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Previously on Mom...
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I just found out my teenage
daughter is pregnant.
3
00:00:04,069 --> 00:00:05,876
Really? Wow.
4
00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:10,384
She's not a cheerleader
with an overbite, is she?
5
00:00:11,184 --> 00:00:15,070
- No, why?
- No reason.
6
00:00:16,306 --> 00:00:19,941
I love you and
I'm gonna love your baby.
7
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:25,781
- It's our baby.
- What?
8
00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:30,168
I'm sorry, I got a lot on my mind.
9
00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:34,423
Well, I'm a good listener.
A penny for your thoughts?
10
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,993
Okay, fine. How's this?
11
00:00:37,995 --> 00:00:41,079
I'm working my ass off
so I can take care of my children,
12
00:00:41,081 --> 00:00:43,131
I just found out I'm gonna
be a freaking grandma,
13
00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:44,449
and the man that I'm sleeping with
14
00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:46,301
only has time for me when
his wife is out of town,
15
00:00:46,303 --> 00:00:48,503
and I desperately want
to run away from it all
16
00:00:48,505 --> 00:00:50,088
with a bottle of this, but I can't
17
00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:51,723
because my name is Christy
and I'm an alcoholic.
18
00:00:51,725 --> 00:00:54,926
Hola, Christy.
19
00:00:57,881 --> 00:00:59,398
Are we ready to order?
20
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,601
- Yeah, I think so. Sis?
- You go first.
21
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,686
Thanks for putting me on the spot.
22
00:01:04,688 --> 00:01:07,972
My sister does this to me all the time.
23
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,911
- Okay.
- Family, huh?
24
00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:14,363
- Yep.
- Yeah.
25
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,581
Okay, let's see.
I would like the scallop risotto
26
00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:20,393
since I am not allergic to shellfish,
unlike my sister.
27
00:01:21,804 --> 00:01:23,772
Idiot.
28
00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,991
- Good choice.
- Thanks, yeah.
29
00:01:26,993 --> 00:01:30,011
We're celebrating her divorce.
Now we're both single.
30
00:01:30,619 --> 00:01:32,581
Oh, that's nice.
31
00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:35,767
I hope my son and daughter
can be there for each other
32
00:01:35,769 --> 00:01:37,919
when their spouses
inevitably turn on them.
33
00:01:39,103 --> 00:01:41,223
Oh, you have children.
I love children.
34
00:01:41,225 --> 00:01:43,208
I-I believe they're our future.
35
00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:46,044
So, how about you?
36
00:01:46,046 --> 00:01:47,879
Do, do you have
a spouse who turned on you?
37
00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:49,481
Oh, yeah, lot of hard feelings.
38
00:01:49,483 --> 00:01:52,150
- Ah, terrific.
- Wow.
39
00:01:53,286 --> 00:01:54,936
Can I grab you for just a sec?
40
00:01:56,469 --> 00:01:58,028
I'll be right back.
41
00:01:58,063 --> 00:02:01,157
He probably needs me to open up
a jar of pickles or something.
42
00:02:01,158 --> 00:02:02,020
Ooh.
43
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,011
Okay, well, bye.
44
00:02:05,515 --> 00:02:09,334
- Was that guy hitting on you?
- Yeah, he absolutely was.
45
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:12,270
Thought so.
I'll ask Richard to take the table.
46
00:02:12,272 --> 00:02:14,890
- Why?
- I don't want him bothering you.
47
00:02:14,892 --> 00:02:17,225
He's not.
Is he bothering you?
48
00:02:17,227 --> 00:02:21,230
No, I'm just protective of you
'cause you and I have,
49
00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:24,533
you know, something special going on.
50
00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:26,034
Yeah, it's called adultery.
51
00:02:28,621 --> 00:02:30,989
Why do you make it
sound so cheap and ugly?
52
00:02:31,991 --> 00:02:33,358
Oh, I'm sorry.
