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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I swear the whole world's got its hand

out if it's not the bum on the

corner or some kid selling cookies.

It's Jimmy Carter looking to raise money for

a tool belt.

Where's everybody?

Margaret!

Oh, there you are.

You know, I swear the whole world's got...

I heard you.

Now, sit down.

I cleared the schedule for our staff meeting.

And don't try to tell me it's a

surprise because I told you about it on

Friday.

I would have remembered that because I hate

staff meetings.

I'm absolutely positive you never said a single

thing.

I brought snacks for the staff meeting.

I went to the Krispy Kreme out in

Queens.

Queens?

They have stores everywhere.

Yeah, but I woke up in Queens.

Try one.

They're incredible.

Now, I'd like to start off by...

I can't believe you fall for all that

marketing hype.

You know, a donut's a donut.

As I was saying, I would like...

Oh my God, these are incredible.

They're like cake.

Could we please start the meeting?

Not so much cake.

They're more fluffy, like a croissant.

I think they're much fluffier than that.

When I was a little girl, I had

a dog named Fluffy.

What does that have to do with anything?

I had him neutered because he kept interrupting

me.

Okay, if we look at last month's invoices,

we will see...

Let it ring.

What if it's a medical emergency?

The stupid machine will get it.

My name is Linda.

No, I didn't mean you.

The service will get the call.

Now, if we look at last month's invoices,

we'll see...

It seems as if the service is not

picking up the phone.

All right, Linda, answer the damn phone.

There's been some annoying woman from Harvard leaving

me messages all weekend.

If it's her, I'm out of here.

Got it.

Doctor's office?

Yeah, he's right here.

It's the Daily News.

They want to know if you're interested in

home delivery.

You know what?

I better take that to the office.

You know, this might take a while.

Jake, listen to this.

My boyfriend calls me Muffet.

I thought it was cute until I found

out he used the same nickname for his

last girlfriend.

Suddenly, I don't feel so special.

What do you think?

I think you should tell them how you

feel, Bob.

It's not me.

It's the newspaper.

The advice columns.

God, I hate them.

Oh, because they never publish your letters?

Hey, that's beside the point.

The letters people write aren't half as stupid

as the answers they get back.

Like, look at this.

Dear Muffin, it doesn't matter what he calls

you as long as he calls you.

What kind of message is that for single

women?

It doesn't matter what he says.

Just be happy you have a man.

Wouldn't you be?

I wasn't talking about me.

Well, there's a change of pace for you.

Hello?

Yes, I'm sorry to say he's right here.

Becker, it's for you.

Some woman from Harvard.

Oh, how the hell did she find me

here?

You don't have to be from Harvard to

find you here.

Hey, you know, stop harassing me for a

donation.

I don't have any money.

You know, if I did, I'd use it

to repay my student loan, which is in

no way a promise to repay my student

loan.

It's amazing.

All these years and you are still the

cheapest man I have ever met.

Megan?

John, you haven't changed.

Not neither of you.

No, I mean, you really haven't changed.

That's the same corduroy jacket you had in

college.

You know, if you wait long enough, everything

comes back in style.

Bet you can't live long enough for the

shirt.

John Becker, I can't believe it.

Yeah, you too.

Sit down.

Sit down.

What are you doing here?

Do you realize it's been 30 years?

Well, your name came across my desk recently

and I had to be in New York

anyway.

So I thought, what the hell?

You look fantastic.

Well, thank you.

You look great too.

And sorry about ambushing you like I did,

but you didn't pick up your phone all

weekend.

Yeah, very cute.

Pretending to be one of those pain in

the ass people from the alumni association.

I wasn't pretending.

That's my job.

Yeah, Megan, this hasn't been a great year

for me.

John, relax.

I know we're not getting any money from

you.

And the whole time we went out, you

never even bought me a slice of pizza.

What?

Yeah, I was embracing the women's movement.

You were embracing your wallet.

Listen, if you have time, I'd, I'd love

to catch up.

Yeah, I'd love that.

You want to have lunch?

Oh, well, my treat.

Oh, you know, there's a steakhouse if you

like steak.

I have steak.

Where did I put that?

I don't know what it looked like, but

it just sounded like John and that woman

were flirting.

Ah, he's blind, yet he sees.

Even more interesting, she's wearing a wedding ring.

You noticed that?

Yeah, her left hand moved briefly in front

of her breast.

All right, who's next?

No one.

I canceled the last appointment.

Oh, great.

Someone in a hurry to get downtown to

have dinner with an old friend tonight.

