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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,680 Jesus, please... 2 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,560 - Mr Finchley? - Oh. Time's up. 3 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,439 [HE SNIFFS] 4 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:44,799 Let's go. 5 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,800 [DISTANT LAUGHTER] 6 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,159 ...and also the fact that it wasn't down to an audience voting. 7 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,799 It was a small room full of experts who actually know 8 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,439 what they're talking about. That's what makes it special. 9 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,839 So anyway, thank you very much, thank you. 10 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,959 [APPLAUSE] 11 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,960 Well done. Thanks! It's really good to meet you. Big fan. 12 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,279 - Is he supposed to be nice? - Very. 13 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,559 ALAN CARR: Ladies and gentlemen, it's now my honour... 14 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,239 - Not one of those shaggers, then? - No. He's married, I think. 15 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,279 ...to bring to the stage the presenter of the final award. 16 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,280 You'll know him as Bull's-eye Bill. 17 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,759 He is, of course, the man, the legend, Paul Finchley! 18 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,239 Oh, shit, shit, shit. 19 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,240 [APPLAUSE] 20 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:31,199 No need. Really. Honestly, no need. 21 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,999 Because I am not receiving the Lifetime Achievement Award. 22 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,599 AUDIENCE: Aww! 23 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,599 I am, however, presenting it. 24 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,359 So think of me as John the Baptist paving the way for Jesus Christ. 25 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,599 [LAUGHTER] 26 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,879 Sorry, Mrs, but if you think that that's blasphemous, 27 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,279 you should've heard what I said when I found out who HAD won it. 28 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,959 What can I say about this man? 29 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,279 He's a man I spent most of my life beside. 30 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,280 A man best known to you, and to me as... as... 31 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,599 Karl! [LAUGHTER] 32 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,919 Yes, yes! 33 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,199 Not yet, mate! Not yet! 34 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,919 He was described in The Guardian 35 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,159 as the natural successor to David Jason, 36 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:18,160 and by David Jason as "the man who takes all the jobs I turn down". 37 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,080 In his later years, he's added acting to his many talents, 38 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,119 and proper acting, mind you, 39 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,399 none of the dicking about he and I used to do, no. 40 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,719 Indeed, he was hugely praised in The Times 41 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,479 for his epic performance as Richard III. 42 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,480 Make the joke about them preferring my bottom! 43 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,319 The winner of this award, and I can say this, ladies and gentlemen, 44 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,320 because he has absolutely no idea he's getting it... 45 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,839 ...is a... 46 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,439 - Devastatingly handsome! - ..devastatingly handsome... 47 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,479 - Wholesomely kind, wonderful, generous. - He's... 48 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,879 Play the game, mate. There's people watching. 49 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,879 He's kind, apparently, and generous. 50 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,519 He's got an arse that can crack nuts. 51 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,679 And he's got an arse that can crack... What? 52 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,239 [LAUGHTER] 53 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,240 He's got an arse that can crack coconuts. 54 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,880 Ladies and gentlemen. 55 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,440 The only man I know who's vain enough to invade his own stage. 56 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,839 And the winner of this year's Lifetime Achievement Award, 57 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:33,840 I give you, and you are very welcome to him, the one, the only, 58 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,439 Sir Karl Jenkins. 59 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:41,440 [WILD APPLAUSE] 60 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:51,000 - That went well. - Livened things up. Coconuts! 61 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,679 [HE LAUGHS] 62 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,039 You look good. 63 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,679 Yeah, I take Viagra before every stage performance these days. 64 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,399 Put some colour in my cheeks. 65 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:04,279 That and the very, very tight pants, of course. That's my secret. 66 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,799 Never could tell when you were joking. 67 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,800 Neither could most of the audience! You look tired. 68 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,559 Oh. Is Marie not in tonight? 69 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,560 Well, it's not as if I was getting the award, is it? 70 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,639 Do you want it? You can have it. 71 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,559 They gave it to you! 72 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,560 Yeah, but it's for both our work. 73 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,920 Magnanimity was always a stretch for you, wasn't it? 74 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,679 I really need a piss. Have I got time for a piss? 75 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,999 The trouble is, you're the last award. After this... 76 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,399 Oh, he can hold it in. 77 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,599 He's got exceptional bladder control for a man of his age. 78 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,759 - If you want to go, Paul? - Really, you don't need me? 79 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,279 I think they got your quotes already, don't you? 80 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:53,280 Ah. Well in that case, I shall have a piss and pity poor Karl here. 81 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,640 Karl, honestly, truly deserved. 