Original subtitles

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All right, Miss Grey, how many more?

Only these. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

Good. What time does the New York plane get in?

5:55.

And it takes 40 minutes to get to the airport.

We'll give that call from Canada

5 more minutes, and then you'd better...

[telephone rings]

Ah!

Hello?

Oh, thank you. It's Lady Broadbent. She's on her way up.

- Good. - Do you think she'd like a cup of tea?

I'm sure she would.

- Ooh! - Ooh!

Oh, darling!

I didn't frighten you, did I?

No. I thought it was Miss Grey.

Oh. Well, I'm not late, am I... Miss Grey?

No! No! No! You're not late.

You're early for a change. Come and sit down.

Miss Grey is getting you a cup of tea.

Oh, don't.

We don't have to go until 5:00. I've got a call coming through from Canada.

At least, I hope it is.

Important? You looked worried when I came in.

Yeah. I was a bit.

You do take sugar in your tea?

Oh! Yes, I do. Thank you so much. How's your mother?

Oh, she's a little better, thank you,

now that the weather's changed.

How nice.

Oh! Ha ha! You know, darling, we really should use tea on our garden.

This plant seems to thrive on it.

Oh, shut up, darling.

Darling, are you scared stiff, too?

Oh, no. No. I'm not scared of it. Not in the least.

I just hope that you sort of get on. That's all.

- What happens if we don't? - Why shouldn't you?

Because all children hate their stepmothers.

She won't hate this one, darling.

You know, what'll I do with her?

I mean...she's never been in England.

She may not like London. She won't know anybody.

But, darling, you know how awful people can be to young girls

who don't know... that's not really a very good photograph.

It was taken two years ago.

She's not that unattractive. She's not a raving beauty.

You haven't been to America for two years.

She could have turned into a nightmare.

Oh, darling, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.

It's only my nerves.

I know, love.

Oh, Miss Grey!

Oh!

Oh, thank you.

- Jimmy? - Yes, love?

- Darling, wish me luck. - Good luck, darling.

Tell them to put the Canadian call through to the flat after 7:00.

We should be back by then if the plane's on time.

The tea was lovely, Miss Grey. It went down very well.

Thank you, Lady Broadbent, and good luck!

Thank you, Miss Grey.

That can't be her!

It is.

She's beautiful!

Are you sure you have everything?

- Jane? - Hello, Dad.

Jane, you look wonderful! What's happened?

Old age, I guess. How are you?

Fine. Jane, this is Sheila.

Why, you're beautiful!

Is there any reason why she shouldn't be?

You look terrible on those wedding pictures, but you are lovely.

Oh, come on. You don't look so bad to me yourself.

Let's go. My car's outside.

[woman] Sheila!

Sheila! Do come this way.

Would you mind putting our bags in the front seat?

- Who's that? - It's Mabel Claremont and her daughter.

She's Sheila's second cousin twice removed, and twice isn't far enough.

Why? what's wrong with her? I think she looks like fun.

She is really, but Jimmy thinks she talks a bit too much.

Her tongue runs on atomic energy.

I haven't seen you since the wedding.

- Hello, Jimmy. You know Clarissa, don't you? - Yes.

- Who's this? - My daughter Jane.

- Your daughter? - Yes. She just got off the plane from America.

I forgot you were married before to an American, weren't you?

But what a lovely child she is.

- How old are you, dear? - 17.

We're just down in London for the season.

We nipped up to Scotland just to freshen Clarissa up for the weekend.

You know, she's a debutante. She's coming out this year.

- Clarissa, darling. - Yes, Mommy?

Do tell Jane all about the season.

You know, we have to be going.

I've got a business call at 7:00.

Yes. Mabel, darling, do call us.

But we can't part now!

I've got so much to tell you.

Why don't we all squeeze into your car,

and I'll simply get rid of mine?

Chauffeur, do be kind enough to bring my bags

and put them in here, will you?

Do be an absolute angel and go and take care of him.

He's just a hired car, sweetheart.

Oh, isn't this lovely?

Oh, I can't think of anything nicer

than being married to a banker, darling.

What wonderful things to photograph here!

I'm going to have a field day with my camera.

- There's one thing you mustn't miss. - What's that?

The changing of the guards.

It's so colorful, and we'll be just in time.

Mommy, can't we stop off at Whitehall?

- Oh, Daddy, can we? - I've got that call.

I'll get out with Jane, and we can walk back.

Good idea. Edwards, let the girls out.

Don't get kicked, darling.

Oh, Mommy!

And do be careful crossing the roads.

I'll wait for you at Sheila's.

[trumpet fanfare]

Oh, it's wonderful!

It was sweet of you, Clarissa.

It's sweet of you. It gave me an excuse.

What for?

Do you see that officer?

- Which one? - The one in the red uniform.

What's he? Montgomery or something?

He's called David Fenner.

What's his story?

I'm in love with him.

He looks great from here. Is he in love with you?

I don't know. Do you think he can see us?

No. Not unless he's got a periscope.

I'll see him at the ball tonight.

[fanfare]

- Come on. Let's go and have some tea. - OK.

Once a year, there's a debutantes' ball called Queen Charlotte's,

and all the debutantes are dressed in white,

and it's great fun and they curtsey.

- You mean you go dancing every night? - Yes, nearly.

- Why? - It's the season.

You keep telling me it's the season. What is the season exactly?

The London season. Mothers launch their daughters when they're 17.

Launch them? You mean break a bottle over them?

No, not exactly. It's called coming out. The mothers do it.

What about the fathers?

They just pay.

- For what? - For the balls.

Each mother gives a ball for her own daughter,

so her daughter can be asked to the other balls.

- Do you sleep all day? - Oh, no. It goes on in the daytime, too.

There's Ascot and Wimbledon and Goodwood,

and the presentation parties to the queen...

This year, at least. This is the last year, because the queen's

decided that it's out of date.

You know, I think the queen's got something there.

I've been a mother now for quite some time,

but for the first time, I'm beginning to feel like one.

It's absolutely wonderful.

It's so nostalgic sitting out the dances,

watching like our mothers did when we came out.

I never came out.

What? My dear, I am so very sorry.

Naturally, I had sort of took it for granted.

What a pity. It was money, I suppose, in those days.

- No. Hitler. - Hitler! Ha ha!

Darling! Don't tell me you weren't 17 before the war.

Oh, darling, I'm telling you.

Actually, of course, I just barely made it myself.

You poor darling. What a tragedy.

You don't know what you missed.

She didn't miss a thing.

Listen to him! He adored it!

Adored it? It was undiluted hell.

All right for you women, but for a man...

You try it, Mabel. Try going to work at 9:00 with an almighty hangover,

and then coming back at 6:30 and putting on a straitjacket again.

Try going to bed when everybody else is getting up,

and then try getting up with both your eyes so sealed...

as a matter of fact, just try getting up.

[telephone rings]

Hello? Hold on.

It's that Canadian call. I'll take it in the other room.

We've got invitations to every single night

of the season except one...July 14.

You know, I'm terribly glad that Clarissa's decided to do it.

I do feel that there's sort of a stamp attached if you don't.

I'm terribly sorry, darling. I forgot.

Hello!

Hi!

Get your picture?

Yes. It was wonderful.

Oh, what a lovely room.

Thank you.

Clarissa, darling, do hold yourself up.

I am, Mommy.

- No, darling. You're slouching. - Sorry, Mommy.

It's no good being sorry if you don't do something about it.

Sorry, Mommy.

Look at Jane.

All I can say is, it's a good thing she's not coming out.

She'd show you up in no time.

- But she is. - What?

Jane is coming out.

- Me? - [Sheila] Yes.

Making my debut?

Yes. You see, darling, Jimmy and I thought...

well, we didn't want to worry you till you got here.

But, darling, why on Earth didn't you say so?

You never gave me a chance, Mabel.

Oh, no, Sheila. It's out of the question.

I'm absolutely no good at this sort of thing.

I wouldn't even know what to do.

[Sheila] believe me, you'll have a triumph.

It's so exciting and it's such fun, Jane.

And you know, all the arrangements are made for your dance.

You...you're giving a dance for me?

Of course we are!

We borrowed Jimmy's mother's house.

I haven't had an invitation yet, darling.

Uh...they're not out yet.

I hope you'll ask us when you do.

Well, naturally.

