All language subtitles for The Conners s02e11_English

♪♪

Hello?

Jackie?
Yeah?

Dawn from Cook County
Meat and Fish.

Hi.
Oh, thank you for coming.

You look exactly
like I pictured you

from all of
our phone calls.

You are, too. But weirdly,
you sound different.

Oh, I love this space!

[ Chuckles ]

You know, a lot of new
restaurants try too hard.

Yeah, not us.

We know what it takes
to get the job done,

and we do
just a little bit less.

[ Both laugh ]

You're hilarious,
you know that?

No, I'm not. Am I?

Yeah, heck yeah.

Okay,
so, I got your menu.

I will put together
a preliminary order.

That way,
you can price me

against other suppliers
you're considering.

I mean, thieves.

[ Laughing ]
No, I'm kidding.

I mean suppliers.

Who steal.

[ Both laugh ]

Sorry I'm late.

D.J. came over
to watch the baby,

and she hit him in the eye
with a rattle.

He cried, she cried,
and then I cried

'cause I don't have
better child care.

Becky, this is Dawn
from Cook County Meat and Fish.

She thinks I'm hilarious.

Such a pleasure,
Becky.

I have to tell you,
I think comfort food

in this location
is gonna be a big winner.

The only thing you're missing is
a signature, big-ticket item.

Steak.

You need to offer
a good steak.

We can't afford
a good steak.

And I'm not just talking
about the customers.

I'm talking about the people
that own the restaurant.

Becky, Dawn has
a fantastic background.

She was a buyer
for a big restaurant chain.

I started this company
after the managing partner

at the old place
groped me in the stock room.

Can you believe that?

Same thing.
The stock room.
Happened to me.
In the stock room.

Yep,
and look at us now.

Well, I'm looking at you
in those boots,

and I got to tell you,
I love those.

Oh, well, they'd look good
on your cute, little figure.

Oh, no, I could never
pull off boots like that.

Oh,
you wouldn't have to.

Your boyfriend
would be pulling them off.

And he wouldn't stop there!
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, yeah, you better
quit it right now!

I mean, I --

I don't even have
a boyfriend.

Oh. Neither do I.

But so what?

Here's to being
our own soul mates.

Amen!
Amen.

Yes, we love ourselves,
and men don't want us.

Can we get back
to the food?

Let's talk prices.

Okay.

Well, this has been fun.

I will make a list
of what I think you need,

and I will send you
an itemized estimate.

Au revoir.

That's French
for "goodbye."

I know.

Everybody knows.

And before you fall in love
with her,

we should discuss
whether we can afford her.

I love her.
I'm not in love with her.

[ Grunting ]

Oh, my God!
What happened?

He tweaked his back
nailing the floorboard.

I'm fine. I just got to soak it
and then lay down.

No, you need
to see a doctor.

I'm gonna take you
to urgent care.

It's just a twinge.
I'm fine.

Ow!

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would ♪

Whoa!

♪ I feel nice ♪

♪ Like sugar and spice ♪

Jackie: Ohh, Dan.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"The Conners" is
recorded in front of
a live studio audience.

[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning continues ]

Can I help you
with something?

If I need help,
I'll ask for it.

See?

Easy peasy.

Huh.

Harris got a letter
from Central Illinois State.

The college
or the penitentiary?

"Congratulations.
You're a Mud Turtle."

Oh, my God, she got in!

That's great!

Finally, someone from
this family made it to college.

Hey, I went to college.

You went to art school.

That's basically Color Me Mine
with a library.

How much is this college
gonna cost you?

I don't know,

but now that I'm a divorced,
unemployed single mom,

we might actually have a shot
at some financial aid.

My plan to destroy my life
is working.

I told you
to stick with it.

You know what --
Harris asked me

to bring some clothes
over to Odessa's.

I'm gonna take them over there
right now and show this to her.

Ah, she's finally gonna let you
into the dope den.

Ah, at least now I got a shot
at getting her out of there

and into a dorm room!

No drugs there.

Hello, Odessa.

Harris is expecting me.

[ British accent ]
Before the other side you see,

answer me
these questions three.

Uh, somebody
just smoked a bowl

watching
"Monty Python's Holy Grail."

Correct.
You may pass.