82 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,480 It's nonsense. It's all nonsense. 83 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,719 - Hey! - Hey! Loved your speech! 84 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,159 Well, I thought it was important that Karl got all the big laughs. 85 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,256 Huge fan by the way. 86 00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:40,184 Oh, likewise. I grew up watching your routines. 87 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,319 That was a long time ago now. 88 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,320 Well, with repeat fees, nothing's a long time ago. 89 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,399 - I'm having similar thoughts. - Simon. 90 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,999 How unlike you to find the bit with the scorchers. 91 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,479 - She's dating Greg Davies. - She's not. 92 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,480 And saying "scorchers" makes you sound about 450. Shall we dance? 93 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,679 Do let's. 94 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,399 Paul! 95 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:16,400 Great speech, mate! And what a great event. Simon. 96 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,319 Tom's too rude to introduce me, and my manager's too shit 97 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,399 so I must introduce myself - I'm Paul Finchley. 98 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,639 Sir, you're a legend, 99 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,039 you've no need to introduce yourself to anyone in this room. 100 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,799 - You'll go far. - Oh. 101 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,239 He already has. He's just taken over as Director of Data. 102 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:37,240 Fuck it. They get younger and younger. Well done, young man, sir. 103 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,599 Shit. You called me "sir" - well, I must call you "Lord". 104 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,719 [THEY LAUGH] 105 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,839 Well done, Lord Television. I'm pretty sure that... 106 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,840 Are you my boss? 107 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,600 Will you do it? Will you do it for us? Go on! Be a mate! 108 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,359 Milk's sour? Not surprised. 109 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,119 But then them cows are a moody bunch. 110 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:10,120 - Right? That's great, that's genius. - Oh, thank you, yeah. 111 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,360 I've said it before, I'll say it again. Black tie suits you. 112 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:30,080 And may I say, Dan, no-one looks better holding a bin. 113 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:34,520 [DAN LAUGHS] 114 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,839 Hello, bunny. Get them to sleep OK? 115 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,840 - I couldn't get Billy off that damn game thing, but, yeah. - Hmm. 116 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,039 Alan Carr was excellent, actually. What a lovely man. 117 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,959 I always thought you should be on that show. 118 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,559 I know, darling. You said. 119 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:01,359 But I don't really... I don't think people see me that way, do they? 120 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:07,360 At what point do comics stop being funny and start being sweet? 121 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,959 Hmm? Even Spike. They even did it to Spike. 122 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,999 They even turned Spike sweet. 123 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,799 And he was an awful shite. 124 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,039 You bad woman! 125 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,040 - Anyone else worth talking to? - Not a soul. Nope. 126 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,879 I always think after these events, you know, 127 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,880 and think I made a total arse of myself. 128 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,519 - Well, it was a nice big clap, though. - Yeah. 129 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,559 It means nothing, though. That's the Stalin thing, isn't it? 130 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:41,439 No-one wants to be the first to stop clapping the Old Guard. 131 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,440 - Karl got a bigger one anyway. - Oh! Be just. 132 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,320 I just can't help thinking that I made an awful fool of myself. 133 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,919 And I think that you've still got whisky 134 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,359 sloshing around in that gut of yours. 135 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,360 I'll get you a banana, and then we'll get into bed, OK? 136 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:19,000 [HE SIGHS] 137 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,823 _ 138 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,679 [CAT MEOWS] 139 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,399 Naughty cat. 140 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,959 [CAT PURRS] 141 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,960 You know she doesn't like you up there. 142 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,760 [HE SIGHS] 143 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,299 - Good morning, my wee jobbies. - We watched you on the TV! 144 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,529 Oh, yeah! What did you think? 145 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,423 - You were funny! - He got all the big laughs. 146 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,759 Grandma laughed loads. 147 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,039 Yeah? 148 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,559 [GAME BEEPS] 149 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:36,560 Good morning, Billy. 150 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,359 You free today? 151 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,879 I'm dropping these to their dad's 152 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,959 and then I've got lunch with Anapolis. 153 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,919 They might contribute to the foundation. 154 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,639 Beware Greeks bearing gifts. 155 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,140 You say that every time! They're American. 156 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,559 I always thought mornings suited you. 157 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:57,560 - Did I ever tell you that? - More or less every day. 158 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,919 Are you winning at least? 159 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,920 - It's not about winning. - Ah. It's about taking part? Hmm? 160 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:14,320 So, what's the plan for today? Morning jog? Lunch in town? 161 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,199 Aerobics classes? 