Oh, no.

We are having our staff meeting.

Oh, no.

Uh-uh.

We're not having a staff meeting.

Linda already left.

No, she hasn't.

Hey, who locked the back door?

Come on, Margaret, I want to get out

of here.

I have plans tonight.

I need to get home first.

Oh, come on.

You'll have plenty of time to pick out

the right brown tie after the staff meeting.

I mean, you have actual social plans?

Like with another person?

Yes, for your information, I'm having dinner with

an old friend.

Okay, let's get started.

I love to keep up with old friends.

I mean, not actual old people, but friends

I've had for a really long time.

Okay, okay.

About last month's invoices, I have them right

here.

They were here a minute ago.

I have them in a red folder.

Don't anybody move.

I'll be right back as soon as I

find it.

Uh, Dr. Becker?

Linda, that was very deceitful of you.

Well done.

Do you remember Dennis Jeffers, captain of the

crew team?

Well, lost his hair, lost his business, had

to move back in with his mother.

That's great.

I always hated him.

Well, I love this.

You know the dirt on everyone.

Well, my husband's convinced that's why I took

the job with the alumni association.

And?

He's not that far off.

It's kind of fun.

So, what about you?

Well, there's not much to tell, you know.

I'm a doctor.

I live alone.

I was married twice, divorced twice.

Next lucky woman in my life gets half

of absolutely nothing.

Oh.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Anything.

Why did you dump me?

What?

We're having fun here, I should have said.

Oh, no, no.

I would love to talk about this, because

the way I remember it, you dumped me.

What are you talking about?

Come on, John.

After we graduated, I never heard from you.

You promised to write.

What?

I definitely wrote you.

I remember you were staying at your parents'

cottage in the Hamptons.

Oh, no, I wasn't.

I ended up getting a job in the

city, and I know I never got any

mail from you.

I wrote you like 30 letters.

30?

All right, five.

Hey, listen, they were great letters.

So, you did write me.

I can't believe no one forwarded your mail.

My dad.

Oh, he never liked you after all that

stuff you said about Nixon.

Well, it turned out I was right, though,

wasn't I?

Well, that explains why I never heard back

from you.

So, all these years, you thought I didn't

care.

Nixon.

The bastard's dead, and he's still screwing me.

Well, I thought not knowing hurt.

John, I really have to go.

I'm sorry.

I have an early alumni breakfast in the

morning.

Another example of our perfect timing.

Hey, it was terrific to see you.

It really was.

You too, John.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Boy, you must raise a lot of money

this way.

Uh, Rich, I'd like to talk to Jake

in private, please.

It's my place.

Why should I leave?

Come on, there are two of us.

Besides, moving Jake's always such a project.

Hey.

Well, it is.

Okay, I'll leave.

Trust me, your life isn't that interesting.

So, you, uh, remember Megan, the woman who

came in here yesterday?

Yeah, smelled good.

Nice voice.

Yeah.

Uh, anyway, when we went out, we had

dinner and drinks, and long story short, she

invited me up to her room.

Okay, so your life is interesting.

Well, what'd you do?

Well, he didn't go.

After all, she's married.

Hey, let me tell it, please.

I didn't go.

After all, she's married.

Well, I'm sure it was difficult, but you

did the right thing.

Yeah, right.

Look, hypothetically, if I happen to go out

with her again, say, tonight, and she happened

to invite me up to her room.

Okay, I see what this is.

You want us to give you the green

light to go and sleep with a married

woman?

No, no, come on, no, it isn't like

that.

I mean, how many times do you get

a chance to go back in life and

live out a moment that was meant to

be?

I mean, damn it, you know, I'm 50

years old.

It's the halftime of my life.

This is when the entertainment's supposed to come

out.

You can dress it up any way you

like, Becker, but it's still cheating.

No, no, no, wait, wait, no, see, let

me, let me explain.

It's not cheating.

Uh, see, Megan and I were supposed to

get together after college, but it got all

screwed up.

It was this whole big thing.

I mean, we were in love, you know,

there were lost letters.

Nixon was involved.

Becker, we get it.

You want to go up to her hotel

room, have sex, and then pretend it never

happened.

You make it sound so sleazy, Reg.

I'm just talking about one night.

You're right, you're right, I can't do it.

But what are you guys saying?

That if I miss an opportunity, that's it?

You know, I just have to live out

my life filled with sorrow and regret?

As opposed to the Mardi Gras you've been

living up till now?

It doesn't matter what we say, does it?

You're still thinking about doing it.

