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1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:06,155
The Charmichael Show is taped infront of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,162 --> 00:00:07,212
What are you talking
about, Maxine?
3
00:00:07,205 --> 00:00:08,365
Weddings are a
beautiful thing.
4
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:10,076
We get to pretend
we accomplished something,
5
00:00:10,125 --> 00:00:12,245
and all we had to do
was not break up.
6
00:00:12,293 --> 00:00:13,843
And your parents pay
for the whole thing.
7
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,340
Her parents are very
rich, by the way.
8
00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:18,592
Okay, I like
the commitment of marriage.
9
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,093
I just think
weddings are cheesy.
10
00:00:20,135 --> 00:00:21,465
What's wrong with
going down to the courthouse
11
00:00:21,511 --> 00:00:23,051
and just making
our lives easier?
12
00:00:23,138 --> 00:00:24,758
A courthouse? Do you
hear this? A courthou...
13
00:00:24,806 --> 00:00:26,426
No, of course
weddings are cheesy,
14
00:00:26,474 --> 00:00:28,484
but where else will
my Uncle Pete get a chance
15
00:00:28,518 --> 00:00:30,098
to hit on one of your nieces?
16
00:00:30,144 --> 00:00:31,774
(laughs)
17
00:00:31,813 --> 00:00:33,613
You guys are a funny couple.
18
00:00:33,648 --> 00:00:35,528
Hey, I'm gonna go
get us all another round.
19
00:00:35,608 --> 00:00:37,278
No, no, no.
I'll get this one.
20
00:00:37,318 --> 00:00:39,398
No, stop. Are you kidding?
It's your anniversary.
21
00:00:39,487 --> 00:00:40,737
I'm getting the drinks.
22
00:00:40,822 --> 00:00:43,492
(chuckles): Okay.
Thank you, Jessica!
23
00:00:43,533 --> 00:00:46,793
Maxine, that girl
wants to have sex with us.
24
00:00:46,828 --> 00:00:49,788
What? Jerrod, you're insane.
25
00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:52,831
She came over, approached us,
started a conversation,
26
00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:55,246
laughed at everything we said
for over an hour.
27
00:00:55,336 --> 00:00:56,836
She's getting us drunk.
28
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,420
Like, if I were single,
I would've already invited her
29
00:00:59,507 --> 00:01:02,297
back to my place
to watch Westworld.
30
00:01:02,343 --> 00:01:04,303
I think it's possible
for someone
31
00:01:04,345 --> 00:01:05,845
to be friendly
without wanting sex.
32
00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:07,849
No, it isn't.
That's all friendliness is.
33
00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:10,311
It's just horniness in disguise,
trust me.
34
00:01:10,351 --> 00:01:12,311
That girl wants
to sleep with us.
35
00:01:13,855 --> 00:01:16,315
Huh.
36
00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:18,397
I... find that
kind of flattering.
37
00:01:18,484 --> 00:01:19,534
I like the idea
38
00:01:20,653 --> 00:01:22,363
of being the couple that people
want to have sex with.
39
00:01:22,405 --> 00:01:24,565
Like George and Amal or...
40
00:01:24,657 --> 00:01:27,237
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
41
00:01:27,327 --> 00:01:28,237
What?
42
00:01:28,328 --> 00:01:29,538
Nobody wants to have a threesome
43
00:01:29,579 --> 00:01:30,909
with Goldie Hawn
and Kurt Russell anymore.
44
00:01:30,997 --> 00:01:32,247
What are you talking about?
45
00:01:32,332 --> 00:01:33,672
Well, I think they're classy.
46
00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:35,668
Like Michael Douglas
and Catherine Zeta‐Jones.
47
00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:36,840
Okay, quit naming
old couples, Maxine.
48
00:01:36,878 --> 00:01:37,628
You're creeping me out.
49
00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,761
Look, the point is,
if this is real,
50
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,630
what are we gonna do about it?
51
00:01:44,510 --> 00:01:46,850
I don't know. (giggles)
I mean...
52
00:01:46,888 --> 00:01:48,348
you've said in the past
53
00:01:48,389 --> 00:01:50,309
that you'd be open to us
trying a threesome.
54
00:01:50,391 --> 00:01:52,691
And it's fallen in our lap
on our three‐year anniversary.
55
00:01:52,727 --> 00:01:56,187
I don't think we can get
a much clearer sign from God.
56
00:01:56,230 --> 00:01:58,900
I mean, it is something
I've fantasized about.
57
00:01:58,942 --> 00:02:01,492
And you're sure it's something
that you still want to try?
58
00:02:01,611 --> 00:02:05,571
More than I want my father to
live to see his grandchildren.
59
00:02:05,615 --> 00:02:08,405
I don't even know why
we're talking about this,
60
00:02:08,451 --> 00:02:09,871
because you're just
interpreting it all wrong.