162 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,639 [BUZZER] 163 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,239 Mass scientific experiment? 164 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,799 Or are you going to just lounge around here all day doing nothing... 165 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,079 [BUZZER] 166 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,359 ...again? 167 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,119 I'll get it! 168 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,186 - Mrs Finchley? - Yes? 169 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,799 My name is DI Palmer, this is DS Georgeson. 170 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,434 We're here for a word with your husband. 171 00:12:37,459 --> 00:12:38,399 A word about what? 172 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,039 There's been an allegation of rape made against you. 173 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,159 This is a warrant for a search of your premises. 174 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,639 Is this some kind of joke? 175 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,399 Grandad? 176 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,400 It's all right, buddy. It's all right, son. 177 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:55,880 Phone Simon. 178 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,879 Now, what's going on? 179 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,719 We weren't aware your grandchildren were in the house. 180 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,959 Can your wife arrange alternative care? 181 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,439 I want to make this as easy as possible for you. 182 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,440 Sorry, um, you're accusing me of what? 183 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,120 [CAR LOCK BEEPS] 184 00:13:35,653 --> 00:13:37,546 Belt on, if you could. 185 00:14:41,395 --> 00:14:42,328 [DOOR UNLOCKS] 186 00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,739 Paul, hi. Jerome. 187 00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:48,419 Simon sent me. Needless to say, it's an honour to be working with you. 188 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:49,819 I love your work. 189 00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:51,219 He says you're the best. 190 00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:53,739 Let's hope I grow to love your work. 191 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,899 This is Jimmy Savile. They think I'm Jimmy-fucking-Savile. 192 00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,019 OK, so here's where we are. 193 00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:00,579 No-one liked him. Always kept him well away from the parties. 194 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,299 He wanted to come. 195 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,659 It was me. I said, "Fuck, no, no way." 196 00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:07,219 Everybody knew he was dodgy, 197 00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:10,139 everybody, but I'm the one that had cops outside the house, 198 00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,459 my grandchildren inside. 199 00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:14,019 We don't have much time, so save the bluster and just listen, 200 00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:15,779 if you could. 201 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:18,259 We don't know what they know or what they think they know, 202 00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,339 but I'll tell you this - 203 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:22,139 they won't be getting any clues from our end. 204 00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:23,459 So, say as little as possible. 205 00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:26,339 Clues? 206 00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:29,419 I didn't do this. 207 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,179 Big fan, by the way. 208 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:34,179 Every Christmas, it's a bit of a tradition, 209 00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:37,699 work through the whole of Crooked Peaks, all 36 episodes. 210 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:38,899 Thank you. 211 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:42,859 Absolutely hilarious. 212 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:44,659 Was the stutter difficult to do? 213 00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,899 POSH ACCENT: Well, it's not what I went to RADA for. 214 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,739 - And now you've got your own game show. - Yes. 215 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,219 We call it a quiz. 216 00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:52,819 [BUZZING] 217 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:56,779 [BEEP] 218 00:15:56,780 --> 00:16:00,499 OK, let's start at the beginning. 219 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:03,419 Full name, please. 220 00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,499 Paul Thomas Finchley. 221 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,499 And date of birth? 222 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,539 9th of February, 1950. 223 00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,139 And you have children. 224 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:13,379 Yes, a daughter, Danielle. Dee. 225 00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:15,219 And she's had children. 226 00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:18,939 Yes. Billy is 14 and Frances is ten. 227 00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:21,259 - And they live with their father. - Yes. 228 00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:25,139 Why is that? 229 00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:26,779 Erm... 230 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:29,139 Dee's had a pretty rough time recently. 231 00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,664 She's in a treatment centre for addiction. 232 00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:32,779 Halfway house. 233 00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:35,139 - And your parents, they're deceased? - Yes. 234 00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,320 Cillian and Molly Finchley. 235 00:16:36,345 --> 00:16:37,859 - That's right. - Irish. 236 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:40,899 Yes. I was born there, although I was brought up here... 237 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,899 Well, in Scotland. 238 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:46,059 I was reading some press articles about you and you explained 239 00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:49,619 you wouldn't write an autobiography because some skeletons 240 00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:51,579 best remain skeletons. 241 00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:55,259 Were you referring to your father in that instance? 242 00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:57,219 - No, I wouldn't... - No comment. 243 00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:00,259 Did this refer to sexual abuse? 244 00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:01,659 No comment. 245 00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:05,660 That's unnecessary, even for a fishing expedition. 246 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,121 So you've been married 41 years, is that right? 