All language subtitles for Impractical Jokers-Drawing a Blank_en

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:14,266 If you were a man, what type of 2 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:14,266 woman would you be attracted to? 3 00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:15,900 [ Laughter ] 4 00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:17,834 They say beauty is 5 00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:17,834 in the eye of the beholder. 6 00:00:17,867 --> 00:00:19,500 In this case, Yikers. 7 00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,000 In this case, Raj... 8 00:00:22,033 --> 00:00:23,066 yikes. 9 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:23,934 [ Laughter ] 10 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,633 How you doin'? 11 00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:27,467 I have really loud orgasms. 12 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,900 You know, it's like, 13 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,900 "Ahhhhhh!" 14 00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:38,000 Narrator: 15 00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:38,000 And tonight's loser must confess 16 00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:38,000 a silent, but deadly secret. 17 00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:41,300 [ Laughter ] 18 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,467 News flash -- we're on 19 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,467 the street as beat reporters. 20 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,934 And we're trying to get people 21 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,934 to give us quotes 22 00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:46,300 about our news stories. 23 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:48,467 The catch is we've written 24 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:48,467 each other's questions, 25 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,300 so we won't know what we have 26 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,300 to say till we get out there. 27 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:52,166 And the goal is to have the guts 28 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,633 to ask the questions 29 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,633 that are on your pad. 30 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,200 If you refuse, you lose. 31 00:00:57,233 --> 00:00:58,433 Can I just peek real quick? 32 00:00:58,467 --> 00:00:59,567 No, no! 33 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:04,066 ♪♪ 34 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:06,133 Oh, God. 35 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:06,133 Here we go. 36 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,533 Q: We're gonna do page 3. 37 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,100 Turn to page 3 and ask him 38 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,100 that question, would you? 39 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,200 My name's James. 40 00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:12,734 I'm doing an article 41 00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:12,734 for the paper. 42 00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:16,033 The topic is about laws 43 00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:16,033 regarding sex. 44 00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:18,433 Do you believe that sexual 45 00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:18,433 predators should be required 46 00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:20,100 to identify themselves? 47 00:01:20,133 --> 00:01:21,200 -Yes, I do. 48 00:01:20,133 --> 00:01:21,200 -Yes. 49 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:22,834 Okay. 50 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:22,834 Well, I'm James Murray, then. 51 00:01:22,867 --> 00:01:25,300 [ Laughter ] 52 00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:26,967 Excuse me, sir. 53 00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:26,967 I'm a news reporter. 54 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,900 The topic is about 55 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,900 space exploration. 56 00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:33,300 With space exploration being 57 00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:33,300 a multi-billion-dollar industry, 58 00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:34,767 do you... 59 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,333 [ Laughter ] 60 00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:38,567 Do you have, uh... 61 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,367 Do it, do it, 62 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,367 do it! 63 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,166 With space exploration being 64 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,166 a multi-billion-dollar industry, 65 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,300 do you have any interest 66 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,300 in being an astronaut? 67 00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:47,767 [ Laughter ] 68 00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:49,900 Murr: Not really? 69 00:01:49,934 --> 00:01:51,734 Thanks so much. 70 00:01:49,934 --> 00:01:51,734 -Come on! 71 00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:53,200 There's no way I can say that. 72 00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,066 Sal: Got you, sucka. 73 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,266 I'm ready to go, boys. 74 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,166 Do you even got a second 75 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,166 to give me a quote on a thing? 76 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,233 I'm a reporter doing a -- 77 00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:03,567 Oh, it's okay. 78 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,900 No part of Quinn can assemble 79 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,900 a credible sentence. 80 00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:09,066 I'm a reporter doing a, uh, uh, 81 00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:09,066 article. 82 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,265 [ Laughter ] 83 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,333 Do you have a second 84 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,333 to give me a quick quote? 85 00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:13,867 Okay, all right. 86 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,433 Wow, well, this is on women's 87 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,433 health, so this is -- 88 00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,633 this is just really 89 00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:18,633 appropriate at this moment. 90 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:22,066 Okay, do you -- 91 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:26,967 Do you think that, uh -- 92 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:26,967 well, let's see. 93 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,567 Go ahead. 94 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,567 You want to ask? 95 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,700 [ Laughter ] 96 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:30,767 Go ahead and ask. 97 00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,800 [ Laughter ] 98 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:40,867 The guy translated it! 99 00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:42,734 Titty -- titty implants. 100 00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,400 Have you had your titties 101 00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,400 implanted? 