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The Carmichael Show
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00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:04,250
is taped in
front of a live studio audience.
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00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,426
I mean, I know Bobby
said he wanted to talk,
4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,795
but this is the last place to
come to have a conversation.
5
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,602
This is where you
bring your family
6
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,676
after you've run out of
things to say to each other.
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00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,182
Yeah, this place
stresses me out.
8
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,694
Every time
the chef does something,
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00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,595
I feel like I have to clap,
or I'm being rude.
10
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,274
What are you
talking about?
11
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,152
This is the one restaurant
where you can be rude.
12
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,609
They can't spit in your food
'cause we're right here.
13
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,199
I hate this.
14
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,501
If I wanted to pretend
to be impressed,
15
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:39,405
every single time someone did
something, I'd have a child.
16
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,044
Hey, y'all,
thanks for meeting me here. Yo.
17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,502
Look, I got
something to tell you
18
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,212
that's gonna
blow your minds.
19
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,132
You missed another payment
on your credit card,
20
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,720
and you need
to borrow $7,000.
21
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:54,506
I mean, yes, but that's not
what I was talking about.
22
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,723
Bobby, what happened?
Is everything okay?
23
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,563
All right, I hope
you're ready for this.
24
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,058
Look, I was on Facebook,
minding my own business.
25
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,561
That is the exact opposite
of what Facebook is.
26
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,574
Jerrod,
are you gonna let me finish?
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,737
Thank you. I was on Facebook,
in everybody else's business,
28
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:14,487
when I got a message
that you won't believe.
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00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,289
Hey, Maxine,
clap your hands.
30
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:23,459
You're embarrassing us!
31
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,378
Bobby, just tell us.
32
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,247
(sighs)
So, look, I got this message
33
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:30,424
from some guy named Morris
that said he's Dad's son,
34
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,594
and claims
he's our half brother.
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00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,553
Oh, my God!
You think this is true?
36
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:36,764
I don't know, but I'm gonna
37
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,273
message him back
so I can find out.
38
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,515
Bobby, don't message him back,
okay?
39
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,767
Aw.
40
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,898
Don't worry,
baby brother.
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00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,895
I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.
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00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,277
You know, I'm gonna see if
this really is our half brother,
43
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:53,275
or this is a plot to rob us
and, uh, assault Maxine.
44
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,700
Bobby... it's true, okay?
45
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,910
Morris really is
our half brother.
46
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:01,290
What?!
(fire hissing)
47
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,828
Hey, stop clapping!
48
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,922
♪ ♪
49
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:25,975
Jerrod, we got
a half brother?
50
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,649
Dad has a son
with another woman?
51
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,939
How long have
you known? Not that long.
52
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:35,572
I guess I found out when
I was ten, so‐‐ I don't know‐‐
53
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,912
20 years?
54
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,447
And you never
said anything?
55
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:41,330
I have
so many questions.
56
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,538
Oh, my God!
57
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,828
It is so hard to have
a serious conversation here!
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00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,003
Okay, so, how did you
even find out?
59
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,012
Yeah, how exactly
did you find out?
60
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,625
Well, all right,
when I was a kid,
61
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,973
I was riding my bike,
and I rode past this park
62
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,968
where I saw
Dad playing basketball
63
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,010
with this kid
I didn't recognize.
64
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,644
So I confronted him about it,
65
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,311
and he had no choice
but to tell me the truth.
66
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,770
You must have been
devastated.
67
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,480
Actually, I was a
little relieved,
68
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,980
'cause for a split second,
69
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:13,361
I thought my dad might've
been a pedophile.
70
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:15,703
So does Cynthia know?
71
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,316
No, no.
72
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,032
Oh, my God,
so did he cheat on her?
73
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,792
No, my dad is still
an honorable man.
74
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,865
He just had a kid a year before
he and my mom were married,
75
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,711
and then he kept
that kid a secret
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00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,576
their entire
relationship, that's all.
77
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:32,053
Man, I'm a middle child?
78
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,715
This explains all my
fears and my anxieties,
79
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:39,135
and my constant
string of failures.