247 00:17:08,146 --> 00:17:10,124 - Yes. - Impressive number. 248 00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:14,139 - And it's been largely happy? - Extremely. 249 00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:16,419 Tell me about Marie. 250 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,299 Well, she's... 251 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,259 She's kind... 252 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:24,260 and she's generous and she's funny... 253 00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:28,899 ...and religious... 254 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:32,900 ...and I think she's the best person I know. 255 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:37,299 This will break her - you have no idea. 256 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,219 Have you managed to stay faithful to Marie? 257 00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:41,179 No comment. 258 00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:44,019 Sexually, would you describe yourself as a man of average 259 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:46,139 or... greater than average sexual habits? 260 00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:48,059 You expect him to know what average is? 261 00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:50,539 I have absolutely no idea what average is. 262 00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:54,540 I'd advise you to answer your questions yourself, Mr Finchley. 263 00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:58,780 I would describe myself as a man with average sexual appetite. 264 00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:03,339 Are there any sexual practises you engage in which you think 265 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:05,220 most people would regard as unusual? 266 00:18:05,253 --> 00:18:06,364 No comment. 267 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:12,620 OK, so we've had an allegation from Rebecca Thornton. 268 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,499 Does that name mean anything to you? 269 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:17,699 No comment. 270 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:21,539 Rebecca Thornton alleges that, on the 8th of December, 1993, 271 00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:25,540 you raped her on the film set of Japes in Bedford. 272 00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,697 Can you remember any details from that night? 273 00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:29,722 No. 274 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:36,259 Does that face mean anything to you? 275 00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:37,939 It means nothing, sorry. 276 00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:41,940 She must have made a mistake. 277 00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:46,739 Great. 278 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:49,459 That concludes the interview. 279 00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:51,019 Let's get you bailed, shall we? 280 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:52,899 I really don't know her, you know. 281 00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,419 Paul, no need to say anything more. 282 00:18:55,420 --> 00:18:57,259 Interview terminated at 11:43 am. 283 00:18:57,260 --> 00:19:01,260 You arrested him at 7:48. I make that three hours and 55 minutes. 284 00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:06,459 I'd say leaving by the back might be a good idea. 285 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:10,460 Everyone's a pap with their smartphones nowadays. 286 00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:40,579 They didn't tidy up after themselves. 287 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,939 They tried to but they didn't do a very good job. 288 00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:45,179 I wasn't sure, you know, cos you had your lunch... 289 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:48,339 They took my computer as well as yours. 290 00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:51,139 They took a lot of things, actually. 291 00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,939 They showed me some of it. 292 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:57,940 They shouldn't have, but they did. 293 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,899 Should we have a cup of tea? 294 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,419 It could be quite useful. 295 00:20:07,420 --> 00:20:09,699 We could, as we tidy, turn it into a spring clean. 296 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,419 - Marie... - Porn on your phone. 297 00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:13,699 Who watches porn on their phone? 298 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,419 Couldn't you get the laptop open quick enough? 299 00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:19,619 - Marie... - The questions they asked me... 300 00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:22,419 about you, about us, about... what we do in the bedroom. 301 00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:24,419 I mean, whatever it is they think you've done. 302 00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:26,899 Marie, you must listen to me. I didn't do this. 303 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:30,219 Can you tell me? I mean, do you know what else they might find? 304 00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:32,099 There's nothing to find. 305 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:35,139 It's just a desperate woman being... desperate. 306 00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:39,140 [BIRDS CHIRP] 307 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,819 No. 308 00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,179 You're not going up there. 309 00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:47,819 I need to lie down for a bit. 310 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:51,499 You can lie on the sofa. 311 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:55,500 The times you came home smelling of whichever woman 312 00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:58,899 and I'd understand. 313 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:02,299 Well, this is not one of those times... 314 00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,979 It can't be. 315 00:21:04,980 --> 00:21:07,939 - Do you understand? - Please, Marie. 316 00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:12,940 I would prefer it if you did not lie on our bed... 317 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,900 ...not today. 318 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:08,620 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACH] 319 00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:48,340 [BUZZER] 320 00:23:03,780 --> 00:23:05,419 OK? 321 00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:08,979 Sorry, I'll put that in the stupid questions drawer. 322 00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:11,179 Let us not speak of it again. 323 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:13,819 He's in the den. [HE SIGHS] 324 00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:17,179 Wasn't sure whether to come round or not. 325 00:23:17,180 --> 00:23:18,699 They interviewed you, too, did they? 326 00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:22,579 Nice-looking black girl - woman. 327 00:23:22,580 --> 00:23:26,580 Yes. Yes, I got her, too. 328 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:31,259 So, were you there during any of the alleged? 