102 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,433 No? 103 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,433 Okay, okay, so no. 104 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,400 All right, well, hey, guys, 105 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,400 thank you so much. 106 00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,166 My editor's gonna love 107 00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,166 the [bleep] out of this, 108 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,166 I'll tell you that right now. 109 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,533 [ Ding! ] 110 00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,500 How are you? 111 00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,500 Got a quick question for you. 112 00:02:57,533 --> 00:02:58,734 So, it's about the weather. 113 00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,533 The story I'm doing 114 00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,533 is about the weather. 115 00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:02,433 When people say it's hot -- 116 00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:02,433 [ Chuckles ] 117 00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:04,934 When people say, 118 00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:04,934 "It's hot as balls out here," 119 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,967 how hot do you think 120 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,967 the average ball is? 121 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,700 You know, when it's like, 122 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,700 "Oh [bleep] 123 00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,934 It's hot as balls out here." 124 00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,934 You know what I'm saying? 125 00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:17,467 How hot is the ball 126 00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:17,467 in question? 127 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,000 80? 128 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,000 80-degree ball? 129 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:23,967 [ Laughter ] 130 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,066 As a parent, what do you do 131 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,066 if your kid's a real dick? 132 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:30,233 If you were a man, what type of 133 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:30,233 woman would you be attracted to? 134 00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:31,400 [ Laughter ] 135 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,967 Should I tag my penis 136 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,967 in Facebook photos? 137 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,133 I'm with the Times. 138 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,133 I am a report-- 139 00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,633 Wait, you both just said that 140 00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,633 in English, though. [ Laughs ] 141 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,000 Do you think it's time 142 00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:43,200 they installed toilets 143 00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:43,200 in the subway cars? 144 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,700 Because I don't want to [bleep] 145 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,700 my pants again. 146 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:49,800 No? 147 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:49,800 [ Ding! ] 148 00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,800 Excuse me, can I ask you 149 00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,800 a question? 150 00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:54,166 Sure. 151 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,433 It's on prostitution 152 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,433 in the United States of America. 153 00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:57,567 Yeah? 154 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,433 In your opinion, how much -- 155 00:04:01,467 --> 00:04:03,367 In your opinion, 156 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:10,800 how much should an average 157 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:10,800 white male have to pay for a... 158 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,800 handjob? 159 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,066 [ Laughter ] 160 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,467 The average white male. 161 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,399 -Yeah. 162 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,399 -Yes. 163 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:19,567 Oh, hello, Mom. 164 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:19,567 How are you? 165 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,200 Q: Now ask mom the question. 166 00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:24,667 You know what, though? 167 00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:24,667 I decided to quit. 168 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:25,867 You decided to quit? 169 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:27,467 Just now, yeah. 170 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,100 Joe: Yeah, sucka. 171 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,100 [ Buzzer ] 172 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:31,734 Tonight's top story -- 173 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:31,734 two losers. 174 00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:33,233 I've got the long game in mind. 175 00:04:33,266 --> 00:04:35,000 We got the short game. 176 00:04:33,266 --> 00:04:35,000 We're all right. 177 00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:37,100 We're in the mall 178 00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:37,100 posing as caricature artists. 179 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:38,467 Yeah, you know those things 180 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:38,467 they draw when you get like 181 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,533 the big head 182 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,533 and the little body? 183 00:04:39,567 --> 00:04:41,233 The pictures have been pre-drawn 184 00:04:39,567 --> 00:04:41,233 for us, 185 00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:42,567 but we don't know 186 00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:42,567 what they look like. 187 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,834 So the first time 188 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,834 we show a customer 189 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,100 is the first time 190 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,100 we'll see them. 191 00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:46,533 The goal is to get a tip. 192 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:49,033 If you don't get a tip, 193 00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:49,033 you lose. 194 00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:51,767 ♪♪ 195 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,333 Folks, free caricature drawing. 196 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:56,133 You do? 197 00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,934 -Yes. 198 00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,934 -Okay, come on in. 199 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:00,533 Let me get a good look at you. 200 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,633 ♪♪ 201 00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:04,767 I think 202 00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:04,767 you're flirting with me. 203 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,300 Joe: 204 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,300 Murr's in love right now. 205 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,533 All right, Murr, you hit on her 206 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,533 after it. Let's focus. 