Original subtitles

The insomnia comes back.

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In my last dream I walked into a dark forest,

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

so dark that I couldn't even see my fingers.

But I could hear a delicate sound of trees

while the breeze travelled in between the leaves.

Suddenly in the darkness appeared a soft silver light.

The light was weak

although it gave the trees a glowing halo.

From the silver light,

a blurry figure stretched out its long fingers to summon me.

When I started to walk towards it,

it hid itself in the silver light

and floated away into the darkness.

I started to chase the light,

ran and ran...

and I never stopped.

- Son, I've got news for you.

A comrade of your father's friend has a daughter.

She recently graduated in the UK,

then she came back to China and found a job in Shanghai.

Her father wants to introduce her to you.

When you arrive at Shanghai after graduation,

you two can meet.

Her father will arrange a date for you two.

It's a good match, we are friends with her parents.

His daughter is pretty, with big eyes. Looks cute!

How can I have a girlfriend? I don't even have a job.

I don't know where to settle down.

How can I have a girlfriend?

- Come back!

Come back to China and find a job here.

This year after you graduate, you come back first.

Your father sent you some job posts, did you read them?

One province is hiring millions of new employees.

I watched on TV, it's very hard to find a job in Europe,

we Chinese have so many job offers,

like in this province I mentioned,

specially for people like you, who went to college overseas.

You should come back and find a job here.

Wherever it pays better, you will settle there.

Settled, pay the first mortgage for a house,

afterwards, buy a house, find a girlfriend.

You have to get married before you are 30 years old!

Come back as soon as possible!

Come back and find a girlfriend to marry as soon as possible!

I'm getting old, it won't be easy to raise a grandson!

Come back and find a girlfriend to marry,

give birth to my grandson, so I can raise my grandson after I am retired.

- Just a beer?

Yeah, thank you! I'll wait for it here.

He's here, already?

Is he here already?

Oh yeah, okay.

Would you like to pay now or later? Now.

Now? Yeah. How much?

715 for the beer.

Cheers. Thank you.

Shit.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I didn't see you. I came from the other side, through another door.

Ok.

Let's smoke a cigarette? Yeah.

- So, what is the difference?

The difference?

Okay, so...

I am from China and...

I dated the first man from... when I was...

twenty.

Now, I am twenty six

and you know in China it is never 'open'

and then I have a boyfriend in China,

and we are together, very nice!

But we are never open.

So, when I came to Europe,

I was thinking, maybe I can be open in Europe

because here everybody, nobody cares.

And then...

- It could be much easier.

It was like one of the first times when I see the drag performance, in Greece.

I was very...

like, surprised. - In Greece?

Yeah! in Greece.

I went there for vacation with my boyfriend in Mykonos.

and then I remember very clearly there was a man singing some song

and when there is a lyric saying that he wants to cry

There are two water pipes here, and then the water like...

- So it was funny? It was very funny, yes.

And then...

I think my journey in Europe maybe will finish by summer.

So, which means if I go back to China maybe I will be, you know, like before.

So, I really want to...

How do you say it? Like, liberate myself.

And I like the performance

but I always wonder, like, how do you do it?

That's why I came up with this idea to find the...

like the best, one of the best drag performer in Budapest, while I am here.

I want to learn to perform.

But I don't know if I can.

So do you think if I want to perform ...and then,

Can you be my master?

- Your master?

Ah! No.

For sure, not.

I just can tell you a few things.

But in order to perform,

basically, it must come from inside.

You would like to express something,

you would like to make people laugh or something,

or cry,

or anything.

Or you just like to express yourself.

That's more important.

Than to hear someone, who says do that or do that.

No, you do it yourself and maybe I can tell you my opinion about it.

Maybe, I can tell if it would be more impressive if you do that or that...

but basically, it has to come from inside.

Okay.

- Can you walk slower?

I can't keep up with you.

We are walking in the street like strangers.

I know. That's good.

So no one will think other things about us then.

Why is that so important?

We don't know anyone in the street.

Who cares about what they think?

I do.

I don't want Chinese people to think of me being gay.

Why not?

I don't want them to point at me and say,

look at that Chinese boy,

he's probably gay with that foreigner boyfriend.

I will feel very stressed and not comfortable,

just thinking of them saying this,

behind our back.

Okay, okay... but look!

Even Hugo can't keep up with your pace!

Okay, I'll try.

Hello?

- I can hear you.

Okay. Now I can hear you.