53
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,194
Unicorns, rainbows,
you're cheating on your wife.
54
00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:42,200
I told you they were doing it.
55
00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:47,007
And another thing...
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00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,758
you have no right to tell me
who I can and cannot see.
57
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,032
What are you saying?
We're not monogamous?
58
00:02:53,846 --> 00:02:57,232
- Gabriel, you're married.
- We do it once a month,
59
00:02:57,234 --> 00:03:00,235
and I don't even take off my T-shirt.
60
00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,390
Let me make it simple for you.
61
00:03:05,392 --> 00:03:09,110
All of this stuff here is in play.
62
00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:26,179
Oh, that's good thinking.
Uh, Gabriel,
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00:03:26,214 --> 00:03:28,133
Paul and I would like
you to give us money
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00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:31,300
not to tell your wife
you're banging Christy.
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00:03:33,386 --> 00:03:36,021
A lot of money.
66
00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,741
Hey, sis, look who's back.
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00:03:39,743 --> 00:03:43,061
Give it a rest.
So, what's the deal with your brother?
68
00:03:43,063 --> 00:03:45,430
Good guy, whack job?
Give it to me straight.
69
00:03:45,432 --> 00:03:47,399
I'm a single mom and I
don't have a lot of time.
70
00:03:48,951 --> 00:03:49,985
He's amazing.
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00:03:49,987 --> 00:03:54,270
I'd go out with him, you know,
if it didn't make us hillbillies.
72
00:03:55,925 --> 00:03:59,628
All right. I'll write my
phone number on the check.
73
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:00,945
Hold on a second.
74
00:04:00,947 --> 00:04:03,281
What makes you think I was
even trying to ask you out?
75
00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,885
You weren't?
76
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:09,988
Oh, uh, this is, this is awkward.
Let me get you a new server.
77
00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:12,240
Wait, now,
I was just trying to be cool!
78
00:04:16,095 --> 00:04:18,313
Mission accomplished!
79
00:04:21,107 --> 00:04:23,977
1x03 - A Small Nervous Meltdown
and a Misplaced Fork
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sync by YesCool, corr. by f1nc0
- - Addic7ed.com - -
81
00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,789
This is a cute top.
82
00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:40,426
Oh, that's actually a party
dress from my drinking days.
83
00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:43,279
Wow.
Were you drinking when you bought it?
84
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,817
I hope so.
Anyway, it doesn't matter,
85
00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,285
I'm not that kind of girl anymore.
86
00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:53,089
Hello. What kind of girl
were you when you wore this?
87
00:04:54,941 --> 00:04:56,158
Popular.
88
00:04:57,127 --> 00:05:00,780
Oh, my God, I hate
everything in my closet!
89
00:05:00,782 --> 00:05:04,984
It all looks like
Halloween in Slutsylvania.
90
00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:08,153
Calm down, we'll find something.
91
00:05:08,155 --> 00:05:10,773
Okay, so tell me about this guy tonight.
92
00:05:10,775 --> 00:05:12,208
I don't know.
93
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:16,462
Cute, kind of boyish...
pretty normal really.
94
00:05:16,464 --> 00:05:19,732
You just described every serial killer.
95
00:05:19,734 --> 00:05:23,953
No! He loves his sister,
which I take as a good sign.
96
00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:26,839
Boing, my gay-dar just went off.
97
00:05:26,841 --> 00:05:29,792
He's not gay.
He puts ketchup on his steak.
98
00:05:29,794 --> 00:05:32,778
I don't get
what you're so jittery about.
99
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:35,781
- You know how to do this.
- I know how to do this drunk.
100
00:05:35,783 --> 00:05:38,367
Come on, you've been dating
your boss since you got sober.
101
00:05:38,369 --> 00:05:41,370
You can't call what we do dating.
102
00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:45,238
It's just sex in uncomfortable places.
103
00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:50,045
- I hope you mean broom closets.