207 00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,633 Well, how old 208 00:05:09,033 --> 00:05:10,633 do you think I am? 209 00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,900 She's gonna say 48, dude. 210 00:05:11,934 --> 00:05:13,233 Let's go, Murr! 211 00:05:13,266 --> 00:05:14,834 Tell her, "You know, 212 00:05:13,266 --> 00:05:14,834 I learned this in art school." 213 00:05:14,867 --> 00:05:15,967 I learned this in art school. 214 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,433 "I actually got thrown out 215 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,433 of art school." 216 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,033 But I kind of got thrown out 217 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,033 of it, so... 218 00:05:19,066 --> 00:05:22,033 "For dry-humping 219 00:05:19,066 --> 00:05:22,033 the sculptures." 220 00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:24,266 I got thrown out of art school 221 00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:24,266 for dry-humping the sculptures. 222 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,500 Oh, my God! 223 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,367 "But you should have seen 224 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,367 that David." 225 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,934 But you should have seen 226 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,934 that David. 227 00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:32,934 Oh, my God! 228 00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,367 I'm gonna make you 229 00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,367 look great. 230 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,467 "In fact, I may even keep a copy 231 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,467 of this for my fantasy files." 232 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:41,834 I'm gonna make it look 233 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:41,834 so good, in fact, 234 00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:43,967 I may even keep a copy 235 00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:43,967 for my files, you know? 236 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,667 "My fantasy files." 237 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,934 My fantasy files. 238 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:48,867 [ Laughter ] 239 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,467 Let me just take a look 240 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,467 and see how this came out. 241 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:53,667 Joe: Murray's never seen 242 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:53,667 this picture. 243 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,333 This is the first time 244 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:56,333 he's seeing it. 245 00:05:56,367 --> 00:05:57,367 [ Laughing ] Oh! 246 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,333 ♪♪ 247 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:01,600 [ Laughter ] 248 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:08,100 Let's see. Let me just take a 249 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:08,100 look and see how this came out. 250 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:09,400 Oh, my God. 251 00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:10,600 Joe: Murray's never seen 252 00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:10,600 this picture. 253 00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:13,100 This is the first time 254 00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:13,100 he's seeing it. 255 00:06:13,133 --> 00:06:14,667 [ Laughing ] Oh! 256 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,066 [ Laughter ] 257 00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,967 This is -- oh, God. 258 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,033 Ohh. 259 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,266 I'm sorry she's white. 260 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,934 Red hair. That's not me. 261 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,934 That's horrible. 262 00:06:25,967 --> 00:06:26,600 It's not... 263 00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:27,567 It's Horrible! 264 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:28,834 Now, this is free. 265 00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:30,800 We do accept tips. 266 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,300 A tip? You need a new job. 267 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:34,834 I do need a new job. 268 00:06:34,867 --> 00:06:36,100 You don't have to if you 269 00:06:34,867 --> 00:06:36,100 don't want to, obviously. 270 00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:38,967 No tip, no tip. No way. 271 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:39,800 She's gonna tip him? 272 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:40,734 She's gonna tip him. 273 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:46,300 You got it. 274 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:46,300 [ Ding! ] 275 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:49,266 Nice to meet you. 276 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:50,533 You want the hair down? 277 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:50,533 Yeah, get comfortable. 278 00:06:50,567 --> 00:06:51,433 Whatever you like. 279 00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:52,433 There you go. 280 00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:52,433 Looks good. 281 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:53,800 "Oh, your hair 282 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:53,800 smells delicious." 283 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:55,900 Your hair smells delicious. 284 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:55,900 I can smell it from here. 285 00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:57,533 "It's like fresh taco meat." 286 00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:01,000 [ Laughter ] 287 00:07:01,033 --> 00:07:05,000 It's like 288 00:07:01,033 --> 00:07:05,000 a fresh taco meat. 289 00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,333 And you are set. 290 00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:08,533 One sec. 291 00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:08,533 Let's take a look here. 292 00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:09,667 Ohh, ohh. 293 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:11,033 All right. 294 00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:13,533 Here is a beautiful 295 00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:13,533 little caricature 296 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,133 that we made today just for you. 297 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:17,900 Ta-da! 298 00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:19,834 This is for you to take, 299 00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:19,834 and, then, 300 00:07:19,867 --> 00:07:21,000 you know, we don't charge, 301 00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:21,967 but any tip 302 00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:21,967 would be greatly appreciated. 303 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,400 I'm not gonna take it, then. 304 00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:24,533 You're not even gonna take 305 00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:24,533 the picture, then? 306 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:28,367 Okay. 307 00:07:24,567 --> 00:07:28,367 -Aw, yeah. 308 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,834 [ Buzzer ] 309 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,834 Sal: Joe with a zilch. 