[ Vacuum cleaner whirring ]

[ Normal voice ]
Not what you expected, huh?

We do the human sacrifices
in my bedroom.

Hey, Mom.

Guess what.

You are a Mud Turtle.

[ Whirring stops ]
I haven't put on makeup yet.
Give me a break.

No.
You got into college.

Central Illinois State.

We've got a tour
on Friday.

Yeah,
I'm not going to that.

What? Why not?

I start working at
Price Warehouse next Monday.

They've got a program
for employees

to get a business degree
online.

Well, I-I don't want you
to go to school online.

It's a great deal, Mom.
It's only 350 bucks a year.

Yeah, but I want you
to live in a dorm

and gain 15 pounds
and get mono.

That's for rich kids.

We don't have the money
for college.

Yeah, no, we already
have an appointment

with the financial aid
office.

They want to help us.

A-And see? They look forward
to meeting you.

Nobody ever looks forward
to meeting you.

[ Scoffs ]
They write that to everyone.

No, they don't. This is
written directly to you,
"Mr. Harris Coner."

[ Scoffs ]

And why do you want
a business degree, anyway?

You should study writing.

You remember
when the Sun-Times printed

your "I Hate Lanford" article
and everybody was so angry?

That's the happiest
I've ever seen you.

Yeah.

The Mayor called me an
embarrassment to the community.

Of course
that made me feel good.

Okay.

I'll go on the tour.
For you.

Mud Turtles!

A mud turtle
is the worst mascot ever.

What's the cheer?

"Go, fight.
Do something."

Mud Turtles! Whoo!

Whew!

Instead of an estimate, we got
a bill from your gal pal, Dawn,

which is weird, because
I don't remember hiring her.

She made a good case
for her company at lunch,

so I went for it.

So now decisions are being made
without me over lunch?

Well, we were hungry after
our Pinot and Painting class.

I'm learning so much
about myself.

I always knew I could drink,
but I didn't know I could paint.

This is twice
what we agreed we could afford.

Look at what she's charging us
for vegetables.

They're all
locally sourced.

I don't care
if they're locally sourced.

I care
if they're locally eaten.

And she went ahead
and put the steak on here.

Dawn showed me
that with an upgraded menu,

we can pull people
as far away as Chicago.

You're right.

You can't get a good steak
in Chicago!

You got to drive an hour to
a roadside diner in a dying town

that bought their steak
from Chicago.

I'm sorry that you don't
trust Dawn, but I do.

Jackie, okay, um...

I might be wrong,
but Dawn is a saleswoman.

Isn't it possible that she's
pretending to be your friend

to ratchet up the bill?

I'm afraid she might be
taking advantage of you.

Au contraire.

I'm taking advantage of her

by being her friend
and picking her brain.

"Au contraire"?

Now you're talking
like her.

You've never said "au contraire"
in your life!

Au contraire!
I said it just a second ago!

Dawn likes me.

She invited me
to the Rockford Wine Festival.

Well, okay.

If she's really
your friend,

maybe you should
cut the order in half

and see if she still wants to go
to the wine festival with you.

Oh, she'll still want me to go.
It's a fait accompli.

♪♪

Okay. Your counselor
will be right in.

See you around campus,
Harris.

[ Chuckles ]

Hm? He's cute.

Why would I date him
when there's professors here?

Hi. I'm Helen.

I'm here to help
with your financial aid.

Hi.

So, Harris, what did you think
of the campus?

It was cool.

I like that the student paper
investigates real stuff.

And it's far away enough
from my house

that my mom can't visit
on a whim.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, Harris, we thought
your admissions packet

was really special.

Your "I Hate Lanford" essay
was spot-on.

My ex is from there.

Thanks.
I'm glad you liked it.

Uh, along with showing you
that Harris is special,

our application should've also
shown you that we're super poor.

Like Dust Bowl poor.

That's why we put together
a comprehensive aid package

to make this happen.

Sweet.

Okay.

Loan...

loan...

loan.

Um...
[ Chuckles ]

Where are all the grants
and scholarships --

you know,
the free money?

Well, I'm sure
you folks expected

that you'd be
contributing something.

Uh, yeah, something,

but you have us paying
everything, and with interest.

I mean,
we can't afford this.