- Yes.
104
00:05:50,047 --> 00:05:52,381
Oh, Mom, God!
105
00:05:56,353 --> 00:05:59,538
The point is, Gabriel's married,
so there's no future with him.
106
00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:01,507
But this guy tonight, who knows?
107
00:06:01,509 --> 00:06:05,311
We could wind up with
a little house, picket fence,
108
00:06:05,313 --> 00:06:07,730
missionary sex twice a week.
109
00:06:08,682 --> 00:06:10,349
You know, I had sex
with a missionary once
110
00:06:10,351 --> 00:06:13,702
and oddly he was not
a fan of that position.
111
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,388
Thank you for that image.
112
00:06:17,657 --> 00:06:20,159
I'm just worried that if he
finds out the kind of person
113
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:22,611
- I was, he won't like me.
- Oh, honey.
114
00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:24,864
- I know, it's silly.
- It's not silly...
115
00:06:24,866 --> 00:06:27,683
you should definitely
lie about your past.
116
00:06:27,685 --> 00:06:29,618
- What?
- Yeah, sometimes I like
117
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:31,487
to tell guys I'm Carole Anne Stevenson
118
00:06:31,489 --> 00:06:33,739
from Albuquerque, New Mexico.
119
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:37,293
- You're kidding.
- Nope, Carole's a schoolteacher
120
00:06:37,295 --> 00:06:40,045
like her mother and her Aunt Judy.
She loves baking and gardening
121
00:06:40,047 --> 00:06:43,054
and volunteering down
at the homeless shelter.
122
00:06:43,884 --> 00:06:46,719
Now tell me about this.
123
00:06:49,589 --> 00:06:51,813
That's actually yours.
124
00:06:54,928 --> 00:06:57,262
Are you taking the prenatal
vitamins we got you?
125
00:06:57,264 --> 00:06:58,263
Uh-huh.
126
00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:00,749
- Did you stop smoking pot and drinking?
- Of course.
127
00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:04,119
Don't bite my head off.
Not everybody does.
128
00:07:06,908 --> 00:07:09,542
Thanks for looking after Roscoe tonight.
129
00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:13,245
Yeah, whatever.
You're really wearing that on a date?
130
00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:16,615
What's wrong with it?
131
00:07:16,617 --> 00:07:19,451
You look like a slutty highlighter.
132
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,121
You know what?
133
00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:26,091
I think I look great,
and that's all that matters.
134
00:07:27,077 --> 00:07:27,910
Where are you going?
135
00:07:27,912 --> 00:07:30,729
Where do you think?
To change!
136
00:07:32,432 --> 00:07:35,267
- Why are you being such a bitch?
- I'm just being honest.
137
00:07:35,269 --> 00:07:38,237
Good, I'll be honest, too.
You're being a bitch.
138
00:07:39,089 --> 00:07:41,899
And I use that word instead
of the word I want to use
139
00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:44,894
because you're my
granddaughter and I love you.
140
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,829
What, so I'm supposed
to make a big deal
141
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,431
just because she's going
out with some random guy?
142
00:07:49,433 --> 00:07:51,567
Excuse me, young lady,
but your mother going out
143
00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:54,954
with some random guy is
the only reason you exist.
144
00:07:56,706 --> 00:07:57,773
And I'll tell you
another thing...
145
00:07:57,775 --> 00:08:00,342
if she doesn't meet somebody,
she's going to turn into one of those
146
00:08:00,344 --> 00:08:03,012
crazy old ladies with 20 cats
who lives with their daughter.
147
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:04,463
You're going to be chasing
her down the street,
148
00:08:04,465 --> 00:08:06,682
trying to pin her robe shut.
149
00:08:10,004 --> 00:08:12,821
- Better?
- Ugh.
150
00:08:13,223 --> 00:08:14,807
Damn it.
151
00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:18,594
- Mom, wait.
- What?
