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1
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,227
(♪ Tool Time theme plays)
2
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,262
(Lisa) Binford Tools
is proud to present
3
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,564
Tim "The Toolman" Taylor!
4
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,966
(audience applause)
5
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,002
Thank you.
6
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,738
Hey, guys, my show's
on. Come on and watch.
7
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,840
No, thanks. We're playing.
8
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,942
Jill, I got a spot all
warmed up on the couch.
9
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,478
Tool Time's ready
to begin. Come on.
10
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,813
Couldn't get the boys to
watch? They were a little busy.
11
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,449
So am I.
12
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,185
Your loss. It's a
great episode. Classic.
13
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,954
I'm showing everybody
how to install a deadbolt lock.
14
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,189
Yeah.
15
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,424
Without putting
our tool belts on,
16
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,426
so let's get that taken care of.
17
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,727
There you go. You heard
that snap. That means it's on.
18
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,864
Tool tip... tool belt
fashion tip from old Tim...
19
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,666
Hike it up so you avoid
that unsightly butt crack,
20
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,134
'cause who wants to see that?
21
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,503
Boy, there's nothing
like the feeling
22
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,839
of rawhide and cold
steel hanging on your hips.
23
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,642
My wife says when
I put this bad boy on,
24
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:44,281
I turn into a wild, hairy,
disgusting ape. Arr.
25
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,249
You know what? I don't think
women understand the feeling
26
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,652
of rawhide and steel,
vise-gripping monkey pliers,
27
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,990
dado, headcut, flat jig, minor
jig, box, hot goo, ar-ar-ar.
28
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,726
A busy day today.
29
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,696
Al and I are gonna rough-in that
house, finish hanging that garage door,
30
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,367
but first, we're gonna
install a twin-cylinder
31
00:02:01,391 --> 00:02:02,699
deadbolt security
lock in this door.
32
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,334
Morning, Al. Morning, Tim.
33
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:08,105
Always follow your instructions.
Always makes jobs a bit easier.
34
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:11,074
We've laid out with the
template included in the kit
35
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,176
where we're putting our holes,
used my awl here to set my drill.
36
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,278
All right, Al, let's
have a drill, please.
37
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:19,616
Whoo, look at that butt
crack you got goin' there.
38
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,520
I think we oughta start today by
spackling Al's butt crack shut, huh,
39
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:27,023
with the new Patch 'N'
Paint butt crack filler putty.
40
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,858
(drill runs)
41
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,860
Hey, I smell voltage.
I think it's time to drill.
42
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:35,599
Right, Tim, and we'll be
using the 1 1/2-inch auger bit.
43
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,800
Come on, Al.
That's a girl drill.
44
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,003
We need a man drill, don't we?
45
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,772
But Tim, this is
the proper tool.
46
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,241
Yeah, I bet it is, Al.
47
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,443
Men, when we want a job done
right and we want it done quick,
48
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,710
what do we need?
49
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,479
(all) More power!
50
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,482
Darn right, more
power. Thank you, Lisa.
51
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,784
Now, there's raw power!
52
00:02:54,808 --> 00:03:00,023
This is the Binford series
heavy-duty, variable-speed drill.
53
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:05,028
Double-reduction spur
gearing, 1,400 rpm, 6.8 amp.
54
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,597
Ar-ar-ar.
55
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:12,068
But you won't even be halfway
through your aug before you hear this...
56
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,405
(imitates a woman's
voice) "Honey, shut
57
00:03:13,429 --> 00:03:14,937
that thing off. It's
making too much noise."
58
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:15,961
Uhh?
59
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,775
Always ignore that first plea.
60
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,777
Just makes her
yell a little louder.
61
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,380
Here she comes down the hall...
boom-boom-boom-boom-boom...
62
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,615
"Shut that thing off. Do you have
mud in your ears, you big baboon?"
63
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,184
You know what the problem is?
64
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,186
Who's that supposed to be? Hey!
65
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,920
Is that supposed to be me?
66
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:31,921
(turns off TV)
67
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,623
No, that's not you.
68
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,825
Oh, what a relief.
69
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,394
Then who is it?
70
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:40,263
It's every wife.
71
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:44,601
Oh, yeah. But, you know,
I happen to be a wife.
72
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,969
Every wife but you.
73
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:50,207
Ha-ha. Stop it. You'll make
me go to the bathroom.
74
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,608
Let me up, let me up.
