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Attempt number 803 of my new project.
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This is the one. I can feel it.
3
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I'm ready.
4
00:00:11,270 --> 00:00:13,640
And here we go.
5
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♪ Riding on a groovy wave of love ♪
6
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♪ I'm going for a cosmic ride ♪
7
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♪ Surf the freaky purple vibes of love ♪
8
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♪ The marshmallow cat ♪
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♪ Is inside ♪
10
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"The marshmallow cat is inside?"
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That's what I wrote? That's meaningless.
12
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- Janet.
- Hi, there.
13
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How's the songwriting going?
14
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I'm completely lost here,
15
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and I can't do the stupid E chord.
16
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Would you like a magic guitar
17
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,547
that plays all the notes for you?
18
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,699
It's the number one
request among men over 50
19
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:50,709
who have gotten in here.
20
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:53,439
No, the whole point is
to learn how to do stuff
21
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,264
without using afterlife magic.
22
00:00:55,265 --> 00:00:57,899
You know, maybe keep it on deck.
23
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- I don't know, whatever.
- We should go, by the way.
24
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We're gonna be late.
25
00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:03,640
Oh, where does the time go?
26
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♪ Surfing the freaky purple ♪
27
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,319
So ultimately, this all goes back
28
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,289
to a line from Professor May's book:
29
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:16,219
"Mortality offers meaning to our lives,
30
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:18,479
and morality helps
navigate that meaning."
31
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Wait, what I think it says
32
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is that mortality offers meaning
33
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to the events of our lives.
34
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Uh, check yourself, rando.
35
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I think Chidi Anagonye,
36
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who literally designed the afterlife,
37
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knows what he's talking about.
38
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,591
Look, I'm pretty sure I'm right,
39
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since it's, like, my book.
40
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,209
Yes, Professor May,
you're probably right
41
00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:37,180
about what you wrote.
42
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:39,079
Still think he should check himself.
43
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,419
Okay, everyone, we'll see
you all here next week.
44
00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:44,059
Professor Hieronymi will be
teaching the trolley problem.
45
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:47,019
Bring ponchos. It gets messy.
46
00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:48,500
You ready, Chidi?
47
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:56,532
Hello, Jeff. I see the
collection's grown.
48
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Sure has. I have 322 frog things now.
49
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,788
323! I just got another one!
50
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,949
Ha!
51
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Never not excited about frogs, that guy.
52
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,179
He knows what he likes.
53
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,079
This meeting of the Joint
Council of Afterlife Affairs
54
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,349
is called to order.
55
00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,119
Let's make this quick, kids.
56
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,349
I just started rewatching
"The Leftovers."
57
00:02:16,350 --> 00:02:17,999
Honestly, when I found out
58
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,999
that Carrie Coon was never nominated,
59
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I almost erased 2% of humanity.
60
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,439
Michael, update?
61
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,659
Things are going fairly well.
62
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:28,499
A new crop of humans
just passed their tests.
63
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:30,369
Among the notables who got in,
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00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:33,444
Roberto Clemente, Zora Neale Hurston,
65
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,113
- Saint Thomas Aquinas...
- Yes!
66
00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:39,579
Eighth-century Sufi mystic
poet Hazrat Bibi Rabia Basri,
67
00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:40,779
and Clara Peller.
68
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:43,162
She was the "Where's the beef?" lady.
69
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,060
- Oh.
- "Where's the beef?" lady got in.
70
00:02:45,070 --> 00:02:46,958
So, that's fun.
71
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,626
Honestly, our biggest problem
72
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,337
is that we need more
architects and actors.
73
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,759
Well, sorry, but these
younger demon actors
74
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,591
have no dedication to their craft.
75
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,844
They think they can just start acting.
76
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:01,055
They have to learn that
acting is reacting,
77
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,641
and reacting is pre-acting,
78
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,569
but pre-acting, well,
79
00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:07,061
that's just being.
80
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,939
Okay, take it down a
notch, Daniel Day-Lewis.
81
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,732
- Shawn, what you got?
- Well,
82
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,859
I'll begin by saying that
this new system stinks,
83
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,190
and Michael stinks,
84
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,619
and we should throw
this all in the garbage
85
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:17,779
and go back to the way it used to be
86
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:18,899
when everyone was tortured.
87
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,549
There's still some bumps in the road,
88
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:23,786
but this system is good,
and it's working.
89
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,705
Come on, admit it.
90
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:26,759
I will never,
91
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,624
ever, ever, ever, ever,
92
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:32,253
ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever,
93
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,879
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
94
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ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
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ever,
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admit that.
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I know, buddy. I know.
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00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:50,259
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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_
100
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,280
_
101
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,219
What time is it?
102
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:00,189
I don't know.
103
00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:01,729
Really?
104
00:04:01,730 --> 00:04:03,229
Yeah.
105
00:04:03,230 --> 00:04:05,159
At one point, hundreds of Bearimies ago,
106
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,229
I turned off my ability
to know what time it is
107
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:10,319
anywhere in the universe
when you and I are together.
108
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,510
I like not knowing.
109
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,760
It's 10:42 a.m. Sorry.
110
00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:17,269
Saying out loud that I
didn't know something
111
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made me feel weird.
112
00:04:18,342 --> 00:04:22,279
Man, I feel weird when
I do know something.
113
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,879
You and I are very different.
114
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,475
Okay, gotta go meet my dad.
I'm gonna try one more time.
115
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,269
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
116
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I'm freaking out, man.
117
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,619
You got this, dawg.
118
00:04:33,620 --> 00:04:35,729
One more play, for all the marbles.
119
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I love you, and I believe in you.
120
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,139
Thanks, Dad. Okay.
121
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,492
Here we go.
122
00:04:43,493 --> 00:04:45,300
Bortles gonna throw.
123
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,029
Yes!
124
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,799
You did it!
125
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,539
It took you more than 433,000 tries,
126
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:56,879
but you just played the
perfect game of Madden!
127
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,979
You did it!
128
00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:00,050
That's my boy.
129
00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:01,649
That's my boy.
130
00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:05,388
I did it.
131
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,939
- Janet?
- Hi, there.
132
00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:14,979
Hi, Janet. I made dinner.
133
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:16,699
You always make it for me, so this time,
134
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,669
I wanted to make it, and real talk,
135
00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:20,027
it didn't go great.
136
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,487
This is spaghetti.
137
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,269
Now, I know it looks weird,
138
00:05:23,270 --> 00:05:25,679
but I bit off a chunk, and actually,
139
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,989
it's pretty bad.
140
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:29,899
Also, I put out the forks and knives
141
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the way kings and queens do it.
142
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Close to the plates.
143
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,252
- Also...
- Uh-oh.
144
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,755
Oh, dip.
145
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,929
Yeah.
146
00:05:41,930 --> 00:05:44,320
So...
147
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:46,719
I need to talk to everyone.
148
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,515
Should I ask them to come here?
149
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,499
No, I...
150
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,269
I had a better idea.
151
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,857
- Hello, you two.
- Hi.
152
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,859
What fun meeting back here.
153
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Wow, you even restored it
to the way it used to look.
154
00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:04,879
What inspired this, J-Dog?
155
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,449
You get a hankering for frozen yogurt?
156
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,779
No.
157
00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:09,286
I have an announcement to make.
158
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I'm leaving.
159
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Going through the door.
160
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Wow.
161
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,909
Are you sure?
162
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:21,047
Yeah, I am. It's time.
163
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,090
We thought the best move was
to gather everyone together
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for a sort of farewell party.
165
00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,762
We're gonna eat and drink,
and there will be dancing.
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Fun.
167
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:30,639
Whee!
168
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,059
Okay, homies, you're sad.
169
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,779
I can tell 'cause you have
the same looks on your faces
170
00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:38,607
that my teachers did whenever
I raised my hand in class.
171
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:40,079
But let's be happy.
172
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I'm gonna DJ!
173
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,719
We'll play EDM all night.
174
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:43,859
- Come on.
- Come on.
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00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:46,155
Oof.
176
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,991
Now I'm bummed about two things.
177
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:57,659
- Hey there, Doug.
- Hi.
178
00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:00,539
- Having fun?
- I've had so much chicken!
