Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Forget it, Skippy, you're not getting it back,

I got a rule, anything that rolls over

my foot is mine.

When did you get this done?

Oh, another one of those damn scooters.

It's going to take a while, Jake, I'm

going to clean up this town.

Why is there a cake of beer on

the counter?

There's a cake of beer on the counter?

Ranch coffee, please.

Well, bad news, Bob's ex-wife is hauling

his ass back into the court.

Funny, I thought my divorce was final, but

apparently now I'm in the bonus round, where

the dollar values are doubled.

Bob, you can't give them what you don't

have, just tell the court that you've got

no cash and no future.

Better still this show up.

I've never been more insulted in my life.

Nah, who am I kidding?

Hey, Red, did you even open?

Why is there a cake of beer on

the counter?

Yeah, why is there a cake of beer

on the counter?

Why is there a cake of beer on

the counter?

I don't know.

Better yet, Jake, why did you sign for

it?

Oh, that's why there's a cake of beer

on the counter.

Okay, so we know why there's beer over

there, why isn't there coffee over here?

Wait a minute, Becker, Jake.

I'm sorry, some guy came in, said he

had a delivery for you, so I signed

for it.

Why in the world would you do that?

Perhaps he was all loopy from lack of

caffeine.

You know, I kind of thought you'd be

happy that I signed for your supplies.

Jake, napkins are supplies, sweet and low packets

are supplies, a cake of beer is a

Friday night at some sleazy college mixer where

you don't remember where the hell you left

your bra.

I'll grow up.

Oh, I am so tired.

Well, maybe if you weren't out partying all

night, you'd be awake enough to do your

job.

Excuse me?

Well, that's what I usually get from you.

I was not out partying.

I hardly got any sleep because I had

this really weird dream.

What about?

Oh, uh, nothing.

Oh, no, you don't.

If it was about nothing, you would have

said something, but you said nothing, which tells

me that it was about something.

Linda, just forget it.

Come on, Margaret, I tell you stuff that

happens to me all the time.

I know.

Oh, my God, I just got the weirdest

vibe.

You had a sex dream.

Will you just keep your voice down?

I knew I was right.

Who was it about?

Oh, uh, nobody.

Oh, if it was about nobody, you would

have said somebody, but since you didn't name

anybody...

Linda, just drop it.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, uh, no problem.

Who's up?

Uh, you've got an ulcer in one, and

hemorrhoid in two, and your accountant called.

Oh, I'll start with the most disgusting first.

What's my accountant's number?

It's on your desk.

Wow, while you two were talking, I got

the most powerful vibe.

Oh, all right, Linda.

My dream was about Dr. Becker.

Oh, my vibe was that this spring, Burgundy

would be the new black, but this is

way more interesting.

You had a sex dream about Dr. Becker?

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Margaret, this is bad.

No, it's not bad.

It's not anything.

It was just a dream.

But don't you see?

If you had a dream about Dr. Becker,

that means you have feelings for him, and

if you have feelings for him, you might

act in them, and if you act in

them, the next thing you know, you'll be

having sex with your boss in the donut

shop.

His wife will walk in, call you a

slut, and you'll end up working at some

crappy doctor's office in the Bronx.

Well, you know, hypothetically.

Barry, I know I'm late with the insurance

forms.

I'll get to them as soon as I

can, but now, what about Margaret's raise?

Now, don't tell me I can't afford it.

You know, she's worked for me for a

long time, and she really deserves it.

Besides, she's always telling me how cheap I

am.

So, you know, make it happen.

Make it happen for a little less.

I know a guy signed for it, but

he was a blind guy.

He would have signed a bagel if you

put it in front of him.

Yeah, and this is how sensitive she is

when I'm sitting right here.

Yeah?

Well, screw you.

Hey, well, screw you, too.

I was just trying to help.

Not you.

Yes, you.

Oh, a whole morning of phone calls, and

not only won't they take the keg back,

but they said since I signed for it,

which I didn't, I now have to pay

for it.

Look, Reg, if you want me to pay

for it...

Oh, that would be great.

Okay, but don't say I didn't offer.

Why don't you just sell it, you know,

like a buck a glass?

How about because I don't have a license

to sell alcohol?

You don't have a license to sell rat

hair, but that never stopped you.

Hey, Linda, aren't you supposed to be at

the office?

Well, you're the doctor, and if the doctor's

not in the office, then that's not really

a doctor's office.

It's just a bunch of rooms with a

funny smell.

Hey, that funny smell happens to be Mr.

Davis, and we're working on it.

Hey, Reggie, you're studying psychology.

Let me ask you something.

If someone has a sex dream about someone,

that means that they want to have sex

with that person, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Really?

What else could it mean?

Well, it could have to do with money

or power.

Oh, great.

I'm so relieved.

But more than likely, it means that the

person wants to have sex with the person

they're dreaming about.

Damn, I was afraid of that.

Well, wait a minute.

It could be the other way around.

They could be sensing that the person they're

dreaming about is attracted to them.

Oh, no, that's even worse.

Linda, who are we talking about?

Oh, just a couple of people I work

with.

Nobody you know.