(dryer timer goes off)
75
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,644
No, you started this.
You're staying right there.
76
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,145
Ow! No. Ha-ha-ha.
77
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,748
No, really. I have a blouse in
the dryer. I have to get that out.
78
00:03:58,772 --> 00:03:59,749
Let me go. Oh, boy.
79
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:00,950
(Mark) Help!
80
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,186
Would you go see who's
killing who out there?!
81
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,755
I can only imagine. Randy, what
are you doing to your younger brother?
82
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,057
I'm just hanging him
from the jungle gym.
83
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,158
(Mark) Help!
84
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,327
Don't do that.
85
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,561
He likes it.
86
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,096
Randy, you let go of that rope,
87
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,131
or I'm gonna hot-glue
your little head
88
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,566
to the garage door.
89
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,868
No running in the house. Brad!
90
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,272
Cover the ball with both hands
so you don't fumble. Go on.
91
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,806
Tim...
92
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:27,444
And do as your mother
says... don't run in the house.
93
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,746
I'll be back. Where
are you going?
94
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,582
Sears' Summer Spectacular Sale.
95
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,619
You can't go. I've
got this job interview.
96
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,120
What job interview?
97
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,256
I have been telling
you this all week.
98
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,958
It's the personnel manager
at Kingman-Hartwell.
99
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,526
You never told me
about a job interview.
100
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,328
Tim, do you ever listen to me?
101
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,530
It was the last thing I said
in bed to you last night.
102
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,532
No. I believe, if you recall,
103
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:53,725
the last thing you said to
me in bed last night was, "No!"
104
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,733
You're thinking of tonight.
105
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,719
Ha-ha-ha.
106
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,390
Oh, you split my
sides, you really do.
107
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,358
Is that my liver? Look in there.
108
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:19,329
No, you stop that. I gotta be there in
an hour, and you stay with these kids.
109
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:22,098
Fine. I'll be back
in 20 minutes.
110
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,533
20 minutes. Who are you kidding?
111
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,269
You'll be down there
drooling, fondling all the tools,
112
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,771
your eyes buggin' out.
113
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,873
You don't even
look at me like that.
114
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,532
I would if you were two
speeds and reversible.
115
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,100
Tim...
116
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,349
You won't even know I'm gone.
117
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,050
Tim, walk out that door,
118
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,886
and this goes in
the trash compactor.
119
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,756
Whoa! That's my Binford power
tape with positive toggle lock.
120
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,425
Kiss it goodbye.
121
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,826
Don't turn that on.
122
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,428
Are you staying?
123
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,618
Yes. God, you're mean to me.
124
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,023
Aw, there's food
boogers all over it.
125
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,341
Since you're staying, would
you load the dishwasher?
126
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,943
Why not, now that
you've broken my spirit.
127
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:10,079
Tim, this job is
important to me.
128
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,415
Aren't you excited about
me going back to work?
129
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,250
(unenthused) Yeah, sure.
130
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,219
(imitating) Yeah, sure.
131
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,121
Could you maybe work
up a little enthusiasm?
132
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,390
I'm sorry, honey.
133
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,392
(over the top) Gosh, I'm excited
134
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,628
that you won't be laying around the
house, mooching off the boys and me.
135
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,765
Oh! Do the other side.
Oh, I'm your love slave.
136
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,867
Is it OK if I go over
to Tommy's? What?
137
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,135
Is it OK if I go
over to Tommy's?
138
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,405
Yeah, sure. Honey, honey...
139
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:38,007
Don't put that in the dishwasher.
You have to rinse it off first.
140
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,910
I gotta wash the dish before
I put it in the dishwasher.
141
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:44,180
Yeah. That spray's not
strong enough for egg yoke.
142
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,216
It would be if we had
a man's dishwasher.
143
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,685
But, no, you insisted on...
144
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,052
(feminine voice) ...a Lady
Soft Touch Decor series.
145
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,154
Little tiny buttons
that no man can...
146
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,824
I am so sorry. The grunting,
hairy ape model was sold out. Arr.
147
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,581
Arr. Just rinse the dish.
148
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:02,732
You know, honey, I could fix
the spray on this dishwasher.
149
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,667
No, Tim, it's not broken.
150
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,537
I know. It just
needs more power.
151
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:11,674
Every time you fix something,
the fire department shows up.
152
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:13,610
But this would be
different because...