Oh, lovely. What date is it, darling?

Date? It's, um... you know, the 14th of July.

[Jimmy] Well, that's all right. Everything's fine in Canada.

Hello, Clarissa.

Ah, welcome, Jane.

Get the pictures?

Oh, yes. They were terrific.

Good. You wait till you see the trooping of the color

at the queen's birthday parade. That's even more terrific.

- [Sheila] Jimmy? - Yes, darling?

I've broken the news to Jane.

I've told Mabel, and now they know all about it.

All about what?

Ha ha! All about July 14.

July 14...you mean the Bastille?

No, darling. About Jane. About Jane's...

about my debut, Dad.

About your... about her debut?

Yes. Jane's coming-out ball on July 14.

July 14?

Oh, darling, your memory! It's unbelievable.

Where's you diary?

I spend my entire life doing this.

Now, here... Now, here we are.

Now, read it out aloud,

or Mabel will think I've done the whole thing from jealousy.

"July 14: Jane's coming-out ball."

Well done, darling. My love, you've been working too hard.

Are you going to the ball tonight, Jane?

No. I think Jane should have a couple of days to settle in.

I long to know which one she's starting off with.

- Whose is it, darling? - Next Friday.

St. Aspath! That's it!

That was last week, Mommy.

Oh, yes. How silly. It's the, um...

Mrs. Arthur Milligan. That's wonderful. We're going, too.

You know, I should be making one of these for you.

And you know? I just might take it.

[big band music playing]

Mr. and Mrs. Walter Carr

and Miss Ellen Carr.

[woman] But how nice of you to come. I'm so glad you did.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and miss Jane Broadbent.

Oh, Zoe, how sweet of you.

Linda, how heavenly you look.

A lovely dress! Do you know Jane?

- Hello. - Hello.

What a lovely party.

Absolutely beautiful.

Lovely.

Well, Mrs. Milligan's done us proud.

Hasn't she? What about her husband?

- What about him? - He wasn't there.

Perhaps she hasn't got one.

Oh, darling, we just shook hands with the daughter.

That's no proof she's got a husband.

Oh, Jimmy.

Perhaps he's dead.

Oh. What a good idea.

Cricket, you see, is a game which consists of two teams of 11 players.

One team is at bat, and one team is fielding.

There are two batsmen on the batting team.

...because if it's hit by one of the batsmen...

Oh, darling, I'm so worried about her.

I think she's doing pretty well.

Oh, Jimmy, really!

She's danced with lots of people.

Yes, once, but nobody ever asks her twice.

I mean she's not interested in these boys, and they know it.

Now, now. Look at her now. She's bored to death.

Looks all right to me.

Oh.

Why is it that men never notice anything?

What is there to notice?

Nothing, if you spend the entire evening in the bar.

What bar?

You might at least have had the grace

to introduce her to a few nice young men.

- I don't know any. - A few nice old men, then.

They don't exist. Anyway, all my friends are middle-aged

and don't like dancing.

I've taken her around 3 times. Give me that, at least.

Jimmy?

What?

Who's that? Who's that?

- David Fenner. Sardine. - Who's David Fenner?

- Charlie Fenner's boy. - Who's Charlie Fenner?

- He's old Lord Fenner's son. - Would you know him?

I see him at the club.

Rumor has it he's twice as big a bore as Charlie, if such a thing is possible.

Wait, darling. Do come along and introduce me.

Oh, David, darling boy!

We thought you were never going to get here, didn't we, Clarissa?

Clarissa, what a lovely dress.

Now where did you buy that?

From a little woman in Pont Street.

Mommy! She's the most enormous woman I've ever met.

David, you know Sheila, don't you?

No.

Oh, no. Of course you don't.

Uh, may I introduce my wife?

Darling, this is David Fenner.

How do you do?

How do you do?

I say, I'm most frightfully sorry I'm late.

David came all the way from Windsor Barracks just to see Clarissa.

The traffic was appalling.

Not too bad on the bypass,

but I got completely blocked up in Staines.

How well do you know Staines?

Not intimately.

It's a bottleneck.

Is it?

I nearly went by Slough,

but Eton High Street can be simply beastly.

Can it?

Oh, yes. If you get a bus in front of you,

you've had it till you get to Slough.

Fancy.

Of course, if you go by Datchet, it's even worse.

The way I should have gone is by the Dorney Road.

You turn right by Eton College Chapel,

and then left just before you get to the lower chapel,

then you go 3 or 4 miles across Dorney Common,

until you come to the Great West Road,

then turn east.

But then, of course, you've still got Slough ahead.

[Sheila] David.

David, you don't know Jane, do you?

No.

Jane, this is David Fenner.

Hello.

How do you do?

Oh, Sheila,

that Lord St. Aspath chap's been looking for you.

I say, what a funny accent.

Funny?

Jane's mother's American. That's Jimmy's first wife.

Oh, you're Jane!

I saw you with Clarissa

on parade one afternoon.

You did?

I say, would you like to dance?

Oh, no. I...

Oh, she adores dancing!

She's mad about it. Aren't you, darling?

Darling, you must be tired.

I know how it is.

I had to nurse Clarissa through her first ball.

[Jimmy] Sheila, for heaven's sake, hurry up.

They're playing a waltz.

Couldn't think of doing a waltz without you.

Are you going to Wimbledon this year?

I don't know. Are you?

No. I went last year, though.

I turned left over Chelsea Bridge

and it took me straight there along the Brighton Road.

Are you doing Goodwood Races?

I don't know.

If you are, and you're going down from London,

it's a good idea to go by Harting.

It saves all that main-road traffic on the Midhurst Road.

Thank you.

Not a bit.

Oh, hello.

Oh, all right.

- Large whiskey, please. - Sorry, sir. We're all out of whiskey.

- Give me a brandy and soda. - I'm afraid we don't have any of that either.

What is that?

Champagne, sir.

Give me that.

- I beg your pardon. - I'm sorry.

If horses went to dances, they'd be in clover.

They'd sleep standing up.

Are you a regular?

Well, yes. I guess you'd say I am.

What do you do it for? The food?

No, the money.

Oh, I see. You're a gigolo. Very interesting.

I've always wanted to meet someone like you.

I admire the hours you keep. I think it's an example to us all.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

What do you do then?

- I play the drums. - The drums?

Hmm-mm, in the band. Not that one. My band goes on at 2:00.

I see. Tell me, is it easy?

I was going to be a drummer

till my father shoved me in the bank.

- Oh, really? - I ran my own band at school.

Simply wonderful! Wonderful!

Hector! Come along.

I say what a beauty. Where'd you find her, Hector?

You all right?

Isn't that David Fenner divine?

Sheila, he's a drip, and you know it.

Oh, darling, I'm sure he isn't when you get to know him.

I'm not risking it.

Did you like any of the boys you've danced with this evening?

No.

But you like dancing, don't you?

Yes, but not with them.

Well, you mean they don't dance properly?

Oh, yes, they do. They couldn't dance more properly.

That's exactly what's wrong.

What do you mean, darling?

Well, look at them.

They all dance like they're going for a walk,

except that you're walking backwards.

That's not what dancing's for.

I mean when natives dance in Africa, it means something.

What does it mean?

They're making love.

Are they?

I don't mean literally.

It's in the early stages,

but they're warming up for it.

That's why they do it. Otherwise they wouldn't do it.

They'd go out for a walk instead.

Darling, they're primitive.

Love is primitive.

I...I suppose you're right.

That's what I like about them...

they're honest, and we're not.

They know what dancing's for.

If it's not for that, it's not for anything.

[tapping jazz rhythm]

Now, try it double time.

[beat quickens]

It's a paradiddle.

Paradiddle! That's it.

You know, you've got pretty good coordination.

Thank you very much. I'm all right up here.

It's when I get to the bass pedal that I get stuck.

That's simple. You do the paradiddle.

Bam-bam-bam-bam, bam-bam-bam-bam.

Ah, yes.

Hello, darling. This is my wife.

Oh, I've forgotten your name.

Parkson. David Parkson.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Parkson. Parkson...

are you by any chance related to Mary Parkson?

You know, darling, Mary Parkson's the...

No, no, no. He's an American.

American? Oh, how wonderful!

You must meet Jimmy's daughter.

She's an American, too. Jane, darling.

This is her first ball, and she enjoys dancing so much.