179
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,409
It's probably good you
chose your young body.
180
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:03,640
Yeah.
181
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,380
How are you doing?
182
00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:12,765
I'm okay, Michael. How are you?
183
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,768
Well, I'm sad,
184
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,279
and I know you're the most
advanced being in the universe,
185
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,310
but I feel like I need to tell you,
186
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,809
it's okay if you're sad too.
187
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,279
I know.
188
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,219
And I am a little, but also,
189
00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:30,616
I know this is the right
time for him to leave.
190
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,739
I really am okay, I promise.
191
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,538
Will you come talk to me if you're not?
192
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:36,719
Always.
193
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,509
How y'all doing tonight?
194
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,169
Okay, homies, we got
a real special treat.
195
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,797
My old dance crew Dance
Dance Resolution is here.
196
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,133
Y'all ready to tear it up one last time?
197
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,679
Yes! Yes!
198
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:40,639
That was special.
199
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,739
I'll never forget this night.
200
00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:46,232
Until I walk through the door
and dissolve into the universe.
201
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:48,139
Can I ask you something, buddy?
202
00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:51,489
How did you know?
203
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:55,993
It wasn't like I heard a
bell ring or anything.
204
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:59,589
I just suddenly had this calm feeling,
205
00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:02,340
like the air inside my lungs
206
00:09:02,350 --> 00:09:06,212
was the same as the air outside my body.
207
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,547
It was peaceful.
208
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,359
You know the feeling when you think
209
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,339
a jalapeño popper is gonna be too hot,
210
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:14,059
but you bite into it anyway
211
00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:16,097
and it's actually the
perfect temperature?
212
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:18,140
Believe it or not,
I do know that feeling.
213
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,976
- That feeling rules.
- There you go!
214
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,709
Uh,
215
00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:24,731
can I get your advice on something?
216
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:28,440
I'm scared Janet's gonna forget me.
217
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,819
Her falling in love with someone else,
218
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,059
I'm fine with that. Like, if Jason Momoa
219
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,200
or if Lara Croft Tomb Raider gets in,
220
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,699
and Janet's like, "That's what's up,"
221
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:41,659
totally cool, but her forgetting me
222
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:42,909
would be sad,
223
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,820
so I made her this.
224
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,079
What do you guys think?
225
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,669
It's lovely.
226
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:52,079
But she's not gonna forget you, man.
227
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,679
I mean,
228
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,359
she literally can't.
229
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,139
She remembers everything
that ever happened.
230
00:09:57,140 --> 00:09:59,969
Even if she could forget someone,
231
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,477
I don't think she's gonna forget you.
232
00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:04,989
Thanks.
233
00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:07,815
When I had Jason, I was 18 years old.
234
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:11,611
In many ways, Jason raised me
just as much as I raised him.
235
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:15,030
So, thanks for being a great dad, son.
236
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,269
I love you, Dad!
237
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,559
Jason is the realest dude ever.
238
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,997
I mean, none of us are real anymore.
239
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:25,541
We're all just Caspers
the Ghost and whatnot,
240
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,670
which is funny 'cause me
and Jason ain't even white.
241
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,540
Why are all ghosts white?
242
00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:33,379
Aw, dip. Are ghosts racist?
243
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,840
What I'm trying to say
is, I love you, dawg,
244
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:39,972
you're my hero, you're my best friend,
245
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,308
and you're my Gardner Minshew.
246
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,599
You can sit on that bench
as long as you want.
247
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,056
Whenever you're ready,
you just walk through.
248
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,849
I love you, Janet.
249
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:30,519
I love you too, Jason.
250
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,526
I hope you have a nice rest of eternity.
251
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,322
- Hmm.
- I made you something.
252
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,739
Aw, dip, I lost it.
253
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:42,699
- It's okay.
- No, it's not.
254
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,959
I made you this cool
thing so you remember me
255
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,580
even when you're married to Aquaman,
256
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:49,959
and I lost it somewhere in this forest.
257
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,699
Some magical squirrel probably ate it.
258
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,359
Jason, it's okay.
259
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,089
I'm never gonna forget you.
260
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,134
In fact, to me, you won't
even really be gone.
261
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:01,799
I don't experience time
the same way you do.
262
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,099
I kind of live all times at once.
263
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:08,039
I know what you mean.
264
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,509
Once, I smoked salvia,
265
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:13,023
and saw the past and the
future at the same time.
266
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,443
Then I tried to brush
my teeth with my cat.
267
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:17,949
To me,
268
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,119
remembering moments with you
269
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,740
is the same as living in them.
270
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,959
Can you just remember the happy times
271
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,819
and forget the bad stuff?
272
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:31,320
There was no bad stuff.
273
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,544
It was all good.
274
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:55,839
_
275
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,029
Wow.
276
00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:00,070
These spindles are gorgeous.
277
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,629
And there's almost a
feeling of musculature
278
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:03,866
to this transition.
279
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,899
The oak just sort of told me the shape
280
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,299
before I even got to the spoke shave.
281
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,239
This under-bevel is a great trick.
282
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,699
It really makes it feel lighter
283
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,830
while leaving you plenty
of beef to carve.
284
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,179
It's really just a modified Danish line.
285
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:16,795
Still, you made it your own.
286
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,048
This is as good a chair as I've seen.
287
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,619
I have nothing left to teach you.
288
00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,093
Hurrah!
289
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,804
Thank you!
290
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:27,009
Janet!
291
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,267
- Hi there.
- Call up the list please.
292
00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:31,579
Congratulations.
293
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,959
Actually, I just finished
repaving my driveway yesterday,
294
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,809
so cross that one off too.
295
00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:38,299
Before you start your next project,
296
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,549
you should know, that thing
297
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:42,239
that you asked me to tell
you when it happened?
298
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,323
It happened.
299
00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:46,658
I mean, they've gone through the system,
300
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,779
so they'll be a little different, right?
301
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:50,999
One would hope.
302
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,499
I've never had lunch with Mum and Dad.
303
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,879
I've only ever stood
silently behind their chairs
304
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,295
while they ate lobster tail
with Oscar de la Renta.
305
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,219
I'm right here.
306
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:01,716
We will get through this together.
307
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,230
Here we go.
308
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,419
Mother, Father, welcome to...
309
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:10,933
My darlings!
310
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,599
My darlings. Oh!
311
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,169
Oh, my little girls.
312
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:17,439
We love you both so much.
313
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,299
So very much.
314
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,879
We have a million things
to talk to you about,
315
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,780
but first, we are sorry.
316
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:28,618
We'll just be endlessly
sorry forever and ever.
317
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,460
Holy crap.
318
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,206
I know, right?
319
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,399
Ugh.
320
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,979
For the 1,000,000th time,
321
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,079
they've sent us teddy bears and flowers.
322
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,399
You think they'd understand
323
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,360
that we can get these things
ourselves if we want.
324
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,549
Ah, that's lovely.
325
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:04,989
Thanks.
326
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,819
You know, I never thought
I would say this,
327
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:10,029
but I'm getting a little
bored of Mum and Dad
328
00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:13,439
telling us how much they love us.
329
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,899
Yes.
330
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,729
Isn't that something?
331
00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:24,859
Well, this may not come as
a surprise to any of you,
332
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,979
but...
333
00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:28,510
I'm ready to go.
334
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,929
Aw, nuts. I knew it.
335
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,807
- You finished everything on your list?
- I did.
336
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:34,979
I learned how to install a bathtub,
337
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,852
fly a helicopter, defuse a bomb,
338
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,429
deliver the perfect backhand slice.
339
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:42,999
My last goal was to spend one
meaningful day with my parents,
340
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,859
and now I've spent thousands of them.
341
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,321
I feel complete.
342
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,299
Would you like me to prepare
a farewell party for you?
343
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,519
No need. I've done it myself.
344
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,659
I've cooked all the food,
mixed all the drinks,
345
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:56,309
made all the furniture,
repainted all the walls,
346
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,165
and trained all the animals.
347
00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,208
Champagne?
348
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,239
Uh, sure. Thank you, panda.
349
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,879
Also, I've already said good-bye
350
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:03,909
to everyone else in my life.
351
00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:06,649
My sister, my parents, B and J.
352
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,299
They took it very hard.