153
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:16,145
No, no! I am not gonna let you
ruin a perfectly good dishwasher
154
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,147
just so you can get
your tools out and play.
155
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,181
Six horse... No.
156
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:20,772
One... No.
157
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:26,122
Play? I host my own
home improvement show.
158
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:29,247
Don't touch the dishwasher.
159
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,853
(mocks) Don't touch
the dishwasher.
160
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:43,440
I'll show her. I'll strap that old
427 sidearm V-8 on that son-of-a-B.
161
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:47,844
Dual quads, Hedman
Hedders, Isky cam, 700 horse
162
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,046
blowing everything
off every dish in there,
163
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,849
including that little
sissy flower patterns.
164
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,473
I heard that. Hey!
165
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:59,789
This is my house,
that is my dishwasher,
166
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,525
and I will rewire
it if I want to.
167
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:06,663
No, you will not rewire it and
screw it up like you did the blender.
168
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,331
End of discussion.
169
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,795
What is your problem
with the blender?
170
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:16,027
It's the only blender on the
block that can puree a brick.
171
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,812
Tim, I'm going to that interview.
I'll see you in a couple hours.
172
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,715
Good luck, honey, and remember
what Knute Rockne said...
173
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,750
"Hit 'em low and hit 'em hard."
174
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,819
I'll do that.
175
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,322
Oh, oh, and remember, honey,
don't touch the dishwasher.
176
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,626
Honey, I'm not one of the kids.
You only have to tell me once.
177
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,082
Yeah.
178
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,698
Hey, Wilson... Hi, Tim.
179
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:46,202
I'm gonna rewire that dishwasher. Do
you still have that compressor for sale?
180
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:50,406
No, no, no. Traded that for a
set of snow tires and an accordion.
181
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,242
Shoot. Dishwasher broken, huh?
182
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,913
No. I'm just gonna show my wife
who's man of this house. Mm-mm-mm.
183
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,949
I told her I was gonna rewire that
dishwasher, she jumps all over me.
184
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,450
Sometimes I don't
know about her.
185
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:04,186
This isn't about her. It's not.
186
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,823
No, no, no. This is about you.
187
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,559
The reason you're having
problems with your wife
188
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,595
is because you don't
know who you are as a man.
189
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:15,698
I don't have a problem
in that area, Wilson.
190
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:19,035
Not what I mean, Tim.
191
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,938
A lot of men feel
lost, confused.
192
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:25,775
You see, the Industrial Revolution
took the adult male out of the home.
193
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:29,846
Boys were left without an older
man to teach them how to be men.
194
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:33,950
We need to get back to
something more primitive, atavistic.
195
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,807
(grunts)
196
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:43,660
Atavistic. How
do you spell that?
197
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,428
Let's just say primitive.
198
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,163
All right.
199
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,266
Men need to spend more time
around the campfire with their elders,
200
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,668
like in ancient days,
201
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:55,371
seeking wisdom,
telling stories, sharing.
202
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,473
Would these men
all have to be naked?
203
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,141
No, no.
204
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,044
No, that's optional.
205
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:06,049
You see, Tim, it's time for
men to reclaim the male spirit.
206
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,217
(grunts) Yeah.
207
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,688
And I'm gonna start by
reclaiming that dishwasher.
208
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,590
Mark, get your brothers.
We're off to Sears.
209
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,525
(imitates horn blowing)
210
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,696
All right, we gotta get this done
before your mom gets home.
211
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,866
Take a look at this bad boy.
212
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,103
That's a Finley two-stage,
five-horse Blastmaster compressor.
213
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,905
All tubing inside
in stainless steel...
214
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,540
Dad, why are we doing this?
215
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,644
Randy, it's a house full of men.
We're reclaiming the male spirit.
216
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,112
Huh?
217
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,714
By working on a dishwasher?
218
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:41,539
It's either that or sit around a
campfire telling stories naked.
219
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,721
Hey, hey, hey!
220
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,189
Where you guys going?
I'm kidding around.
221
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,526
It's just you and me, Mark, unless
you got something else to do.
222
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,051
Nope. I wanna
be with you. Great.
223
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,408
What-What are you going?
224
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,478
Getting naked.
225
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,313
You don't have to
get all the way naked.
226
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:15,317
All right, let's say bare-chested
men's work. Come over here.
227
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,655
All right, sit down there.
228
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,957
All right, first off, let's
see them muscles.