61
00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,791
She's just a friendly person.
62
00:02:11,871 --> 00:02:14,251
Okay, here, she's coming back.
Don't make it weird. I'm not gonna...
63
00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:15,630
Okay, here we go.
64
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,458
Thanks.
Oh, thank you so much, Jessica.
65
00:02:18,544 --> 00:02:22,554
You know, you have, like,
really beautiful eyes.
66
00:02:25,343 --> 00:02:27,393
Oh. Thank you.
67
00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:28,848
You know...
68
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:31,310
Jessica...
69
00:02:31,391 --> 00:02:33,561
if I may speak for
my fiancée and I,
70
00:02:33,601 --> 00:02:36,601
we think your eyes
are beautiful, too.
71
00:02:45,488 --> 00:02:48,868
Oh. Wow. Um...
72
00:02:59,711 --> 00:03:02,761
Hey, Jessica,
you ever seen Westworld?
73
00:03:04,757 --> 00:03:06,877
♪ ♪
74
00:03:25,528 --> 00:03:27,658
Happy anniversary.
75
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:30,275
Last night
was... amazing.
76
00:03:30,324 --> 00:03:31,874
It was incredible, right?
77
00:03:31,951 --> 00:03:33,491
Every couple should
have a threesome.
78
00:03:33,536 --> 00:03:35,196
I've never felt
more in sync with you.
79
00:03:35,288 --> 00:03:37,038
Mm‐hmm.
80
00:03:37,123 --> 00:03:38,793
I'm not gonna lie.
81
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,293
Really proud of
the work I did in there.
82
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:42,804
I mean...
83
00:03:42,837 --> 00:03:44,627
it was overwhelming
for a second,
84
00:03:44,672 --> 00:03:46,972
but it's good to know that
in a fight‐or‐flight situation,
85
00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:50,508
your boy here spars
with the best of them.
86
00:03:50,553 --> 00:03:51,893
Yeah, I feel like
we can accomplish
87
00:03:51,971 --> 00:03:53,471
anything together now.
88
00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:55,604
You know, if they had group
sex at corporate retreats,
89
00:03:55,683 --> 00:03:57,643
I bet company productivity
would skyrocket.
90
00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:58,975
(chuckles)
91
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,190
After last night, I think
you finally passed Jay Z
92
00:04:01,230 --> 00:04:03,650
as the most important person
in the world to me.
93
00:04:03,691 --> 00:04:06,491
(laughs)
94
00:04:06,527 --> 00:04:09,157
Yeah, no, and I was like,
"Well, this is a grocery store.
95
00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:11,028
You're supposed
to have the bags."
96
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,500
Hey, why is she still here?
97
00:04:15,536 --> 00:04:17,036
Yeah, it's almost
noon; it's like,
98
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,580
how long are you supposed
to stay after a threesome?
99
00:04:19,665 --> 00:04:22,125
It was clearly
a one‐night stand.
100
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:22,920
Everybody knows the rules.
101
00:04:23,002 --> 00:04:24,842
As soon as the sun
hits your face,
102
00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:27,509
you're supposed to get out
of there like a vampire.
103
00:04:29,217 --> 00:04:30,587
Hey, Jessica.
104
00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:31,756
Good morning.
105
00:04:31,844 --> 00:04:34,184
Well, that was
a really fun night.
106
00:04:34,222 --> 00:04:36,892
Oh! Oh...
107
00:04:36,933 --> 00:04:38,563
Oh.
108
00:04:39,685 --> 00:04:42,725
Okay.
109
00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:45,192
Hey, do you guys
have an extra toothbrush?
110
00:04:45,233 --> 00:04:46,863
What?
111
00:04:46,901 --> 00:04:48,531
Uh, yeah, there
should be one, uh,
112
00:04:48,611 --> 00:04:49,901
in the cabinet
under the sink.
113
00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:51,566
Okay, thanks.
114
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:54,784
And when I get out,
we can finally watch Westworld.
115
00:04:57,078 --> 00:04:59,748
How long do you think
she's gonna stay here?
116
00:04:59,789 --> 00:05:01,709
She's brushing her teeth
while wearing my shirt.
117
00:05:01,749 --> 00:05:04,669
I think she's planning on
dying here.
118
00:05:04,752 --> 00:05:06,212
(sighs) Okay, here's
what we're gonna do.
119
00:05:06,254 --> 00:05:08,214
When she gets out,
I'm just gonna tell her
120
00:05:08,256 --> 00:05:10,006
that I got an emergency text
from my sister,
121
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:11,881
and we have to go pick her up
122
00:05:11,926 --> 00:05:13,256
from her abusive boyfriend's
house.
123
00:05:13,302 --> 00:05:14,852
Well, what if she wants
to come with us?
124
00:05:14,929 --> 00:05:16,219
Who would want to come to that?