- I do hope you enjoy dancing! - Yes, I do.

That's wonderful. Jane, darling, this is David Parkson.

- Hello. - How do you do, Jane?

Oh, this tune drives me out of my mind.

Yes! Let's mix it up a bit.

Yes.

[humming]

I think we're supposed to dance.

Looks that way, doesn't it?

Oh, Jimmy! At last she's enjoying herself!

Look at her. She's radiant.

At least he doesn't look as though he's talking about a traffic jam.

American?

Well, it's not papa, so I guess it must be mama.

Actually, it's just the other way around with me.

My Dad's American, and my mom's Italian.

Your Dad said you've just come over.

Yes. This is my first ball.

How are you liking it?

Fine. Do you go to balls often?

Too often.

Don't you like them?

Well, I like this one.

What do you do in the daytime?

Sleep.

Don't you do any work?

Well, sure.

When?

Well, right now, actually.

You see those drums?

Mm-hmm.

well, I play them.

Oh, how wonderful!

Oh, darling, we must ask him to dine tomorrow night

and to take her to Susan Shelley's dance.

Do you play at lots of dances?

Yes. We're booked 4 nights a week for the whole season.

Good.

But I'll be missing some because I'm going to Italy tomorrow.

Why?

I've got a great-uncle there who's old and rather sick.

You won't be gone for long will you?

I hope not.

I hope not, too.

I enjoyed the dance very much.

So did I.

Would you please excuse me? I've got to go to work now.

Work?

[rock music playing]

Jimmy, you really are useless!

On the contrary. He has a damn fine sense of rhythm.

Excuse me. Would you care to dance?

Ooh! Ho!

Whoo!

Sheila... Sheila!

What happened, darling? Did that dreadful young man pick her up?

Oh, Mabel, don't be such a snob.

Snob? Because he's a drummer?

I couldn't care less if he's in a band!

It's when he's not in the band that I start worrying.

What do you mean?

Mean? You mean you don't know about him?

No!

Well, my dear, he's a menace.

Not one single girl in London is safe... not one!

Don't tell me you haven't heard about poor Brenda Bassington?

Good heavens! Is he the one?

Do you know about him?

I heard about it at the club. I didn't know it was him.

You seem to be the only one who doesn't know.

Know what, Mabel?

First of all, he's half-Italian,

and he claims to be a Portofino or a Positano.

I forget which, but the Bassingtons fell for it

and invited him for the weekend,

and that's when it happened.

What happened?

They found Brenda passed out on the bed.

- Who found her, Mabel? - Colonel Bassington, darling.

He heard a noise, went down the passageway, threw open the door,

and there she was.

[music grows louder]

[talking inaudibly]

...a whole flask of brandy!

Well, anyway, in the long run...

- ...and then he came back with the nuts. - What?

- Nuts. - Oh, I hadn't heard about the nuts.

- Is this yours? - Thank you very much.

Oh! Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.

Wouldn't you know it... Sheila would insist on dropping me at Harrod's.

Then I couldn't get a taxi in the rain for ages.

What at Harrod's?

She thought I was lunching there with Clarissa.

Where you, till I called?

No. Clarissa's out with David Fenner, actually,

and Sheila thinks that I'm out with Clarissa.

That makes everybody happy.

Have, uh... have you put off going to Italy?

No. My plane doesn't leave until 4:00.

Oh.

What's that?

Sherry. Would you like one?

- Please. - Miss?

Could we have another sherry, please?

Yes.

David, why did you call?

Because... because I wanted to.

You know, I've never had lunch with anyone alone before.

- How are you liking it? - A lot.

A lot more than your stepmother would,

if she knew you were here.

She wouldn't like it, would she?

No.

What...going out to lunch or going out to lunch with me?

I guess that's it.

Could be.

Why? because I played the drums?

That's what I thought at first, but...

I don't think it could be that.

You know, it isn't only Sheila who doesn't approve.

It's daddy, too.

Have you been in conference all night about me?

No. It was at breakfast.

Sheila said she was sorry she introduced you to me,

and you were a very undesirable fellow, and daddy nodded.

And what did you do?

I said you were very desirable.

Oh, thank you.

And then they changed the subject.

David, I...

It's a good idea. Let's change the subject, too.

May I return the compliment?

What compliment?

About being desirable.

David.

Jane, uh...

can we meet again after I come back from Italy?

Yes. I...I'd like that.

How long will you be away?

I don't know.

It depends on my great-uncle's condition. Maybe 2 or 3 weeks.

Oh, ages.

That isn't such a long time.

Besides, you'll be dancing all the time.

Yes. I suppose so.

I hope you enjoy it.

I'll try.

Dowager Duchess of Drayton

and Mr. Bradley Harper.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

How sweet of you.

How are you?

How beautiful you look.

Mr. and Mrs. Cookson and the Mrs. Cookson.

It's Sheila Broadbent.

I'm sure you're terribly busy,

but a few of us are giving a party,

and it would be so lovely if you could come.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I have another engagement.

I...I see, darling.

Some other time.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

You'd think the old left-hand drive would get you down a bit at first,

but it doesn't.

Any brandy left?

Sorry.

Oh, how's the scotch holding up?

Sorry.

[Fenner] There's absolutely nothing to it.

I got caught in a traffic block at Hyde Park corner

the other day for 14 1/2 minutes!

Well, it's not long.

There's only one way to solve the problem as far as I can see.

[Sheila] But, darling Robin, I asked you to come especially 3 weeks ago,

and I sincerely hoped that you would come...

I'm sorry, but I couldn't possibly come tonight.

I see.

Lord and Lady Broadbent...

Father gave it to me for my birthday, actually.

- It's a smashing little job. - Sounds fun.

You know, it does 70 in turns...

absolutely marvelous on the corners.

Divine.

You know the Portsmouth Road, the A-3? Yes, of course you do.

There's an absolutely beastly corner round about Hindhead.

Sounds ghastly.

Climbing up around the devil's punchbowl,

she goes up there like a bomb.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Mr. and Mrs. Cookson and the Mrs. Cookson.

Sir Charles and Lady Heathergill and Miss May Heathergill.

Lady Patricia Ealing.

The Dowager Duchess of Drayton and Mr. Bradley Harper.

Air Marshal Sir Edmond Demster,

Lady Demster, and Miss Sheila Demster.

Mr. John Hopgood.

Baron and Baby Laybent.

Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Darling!

I've been wondering which car park we should aim at.

Ascot high street of course would be an absolute shambles,

so I thought if we went from the Windsor Great Park,

then we could turn left and go right onto the course itself.

Oh! I'm so sorry!

Excuse me, will you?

[drumroll]

[playing God Save the Queen]

Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Sir Andrew Pengelly.

Sir John Manson and Miss Jane Miller.

The honorable Miss Susan Nelton.

My biggest problem was deciding at Scotch corner

whether to go by Newcastle or Carlisle.

Do you know what I did?

I decided to go by Howick.

Howick.

[Doorman] Lord and Lady Broadbent and Miss Jane Broadbent.

Lieutenant General sir Trevor Sinistraw...

Ohh!

What is it, my darling?

My poached egg.

What's the matter with it?

I don't like the way it's looking at me.

I think it thinks I'm bad.

Well, drink your orange juice.

Must I? It lowers my morale.

Well, darling, have some coffee.

That's not a bad idea.

I say, you look marvelous.

I don't know how you do it, considering we didn't get in till 3:00.

Darling, what were you drinking last night?

Everything I could lay my hands on.

Champagne, whiskey, cigarette ash, lipstick, lemonade.

Why don't you stick to one thing or the other?

The thing I was sticking to ran out so I went over to the other

and that ran out so I had to scavenge around among the empties.

Oh, don't! We're not going to let that happen at our ball.

It's bound to if I'm going to keep awake.

Darling, I don't mean you.

We must lay an adequate supply of drink.

I have. I've laid in everything from vodka

down to hashish cigarettes.

I'm aiming at complete unconsciousness.

Jimmy, isn't it exciting?

You realize it's tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night is Jane's ball!

I doubt I'll live to see it.

Don't be silly, darling.

Silly? I'm not being silly. This racket's killing me.

I'm nothing but a walking ulcer in full evening dress.

And for what, may I ask?

For Jane.

Oh. Well, what are the orders for tonight?

We're meeting Clarissa and Mabel at Quaglina's.