80
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,716
Does it?
81
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,638
I can't believe your dad
has been lying to your mom
82
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,021
all these years.
83
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,887
Well...
84
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,064
Sometimes it's best to just
keep a secret a secret.
85
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,534
You know? Don't
ruin the illusion.
86
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,355
Uh, there are some things you're
just better off not knowing.
87
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,821
Wouldn't you rather think
88
00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:01,531
that Lance Armstrong
was inexplicably fast,
89
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:06,713
or that Michael Jackson just
really liked sleepovers,
90
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,115
or...
91
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:12,794
W‐Woody Allen was just a
really affectionate father.
92
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:19,379
No. And are you seriously
defending your dad right now?
93
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,054
Of course he is, Maxine.
94
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,432
They're in cahoots.
95
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,719
They've been in cahoots
for years.
96
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:25,933
Yeah, and I actually
don't even understand
97
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,522
how you can defend lying,
98
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,097
'cause your family
is so brutally honest,
99
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,732
that sometimes
I pretend to be sick
100
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,109
so I don't even
have to go over there.
101
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:37,065
So you don't have
Crohn's disease, Maxine?
102
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,948
So you mean to tell me I
walked five miles for nothing?
103
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,117
You know what?
104
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,906
Dad's secret is not gonna
be a secret anymore.
105
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,161
We've lived this lie
for way too long.
106
00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,793
Bobby.
107
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,630
Bobby.
108
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,670
You already did that one.
109
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,133
Dad, Bobby knows about Morris.
110
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,973
What?
We all know.
111
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,048
What?
112
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,724
(panting)
113
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:11,227
I know about Morris,
you lying bastard.
114
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,728
Bobby, shut up.
Your mama's right upstairs.
115
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,070
I can't believe you've
kept this from Cynthia your whole marriage.
116
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,146
I can't believe you're talking
at such a high volume;
117
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,951
are you trying to get Cynthia
to come downstairs?
118
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,776
Yes, 'cause we want Mom to know.
119
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:23,491
Well, she can't know.
120
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,580
Jerrod, why did you tell him?
121
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,325
I didn't tell him.
122
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,156
Morris messaged him on Facebook.
123
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,501
That damn Zuckerberg.
124
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,706
How many lives is he gonna ruin?
125
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,126
All right, look.
Everybody, take a deep breath,
126
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,496
go outside,
127
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,514
get in your cars
and drive home.
128
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,177
We're not going anywhere,
you lying bastard.
129
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,336
JERROD:
Bobby.
130
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,104
Stop calling Dad
a lying bastard.
131
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,427
Now, I know you guys think
it's a good thing
132
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,982
for Mom to find out about this,
133
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,806
but I think you should
give it some time, you know?
134
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,021
Give it
a couple days.
135
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,150
You know what they say,
136
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,816
"Time heals all moral impulses."
137
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,106
No, I am not gonna sleep
on this and change my mind.
138
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,650
Joe has a son.
Cynthia needs to know.
139
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,704
All right, what's it gonna take?
Money?
140
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,528
'Cause I'm willing to do
whatever it takes
141
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,163
to squash this thing,
up to $300.
142
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:14,211
Look, I'm not spending my life
lying to my mama for $300.
143
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,787
$500, that's my final offer.
144
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,883
Each?
145
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,838
MAXINE:
Bobby...
146
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:23,678
Maxine, I was just
considering it, you know?
147
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:27,005
Our answer is no.
148
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,722
Joe, how do you
live with yourself?
149
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,643
Well, how does anybody
live with themselves?
150
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,561
I mean, we could all be helping
Syrian refugees right now
151
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,651
but we're not, and
we're better for it.
152
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,027
Lies is like
chlamydia, Dad, okay?
153
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,685
Even though you
think it's harmless,
154
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:44,703
eventually it turns
into cancer.
155
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,696
What?
156
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:49,988
Chlamydia can turn into cancer?
157
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:53,753
Um, can't chlamydia
turn into cancer?
158
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,207
No, that's HPV.
159
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,076
(whispering):
Thank you.