310 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,100 Hello. Hi. 311 00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,133 Yeah, right there. 312 00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:37,000 Let me just 313 00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:37,000 set myself up here. 314 00:07:37,033 --> 00:07:39,367 "How much do you want me to put 315 00:07:37,033 --> 00:07:39,367 into the Cleveland, Ohio?" 316 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,767 And point to her cleavage. 317 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,200 It's just, uh... 318 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:48,467 How much -- 319 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:48,467 How much of the Cleveland, Ohio, 320 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,500 do you want me to put in there? 321 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,967 Yeah? 322 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,233 Let me just do a final -- 323 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,233 [ Laughs ] 324 00:07:56,266 --> 00:08:01,667 [ Stammering ] 325 00:07:56,266 --> 00:08:01,667 I think you're gonna love it. 326 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,333 Check it out. 327 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,333 There it is. 328 00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:08,700 All right, it is free. 329 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,300 Oh! 330 00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,567 Oh! $5? 331 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,867 I'll sign that for you. 332 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,800 Joe: She's in disbelief. 333 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,800 [ Ding! ] 334 00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:20,734 All right, go get them, 335 00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:20,734 Van Gogh. 336 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,700 You want to do 337 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,700 a free caricature today? 338 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:24,400 What's your name? 339 00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:25,233 Hey, I'm Sal. 340 00:08:25,266 --> 00:08:26,433 Have a seat. 341 00:08:26,467 --> 00:08:27,967 "They say beauty is in the eye 342 00:08:26,467 --> 00:08:27,967 of the beholder." 343 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,934 They say beauty is in the eye 344 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,934 of the beholder. 345 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,400 "In this case, yikers." 346 00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:35,933 In this case, Raj... 347 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:37,200 yikes. 348 00:08:37,232 --> 00:08:39,033 [ Laughter ] 349 00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:41,166 All right, let me see 350 00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:41,166 what we have. 351 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,800 [ Laughs ] 352 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,800 All right, Raj. 353 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,166 Ohh. 354 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,467 Raj. 355 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,066 What do you say, buddy? 356 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,700 [ Laughter ] 357 00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:57,600 It's my interpretation of you. 358 00:08:57,633 --> 00:09:02,567 I was getting a real dictator 359 00:08:57,633 --> 00:09:02,567 eating a fruit vibe off of you. 360 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,600 Tips are appreciated. 361 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,600 Whatever you feel. 362 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,100 What is he giving you? 363 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,100 What does he got right there? 364 00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,734 $5. 365 00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,734 Thank you so much. 366 00:09:07,767 --> 00:09:08,967 How does he give him $5? 367 00:09:07,767 --> 00:09:08,967 I don't know! 368 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,166 He's Hitler holding a banana. 369 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,033 He's like -- 370 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,033 -Yeah. 371 00:09:12,066 --> 00:09:13,000 I really appreciate it. 372 00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:16,000 [ Ding! ] 373 00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:16,000 Stupid $5. 374 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:19,433 Narrator: Joe, Murr, and Sal are 375 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:19,433 all hanging at loser central. 376 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:20,867 We're in the market 377 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:20,867 for a new roommate. 378 00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,467 Yeah, we're gonna be 379 00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,467 interviewing strangers 380 00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,867 and making sure they're okay 381 00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,867 with our peculiar living habits. 382 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,867 For some reason, 383 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,867 no one answered Q's ad, 384 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,800 so the lucky bastard gets 385 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,800 a free pass on this one. 386 00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:31,867 Little side note -- Joe and I 387 00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:31,867 are actually roommates together. 388 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,667 Big side note -- 389 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,667 I need a new roommate. 390 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,533 [ Laughter ] 391 00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:39,433 ♪♪ 392 00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:40,934 Hey, Tim, how you doin'? 393 00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:42,266 Good to meet you, buddy. 394 00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:42,266 Welcome. 395 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:44,100 Come on in. 396 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,233 Thanks, man. 397 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,233 Thank you. 398 00:09:45,266 --> 00:09:46,433 That's why I don't want 399 00:09:45,266 --> 00:09:46,433 to lose it, 400 00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:48,066 so I'm just looking 401 00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:48,066 for a new roommate. 402 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,066 So this is the living room. 403 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:51,266 You know, kitchen. 404 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,967 This is where 405 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,967 the guy's moving out. 406 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,300 Murr: 407 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,300 Joey, show him the chart we put 408 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,300 on the side of the bathroom. 409 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:57,467 This here... 410 00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,333 It's your daily poop chart. 411 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,266 And here's the -- 412 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,266 our use log. 413 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,700 It's a common bathroom. 