We're all having dinner there and then going on to Rhoda Gregson's dance.

You know I have slept since Sunday night?

I know, my love, but you mustn't give in now.

I'll get Miss Grey to get a table.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Is Mabel bringing a young man?

I expect so.

6. Are we?

- No. - Good.

- Are you in a dreadful hurry? - Yes.

Sit down. I've got to talk to you about Jane.

I'm awfully upset about her.

Why? what's wrong?

You may not believe this,

but I've been literally hanging on to that telephone for days.

I do. I got the bill this morning.

But, darling, nobody will come. Nobody!

I've been down Rhoda Gregson's list from A to Z,

and not one single solitary man will come and have dinner tonight.

There must be something wrong with Jane.

Perhaps there's something wrong with Rhoda Gregson's list.

It's Jane. She's no good with men.

She doesn't know any, and she doesn't want to know any.

She's a wise girl.

Darling, it isn't funny.

Now, you've got to talk to her.

- Why should I? - Because you're a man, and you can tell her

- what the young men want. - Don't be silly. Of course you can.

I'm sure they don't change that much.

You bet they don't.

- Then will you talk to her? - No, I will not.

Darling, you really are so selfish.

I've got to find a man for dinner tonight if it kills me.

Oh, I know. I'll try David Fenner.

I thought he was Clarissa's private property.

Nonsense. He's very fond of Jane.

I know he bores you to death, but I can't help that.

On the contrary, he fascinates me.

It's like talking to a signpost.

- Good morning. - Oh, hello, Jane. Did you sleep well?

Very well, and you?

I dozed off between the Alka Seltzer now and then.

- Good morning, Sheila. - Good morning, darling.

I'm going to have to get dressed.

Jimmy, it's tails.

What? To the office?

No...for tonight.

Darling, have you got David Fenner's telephone number?

No, I don't.

I'll call Mabel. I'm sure she'll have it.

Let me see...

Cardiff, Cheesewright, Chris...

Oh, dear! I've jumped one.

Sheila, I don't want David Fenner for a dancing partner.

Nonsense, darling. He's divine.

Here we are! Westminster 7381.

You know, we really must write that down.

Well, you won't have a partner. That's all.

I'd rather that than go on asking David Fenner

until he can't stand the sight of me.

[telephone rings]

Hello, Mabel.

Ha ha! Yes, it is.

I was just wondering if you've got a young man for dinner tonight.

Oh, I see, darling.

Oh, yes, aren't they difficult to get?

I just wondered for the numbers.

Oh, Mabel! By the way, you don't happen to have...

David Fenner's telephone number?

Jimmy rather wanted him on business.

Oh, I see, darling.

Uh...Clarissa, go and see if you can get

David Fenner's number in your book.

Oh, Mabel, it's too kind of you.

Clarissa's looking in her book.

Hmm?

yes, wasn't it too lovely?

What? Did you really?

How sweet of you.

I simply must tell her at once. She'll be too thrilled.

Mabel says you looked too wonderful for words last night.

She's thrilled.

Uh, what about Clarissa?

Did she like it? Oh, I'm so glad.

You know, I do think she's very sensible not dancing all the time.

Her shoe? Oh, yes. I see.

Darling, I've been meaning to ask you, who is David Fenner's mother?

Rosie Britt? No!

How too extraordinary!

You know, we always met at the sea as children?

Mabel, darling, has Clarissa found...

come along, Clarissa! Sheila's waiting.

Just a minute, darling.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Where did you get that dreadful young man's number?

At a ball. He gets me records from America.

I'm sorry, darling.

Now, write this down

and stop picking your nose.

Oh, Mabel, darling, don't be silly.

I was talking to Jane.

You were, too. What a strange coincidence.

Yes, I'm ready.

Yes. It's, um...

It's Marblearch 5101.

Marblearch 5101.

Thank you so much, darling.

See you at Quaglina's.

Good-bye, darling.

I'd like to see her get David Fenner at that number.

Now, that number... did you write it down?

Mm-hmm. here it is on the napkin.

Jane, really, what a place to put it. What is it?

Marblearch 5101.

Oh, please, let him be dated.

Oh, nonsense, darling. He's enchanting.

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Hello, David! This is Sheila Broadbent.

Now, tell me, dear boy,

are you going to Rhoda Gregson's dance tonight?

Because, if so, please come with us.

I'm sure you're flooded out with invitations,

but do forget them all

and come and dine with us.

Oh, just a tiny party...

my husband Jimmy Broadbent, Jane, and one or two friends.

Oh, thank you. I'd love to.

Will you really? Oh, how too wonderful for words!

Let's say eightish at Quaglina's.

I shall look forward to it immensely!

We'll have a lovely long talk about your mother.

You know that we met as children by the sea?

How is she, by the way?

Fine.

Still living in the country?

Oh, how I envy her!

Next time you're talking to her, do give her Sheila's love.

Well, good-bye, David dear. Until 8:00.

He's coming!

No! You don't say!

Darling, he's coming!

David Fenner's coming.

Well done, darling. Bad luck, darling.

I'd rather go out with a road map.

Did you know he was Rosie Britt's boy?

I assumed so. She was Lady Fenner after all.

Was? Are they divorced?

No, darling. Rosie died. She died in 1945.

- Oh, Jimmy, no! - I'm afraid she did.

She can't have done. I just sent her my love.

What? In a seance?

Darling, this is serious. He said she was in the country.

Oh? Ah! Perhaps she was buried there, darling.

But I've just sent her my love.

There's no harm in that.

[telephone rings]

Hello? Yes?

Oh, hello, sir.

This is David Fenner.

Could I speak to Jane, sir?

It's for you, darling. David Fenner.

What? David Fenner? Let me speak to him again.

David, this is Sheila.

About your mother, darling...

well, I'm afraid she's dead, actually.

Yes, I know, darling,

that's why I'm so sorry about asking you to give her my love.

I...I'm afraid I can't because she's dead.

I know, darling. That's why I'm so sorry.

It was such a silly mistake to make.

Well, she couldn't help it, actually.

I...oh, Jane, you talk to him.

Hello, David. Don't mind Sheila.

She's all steamed up this morning.

I say, Jane, I was wondering

if we couldn't dine together tonight.

Just ourselves, before the dance.

Oh, hold on. I'll ask Sheila.

He wants me to dine alone with him.

No, no! That comes later.

David, darling boy, this is Sheila again.

I don't want to interfere,

but wouldn't it be much more fun if we all dined together?

What? Um, with me?

No, no, of course not. With Jimmy.

Please say you will. It will be such fun.

Yes. I'd love to.

That's settled then. Let's say 8:00 at Quaglina's?

Good-bye, David dear.

I don't think he was too hurt about his mother after all.

Sheila, he must think you're cracked.

You ought to see a psychoanalyst.

You go around giving love to corpses on the telephone...

you're halfway around the bend.

Well, I'm off.

What should I tell Miss Grey about the table?

You, me, Jane, Mabel,

Clarissa, David...

6! See you tonight, darling. Bye-bye, Jane.

Keep up David Fenner's mother as a topic.

Rosie died of boredom.

Charlie Fenner killed her. There's nothing we can do about it now.

I expect they're in the bar.

- I'll go and see about the table. - Would you, darling?

[woman] Oh, there they are.

- Good evening, sir. - Good evening, sir.

- Good evening. - Good evening, sir.

Good evening. Good evening.

[Sheila] Hello, darling! I say, you look smart!

Oh, there ought to be a lot more chairs.

Jane, darling, you come and sit next to Clarissa.

I want to sit next to your mother and have a good chat.

I've got something to tell you.

Waiter, would you be kind enough to bring us two more chairs?

Put them right here.

Darling, has David Fenner turned up yet?

- Fenner? No. Is he coming? - Yes.

But, darling, you said you didn't know his telephone number.

Mabel, you gave it to me.

Oh, did I?

This morning on the telephone.

I mean, you must remember.

Oh, vaguely, darling. Very vaguely.

Thank you so much.

Would you put it right here? That's gorgeous.

Hello, Lady Broadbent, Lady Claremont.

Hello, Jane. Hello, Clarissa.

- Do sit down. - Thank you.

I'm awfully sorry I'm late. It was devilish trying to park.

Did you find somewhere nice to park?

Yes, thanks. Miles away, though.