Margaret, you know that smutty dream you had

about Dr. Becker?

It's worse than I thought.

I did not say it was a smutty

dream.

Well, you said it was a sex dream,

so I just assumed.

Oh, Linda, please, forget it.

Too late.

I borrowed Reggie's psychology book, and it's all

right here.

The reason you had that dream is because

you've been picking up signals from Dr. Becker.

There's something between you two that you've never

dealt with.

Linda, that's insane.

No, there's a whole chapter in here on

insane, and that's not in it.

Look, I could go on and on with

a lot of mumbo jumbo, but bottom line,

your subconscious is making a booty call.

Linda, once and for all, just forget it.

Okay, Mr. Lerner, the hospital expects you at

9 a.m. for your colonoscopy.

It's a routine procedure.

They fill you up with drugs, stick a

camera up your butt, and put it on

TV.

Not much different from everything else on TV.

Doctor's office.

Margaret, don't we have those yellow pads?

Uh, you want to change your appointment?

Hold on, let me get my pad.

Uh, how is 2 o'clock Tuesday?

Okay, fine.

Oh, my God.

He was all over you.

Linda, please, just stop it.

Margaret, a lot of men went to a

lot of colleges for a lot of years

to turn a big waste of time into

the science of psychology.

But if you won't believe them, then believe

me.

I know about sexual tension in the workplace.

Need I remind you about the donut shop?

Linda, there's nothing going on here.

Dr. Becker was just reaching for a legal

pad.

Oh, yeah, and that night at the donut

shop, we were just making bear claws.

Are you sure we should be drinking this?

Well, I can't send it back, and I'm

not allowed to sell it.

There's nothing left to do, but close up

early and drink it.

I like the way you think.

Well, Bob's ex-wife isn't backing off this

money thing.

She's bringing out the big guns.

She hired new attorneys?

No, two guys with big guns.

Well, Jake and I decided to tap this

keg.

Maybe a beer will take your mind off

your problems.

Why not?

It's worth a shot, but it won't have

much effect.

I mean, Bob's been drinking since before he

was born.

Back when Mom was pregnant, she was, how

shall I say it, 12 steps short of

a program.

Imagine how much she drank after she saw

him.

Hey, you having another one already?

Careful, Reg.

Beer has a way of sneaking up on

you.

At least it always does on me.

Everything sneaks up on you.

Barry, get off my back about the forms,

will you?

I'll get them to you in the morning.

Yeah.

Now, were you able to juggle things around

so Margaret can get a raise?

Oh, good.

That's perfect.

That's perfect.

You know, Margaret's been wanting this for a

long time.

Now that I've made up my mind, tonight's

the night.

No, no, I don't want her to have

to beg for it.

I mean, I know she wants it, so

I'm gonna give it to her.

Yes, yes, tonight.

Oh, my God.

Dr. Becker, I know I shouldn't have heard

that phone call, but I couldn't help it.

I was eavesdropping.

I honestly can't believe you're gonna do this.

Oh, look, Linda, it's not really any of

your business.

It's between me and Margaret.

But don't you think it's gonna change things

around here?

Well, maybe, but she's been waiting for this

for a long time, and I know it's

something that she wants.

I have to be honest.

I'm very disappointed.

Oh, Linda, wait.

I can understand that you're jealous, but I

promise you, if I can handle it, one

day I'll do the same for you, too.

What?

Well, I can only do one of you

at a time.

I don't want you to do me.

Not ever.

You say that now, but when the time

comes, you'll want it.

Oh, do me a favor, will you?

I want to surprise Margaret.

Oh, she'll be surprised.

Well, good, good.

Now, don't say anything to her.

Believe me, the last thing I want to

do is talk to Margaret about something like

this.

Psst, Margaret, we have to talk.

If this is about my dream again, then

just forget it.

It's not a dream anymore.

It's a reality.

I just talked to Dr. Becker, and he

told me exactly how he feels about you,

and that tonight's the night.

Linda, you must have misunderstood.

No, I didn't.

I'll tell you exactly what he said, and

I quote, I know she wants it, so

I'm going to give it to her.

Linda, this is John Becker we are talking

about.

He never would have said anything like that.

Well, he did, and not only does he

want you, but I think he wants me,

too.

Now I know you're imagining things.

Linda, John and I have been working together

for years.

Why would he do this now?

Well, maybe with the problems you and Lewis

have been having, he figures the door's open.

Margaret, I'm sorry, but I promised Barry that

we'd stay late tonight and do those insurance

forms.

Tonight?

Yeah.

Oh, well, okay.

Uh, Linda, that means that you...

Ashley, you know, Linda, you don't have to

stay.

Margaret and I can do this alone.

What did he say?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, good.

We'll take care of everything tonight.

Oh, uh, I promise, you're next.

Mmm.

How about another round, Reg?

Are you sure?

I'm getting a little wasted here.

Wasted?

Don't be silly.

It seems with each beer I drink, I

get another million-dollar idea.

I'm gonna be rich.

No, we're gonna be rich.

Uh-huh, that's right, partner.

Oh, I just thought of another great invention.

You know how your shirts are all wrinkled

when they come out of the dryer?

