Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up...

The guys force q to give a

little mouth-to-mouth.

There was a guy in here

before, and he had, like, herpes

all over his thing.

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: Murr falls asleep

on the job.

And Joe gets fresh in the

produce section.

Do you mind when your melons

are squeezed?

[ Laught ]

Narrator: Plus tonight's big

loser goes belly-up.

[ Laughter ]

We're working as employees at

Charlie's nursery and garden

center.

We have to do and say what

the other guys tell us.

And if you refuse, you lose.

Oh, I can't wait to fertilize

some young plants!

[ Laughs ]

Hi, guys. How are you?

Good.

What you looking for?

We just got some incredible mums

in in the back.

Run as fast as you can.

Run! Run!

Come here. Come here.

Follow!

I'll show you. Come on this way.

They're right over here.

Just come over here.

You've got to see it.

Right around here.

They're right up there.

They're right there!

Come here! This one!

This is it! They're right here!

They're right here!

They're right here!

Keep going! Run!

[ Laughter ]

[ Panting ] I can't find

them.

They range from $8.99 to the

largest ones can go up to

$12.99.

Makthem smell the mums.

Throw them right in their face.

Unbelievable. Smell that.

All right. Try this one.

Great, right?

Try that.

All right.

Try that, sir.

This one, for example.

That one is great, right?

[ Laughter ]

And then... oh, this is the one

I wanted to show you.

Smell that.

Isn't that unbelievable?

[ Laughter ]

Oh.

It's great, right?

Isn't that unbelievable?

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

All right, q, you see this

guy?

Interrogate him like he's a

terrorist.

Can I actually just check

this for a second?

You went with this bag, huh?

Why... why this bag?

Ask him for I.D.

You got I.D. On you?

[ Laughing ] What?

What, do you think you could

just come into my yard and then

grab my mulch?

No, no, no, no, no.

You can't take another bag.

Don't let him have that

mulch!

Go, go, go!

Give me that mulch.

[ Laughs ]

Get him. Stop him.

[ Grunts ]

Give me this mulch.

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

Sal, the next person that

comes in, I want you to act like

a happy, magical sprite.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

Welcome to our magical garden!

[ Laughs ]

[ Giggles ]

[ Laughter ]

Now skip away.

[ Giggles ]

[ Laughter ]

So, I'm gonna take this one up

for you and these two, okay.

I call this flower

"the panty dropper."

[ Chuckles ]

I call this flower

"the panty dropper."

Yeah, yeah, whenever I get it

from someone, my panties drop.

[ Laughter ]

Shout, "I'm sorry, ma'am, we

don't sell marijuana pnts!"

[ Laughter ]

I'm sorry, ma'am, we do not

sell marijuana here.

[ Laughter ]

What?!

Whoa!

She has her own weed.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

So, you got two of these?

Two hays?

Joe, you have to carry both

bales.

Make it like your job depends on

it.

I'm trying to impress the

boss, you know?

No, you can't take...

no, come on.

Don't get me in trouble.

Don't get me in trouble.

Don't get me in trouble.

Don't get me in trouble.

Don't get me in trouble.

You ain't gonna get...

Can I grab one?

Stop it!

Don't get me in trouble.

I got it, man.

Slowly get weaker and weaker

and get on your back.

Get weaker.

Get lower to the ground.

Just lay on the ground. Yeah.

Oh, god!

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ "Taps" plays ]

No, I got it! I got it!

Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't!

Don't! Don't!

I got it. I got it.

I got it.

I need this job!

[ Sighs ] I got it.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Watch, watch, watch.

I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

I got that for you, all right?

Hey, man. How's it going?

Good.

Working up the whole garden?

Okay.

Joe, ask him if his wife lets

him plant his zucchini in her

backyard.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, my god.

Come on.

Say it or lose, buddy.

So, does your wife, uh...

Maintain your garden?

All: Aw!

[ Buzzer ]

You smell that?

Oh, yeah.

I smell it, too.

It's the fertilizer.

It's your horse [bleep]

Turn that just happened.

Narrator: Joe rakes in a

loss.

I was born with a green

thumb.

I live in an apartment building

in the city.

I can't have a garden proper.

I would love to have a basil

plant in the apartment.

[ Laughs ]

"I can't have a garden

proper."

[ Laughter ]

[ Italian music plays ]

Hey, uh, boyardee!