329 00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:34,419 Apparently not, but they weren't sure. 330 00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:36,179 Didn't give full details. 331 00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:38,819 I don't think you should give me full details. 332 00:23:38,820 --> 00:23:41,459 They showed me a photo. 333 00:23:41,460 --> 00:23:43,099 I didn't sleep with her. 334 00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,779 I didn't remember her. 335 00:23:45,780 --> 00:23:47,979 Simon says he's sorted you a lawyer. 336 00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:51,980 - Flashy type. Useful though, I think... I hope. - Hmm. 337 00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:57,420 I fell asleep watching some really shitty cookery programme 338 00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:00,539 and woke up halfway through Crooked Peaks. 339 00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:01,819 Which one? 340 00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,859 The one where we try to become members of The Women's Institute. 341 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:08,699 - Good? - Dated, but it has some good moments. 342 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:12,700 [THEY BOTH LAUGH] 343 00:24:14,380 --> 00:24:18,380 Carl, I'm sorry. This hasn't been good for you either. 344 00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,299 It's going to hit residuals hard. 345 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:23,800 Residuals? 346 00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:29,620 Do you really think I give a shit about residuals right now? 347 00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:37,740 I'm not sure I can do this. 348 00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:41,419 Come here. 349 00:24:41,420 --> 00:24:45,420 [SOBBING] I don't think I can do this. 350 00:24:47,342 --> 00:24:48,417 Of course you can. 351 00:24:50,666 --> 00:24:52,231 It will soon be over. 352 00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:12,139 I'm not in the bedroom, if that's what you're... 353 00:25:12,140 --> 00:25:14,739 No... I just needed some clean clothes. 354 00:25:14,740 --> 00:25:17,139 I didn't want to disturb you. 355 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:21,099 If I'm guilty, I would say I was innocent. 356 00:25:21,100 --> 00:25:24,339 If I'm innocent, I would say I'm innocent. 357 00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:25,819 [HE SIGHS] 358 00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:27,659 I don't know what to say. 359 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:31,459 There's nothing to say. 360 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:33,939 It's not going to cheap this, you know that. 361 00:25:33,940 --> 00:25:36,440 Well, we spend whatever it takes to get you off, don't we? 362 00:25:36,465 --> 00:25:37,964 Do we? 363 00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:46,939 I know I've not treated you well at times... 364 00:25:46,940 --> 00:25:50,940 but you must know I didn't do this. 365 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:59,300 I believe you. 366 00:26:08,140 --> 00:26:11,140 [BUZZER] 367 00:26:12,700 --> 00:26:15,419 [BUZZER CONTINUES] 368 00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:17,420 [KNOCK ON DOOR] Yes. 369 00:26:19,980 --> 00:26:21,259 They fucked us. 370 00:26:21,260 --> 00:26:22,459 Smartphone pap bollocks. 371 00:26:22,460 --> 00:26:25,139 - They knew. They fucking knew! - What? 372 00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:26,619 Telling us to leave around the back. 373 00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:29,499 Apparently, they had local press there on an unrelated matter. 374 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:30,779 Cunts. 375 00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:33,379 Look, I tried calling. You need to leave your phone on from now on. 376 00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:34,459 I was asleep. 377 00:26:34,460 --> 00:26:37,059 Well, I wanted to get here before the reporters did. 378 00:26:37,060 --> 00:26:38,299 Now everyone will know. _ 379 00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:40,499 Well, they were going to find out sooner or later. 380 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,219 But don't worry, I'll fuck them back. 381 00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:45,979 Good to meet you, Marie. 382 00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:48,900 Why? Why would they do this? 383 00:26:49,155 --> 00:26:50,155 Fishing. 384 00:26:50,260 --> 00:26:51,739 They're fishing... 385 00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:55,740 to see if anyone else comes forward. 386 00:26:55,795 --> 00:26:57,608 They're testing you, Paul. 387 00:26:59,982 --> 00:27:01,928 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 388 00:27:02,844 --> 00:27:05,262 [CLICKING OF CAMERAS] 389 00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:08,329 I am... 390 00:27:08,330 --> 00:27:12,249 I am unprepared to respond to these allegations. 391 00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:16,250 But I will say that I am fully cooperating with the police 392 00:27:17,130 --> 00:27:21,049 and I am innocent. 393 00:27:21,050 --> 00:27:22,649 Of course I am. 394 00:27:22,650 --> 00:27:24,209 Obviously... 395 00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:27,489 I would like some privacy at this difficult time. 396 00:27:27,490 --> 00:27:30,609 I recognise that that's very unlikely to happen, 397 00:27:30,610 --> 00:27:34,910 but my family are not, and have chosen not, 398 00:27:35,330 --> 00:27:38,489 to be part of the public world. 399 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:42,289 [SPEECH BECOMES INDISTINCT] 400 00:27:42,290 --> 00:27:45,129 [SHE SIGHS] 401 00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:49,130 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 402 00:27:58,450 --> 00:28:00,409 Thanks for coping with all that. 403 00:28:00,410 --> 00:28:03,410 Already started to run the meter. 404 00:28:09,450 --> 00:28:12,729 Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee. 405 00:28:12,730 --> 00:28:15,769 Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit 406 00:28:15,770 --> 00:28:18,929 of thy womb, Jesus. 407 00:28:18,930 --> 00:28:20,809 Holy Mary, mother of God, 408 00:28:20,810 --> 00:28:24,810 pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death, amen. 409 00:28:28,106 --> 00:28:30,320 You've done something with your hair. 410 00:28:30,660 --> 00:28:32,699 Not sure I have. 411 00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:35,219 I'm not sure you have either. 412 00:28:35,220 --> 00:28:36,979 Force of habit. 413 00:28:36,980 --> 00:28:40,059 In my life surrounded by women, it's always safer to say you've 414 00:28:40,060 --> 00:28:43,208 done something with your hair because, generally, they have. 415 00:28:43,253 --> 00:28:44,413 Not that there is anything... 416 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:49,536 One, two, three, four, five, six. 417 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,090 How are you? 418 00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:00,019 Still getting the cheques? 419 00:29:00,020 --> 00:29:04,020 It's a bank transfer, Dad, so I'm pretty much guaranteed to get them. 420 00:29:05,100 --> 00:29:06,459 This stuff in the papers... 421 00:29:06,460 --> 00:29:07,699 What stuff's that? 422 00:29:07,700 --> 00:29:08,939 What, you've not seen it? 423 00:29:08,940 --> 00:29:11,939 Of course I've seen it. 424 00:29:11,940 --> 00:29:14,099 I was just wondering whether you'd mention it or not. 425 00:29:14,100 --> 00:29:16,499 You don't think they've been here? 426 00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:18,299 You just say, "No comment." 