414 00:10:03,734 --> 00:10:08,600 You know, I just record my logs. 415 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,367 Everything's been 416 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,367 pretty solid lately. 417 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,166 Wait a second. 418 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,166 [ Laughs ] 419 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,133 -Yeah, so -- 420 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,133 -That's pretty detailed. 421 00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,700 It's a log for my logs. 422 00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:16,734 [ Laughter ] 423 00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:17,767 What about 424 00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:17,767 your sleeping habits? 425 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,000 Are you a light sleeper, 426 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,000 heavy sleeper? 427 00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:20,233 Pretty heavy, I guess. 428 00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:21,600 "Listen, I sleep nude." 429 00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,233 Up there, it gets hot, too, 430 00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,233 so I sleep nude. 431 00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,767 "And I sleepwalk." 432 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,000 And I sleepwalk, 433 00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:29,066 so if I end up in your 434 00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:29,066 bedroom, don't wake me. 435 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,367 It's dangerous. 436 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,667 All right. 437 00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,800 "I do have really loud orgasms." 438 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,100 It's kind of embarrassing. 439 00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:39,233 But, I mean, 440 00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:39,233 I have really loud orgasms. 441 00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:40,567 [ Laughter ] 442 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,200 Go on and demonstrate. 443 00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:46,333 It's -- you know, 444 00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:46,333 it's like... 445 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,166 "Ahhhhhh!" 446 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,867 All right, man, well, 447 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,867 I just want to know, do you -- 448 00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:53,934 would you like to live here? 449 00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:57,967 ♪♪ 450 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:00,834 ♪♪ 451 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,667 Up there, it gets hot, too, 452 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,667 so I sleep nude. 453 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,500 And I sleepwalk, so if I end up 454 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,500 in your bedroom, don't wake me. 455 00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:07,700 It's dangerous. 456 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:08,867 All right, man. 457 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,600 Well, I just want to know, 458 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,600 do you -- 459 00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:14,934 would you like to live here? 460 00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,500 I think we could be roommates. 461 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:20,133 That's awesome. 462 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:20,133 Oh! 463 00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:21,433 I'm actually nervous. 464 00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,834 [ Doorbell rings ] 465 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:23,800 Give him 466 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:23,800 a dead-fish handshake. 467 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:24,767 How's everything? 468 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,033 Good to see you. 469 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,033 -Nice to meet you. 470 00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:27,333 Nice to meet you. 471 00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:27,333 Nice to meet you. 472 00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:28,467 How are you? 473 00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:28,467 Hi. How are you? 474 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,000 Joe: 475 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,000 Now hightail it to the bedroom. 476 00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:31,467 Power walk. 477 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000 Um, and let me 478 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000 show you the bedroom. 479 00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:37,567 [ Laughter ] 480 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,066 "Both my therapist 481 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,066 and my parole officer say 482 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,367 I'm ready 483 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,367 for a roommate again." 484 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,633 Yeah, this is terrific, too, 485 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,567 'cause both my therapist 486 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,567 and parole officer say 487 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,100 I'm ready 488 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,100 for a roommate again, so... 489 00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:47,500 Okay. 490 00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:50,533 So, your therapist and parole 491 00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:50,533 officer -- what happened? 492 00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:51,734 Eh, long story. 493 00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:53,600 [ Laughter ] 494 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:55,367 Why don't you have a seat 495 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:55,367 right on the couch? 496 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,033 Murr: 497 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,033 Now power-walk into the kitchen. 498 00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,233 [ Record scratches ] 499 00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,867 [ Laughter ] 500 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:03,700 "What's up with him?" 501 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:05,767 [ Laughter ] 502 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,900 Man: 503 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,900 So, what do you do? 504 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,200 Slowly raise the glass up 505 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,200 higher and higher 506 00:12:08,233 --> 00:12:09,266 as you talk to them. 507 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,367 Well, I mean, I work. 508 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,367 I'm hardly ever here. 509 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,567 I'm out of town, 510 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,567 so you have to, 511 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,934 you know, just keep 512 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,934 in touch and stuff. 