Quag's is so packed tonight

I had to park almost back outside my club.

Why didn't you take a taxi?

I thought of that, but if I had,

I'd have had to take one back again to get the car.

Very true.

Yes. Everything seems fine.

We'll have a drink or two in the bar first.

Whenever you like, Thank you, milord.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

[humming]

[singing]

- Oh! - Oh!

It was so nice of you to ask me tonight, Lady Broadbent.

It's...it's so nice of you to come.

You know Mabel Claremont and her daughter Clarissa,

and you've met Jane, and this is David Fenner.

- Hello, David. - Hello, David.

Oh, you two know each other.

We met one weekend in the country.

At the, um, Bassingtons, actually.

At the B-Bass-ing... oh!

Our drinks! I'm sure we could all do with one.

Clarissa, darling. Jane. Mabel.

David, darling. Mr. Parkson.

No, thank you.

Won't you call me David?

I really don't know you very well.

But you've already made me feel at home.

I thought your band was playing at the ball tonight.

Yes. That's right.

Poor you. You'd much rather be dancing, wouldn't you?

What sort of dancing do you like best? Very modern?

Yes, I guess so, but you mustn't call it modern.

It's actually much older than the other kind.

You see a great deal of that out in Africa.

How interesting. Have you been there?

Yes. I went out to study native music.

What kind of dances do they do?

Primitive, but beautiful.

The loveliest of all is a sort of wedding dance.

You know, when the chief's daughter's getting married.

It goes on for hours and hours.

The whole tribe joins in at first, until they get exhausted.

Then finally the bride and the bridegroom

are left dancing on their own.

It's lovely to watch.

Moonlight shining through the rubber trees,

bodies swaying to the rhythms,

and the movements getting more and more interpretive.

Then music rising slowly to a climax,

and then suddenly it sort of shudders into a silence.

And then he picks her up and kisses her

and carries her away to his tent.

Ahem.

Well, darling, in the afternoon,

Clarissa simply dragged me around. Most exhausting

the only thing about it, it made the private viewers comparatively nice.

Sheila wouldn't let me have your band play at my ball tomorrow night.

Are you playing somewhere else?

Well, yes. I'm playing at a private birthday party until 12:00.

Why don't you come then?

Well, I've not been asked.

No. Sheila wouldn't let me ask you.

But she asked me tonight...

or, um, was there some mistake?

Well, I think...

I thought so!

I didn't think she knew my mother.

Oh, David! Was that you?

Well, yes. Who did you think it was?

We thought it was David Fenner.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - I'm not.

Did Sheila ring you up and ask you out to dinner?

Well, no. I rang Jane, actually.

Oh.

Are you in love with her?

I don't know.

I do. You are.

And why aren't you dancing?

Come and dance.

I'd adore to. We'll be right back.

I want to hear...

now, then!

Oh! Darling.

Now, then, how the devil did he get here?

I don't know!

- You must have asked him. - No, I didn't!

He said, "How nice of you to ask me, Lady Broadbent."

How could I have asked him...in my sleep?

I hope not! What was all that crazy telephoning after breakfast?

- David Fenner. - What? All the calls?

There were only two. I rang him up, and he rang up Jane.

- Why? - To ask her out for dinner.

Why did you ring him then?

- To ask him out for dinner. - After he'd asked Jane?

No. Before. You're going on exactly like a policeman.

What was all that confusion about somebody's mother?

- Think back, darling. - I don't want to.

That was the first call, wasn't it? Then think back!

I asked him about his mother,

said we'd always met as children by the sea.

I asked if she still lived in the country. He said yes.

I sent her my love.

- He said yes! - Who did?

The fellow on the telephone.

He said yes when you asked whether his mother lived in the country.

- Did he? - But you just said so!

- Well, he did. - Then he can't have been David Fenner,

because his mother's dead. So it must have been him.

- Who? - Who?

- Who? - Who?

David Parkson.

You mean that David Fenner rang up on his own to invite Jane out.

- Where'd you get the number? - From Mabel. You don't think she could have given me

the wrong number by mistake...

no, I don't. Not by mistake.

I hope your great-uncle got well again.

No. He died, I'm afraid.

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you very close?

No. Actually, I hardly knew him.

He was 95 years old when he died.

David, it's no good.

How do you know?

She can't stand the sight of you.

It sticks out a mile.

Why don't you give it up?

Why should I?

David, you wouldn't take me to a nightclub after the ball, would you?

I don't mind.

Don't you?

No. It's your affair, not mine.

If you're going to go all broody, why should it hurt me?

I don't know, really. I just thought it did.

You mean you think that I'm in love with you?

Well, um, yes.

I did, rather,

actually.

Well, I'm not.

Oh. Sorry.

Now, listen.

After I finish, I'm going to be giving you

a signal on the bongo drums.

Something like... da da da da dum.

Da da da da dum, ba rum pum pum.

Da da da da dum, da da da da dum, ba rum pum pum.

Good. You make straight for the exit, and I'll be there.

All right, David.

They mustn't be alone at Rhoda Gregson's for a minute!

That's right! You must watch them like a hawk!

Me? What about you?

Don't worry. I'll relieve you.

No! We must both watch them.

Right! We mustn't take our eyes off them for a second.

Not a single second!

Hello, darlings. We had a gorgeous dance.

I think we ought to be going. Waiter!

Brandy and soda, quickly.

Uh, brandy and soda, quickly.

Jimmy, I thought you were watching them.

They're in there.

- They're not! - What?

Oh!

Ah! Sheila!

It's all right.

- Where? - She's on the balcony.

- Who with? - David Fenner.

Oh, thank heaven!

Darling, now you stay here.

David, what are you doing?!

David, stop this!

David Fenner, what on Earth's the matter with you?

I love you, Jane. Let me kiss you.

I won't!

David!

Go away!

Jane! Please!

What's got into you?

Will you stop this nonsense!

[bongo drums]

David! Have you gone crazy?

Oh, David, where's Jane?

I'm afraid I don't know, sir.

Where's Jane?

Where's Parkson?

There they go!

Hurry!

[drumroll]

[playing God Save the Queen]

[Sheila] Jane?

Jane, darling, are you in?

Oh, Jimmy, see if she's in her room.

Jane?

She's not in.

Darling, what are we going to do?

What can we do? Wait, I suppose.

You're no help at all!

Let's have a drink.

Well, do you... do you think we should?

Why the devil not?

Well...Jane.

It doesn't make any difference to Jane

how much we drink.

It's what she drinks that matters.

Jimmy? Jimmy, how much drink would make her...

make her...

what? Make her drunk?

Well, yes.

Depends how strong her head is.

It's no good letting your imagination run away with you.

To absent friends.

Uh, um, yes. To Jane!

Good luck to her.

How old Harold Gregson ever married Rhoda beats me.

She owns half Yorkshire.

I'd rather settle for the other half.

I thought she looked like Groucho Marx tonight,

except that mustache was darker.

Which was the Gregson girl?

Hmm...sort of in a green dress, fair-haired.

What, that pretty creature? Isn't nature wonderful?

As far as I could tell, she was completely clean-shaven.

Darling, she's only 17.

Oh, and she takes after her father.

Oh, Jimmy! What are we to do?

Fill up your glass, old girl.

Oh, dear. He is good-looking, isn't he?

Who?

David Parkson.

I suppose so, if you like that type of man.

Naturally I do. I mean, he's every woman's type...

tall, dark, lean, handsome, broad shoulders.

I mean, what more can anyone want?

Well, nothing, I hope.

What's the time?

Uh...

5:00.

Jimmy?

How long does it take a native dancer

to get warmed up?

I wouldn't know. Depends on the time of day, I shouldn't wonder.

No, no. I don't mean that kind of warming up.

No, I don't mean that either.

Depends who he's dancing with.

Do you think he'll take her back to his tent?

To his what?

Flat.

Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

It has happened, you know.

Jimmy, we must call him up.

Well, why not?

Wh-wh-what will I say?

Ask to speak to Jane.

What a good idea. What's his number?

I don't know.

I don't either.

Ring Mabel. She gave it to you in the first place.

- I couldn't do that, darling. - Why not?

She's the biggest gossip ever born.

You've got to take the risk.

Risk it? It's a certainty!

Gossip's better than the other thing.

Oh, Jimmy, don't!

If you don't ring up Mabel, I will!