427 00:29:18,300 --> 00:29:19,899 Yeah, yeah, I know. 428 00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:21,259 Yeah, and I know. 429 00:29:21,260 --> 00:29:22,779 It's going to be hard for you. 430 00:29:22,780 --> 00:29:25,779 So I'm just here to say I support you. 431 00:29:25,780 --> 00:29:27,499 Oh, that's moving, Dad. 432 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:30,019 Thank you. 433 00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:32,899 We have Billy and Frances over for the bank holiday, did you know? 434 00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:34,419 Yep. 435 00:29:34,420 --> 00:29:36,939 I think they only come to us cos we give them more chocolate 436 00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:38,099 than their dad. 437 00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:40,139 You let Frances eat chocolate? 438 00:29:40,140 --> 00:29:41,339 Well, shouldn't I? 439 00:29:41,340 --> 00:29:44,219 Well, I always remember you giving me a look when I ate it. 440 00:29:44,220 --> 00:29:46,099 She's as skinny as a rake, that girl, 441 00:29:46,100 --> 00:29:48,139 she could do with some flesh on her bones. 442 00:29:48,140 --> 00:29:50,019 Well, that's an interesting thing to say. 443 00:29:50,020 --> 00:29:51,179 Is it? 444 00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:54,219 Ideas of a female shape that neither me or my daughter, 445 00:29:54,220 --> 00:29:56,779 according to you, conform to. 446 00:29:56,780 --> 00:29:59,480 Isn't that interesting? 447 00:30:02,660 --> 00:30:04,899 Ooh, look. 448 00:30:04,900 --> 00:30:06,299 Do you remember this? 449 00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:08,939 Christ, we're not doing "Do you remember when", are we? 450 00:30:08,940 --> 00:30:11,819 No, Sheffield, 1991. 451 00:30:11,820 --> 00:30:13,299 That Bill Forsyth film. 452 00:30:13,300 --> 00:30:15,939 You and your mum came up for the whole winter. 453 00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:19,019 You won a competition when you were up there. 454 00:30:19,020 --> 00:30:22,699 Some youth talent thingy and you sang... 455 00:30:22,700 --> 00:30:23,819 Oh, I can't remember now. 456 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:26,979 Really? I can't remember any of it. 457 00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:28,659 Well, what's it doing there then? 458 00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:29,819 Mum put the photo up. 459 00:30:29,820 --> 00:30:33,320 She said it was a happy time and I believed her. 460 00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:36,939 You were a lovely wee thing then, you know? 461 00:30:36,940 --> 00:30:39,339 Yeah, I remember you telling me that. 462 00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:41,180 You told me that quite a lot. 463 00:30:41,451 --> 00:30:43,005 Yes. 464 00:30:44,457 --> 00:30:47,188 Mum says you've been visited by a priest. 465 00:30:48,605 --> 00:30:50,400 He didn't just randomly turn up. 466 00:30:50,468 --> 00:30:51,579 I invited him. 467 00:30:51,580 --> 00:30:53,579 Right. Why? 468 00:30:53,580 --> 00:30:56,059 I wanted to see if I could suck his cock. 469 00:30:56,060 --> 00:30:57,699 No, you didn't. 470 00:30:57,700 --> 00:30:59,059 Why? 471 00:30:59,060 --> 00:31:03,019 I had this theory that maybe he might be able to save me from hell. 472 00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:04,179 I've been having this dream. 473 00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:07,139 - You're in it. - Right. 474 00:31:07,140 --> 00:31:10,139 You're not sure whether to be pleased or scared, are you? 475 00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:11,899 Well, it's important for you to tell me. 476 00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:13,339 It's important for me to listen. 477 00:31:13,340 --> 00:31:15,379 You've been listening in therapy, I'm impressed. 478 00:31:15,380 --> 00:31:17,260 We're by a lake, we're having a picnic. 479 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:18,320 What lake? 480 00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:21,539 Does that matter? 481 00:31:21,540 --> 00:31:25,099 Well, yes, I want identify if it's a lake we've been to or been near. 482 00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:26,539 You know, what with your memory. 483 00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:28,259 Yeah, well, I don't think it's historical. 484 00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:29,499 It me, you, Dave and the kids. 485 00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:32,059 I don't think we ever took a trip to a lake with the full family. 486 00:31:32,060 --> 00:31:33,619 My mum made a picnic. 487 00:31:33,620 --> 00:31:35,099 Definitely not Dave. 488 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,299 - It's interesting that he's there. - Not really. 489 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:39,419 It's quite a big picnic. 490 00:31:39,420 --> 00:31:40,899 And I think she baked the bread. 491 00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:42,979 She's like really gone all out, you know? 492 00:31:42,980 --> 00:31:45,499 Just, like, two sandwiches with tomato bread and everybody was 493 00:31:45,500 --> 00:31:47,339 making too much of a fuss about them. 494 00:31:47,340 --> 00:31:49,339 Interesting, we've just got a new bread-maker. 495 00:31:49,340 --> 00:31:51,379 She's been making some very strange combinations. 496 00:31:51,380 --> 00:31:54,459 One, two, three, 497 00:31:54,460 --> 00:31:58,460 four, five, six. 498 00:32:01,140 --> 00:32:05,140 Anyway, you and the kids went off for an explore and we all lay back, 499 00:32:05,180 --> 00:32:08,139 sunny day, and Dave took his top. 500 00:32:08,140 --> 00:32:10,180 And I said he shouldn't in front of mum and he said, 501 00:32:11,211 --> 00:32:12,971 "She doesn't mind, do you, Marie?" 502 00:32:13,017 --> 00:32:14,251 And winked. 503 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:16,660 And she said nothing. 504 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,074 And so I took my top off. 505 00:32:20,182 --> 00:32:21,794 Top and bra. 506 00:32:22,700 --> 00:32:26,700 And he was pissed off but he said nothing. 507 00:32:27,340 --> 00:32:31,340 And then you came back with the kids and I put my top back on. 508 00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:34,539 But left off my bra. 509 00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:38,419 And you had this stone that you'd found in the stream 510 00:32:38,420 --> 00:32:40,419 and you were fucking proud of this stone. 511 00:32:40,420 --> 00:32:41,619 What kind of stone? 512 00:32:41,620 --> 00:32:43,179 It was quite special, actually. 513 00:32:43,180 --> 00:32:46,539 It was almost perfectly black. 514 00:32:46,540 --> 00:32:48,899 And everybody admired it. 515 00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:52,900 And you said you thought it was the hardest stone you'd ever felt. 516 00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:55,619 But Dave wasn't having that. 517 00:32:55,620 --> 00:32:58,620 He said, "All stones are hard, Paul, they're stones." 518 00:33:00,220 --> 00:33:02,619 And then you started talking about how some stones are in fact 519 00:33:02,620 --> 00:33:06,619 softer than others and not just chalk. 520 00:33:06,620 --> 00:33:09,539 You know, for a woman who claims to recollect nothing, 521 00:33:09,540 --> 00:33:13,540 these are an impressive set of memories, do you know that? 522 00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:16,619 And then the argument got more and more heated and then, 523 00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:18,699 finally, to prove how hard the stone was, 524 00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:22,700 you just smacked him around the head with it. 525 00:33:24,180 --> 00:33:27,099 And he fell to the floor... 526 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:30,539 ...bleeding. 