We are at

sergimmo's Italian deli.

We're gonna be behind the

counter making delicious

sandwiches for people.

Hang on to your meatballs,

folks.

Whoa.

This is a "joker versus

joker" challenge.

Yeah, boy!

What this means is there are

meats and cheeses in this bag.

Whoever draws the meat must

compete.

Whoever draws the cheese does

not have to compete.

[ Laughter ]

Do it.

Yeah.

All: [ Groan ]

Ready?

Yeah!

Aw!

[ Laughs ]

Okay, sal. You're up.

Hi. How are you?

Good, how are you?

Sal, rub yourself.

Salads?

I eat salads, too.

Tuna salad?

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Keep doing it.

Just keep doing it.

It's so weird.

[ Laughter ]

Do you work in the

neighborhood?

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Coming right out.

Buddy, the next person that

comes in here and they place

their order, I want you to stare

intently at them.

Hey. How you doing, buddy?

Ig eyes.

Can I get a, uh...

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

The more it's going, dude.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, here's a new girl right

here.

There you go.

Just start putting meats in

your clothing.

[ Laughter ]

What's going on?

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] Funny!

Keep doing it!

What's that?

Take it out of your pants,

put it on the roll.

Who ordered the super sub

heated up?

[ Laughter ]

All right, sal, take a bite

of that.

[ Laughter ]

Bite it!

Take a bite!

Eat it!

Oh, my god.

Just start putting meats in

your clothing.

Yeah, thank you. Beautiful.

Thanks so much.

You got it.

[ Laughs ]

Take it out of your pants,

put it on the roll.

Who ordered the super sub

heated up?

[ Laughter ]

All right, sal, take a bite

of that.

[ Laughter ]

Sal, take a bite of it!

Bite it! Take a bite!

Eat it!

Oh, my god, there's no way

he's doing this.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

All right, murr, it's your

counter, buddy.

Number one. You got it.

Murr, just keep filling his

hands up with samples.

What do you want to try?

I'll give you a sample of

something.

Here, how about uh...

Well, try that.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Hand him another huge thing.

Another quick sample.

Try that.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

It's good, right?

Ohh.

It's good, right?

It's delicious, right?

Here, you can have that.

[ Laughs ]

Have you been helped yet,

sir?

Walk around.

Come out the door.

Close-talk him now.

Get right up in his grill.

That's a liguria to stay.

Tap him with the brim of your

hat.

Listen, I'm gonna give you a

free sample...

[ Laughter ]

of this... And this.

Okay.

Okay, and then if you

don't... if you like them...

Try to get your head on his

chest.

But I'll give you... you can

try a piece of the prosciutto

with a great special today...

Get in there! Get in there!

Of the roasted peppers.

Which, if you like roasted

peppers...

That's great? Okay, great.

More, more, more!

So, you want maybe a little

side of the roasted peppers?

Okay, good. Okay.

Let me go get this for you, and

I'll bring it right out, okay?

All right.

[ Laughter ]

He's looking at his shirt.

Just fall asleep taking the

order.

[ Mumbles ]

[ Lullaby music plays ]

[ Laughter ]

Was that to stay or to sleep?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

Just hold it. Hold it.

He's looking around.

Stay asleep.

He doesn't knowhat to do.

[ Laughter ]

Murr, murr, stay asleep.

Stay asleep.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

Narrator: With no losses in

the deli, Joe is in a real

pickle.

Why don't you pick up the

phone when I call you?

What are you talking about?

You never pick up the phone

when I call you.

Because you don't usually

have a lot to add to my life.

[ Laughter ]

I know when you're together

because as soon as I push "no"

on your number, his number rings

me.

And I'm like, "oh, I guess they

had to tell me something."

We're at the grocery store

doing market research on a

brand-new drink.

We'll be giving away free

samples and asking a couple of

questions that we've written for

each other.

And the questions will be a

complete surprise to us.

[ Chuckles ]

Right, and these questions

will have little or nothing to

do with the drink.

Nothin to do with the drink.

[ Laughter ]

I'm ready to go. Hi.

Can I give you a free sample?

Would you like?

Did you like the cherry flavor

or do you think...

Okay.

And have y...

[ laughter ]

I'd love to feel your mouth with

my mouth.

Can we make this happen?

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ]

"No."

[ Laughter ]

It's a natural sweetener.

Last question...