353
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,589
Tonight, it's just us.
354
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:21,259
I hate to tell you this,
355
00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:24,608
but your risotto was
just a little sticky.
356
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,111
- Was it?
- No, damn it, it was amazing.
357
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,139
Just trying to figure
out a way to get you
358
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,363
to hang around for a few more Bearimies.
359
00:16:31,364 --> 00:16:33,440
Can I tell you something?
360
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:35,744
You're my role model.
361
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,579
Come on.
362
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,239
- I'm serious.
- Babe,
363
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,899
you were already the
most impressive person
364
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,089
I ever met,
365
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,219
and now you can do literally everything.
366
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,629
If that's true,
it's because you inspired me.
367
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:51,299
I admire you so very much.
368
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:54,729
Your strength, your
toughness, your self-esteem,
369
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:58,339
not to mention you have a rocking bod.
370
00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,560
Did you just turn the tables on me?
371
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,180
I got nothing left to teach you.
372
00:17:04,970 --> 00:17:06,739
- Janet.
- Hi there.
373
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,861
One more goal to add to the list please.
374
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,697
- _
- Now cross it off.
375
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,779
I know we already said good-bye.
376
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:16,849
I'm not even here.
377
00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:18,139
I just had to see you one last time,
378
00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:20,240
because I hooked up with
Alexander the Great!
379
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,029
And it was more like Alexander the Fine.
380
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:25,139
Okay, anyway, I love you,
I love you, good-bye forever.
381
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:27,379
- Bye, love!
- Bye!
382
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,699
I admire your breadth of knowledge.
383
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,092
I can only do one thing:
be an architect.
384
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,439
I've spent the last 500 Bearimies
385
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,269
trying to learn how to play the guitar,
386
00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:39,139
and I just mastered "Hey There Delilah."
387
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,199
Don't sell yourself short, Michael.
388
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,909
I dare say you're the greatest
architect in existence,
389
00:17:44,910 --> 00:17:46,279
and I should know.
390
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,859
Frank Gehry is my godfather.
391
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,519
Fair enough. I deserved that.
392
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,239
Oh, Tahani, I'm gonna miss you, babe.
393
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,701
Wait.
394
00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,569
I don't want to leave.
395
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:00,859
Great!
396
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:03,415
Then stay. New party, everyone.
397
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,125
- A staying party.
- Whoo!
398
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,252
No. I-I also don't want to stay.
399
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,819
I'm done here, but I
don't want to go there.
400
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,299
It's kind of your only options.
401
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,959
No, they aren't.
402
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,579
I want to learn to do
what you do, Michael.
403
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,806
I want to be an architect.
Design afterlives.
404
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,249
Tahani, you're a wonderful person,
405
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:25,103
but you're a person. It's impossible.
406
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,969
Nonsense! I can learn.
407
00:18:26,970 --> 00:18:28,899
Just like I learned
all this other stuff.
408
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,152
I've spent most of my life
pretending to help people.
409
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,404
If I were an architect,
I could do it for real.
410
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,689
Let me at least try.
411
00:18:36,690 --> 00:18:39,919
Don't make me talk to your manager.
412
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,950
- Oh!
- Ooh!
413
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,989
- That's my girl!
- Oh.
414
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,959
Hey, Jeff.
415
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,628
Boy, kind of getting
away from you here, huh?
416
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:50,119
Yeah.
417
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:53,465
I love frogs though, so it's awesome.
418
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,959
I did bring you one.
419
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,969
Oh, thanks, Tahani.
Just toss it on the pile.
420
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,349
Hang on, hang on.
421
00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:02,719
So, you can never tell a woman to smile?
422
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,259
What if she'd legitimately
be prettier if she smiled?
423
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:06,978
- _
- Aren't I helping her?
424
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,809
Glenn, Beadie,
425
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:11,739
this is your new intern, Tahani.
426
00:19:11,740 --> 00:19:12,979
Tahani!
427
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,659
This is so neat. I haven't seen you
428
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:17,039
since I was exploded into goo.
429
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,116
I didn't get any me on you, did I?
430
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:22,411
You did, but it's all
goo under the bridge.
431
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,539
Anyway, I want to learn everything.
432
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,625
I shall start at the
bottom and earn my way up.
433
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:31,259
To wit, would anyone like
a cup of antimatter?
434
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,630
Sure, I take mine with
nondairy neutrinos.
435
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,341
Coming right up.
436
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:42,059
Thank you, Michael, for everything.
437
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:44,269
You're welcome.
438
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:47,644
I brought you a little "first
day on the job" present.
439
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,469
Once you're a big deal around here,
440
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,401
I hope you don't mind if I
brag about knowing you.
441
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,839
Name-dropping's a
little gauche, Michael,
442
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,573
but do as you must.
443
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,159
Hmm.
444
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,560
_
445
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,139
"Working out the terms
of moral justification
446
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:11,919
is an unending task."
447
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,459
Boom!
448
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:14,760
I did it!
449
00:20:14,770 --> 00:20:16,719
It only took me 2,000 Bearimies,
450
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,550
but I finally finished that book.
451
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,159
Ha-ha, sucker!
452
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,636
Reading you was an unending task,
453
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,429
but I freaking did it!
454
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,299
- Congrats, babe.
- Thanks.
455
00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,560
- What are you reading?
- "The Da Vinci Code."
456
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:29,739
- Really?
- Yeah, after a thousand lifetimes
457
00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:31,619
of reading the most difficult
writings in the world,
458
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:33,679
I've acquired a new passion.
459
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,233
Garbage books.
460
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,349
Hey, do you think I would've
been a good symbologist,
461
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,799
if that were a real job?
462
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,579
Yes, I do. Ya very cute.
463
00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:44,201
- Come on. We gotta go to dinner.
- Oh.
464
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:46,640
I cannot believe she
learned to cook this well.
465
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:48,180
When I first met Tahani on Earth,
466
00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:50,582
she was trying to shove jewelry
into a vending machine.
467
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:53,629
Okay, well, if she is an architect,
468
00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:55,619
then she should design my idea.
469
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:58,379
A karaoke room that's
also a tanning bed.
470
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,160
Ooh, yes, and, like, the
harder you commit to the song,
471
00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:02,879
like, the tanner you get?
472
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,379
I gotta say, I am so glad
that going through the system
473
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,805
did not totally change
you two ding-dongs.
474
00:21:07,806 --> 00:21:09,819
Oh. For dessert,
475
00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,228
we have to get the tiramisu.
476
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:12,354
Man.
477
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:15,357
Chidi Anagonye just
casually making choices.
478
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,489
I never thought I'd live to see it.
479
00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:18,819
I mean, I guess I didn't.
480
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,189
Oh, that's right!
481
00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:21,738
'Cause we're all dead!
482
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,160
That was so fun.
483
00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:29,469
Yeah.
484
00:21:29,470 --> 00:21:30,956
Yeah, it's always fun to see them.
485
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,124
Every time we do it, it's fun.
486
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,799
I had coffee with my mom the other day,
487
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,002
and she says hi,
488
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:37,629
but she also finally
489
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,798
learned how to pronounce
your mom's name.
490
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,709
Which is good.
491
00:21:41,710 --> 00:21:43,679
Yeah, yeah, they were joking about that
492
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:44,959
last time we saw them.
493
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,249
- Mm.
- Remember?
494
00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:48,432
Oh, right. Yeah.
495
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:51,644
Shakespeare went through the door.
496
00:21:51,645 --> 00:21:52,849
- Really?
- Yeah.
497
00:21:52,850 --> 00:21:55,719
- Everyone's talking about it.
- It's probably for the best.
498
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,160
His last 4,000 plays
were not nearly as good
499
00:21:58,170 --> 00:21:59,659
as the ones he wrote on Earth.
500
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:01,879
I mean, did you see "The Tempest 2:
501
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,319
Here We Blow Again?"
502
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,499
Woof.
503
00:22:09,460 --> 00:22:11,079
You mind if we go home?
504
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,579
I'm tired.
505
00:22:12,580 --> 00:22:14,059
Sure.
506
00:22:14,060 --> 00:22:16,309
- All right.
- Okay.
507
00:22:21,350 --> 00:22:23,619
Um...
