Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Oh, God.

Damn super.

Oh, hell, it's the machine.

Guys, it's three in the morning.

Alexei, I know you're there.

Come on, you can't be asleep.

You don't work.

What could you possibly be tired from?

You know, we didn't knock down the Berlin

Wall so you could import your Soviet-style

incompetence to the Bronx.

So put the vodka bottle down, get up

here and fix my sink.

Becker, shut up.

I'm trying to sleep.

Cram it, Grandquist.

Don't you have anything better to do than

stay up all night waiting for me to

make noise?

I never have to wait long.

Damn neighbors.

And fix my damn lights.

You can add one more to the list

of people I'd like to kill.

My super.

I've been chasing after him for days to

fix my apartment.

I've been banging on his door, leaving angry

notes on his car, even left a string

of curse words on his answering machine, and

still the bastard won't return my call, which

to me is just rude.

You know what I think is rude?

Oh, yeah, and to top it off, I'm

paying 450 bucks a month for that crap

hole, which you'd think would entitle...

Hold on, hold on.

Your rent is only $450?

Now, how's that possible?

Let's just say they didn't tell I came

along and they had trouble renting it.

Anyway...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What kind of trouble?

Nothing that a chalk eraser, some bleach, and

a few open windows couldn't take care of.

You live in a dead guy's apartment?

It's a very old city.

Everyone lives in a dead guy's apartment.

Oh, yeah, and to boot, you know, my

next-door nightmare, Grenquist, has, like, bionic hearing.

I so much as breathe, he bangs on

the wall.

That must be so awful.

Oh, tell me about it.

No, I mean, how much would it suck

to live next door to you?

A bit of coffee and a muffin to

go.

Oh, and, uh, can I use the men's

room?

Sure, it's right through there.

Oh, only you don't want the door that

says men, that's actually the women's room, but

the W-O is missing.

You want the door that says me, which

is men without the N.

It's the second door on the right.

Rosebud?

Citizen Kane?

Sorry, I'm all out.

Why don't you stay out?

Bad news.

Looks like Linda's kicking Bob out of her

apartment.

Ah, the tribe has spoken.

And I don't even know what I did.

Last night, I'm on her computer surfing the

net when all of a sudden she marches

in, tells me to put my clothes on,

and get out.

So now I have to find a new

place to live, which means I gotta go

out and get a job.

I'm telling you, it never ends.

Hey, how tough could it be, Bob?

I mean, find something you're good at, wouldn't

mind doing for eight hours a day.

That's what I was doing on the computer.

That'll be $1.75. Well, it's a pretty

nice place.

I'm, uh, working construction a few blocks over.

I'll be sure to tell the guys.

Thanks.

This could be great for business.

Maybe I could make a working man's special.

You know, I'm in here every day.

Why don't you make a John Becker's special?

Oh, I would, except for who'd buy a

sandwich made of crab, bologna, and bull...

Hey!

Okay, okay, I know I'm late, but I

have to go.

I have a really good excuse, and this

time it's the truth.

I had it out with Bob last night.

Well, actually, Bob had it out, but that's

another story.

Anyway, I told him to find a new

place.

Well, it was very Christian of you to

take him in for as long as you

did.

Hey, you have an extra room at your

house, don't you?

You tell that little termite where I live,

I swear I'll take you both out.

Morning, John.

Mrs. Bayer is in two.

Fine.

Does Super My Billing call back yet?

No.

Aw, damn, Alexi.

I know.

Yeah, he's the laziest person I've ever met.

You're right.

It's just another pain-in-the-ass thing

to add to the list of pain-in

-the-ass things that make up my life.

Oh, it's terrible, John.

You shouldn't have to put up with that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

What was that about?

Who knows?

It's just easier if I agree with him.

You are so right.

Hello, Mrs. Bayer.

Oh, I'm glad you came in today.

I think getting a flu shot's very important

this year.

You don't have D.L. I finally got

that hearing aid.

Oh, well, good for you.

That's terrific.

Glad to hear that.

Boy, you know, I can't believe the kind

of day I'm having.

I swear, life is hard enough without having

to navigate the gauntlet of idiots out there.

Noisy neighbors, lousy drivers, incompetent workmen, you know,

rude cabbie.

Solve it in one day, though, am I?

Well, that should do it for a year,

Mrs. Bayer.