[ Laughter ]

[ Whistles ]

[ Laughter ]

Last question... um...

[ Sighs ]

Last question...

[ Chuckles ]

What the [bleep] are you looking

at?

Huh?

"Looking at the fruits."

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

Free samples, folks.

Free samples.

Try it.

Quick question for you... so,

um...

[ Laughter ]

Men with, uh, large penises love

this drink.

I, for one, hate it.

What do you think?

[ Laughter ]

"It's good." Great.

[ Laughter ]

A little thirsty? Free sample?

It's good.

And then the question is, um...

[ Laughter ]

Um... and the last question is,

are you finished, uh...

A little thirsty?

Free sample? It's good.

And then the question is, um...

[ Laughter ]

Um... and the last question is,

are you finished, uh...

Um...

Are you finished with the drink?

[ Laughter ]

All: Aw!

[ Buzzer ]

All right, Joe.

Let's see what you got.

We're doing a taste test

today.

Would you like to give a sip?

So, let me just... we...

[ laughter ]

We squeeze our melons for

flavor.

Do you mind when your melons are

squeezed?

[ Laughter ]

No?

And then what about with the

drink?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, man.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

You want a free sample... a

little sports drink action?

What did you think of that?

And, uh...

[ Chuckles ]

Did, uh... I can't tell.

Did this drink make your nips

hard?

[ Laughs ]

You know, your nips.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, so, that's just 'cause

it's cold in here?

Okay. Thank you very much.

[ Laughter ]

And he's holding his... he's

holding his tits walking away!

He's warming his nips!

[ Ding! Ding! ]

Narrator: Murr sampled the

bitter taste of failure, making

it a two-way tie for last as

they head into the final

challenge.

Why are your nipples always

hard?

Look.

Like, even in warm weather

your nipples are hard?

Always.

Look, you can see them

through... I have two shirts on

right now.

Why do you notice that his

nipples are always hard?

Tell me right now.

Today we get to make out with

girls.

No we don't.

Today we're teaching cpr.

Yeah, and we're gonna have

the ear piece in.

We have to do and say what the

other guys tell us.

This is the kind of girls Murray

makes out with.

It is.

[ Lahter ]

How you doing?

Hi. I'm Brian.

Ellis.

I'm your cpr instructor.

Michael.

I'm gonna teach you the

a-b-c's of cpr, all right?

And at the end of the

session...

And at the end of the

session...

if you only remember one

thing...

If you only remember one

thing, now...

remember this...

remember this...

[ Laughter ]

Okay, you want to try

compressions?

Go ahead. Get in there.

See how you do.

Right off the bat I see

you're not being half as sensual

as you need to be.

Right off the bat I see,

like, you're not being half as,

uh, sensual as you need to be.

[ Laughter ]

Have you guys ever taken any cpr

and stuff before?

No.

No?

No.

Okay.

Lock your hands like this.

Do the Macarena.

Now go like this.

Hey, Macarena!

[ Laughter ]

Q, tell them the last guy to

toh the dummy's mouth had

herpes.

I'm not gonna have you put

your lips on this 'cause there

was a guy in here before and he

had, like, herpes all over his

thing.

Yeah.

Now put your lips all over

it.

[ Exhaling deeply ]

[ Laughter ]

Just like that.

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

So, first thing you want to

do is you want to come over and

ask them if they're choking.

Are you choking?

[ Laughing ] Yell in it's

face.

Are you choking?

Are you choking?!

[ Laughter ]

Now, before we administer cpr,

everyone has a moment of truth.

Is this person too gross to

save?

Is this person too gross to

touch?

[ Laughter ]

So, have you guys had any

experience at cpr before?

Yes.

How so?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, crap. He's a doctor.

Check whether it's a boy or a

gi.

Okay, first you want to come

over and you want to check if

it's a boy or a girl.

[ Laughter ]

Remember, if she has a

brassiere on, you might want to

take off the brassiere.

[ Laughs ]

Because the rule is let them

tittays go before you start to

blow.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, okay, so...

[ Sighs ]

Women wear brassieres that could

be obstructive or constricting.

So, the rule is...

You want to let them tittays go

before you start to blow.

[ Laughter ]

Let's all say it.

So, let's say it together.

All: You want to let them

tittays go before you start to

blow.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

[ James. ing! Ding! ]

Michelle.

Michelle, so nice to meet

you.