508
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:25,160
I'm gonna get ready for bed.
509
00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:27,179
Cool. I'm gonna take a little stroll.
510
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,459
- I'll see you in a bit.
- Okay.
511
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,729
Dude.
512
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:37,829
Oh, hey, perfect.
513
00:22:37,830 --> 00:22:40,039
Are these good lyrics?
514
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:44,079
♪ The psychedelic stardust
and moonbeam banana ♪
515
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,609
No, stop, that's terrible,
and we got a problem.
516
00:22:46,610 --> 00:22:48,639
I think Chidi's gonna leave.
517
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,679
Really?
518
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,340
Did he say he was ready?
519
00:22:52,350 --> 00:22:54,039
He didn't say exactly that,
520
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,160
but he's getting close. I can tell.
521
00:22:56,170 --> 00:22:58,779
I need to do something to
shake things up, you know?
522
00:22:58,780 --> 00:22:59,999
Light a spark.
523
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,819
Oh! Janet?
524
00:23:01,820 --> 00:23:03,589
- Hi there.
- Hi.
525
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,699
I think Chidi's almost ready
to walk through the door,
526
00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:07,719
and I need to keep him here, so, um,
527
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,079
can you make me a bed shaped
like a giant highlighter
528
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,099
and, like, a sexy edible
valedictorian robe?
529
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:16,509
No, I think this calls
for something spiritual.
530
00:23:16,510 --> 00:23:17,939
Ah, okay, but if I do this right,
531
00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:19,260
my man's gonna be talking to God.
532
00:23:19,270 --> 00:23:20,982
You know what I mean?
Wait, what do you mean?
533
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,679
Forgive me, Eleanor,
but if Chidi's ready to go,
534
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,079
it's time for him to go.
535
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,449
Ah, he didn't say that yet though.
536
00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:29,340
We're in classic Chidi grey area.
537
00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:30,749
You need to remind him
538
00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:32,819
of what's great about this place.
539
00:23:32,820 --> 00:23:33,959
Oh, oh.
540
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,859
Remember where he took us,
like, the first month
541
00:23:35,860 --> 00:23:38,489
- when we were all together?
- Oh, great idea. Yes.
542
00:23:38,490 --> 00:23:40,640
- Janet, set the scene.
- Okay.
543
00:23:40,650 --> 00:23:42,820
Would you like it restored
to its original glory?
544
00:23:42,830 --> 00:23:43,849
No.
545
00:23:43,850 --> 00:23:45,679
The first time he went,
he was in college.
546
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,079
Have it look and feel
exactly like it was
547
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,469
that day when he fell in love with it.
548
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,119
Also, pack me the edible robe.
549
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:53,979
That might seal the deal.
550
00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:56,020
Okay. You're all set.
551
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,199
Hey, guess what?
552
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,719
Surprise trip. Come on.
553
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,959
Surprise trip? Now?
554
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,039
Yeah. Special fun trip, just us two.
555
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,049
Let's go.
556
00:24:06,050 --> 00:24:07,889
Can I change out of my pajamas first?
557
00:24:07,890 --> 00:24:09,759
Let the door do it! Come on!
558
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,959
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Okay, okay, okay.
559
00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:20,220
Oh.
560
00:24:20,230 --> 00:24:22,579
Oh, man, Eleanor.
561
00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:23,649
Right?
562
00:24:23,650 --> 00:24:25,338
We haven't been here in so long.
563
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:26,639
Athens.
564
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,635
Man, this city, it takes
my breath away every time.
565
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,179
Talk it out, bud.
566
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:32,909
Tell me everything you
know about this place
567
00:24:32,910 --> 00:24:34,479
because, full disclosure,
568
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,307
I didn't really listen the
first time you told me.
569
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:40,020
Well, I mean, that's the Acropolis.
570
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,647
Oh, and this is the Pnyx.
571
00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:45,329
Thousands of Athenians would gather here
572
00:24:45,330 --> 00:24:48,329
and listen to people discuss
their city and its laws
573
00:24:48,330 --> 00:24:50,989
from that stage right there.
574
00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:52,899
This is literally where
democracy started.
575
00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:55,679
Well, that's fine and
dandy, but as you may know,
576
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,659
I'm kind of a philosophy gal.
577
00:24:57,660 --> 00:25:00,659
Where were the big brains hanging out?
578
00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:04,809
Socrates, Aristotle, Plato, Diogenes,
579
00:25:04,810 --> 00:25:08,673
they all gathered right
here in the agora.
580
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:11,289
It was like the Avengers,
but for super thinkers.
581
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:13,789
Oh, come on. You brought me here.
582
00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:15,089
You knew what was gonna happen.
583
00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:17,682
No, I love that you're so happy.
584
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:18,959
Hey, let me ask you something.
585
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,999
Is it weird that when I
picture ancient Greeks,
586
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,271
I make them really hot?
587
00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:26,775
Like, to me, Aristotle is basically
John Stamos with a beard.
588
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:28,539
Honestly, that's kind of
how I picture him too.
589
00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:30,779
Good, same page.
590
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,219
What's this called again? Koulouvi?
591
00:25:51,220 --> 00:25:52,699
Koulouri,
592
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:54,719
and I lived on these when I was here.
593
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,429
I like to picture young
Chidi Anagonye here,
594
00:25:57,430 --> 00:25:59,390
reading, nerding out,
595
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,659
treating himself to a koulouri,
if he had an astute insight
596
00:26:02,660 --> 00:26:04,559
into Aristotelian virtue ethics.
597
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,039
Oh, that... is accurate.
598
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,520
That is an accurate picture
of 20-year-old me.
599
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,609
This was so special.
600
00:26:15,610 --> 00:26:17,239
Thank you.
601
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,828
Should we head home?
602
00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:21,699
Nope, because...
603
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:23,299
we're not done yet.
604
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:25,180
There's more special trip.
605
00:26:25,190 --> 00:26:27,129
- Janet?
- Hi there.
606
00:26:27,130 --> 00:26:28,279
You enjoying your trip, Chidi?
607
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,129
Yes, we are, but it's not over yet.
608
00:26:31,130 --> 00:26:34,559
We are ready to head to
destination number two.
609
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,095
- Remember?
- Yes, of course.
610
00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,589
Head right this way.
611
00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:46,819
Oh, man. Oh, wow.
612
00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:47,949
Paris.
613
00:26:47,950 --> 00:26:51,149
Yes, Paris, obviously.
614
00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:52,819
My favorite city.
615
00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:55,719
And you even picked the ideal weather.
616
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,615
Overcast and chilly.
617
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,201
Perfect for staying inside and reading.
618
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,999
Is this what you were hinting to me?
619
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,666
I was thinking Six Flags,
but this is way better.
620
00:27:06,380 --> 00:27:09,210
I used to come to this café
every day when I lived here.
621
00:27:09,211 --> 00:27:11,119
I tried to sit in a
different seat each time
622
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,969
so I could eventually say
623
00:27:12,970 --> 00:27:16,079
that I definitely sat
in the exact same place
624
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:20,019
as Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir,
625
00:27:20,020 --> 00:27:22,974
Richard Wright, Brecht, James Baldwin.
626
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:26,589
Well, we got all the time
in the world now, baby.
627
00:27:26,590 --> 00:27:29,773
Put that booty in a
seat warmed by history.
628
00:27:31,940 --> 00:27:33,860
Eleanor, I know what you're doing.
629
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,969
Being the best eternal girlfriend ever?
630
00:27:36,970 --> 00:27:38,157
Guilty.
631
00:27:38,970 --> 00:27:40,826
Let's take a walk.
632
00:27:42,500 --> 00:27:44,809
So, Eleanor,
633
00:27:44,810 --> 00:27:46,664
here it is.
634
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,779
I love you,
635
00:27:48,780 --> 00:27:50,819
completely and utterly.
636
00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:51,919
Oh, crap.
637
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,959
But I have to go.
638
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,979
But you don't though.
639
00:27:54,980 --> 00:27:58,218
You don't have to go.
You don't have to leave me.
640
00:27:58,219 --> 00:28:00,199
I don't want to leave you.
641
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,179
I'm just ready to leave.