229
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:21,991
(grunts) Hey.
230
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,860
Hey.
231
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,128
Ohh.
232
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,562
Ohh.
233
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,797
Ar-ar-ar.
234
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,466
Ar-ar-ar.
235
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,434
Arrr.
236
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,370
Arrr.
237
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,439
I think you're ready
238
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,877
for your new Hank
the Handyman tool belt.
239
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,713
(grunts) All right,
let's take a look at it.
240
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:48,350
(whistles) Little
baby butt crack.
241
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:52,488
All right, the number one
rule in home repair is safety.
242
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:57,093
If we're gonna rewire a major appliance, we
gotta cut the electricity off, all right?
243
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:00,229
Come on out here.
244
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:04,667
There. That... is the fuse box.
245
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:08,004
The electrical nerve
center of our house.
246
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,371
Wow.
247
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,074
You're darn right, wow.
248
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,543
But now, we don't have
to cut off all the electricity.
249
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,579
Just the section of the
house we're working on.
250
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,949
That'd be the kitchen
up there... kitchen.
251
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:23,908
Heh-heh. I shouldn't have
labeled those in pencil, should I?
252
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,592
They're all faded
and everything. Look.
253
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,795
Well, kitchen's "K."
Yeah, that's kitchen.
254
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,797
There we go. All right,
Hank the Handyman,
255
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,299
come on, let's go.
256
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,636
We got to take off
that access panel.
257
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,206
All right. Oh, ho.
258
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,997
Look at all the wires in there.
259
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,779
Do you know what
all those wires do?
260
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:53,750
Yeah, of course. I wouldn't
have taken it off if I didn't.
261
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,551
Ground. We're looking "ground."
262
00:12:55,575 --> 00:13:00,957
Now, red is al...
red... yellow, see...
263
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,359
The sun is yellow.
It heats the ground.
264
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,983
That's how they name stuff.
265
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,956
Is that car running?
266
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,640
Aah!
267
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,331
Hoo, shake it off.
268
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,553
Oh. Whew.
269
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,289
Are you all right, Dad?
270
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,612
Yeah.
271
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,618
I did that to teach you
an important lesson.
272
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,000
What's that, Dad?
273
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,035
Well, when you
work with electricity,
274
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,604
it's a good idea
to shut it all off.
275
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,039
Now follow me upstairs,
276
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:53,242
and I'll show you how to
treat a severe electrical burn.
277
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,799
Grruh!
278
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,039
(phone rings)
279
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:07,745
Hello. No, Jill's not here.
I'll take a message. Sure.
280
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,250
Really.
281
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,065
Yeah, I'll tell her.
282
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,201
Mom didn't get the job.
283
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,735
She didn't?
284
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:23,739
No. Listen, she's gonna
really need us now.
285
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,909
When she gets home,
she's gonna feel real sad.
286
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,312
So why don't you go
upstairs and wash up?
287
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,914
'Cause she just loves
it when you're all clean.
288
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,216
Dad, Dad.
289
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,884
Yeah, Randy.
290
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,887
Look at this neat turtle shell.
I found it down at the creek.
291
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,057
You didn't yank the
turtle out of there, did you?
292
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,559
No.
293
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,695
If I go down to that creek and find some
confused turtle swimming without a shell...
294
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,520
Dad, I'm gonna go
make it into a drum.
295
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,270
Wilson, that's the best
part about being a boy...
296
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,638
it's collecting all
that useless junk.
297
00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,707
I wouldn't call it useless, Tim.
298
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,478
The ancient Malaysians used
a turtle shell as an aphrodisiac.
299
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,248
Turtle shell?
300
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,705
Wouldn't that
hurt putting it on?
301
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,009
Tim!
302
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,655
Uh, I'm out here, honey.
303
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:17,493
Tim! Keep the
boys off the phone.
304
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,628
I think I'm gonna
hear about that job.
305
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,563
Honey, actually...
306
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,433
I'm so excited. Gosh, you wouldn't believe
it. It was the best interview, ever.
307
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:25,567
Really? Today?
308
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,936
Oh, yeah, I nailed it.
309
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,438
There is no way on earth
that I am not gonna get this job.
310
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,108
The earth is such a big place.
311
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,176
No, really, really.
312
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,112
You should've seen
me. I was so impressive.
313
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,515
I looked this vice president
right in the eye, and I said...