I'm always thinking about doing it.

What are we talking about?

Sex.

Well, you know, for once I was right.

I want to apologize for the delay in

having our staff meeting.

I just need to find my red folder.

Oh, there it is.

Well, that was a silly place to put

it.

Linda, I would keep quiet before I find

another silly place to put it.

Now, I've checked last month's invoices, and it

appears that Mr. Slovotsky at the supply warehouse

is cheating us.

Cheating?

Why would you say that?

What is that supposed to mean?

Now, I knew you would be upset, but

I checked.

He's definitely double billing.

Well, then that's stealing.

That's a lot different than cheating.

How?

Well, there has to be a difference, so

they wouldn't use two different words, Margaret.

Makes sense to me.

Now, you have to be very careful, Margaret.

That's a very serious accusation.

It's like in the third grade when Mrs.

Solomon accused me of cheating off Peggy Randall's

test paper, and I didn't do it.

But John, I have all the facts and

figures.

You know, even if he did cheat, maybe

he has a very good reason.

Like?

Well, like, like, you know, maybe he's making

up for something that happened 30 years ago.

What are you talking about?

All I know, you know, if this is

going to turn into a witch hunt, I

don't want any part of it.

Ditto.

Well, hell, it's not my money.

Wow, that's a really nice room.

Any of the money you raise actually make

it to Harvard?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You know what?

Maybe I should go.

But do you really want to?

No, not really.

I can't remember the last time I was

this nervous.

For me, it was on the way up

in the elevator.

You doll.

Something wrong?

Uh, no, no, I'm, I'm sorry.

You know, John, if you're not going to

listen to me, why even bother asking for

my advice?

I'm so glad I can't see this.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah, um, did you happen to see something?

No, no, no, I'm sorry.

Forget it.

I'm fine.

I really am.

Good.

Just give me a second.

I want everything to be perfect.

No pressure there.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Housekeeping.

Oh, Lord.

Uh, actually, you know, we're, uh, we're fine

in here.

Thank you.

Dr. Becker, I am very disappointed in you.

I must be hallucinating because you're working.

Come on, please, go, go, go away.

I don't care what you think.

If you didn't, I wouldn't be here.

You know, I thought you were an honorable

man, but apparently you're not, so I would

rather change linens, clean toilets, and go through

people's stuff than work for you.

Oh, oh my gosh.

So what do you think?

Uh, actually...

What the hell are you doing here?

I have no idea.

It's your subconscious.

I know what they'd say about you in

my psychology class.

Yeah, I don't care.

Just, just get the hell out of here,

will you, please?

Amazing.

Even in your own mind, you're rude.

Just hurry up.

John, you've waited 30 years.

Another minute won't kill you.

No, I mean, okay.

See what you made me do?

What's with the dress?

Hey, you put me in it.

Obviously, you see every woman as a sex

object.

Okay, let's go.

And for future reference, I wear a bra.

You're still here.

I was afraid you'd run away.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Um, you know what?

Now I need a moment.

Um, I'll be right back.

Okay.

Oh my god, what's happening to me?

Oh, jeez.

Oh!

Watch where you stand.

There are broken commandments all over the place.

Well, here we go.

I have been preaching to you for years,

but you never listen.

So I brought help.

Oh, jeez.

Who are you?

Mrs. Solomon, your third grade teacher.

Oh, Johnny, I'm very disappointed in you.

You were a cheater then.

You're a cheater now.

No, no, I am not.

You know, I was not.

No, hey, hey.

Okay, I need a drink.

John, were you talking to someone in there?

Uh, I was just thinking of the perfect

thing to say.

You look pretty.

Do you want anything here?

Sure.

Hey, Doc, how you doing?

Oh my god.

John, take whatever you want.

I'll pay for it.

You know, Doc, if you wrote to Dear

Abby, she'd tell you to do the right

thing.

But Bob's got a better idea.

This Megan is hot.

So before she comes to her senses, go

for it.

That's what Bob would do.

Oh, that's it.

No, I can't do this.

What?

I mean, I want to do this.

I really do.

But I just can't.

I mean, you're married, and I'm screwed up.

And, you know, it's just not right.

You know, I was starting to feel a

little guilty myself.

You wouldn't believe the kinds of things that

were going through my head.

Oh, I think I would.

I'm sorry, Megan, but I better leave.

I understand, John.

But it was really wonderful seeing you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you too.

You too.

Take care of yourself.

Although, you know, if...

Never mind.

I'm proud of you.

Oh, shut up.