642
00:28:03,180 --> 00:28:05,439
I have the same feeling
that the others described,
643
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,899
a kind of quietude in my soul.
644
00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:10,029
But you just had it.
645
00:28:10,030 --> 00:28:12,523
What if those other dummies
didn't wait long enough,
646
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:13,869
and the feeling fades,
647
00:28:13,870 --> 00:28:16,619
and you get to spend
another billion Bearimies
648
00:28:16,620 --> 00:28:19,719
in fake afterlife Europe with
your kickass girlfriend?
649
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,239
I didn't just have it.
650
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,600
I've had it a long time.
651
00:28:24,580 --> 00:28:27,879
Remember that day we
were with our parents?
652
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,219
My mom kissed you good-bye,
653
00:28:30,220 --> 00:28:31,949
and got lipstick on your cheek,
654
00:28:31,950 --> 00:28:35,880
and your mom rubbed it off.
655
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:39,959
I don't know why that was it, but...
656
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,629
that was it.
657
00:28:41,630 --> 00:28:44,720
And I didn't want to tell you because...
658
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:46,640
because.
659
00:28:46,650 --> 00:28:49,519
No, man, this can't be...
660
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,639
because Jason's gone,
661
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,109
Tahani's off doing her thing,
662
00:28:53,110 --> 00:28:55,399
and I'm not ready to go,
663
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,899
so if you leave, then I'm alone here.
664
00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:01,019
I was alone my whole life,
665
00:29:01,020 --> 00:29:05,049
and I told myself I like
it that way, but I don't.
666
00:29:05,050 --> 00:29:08,159
I like being with you.
667
00:29:10,740 --> 00:29:12,159
Okay, I won't go.
668
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,649
- Really?
- Yeah, I won't go.
669
00:29:14,650 --> 00:29:16,299
There's...
670
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:18,779
there is still plenty to do.
671
00:29:18,780 --> 00:29:21,120
I'll stay.
672
00:29:23,345 --> 00:29:25,119
Who's ready for Six Flags?
673
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,639
Oh, we're good.
674
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,475
We got it. He's gonna stay.
675
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,909
Turn into birds and fly to Notre Dame?
676
00:29:35,910 --> 00:29:37,419
Stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower
677
00:29:37,420 --> 00:29:40,179
and throw water balloons
onto imaginary tourists?
678
00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:41,904
Whatever you want to do.
679
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,489
Okay, well, let's freshen up,
680
00:29:44,490 --> 00:29:46,279
have dinner at some schmancy restaurant,
681
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:47,919
order a million-dollar bottle of wine,
682
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,259
even though it tastes exactly
like cheap, stupid wine,
683
00:29:50,260 --> 00:29:52,559
and sit in a room at the George V
684
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:53,929
and watch "Real Housewives"
685
00:29:53,930 --> 00:29:56,003
of whatever city they're
doing that in now.
686
00:29:56,870 --> 00:29:58,171
Love it.
687
00:29:58,172 --> 00:30:00,239
I'm gonna walk around
my old neighborhood.
688
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,669
See where I used to live.
689
00:30:01,670 --> 00:30:02,979
Meet you at the restaurant?
690
00:30:02,980 --> 00:30:05,480
- Yeah.
- All right.
691
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,210
Let's see what's on the menu.
692
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,839
Literally anything you
could possibly imagine.
693
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,299
Hmm. What are you thinking?
694
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,949
"Working out the terms
of moral justification
695
00:30:45,950 --> 00:30:48,304
is an unending task."
696
00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:50,014
That's what I was thinking about.
697
00:30:50,015 --> 00:30:51,474
That sentence.
698
00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:53,018
You want to eat that
sentence for dinner?
699
00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:54,259
Can we eat words,
700
00:30:54,260 --> 00:30:55,479
'cause I asked Janet about this and...
701
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,789
No, no, it's the last
line of Scanlon's book.
702
00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:00,219
- Remember?
- Ah.
703
00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:02,459
The whole book is about how
we should try to find rules
704
00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:04,379
other people can't reasonably reject,
705
00:31:04,380 --> 00:31:06,299
and then he ends it by saying,
706
00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:08,899
"The search for how to find those rules
707
00:31:08,900 --> 00:31:11,161
will go on forever."
708
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,489
I proposed a rule
709
00:31:13,490 --> 00:31:16,179
that Chidis shouldn't
be allowed to leave
710
00:31:16,180 --> 00:31:18,460
because it would make Eleanors sad,
711
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,039
and I could do this forever,
712
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,439
zip you around the universe
showing you cool stuff,
713
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,459
and I'd still never
find the justification
714
00:31:28,460 --> 00:31:31,460
for getting you to stay.
715
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,309
Because it's a selfish rule.
716
00:31:35,730 --> 00:31:37,929
I owe it to you
717
00:31:37,930 --> 00:31:39,731
to let you go.
718
00:32:01,060 --> 00:32:03,880
I was never good at being sad.
719
00:32:03,881 --> 00:32:07,700
Partly because my mom straight
up told me not to be.
720
00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:11,221
But this is sad, man.
721
00:32:12,460 --> 00:32:14,139
You got a John Locke quote
722
00:32:14,140 --> 00:32:17,509
or piece of Kantian wisdom
you can throw at me?
723
00:32:17,510 --> 00:32:21,609
Those guys were more focused
on rules and regulations.
724
00:32:21,610 --> 00:32:24,299
For spiritual stuff,
725
00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:26,849
you gotta turn to the East.
726
00:32:26,850 --> 00:32:29,156
I'll take anything you got. Hit me.
727
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,859
Picture a wave
728
00:32:34,860 --> 00:32:37,999
in the ocean.
729
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,399
You can see it, measure it, its height,
730
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:44,499
the way the sunlight refracts
when it passes through,
731
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:46,739
and it's there,
732
00:32:46,740 --> 00:32:48,160
and you can see it, you know what it is.
733
00:32:48,170 --> 00:32:50,669
It's a wave.
734
00:32:50,670 --> 00:32:53,909
And then it crashes on the shore,
735
00:32:53,910 --> 00:32:57,279
and it's gone.
736
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:01,688
But the water is still there.
737
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,819
The wave was just a...
738
00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:09,659
a different way for the water to be
739
00:33:09,660 --> 00:33:12,115
for a little while.
740
00:33:14,020 --> 00:33:17,869
That's one conception of
death for a Buddhist.
741
00:33:17,870 --> 00:33:22,543
The wave returns to the ocean,
742
00:33:23,820 --> 00:33:27,839
where it came from,
743
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,809
and where it's supposed to be.
744
00:33:31,810 --> 00:33:33,320
Not bad, Buddhists.
745
00:33:33,330 --> 00:33:35,472
Not bad.
746
00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,649
None of this is bad.
747
00:33:47,780 --> 00:33:49,829
I need you to do me one last favor.
748
00:33:49,830 --> 00:33:51,319
Mm-hmm?
749
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,299
Say good-bye to me now,
750
00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:57,994
and leave before I wake up.
751
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,169
You can sit on that bench
as long as you'd like,
752
00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,279
and whenever you're ready,
753
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,999
you just walk through.
754
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,480
I'm ready.
755
00:35:14,980 --> 00:35:16,560
Oh, dip! You're back.
756
00:35:17,550 --> 00:35:19,319
- Jason?
- Yeah!
757
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:20,859
What... but how...
758
00:35:20,860 --> 00:35:21,949
why...
759
00:35:21,950 --> 00:35:24,330
Funny story.
760
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:25,829
Remember how I made you something,
761
00:35:25,830 --> 00:35:28,501
and I thought I lost it because
it wasn't in my pocket?
762
00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:30,711
- Uh-huh?
- Turns out it was in my other pocket!
763
00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:32,819
By the time I found it, you were gone.
764
00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:34,369
I was just gonna leave it for you,
765
00:35:34,370 --> 00:35:35,839
but I was worried it would get eaten
766
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:37,510
by that magic squirrel.
767
00:35:37,511 --> 00:35:40,262
So, I decided to wait
for you to come back.
768
00:35:40,263 --> 00:35:42,319
Every so often, a different Janet came,
769
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,101
but I knew it wasn't you.
770
00:35:45,102 --> 00:35:48,062
Jason, it's been, like,
a thousand Bearimies.