314
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,784
Is that grease on your hand?
315
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:45,521
No. That's an electrical burn.
316
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,057
Did you touch the dishwasher?
317
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,893
Did I touch the dishwasher?
318
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,728
You're a dead
man. Jill, hold on.
319
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,730
What did you do?
Show me what you did.
320
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,498
Boy, are you cute
when you're panicky
321
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,635
and that big vein in your
forehead just sticks right out.
322
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,204
(gasps) What the hell is that?
323
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,673
That is the power source
to your new dishwasher.
324
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,975
Take it out. No, no, no.
325
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,543
No, take it out now.
326
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,711
You don't like the fact that
I improved the dishwasher.
327
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:12,775
Remember that yoke that wouldn't come
off the plate this morning? Watch this.
328
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,986
(dishwasher starts up)
329
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,374
Hear that hum? Ooh,
boy, that's a Finley,
330
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:19,922
two-stage, five-horse
Blastmaster compressor.
331
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,791
Air delivery system's 18
cubic feet per square minute.
332
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,860
That should say
testosterone right on there,
333
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:27,463
'cause that...
334
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,988
that is a man's dishwasher.
335
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:52,143
Hey, Mark, you didn't tighten
that hex bolt like I asked you to.
336
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,257
Stay away from there. Get back.
337
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,426
I don't want you to get hurt.
There's broken stuff there.
338
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,095
I'm gonna call Tommy.
339
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,697
No, don't use the phone! I'm
waiting for a call about my job.
340
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,855
Daddy already got that call.
341
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,738
Sorry, you didn't
get the job, Mom.
342
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,429
Mark...
343
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,477
I didn't get the job?
344
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,713
Hmm... I wanted to wait
for the right time to tell you,
345
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,715
and the dishwasher exploded.
346
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:20,938
That wasn't it.
347
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:28,224
I am really, really
sorry. You all right?
348
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,515
I'll get the broom.
349
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,931
Don't... you don't touch
this. I will clean all this up.
350
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,735
I'll get... Hey... look on
the bright side, honey.
351
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,725
It wasn't a full load.
352
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:47,109
I asked you not to touch the
dishwasher, but you didn't listen, did you?
353
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:50,413
It's fine. I am not
gonna get angry.
354
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:54,183
I mean, it makes more work for
me, but I don't mind. I like to work.
355
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,752
It's just too bad
nobody'll hire me.
356
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,688
You don't have to feel bad...
Don't tell me how to feel.
357
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:03,159
I'm just sayin, if it were
me... It's not you, Tim, it's me.
358
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,728
What I mean is you
don't have to work.
359
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,365
You don't really want
me to work, do you?
360
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:12,535
No, no. I make enough
money for both of us.
361
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,070
No, this is not about money.
362
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:17,406
This is about me having
a life outside of this house.
363
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,075
My autonomy.
364
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,309
Your autonomy. Yeah.
365
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,245
How do you spell
that? Don't start.
366
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,647
Sweetheart, what you gotta do...
367
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:26,848
Oh, this is great.
368
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,185
Now I gotta take
advice from a guy
369
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,488
who prances around a TV
studio grunting like a baboon
370
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,357
while Miss Binford tool girl
flashes her big headlights.
371
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,248
Lisa? No, Al.
372
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:42,164
What does Lisa
have to do with this?
373
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:44,422
She didn't take your
job. She's got a job.
374
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,298
What?
375
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,109
What a mess.
376
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,724
Hiya, Tim.
377
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:09,858
Hi, Wilson.
378
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:14,130
Mmm, boy, does that
smell good. Babyback ribs?
379
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,154
No, no, no. Squirrel.
380
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,170
I tell ya, Tim, this is
what it's all about...
381
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:24,673
catch of the day
cooking, sun setting,
382
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:28,511
men standing around the
campfire and telling stories.
383
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,446
You mind if I tell
you a story, Wilson?
384
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,814
Campfire's lit, good neighbor.
385
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,284
Jill doesn't get
the job she wants,
386
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,120
I tell her not to feel
bad, she gets angry.
387
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,710
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
388
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:44,193
So then I tell her
what she should do,
389
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,896
she jumps all over me
and then walks away.
390
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,932
Sounds like you were having
an asymmetrical conversation.
391
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:54,292
Asymmetrical? How
do you spell that?
392
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,939
Let's just say one-sided.