According to this chart,

it'll take me 20 years
to pay back these loans.

20 years goes by
faster than you think.

You can waste that on a man
everybody said was wrong for you

but you knew better.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm confused.

I mean, the letter you sent us
promised to help us.

I want to.

Um, does Harris have
a unique skill

that might qualify her
for a scholarship?

A female tuba player is
a college admissions home run.

Do you play the tuba?

Yes.
No.

This is a waste of time.
I shouldn't have come here.

No, Harris, wait.
We're still talking.

I'm done.

I felt good about my plan,
and then I let you drag me here

and show me everything
that I can't have.

Thanks a lot.

You know what?
This whole thing is a scam.

You just bring people down here,
get their hopes up,

and then try to trick them
into crippling loans

they'll be paying back
for the rest of their lives.

You should be ashamed
of yourself.

You know, I want
my $100 application fee back.

I'm sorry.
We -- We can't do that.

Well, that check was
never gonna clear anyway.

Good day.

♪♪

Dan?

Yeah?

Uh, I heard
you hurt your back,

so I came by
to check on you.

Mark said you've been in there
for a couple hours.

You okay?

I can't pull myself
out of the tub.

[ Sighs ]

You're gonna get sick
if you stay in there too long.

I'm coming in.

Aw, geez!

Uh...okay, give me a second
to cover up, would ya?

Alright.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, rainbow bubbles?
[ Chuckles ]

I didn't picture you
as a bath bomb kind of guy.

I'm a very complex man.

I have a gay grandson
who gave me this for Christmas.

I thought
the Epsom salts would help.

I didn't know
the glitter and the color

would turn me
into a merman.

Uh, your -- your hair
has shampoo in it.

Yeah, I-I was gonna rinse it off
with the hose attachment.

It fell in the tub.

Well, I could...
reach in there and root around.

Might change our relationship.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, it's -- it's just
a little shampoo.

I'll get it.

Um, here.

[ Grunts ]

Okay.

Okay.

There.

See?
That's not so bad, is it?

It's kind of nice.

Oh, soap in my eye.
Soap in my eye!

Oh. Here, I got it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Um...

Alright.

Let's get you
out of that tub.

Now, do you want to, uh,
have some more towels,

or should I
just close my eyes?

More towels. You're gonna peek.
You can't help yourself.

[ Both laughing ]

Well,
it looks like you two

had a good time
at the wine festival.

I only had one glass.

I don't know why I threw up
in the Uber, but...

[ Laughs ]

Dawn bought me this.

Ohh.
I'll be right back.

Well,
guess I was wrong.

She really is
your friend.

She still took you
to the festival

even though
you cut the order.

Well...

You did cut the order?

Eh...not exactly.

Jackie!

Oh, I don't want to know,
Becky.

Dawn's the only friend
I've got.

That's not true.

Women don't like me,
Becky!

I'm a woman,
and I used to like you.

I'm 64, and I'm tired
of being lonely.

She's the first friend
I've had in years,

and I don't want
to lose her.

But isn't it better to find out
now if she's playing you,

before you get
any more attached to her?

Or I never find out

and I live
in a happy fantasy world

where I go from wine festival
to wine festival.

Look, I just don't want
to see you get lied to

in another relationship.

You deserve a real friend.

I know I do.

How about a glass of wine
for courage?

But just one.
I don't want to get sloppy.

♪♪

What are you doing
out here?

Trying to freeze myself
to death

so Harris can get
some hardship money for college.

You might want
to take your shoes off.

It'll go faster.

The school wouldn't
give us any money.

If I'd saved anything,

my daughter wouldn't be
giving up her dreams at 17.

Hi. Welcome
to the Conner family.

Pbhhhht!

Dad,
you should've seen her face

when she was
walking around that campus.

I swear
she was actually smiling.

I feel like I failed her.

Don't beat yourself up.

It sounds like she's got
a few things figured out.

Hey, I'm sure
it's a great school,

but she probably doesn't want
all that debt.

And a business degree,
that's not a bad idea.

I want more for her.

I know what you want.

But it's time to get on board
to the future she's building.

And if you're not careful,
you're gonna make her feel like

she's never accomplished
anything in your eyes.

[ Chuckling ] Oh.
You mean like art school?