Why couldn't I hear you before?

I don't know.

How are you?

Happy birthday to you...

stop the noise!

Happy birthday to you...

Thank you.

Make a wish.

I wish you come back to me soon.

Okay, blow the candle.

How are you?

Not very good.

Have you found anything good?

No, no jobs.

I don't know baby... - It's really hard.

Yes!

I think I sent twenty jobs forms,

and I got four of them saying no.

And then the others I haven't even heard from them.

Hugo, look!

Look, who's there?

Hugo!

Hugo, look, who's there?

Did you ask for your holiday?

I'm going to find out this week.

Did you check any jobs?

I've been checking jobs throughout.

I've been talking to people.

I've even spoke to one headhunter...

for international job placement...

The things are really bad.

There's hardly anything to do.

People are shutting down their factories and work.

I don't know what is going to happen.

The fashion scene is like really bad... really, really bad.

I'm just trying to hold on to whatever I have right now.

Because so far the things are

I mean, I don't know how long I'm gonna stay here

the way this company is going, you know?

The work is really, really bad. Really bad.

That's the situation.

I also can't find any jobs.

So, they said no or no reply.

Remember I told you that old...

very old colleague of mine,

he has decided to leave...

Hugo stop it!

And now she's fired one more person.

Oh!

So, by the end of it after...

after summer holiday,

and she's only hiring one more person.

So anyways she's like

she's telling me that

Hugo for God sake!

I can't take this anymore!

Every day is the same fucking thing!

Stop it!

He's very annoying in all, these days.

He doesn't let me sit for one second.

The minute I sit down, he starts growling,

he wants a ball,

he was barking at the door,

he's driving me insane.

I can't sit for one second.

Today is Sunday,

he wanted to go out at five o'clock in the morning.

He woke me up.

Growling, barking... early morning.

It's very difficult.

I don't get a minute for myself to rest, you know.

I was actually last week I was so tired and

so like... you know,

I was just thinking maybe I can just give Hugo away,

find someone who can take care of him like that...

because I can't take care of him anymore by myself.

Like I was up to that level of...

of feeling...

you know, stressed.

But, of course I can't give him away...

he's my baby.

Our baby.

Did you miss me?

I miss you all the time.

Yeah?

All the time.

I miss you so much. I feel very lonely...

Me too. Here all by myself.

I have no job...

Hugo is so difficult now...

I have to wake up like, five o'clock in the morning

and I have to go to work, and the work is madness these days.

I don't sleep well.

He already had his food

and now is waiting for me to open my food

so he can start begging for more.

I'm going to show you.

Yeah.

This is what he does..

He doesn't leave me for one second.

Hugo? Not one second.

Did he gain weight?

What do you think?

I think a bit.

How heavy is he now?

I think it's the same. Yeah?

I've been weighing him for a long time.

Asim, I finally got an email from the school!

They've accepted me for the study in Europe!

That's... great!

What should I do? If I go...

we will be separate for two years.

Go for it!

You've been dreaming about this for a long time,

haven't you?

Don't worry about me.

But...

Maybe you can try to have a new lifestyle over there.

What do you mean?

You come from a small town with a traditional family.

And I'm even worse.

We will never, probably never,

be open gay.

But this is a very good chance for you,

to try to live life as open gay in Europe.

Nobody cares there.

I probably will never have the chance to experience,

but now you do.

Maybe I will and in the end,

We will move to Europe together and get married there!

Then we can be an open couple there.

Well, firstly,

you have to be rich and famous,

so that you can buy me a big, big diamond ring!

Not a problem. I will!

How would you feel if we are together in Spain?

- I would love it.

What? I can't hear you. What is this?

I said I would love it.

I'm making Hugo's food.

Before I was thinking after graduation,

I would get a job and then you will come.

And then we can have a wedding in Europe,

and then the classmates can come.

Now I'm stuck on the first step.

I was thinking I want you to do some research.

You are young right now and...

I want you to check and apply for...

Austri-lian immigration.

Austri-lia?

Yes.

Austri-lia or Austria?

Austri-lia.

Okay.

Immigration to Austri-lia.

I want you to check it.

Because I was reading up on it...

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

So I was reading up on it and...

although it takes a little while but if you apply now,

there is chance that you can get the immigration.

And if it happens, then you know, we can kind of somehow do this together.

We can move together because then... we can...

I can be your spouse and we can move together.

What did you say?