No. It would sound much too important coming from you.

I'll call her up and ask her out for drinks tomorrow.

- At 5:00 in the morning? - No, no, no. 7:00.

No, darling. It's 5:00 now. It's hardly time to issue invitations.

Darling, get me that glass.

[ringing]

Give it a chance. I bet she snores.

[phone rings]

Hello?

[woman] Hello, Mabel, darling!

This is Sheila Broadbent. Did I wake you?

What is it, darling? Are you on fire?

Darling, would you give me David Parkson's telephone number?

Oh! Uh!

Oh, but, darling, I've already given it to you!

Yes, I know you did, but I've mislaid it.

No, no, darling. It's just that Jane left her bag in his car,

and Jimmy's very worried it might be stolen in the night.

Oh, thank you, darling.

she's looking in Clarissa's book!

She what?

Looking in Clarissa's book!

You know, I let Clarissa go to her first nightclub.

Do you think she'll be all right?

Oh, I'm quite sure she will.

Marblearch 5101, darling.

Marblearch 5101, thank you so much, darling.

I am so sorry to be a bore, but the poor child was so tired

that I packed her straight off to bed

and I promised I'd do it for her.

Good-bye, darling!

I knew it. She's suspicious.

How do you know?

Well, because she wasn't angry.

That means she's interested. Now, what's that number?

Marblearch 5101.

Clarissa's not in yet. She must be out with David Fenner.

They're probably engaged by now.

Hmm... engaged in what?

[ringing]

- There's no answer! - Let it ring. He's probably asleep.

Oh, Jimmy! Oh, darling! How are we to know

if he's deliberately not answering?

Why not?

I can see him... I can see him now,

holding her away from the telephone,

her strange, frightened little eyes gazing up into his,

his tense body waiting for the telephone to stop ringing.

Well, let it go on ringing!

Well, what difference will that make?

If the fellow's the least bit sensitive,

he won't want all that buzzing, will he?

Oh, Jimmy! What are we to do?

Oh...I don't know, but I'm all for bed.

Oh, how can you?

What else do you suggest?

Well, ring up the police!

What for?

Tell them that Jane is missing!

I doubt that they'll be interested.

It's all your fault. You should have kept an eye on her.

Me? It's your fault, and you might as well face up to it...

you and Mabel Claremont and the rest,

behaving like a lot of refined white-slave traffickers!

Well, look at you. You dress these wretched children up

in silks and satins and throw them on the town

to catch the eye of the young men.

Don't you want your daughter looking nice?

Not if it leads to this.

But this was an accident!

An accident, indeed.

We sit all summer, waiting for a victim,

like a fellow waiting for a tiger with a goat tied on a stake,

and then when the tiger doesn't come, what do you do?

Ring up the biggest man-eater in London and ask him in for a meal.

And then, when he carries the goat off into the bush somewhere,

you say it's an accident!

The whole thing is fundamentally immoral!

[phone rings]

Hello, Jane, darling?

Oh, Mabel!

Well, she is, darling. To tell you the truth,

I-I'm a tiny bit tiddly, and I forgot she was in for a moment.

W-w-what do you mean, she isn't in?

Good-bye, darling. I must go, because I'll wake Jimmy.

David Fenner just brought Clarissa home,

and told Mabel that he'd seen Jane and David Parkson

in a nightclub called Zizzi's!

Sheila! Sheila, come here!

[Sheila] what are they doing?

Giving her a cigarette.

- It's an open car. - What difference does that make?

- They're very drafty. - If she brings him up here for a drink,

she'll know we've been waiting up for her.

So we have.

But she mustn't. Psychologically, it's wrong to let her see we're worried.

Even if she isn't interested in David Parkson,

she thinks we'd be against it...if she was, she will be.

"If she was, she will be."

She mustn't know, but we must wait up for her. Do you see?

In the chair?

No. Don't be so silly! In the kitchen. Then we'll hear if we're wanted.

If it's all aboveboard, we won't be wanted,

and if it isn't, we won't be wanted either!

Of course we will, if he assaults her. Now go in the kitchen.

In the kitchen?

To see if you can hear me.

I can hear you from here!

Oh, Jimmy, darling, do try and understand.

We're hiding in the kitchen.

We have to know what's going on. Now run along.

- Jimmy? - Yes?

- Shut the door. - I can hear you better with it open.

Shut the door!

Oh, yes, darling.

Don't. Don't! Take your hands off me!

How dare you? You beast!

Darling, what's the matter? What's the matter?

You beast! Did you hear me?

Yes, of course I heard you.

The minute we hear her key in the lock,

we'll switch the lights off in here and run in there. Do you understand?

Yes, but she may not make a fuss.

Of course she would.

Perhaps he'll gag her with a handkerchief.

- Where? In the street? - No. Here!

I think we'd hear that, all right.

I doubt it. Handkerchiefs don't make much noise.

He'd say something as he tied it on.

Only in an undertone.

- How do you know? - Because his passions are aroused.

- Then he'd make a noise. - Not that kind of passion.

I tell you what. You make some passion noises.

I'll nip in there and see if I can hear what you're saying.

Ooh, Jimmy! Isn't this tremendous fun?

Are you ready?

I thought you said he wouldn't make a noise.

No, no, go back. I haven't started yet.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

[louder] Ha ha ha ha!

What are you laughing at?

No, go back. I haven't finished yet.

One's got to warm up for a thing like this. Ha ha ha!

Don't you understand I love you, you devil?

You divinity? You woman? Let me smother you with kisses.

Otherwise, I might go mad!

Ha ha ha! Can't you see I love your innocent...

Daddy!

Oh! Hello! Frightened eyes!

I think it's high time you were in bed.

Oh...

where's Sheila?

She's in the kitchen.

Huh! Oh!

Hello, darling. We were just...

going to bed.

[Jane] Oh, good.

Where have you been?

- Out with David. - David Parkson?

Yes. He's coming up. He's gone back for my bag.

I left it in the car.

There's one in the eye for Mabel.

But, darling, if he rings, he'll wake up the maid.

No, he won't. He's got my key.

What's he coming for, darling?

To have a drink.

A drink? At 5:00 in the morning?

What else could I offer him?

What, indeed.

Why don't you go to bed?

Why don't we all?

Oh, no. You and I.

Oh, yes.

Well, good night, Jane.

Good night, darling!

- Oh! Mr. Parkson! - May I come in?

Please do. How kind of you to bring Jane home.

That was the least I could do.

Have fun?

- Yes. I've been showing Jane the hot spots. - How kind.

Yes, we danced and danced.

Did you, darling? How exciting.

I hope you didn't mind Jane and me leaving, but we couldn't see you anywhere.

Of course not. We'd completely forgotten about it.

- Hadn't we, Jimmy? - Oh, yes, completely forgotten about it.

Jane, you know where the drinks are.

Thank you, Daddy.

I would like a nap before the office,

Good night, Mr. Parkson.

Good night, darling. Don't stay up too late.

[Jimmy] Good night.

[David] Good night.

[whispering] Stop it! What are you doing?

We've got to go...

Not yet!

Yes, we...

I hope she's not too angry with me.

Oh, don't mind them. Why don't you sit down?

- Have a drink? - Yes, I'd love one.

Knowing daddy, I'd say there's everything here but water.

I'd love some water.

Would you really? Good.

- Oh! - Sheila!

What are you doing?

Uh, looking for my earrings, darling.

- Which ones? - Uh, the diamonds.

But you're wearing them.

Oh, really? Well, it must be the gold.

Can I help you, Lady Broadbent?

No, please don't bother. I'm very happy looking for them.

Gold, you say?

Yes, I think so.

Would these be them?

Oh, no. They...

why, yes. Too extraordinary.

I must have left them there this morning. I can't thank you enough.

Jane: here's your water, David.

Darling, I'm sure Mr. Parkson doesn't want water.

Oh, but I do.

Don't you drink?

Very seldom.

Would you care for a cigarette, then?

I don't smoke.

David, would you be an angel? I think I left the tap on.

Oh.

Sheila, go to bed! You're vulgar!

You're so obvious!

But, darling, he's, he's...

he's not. He's sweet!

But you don't know him!

- I do! - Hello?

Oh, good. I'll get some biscuits.

[Jimmy] Sheila! Come along, for heaven's sake.

Coming, darling.