152
00:08:18,596 --> 00:08:20,980
Why don't you try on that
black dress in my closet?
153
00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:25,200
- I think it'll look cute on you.
- Thank you.
154
00:08:25,202 --> 00:08:29,872
Well, look at you being a nice person.
I'll tell you what.
155
00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:32,041
As a reward, why don't you
go out with Luke tonight
156
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,359
- and I'll watch Roscoe?
- You don't have plans?
157
00:08:34,361 --> 00:08:36,282
Nah, at my age, when you've
had sex in the afternoon,
158
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,127
you're good for the whole day.
159
00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:50,809
If our waitress is cute,
160
00:08:50,811 --> 00:08:52,745
it's totally okay to say
I'm your sister.
161
00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:58,550
No, I'm good.
Have you ever eaten here before?
162
00:08:58,552 --> 00:09:00,986
No, I haven't.
163
00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:03,038
- How about you?
- No.
164
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,774
Ah, look at us.
We already have something in common.
165
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,393
Yeah.
166
00:09:08,395 --> 00:09:12,665
- So, what do you do?
- Oh, yeah, I'm, I'm a civil engineer.
167
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,084
- Wow!
- Yeah.
168
00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:19,071
I have no idea why I said wow
'cause I don't know what that is.
169
00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:22,374
Oh, okay, uh,
well, today, for instance,
170
00:09:22,376 --> 00:09:24,293
the city decided that it
needed a new stoplight,
171
00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:26,595
so it's my job to go
over all the contracts
172
00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:30,015
with the stoplight manufacturers
and just get the best price...
173
00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:33,535
for the s-stoplight.
174
00:09:35,388 --> 00:09:38,607
That sounds crazy.
175
00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:43,395
- No, it's pretty boring.
- No, no, no, it's not.
176
00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:46,315
From now on, every time
I stop at a red light,
177
00:09:46,317 --> 00:09:50,119
- I'll think of you.
- Oh, so th-that'll be often.
178
00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:53,271
Not really, I tend to just
blow right through 'em.
179
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,159
Good evening, folks.
180
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,328
Can I start you off with
a cocktail or some wine?
181
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:02,698
- Yes, would you like a drink?
- No, thank you.
182
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:03,916
Ah, come on, live a little.
183
00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:07,086
Oh, you can live a
little for both of us.
184
00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:09,621
No, don't be silly.
Glass of wine never hurt anyone.
185
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:12,091
Oh, boy.
186
00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:14,426
I don't drink...
187
00:10:14,428 --> 00:10:16,512
not because I don't want to
but because I can't.
188
00:10:16,514 --> 00:10:18,480
It wrecked my life, it
destroyed my relationships,
189
00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:19,898
and I'm still picking up the pieces,
190
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,800
but if you want a glass of wine,
you go right ahead.
191
00:10:21,802 --> 00:10:24,820
Won't bother me at all.
I'm his sister.
192
00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:29,800
So once I finally quit
drinking, I had all
193
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:32,018
these feelings come
up, and I didn't know
194
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:34,037
how to deal with them,
so I started eating.
195
00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:35,572
Every night after work I'd come home,
196
00:10:35,574 --> 00:10:38,558
I'd take a bag of
salt-and-vinegar potato chips,
197
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,527
I'd hit it with a book
so it was just crumbs,
198
00:10:40,529 --> 00:10:42,646
and I'd mix it with
a pint of vanilla ice cream.
199
00:10:42,648 --> 00:10:44,281
I gained 18 pounds in, like, a month.
200
00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:46,700
Then in the middle of the night,
I woke up and I thought
201
00:10:46,702 --> 00:10:48,434
I had a cat on my lap...
looked down
202
00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:51,121
turns out it was my own stomach.
203
00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:58,912
I don't think I can do this.
204
00:11:05,052 --> 00:11:08,344
It's our first date. So...
205
00:11:11,459 --> 00:11:14,327
Okay, you've got an
eight, and I give you...