125
00:05:16,264 --> 00:05:17,934
Uh, everyone.
126
00:05:17,974 --> 00:05:19,934
Do you know how interesting
that sounds?
127
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:21,596
If someone told me
they were about to go
128
00:05:21,644 --> 00:05:22,904
to their sister's house
who'd just been abused,
129
00:05:22,937 --> 00:05:24,607
I'd drop all my plans
and get in the car.
130
00:05:24,647 --> 00:05:27,147
Now, look, I'm just gonna
tell her to get out.
131
00:05:27,233 --> 00:05:28,193
No, you can't do that.
132
00:05:29,193 --> 00:05:30,323
We have to come up with
the right thing to say
133
00:05:30,403 --> 00:05:32,073
so that she leaves
but she doesn't,
134
00:05:32,155 --> 00:05:34,025
you know, feel
hurt by it.
135
00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:36,615
Okay, you know, I'm just
gonna tell her that
136
00:05:36,659 --> 00:05:37,989
I forgot we already
had plans.
137
00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:38,947
Eh.
138
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:41,911
Just a heads up,
your toothbrushes are medium,
139
00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:44,246
but most dentists
actually recommend soft.
140
00:05:44,292 --> 00:05:46,172
It's easier on your gums.
141
00:05:46,252 --> 00:05:49,672
Oh, yeah, I've been meaning
to get soft toothbrushes.
142
00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,045
Uh...
143
00:05:51,966 --> 00:05:53,626
Oh, crap!
144
00:05:53,676 --> 00:05:56,256
Jerrod, I forgot
that we have to go get
145
00:05:56,304 --> 00:05:57,604
our couple's massage
146
00:05:57,638 --> 00:06:00,018
at the spa
because it's our anniversary.
147
00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:01,809
Oh, what spa?
148
00:06:03,644 --> 00:06:05,104
Oh, it's, um...
149
00:06:05,146 --> 00:06:06,766
What's it called?
150
00:06:06,814 --> 00:06:08,114
Look, Maxine's lying to you.
151
00:06:08,149 --> 00:06:09,689
The truth is
152
00:06:09,775 --> 00:06:11,275
we only wanted
to have sex with you,
153
00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,069
and we don't want
to hang out anymore,
154
00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:15,324
so we would prefer it
if you left.
155
00:06:15,364 --> 00:06:17,034
Cool?
156
00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:20,906
What? Jerrod, what the
hell is your problem?
157
00:06:20,995 --> 00:06:22,785
I am so sorry, Jessica.
158
00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,290
We do not
feel that way at all.
159
00:06:24,332 --> 00:06:26,132
We had an amazing time
with you last night,
160
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:27,707
and no one's telling
you to leave.
161
00:06:27,793 --> 00:06:29,213
Nah.
162
00:06:29,295 --> 00:06:30,625
She's just saying that.
163
00:06:30,671 --> 00:06:33,051
We really would like for you to
leave.
164
00:06:33,132 --> 00:06:34,682
Cool?
165
00:06:36,469 --> 00:06:40,849
Wow. Um, I'm sorry
I overstayed my welcome.
166
00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:42,390
No, don't be so
hard on yourself.
167
00:06:42,475 --> 00:06:44,635
We're new to threesomes,
too, you know?
168
00:06:44,685 --> 00:06:46,805
We're just figuring out
all these crazy rules
169
00:06:46,854 --> 00:06:48,864
as we go along, you know?
170
00:06:51,359 --> 00:06:54,029
(scoffs)
171
00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:56,740
Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll leave.
172
00:07:02,036 --> 00:07:03,996
Westworld time!
173
00:07:04,038 --> 00:07:05,998
Jerrod, how can you be
so inconsiderate?
174
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,330
She was so hurt.
175
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:08,995
No, she seemed fine.
176
00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:10,883
Okay, how would you feel
if you had sex with someone
177
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,840
and then they kicked you out
first thing in the morning?
178
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:13,970
Amazing.
179
00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:15,088
Maxine,
180
00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:17,343
honesty is way better than
stringing someone along.
181
00:07:17,385 --> 00:07:19,215
We kicked her out
early enough for her
182
00:07:19,262 --> 00:07:21,102
to still enjoy
the rest of her day.
183
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:22,430
What is it, like, noon?
184
00:07:22,515 --> 00:07:24,175
She could still catch a matinée
if she wants to,
185
00:07:24,225 --> 00:07:25,765
and those are half off tickets.
186
00:07:25,851 --> 00:07:27,851
We're saving this girl
time and money.
187
00:07:27,895 --> 00:07:30,055
Oh, don't act like
you did something noble.
188
00:07:30,106 --> 00:07:32,356
Nobody likes
that kind of brutal honesty.
189
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,360
Lying after sex is just
common human decency.
190
00:07:34,402 --> 00:07:36,242
Okay.