513 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:19,300 And I was gone for, like, 514 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:19,300 three weeks. 515 00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:24,033 But normally, you know, 50, 516 00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:24,033 60 hours a work week I put in. 517 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:25,367 Joe: Sal, you think 518 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:25,367 you can keep talking, 519 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,633 take the water from her, 520 00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,600 and just have both hands up 521 00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,600 with cups of water? 522 00:12:28,633 --> 00:12:29,800 Yeah. 523 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,333 Also shared with me 524 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,333 the same thing, too. 525 00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,600 She said that, too. 526 00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,600 Mm-hmm. 527 00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:35,400 [ Laughter ] 528 00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,633 Just sit on the floor. 529 00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:42,100 Lay flat on the floor. 530 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,333 Have you seen other places 531 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,333 in the neighborhood 532 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:51,233 that are comparable? 533 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,467 Start pushing yourself back. 534 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,100 Joe: 535 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:57,100 Just keep moving away. 536 00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:01,400 -Just go as far as you can. 537 00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:01,400 -This place is great. 538 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:05,700 I like to just, like, see 539 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:05,700 everything that I can and -- 540 00:13:05,734 --> 00:13:06,767 I'm totally cool. 541 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,400 Like, I'm laid back. 542 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,400 I like to have fun. 543 00:13:09,433 --> 00:13:11,834 So would you be ready 544 00:13:09,433 --> 00:13:11,834 to move in or... 545 00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:17,133 [ Laughter ] 546 00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:17,133 [ Buzzer ] 547 00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,033 Joe: Okay, let's see if Murr 548 00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,033 can bag a roomie. 549 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:20,900 Hi, man. 550 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,000 James. 551 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,000 Nice to meet you. 552 00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,200 How are you? 553 00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,200 What's your name? 554 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,667 -Sidan. 555 00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,667 -Thanks for coming by. 556 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,400 -No problem. 557 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,400 -What do you do, man? 558 00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,000 I do stocks 559 00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,000 in the neighborhood. 560 00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:29,367 Murray, match his excitement. 561 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,900 I'm originally 562 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,900 from Borough Park. 563 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:32,400 -Are you serious? 564 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:32,400 -Yeah! 565 00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:35,700 [bleep] yeah, man! 566 00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:35,700 That's awesome, bro! 567 00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:37,000 That's awesome! 568 00:13:39,967 --> 00:13:41,967 Murray doesn't know 569 00:13:39,967 --> 00:13:41,967 what to do right now. 570 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,367 Murray is outmatched. 571 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,667 [ Laughter ] 572 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,000 "Follow me, follow me, 573 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,000 follow me!" 574 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,500 Dude, follow me around. 575 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,500 Man, this is awesome. 576 00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:49,900 We've got 577 00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:49,900 the kitchen over here. 578 00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:52,233 You know, we've got 579 00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:52,233 bedroom closet over here. 580 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,867 [bleep] 581 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,867 -Now back to the other room. 582 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,734 And here we can totally 583 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,734 have like parties out here. 584 00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:59,567 We can -- seriously, 585 00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:59,567 we can [bleep] rock, man. 586 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,000 You know what I mean? 587 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:02,500 Sidan: 588 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:02,500 I love this guy. 589 00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:04,033 Jump over the furniture. 590 00:14:04,066 --> 00:14:09,433 [ Laughter ] 591 00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:10,300 You are the best! 592 00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:17,767 [ Laughter ] 593 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,934 So what do you say? 594 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,934 You want to move in? 595 00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:21,533 Yeah! 596 00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:21,533 [ Ding! ] 597 00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:22,867 Calm down, you idiot. 598 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,667 He looks like 599 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,667 he's trying to take off. 600 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,734 I am so glad I didn't have 601 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,734 to do any of this. 602 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,333 That's attractive. 603 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,333 Do that on national television. 604 00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:33,133 Narrator: Sal found himself 605 00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:33,133 a nice little place -- 606 00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:35,600 last place. 607 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,100 We're here at the longest line 608 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,100 in Manhattan. 609 00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:40,667 Murr: These people have been 610 00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:40,667 waiting for hours 611 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,834 to get discount 612 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,834 Broadway tickets. 613 00:14:42,867 --> 00:14:44,533 What do we have to do, 614 00:14:42,867 --> 00:14:44,533 gentlemen? 