real

tough situation here.

I'm listening.

I'm...

Well, I'm not Jim Howler.

Yeah, I got that.

Jim's my brother.

And a year ago, he got very sick.

Missed a lot of work.

They fired him from his job, and he

lost his insurance.

Then they finally figured out what he had

all along.

Multiple sclerosis.

Only now, it's a pre-existing condition, and

no insurance company will touch him.

Oh, damn it.

You know, you hear about those stories.

You know, I-I'm sorry.

So we just figured if I could just

pass this physical, it would solve all of

his problems.

You're talking about fraud here.

Look, Dr. Becker, you have a reputation in

this neighborhood for helping people, for bending the

rules.

Yeah, I bend stupid rules, Mr. Howler.

Do you have any idea the position you're

putting me in just by asking me?

Look, I know that I'm asking a lot,

but if you just sign this form, you

will never see me again, and no one

will ever know.

But would you at least just think about

it?

Please.

Give me a couple of days.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Reggie Costas.

She's in back.

Could you tell her that Greg is here,

please?

Greg?

You're Reggie's new boyfriend, aren't you?

Hey, Jake, Reggie's freak of the week is

here.

I guess she told you about me.

I know, it's crazy, proposing like I did.

After two dates?

Yeah, just a little.

Hey, Reggie.

Oh, hi, Greg.

Oh, look, about the other day...

Yeah, you see, I didn't know what I...

Look, Reggie, I know I surprised you the

other night when I proposed, okay?

Truth is, I surprised myself.

I have just never felt this way about

anybody before.

Go on.

It's gonna sound corny, but I think when

two people are meant to be together, they

know it.

What I'm trying to say, I believe in

love at first sight.

Don't you?

I do.

I did.

Well, I think so.

But us getting married...

Greg, that's crazy.

Maybe.

But if I finally find the woman that

I want to spend the rest of my

life with and I let her go, that

would be crazier.

Oh, Greg, that's really sweet, but...

All I'm asking you, okay, is just to

be open to falling in love.

Are you open?

I'm open.

Me too.

I mean, is there something holding you back

here?

Some dark secret that I don't know about?

No.

Oh, no.

Everything bad in my life you've already met?

Look, Greg, I'm flattered, but I've only known

you two days.

You need time to think about this.

I understand.

I'll call you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

How many times I gotta tell you people?

I've met Jesus.

We didn't hit it off.

It's your neighbor.

Well, that's sure not gonna get me to

the door.

I signed for a package you ordered.

Whoa.

Why didn't you say something, you moron?

Hi.

Oh, yeah, you're, uh...

Anita.

Right, up in 4C.

You're the...

Right, the hooker.

Anita, the hooker.

I'm thinking of having stationary made.

Anyway, here's your package.

Thank you.

Oh, and thanks for tearing it open, too.

It was open when I got it.

A.M. Gold, greatest hits of the 70s.

Well, there's one song in there I like.

The Night Chicago Died?

Oh, and two songs.

Um...

Thank you.

Thanks for doing this.

You know, you don't always have to be

so uncomfortable around me.

I mean, we could have a normal conversation.

You know, how was your day?

How was my day?

It's just that I'm not sure how much

of your day I'd be comfortable talking about.

Fine.

How was your day?

Uh...

Today, not so great, as a matter of

fact.

Some guy came in and wanted me to

do something I'm not sure I can do.

I am with you so far.

Go on.

Go on.

Well, actually, he wanted me to commit insurance

fraud.

Funny thing is, the more I think about

it, the more I think I might do

it.

You can't.

No, you don't understand.

He's got a very good reason.

It doesn't matter.

It's illegal.

Yeah, you know...

No offense here, Anita, but it's a little

strange hearing that coming from somebody who breaks

the law by the hour.

Hey, no one gets hurt by what I

do.

Well, except one guy.

But he pays extra.

It's a little more complicated than that, you

know?

I could end up helping somebody who really

needs it.

I mean, who's the victim here?

A corrupt insurance company?

You know, that's a popular misconception.

Insurance is a heavily regulated industry.

In fact, the only consistent argument they have

for increasing rates is the amount of fraud

they withstand.

At least, that's what my economics professor said.

You're taking an economics class?

No, he's a client.

You can twist it any way you want,

but that doesn't change anything.

That man needs you.

You don't understand, Margaret.

Insurance is a heavily regulated industry.

In fact, you know, the only consistent argument...

Oh, give it up.

You've said that three times, and it still

doesn't make any sense.

You have to help that man.

I have to?

Oh, yeah.

This is great.

The hooker says that I have to be

honest.

The Bible thumper says I should cheat.

Oh.

I wish one woman in my life would

behave the way I expect her to.

Oh, Dr. Becker, I forgot to tell you,

I'm leaving early today.