160
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,253
Lies is a lot like HPV, Daddy.
161
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,763
(sighs)
162
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,257
Y'all need to understand
the situation I was in.
163
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,219
I was a teenager.
164
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,889
We barely knew each other.
165
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,218
It was one night,
and she got pregnant.
166
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,853
So I offered to do the right
thing, but she said no,
167
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,231
she wanted to keep it.
168
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,557
Then I offered to do the
other right thing, you know,
169
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,944
help her raise him,
but she didn't even
170
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,280
want me a part of his life.
171
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,605
You had three decades
to tell her the truth.
172
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,612
I know you think
that my mom should know,
173
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,784
but it's really the liar
174
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,282
who takes on all
of the burden of this.
175
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,703
I mean, look what
it's done to my dad.
176
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,252
You can just see
the self‐loathing in his face.
177
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:38,287
Look at this man's eyes.
178
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,921
His eyes used to sparkle.
179
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,129
These lies are just
weighing them down,
180
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,089
I mean, look at his posture.
181
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,720
And that's just the outside.
182
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,216
Do you know what these lies
are doing to him inside?
183
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,759
It's slowly coagulating
and turning to the tumor
184
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,103
that's gonna end
this man's life.
185
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,638
Yeah, I'm surprised
I'm still alive.
186
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,274
If anything,
knowing he's wronged her
187
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,110
has made him a better husband.
188
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,816
I mean, love isn't what makes
you treat someone nice,
189
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,106
it's guilt.
190
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,112
Any time a woman says,
191
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,822
"He treats me like a princess,"
192
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,832
just know that man has done some
terrible things behind her back.
193
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,833
Joe, it is one thing for you
to lie to your wife.
194
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,120
But you've asked your son
to lie to his mother.
195
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,834
I mean, what do you think
that's done to Jerrod?
196
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,634
I think it's made him
into the complicated man
197
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,798
that you love today.
198
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,917
You know what they call people
199
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:31,094
who have no daddy issues,
Maxine?
200
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,684
Boring.
201
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,970
Joe, think about how much worse
this is gonna be for Cynthia
202
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,984
if she finds out
from someone else.
203
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:41,146
I mean, God forbid, she meets
Morris at your funeral?
204
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:43,356
I mean, imagine that,
the worst day of her life
205
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,856
made even worse by being
blindsided by news like this.
206
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,990
How long are we gonna
talk about my death today?
207
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:54,159
CYNTHIA:
♪ I've got the world on a string... ♪
208
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,869
All right, everybody, shut up.
209
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,329
♪ Sitting on a rainbow. ♪
210
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,250
I thought I heard voices.
211
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,999
What are you all doing here?
212
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:06,131
♪ Got that string
around my finger... ♪
213
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,049
(grunts)
214
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,838
♪ What a world ♪
Ha, ha.
215
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,181
♪ What a life ♪
216
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:14,216
♪ I'm in love. ♪
217
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,970
(both laugh)
218
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,392
Oh, Joe, we still got it.
219
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,020
Yeah, we do.
220
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:22,228
What are you all doing here?
221
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,558
Well, uh, you know, I
told them we have pie,
222
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,324
and they... they love pie,
223
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:30,896
so they are over here to
get some of that pie.
224
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:34,704
Oh. Well, I guess I better
get you all some pie.
225
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:35,989
Thank you.
226
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,248
All right, you got two options.
227
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,415
Get the hell out, or shut up
and stuff your face with pie.
228
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,915
(groans)
229
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,087
I couldn't even
look her in the eye.
230
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,205
Well, just look at the pie.
231
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,512
I don't think I can do this.
232
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,415
Jerrod, get your girl.
233
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,852
It doesn't really
work like that, Dad.
234
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,755
All right, everybody,
just act normal.
235
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,934
Maxine, I made
this gluten‐free crust
236
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,104
for your Crohn's disease.
237
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,943
(clears throat)
238
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,269
It was difficult
to figure out, at first,
239
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,404
how to make it taste
not disgusting.
240
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:15,241
But all I had to do was add
an alarming amount of sugar.