I could be your spouse and we can move together.

What is 'spouse'?

'Spouse' is a husband.

Yeah?

Yeah!

Finally?

What do you mean finally?

You start applying. There's no 'finally'.

This is only for paperwork, so that we can move together.

Okay, I'll check. But I want to be Chinese,

I don't want to be Australian.

You can hold two passports if you wish.

Yeah okay, I'll check.

But, the thing is...

what do you mean you want to be Chinese?

Forget about being Chinese!

We have to be together!

Yea, but...

We have to live together!

Yes, but at the same time I'm Chinese.

Fuck your Chinese! Fuck you Chinese!

You are nothing! You are going to...

we are going to live together wherever we can.

Yeah, yeah.

You have to do this.

I checked and I can't really fit into a lot of categories.

So, the only way we can do this, it's because you can.

I think you have more chances of applying.

And then we can move together.

Once you move there, you can...

you have to get a job,

or you have to study or something like that.

You have to live there for 3 or 4 years, completely.

Of course you can leave and come back, like holidays.

But then, if you live for a certain period of time over there,

basically you get the passport

and normally you get the passport and you also get,

like... how do you say?

The government might also give... like...

free insurance,

You know? Whatever the nacional citizens can get, you also can get it.

Okay.

So, this is something that you really need to start looking on, right now.

Do it right now.

Ok, I'll see.

Because apparently the process takes a long time.

I know a lot of Chinese people are moving from here.

Like a lot of Chinese people have taken immigration and gone

to Australia and New Zealand.

New Zealand is better.

I like New Zealand.

New Zealand is not better!

New Zealand has no jobs!

It's like a small town.

Okay.

Yes, you need to think about...

the future I mean,

just because New Zealand is beautiful,

it doesn't mean that you want to move to New Zealand.

You have to move to Australia so that you can find...

you have better choices of...

of jobs and stuff.

Europe is very hard now,

it's very difficult to find anything there.

The only choices are

Canada, America and... Australia.

Okay.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

You live in Europe,

You tell me, you talk to people...and you don't think...

Everywhere it's very, very difficult.

People are making no money, people are...

making even less money than before.

Yeah.

Ok, I'll check and start, but i'm also doing a film.

Yeah, do the film but start thinking and looking on this.

Do you know what the film is about?

You'll show me, you don't need to tell me. Just show me.

I don't want to know before.

Why?

Because I want to see it without having an opinion about it.

Because every time you discuss it with me, then I have an opinion.

I want you to show it, but without discussing it.

My film is about me.

Good...that's very good.

Why? Don't tell me!

Okay.

I really want to find a job somewhere here,

and then...you know...

I get the residence permit.

And then you can come, and then we get married, and then we can...

You get a job first,

so at least one thing is done.

Try to get a job.

Yeah, but...

You keep telling me "find a job, find a job"

Because, you know...

Even you are finding it hard to find a job

And you are new. And you're young.

For me is even much harder.

I applied to so many things, to everything that I can do. Not only films.

And everywhere, you know, as long as it's in Europe.

I even applied for jobs in Brazil.

Just... really.

I don't know what to do.

You will find something.

But you know it feels good to be open in Europe.

So it would be really nice if we are here together... we can, you know?

Have a proper life, with Hugo.

Agreed.

Yeah.

Okay.

Talk to you later.

Goodbye. Okay.

Bye-bye.

Look here.

Look.

Look here.

Okay.

Okay, see you.

I go.

Bye-bye.

What else should we say?

I love you.

I love you too.

Okay, bye-bye.

Those flares are becoming clearer an clearer,

and I gradually walked next to him.

He gazed into the water and said to me,

this stream is full of life.

It shines bright like the stars even in this dark, dark night.

At this moment, I saw a handsome face through the silver glow,

a beautiful face as if coming out of a Pekin opera show.

What if my parents know about my secret?

Dad, mom, actually I like men.

What? Son, are you kidding me?!

Exactly, stop telling bad jokes!

You are so handsome and talented, so many girls want to date you.

I already arranged several dates since you arrived home.

I'm not joking...

I've been together with him for almost six years now.

This is such a shame!

I can't help with it, it just happened naturally.

Nobody knows that we are together.

We told people that we are just flatmates,

sharing the rent.

I will pretend that you didn't tell me anything today

and you will never bring it up again in the future.

Dad...

Shut up!

You will date a girl tomorrow,

marry her as soon as possible!