I can't believe you're telling me to break

the law.

And whatever happened to all that crap about

thou shalt not steal?

I was thinking more in terms of benefiting

the sick.

What part of the Bible is that from?

Actually, it's the Hippocratic Oath.

Oh, sure.

Throw that in my face one day.

Is Greg here yet?

That freak still in the picture?

He's not a freak.

At least I don't think he is.

Oh, I don't know.

One minute I think I could spend my

life with Greg, and the next minute I

think he's just some weirdo who should get

lost.

You just described my marriage.

Excuse me.

Is there a Dr. John Becker here?

No.

Leave a message for him if you want.

Oh, uh, well, will you tell him Clark

Morgan from Evergreen Insurance stopped by with some

news about his car?

Oh, oh, yeah, in that case, I'm John

Becker.

You are?

No, trust me.

No one would be him if they didn't

have to.

Never mind her.

What's this about my car?

The police found it.

Oh, good.

Unfortunately, it's a total loss.

Ah, damn it!

I just need you to ID the vehicle

before I can release the check.

Yeah, isn't this just the way you pay

your premiums for years?

Check?

No.

Now prepare yourself.

These photos are pretty disturbing.

You can see here the seats are ripped,

the sides all dented in.

And the smell, I-I...

I don't even know how to describe it.

Was it like a cat?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Forget her.

You're right.

It's very, very disturbing.

You said something about a check.

Yes.

Unfortunately, we can only pay you $800.

$800?

I feel so violated.

I just need you to sign this.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yeah, yeah, I...

Oh, don't cluck at me.

Oh, you leave me no choice.

You're the one that's always saying that insurance

companies are just out to screw everyone.

You're just a hypocrite.

I am not.

I'm a hypocrite with $800.

Dr. Becker?

Yeah, hi.

Come on in.

Uh, have a seat, Mr. Howard.

You know, uh, the last couple days, I've

been thinking about your brother a lot.

As a matter of fact, I-I've thought

about this pretty much from every angle, but

I-I just, uh...

You're not gonna do it, are you?

You know, I gotta be honest with you.

If I could help somebody and screw an

insurance company at the same time, that would

make my day, but...

No, I-I'm sorry.

I just can't.

Thanks.

For nothing.

Well, wait, let me explain my reasons.

You know what?

I don't give a damn about your reasons.

What I do care about, though, is my

brother.

You know, if you asked me to steal

a half a million dollars, I'd say no.

Signing that form is the same thing.

No one would ever have found out.

You know, I could lose my license.

There are not a lot of doctors in

this neighborhood, and whether I like it or

not, a lot of people depend on me.

And I'm sorry.

I know you're going through a tough situation,

but it'd be just the wrong thing to

do.

Yeah, well, the right thing really doesn't help

my brother, does it?

Well, you know, let me do some research.

Maybe I could find a federal program.

A federal program?

I don't have time for that.

My brother needs help now.

And if you won't give it to him,

then I'll just have to find a doctor

who will.

Well, I hope you do.

I gather you didn't sign Mr. Hallow's form.

No, and don't lecture me, Margaret.

No, I'm not gonna lecture you, John.

I understand.

Maybe what you did was the right thing.

How come I feel like crap?

That's how you know.

Well, now that you've decided that it's wrong

to cheat an insurance company, what are you

gonna do with that check for your car?

Oh, come on, Margaret.

His claim would've cost millions.

Mine's only 800 bucks.

No, you know, no.

I've made up my mind.

There's nothing you can say to, you know,

keep me from taking that money.

How about this?

I already sent it back.

What?

John, insurance is a heavily regulated industry.

The only consistent reason they have...

Get the hell out of here.

Well, I got my car back, and yeah,

I could've kept the insurance check, but I

just figured...

Shh.

Reggie and Greg.

Greg.

Oh, the nut.

Hey, he's the best thing to come into

our lives in a long time.

Oh.

Greg, this is all too fast for me.

I need to think about this.

Hey, take all the time you want.

I just need to know by Saturday.

Saturday.

Why Saturday?

Well, I'm, uh, getting married.

What?

Oh, don't get upset.

If you say yes, that wedding's off.

What?

I mean, my fiancé's nice, but when I

met you, I realized I had a chance

to trade up.

Trade up?

Are you kidding?

What if I had said yes?

You know, would you have dumped me as

soon as you met someone better?

Reggie, come on.

It's Thursday.

What are the odds of meeting somebody better

by Saturday?

Hey.

You're insane.

Get out.

Get the hell out.

Please, just wait until you see the dress.

Get out!

Go ahead.

Let's get this over with.

Make your jokes.

Anybody?

You want that?

No.

I can't believe how close I came to

being Mrs. Greg Jackson.

You're kidding, right?

Did you hear that, you guys?

That would have made her Reggie Jackson.