771
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:50,690
I know, but I wanted to see you again.
772
00:35:50,691 --> 00:35:53,026
It was actually pretty easy to wait.
773
00:35:53,027 --> 00:35:55,299
I sort of just sat quietly
774
00:35:55,300 --> 00:35:58,906
and let my mind drift away.
775
00:35:58,907 --> 00:36:00,399
Thought about you,
776
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,035
and the infinity of the universe.
777
00:36:03,036 --> 00:36:04,870
Kind of like a monk.
778
00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:06,372
What do you mean?
779
00:36:13,964 --> 00:36:16,215
Looks good, not-a-girl.
780
00:36:20,804 --> 00:36:23,306
Chidi, wait up!
781
00:36:26,940 --> 00:36:28,339
_
782
00:36:28,340 --> 00:36:29,340
Hey-oh!
783
00:36:29,341 --> 00:36:32,480
Time to go nuts, 'cause
I brought donuts...
784
00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:33,983
Huh, no one's here.
785
00:36:33,984 --> 00:36:35,819
Shoot. That was gonna be a big laugh.
786
00:36:35,820 --> 00:36:38,654
Hey, sweetie. Did you
not get the message?
787
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:40,689
No. Why, was the meeting cancelled?
788
00:36:40,690 --> 00:36:42,919
Uh, yeah. Forever.
789
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:44,360
We dissolved the council.
790
00:36:44,369 --> 00:36:45,953
- What?
- We don't need it anymore.
791
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:47,994
Your system's working perfectly.
792
00:36:47,995 --> 00:36:50,419
Millions of humans passing
their tests, you know.
793
00:36:50,420 --> 00:36:52,069
Oh, Vicky's really killing
it on the training,
794
00:36:52,070 --> 00:36:53,461
so it's all good.
795
00:36:53,462 --> 00:36:55,639
Well... All right, well... hang on, now.
796
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,979
Look, how are we even sure
that this is the right system?
797
00:36:58,980 --> 00:37:01,177
I mean, honestly,
I think Shawn was right.
798
00:37:01,178 --> 00:37:03,513
This whole thing sucks and
we should start from scratch.
799
00:37:03,514 --> 00:37:06,439
Relax, worrywart. Take a load off.
800
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,359
Huh? Enjoy yourself.
801
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,729
You know what I just
discovered recently?
802
00:37:10,730 --> 00:37:12,146
Podcasts.
803
00:37:12,147 --> 00:37:13,981
There's, like, a billion of them
804
00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:15,900
and they just keep coming.
805
00:37:15,901 --> 00:37:17,067
- Hmm.
- Now scoot.
806
00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:18,699
I got a new Radiolab to listen to
807
00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:20,529
about how clams learn.
808
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:23,199
Pretty excited.
809
00:37:35,650 --> 00:37:37,649
I love you.
810
00:37:37,650 --> 00:37:39,019
And you don't need to respond,
811
00:37:39,020 --> 00:37:41,899
'cause I know you have
trouble saying how you feel.
812
00:37:41,900 --> 00:37:44,470
I love you too.
813
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:48,050
Knock, knock, knock.
814
00:37:48,058 --> 00:37:50,309
Oh. Hey, what's up?
815
00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:52,199
Can I talk to you for a sec?
816
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,139
Yeah, sure, why not?
817
00:37:54,140 --> 00:37:56,139
- Hey, Derek?
- Yes, Mindy?
818
00:37:56,140 --> 00:37:57,983
What can Derek do for you?
819
00:37:57,984 --> 00:37:59,809
Eleanor and I are gonna talk for a bit,
820
00:37:59,810 --> 00:38:01,821
so go into your nether sphere.
821
00:38:01,822 --> 00:38:02,879
That's Derek?
822
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:07,493
Mindy has rebooted Derek
more than 151 million times.
823
00:38:07,494 --> 00:38:10,079
Derek is now both a
singular point in space,
824
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,833
and yet, Derek also
contains space itself.
825
00:38:12,834 --> 00:38:15,579
The nexus of Derek is without dimension.
826
00:38:15,580 --> 00:38:17,359
The moment of Derek's creation
827
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,859
and the eventual heat
death of the universe
828
00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:22,629
are now inexorably the same.
829
00:38:22,630 --> 00:38:25,460
Ugh, you are so annoying!
830
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,181
Want a beer?
831
00:38:29,182 --> 00:38:31,279
So that's how you spend your days?
832
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:32,459
Wandering around,
833
00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:35,059
searching for the thing
that makes you complete?
834
00:38:35,060 --> 00:38:36,309
Pretty much.
835
00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:39,059
I thought it was connected
to my parents or my friends,
836
00:38:39,060 --> 00:38:41,719
but now I think it might
be something else.
837
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:43,529
I think it might be you.
838
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:47,219
I think my final mission
might be to convince you
839
00:38:47,220 --> 00:38:49,452
to go through the system. Take the test.
840
00:38:50,460 --> 00:38:52,079
You know, when I first met you,
841
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,259
I thought, "Oof,
842
00:38:54,260 --> 00:38:56,419
"well, there's a chick I understand.
843
00:38:56,420 --> 00:39:00,084
Lone wolf, totally independent,
knows what she wants."
844
00:39:00,085 --> 00:39:01,719
Cocaine and self-pleasure.
845
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:05,739
Right. But I actually think
you're a version of me
846
00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:07,845
if I'd never met my friends.
847
00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:09,972
You're like the worst-case scenario
848
00:39:09,973 --> 00:39:11,659
of what I could have become.
849
00:39:11,660 --> 00:39:13,259
- No offense.
- None taken.
850
00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:16,560
Look, the thing is, Eleanor,
I am fine with where I am.
851
00:39:16,570 --> 00:39:19,089
See, I don't think you are.
852
00:39:19,090 --> 00:39:21,389
Or at least, you could be better.
853
00:39:21,390 --> 00:39:23,579
If we're cut from the same cloth,
854
00:39:23,580 --> 00:39:24,940
then trust me.
855
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:27,299
There is greater happiness
waiting for you
856
00:39:27,300 --> 00:39:29,490
if you form bonds with other people,
857
00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:31,577
and I think you know that.
858
00:39:31,578 --> 00:39:33,459
You told me about me
and Chidi that time.
859
00:39:33,460 --> 00:39:34,839
You showed me the tape.
860
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,219
You said you were rooting for us.
861
00:39:36,220 --> 00:39:38,410
I think you have the ability to care.
862
00:39:40,270 --> 00:39:41,409
I don't know.
863
00:39:41,410 --> 00:39:43,079
Caring just seems like
864
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:44,089
- a lot of work.
- Mm.
865
00:39:44,090 --> 00:39:46,949
And I have been on my own for so long.
866
00:39:46,950 --> 00:39:50,679
I can't imagine putting my fate
in the hands of some stranger.
867
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,766
I thought you might say that.
868
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:56,019
Hello, gorgeous.
869
00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:57,062
Eleanor.
870
00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:02,679
And Mindy St. Claire, as
I neither live nor breathe!
871
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:04,429
What brings you ladies here?
872
00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:06,719
Trying to convince Mindy
to enter the system
873
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:07,999
after all this time.
874
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,299
She's a little worried
875
00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:11,899
about who might end up
designing her test...
876
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:13,494
Say no more. I'm on the case.
877
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:16,288
Really? Are you, like,
certified or whatever?
878
00:40:16,289 --> 00:40:19,119
Well, not yet, but it won't
be long, right, Shawn?
879
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,219
Oh, I think you'll find
880
00:40:20,220 --> 00:40:23,999
that Tahani will be certified very soon.
881
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,779
Did that sound evil?
882
00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:28,093
I didn't mean it to. I was sincere.
883
00:40:28,094 --> 00:40:30,049
Force of habit. I do think
884
00:40:30,050 --> 00:40:31,879
you'll find that Tahani
will be certified
885
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:33,189
ve... hmm.
886
00:40:33,190 --> 00:40:34,219
Shut up, Glenn.
887
00:40:34,220 --> 00:40:36,559
Great. So, you go back to your old life,
888
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,269
chill with your floating Derek head,
889
00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:40,519
when Tahani gets certified,
you enter the system,
890
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,440
Tahani designs your test. Deal?