191
00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:38,359
Maxine, let's not
fight about her, okay?
192
00:07:38,447 --> 00:07:40,027
If there's a lesson
to be learned here,
193
00:07:40,074 --> 00:07:42,794
it's that we are just
way too much fun as a couple.
194
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:44,538
People are gonna
get attached.
195
00:07:44,578 --> 00:07:45,998
I bet this is what it's like
196
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,290
when Barack and Michelle
have threesomes.
197
00:07:48,374 --> 00:07:51,214
You threw her
out like trash.
198
00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:53,252
No, I didn't. I recycled her.
199
00:07:53,296 --> 00:07:54,376
I‐I put her back
200
00:07:55,423 --> 00:07:57,223
into the world so she could
have a new beginning.
201
00:07:57,258 --> 00:07:59,218
(knock on door)
CYNTHIA: Happy anniversary!
202
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,220
No, do not
answer the door.
203
00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:02,892
I cannot deal with
your family right now.
204
00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:04,970
I can't not answer the door.
They're at the door.
205
00:08:05,057 --> 00:08:07,387
BOBBY: Hey, Jerrod, you home?
Maybe they're not home.
206
00:08:07,435 --> 00:08:09,475
CYNTHIA: Well, where else
would they be?
207
00:08:09,562 --> 00:08:12,902
They're always over our place
or here; they got no lives.
208
00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:14,900
JOE: Jerrod,
you're being rude as hell.
209
00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:17,992
Now, I'm gonna kick
this door down if I need to.
210
00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:19,819
Five, four...
211
00:08:20,614 --> 00:08:24,374
Happy anniversary!
212
00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,452
Took y'all long enough.
213
00:08:26,495 --> 00:08:28,405
Look at you two.
214
00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:31,286
Still in your bathrobes.
215
00:08:31,334 --> 00:08:34,094
Well, that must have been
a wild night, huh?
216
00:08:34,128 --> 00:08:35,588
Huh?! Huh?!
All right.
217
00:08:35,629 --> 00:08:38,129
Okay, okay. All right.
Okay. Please stop.
218
00:08:38,174 --> 00:08:39,934
(laughs)
219
00:08:39,967 --> 00:08:42,927
Of course, the real anniversary
comes after you get married,
220
00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:44,430
but you kids
221
00:08:44,472 --> 00:08:48,432
and your new ways, celebrating
dating anniversaries.
222
00:08:48,476 --> 00:08:51,096
I just hope
you get right with God.
223
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:54,315
Soon, before you have to
go to hell forever.
224
00:08:55,983 --> 00:08:58,283
But congratulations!
225
00:08:58,319 --> 00:09:00,359
So, look, we went
to the Pottery Barn,
226
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:03,494
and we got his and her
Egyptian cotton towels.
227
00:09:03,532 --> 00:09:05,532
Feel it. Uh‐huh.
228
00:09:05,618 --> 00:09:07,288
That's how they
dry their ass in Egypt.
229
00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:08,998
It's nice, right?
230
00:09:11,332 --> 00:09:13,082
Well, thank you, guys.
231
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:14,287
I'm gonna be
in the bedroom.
232
00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:15,495
Jerrod, we'll
finish this later.
233
00:09:15,544 --> 00:09:17,134
Hold on.
234
00:09:17,171 --> 00:09:19,471
I think I know
what's happening here.
235
00:09:19,507 --> 00:09:22,337
We walked in on
a little anniversary fight.
236
00:09:22,385 --> 00:09:24,175
The most beautiful fight
of the year.
237
00:09:25,846 --> 00:09:28,516
You know, Jerrod was conceived
after a anniversary fight.
238
00:09:28,557 --> 00:09:30,307
See, when a man is angry,
239
00:09:30,351 --> 00:09:33,311
that's when he's at
his most potent.
240
00:09:33,354 --> 00:09:34,654
Judging from the anger
I'm looking at
241
00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:36,229
on y'all's faces,
242
00:09:36,315 --> 00:09:38,605
we might be grandparents
in nine months.
243
00:09:40,027 --> 00:09:41,147
(knock on door)
244
00:09:43,239 --> 00:09:44,449
Sorry, I just...
245
00:09:44,532 --> 00:09:45,412
Well, who is this?
246
00:09:45,491 --> 00:09:47,201
Oh, hey, hey.
247
00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:49,163
It's not actually a good time.
My parents came by, so...
248
00:09:49,203 --> 00:09:50,503
I left my bra, okay?
249
00:09:50,538 --> 00:09:52,668
Just give it to me
and I'll leave.
250
00:09:53,374 --> 00:09:55,334
"Bra"?
251
00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:57,376
Did she just
say "bra"?
252
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:59,340
Yeah, I heard "bra,"
Mama.
253
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,170
You did say "bra," right, lady?