If not...

if not, you are not my son anymore!

A common impression of Chinese people in the eye of others,

is that we are introverted and don’t like to express ourselves.

This stereotype does exist and it’s very true even now.

One of the most important elements of Chinese education

is the concept of a perfect man, which has been developed by different ideologists,

throughout almost 3000 years.

From the time of Confucius (around 550 BC),

a quote from his work says: ‘Do not see, listen to, say and do things that are not graceful’,

until Tang dynasty (around 1060 AD),

even good women’s regulations has been described as:

‘women have to learn how to behave decently. Be clean, be chaste.’

Even until nowadays,

Chinese people have been regulated with a lot of pressure from moral level apart from law.

The education that I received when I was growing up always reminded me to behave well in public,

which put a lot of pressure on me when facing life's problems,

especially when coming to terms with my own sexual orientation.

If I have to go back to China after graduation, the situation for me would be very difficult.

That’s why it is very important for me to experiment and express myself, to make this film now.

The silver light seems to come to life,

while I was chasing it,

ambiguously, I saw it dancing freely in between trees.

Once in a while, I could hear a soft, beautiful melody break the dark silence,

I didn't know for how long I've been chasing the light,

passing through how many trees, flowers, birds and hills.

Finally it stopped by the river.

I asked: "Who are you?"

It answered: "I am whoever you want me to be."

Step by step, I approached it.

Under the bright moonlight,

while the river was shining with dancing bokeh.

♪ Tonight the wind is gentle ♪

♪ I miss you with warm heart ♪

♪ the days I spent with you were relaxed ♪

♪ You are not here ♪

♪ and I miss you so ♪

♪ how can I stop dreaming of you ♪

♪ A life with you ♪

♪ I will never feel lonely ♪

♪ You were so kind and special to me ♪

♪ I should stick to you ♪

♪ Just as you are always guarding me ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ My dear love ♪

♪ Thank you for being with me for such a long time ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ My dear love ♪

♪ This is the most exciting moment in my life ♪

And the second part will be the Peking Opera.

So I will mix these together.

Okay.

So second part will be...

♪ Love and hate were all in a moment ♪

♪ Propose a toast to the moon, love surpasses heaven ♪

♪ Where can I find the buried feeling ♪

♪ Dreaming of love back in Tang Dynasty ♪

So like this.

You should definitely be prepared for a reaction when you switch to this,

because this is completely unknown, and it's new.

So whatever reaction, you have to be able to be prepare for it.

But it doesn't necessarily mean it's a negative thing.

Okay.

But it's a very interesting change.

Yeah?

Absolutely!

When I arrived in Europe from China two years ago,

I decided to come out of the closet in Europe.

Because in China I have a boyfriend but we are not openly together, openly gay...

because of the family and he's from Iran so there is a lot of religious or family stress.

So I came to Europe two years ago and I decided to live the life here as open gay.

And then, it was very easy to live, very releasing.

So, because now, this summer, I will graduate

and then if i can't find a job in Europe,

I have to go back to China.

And then, if I go back to China,

I need to live like before.

That's why I feel very stressed,

because of stress from family,

and from the culture, from the job,

from the making of this film.

So that's why when I see the performance, the drag performance,

I was feeling very like... free!

Like, liberating, you know!

You just really,

specially when, like, they say some...

For example, Betty Blue

she did a song and it was like,

♪ everybody is fucking, but me...♪

so I was very inspired.

That's why I wanted to explore myself through this performance.

The Chinese opera that I've seen on the internet,

the traditional Chinese opera,

was very rigid and the performance has strict rules,

so the performer doesn't have much freedom

but here, of course, it can be, because here we don't know how should it be exactly.

he is not performing at home in the Chinese National Opera House,

so here he can do anything and we would believe that it is authentic

but in my opinion there is not much freedom in that originality.

I want do do it and

it would be really nice If I can be good enough to do it on a stage,

because I'm just not very confident about this

because I've never had the experience of performing or dancing.

So, it would be really great.

And also, before that I can....

I can show you

I can show you first

Later I can show you the song, however it sounds like if I sing

and then later when I have the costume, I will start to practise.

And then I will show you, together with the costume and dancing, how does it look.

And then get some feedback.

It's nice and it is an honor...

but a bit strange,

because I think art is especially subjective,

depending on what a person likes or dislikes.

Otherwise, if it is only a one-time thing,

so just a one-time manifestation,

then, he doesn't need to listen to any advice.