891
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,734
Why not? Something new.
892
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:50,019
Thanks for giving a crap about me.
893
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:52,449
I don't really give a crap about myself,
894
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:55,160
so it's nice that someone does.
895
00:40:56,329 --> 00:40:58,872
I'm really glad I filmed you having sex.
896
00:40:58,873 --> 00:41:01,789
Me too.
897
00:41:05,590 --> 00:41:08,299
You can sit on that bench
as long as you want.
898
00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:11,469
Whenever you're ready,
you just walk through.
899
00:41:11,470 --> 00:41:15,499
Well, good, 'cause I'm definitely ready.
900
00:41:15,500 --> 00:41:16,960
I'm ready.
901
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:20,179
I'm not ready.
902
00:41:20,180 --> 00:41:22,479
Damn it, Janet. What the fork?
903
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,109
I should be ready and I'm not.
904
00:41:25,110 --> 00:41:27,443
But I am.
905
00:41:27,444 --> 00:41:29,279
Michael, what are you doing?
906
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:30,759
I'm going through the door.
907
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,219
There's nothing left for me to do.
908
00:41:33,220 --> 00:41:36,289
I feel sated and complete.
909
00:41:36,290 --> 00:41:38,429
I'm not sure you're thinking
this through, dude.
910
00:41:38,430 --> 00:41:41,559
Yes, I am. A calm has washed over me.
911
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,833
Blah, blah, blah.
912
00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:44,543
Good-bye.
913
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,801
Did I go through the wrong way?
914
00:41:52,802 --> 00:41:54,019
Wait, wait, just one minute.
915
00:41:54,020 --> 00:41:56,301
I know this is gonna look silly
but it probably will work.
916
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,058
Michael, what are you doing?
917
00:41:59,059 --> 00:42:00,449
I am returning my damn essence
918
00:42:00,450 --> 00:42:03,645
to the damn fabric of the damn universe.
919
00:42:03,646 --> 00:42:05,689
Oh, yeah. Okay.
920
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:07,219
Oh, there we go.
921
00:42:07,220 --> 00:42:09,040
It's working now.
922
00:42:09,050 --> 00:42:10,359
It's working.
923
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:11,999
I'm leaving.
924
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,390
Bye.
925
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,599
It's not working because you're looking.
926
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,746
- Stop looking.
- Michael, that door is not for you.
927
00:42:19,747 --> 00:42:22,789
Why not? I invented the damn thing!
928
00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:24,123
You know, this stinks.
929
00:42:24,124 --> 00:42:27,340
You guys get to move on,
but I am trapped here forever?
930
00:42:27,350 --> 00:42:29,669
How's that fair? Oh, I got it.
931
00:42:29,670 --> 00:42:31,999
Eleanor, come here.
932
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,426
You go through and give me a piggyback.
933
00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:35,879
- We can trick it.
- Ooh, no. Ow!
934
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,847
- Ow! Ow! Michael, no!
- Hold still... well, hold...
935
00:42:37,848 --> 00:42:39,859
Michael! All right.
936
00:42:39,860 --> 00:42:42,139
Come with me.
937
00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:43,579
Fire squids are heavy.
938
00:42:43,580 --> 00:42:44,937
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
939
00:42:44,938 --> 00:42:48,059
New people are getting in all the time.
940
00:42:48,060 --> 00:42:49,359
Tahani's still around.
941
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:50,579
Maybe you team up with her,
942
00:42:50,580 --> 00:42:52,359
design some afterlife neighborhoods?
943
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,110
I did that already, remember?
944
00:42:54,114 --> 00:42:55,699
Spent 50 Bearimies
945
00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:58,359
making new neighborhoods
for new residents.
946
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,159
When you've already
designed the ultimate one,
947
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:01,780
it's kind of a letdown.
948
00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:05,199
I've loved being here, but Jason's gone.
949
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,369
Chidi's gone.
950
00:43:06,370 --> 00:43:09,099
You know, even Doug Forcett
went through the door.
951
00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:10,379
That was probably for the best.
952
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:13,132
That guy partied so
hard when he was here.
953
00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:15,399
I guess I'll just stay
here forever, you know?
954
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,039
Putter around doing mundane things
955
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:19,470
like some sad old retiree.
956
00:43:19,472 --> 00:43:22,259
Maybe I'll have Janet
make me a hardware store
957
00:43:22,260 --> 00:43:25,720
so I can buy a hex wrench
that I don't really need.
958
00:43:26,590 --> 00:43:28,147
Cockamamie!
959
00:43:28,148 --> 00:43:29,813
That's what I think of your plan.
960
00:43:29,814 --> 00:43:31,199
I think it's cockamamie.
961
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,659
I think it's a great plan,
962
00:43:32,660 --> 00:43:35,149
and I bet deep down, you do too.
963
00:43:35,150 --> 00:43:36,599
It sets a bad precedent.
964
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:40,075
Babe, no one else is ever
gonna want to do this.
965
00:43:40,076 --> 00:43:42,339
Plus, if they ask,
you just say, "Sure, pal,
966
00:43:42,340 --> 00:43:44,239
"go save every soul in the universe,
967
00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:45,289
and then we got a deal."
968
00:43:45,290 --> 00:43:46,832
And think about it this way:
969
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,189
If you do this,
970
00:43:48,190 --> 00:43:51,759
you'll never have to hear from any of us
971
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,080
ever again.
972
00:43:53,089 --> 00:43:55,048
Ooh.
973
00:43:55,049 --> 00:43:56,300
Now that sounds tempting.
974
00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:57,593
'Cause y'all are annoying.
975
00:43:57,594 --> 00:43:59,519
I mean, you did save
the universe and all,
976
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,180
but your tone.
977
00:44:01,181 --> 00:44:03,390
- It's your tone.
- I know.
978
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,350
Michael?
979
00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:08,563
Come on in.
980
00:44:15,850 --> 00:44:17,822
All my Earth stuff.
981
00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:22,201
Oh, my old bowling ball.
982
00:44:22,202 --> 00:44:25,529
Oh, hi, paper clips.
983
00:44:25,530 --> 00:44:27,079
What prompted all this?
984
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,209
You know, it took me a
while to figure it out,
985
00:44:29,210 --> 00:44:30,210
but earlier,
986
00:44:30,220 --> 00:44:32,139
when you were walking back
and forth through the door,
987
00:44:32,140 --> 00:44:33,379
it hit me.
988
00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:35,259
You will never be at peace
989
00:44:35,260 --> 00:44:38,210
until you get the one
thing you truly want.
990
00:44:41,221 --> 00:44:43,039
I'm...
991
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,556
I'm gonna be...
992
00:44:44,557 --> 00:44:46,225
A real boy, Pinocchio.
993
00:44:46,226 --> 00:44:49,061
The Judge gave me the power
to make you an actual human.
994
00:44:49,062 --> 00:44:51,313
Good-bye, fire squid.
995
00:44:51,314 --> 00:44:53,273
Hello, silver fox.
996
00:44:53,274 --> 00:44:55,379
Oh, Eleanor!
997
00:44:55,380 --> 00:44:56,879
Oh, my goodness!
998
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:58,904
Now, you need to be sure about this.
999
00:44:58,905 --> 00:45:01,599
You're gonna live down
there for, like...
1000
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,109
some amount of time,
you'll die, really die,
1001
00:45:04,110 --> 00:45:05,659
then you'll enter an afterlife test,
1002
00:45:05,660 --> 00:45:07,621
be judged on what you
did, the whole deal.
1003
00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:10,082
At least so we think.
1004
00:45:10,083 --> 00:45:11,139
While you're down there,
1005
00:45:11,140 --> 00:45:13,159
this entire system could be changed.
1006
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,279
Shawn might launch a coup.
1007
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:15,799
Someone could design a whole new system.
1008
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:17,859
You won't really know
1009
00:45:17,860 --> 00:45:19,675
what's going to happen to you.
1010
00:45:19,676 --> 00:45:22,427
That's what makes it special.
1011
00:45:22,428 --> 00:45:25,499
I won't exactly know
what's going to happen
1012
00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:27,099
after I die.