Hi, James. Paula.

Paula, so nice to meet you.

My gym teacher gave me cpr

for the first time when I was

15.

My personal background is I

actually received cpr when I was

a kid.

I was 15.

My gym teacher gave me cpr.

[ Gasps ] Oh, no.

Yeah.

Now that I think of it, I

wasn't choking.

[ Laughs ]

I wasn't choking, now that I

think about it.

[ Laughter ]

So, first thing's first.

Have her lean in.

Okay.

And you're gonna whisper to

her, "whatever you do...

Whatever you do...

"don't confuse the

inferior vena cava..."

don't confuse the inferior

vena cava...

"with the pulmonary

valves."

with the pulmonary valves.

"Someone could die."

Someone could die.

Okay.

Now what did I just tell you?

[ Laughter ]

So, what did I just tell you?

That's right.

Oh.

You never want to confuse the

vena caviola...

Inferior vena cavas.

[ Mumbling ]

[ Laughter ]

You don't ever want to

confuse the inferior vena cava

with the pulmonary valves...

or someone could die.

Or someone could die.

Now, what did I just tell

you?

So, what did I just tell you?

[ Laughter ]

Vena caviola in the... i'm

getting it confused.

That's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

This is a dummy. It's okay.

She's not dying.

I'm gonna do this one last

time, Paula...

Don't confuse...

the inferior vena cava...

with the pulmonary valves

or someone could die.

So, what did I just tell you?

[ Laughing ] What did I...

So, what did I just...

[ laughter ]

Michelle, come over here.

Get in the middle of us.

Come iclose. Come in close.

Everybody hug each other.

Get right around that head.

Come on, now. Okay, ready?

All: Don't confuse the

inferior vena cava with the

pulmonary valves...

Or someone could die.

What did I just tell you?

[ Ding! Ding! Ding! ]

[ Laughter ]

So, have you ever done the

heimlich?

No.

Joe, just start making up

medical terms.

So, you want to come right

under into the Nissan maximas.

[ Laughter ]

Push right here right under the

Regis philbin, and you want

to... until something pops out.

Some people do a problem, and

they'll go right up top on the

Nissan altimas.

You want to get under to the

Nissan maximas right here.

So, not too low to the

Nissan sentras.

You want to get them right in

the pathfinder.

[ Laughter ]

You're saving this person.

This is an emergency.

You come in, clear the area.

Joe, flip out.

Go crazy.

"Are you breathing," you

know?

Stay away from the light!

You got to get them up, and you

got to... you've got so much to

live for!

Come back to me, you son of a

bih!

Tell robby, "you stay away

from the light!"

Robby, don't go to the light!

You stay away from the [bleep]

Light!

[ Laughter ]

The way to get to the

heart...

The easiest way to get to the

heart...

is through my pants.

Both: That you won't say?!

The easiest way to get to the

heart is by making me dinner.

[ Buzzer ]

[ Laughter ]

Joey lost!

Complete flatline!

[ Imitating flatline ]

Stay away from the light!

Clear! Boom!

[ Continues imitating ]

All right, that's enough.

All right.

Just cut.

Okay.

That's really...

[ continues imitating ]

Stop it, honestly.

God, stop!

I could have kept going

another minute.

Narrator: Joe choked at the

cpr class, and now he's in

critical condition because he is

tonight's big loser.

Joe's failure has brought him

here to a Moroccan lounge where

there's tons of sexy belly

dancers.

But tonight there's about to

be an extra-special belly

dancer, our best friend Joe.

Former best friend.

Joe, you got to go upstairs

and perform a belly dance to a

packed lounge in full belly

dancing regalia.

Are they providing a belly or

I'm gonna have to use my own?

[ Laughing ] No, no, no.

You brought the belly.

So, it's b.Y.O.B.?

[ Laughter ]

Yeah!

This is ridiculous.

This is insane.

Joe's failure has brought him

here to a Moroccan lounge where

there's tonsf sexy belly

dancers.

But tonight there's about to

be an extra-special belly

dancer, our best friend Joe.

Yeah!

This is ridiculous.

This is insane.

Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Laughing ] Oh, my god.

[ Laughter ]

Take the mask off!

Show your face!

[ Laughter ]

[ Cymbals pinging ]

[ Laughter ]

Get into it, you cheeky

monkey!

[ Laughter ]

Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

That's what happens when you

lose!