615 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,633 Cut that line. 616 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:46,967 You've got to score 617 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:46,967 those tickets. 618 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:52,934 You get thrown off the line, 619 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:52,934 you lose. 620 00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:55,033 Joe: Here goes Murray. 621 00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:55,033 He's going. 622 00:14:55,066 --> 00:14:58,100 Sal: He's walking right -- 623 00:14:55,066 --> 00:14:58,100 oh, my God. 624 00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:00,467 Q: And he's in. 625 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,400 [ Laughter ] 626 00:15:02,433 --> 00:15:05,233 The guy was in shock 627 00:15:02,433 --> 00:15:05,233 and didn't say anything. 628 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,767 Part of me hopes 629 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,767 Murray gets arrested. 630 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,100 [ Laughs ] 631 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,233 Part of you? 632 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,233 All of me. 633 00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:12,066 Every part of me 634 00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:12,066 hopes Murray gets arrested. 635 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:16,166 I cannot believe how far 636 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:16,166 he's making it. 637 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,400 He keeps bumping into people 638 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,600 while he's doing this 639 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,600 fake picture-take thing. 640 00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:21,433 Sorry. 641 00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:21,433 Excuse me. 642 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,700 [ Record scratches, 643 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,700 siren wailing ] 644 00:15:23,734 --> 00:15:25,333 [ Chuckling ] Oh. 645 00:15:23,734 --> 00:15:25,333 He's been spotted. 646 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:27,100 ♪♪ 647 00:15:30,066 --> 00:15:32,266 We're not -- 648 00:15:30,066 --> 00:15:32,266 We're just friends right now. 649 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,033 We used to be together, 650 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,033 and now -- 651 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:35,133 She's not with me at all. 652 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,367 She doesn't want to be 653 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,367 with me anymore. 654 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,233 [ Laughter ] 655 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,433 I know, but our relationship 656 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,433 issue isn't really something 657 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:43,633 I'd like to discuss. 658 00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:46,233 I know. 659 00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:47,900 [ Laughing ] 660 00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:47,900 Look at his face! 661 00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,300 No, no. 662 00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,300 Not at all, not at all. 663 00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:50,767 I'll step out. 664 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,600 All: Oh! 665 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,600 [ Buzzer ] 666 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:54,633 [ Laughter ] 667 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,967 Joe: 668 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,967 Yeah, Sal's going in. 669 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,734 Q: This is the worst thing 670 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,734 in the world. 671 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:01,633 Joe: Oh, he's gonna try 672 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:01,633 to do the unclip. 673 00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,767 I think he's going about this 674 00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,767 the wrong way. 675 00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:11,500 Oh, I went around. 676 00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:13,300 I went to the front, and then 677 00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:13,300 I went back in the side 678 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:15,600 and came back through, 679 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:15,600 and then I ended up here. 680 00:16:15,633 --> 00:16:17,567 [ Laughing ] Oh, my God. 681 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,100 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 682 00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:21,000 Q: Now he's in the soup. 683 00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:27,900 No, this is my good friends. 684 00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:31,367 Everybody here 685 00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:31,367 is a friend of mine. 686 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,667 [ Laughter ] 687 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,433 Let him know 688 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,433 that we're together. 689 00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:38,000 Let him know we're together. 690 00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:41,367 No, I-I-I-I... 691 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,100 No, what happened was... 692 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:46,300 [ Laughter ] 693 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:46,300 [ Buzzer ] 694 00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:48,133 ♪♪ 695 00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:49,200 There he goes. 696 00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:50,667 Sorry. 697 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,367 Larry?! 698 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:53,367 Larry?! 699 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,233 I was calling you, Larry! 700 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,400 Larry! 701 00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:58,367 [ Laughter ] 702 00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,734 He's cutting the whole -- 703 00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:00,600 [ Laughs ] He was... 704 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:04,266 Larry! 705 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,733 Larry! 706 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:10,000 He's cutting the whole line 707 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:10,000 by simply shouting "Larry." 708 00:17:10,032 --> 00:17:11,599 Larry! 709 00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:13,333 Larry! 710 00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:13,333 Larry! 711 00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:15,200 I was calling you! 712 00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,333 It is foolproof. He's cutting 713 00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,333 everyone and no one. 714 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,433 Larry! 715 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,433 I was looking for ya. 716 00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:22,900 [ Laughter ] 717 00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:31,600 No, he's not Larry. 718 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,867 Oh. That's a shame. 719 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,867 Wasn't Larry. 