I was just seeing that Mr. Parkson had got everything that he wanted.

Good night, Mr. Parkson.

[David] Good night.

Has Sheila gone to bed yet?

Yes.

Good. Have a biscuit?

Thank you.

Did you like all those nightclubs?

Yes, but I like this better, though.

Yes, so do I.

Because we're alone, just you and I.

And Lady Broadbent, off and on.

Ha ha ha! No, she's gone to bed now.

You know, I've only been to one once before, on my birthday.

Nightclubs?

Yes. You've been to lots, though, haven't you?

Mm-hmm.

thousands?

I hope not.

Well, hundreds, then?

Probably.

With lots of girls?

No, just one.

With one girl lots of times,

or lots of girls just once?

Well, let's just say not one girl, lots of times.

Did you ever take Brenda Bassington out to a nightclub?

Yes.

How many times?

Hmm...I can't remember. Once, twice.

Would you like some more water?

I know I'd love some milk.

All right.

Daddy! What are you doing?

What? Oh, hello, darling.

I was just filling Sheila's bottle.

Here, let me do it. You talk to David, huh?

Yeah. Hello, David.

Hello, sir.

No. Don't get up.

Well, how's, uh... how's Jane as a dancing partner?

Very good.

And her conversation?

Sweet.

Was she sweet to you?

Yes, rather.

Good. I hope you've been sweet to her.

Yes, I hope so, too.

You shouldn't have taken her away alone like that.

Poor Sheila nearly had a fit. She thought...

well, you know what she thought.

Yes. I can imagine it.

You can't imagine it nearly as vividly as she can.

Here, Daddy. The water's boiling.

You better run off to bed now, or Sheila will be screaming for you.

Oh, yes. Well, good night. No, don't get up.

I guess I ought to be going.

Oh, no, no, no. There's no need to.

I'm not the least bit sleepy yet, are you?

Well, no, not really.

Good. Oh, that can't be very comfortable.

Why don't we sit here on the couch? It's lovely.

All right.

Well, what would you like to do now?

What would you?

I don't know.

Yes, I do. I'd like to kiss you.

Why?

because I like you.

Oh. Do you kiss everybody you like?

Well, I don't like anybody except you,

and there couldn't be a better reason than that, could there?

No, I suppose not.

Well, then, can I?

Well, yes, if you want to.

Oh, I do want to.

- Did I do it all right? - Yes, very nicely.

Not so bad, considering it was for the first time.

No, not so bad at all.

But you weren't very good, were you?

Oh, wasn't I? I'm sorry.

No. You didn't seem to have your heart in it.

Perhaps you didn't when we started...

no, not when we started.

But you were getting better towards the end.

Shall we try again?

Yes, please.

Oh, David! Is that how you kissed Brenda?

Ahem! Jane, Sheila thinks... no, don't get up.

Sheila thinks you ought to go to bed.

Oh, she's a nuisance.

Yes, I know.

I think I better be going.

- Good night, David. - Good night, Jane. Good night, sir.

Good night, David.

You like him, don't you, Daddy?

Yes, I like him.

But Sheila doesn't, does she?

No, I'm afraid not.

Why's she got to be so English? He's a drummer, but so what?

That's not it, Jane. It's his, uh, reputation.

Oh, honestly, Daddy. To have a hate against poor David

because he slipped up just once is...

is it just once?

Well, it was, wasn't it?

Well, we hope so.

You'd think Sheila didn't know a thing.

You ought to educate her, Daddy.

In what way?

Every young man does that sort of thing,

provided he gets the opportunity.

Indeed.

Or didn't they do things like that in your day?

Are you speaking generally or asking me a question?

Daddy...

who was the first woman you ever made love to?

Sylvia O'Brien.

Who was she?

She was the vicar's daughter in our village.

Was she beautiful?

- No. "Striking" is the word. - And did you kiss her?

- Certainly. - Where?

The usual place. Around about the mouth.

I don't mean that. I mean where. In the garden or the river or...

you know what I mean.

Well, I kissed her in the graveyard after evensong.

Ha ha! Oh, Daddy, what a rip you were. How old were you?

13. She was 9.

Well, what happened to her?

She went home for tea.

When did you ever make love to someone really?

Oh, years later.

What was her name?

Salonge.

Salonge...

she was French.

And where did you make love to Salonge?

At her house in Paris.

In her own home?

No, not exactly. She...worked there.

Oh, she was a maid?

No, not exactly.

Oh, Daddy! You're wicked.

You're almost as bad as David is!

You know, Daddy, I love you.

Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you.

Me?

Yes, because you're on my side, aren't you?

I haven't said so.

No, I know, but then, you can't, because of Sheila and convention.

I can understand all that.

Very broad-minded of you.

- Good night, darling. - Good night, Daddy.

[key turns in lock]

David!

[whispering] Your key.

Oh.

Good night.

Good night.

David? I love you.

Don't you want me to?

Yes...

but there's something I want to tell you.

Is it about Brenda Bassington?

No.

Do you remember I told you that my uncle died?

Well, I'm his heir,

so I'm not David Parkson anymore.

Who are you, then?

Well, I know it sounds kind of silly, but...

I didn't want to use it here, but the papers will have it tomorrow.

Well, Jane, I'm the, uh...

I'm the duke of positano.

Well, do you mind?

No. Should I?

It means I'll have to live there half the year.

Where, Italy?

Florence. There's a sort of a palace there,

but it's much too big to live in.

But there's a villa in Capri which could be...

oh, darling, what a lot of housekeeping.

You don't know how relieved I am you've taken it this way.

Jane, you wouldn't, uh, I mean...

oh, Jane!

I'd like to speak to Mr. Parkson alone.

Oh, Sheila!

Jane, please go to your room.

But, Sheila, we...

Please, Jane.

Mr. Parkson, I must ask you to leave...

at once.

If you refuse, I'm afraid I shall be forced

to ask my husband to remove you.

I'm sorry, Lady Broadbent, I...

I'm afraid I'm going to stay.

Very well.

Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Oh, dear!

- Jimmy! - No, I don't want any breakfast.

No, darling. Something terrible has happened!

I just caught David Parkson kissing Jane!

Has he been here all night?

No, he came back. I found them together in the dark!

Yes, you must throw him out immediately!

He won't be a moment.

Oh, thank you.

Not at all.

Daddy!

I love him, and he loves me.

How do you know?

He just told me.

Daddy...

now, then, what's the matter?

This young man refuses to leave.

I see.

Will you please remove him?

You better go, my dear. This may not be very pretty to watch.

Oh!

[Jimmy] I'm sorry, I'm afraid I...

[David] You'll be sorry if you start anything!

Look here, young fellow...

Yes, I'm looking, Broadbent.

If you don't get out of here in two minutes, I'll chuck you out!

You just try it!

All right!

Ohh! Uhh!

Oh! Jimmy! Jimmy, are you all right?

All right, darling. Don't worry!

Uh!

I'll put him out as soon as he comes to.

That gives us two minutes.

Now, are you in love with Jane?

Yes.

Do you want to marry her?

Yes, I do, sir.

So much for the future. Pretty rosy, if it wasn't for the past!

What about that lost weekend when brandy flowed like water

and poor Brenda Bassington's morale was cracking with the nuts?

That wasn't a very pretty story.

Not a very true one, either.

Wasn't it?

I suppose I should tell you.

I think you better.

On that Sunday night, we'd all gone to sleep.

I was reading in my room when Brenda Bassington came rushing in

saying that David Fenner had attacked her in her room.

Why did she come to you...David Fenner?

Yes, sir.

Why did she come to your room?

Because I was next-door, and she was frightened.

Well, anyway, she started crying...

so you gave her the brandy.

Yes, that's right, and it worked wonders.

Then she said she was hungry.

So you came up with a plate of nuts.

Yes. Who told you all of this?

Never mind. Go on.

Anyway, when I got back,

the brandy flask was lying empty on the floor,

- and Brenda on my bed. - Not empty?

No. Well, I suppose I must have made some sort of noise.

- Lie down. - I beg your pardon?

Lie down!

Carry on.

The next thing I knew, Colonel Bassington was standing in the doorway,

accusing me of playing fast and loose with Brenda.

What did you do?

I packed and drove straight back to London.

Do you realize if Mabel knew about your escapade last night,

then Jane's reputation would be the same as Brenda Bassington's?