527 00:33:30,540 --> 00:33:34,299 And you just stared at him. 528 00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:38,300 And then you looked at me and then down at my tits. 529 00:33:39,740 --> 00:33:42,059 And I hadn't... 530 00:33:42,060 --> 00:33:46,060 put my bra back on. 531 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:55,780 And I knew my nipples were hard and you said... 532 00:33:56,860 --> 00:33:59,499 "Well, I better hit him again. 533 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:02,500 "Otherwise he'll report it, won't he?" 534 00:34:03,740 --> 00:34:07,740 And you told Mum to take the kids away but they wanted to stay. 535 00:34:08,860 --> 00:34:12,860 And you must have clobbered Dave six or seven times. 536 00:34:14,420 --> 00:34:19,620 Then you stopped and said, "Nobody must ever know what happened here." 537 00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:25,600 And we all made a vow of secrecy. 538 00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:31,179 [SHE SIGHS] 539 00:34:31,180 --> 00:34:33,179 What do you think that all means, then? 540 00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:35,099 Have you spoken to your doctors about it? 541 00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:36,299 Nope. 542 00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:38,019 Just the priest. 543 00:34:38,020 --> 00:34:40,139 And what did the priest have to say about it? 544 00:34:40,140 --> 00:34:41,819 That's when he let me blow him. 545 00:34:41,820 --> 00:34:43,939 - Oh, Danielle. - What? 546 00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:46,699 "Is she joking, is she not? Isn't it dangerous when they never know 547 00:34:46,700 --> 00:34:50,700 "whether she sucked the dick of a priest?" 548 00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:57,299 He said that he didn't think that I should see you. 549 00:34:57,300 --> 00:35:01,300 And he said not to let you in the next time that you came. 550 00:35:01,660 --> 00:35:03,780 I would never hurt you... 551 00:35:04,091 --> 00:35:05,634 or Dave... 552 00:35:06,220 --> 00:35:08,059 ...or any of my family. 553 00:35:08,060 --> 00:35:09,339 You know. 554 00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:13,340 You know that. 555 00:35:17,660 --> 00:35:21,059 You realise I'm about to be dragged through hell, don't you? 556 00:35:21,060 --> 00:35:24,779 Aren't we all? 557 00:35:24,780 --> 00:35:27,939 Don't you have the slightest bit of sympathy? 558 00:35:27,940 --> 00:35:30,179 I thought you came around here to support me, 559 00:35:30,180 --> 00:35:31,499 not for my sympathy. 560 00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:33,219 I mean, I'm quoting you there. 561 00:35:33,220 --> 00:35:36,219 Well, whatever I came round here for, clearly it was a mistake. 562 00:35:36,220 --> 00:35:38,019 Yeah. 563 00:35:40,020 --> 00:35:42,020 Yeah, it probably was. 564 00:35:45,140 --> 00:35:47,140 Then I'll go. 565 00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:56,339 I am worried about you. 566 00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:59,340 I'm worried about everything. 567 00:36:05,820 --> 00:36:07,419 Whatever anyone says... 568 00:36:07,420 --> 00:36:09,419 You haven't told me it's bullshit yet. 569 00:36:09,420 --> 00:36:12,179 Of course it fucking is. 570 00:36:12,180 --> 00:36:14,859 I don't know what you want me to say. 571 00:36:14,860 --> 00:36:17,099 But I want you to know there's a big part of me that wants 572 00:36:17,100 --> 00:36:19,100 me to say it. 573 00:36:21,260 --> 00:36:23,260 OK. 574 00:36:30,660 --> 00:36:34,660 [MOTORBIKE REVS] 575 00:36:57,340 --> 00:37:01,340 [CHILDREN SING] 576 00:37:24,940 --> 00:37:26,419 Hi, it's me. 577 00:37:26,420 --> 00:37:27,899 Yeah. 578 00:37:27,900 --> 00:37:30,739 Well, I'm speaking from a phone box, believe it or not. 579 00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:32,899 Mm-hm. 580 00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:34,900 Can I trust you? 581 00:37:38,571 --> 00:37:40,388 The full night. 582 00:37:44,420 --> 00:37:47,460 Do you know, the thing I envy most about the beautiful woman 583 00:37:47,771 --> 00:37:49,337 is the curve of the spine. 584 00:37:49,382 --> 00:37:50,525 [LIGHTER CLICKS] 585 00:37:50,605 --> 00:37:54,480 And the tragedy of a beautiful woman is that that curve fades. 586 00:37:54,537 --> 00:37:55,739 [CIGARETTE CRACKLES] 587 00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:58,419 It doesn't disappear, but it does... fade. 588 00:37:58,420 --> 00:38:00,659 [PERSON EXHALES] 589 00:38:00,660 --> 00:38:03,619 Marie tried very hard. 590 00:38:03,620 --> 00:38:07,339 She was a beautiful woman. 591 00:38:07,340 --> 00:38:11,340 She was a very beautiful woman. 592 00:38:11,380 --> 00:38:13,259 [BOTTLE TOP RATTLES] 593 00:38:13,260 --> 00:38:17,219 Of course, the tragedy of being a man is that we're never beautiful. 594 00:38:17,220 --> 00:38:21,220 But at least there's no beauty to fade. 595 00:38:21,740 --> 00:38:25,740 I mean, I know there's handsome men, but beautiful, pff... 596 00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:32,899 I'm not saying that I am... 597 00:38:32,900 --> 00:38:36,379 I always thought I was rather funny looking. 598 00:38:36,380 --> 00:38:38,179 Distinguished. 599 00:38:38,180 --> 00:38:42,019 You look distinguished. 600 00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:46,020 You could make money, you know. Now that I'm... 601 00:38:46,420 --> 00:38:49,619 - You can make money out of me. - I won't. 602 00:38:49,620 --> 00:38:51,699 Why not? 603 00:38:51,700 --> 00:38:55,339 - Because I don't want the attention. - I like that. 604 00:38:55,340 --> 00:38:58,059 You're not pretending it's out of some affection for me. 605 00:38:58,060 --> 00:38:59,499 I do like that. 606 00:38:59,500 --> 00:39:03,500 I have some affection for you, but it's not my reason. 607 00:39:11,540 --> 00:39:13,540 DRIVER: D'you do it? 608 00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:17,620 You do it?! 609 00:39:20,140 --> 00:39:22,140 No. 610 00:39:32,660 --> 00:39:34,899 Sorry, I didn't think... I thought we'd cancelled. 611 00:39:34,900 --> 00:39:37,719 -No. - No? 612 00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:39,959 - No. - Shit. Sorry. 613 00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:42,339 Oh. Hello, Karl. 614 00:39:42,340 --> 00:39:44,640 So I get the accusations, and he gets the airtime. Hm? 615 00:39:44,684 --> 00:39:46,584 _ 616 00:39:46,660 --> 00:39:48,859 First things first, I want you to know 617 00:39:48,860 --> 00:39:50,419 there is no truth to any of this... 618 00:39:50,420 --> 00:39:52,979 Our first concern, Paul, is to check that you're OK. 619 00:39:52,980 --> 00:39:55,139 Well, I'm fine, but I'd like you to ignore - 620 00:39:55,140 --> 00:39:56,899 I'm asking you to ignore - 621 00:39:56,900 --> 00:39:59,019 all the shite they're writing about me in the papers. 622 00:39:59,020 --> 00:40:01,819 It's simply the local constabulary flexing its arms. 623 00:40:01,820 --> 00:40:04,139 Yeah, it's just background noise as far as I'm concerned. 624 00:40:04,140 --> 00:40:06,619 It's just... yeah, I'm not an audience. 625 00:40:06,620 --> 00:40:09,739 - So this is assurance that... - Simon, Simon. 626 00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:11,779 Listen, I know in the audience's eyes 627 00:40:11,780 --> 00:40:13,259 this might be slightly different, 628 00:40:13,260 --> 00:40:16,459 but I reckon I could do a Deayton or a Ross on this one. 629 00:40:16,460 --> 00:40:19,299 You know? Brazen it out, turn it into a joke. 630 00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:20,819 I'm not sure what the joke would be, 631 00:40:20,820 --> 00:40:23,659 but we could hammer that out with the writers. 632 00:40:23,660 --> 00:40:27,660 After all... a country where you're innocent until proven guilty. 633 00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:31,219 Well, we very much agree with that last statement. 634 00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:34,339 - The trouble is - if I can cut in, Tom. - Of course. 