206
00:11:14,329 --> 00:11:16,463
a seven...
how many is that?
207
00:11:16,465 --> 00:11:18,965
- Fifteen.
- Very good.
208
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:22,302
Now, the house is showing a face card.
209
00:11:23,788 --> 00:11:26,323
- And you're the house.
- Yes, I am.
210
00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:28,474
How much you want to bet?
211
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:33,497
- All of it.
- On a 15. Interesting.
212
00:11:35,082 --> 00:11:37,651
Ooh! Another eight.
How many is that?
213
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,703
Twenty-three?
214
00:11:39,705 --> 00:11:42,589
- But the name of the game is...?
- "Twenty-One."
215
00:11:42,591 --> 00:11:45,242
Exactly.
216
00:11:45,244 --> 00:11:47,611
Thanks for watching Roscoe.
217
00:11:47,613 --> 00:11:50,147
- We'll see you later.
- Hey, hang on.
218
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:57,187
You listen to me, teen Jesus...
219
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:05,107
I want my granddaughter back by
11:00 with her hymen intact.
220
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,010
What?!
221
00:12:06,011 --> 00:12:08,615
I'm just screwing with you.
222
00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:11,517
You already knocked her up;
do whatever you want.
223
00:12:12,853 --> 00:12:17,374
I know that was supposed to be funny,
but I peed myself a little.
224
00:12:19,977 --> 00:12:23,463
Sorry, sir, only players at the table.
225
00:12:23,465 --> 00:12:27,200
- I want to play more Blackjack.
- Okay. Ante up.
226
00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,535
I can't.
I don't have any more money.
227
00:12:29,537 --> 00:12:34,257
No money?
Or no money on you?
228
00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:36,343
I have some in my piggy bank.
229
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:40,213
Well, it's not doing you
any good in there, is it?
230
00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:43,149
Be right back.
231
00:12:44,769 --> 00:12:48,054
Wait'll I teach him how to play Pai Gow.
232
00:12:51,609 --> 00:12:54,894
Oh, God, I'm gonna die alone.
233
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,902
Please let it be now.
234
00:13:01,904 --> 00:13:03,253
Open the door.
235
00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:07,090
Damn it!
236
00:13:10,428 --> 00:13:12,429
Hey.
Hope you're hungry, 'cause I...
237
00:13:12,431 --> 00:13:15,382
- brought us dinner.
- What? How?
238
00:13:15,384 --> 00:13:16,933
As I was chasing you
out of the restaurant,
239
00:13:16,935 --> 00:13:18,935
- I bought a guy's to-go order.
- Really?
240
00:13:18,937 --> 00:13:22,055
- Yeah.
- That's so adorable.
241
00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:24,211
And/or... desperate.
242
00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:29,362
Well, let's go with adorable.
'Cause I really want you to like me.
243
00:13:29,364 --> 00:13:31,597
Okay, let's see
what we're having for dinner.
244
00:13:31,599 --> 00:13:33,450
This looks like some kind of chicken.
245
00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:37,437
- Ooh, I love some kind of chicken.
- Yeah? Okay, okay.
246
00:13:37,439 --> 00:13:41,324
And I have a pasta...
looks like, uh, Bolognese.
247
00:13:41,326 --> 00:13:42,542
Ooh, I like that, too!
248
00:13:42,544 --> 00:13:45,745
- You want to switch?
- No, no, no.
249
00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:48,614
- Well, yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.
250
00:13:48,616 --> 00:13:52,869
Wow.
Uh-oh, no, there are no utensils.
251
00:13:52,871 --> 00:13:56,056
Oh.
Check the glove compartment.
252
00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:58,308
I eat in my car a lot.
253
00:14:01,045 --> 00:14:03,629
Ooh.
Fancy.
254
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:10,854
Okay, time for bed.