393
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:01,443
You see, Tim, by nature,
men are problem-solvers,
394
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,245
but Jill didn't want you
to solve her problem.
395
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,080
She didn't? Oh, no, no.
396
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,217
She just wanted you to listen
while she shared her feelings.
397
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,685
Just stand there and listen.
398
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,354
Wouldn't that be like
not doing anything?
399
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,391
Sometimes the best thing
you can do, Tim, is nothing.
400
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,360
Oh...
401
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:22,264
Jill got mad at me
because I didn't listen to her.
402
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:25,033
No, she got mad at you 'cause
you blew up the damn dishwasher.
403
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,691
Uhh?
404
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,241
People often ask me,
405
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:36,111
they say, "Tim, why is
your show so darn popular?"
406
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,146
I'll tell you what I think.
407
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,183
I think that working with your hands
puts you in touch with something primitive,
408
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,873
almost atavistic.
409
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:49,791
It's almost like reclaiming
the male spirit, if you will.
410
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,494
I think you know where
I'm headed with this one.
411
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:54,330
I'm talking about masculinism.
412
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,932
A flat-out, big-pectoral,
look-at-my-deltoids,
413
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,957
hairy-chested celebration
of men. Ar-ar-ar.
414
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,772
But this wouldn't
be anti-female.
415
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,375
No, it's all wrong
to think that.
416
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,577
Just like this sander...
417
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,080
vibrates in harmony
with the grain of the wood,
418
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:16,017
we men should
learn how to vibrate...
419
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,854
in harmony with our wives.
420
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,878
So if you...
421
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,428
if you... if you
have an occasion
422
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,797
to have a disagreement
with your wife,
423
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:33,001
you should be man enough
to not be asymmetrical.
424
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:35,904
'Cause that would be one-sided.
425
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:41,577
Which you should be man enough
to look at her and say, "I'm sorry, Jill."
426
00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:44,780
Or Betty or Ruth or
whatever her name would be.
427
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:47,048
Anyway, let's finish
sanding that table.
428
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:48,651
(sander runs)
429
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:53,255
What you said on the show
today is really sweet, Tim.
430
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,024
I don't know whether
you noticed, but...
431
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,327
your name was Jill,
and I used the name Jill.
432
00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:01,229
Maybe you caught the
hidden double meaning.
433
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,332
It was subtle, dear,
but I did grasp it.
434
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:05,901
Am I forgiven?
435
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:07,858
Yeah, forgiven.
436
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,673
That's it for me,
437
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:12,207
Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.
438
00:22:12,231 --> 00:22:14,876
I'll finish up today with
today's household tip.
439
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:17,546
Very important one,
as all of my tips are.
440
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:20,449
Remember, folks, always,
and I do mean always,
441
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:24,386
label that fuse box in ink. Arr!
442
00:22:24,410 --> 00:22:26,510
See ya. Ar-ar-ar.
443
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:34,596
You know, Jill, I still think
you're making a big mistake
444
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:36,665
not letting me install
that dishwasher.
445
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,367
I have other plans for you.
446
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:39,435
You do?
447
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,804
Yeah. When was the last time
448
00:22:41,828 --> 00:22:46,575
that we spent any serious time
together in the backseat of a car?
449
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,744
When Brad threw up that pizza.
450
00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,713
Ha-ha. No, no, really.
451
00:22:50,737 --> 00:22:53,449
You apologized to me. I
think I should apologize to you.
452
00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:55,784
Really? Yeah, and I
really wanna do it right.
453
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:56,918
Yeah? Uh-huh.
454
00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,787
Backseat?
455
00:22:58,811 --> 00:22:59,921
Garage?
456
00:22:59,945 --> 00:23:02,145
Just like our honeymoon?
457
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:07,195
Here. Let me get that.
458
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:10,098
And that.
459
00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:12,133
This hand-saver Lady Soft Touch
460
00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:14,725
is one of our most
popular models.
461
00:23:17,296 --> 00:23:19,408
Hey, let me in!
462
00:23:19,432 --> 00:23:22,633
Hey, lady, there's a crazy
man in your backyard.
463
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:28,016
Is that the guy with
the tool show on TV?
464
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,941
Hey, let me in!
465
00:23:32,445 --> 00:23:34,590
Stop pointing at
me. Her! Get her!
466
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,091
What's he doing now?
467
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:39,517
I think he's trying to
reclaim his male spirit.
36006
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