Then he has to do what comes from inside himself.

I think that's the most important.

With technical questions it is possible to help,

but with his art, that originates from him, it is impossible to comment or tell what to do.

See, wearing women's clothes doesn't make coming out easier,

but more difficult!

Did you come out to your family as a drag queen?

Or like, how was it?

No. My mother passed away a very long time ago.

So she wouldn't been able to know about it

because at time I wasn't even sure about it either.

I didn't tell my father, because I thought he wouldn't understand

this whole thing.

We didn't live together already, I lived separately.

And I thought it is easier to protect him from blaming himself

by not coming out to him.

Sometimes, I think if I should tell my parents...

because they live in a very small town in China.

I feel sometimes that,

if I told them, finally, they'll agree, they are okay.

But I just feel like they are living in a small town,

everybody knows each other,

and when they walk on the street,

they will point at them behind their back, like:

"look, their son is gay,"

"their son went to Shanghai, went abroad to study and now he is gay."

Maybe they will think that because you went to Europe.

"This happened because you went to Europe!"

"And you were corrupted!"

"This is all because of the western ways!"

"If you would have stayed here, you would had met a nice girl!"

I want to make this film because I don't want to tell my parents.

But at the same time I want another life where I can express myself to the maximum.

So I was thinking to do this drag performance,

but because I don't have any experience

in performing or dancing,

although people say I dance good.

I was just wondering if I can have some help

from somebody with experience in this industry,

that can guide me through this performance.

Like a teacher or like a master.

That's why I was looking and I wanted to see your opinion.

Okay, sure, let's go and see.

What do you mean by go and see?

You should show him. Now?!

Now?

Yeah! Why not? Let's go!

♪ My dear ♪

♪ My dear love ♪

♪ Thank you for being with me for such a long time ♪

♪ My dear ♪

♪ My dear love ♪

♪ This is the most exciting moment in my life ♪

There is a crazy big difference,

so it is a must

when you sing, then do it with strength

like this...

Cheers! Cheers Aragon.

Egészségedre! Egészségedre!

Egészségedre.

Last time it was last year, no?

Last year it was in a...

drinking place.

Where was it? At Colorbar?

Close to Gozsdu Street.

I don't remember. I don't remember either.

Anyway... How are you doing by the way?

How was the New Year?

It's the Year of the Dog.

Yeah, hi. Can we order one chicken curry?

- Spicy?

No... do you want it spicy? I don't want it spicy.

So no spicy for him. Chicken with curry or biriyani?

Chicken curry. With rice or without rice?

Rice.

And for me, chicken biriyani.

Spicy? Yes, very spicy.

This is for you.

Spicy chicken biriyani.

Can I take this?

Thanks.

This is really nice.

This smells really nice as well.

What kind of rice is it? It's like jasmine rice ...

When I was little, I was very afraid of my father.

With a military background, he was very strict with me.

Eating, it was one of the most nerve wracking moments.

Son, it's time to eat.

Okay, I'm ready.

How should you behave while eating?

Hold your head up, sit up straight,

hold the bowl up to your mouth...

open legs so no rice will fall on your pants.

What else?

What else...

Clumsy boy!

And you should eat like a man,

A man must eat very fast, like a tiger.

But my teacher said it's healthier to eat slowly.

How dare you disagree with me?

You are asking for punishment!

Only girls should eat slowly,

a man has to behave like a man.

Now, lift your bowl and finish your food quickly!

Don't leave a single grain of rice in your bowl!

I don't want to eat so fast...

Just because I didn't beat you for three days, you dare to be this rebellious?

I will beat you now and teach you a a lesson!

I raised my head,

the figure in the silver light became clear.

It walked to the river,

slowly, started to dance.

Moonlight from the shining river illuminated its body,

a body that was making elegant movements.

At that moment, I couldn't tell if it was a "he" or a "she".

Such a beautiful theatre, you've disgraced it!

Son, what is that terrible outfit you're dressed in?

You look like a monster!

Undress now!

What did I teach you since you were little?

A man should look like a man!

You've disgraced our ancestors like this!

You are our only son,

now you say this and do a performance like that,

What will the others say about us!

Your father and I feel so ashamed!

Everyone will say bad things about us behind our backs!

I give you one minute to undress,

otherwise!

I will beat you until your bones are broken!

I...

I don't have a son like you!

Go away!

How can you shame us like this?

I regret to have ever given birth to you!