254
00:10:01,215 --> 00:10:02,295
JERROD:
Hey, okay.
255
00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:05,054
Look, just wait right there.
I'll go grab it, okay?
256
00:10:09,515 --> 00:10:12,385
Hi, Jessica.
257
00:10:12,435 --> 00:10:14,515
Hi.
258
00:10:18,065 --> 00:10:21,145
So, uh...
259
00:10:21,235 --> 00:10:24,065
did y'all have
a little sleepover or something?
260
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:31,576
Yeah, something like that.
261
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:34,210
Oh, so you're visiting
from out of state?
262
00:10:34,248 --> 00:10:35,498
No.
263
00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:37,543
Okay.
264
00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:40,455
Here you go.
Thanks for coming by.
265
00:10:40,546 --> 00:10:42,046
Bye.
This isn't my bra.
266
00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:43,379
Oh, God.
Jerrod, that is mine.
267
00:10:43,424 --> 00:10:45,514
I'm‐‐ Oh, here.
Thank you. Okay.
268
00:10:51,098 --> 00:10:53,348
So, uh, y'all went to
high school together?
269
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:54,564
No.
270
00:10:54,602 --> 00:10:57,402
Okay.
271
00:10:57,438 --> 00:11:00,228
Jerrod got a shirt
just like that.
272
00:11:02,943 --> 00:11:04,403
Um, here.
273
00:11:04,445 --> 00:11:05,735
Thanks.
274
00:11:09,575 --> 00:11:14,615
Yo, something went down,
and we're gonna figure it out.
275
00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:19,585
I know, because
I've been wearing bras
276
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,417
since before you boys were born,
277
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:24,382
and I have never
forgotten one somewhere.
278
00:11:25,966 --> 00:11:27,376
It just seems impolite
279
00:11:27,468 --> 00:11:30,678
to be taking off your bra
at your friend's house.
280
00:11:30,763 --> 00:11:33,473
Yeah, if I take my drawers off
at a friend's house,
281
00:11:33,516 --> 00:11:36,056
that means something
horrible has happened.
282
00:11:37,603 --> 00:11:39,443
This is very peculiar.
283
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,940
Okay, there's nothing
suspicious, okay?
284
00:11:41,982 --> 00:11:44,402
Stop trying
to figure something out.
285
00:11:44,485 --> 00:11:47,315
So...
286
00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:49,203
a girl stayed over,
287
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,290
and she left her bra
in y'all bedroom,
288
00:11:53,327 --> 00:11:56,537
and then there's a lot
of tension in the air.
289
00:11:56,622 --> 00:11:58,122
(chuckles)
290
00:11:58,165 --> 00:11:59,575
It's pretty clear
what went down.
291
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:02,797
Well, what did you deduce,
Bobby?
292
00:12:02,837 --> 00:12:06,127
Jerrod and Maxine had
a threesome last night.
293
00:12:06,173 --> 00:12:07,303
A threesome?!
294
00:12:07,341 --> 00:12:09,471
Oh, my God.
295
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,470
I solved the case.
(laughs)
296
00:12:19,436 --> 00:12:21,226
Let me get
this straight.
297
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,820
Y'all had an orgy
last night?
298
00:12:23,858 --> 00:12:25,568
Let's not make a big deal
about this, okay?
299
00:12:25,651 --> 00:12:26,821
JOE: Well, I'm having
conflicted feelings.
300
00:12:26,861 --> 00:12:29,991
On the one hand,
I'm proud of my son,
301
00:12:30,072 --> 00:12:33,452
and on the other hand,
I'm very disappointed in Maxine.
302
00:12:35,452 --> 00:12:39,212
Man, this double standard thing
between men and women is real.
303
00:12:39,248 --> 00:12:40,878
Can we please
just drop this?
304
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:44,706
You're always trying
to steal my thunder, Jerrod.
305
00:12:44,753 --> 00:12:46,463
Look, I was just about
to break the news
306
00:12:46,547 --> 00:12:49,217
that I finally slept
with a Asian chick.
307
00:12:49,258 --> 00:12:52,338
But, no,
Jerrod got to have it all.
308
00:12:54,221 --> 00:12:56,601
God, I did not wake up
this morning thinking
309
00:12:56,682 --> 00:12:58,812
I would find out
that my boy
310
00:12:58,893 --> 00:13:01,563
is engaged to a lesbian.
311
00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:05,570
This does not
make me a lesbian.
312
00:13:05,608 --> 00:13:07,028
Are you sure, Maxine?
313
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,937
'Cause sometimes
being a lesbian
314
00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:11,568
can lay dormant
in your system for years,
315
00:13:11,614 --> 00:13:13,704
then it can come back on you
out of nowhere,
316
00:13:13,741 --> 00:13:16,331
like a acid flashback.