635 00:40:34,340 --> 00:40:37,779 This isn't like Angus Deayton or Jonathan Ross. 636 00:40:37,780 --> 00:40:41,699 Deayton was cocaine and prostitutes, and Ross was... 637 00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:42,790 Bad judgment. 638 00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:44,459 They were a bit... They made a mistake. 639 00:40:44,460 --> 00:40:46,659 A mistake they admitted to. 640 00:40:46,660 --> 00:40:49,779 And in both cases, you're talking about late-night comedy shows, 641 00:40:49,780 --> 00:40:52,179 not Smuggle, a late-afternoon quiz, 642 00:40:52,180 --> 00:40:55,899 which, whilst occasionally funny, has a very different audience. 643 00:40:55,900 --> 00:40:59,619 I can see why you hired him. Very smart. 644 00:40:59,620 --> 00:41:00,859 So the show is off-air? 645 00:41:00,860 --> 00:41:04,459 Actually, we're thinking of bringing in a temporary replacement. 646 00:41:04,460 --> 00:41:07,059 Someone to guide Smuggle in your temporary absence. 647 00:41:07,060 --> 00:41:09,739 Right. Clever. Who're you thinking of? 648 00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:12,819 - We're sounding out a few people. - You're not going to say? 649 00:41:12,820 --> 00:41:16,820 Not until we hear from them. 650 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,100 Well... so long as the show survives unscathed. 651 00:41:22,125 --> 00:41:23,224 Yes. 652 00:41:25,060 --> 00:41:28,099 A lot of good crew working on Smuggle, you know. 653 00:41:28,100 --> 00:41:30,259 They should be protected. 654 00:41:30,260 --> 00:41:34,260 It's just someone to keep your seat warm until you come back. 655 00:41:35,380 --> 00:41:38,419 Right. 656 00:41:38,420 --> 00:41:39,920 [DOOR SHUTS] 657 00:41:43,180 --> 00:41:45,180 Hello, Marie. 658 00:41:48,100 --> 00:41:50,979 Part of me thought you'd killed yourself. 659 00:41:50,980 --> 00:41:53,779 I mean, I must have called you a hundred times... 660 00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:57,299 The press were calling me every two minutes - my battery went flat. 661 00:41:57,300 --> 00:41:59,899 I went into a shop to charge it but they recognised me. 662 00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:00,979 You didn't...? 663 00:42:00,980 --> 00:42:03,619 It didn't occur to you to let me know where you were? 664 00:42:03,620 --> 00:42:07,120 I thought they might be bugging my line. 665 00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:11,539 - I just wanted to escape. - Where did you go? 666 00:42:11,540 --> 00:42:15,379 I was getting very angry and... and ugly. 667 00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:18,619 - And I thought it best to be in my... - Where did you go? 668 00:42:18,620 --> 00:42:21,379 - I visited Dee. - Yes. 669 00:42:21,380 --> 00:42:25,380 I know you visited Dee. And then? 670 00:42:25,740 --> 00:42:28,699 And then I went to the channel to discuss implications about... 671 00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:32,700 You went to a meeting at Channel fucking 4? 672 00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:40,220 And in between I spent the night with somebody. 673 00:42:46,660 --> 00:42:47,660 Oh. 674 00:42:53,140 --> 00:42:57,140 I'm sorry. 675 00:42:58,100 --> 00:43:01,899 About which bit? 676 00:43:01,900 --> 00:43:03,899 Your Jerome called. 677 00:43:03,900 --> 00:43:05,899 He wants you at the office. He wants us both there. 678 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:09,139 Maybe time for a shower. It sounded urgent, so... 679 00:43:09,140 --> 00:43:11,140 let's just get it done, shall we? 680 00:43:11,150 --> 00:43:12,406 _ 681 00:43:12,407 --> 00:43:14,901 _ 682 00:43:14,902 --> 00:43:16,291 _ 683 00:43:16,292 --> 00:43:18,398 _ 684 00:43:18,399 --> 00:43:19,935 _ 685 00:43:19,936 --> 00:43:21,322 _ 686 00:43:21,328 --> 00:43:23,038 _ 687 00:43:23,039 --> 00:43:25,234 _ 688 00:43:41,060 --> 00:43:44,899 Paul, Marie, this is Gerry. He's an ex-detective sergeant. 689 00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:47,259 - He's going to be working with us. - Is he? 690 00:43:47,260 --> 00:43:50,019 Always useful to have an ex-cop around. 691 00:43:50,020 --> 00:43:53,059 Well, I'm a useful insider - that's what I like to say. 692 00:43:53,060 --> 00:43:54,779 - He's good. - Great. 693 00:43:54,780 --> 00:43:56,699 I've got to say, really don't approve of 694 00:43:56,700 --> 00:43:59,619 the stunt they pulled with the photograph. Really unnecessary. 695 00:43:59,620 --> 00:44:01,139 Though it has worked. 696 00:44:01,140 --> 00:44:03,499 OK, so, we're going to need to speak frankly. 697 00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:06,299 Marie, maybe want to step outside and we'll bring you in later? 698 00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:07,899 - I'd rather not. - Paul? 699 00:44:07,900 --> 00:44:10,939 There's very little my husband's done I've not been aware of. 700 00:44:10,940 --> 00:44:13,539 - His affairs have not been subtle. - Fine. 701 00:44:13,540 --> 00:44:15,579 The search of the house, we can deal with, 702 00:44:15,580 --> 00:44:16,979 the computer is still in the labs, 703 00:44:16,980 --> 00:44:19,499 but they previewed the porn you had watched on your phone. 704 00:44:19,500 --> 00:44:20,779 Quite violent. 705 00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:22,739 Nothing too extraordinary - I've seen worse. 706 00:44:22,740 --> 00:44:24,219 But I wish you'd forewarned me, 707 00:44:24,220 --> 00:44:27,339 and they found quite considerable evidence of infidelity again - 708 00:44:27,340 --> 00:44:28,659 nothing truly extraordinary. 709 00:44:28,660 --> 00:44:32,219 Well, you put it around a bit. You're famous. 710 00:44:32,220 --> 00:44:34,259 Juries don't like it, mind you. 711 00:44:34,260 --> 00:44:37,019 Particularly if you presented yourself as a family man. 712 00:44:37,020 --> 00:44:39,419 There are two things which are trickier. 713 00:44:39,420 --> 00:44:41,699 One, the photos have had an effect. 714 00:44:41,700 --> 00:44:44,539 Seven women now have come forward. 715 00:44:44,540 --> 00:44:46,779 - Seven?! - That's a pretty typical number. 716 00:44:46,780 --> 00:44:48,219 Nothing to be too concerned about. 717 00:44:48,220 --> 00:44:49,340 - They could be... - I'm not a... 718 00:44:49,365 --> 00:44:50,299 ...fame-seekers, 719 00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:51,619 they could be money-seekers, 720 00:44:51,620 --> 00:44:54,899 they could have convinced themselves it's true. 721 00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,619 Or it could be true. 722 00:44:56,620 --> 00:44:58,859 The one we're worried about is this girl. 723 00:44:58,860 --> 00:45:01,699 - Christina Farnborough. - She was our babysitter. 724 00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:04,659 - The claim is sexual assault, not rape. - This is nonsense. 725 00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:08,099 Multiple claims. Some in a car. 726 00:45:08,100 --> 00:45:11,339 One attack, she says, happened inside your home. 727 00:45:11,340 --> 00:45:13,339 With your daughter upstairs. 728 00:45:13,340 --> 00:45:15,579 - Christina was 15. - They're saying you're a paedophile. 729 00:45:15,580 --> 00:45:18,099 It's just a... girl. This is horse shit. 730 00:45:18,100 --> 00:45:20,859 We've been asked to bring you in again, and we have agreed to do so. 731 00:45:20,860 --> 00:45:23,979 So we have an hour, and in that hour I want to know everything. 732 00:45:23,980 --> 00:45:25,099 You understand? 733 00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:27,699 Because we won't hear what they've got for a long, long time. 734 00:45:27,700 --> 00:45:31,059 Until then, we want advantage. 735 00:45:31,060 --> 00:45:33,699 So, let's start at the beginning, shall we? 736 00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:37,700 [ETHEREAL MUSIC] 737 00:45:50,220 --> 00:45:53,245 They think I'm Jimmy fucking Savile. 738 00:46:23,499 --> 00:46:25,633 Synced and corrected by benaddicted www.addic7ed.com 55592

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