720 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,900 [ Buzzer ] 721 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,900 [ Laughter ] 722 00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:38,567 Excuse me one second. 723 00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:38,567 Pardon me. 724 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,400 Joe: Look, he's going right 725 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,400 to the front. 726 00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:42,333 I'm sorry about that. 727 00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:43,767 I don't wait on lines. 728 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,700 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 729 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,700 Pardon me. 730 00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:47,867 I just don't wait on lines, 731 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,100 so I'm just gonna get 732 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,100 "Lion King" tickets. 733 00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,834 Hey, can I get two 734 00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,834 for "The Lion King"? 735 00:17:50,867 --> 00:17:53,000 [ Laughter ] 736 00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:54,967 Thank you. 737 00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:54,967 [ Laughter ] 738 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,567 [ Ding! ] 739 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,467 Narrator: Joe, Murr, 740 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,467 and Sal couldn't cut the line, 741 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,266 making Sal tonight's big loser. 742 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,200 We're here at the bookstore 743 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,200 to punish Sal. 744 00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:06,300 Congrats, buddy. 745 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:08,633 You are the author 746 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:08,633 of a brand-new book. 747 00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,700 And we have set up 748 00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,700 a book-reading 749 00:18:10,734 --> 00:18:12,433 with people from a book club. 750 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,133 And they're here 751 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,133 to meet the author. 752 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,934 Sal's going to read an excerpt 753 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,934 from the book 754 00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:17,800 that we wrote for him. 755 00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:22,066 ♪♪ 756 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,266 Joe: Okay, so, what 757 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,266 Sal doesn't know 758 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,533 is that his book 759 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,533 is completely blank. 760 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,667 Q: He's gonna have to make it up 761 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,667 as he goes along. 762 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:28,767 He's on his own, man. 763 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,433 That's what happens 764 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,433 when you lose. 765 00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,667 My name is Sal Vulcano. 766 00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,667 I'm a new author. 767 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,467 And I was gonna read an excerpt 768 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,467 for you guys 769 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,500 from the book today. 770 00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:40,800 ♪♪ 771 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:41,900 Murr: 772 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:41,900 Congrats, buddy. 773 00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:44,300 You are the author 774 00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:44,300 of a brand-new book. 775 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,433 We have set up 776 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,433 a book-reading downstairs 777 00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,633 with a bunch of people 778 00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,633 from a book club, 779 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,367 and they're here 780 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,367 to meet the author. 781 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,633 Joe: Okay, 782 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,633 so, what Sal doesn't know 783 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,467 is that his book 784 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,467 is completely blank. 785 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,233 Q: He's gonna have to make it up 786 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,233 as he goes along. 787 00:18:56,266 --> 00:19:00,033 Hi, everyone. 788 00:18:56,266 --> 00:19:00,033 How are you? 789 00:19:00,066 --> 00:19:02,033 How's everyone doing? 790 00:19:00,066 --> 00:19:02,033 Thank you for coming. 791 00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:03,567 Thank Book Culture 792 00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:03,567 for having me. 793 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,800 My name is Sal Vulcano. 794 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,800 I'm a new author. 795 00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,400 This is my first published work. 796 00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:08,967 And I was gonna read an excerpt 797 00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:08,967 for you guys 798 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,633 from the book today. 799 00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:14,033 The book is called 800 00:19:14,066 --> 00:19:17,333 "Keeping the Faith: My Battle 801 00:19:14,066 --> 00:19:17,333 with Chronic Flatulence." 802 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,266 [ Laughter ] 803 00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,667 It's a very raw book. 804 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,400 I don't pull any punches. 805 00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:25,700 Okay, so, I'll begin. 806 00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:28,367 [ Laughter ] 807 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,166 [ Chuckles ] Yeah. 808 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,500 Um, okay. 809 00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:37,600 [ Laughter ] 810 00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:41,266 Uh... 811 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:45,266 Just making sure they marked 812 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:45,266 the right page for me. 813 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,467 Yeah. 814 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,467 Uh... 815 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:51,266 [ Laughter ] 816 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,967 It began when I was just a baby. 817 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,767 The nurses and doctors, 818 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,767 they suspected 819 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:02,700 that there may be 820 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:02,700 an internal intestinal issue, 44537

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.