317
00:13:21,874 --> 00:13:24,754
Maxine, is this one
of those silly things
318
00:13:24,793 --> 00:13:28,593
where you're trying to prove
how open‐minded you are?
319
00:13:28,631 --> 00:13:32,051
Last week, you tried
the vegan diet.
320
00:13:32,092 --> 00:13:34,892
This week, you've been
with another woman.
321
00:13:34,929 --> 00:13:37,349
You need to pick
out your identity
322
00:13:37,431 --> 00:13:39,021
and stick with it!
323
00:13:40,392 --> 00:13:42,062
Jerrod?
324
00:13:42,102 --> 00:13:43,902
I can't control what they say.
325
00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:50,356
So, y'all had a threesome on
your three‐year anniversary.
326
00:13:50,444 --> 00:13:53,914
So, on the fourth, is it
gonna be four people?
327
00:13:53,989 --> 00:13:55,819
Or what if you're together
as long as Mom and Dad?
328
00:13:55,908 --> 00:13:58,618
35 people?
329
00:13:58,661 --> 00:14:00,581
When does it end?!
330
00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:01,831
MAXINE:
All right.
331
00:14:01,914 --> 00:14:04,584
Everybody,
get out of my apartment!
332
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,915
Joe, what's happening?
She allowed to do that?
333
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,420
Maxine.
334
00:14:08,462 --> 00:14:11,722
I liked you better
when you were straight!
335
00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:14,929
And, Jerrod,
I'm taking these towels.
336
00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:16,638
And you'll never know
what it's like
337
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,559
to dry your ass
like an Egyptian.
338
00:14:20,808 --> 00:14:23,348
Then I guess I know
when I'm not wanted.
339
00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:25,805
Jerrod, congratulations
on your threesome.
340
00:14:25,854 --> 00:14:27,824
I couldn't be
more proud of you
341
00:14:27,856 --> 00:14:31,486
if you were the first Carmichael
to graduate from college.
342
00:14:31,527 --> 00:14:34,027
And, Maxine...
343
00:14:34,071 --> 00:14:35,951
shameful day all around.
344
00:14:40,828 --> 00:14:42,578
Maxine, what's that about?
(door closes)
345
00:14:42,663 --> 00:14:44,333
You can't just
throw my parents out.
346
00:14:44,373 --> 00:14:45,673
Oh, well, maybe I
wouldn't have to
347
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,128
if you would just
stand up for me.
348
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,377
What does that mean?
349
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:50,130
Maxine.
350
00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:53,470
What's wrong? Come on.
Come on, talk to me.
351
00:14:53,507 --> 00:14:55,467
Look, I'm not
a traditional woman
352
00:14:55,509 --> 00:14:56,969
who wants some
big church wedding,
353
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,970
I'm not sure
that I ever want kids,
354
00:14:59,012 --> 00:15:01,522
and I will never have dinner
waiting for you
355
00:15:01,557 --> 00:15:04,637
when you get home, but I do want
you to just come to my rescue
356
00:15:04,685 --> 00:15:05,975
every once in a while.
357
00:15:06,019 --> 00:15:08,729
Like, when your parents
call me a whore.
358
00:15:08,814 --> 00:15:11,694
That would be a great time
for you to step up for me.
359
00:15:11,734 --> 00:15:13,534
No one used
that exact word.
360
00:15:13,569 --> 00:15:15,149
Jerrod, look, you...
361
00:15:15,237 --> 00:15:17,197
you challenge me intellectually,
362
00:15:17,239 --> 00:15:20,159
and you push me to try new
things and you make me laugh,
363
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,830
but, my God,
are you bad with feelings.
364
00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:24,580
And it's fine if
you want to pretend
365
00:15:24,663 --> 00:15:26,583
like you don't have any,
but I do.
366
00:15:26,665 --> 00:15:28,495
And I need you
to think about them.
367
00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:30,752
And I don't want to
have to tell you to do that.
368
00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:32,546
Maxine, here's
something that
369
00:15:32,588 --> 00:15:34,508
I don't think you
realize about me:
370
00:15:34,548 --> 00:15:37,178
I am not a good
boyfriend, okay?
371
00:15:37,217 --> 00:15:39,047
It doesn't mean that
I don't love you.
372
00:15:39,094 --> 00:15:41,684
It just means that,
uh, I'm bad at it.
373
00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:43,892
Jerrod, you're not
gonna get out of this
374
00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:45,892
by trying to get me
to lower my expectations.
375
00:15:45,934 --> 00:15:47,944
I mean, why would I have
agreed to marry you?
376
00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:50,020
Why would I stay in
a relationship like that?
377
00:15:50,063 --> 00:15:53,653
I don't think
you will... okay?
378
00:15:53,734 --> 00:15:56,954
And, I don't know,
sometimes that scares me.
379
00:15:56,987 --> 00:15:58,607
Wait.