1013
00:45:27,100 --> 00:45:30,749
Nothing more human than that.
1014
00:45:30,750 --> 00:45:33,899
Besides texting people that
you're five minutes away
1015
00:45:33,900 --> 00:45:35,730
when you haven't even left the house.
1016
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:42,155
Thank you, Eleanor. Thank you.
1017
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,453
You're very welcome.
1018
00:45:49,740 --> 00:45:51,739
Hey, Mike. Where you headed today?
1019
00:45:51,740 --> 00:45:54,460
- Earth, actually.
- Oh.
1020
00:45:54,470 --> 00:45:55,879
Been a while.
1021
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:57,379
Here's the return clicker.
1022
00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,798
No need. One-way trip.
1023
00:45:59,799 --> 00:46:01,843
Wow.
1024
00:46:02,690 --> 00:46:04,178
Okay.
1025
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:06,305
Good luck.
1026
00:46:06,306 --> 00:46:07,759
Thank you.
1027
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:08,959
I have something for you.
1028
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,810
Yeah?
1029
00:46:15,170 --> 00:46:17,524
He's real!
1030
00:46:17,525 --> 00:46:19,318
It's real! He's a real frog!
1031
00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:22,195
Yes, it sure is.
1032
00:46:22,196 --> 00:46:25,073
Thank you. And you know what?
1033
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,327
I got the perfect name for him.
1034
00:46:28,580 --> 00:46:30,660
Mr. Jumpy Legs.
1035
00:46:30,663 --> 00:46:32,679
Oh.
1036
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,829
I thought you were gonna...
1037
00:46:34,830 --> 00:46:36,002
Never mind.
1038
00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:39,338
Hello, Mr. Jumpy Legs!
1039
00:46:39,339 --> 00:46:41,019
Okay.
1040
00:46:41,020 --> 00:46:43,029
So, here's your driver's license
1041
00:46:43,030 --> 00:46:44,959
and your Social Security card.
1042
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:46,379
I set up a bank account for you.
1043
00:46:46,380 --> 00:46:48,399
There's enough money in there
so that you don't starve,
1044
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,975
but not so much that you
become an entitled jerk.
1045
00:46:51,700 --> 00:46:52,879
Thank you, Janet.
1046
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,990
Make a doctor's appointment as
soon as you get down there.
1047
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,350
And no salty food.
1048
00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:58,190
You have to keep your
blood pressure down.
1049
00:46:58,191 --> 00:46:59,900
You have blood now.
1050
00:46:59,901 --> 00:47:02,527
I'll be fine. I'll be okay.
1051
00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:05,155
I know. I just worry.
1052
00:47:09,020 --> 00:47:10,787
I'll see you again, you know.
1053
00:47:11,720 --> 00:47:13,539
I'll see you when I get back.
1054
00:47:15,860 --> 00:47:18,668
Okay.
1055
00:47:22,730 --> 00:47:24,639
If you rent a car, don't
pay for the insurance.
1056
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,219
It's a scam. Okay.
1057
00:47:37,750 --> 00:47:39,300
Man, it's hot.
1058
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,510
But it's a... it's a dry heat.
1059
00:47:46,220 --> 00:47:48,199
So, as I mentioned before,
1060
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,359
you can sit on this bench
as long as you want,
1061
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:55,259
and whenever you're ready,
you just walk through.
1062
00:47:55,260 --> 00:47:57,730
Care to join me for a bit?
1063
00:48:01,770 --> 00:48:03,296
Margarita?
1064
00:48:03,297 --> 00:48:04,882
Always.
1065
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,803
Mmm.
1066
00:48:10,140 --> 00:48:13,319
Okay, top three moments
1067
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,140
of your not-life with us. Go.
1068
00:48:16,144 --> 00:48:18,519
You telling us that we should
1069
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:20,579
try to help other people on Earth,
1070
00:48:20,580 --> 00:48:23,599
the moment that we all got
into the Good Place for real,
1071
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,279
and then it's an 8-million-way tie
1072
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,569
of every time Jason and I kissed.
1073
00:48:28,570 --> 00:48:31,701
- He was a really good kisser.
- I bet he was.
1074
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:34,990
I wonder how Michael's doing.
1075
00:48:34,996 --> 00:48:38,915
I assume he's doing the
same as every human.
1076
00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:41,739
- Three, two, one...
- Some good days.
1077
00:48:41,740 --> 00:48:44,254
Happy New Year!
1078
00:48:44,255 --> 00:48:45,979
Some bad days.
1079
00:48:45,980 --> 00:48:48,049
She's gonna be okay.
1080
00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:52,053
This city has really good hospitals.
1081
00:48:52,054 --> 00:48:53,619
He's got a few friends.
1082
00:48:53,620 --> 00:48:55,719
Such a good boy, Jason.
1083
00:48:55,720 --> 00:48:57,601
Such a good boy.
1084
00:48:58,790 --> 00:49:00,659
A few people he can't stand.
1085
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,230
_
1086
00:49:05,234 --> 00:49:06,415
He's learning some things
1087
00:49:06,416 --> 00:49:08,460
- all by himself.
- Oh, geez, ow!
1088
00:49:11,740 --> 00:49:15,039
And hopefully learning to ask
for help when he needs it.
1089
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:16,369
_
1090
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:18,839
Guitar like this. Fingers this way.
1091
00:49:22,980 --> 00:49:25,179
You have no idea how long
1092
00:49:25,180 --> 00:49:27,179
I've been trying to figure that out.
1093
00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:29,789
Well, everybody needs a teacher.
1094
00:49:29,790 --> 00:49:31,384
So do it again.
1095
00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:32,589
He's messing up,
1096
00:49:32,590 --> 00:49:34,659
and trying again, and messing up again,
1097
00:49:34,660 --> 00:49:36,299
and then getting things wrong,
1098
00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:38,725
and then trying to make them right.
1099
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:41,228
That's what everyone does.
1100
00:49:41,229 --> 00:49:43,606
- To Michael.
- To Michael.
1101
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,619
What do you think happens
1102
00:49:47,620 --> 00:49:48,980
when people walk through the door?
1103
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:52,572
It's the only thing in the
universe I don't know.
1104
00:49:52,573 --> 00:49:55,049
I don't know either.
1105
00:49:55,050 --> 00:49:57,319
The wave returns to the ocean.
1106
00:49:57,320 --> 00:50:00,799
What the ocean does with
the water after that
1107
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,040
is anyone's guess.
1108
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:06,179
But as a very wise
1109
00:50:06,180 --> 00:50:08,420
not-robot once told me,
1110
00:50:08,422 --> 00:50:11,839
true joy is in the mystery.
1111
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:14,802
Do you mind if I stay
here until you're gone?
1112
00:50:14,803 --> 00:50:17,265
Only if you say that thing I taught you.
1113
00:50:18,740 --> 00:50:21,179
I hate to see you walk
through the final door
1114
00:50:21,180 --> 00:50:23,169
at the edge of existence,
1115
00:50:23,170 --> 00:50:26,440
- but I love to watch you leave.
- There we go.
1116
00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:36,879
Hey, this was delivered to
my building by mistake.
1117
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:38,849
- I think it's yours.
- Oh, hey.
1118
00:51:38,850 --> 00:51:40,599
- Thanks so much.
- Mm-hmm.
1119
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,299
Oh, wow.
1120
00:51:42,300 --> 00:51:44,969
I think I know what this is.
1121
00:51:44,970 --> 00:51:46,579
Oh.
1122
00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:47,920
Oh, my.
1123
00:51:47,938 --> 00:51:51,232
- _
- Oh, my. Look at that.
1124
00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:53,059
Oh, thank you.
1125
00:51:53,060 --> 00:51:55,679
Thank you so very, very much.
1126
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:58,531
Yeah, no problem. Take it easy.
1127
00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,825
I'll do you one better.
1128
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,179
I'll say this to you, my friend,
1129
00:52:03,180 --> 00:52:06,449
with all the love in my heart
1130
00:52:06,450 --> 00:52:09,835
and all the wisdom of the universe.
1131
00:52:10,910 --> 00:52:12,671
Take it sleazy.
1132
00:52:16,100 --> 00:52:17,509
All right.
1133
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:28,390
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
79122
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