241
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,737
Thank you.
242
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,372
Oh, it's just gluten, Maxine.
243
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,250
Yeah, Maxine, relax.
244
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,957
CYNTHIA:
Oh, Bobby?
245
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,127
You got an eyelash.
246
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,297
Close your eye, let
me get that for you.
247
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,545
All right, I got it.
248
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,377
Go ahead, make a wish.
249
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:38,103
Well, Mama, I wish you had
the foresight to see the snakes
250
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:41,266
in the grass...
Just blow the lash!
251
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,476
Okay, I'm gonna get
the rest of y'all's pie.
252
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,817
What the hell was that?
That wasn't normal.
253
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:53,106
I got to admit, all right,
this just feels wrong.
254
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,071
Now it just feels like
we're conspiring against Mom.
255
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,821
I never noticed
how nice she was.
256
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,163
Has she always been this nice?
257
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,948
Yes. Mom is
an angel, Jerrod.
258
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:05,123
Jerrod, I made you
some chocolate cake.
259
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:09,173
I know you don't like
blackberry pie.
260
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,919
Ma, you didn't even
know I was coming.
261
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:15,841
Well, if you stay ready
you don't have to get ready.
262
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,182
Oh, man.
263
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:22,018
Ma... I'm‐I'm so sorry.
264
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,465
H‐Hey, hey, do we have
any more of that, uh,
265
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,144
the whipped cream that we got?
266
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,813
Yeah, I think so.
Well, let's go get it.
267
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,981
Go get... oh.
Ah.
268
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,860
♪ I got the world on a string ♪
269
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,279
♪ Sittin' on a rainbow... ♪
270
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,317
Get out now!
271
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,991
♪ Got this string
upon my finger ♪
272
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:43,291
JOE AND CYNTHIA:
♪ What a world, what a life ♪
273
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:48,076
♪ I'm in love. ♪
274
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,889
(sighs)
You got up early.
275
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,389
Couldn't sleep?
276
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,560
No. I'm all messed up.
277
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,059
Every time I close my eyes,
278
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,362
I just keep seeing
my dead dad in a casket
279
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,526
with my mom
standing over him, crying.
280
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,395
And then Morris comes up to her
281
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,032
and introduces himself
as my dad's firstborn son.
282
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:23,370
And then my mom looks me
283
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,248
square in the eyes,
with tears in hers,
284
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,455
and she says,
"I thought you loved me."
285
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,416
Then she takes out a gun
and shoots herself in the head
286
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:37,548
and she falls on top of
my father's cold, dead corpse.
287
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,758
But what about you?
You sleep okay?
288
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,600
No, I had the same dream,
289
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,425
but when your mom pulled out
the gun, she shot me.
290
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,851
(knocking at door)
291
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,438
Hey, Maxine.
292
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,491
Hi, Joe.
293
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,945
Well, I can't stand here and
talk to you 'cause I got a...
294
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,778
Crohn's flare‐up.
295
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,124
Stop lying, Maxine.
296
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,660
You don't have
Crohn's disease.
297
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,174
What's up, Dad?
298
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,955
Rough night.
299
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,959
Yeah, it was for me, too.
300
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,301
Now, be honest with me, son.
301
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,257
Watching me lie to your mother
all these years
302
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,127
really messed you up, didn't it?
303
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,644
No, actually, I think it's given
me a healthy amount of cynicism
304
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,387
that's protected me
my entire life.
305
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:27,559
It‐It taught me
306
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,307
to question everything
and to accept people's flaws.
307
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,810
If anything, watching you
lie to Mom all these years
308
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,612
did more to help raise me
309
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,775
than any good parenting
you tried to do, so...
310
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,605
Thanks, Dad.
311
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,321
I can't keep doing this.
312
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,321
I can't keep asking
the whole family to lie
313
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,663
every time they see her.
314
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,488
I mean, ruining
you was one thing,
315
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,713
but Bobby and Maxine,
they don't deserve this.
316
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,205
Yeah, you're right.
317
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,956
They are good people.
318
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:57,298
Yeah, you know what,
I thought about this
319
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,665
and I'm gonna tell
your mama everything.