380
00:15:58,655 --> 00:16:00,735
You think that I'm gonna
break up with you? Why?
381
00:16:00,783 --> 00:16:02,123
Because I'm not
a good boyfriend.
382
00:16:02,201 --> 00:16:04,701
Isn't that what
this whole fight is about?
383
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:06,575
Well, maybe if you would
just be a good boyfriend,
384
00:16:06,622 --> 00:16:08,582
you wouldn't have to be worried
about me breaking up with you.
385
00:16:08,624 --> 00:16:10,834
Well, we are in a real
chicken‐or‐egg situation here,
386
00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:12,208
aren't we, Maxine?
387
00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:16,587
Look, you are
a caring, compassionate,
388
00:16:16,632 --> 00:16:18,882
loving person.
389
00:16:18,926 --> 00:16:20,966
When you want to be.
390
00:16:21,053 --> 00:16:22,763
No, I'm not.
391
00:16:22,805 --> 00:16:24,715
I'm beginning to worry that
you don't know who I am.
392
00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:26,055
Oh, God, yes, you are!
393
00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:27,939
I mean, Jerrod,
I saw that person last night.
394
00:16:27,976 --> 00:16:29,386
We were so in sync.
395
00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:31,436
You knew everything
that I wanted.
396
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,440
I mean, midway through,
you just went
397
00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:35,232
and got me a bottle
of sparkling water.
398
00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:37,105
Yeah, 'cause I could
tell you were thirsty.
399
00:16:37,152 --> 00:16:39,112
And I was, and you knew that.
400
00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:40,954
And, see, this is
what I'm talking about.
401
00:16:40,989 --> 00:16:42,569
Yeah, but that's
different, Maxine.
402
00:16:42,616 --> 00:16:45,076
A threesome is a very
fragile, delicate situation.
403
00:16:45,118 --> 00:16:47,118
If I weren't attentive
to all your needs,
404
00:16:47,162 --> 00:16:49,252
that whole thing
could've fallen apart.
405
00:16:49,289 --> 00:16:53,209
So, why not be that guy
all the time?
406
00:16:53,293 --> 00:16:54,963
Huh.
407
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:03,259
So you want me to live every day
408
00:17:03,303 --> 00:17:06,143
like we're in
the middle of a threesome?
409
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:08,681
If that's the only way
for you to understand
410
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,597
how to be a loving,
compassionate person
411
00:17:10,644 --> 00:17:12,064
who thinks about my feelings,
412
00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:14,225
then, yeah,
that's what I'm trying to say.
413
00:17:14,314 --> 00:17:16,534
Okay, no, no, I hear you,
Maxine, I hear you.
414
00:17:16,608 --> 00:17:18,778
So, what you're saying
is that this relationship
415
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:21,779
isn't just about me.
416
00:17:23,532 --> 00:17:24,782
Yes. (chuckles)
417
00:17:24,825 --> 00:17:26,485
And you're saying
that I should, like,
418
00:17:26,535 --> 00:17:28,155
pay attention to your needs,
419
00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:30,503
even in, like, regular,
everyday situations.
420
00:17:30,539 --> 00:17:32,169
Yes.
421
00:17:32,207 --> 00:17:34,537
I really hope these aren't
completely new thoughts for you.
422
00:17:34,626 --> 00:17:35,836
You know what, Maxine?
423
00:17:35,878 --> 00:17:37,588
Come with me
to my parents' house.
424
00:17:37,671 --> 00:17:39,511
I need to go stand up for you.
425
00:17:39,548 --> 00:17:41,678
I should've done that from
the beginning, but I'm gonna
426
00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:43,047
show them another side of me.
427
00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:46,505
I'm gonna show them
Threesome Jerrod.
428
00:17:46,555 --> 00:17:49,135
Boy, this analogy
is really sticking, huh?
429
00:17:49,183 --> 00:17:51,693
Yeah, it's really clearing
a lot of stuff up for me.
430
00:17:51,727 --> 00:17:53,687
Oh. Maxine, let's go.
431
00:17:53,729 --> 00:17:55,809
But wear something nice 'cause
we got to make a stop first.
432
00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:59,146
But I promise it's gonna be
romantic and really spontaneous.
433
00:17:59,193 --> 00:18:01,323
Where are we going?
434
00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:04,661
All right, you guys,
sit down and listen up.
435
00:18:05,699 --> 00:18:08,869
You guys insulted Maxine,
and you can't do that, okay?
436
00:18:08,911 --> 00:18:10,201
Because she has feelings,
437
00:18:10,245 --> 00:18:12,245
and her feelings are
connected to my feelings.
438
00:18:12,331 --> 00:18:14,001
I love this girl.
439
00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:16,081
Last night,
she gave me a threesome.
440
00:18:16,168 --> 00:18:18,748
Do you know what
that means to me?