Well, that doesn't matter, sir, because we're getting married.

Are you?

Well, yes, sir, with your permission.

My permission? I'm a married man.

My wife and I make joint decisions.

Then tell her about Brenda Bassington.

She wouldn't believe it.

Do you?

Yes.

Well, then?

That's nothing to do with it!

Truth doesn't mean the same to a woman as it does to a man.

To them, it's what they want to believe regardless of the facts.

At the present moment, my wife's dearest wish is to believe that

David Fenner's perfect and can do no wrong.

Nothing you and I can do can make her change her mind.

What will make her change her mind, then?

I don't know, but her prestige is at stake.

She must be allowed to do it on her own, somehow.

Look, you push off, and I'll think about it.

Thank you very much, sir.

Not a bit. We better make out a show.

No!

Sir, if I think of anything, may I call you?

I don't think you realize...

[doorbell rings]

- Good morning, sir. - Good morning. Miss Jane, please.

I'm afraid there's no one up yet, sir.

Oh. Then I'll wait.

Very good, sir.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Oh.

Good morning, sir!

Great heavens! How did you get here?

Well, actually, I went through Wilton Place,

and it cut out Hyde Park Corner.

I'm on duty at 10:00.

Well, that's good.

Will you have some breakfast?

No, thank you, sir. I've had mine.

Would you like a paper while I have mine?

No, thank you, sir.

Um, may I...

may I see Jane, please, sir?

I don't think she's awake yet.

Oh, dear. I'm on parade at 10:00.

So you said.

Sir?

May I marry Jane, sir?

May you... may you what?

Sir, marry Jane, sir.

I don't know. You better ask her.

She'll be in in a minute.

Oh, good. Thank you, sir.

Good morning, Daddy.

Morning, darling. Sleep well?

Well, I...

Hello, Jane.

Oh, it's you. Oh, Lord.

I, um...

I brought you these.

What for?

Well, to give to you, of course.

Oh.

Oh, Jane, he wants to ask you something,

and he's in a hurry.

He's on duty at 10:00.

Jane.

Jane, darling.

David, go away. Your hands are cold.

What do you think you're doing here

at this hour in the morning?

I came here specially to see you.

Why, on Earth?

Because I want to marry you.

Oh, don't be silly.

But I do!

Whatever for?

Because I love you.

I do love you, Jane. Really I do.

I've loved you ever since that first night

at Mrs. Arthur Milligan's ball.

You've got a funny way of showing it.

How do you mean?

Attacking me last night. Really, David!

But, Jane, I am in love with you!

Well, I'm not in love with you.

- Then who are you in love with? - Nobody.

You're lying. You're in love with David Parkson.

Oh, don't be silly.

Well, who, then?

With nobody, I said!

I don't believe you.

I'm in love with someone all the time.

Then you're oversexed.

Well, I can't help it if I am.

Well, I'm sorry, I can't either.

But you've got to!

David, go away!

No, I won't, Jane! Jane, I must kiss you!

I've felt so awful ever since I wanted to. I...

Come here, Jane!

David, will you leave go!

David, how can you? In the morning?

David! I'll call daddy if you don't! I'll scream!

Oh, well, scream, then. I just don't care!

Ooh!

David!

Jane, darling!

Oh, Sheila!

Oh, dearest boy!

Good morning, Lady Broadbent. Good-bye, Jane.

Good-bye, David.

Good-bye, Lady Broadbent.

Y-y-you're not going!

I'm afraid I'm on duty at 10:00.

I hope we meet again.

We will, tonight at the ball.

Oh, good.

David? You wouldn't care to dine with us tonight, would you?

Oh, Sheila, honestly!

But, darling, we haven't anyone else!

If he comes, I'm not going!

David, I'm so sorry.

That's all right. Good-bye, Lady Broadbent.

Good-bye.

Did he propose to you?

Yes, among a lot of other things.

And you turned him down?

Well, what do you think?

Sheila,

what happened to David Parkson last night?

I'm afraid your father had to throw him out.

He didn't!

Jane, what else could he do? He wouldn't go!

But I love him, and he loves me!

He doesn't, darling. He's just a philanderer.

He wants to wear you in his buttonhole until you wilt,

and then you'll be thrown away like Brenda Bassington.

That's why we both decided you mustn't see him anymore.

You haven't, have you, Daddy?

Darling, we both have. It's for your own good.

But...

but can't you understand that I love him?

I love David, and David loves me,

and I can't live without him!

Oh, darling, where's your handkerchief?

I haven't got one.

Well, here. Here, have mine.

Oh, stop crying, darling!

You'll forget about him in a day or two, I know you will,

and there will soon be somebody else.

I won't! There won't be anyone else, ever!

Jane, there's something in what Sheila says.

Daddy?!

Well, there is, you know.

You're meeting lots of people every evening, thanks to her.

For the sake of argument, look how you met David Parkson.

Sheila introduced you at a ball.

Wouldn't surprise me if Sheila got

a nice young man for dinner tonight.

If Sheila had anything to do with it, he'd be another David Fenner!

I won't have anything to do with it, so don't you worry, Jane.

I-I-I've made such a mess of everything.

I wanted so terribly to make the whole thing a success,

and now I've ruined you!

It's all my fault!

I've made such a terrible thing,

and you're in love with a dreadful bounder, you've lost your reputation,

and I...I...I don't care anymore!

I mean it, Jimmy. I'll never telephone again!

I don't care if it is Jane's ball tonight

and she hasn't got a young man to take her.

I just don't care. I won't go to the ball!

You'll have to take Jane by herself,

and I will never, never telephone a young man again

as long as I live!

I won't!

Well, that's a pity.

I say, it's a pity, because I thought we might have invited

the duke of positano.

Are you mad?

He's 95 years old!

No, no, darling, not the old man.

He popped off last month.

No, I meant the heir.

I've just been reading about him in the newspaper.

It says he works in London, and he's 23 years old.

Well, do you know him?

I've been in contact with him recently...

a business discussion.

What's he like?

He's not a bad young fellow, in his way.

We probably couldn't find his telephone number, anyway.

His number? Oh...

I think I might have it in my diary. Uh...

oh, I haven't got my glasses. Jane?

What's this number?

Marblearch 5101.

Ah, yes, yes. That's it. Hmm.

there we are.

You're being so brave.

We only want you to be happy. Don't we, Jimmy?

Yes.

[phone rings]

- Hello? - Hello?

Hello. Is the Duke of Positano in, by any chance?

Oh! Good morning. My name's Sheila Broadbent.

I don't think you know me,

but my husband, Jimmy Broadbent,

tells me that you've met on business.

Oh, he sounds heavenly!

I know this is the most awful cheek of me

to ask you at this late hour,

but I was wondering if you'd come and dine tonight for our ball.

Oh! Oh, you are. Well, if you're working so late,

couldn't you come and join us later at the ball?

You could? Oh, that's marvelous!

The ball's for Jimmy's daughter Jane.

She's just come out this year.

The Earl and Countess Raven,

Lady Rosemary Ealing, and Lady Patricia Ealing.

[Sheila] Good evening. How are you?

[Jimmy] Good evening.

Mr. John Hopgood, Member of Parliament,

Mrs. Hopgood.

How are you?

Nice of you to come.

Sir John and Lady...

Good evening.

...and Mr. Clarence Manson.

Jimmy! You won't believe it, but David Parkson's here.

No!

How dare he crash this ball! Throw him out at once!

Yes...hello. Disgraceful!

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Lady Claremont, Miss Clarissa Claremont

and Mr. David Fenner.

What a lovely party, darling. I hope we're not too late.

Not at all, darling. Clarissa, what a lovely dress.

Darling boy, nice to see you.

We got stuck in the most dreadful traffic jam.

Yes, but David found the most marvelous shortcut from Warlingham.

He turned left at the Boltons

and then right again into Old Brompton Road,

and we missed Sloane Street completely.

It was a marvelous idea.

But, darling, it was your idea, actually.

Mr. Henry and Mrs. Caultaire.

Hello. How nice of you to come.

Hello.

Good evening.

Hello. How are you?

His grace, the Duke of Positano.

Good evening, Lady Broadbent.

So nice of you to invite me tonight.

- Good evening, sir. - Good evening.

- Hello, Jane. - Hello, David.

Jimmy?

Shh... later, darling.

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