[ Hisses ]

[ Hisses ]

You know where I'm gonna be
Monday morning?

At Harris' first day of work,
congratulating her.

And you should be, too.

Wait.

Is that glitter
in your eyebrows?

I wish it was
just in my eyebrows.

So, Dawn, um...

I'm just gonna say this.

I have to cut
our food order.

I got
a little carried away,

and I didn't discuss it
with Becky.

Well,
that's disappointing.

I know.

And even though
it wasn't real,

I really enjoyed
being your friend.

What are you talking about?
What wasn't real?

This. Us.

I know you were
just being nice to me

so I'd buy more stuff,
and I get it.

I'm not hilarious.
I don't have a cute figure.

I'm just a woman
with a roadside restaurant.

So, you think I was just
pretending to be your friend

so I could make a few bucks
on an order?

That's ridiculous.

Look, you're cool,
you're smart,

you're just damaged enough
to be entertaining.

And you set off
all those car alarms

to shorten the line
at the wine festival.

When you want wine,
you are absolutely fearless.

Hey, they were running low
on white Zin.

Somebody needed
to take action.

I have a blast with you,

and it's hard for me
to make female friends.

I think
they're intimidated by me.

[ Sighs ] So same.

Mm.

So, we're still going
to Cheyenne Pete's?

Oh, hell yeah!

We're drunk and fun. We're not
gonna waste that at home.

No way!

I'll be right back.

I cut the order,
and she's my friend.

In your face!

That's great.
[ Chuckles ]

I'm happy for you.

We're going bull riding.

Hey, I'm off in an hour.
Can I come?

Becky, back off!

It's like you reek
of desperation.

♪♪

You know, um,
I'm not complaining,

but the smell
of those pain patches

is a little overwhelming.

Oh.

I thought the mosquito candle
would cover it up.

[ Chuckles ]
More wine?

Sure.

When I can venture
more than 10 feet

from an outlet
next week,

I'll take you
to a real restaurant.

Um, since you brought up
next week,

there's something
I want to talk to you about.

Shoot.

There's a promoter

that offered my old band
a tour of the Midwest.

That's great!

How long?

Three months,
at -- at least.

Could be six.

Wow.

You know, the road
is a blast and all,

but if you felt like
you...wanted me to stick around,

I could pass on it.

I wouldn't be comfortable

costing you
that kind of an opportunity.

I'd be okay with it.

'Cause, you know, things are
going pretty well with us.

I think they are, too.

Dan, this may be my last chance
to go on the road.

But I'll give that up.

I think you need me.

So if you want me
to stay...

tell me to stay.

Of course
I want you to stay.

Okay.

So, does that mean you're ready
for a real relationship,

with everything
that goes with it?

Got it.

I got to go.

[ Sighs ]

Take care of yourself,
Dan Conner.

That's what I do best.

♪♪

Hi.

That's my granddaughter!
That's my granddaughter!

First day! First day!

Grandpa,
what are you doing here?

Hopefully, embarrassing the hell
out of you.

And letting you know
how proud I am of you.

Thanks.

And also probably gonna
pick up some tiger balm

and a canned ham
while I'm here.

Pbhhhht!

Hey.

Am I the only one in this family
who works?

I just wanted
to say to you,

in front of these vending
machines and this rocket ride,

that I was wrong.

I think what you're doing
is great.

You found a way to go to
college. I mean, that's amazing.

Really?

I feel like
I'm...disappointing you.

Never.

I am so proud of you.

You know,
I just want you to be happy.

Well, you want to hear
something weird?

I am happy.

I'm gonna get a business degree,
and I'm gonna get rich

exploiting
people like you.

[ Chuckles ]

Well,
that would be great.

Can you do it quick enough
to send Mark to college?

[ Chuckles ] Sure.

Okay.

It's my first day.
I got to get in there.

Mm.

Do you want me
to get fired?

A little bit.

Okay,
now that I'm painting,

I finished something
that I'm really proud of,

and I think that it would
look great in here --

if you agree, partner.

Of course you can
hang your painting in here.

I call it "Dawn At Dusk."

Wow.
You're really talented.

If you put that up in here,
I quit.

Okay, I will put it up
in the storage room.

But when I finish
"Dawn At Dawn,"

it's going up in here.