I'll tell you what, just to show you
255
00:14:10,856 --> 00:14:15,825
how much we appreciate your business,
we're gonna comp your room.
256
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:19,446
- Come on, just one more game.
- Well, sorry, buddy, but you're broke.
257
00:14:19,448 --> 00:14:22,815
Well, um, how about
if you lend me five dollars
258
00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:25,151
and I'll pay you back when I win?
259
00:14:25,153 --> 00:14:30,123
Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna grow
up and make some nice lady so sad.
260
00:14:33,428 --> 00:14:37,514
- How about if I sell you my iPod?
- That might work.
261
00:14:38,349 --> 00:14:41,051
- Hey.
- What can I do for you, Baxter?
262
00:14:41,053 --> 00:14:44,754
- Just came to see my kid.
- Hey, Dad, can you lend me some money?
263
00:14:45,873 --> 00:14:49,842
That's so weird... I was
gonna ask you the same thing.
264
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,197
I'm gonna hang with you guys for a bit.
265
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:59,319
- Here's a question for you.
- Shoot.
266
00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,788
What's wrong with you
that you would chase a crazy lady
267
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:04,207
out of a restaurant with
a bag of someone else's food?
268
00:15:04,209 --> 00:15:07,761
Why does something have to be
wrong with me for me to like you?
269
00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:10,330
Nice try. Answer the question.
270
00:15:10,332 --> 00:15:12,632
No, seriously, I thought we
really made a connection in there.
271
00:15:12,634 --> 00:15:14,471
Answer the question.
272
00:15:14,886 --> 00:15:17,053
Okay, uh...
273
00:15:17,055 --> 00:15:20,140
well, I did just get
out of a relationship.
274
00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:23,209
That's what I'm talking about.
Tell me about it.
275
00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:28,264
She-she was very nice. Sweet.
No drama. Um...
276
00:15:28,266 --> 00:15:31,117
Her name wasn't Carol
Anne Stevenson, was it?
277
00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:34,521
- Yeah, why?
- No reason. Continue.
278
00:15:34,523 --> 00:15:37,691
Anyway, uh, she was great,
but in all the time we were
279
00:15:37,692 --> 00:15:40,860
together, she never once
told me how she was feeling.
280
00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:44,063
Whereas you, literally,
can't stop telling me.
281
00:15:44,065 --> 00:15:46,416
I'm-I'm sorry. I feel terrible.
282
00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:49,753
- See? You just did it again.
- Okay, but in my defense,
283
00:15:49,755 --> 00:15:52,555
- I am emotionally all over the place.
- Oh, wow!
284
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,591
- There it is again.
- And I am dealing
285
00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:55,908
with a number of personal crises
286
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,544
which you really don't
need to know about,
287
00:15:57,546 --> 00:15:59,245
but I feel like I'm
gonna tell you anyway.
288
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:01,814
What is wrong with me?
Why can't I stop talking?
289
00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:07,470
Well, that shut me up.
290
00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:17,781
- Nice.
- Yeah. Now what?
291
00:16:18,732 --> 00:16:24,471
- Now you get out of my car.
- Why? I love it in here.
292
00:16:26,106 --> 00:16:29,793
I'm sorry.
This is good, you're good,
293
00:16:29,795 --> 00:16:33,163
but I am clearly not
ready to start dating.
294
00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:36,082
I wish I could disagree.
295
00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:42,138
But I want you to know that when I am...
you are at the top of my list.
296
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:46,009
And the list isn't very long.
In fact, it's just you.
297
00:16:46,011 --> 00:16:47,960
Great.
298
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:56,152
You're not as crazy
as you think you are.
299
00:16:57,738 --> 00:17:00,323
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
300
00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,644
Run.
301
00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:08,865
What do you want to
do with that soft 19?
302
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:12,619
- I'll hold.
- Hold? What's that?
303
00:17:13,571 --> 00:17:16,663
It means you have
a number you like,
304
00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,775
and you're not gonna
take any more cards.