You know, I gotta say, I think the

hearing aid's gonna improve the quality of your

life.

It already has.

Excuse me.

This guy, Chris Duff, is moving into the

building next door, but he's not in yet.

Do you mind signing for him?

Oh, sure, no problem.

So someone finally bought that apartment.

I heard he bought the whole building.

Well, thanks.

Hmm.

Chris Duff.

Bought the whole building.

Intriguing.

What is?

Margaret, this is a case of imported French

wine.

From France.

A new low, Linda.

You are now hitting on a cardboard box.

But, Margaret, this guy, Chris, is perfect.

He's rich, he's sophisticated.

And for all you know, he could be

married.

Margaret, please.

If he's rich and sophisticated, his marriage isn't

gonna mean anything.

Hey, Reg, there are people in here.

What's going on?

The place is full of construction workers.

Terrific.

So business must be good.

What business?

They're not ordering anything.

They just came in here to use the

bathroom.

Tough luck, Reg.

They're also reading your magazines.

Oh, that sucks.

No kidding.

One guy used the men's room, they turned

my restaurant into a public bathroom, Well, it

didn't have far to go.

I mean, you put a condom machine where

the register is, and you're there.

Uh...

Yeah.

Ow!

May I help you?

Yeah.

Can I get a glass of water?

Oh, come on, look at the line.

The last thing you guys need is more

water.

In fact, you know what?

Either order something or get out.

Okay, okay, relax.

I'll have a roast beef sandwich.

You have roast beef?

Well, the government says I can call it

roast beef.

Hey, Hardhat, Bob looking for work.

What exactly do you guys do?

Oh, well, we start around 7.

Forget it.

Hey, Reg, there are people in here.

What's going on?

Long story.

You see what happened?

Oh, then never mind.

Coffee to go.

Hey, Jake, I love what you're doing with

your hair.

My hair?

What am I doing with my hair?

Well, I don't care what anybody says.

I like it.

Bob, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be out looking for work

and a new place to live.

Yeah, well, for your information, I just finished

an interview in the construction field.

And plus, don't forget, I still got my

backup plan.

Bob, we discussed this.

The Mexican lottery is not a backup plan.

Oh, hey, don't forget your sandwich.

Yeah, right.

I work on a construction site, lady.

I bring you my lunch.

You jerk!

I hope you choke on your lunch and

die!

So, have a nice day.

Wasn't working for you?

Hey, there are people in here.

What's going on?

Oh, they're all waiting for the bathroom.

Oh.

Uh, then just coffee, please.

It doesn't have to do with the food.

They work down the street.

They just come in here to pee.

Well, now, cheer up, Reg.

You know, as a restaurant, this place is

a toilet, but as a toilet, it could

be really special.

Hell hole.

Companies reporting their earnings.

First of all, Tyco.

Internet service provider reporting four quarter results at

12 cents a share.

I turned it down.

What do you want?

Hey, to hell with you, Gregg Twist.

I'll play my TV as loud as I

want.

Ambrose is expected very active after reporting a

set of unexpected results and forecasting swaths of...

So, I called Alexi about fixing my shower.

Are you guys talking about the super?

Because I've had it with him.

You know, he's lazy, he's incompetent, and I

want him gone.

What's going on?

It's Alexi.

He's dead.

Oh, my God.

What happened?

He had a massive heart attack.

Well, I had no idea.

I mean, I feel terrible.

Such a shock.

Do you think it's too soon to start

talking about getting someone good in here?

That's a little rude.

Oh, yeah?

What about you, Gregg Twist?

What was all that banging on the wall

last night?

You know, I was trying to watch TV.

I didn't bang on the wall last night.

I was visiting my sister in Jersey.

Yeah, right.

No one was even in my apartment.

Well, except for poor Alexi.

He was re-caulking my shower.

Alexi?

Yeah, I found the body.

Funny thing, though.

He was in the living room holding a

hammer, and there was a hole in the

wall, like he was pounding or something.

Yeah, the paramedics think that he was calling

out for help.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my God!

That must have been the banging you heard.

Alexi dying!

I didn't hear banging.

You ignored the pleas of a dying man?

No, I thought I was ignoring you!

And you call yourself a doctor?

You know, it's just so sad that it

takes something like this to bring us all

together.

Oh, my God.