441
00:18:18,837 --> 00:18:20,337
That means
everything to me.
442
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:24,050
Jerrod, why do you keep
bringing up this threesome?
443
00:18:24,092 --> 00:18:27,012
I am your mother.
This is disgusting.
444
00:18:27,888 --> 00:18:29,718
Well, I'm feeling badly.
445
00:18:29,765 --> 00:18:33,685
Maybe I took it a little too far
when I called Maxine a lesbian
446
00:18:33,727 --> 00:18:36,307
and implied that
she was a ho and whatnot.
447
00:18:37,898 --> 00:18:39,188
We cool?
448
00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:40,943
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, Joe, okay.
449
00:18:41,026 --> 00:18:42,606
Jerrod, tell them
the other thing.
450
00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:44,153
Oh, yeah,
that's right, my bad.
451
00:18:44,238 --> 00:18:45,698
Maxine and I got married.
452
00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:47,701
We just did it
at the courthouse.
453
00:18:49,743 --> 00:18:52,123
You got married?!
454
00:18:52,204 --> 00:18:54,254
At the courthouse,
no wedding?!
455
00:18:54,289 --> 00:18:58,039
Nope. My partner in threesomes
has become my partner in life.
456
00:18:58,085 --> 00:19:00,205
Now give us back
our towels!
457
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,380
Now, Dad, Mom...
458
00:19:03,423 --> 00:19:04,933
No!
459
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,760
Look, I consider myself
pretty progressive,
460
00:19:09,805 --> 00:19:12,925
but what you guys have done
in the last 12 hours is insane.
461
00:19:12,975 --> 00:19:15,135
But hold on, now. Did y'all
really get married?
462
00:19:15,227 --> 00:19:16,937
Yeah. Turns out
all you got to do
463
00:19:16,979 --> 00:19:19,109
is pay $60
and sign something.
464
00:19:19,147 --> 00:19:21,977
Yeah. I'm Maxine
North‐Carmichael.
465
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:24,237
You hyphenated?
466
00:19:24,278 --> 00:19:27,738
Lord, even your name
is a threesome!
467
00:19:29,408 --> 00:19:33,408
Well, this is not the way I
expected my son to get married,
468
00:19:33,453 --> 00:19:35,413
but regardless,
I'm happy.
469
00:19:35,455 --> 00:19:37,825
All right, everybody,
bring it in.
470
00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:39,286
Welcome to the family,
Maxine.
471
00:19:39,334 --> 00:19:40,634
Aw, thank you.
472
00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:42,089
Cynthia, come on,
bring it in now.
473
00:19:42,129 --> 00:19:45,419
Why? So y'all can try
and have sex with me, too?
474
00:19:45,465 --> 00:19:47,795
No, thank you!
475
00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:49,853
Well, look,
476
00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:51,968
after yesterday's threesome,
477
00:19:52,014 --> 00:19:54,894
y'all wedding night is really
gonna be a disappointment.
478
00:20:05,485 --> 00:20:08,905
So...
479
00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:11,445
does a threesome
last twice as long
480
00:20:11,491 --> 00:20:13,951
or half as long?
481
00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:15,834
I'm not giving you
any details, Bobby.
482
00:20:15,871 --> 00:20:17,501
This is my wife
we're talking about.
483
00:20:17,539 --> 00:20:19,999
Did you do the thing
where you, you know,
484
00:20:20,042 --> 00:20:21,382
you, like,
grab the leg...
485
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,630
Okay, you know what, Bobby?
486
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,510
Everything that you're
imagining we did,
487
00:20:25,547 --> 00:20:27,547
we did, twice.
488
00:20:27,632 --> 00:20:29,932
I hate you.
489
00:20:31,345 --> 00:20:32,385
What?
490
00:20:32,471 --> 00:20:35,351
Look, sorry, I can't help it
but to sound resentful.
491
00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:36,980
But let me ask
you something.
492
00:20:37,017 --> 00:20:38,557
(clears throat)
493
00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:40,353
Is it weird
494
00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:44,435
that I can't stop picturing
my brother having sex?
495
00:20:44,524 --> 00:20:47,404
Yes. Yes,
it is weird, Bobby.
496
00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:49,446
Is it even weirder
497
00:20:49,529 --> 00:20:52,909
that I don't want to
stop picturing it?
498
00:20:52,991 --> 00:20:55,661
Please leave my apartment.
499
00:20:57,204 --> 00:20:58,504
Fine!
500
00:20:58,538 --> 00:21:00,998
I don't need this.
501
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:04,336
You know something?
502
00:21:04,378 --> 00:21:06,378
I bet you haven't
pictured one time
503
00:21:06,421 --> 00:21:08,551
me having sex
with that Asian chick.
504
00:21:10,384 --> 00:21:13,184
And you know why?
It's because you're selfish!
505
00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:16,220
Captioned by
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506
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