305
00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:25,197
You can hold?
306
00:17:27,017 --> 00:17:29,219
I'll get it.
307
00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,837
I was never here!
308
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:34,707
You can hold?!
309
00:17:36,894 --> 00:17:40,547
- Oh. Hi, is-is Christy here?
- Who might be asking?
310
00:17:40,549 --> 00:17:43,850
- Um, I work with her.
- Oh. You must be her boss.
311
00:17:43,852 --> 00:17:46,085
- I am.
- You leave your wife yet?
312
00:17:48,622 --> 00:17:51,824
- No.
- Then I have no choice but to inform you
313
00:17:51,826 --> 00:17:54,043
that she is out on a date
with a wealthy, educated,
314
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:57,247
eligible bachelor who's got
a cannon between his legs.
315
00:18:00,301 --> 00:18:03,386
So her mom's not a fan.
316
00:18:03,388 --> 00:18:06,339
..by focusing on the positive,
317
00:18:06,341 --> 00:18:09,676
I attract only the best into my life.
318
00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:13,846
By focusing on the positive...
319
00:18:13,848 --> 00:18:17,233
Oh, my God!
320
00:18:20,053 --> 00:18:21,482
Are you okay?
321
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:24,340
- Uh, I think you broke my foot.
- Oh...
322
00:18:24,342 --> 00:18:27,568
- And maybe my nose.
- Oh! Sorry, sorry.
323
00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:28,227
Okay, don't-don't move.
324
00:18:28,229 --> 00:18:30,780
- I'm gonna call an ambulance.
- No, wait!
325
00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:32,699
My wife can't know I was here.
326
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,202
Okay, well, um, let's
get you in the car,
327
00:18:36,204 --> 00:18:38,421
and I'll take you to the emergency room.
328
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:43,710
Ow! Ow! Careful.
Careful.
329
00:18:43,712 --> 00:18:49,098
- It... it, uh, hurts pretty bad, huh?
- It's awful.
330
00:18:50,134 --> 00:18:54,420
Well, then this probably isn't
a great time to say this, but...
331
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:57,106
um, I don't think we should
see each other anymore.
332
00:18:57,108 --> 00:19:00,109
Wait, you're breaking up with me?
333
00:19:01,094 --> 00:19:04,364
- Why?!
- Well, uh...
334
00:19:04,366 --> 00:19:07,584
I found out something
about myself tonight.
335
00:19:07,586 --> 00:19:11,437
Um...
I deserve to be in a relationship
336
00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:15,487
with a man who...
I can hit with my car and...
337
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,126
you know...
338
00:19:17,128 --> 00:19:19,912
not feel like I did something wrong.
339
00:19:22,299 --> 00:19:27,003
Okay, uh...
I'm not sure what that means, but...
340
00:19:27,005 --> 00:19:28,421
What?!
341
00:19:28,423 --> 00:19:32,275
- What?
- There's a fork in ass!
342
00:19:38,581 --> 00:19:41,751
- Knocky-knocky.
- Hi.
343
00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:46,073
- How's your little boss?
- Oh, I broke his leg and his nose.
344
00:19:46,075 --> 00:19:48,375
Admit it, it felt
pretty good, didn't it?
345
00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:50,677
No! No, no, no.
346
00:19:52,331 --> 00:19:54,031
A little bit.
347
00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:58,952
- I got you a gift.
- Thanks. What's the occasion?
348
00:19:58,954 --> 00:20:01,738
Well, I know you don't feel
ready to date for a while.
349
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:04,141
I thought this might put
a little spring in your step.
350
00:20:04,143 --> 00:20:05,909
What is it?
351
00:20:16,144 --> 00:20:18,464
Thank you.
352
00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:23,367
- Do you mind finishing the dishes?
- My pleasure.
353
00:20:23,853 --> 00:20:26,296
I am such a good mother.
354
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:31,311
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