Yeah.

Here's what you do.

You get a flat piece of metal, you

heat it up, and you rub it all

over the shirt.

Presto!

No more wrinkles.

Brilliant.

And I know exactly what to call it.

The de-wrinkle-izer.

It's genius.

It's an iron.

It's already been invented.

An iron?

That's the worst name I've ever heard.

Leave this stuff to us.

Hold on, I just thought of one.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

You know how people hate to shovel snow?

Yeah.

You know how people love to drive?

Yeah.

Okay.

How about this?

You take a flat piece of metal, you

put it on the front of your car,

you drive down the street, and it pushes

the snow away.

And I've already got the name for it.

Oh.

The de-snow-er-izer.

I got a better one.

What do you got?

The de-snow-er-izer.

You're right, that is better.

See?

Hello, snowplow.

Hey, don't listen to her.

She's drunk.

I think I got another one.

I got it.

You know how you hate to miss your

favorite TV shows?

Yeah.

And you wish you had a way to

record them for later?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

We get a...

You get a...

You know, you get a...

Flat piece of metal.

Exactly.

You get a flat piece of metal.

And you put a videotape inside.

The TV show record-er-izer.

You read my mind.

Hey, Orville, Wilbur.

I hate to break up flat piece of

metal enterprises, but all of your inventions have

been invented.

Isn't that just like a woman, trying to

tear a man down?

I know, right?

In fact, I'm gonna go call the wallet

-grabbing bitch I used to be married to

and tell her exactly how much money she

ain't getting half of.

Jake, I'm cutting you off.

I think tomorrow you're gonna feel like someone

hit you over the head with a flat

piece of metal.

Jake, time to go home.

Jake.

Jake?

Come on, Tammy, pick it up.

Pick it up, you greedy bitch.

Hello, Tammy?

Yeah, it's Bob.

I miss you so much, baby.

What a couple of lightweights.

And you two thought I would be the

one to get drunk.

Well, let me tell you something.

Oh, no.

Okay, John, I've separated the insurance forms from...

Margaret, before we start, there's something I want

to talk to you about.

There is?

Yeah, yeah, it's something I've been thinking about

for a long time, but...

Oh, man, I wish I were better at

this kind of thing, but I'm not, so

I'm just gonna say it.

John, you know, whatever it is, maybe now

is not the time.

We do have a lot of work.

No, no, no, no, come on, I've been

putting this off long enough.

Tonight's the night.

Tonight's the night?

Yeah, absolutely.

Uh, tonight doesn't have to be the night.

Yes, yes, it does.

Just sit, sit down, come on, sit down.

Now, look, I know you think that I,

uh, don't pay attention to you, but I

do.

I picked up on your little hints.

Hints?

John, I know what you're getting at, and

believe me, I haven't dropped any hints.

Let me reiterate, there have been no hints.

Oh, come on, you want it, and I

want to give it to you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, come on, you know you want it.

You know, I was gonna do it at

the Christmas party, but the timing just didn't

sit right.

Not to mention the fact that my husband

was there.

Oh, you know, I wish he were here

now.

I'd love to see the look on his

face.

Yes.

Let me just say one more thing.

I wish you were bigger, but, uh...

I know you're gonna wish you were bigger,

but I think you just...

John, John, I am not having sex with

you.

What the hell are you talking about?

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about giving you a raise.

A raise?

Yeah, a raise, you know, a bigger paycheck.

Well, why didn't you say that?

I was saying that.

What makes you think that I want to

have sex with you?

Oh, uh, a little bird told me.

A stupid little bird.

What did Linda say?

Oh, I made the mistake of telling her

about a dream I had where you and

I were...

Well, you know, it was one of those

dreams, and, uh...

Well, she just ran with it.

You had one of those dreams about me?

Yeah.

Oh, it's kind of funny,

isn't it?

Yeah.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard.

No!

No, I'm still laughing, and you're not.

What just happened?

Well, it's not that idiotic.

Well, yeah, sure it is.

I mean, because, you know, you're you, and

I'm me, and, you know...

John.

John.

Just forget it.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

What just happened here?

Well, John, it's not that easy for a

woman to hear a man laugh at the

mere thought of being attracted to her.

Oh, come on.

You know how I feel about you.

Come on, you and I are, I mean,

like, we go way back, you know...

I feel so strong...

How's Lewis doing anyway?

Is he...

John, you can stop talking now.

Oh, this is not fair.

That's not fair.

You know, I come in here to do

something nice, and all of a sudden, I'm

in trouble.

No.

No, you're not in trouble.

It's, um...

It's just that I'm...

I'm not feeling that great about myself these

days.

Oh, sis.

We're talking about feelings, aren't we?

I'm sorry.

No, it's fine.

You know, with...

With all that's going on with Lewis, and...

And then this stupid dream.

I mean, what's that about?

Oh, come...

You know, I put analyzing dreams right up

there with tarot cards and fortune cookies, but...

You know, if your dream meant anything, maybe

it's just that...

You know, you were looking for someone in

your life who you could lean on.

If that was me, that's okay.

Thank you, John.

Oh.

Oh, and thank you for the raise.

Oh, my God!