320
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,342
Really? Are you
really gonna do it?
321
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,680
Yeah.
322
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,925
I should've done this
a long time ago,
323
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,847
but thanks for, you know,
always being there for me.
324
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,678
You mean...
325
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,813
lying to Mom about your
bastard son for 20 years?
326
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,322
Yeah, being there.
327
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,816
Hey, Dad.
328
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,357
If Mom does leave you,
329
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,530
I don't want you
to think for one second
330
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,359
that I'm gonna spend
a single Christmas with you
331
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,874
in your lonely
studio apartment, okay?
332
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,947
I‐I just want to put that out
there, but, uh, good luck, man.
333
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:36,544
You are one cold
son of a bitch.
334
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,632
But that's on me.
335
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,888
Cynthia.
Joe!
336
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,847
I got those seedless
tangerines you like.
337
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,848
The ones with seeds,
they were cheaper,
338
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,390
but I got the ones you like.
339
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,563
Cynthia, we need to talk.
340
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,862
What's going on, Joe?
341
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,396
I need you to sit down.
342
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,359
Why?
343
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,741
Joe, you scaring me.
344
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,487
Please, just sit down.
345
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:14,124
Now, I'm gonna
tell you something,
346
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,082
but I'm‐I'm just nervous that
it's gonna change everything.
347
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,252
Well, hold on,
before you say it,
348
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,051
is it something that
I absolutely need to know?
349
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,585
Because things are
so nice now, Joe.
350
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,929
We got those
seedless tangerines.
351
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,926
You need to know this.
352
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,768
Now, you know, I've been wanting
to tell you for a while,
353
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,595
but every time I tried,
I just, I got so scared
354
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,521
'cause I‐I thought it would
ruin everything and‐and...
355
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,611
Well, shoot, I was just
so stupid back then,
356
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,937
just young and stupid.
357
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,953
And, well...
358
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,736
(groans)
359
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:53,739
I guess I'm just making
more excuses for myself.
360
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,834
Joe, I‐I don't like
the way that it sound.
361
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,671
And I don't even want
to know what this is about.
362
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,127
You know, I'm gonna go ahead
and make us some lunch. Cynthia.
363
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,588
Joe.
I have a son.
364
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:07,799
He was born a year
before we got married.
365
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,470
Now, I‐I‐I know I should've
told you from the beginning,
366
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,639
but I didn't know how
you would react and...
367
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,769
Cynthia, I am sorry.
368
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,596
I know you got
questions for me.
369
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,982
No.
370
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,649
I don't have
any questions.
371
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,767
I don't want
to know anything.
372
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,444
What do you want
for lunch, Joe?
373
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,824
Cynthia.
374
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,821
Don't! Don't come
near me, Joe.
375
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,124
No!
376
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:37,158
You are not the one
to comfort me, not...
377
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,963
not when you're
the one that did this.
378
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,133
(crying):
What do you want for lunch?
379
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,671
I know we can
get through this.
380
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,014
All I need you to
do is just tell me
381
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,350
what‐what I can do
to make things better.
382
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,136
Joe, do you want mustard
on your sandwich?
383
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,600
Cynthia.
384
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,518
Mustard. Well, Joe?
385
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,110
You want mustard
on your sandwich?
386
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,859
Mustard, Joe. Yes or no?
387
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,529
Yes or no?
388
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,028
Yes.
389
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,447
(quietly):
Okay.
390
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,075
Here it is, Joe.
391
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,210
Go ahead and eat your sandwich.
392
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,537
Cynthia, what are you doing?
393
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,052
(crying): I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
394
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:30,545
I'm doing what you did
to our whole marriage,
395
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,890
pretending that everything
is normal when it isn't.
396
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,847
Joe, I don't even know
who you are.
397
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,888
I mean, you're not the man
I thought you were.
398
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,563
My best friend would never
do this to me.
399
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,694
Cynthia, I'm sorry.
400
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,730
(crying):
No, j‐just...
401
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,193
just go, Joe, go.
402
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,074
Get out.
403
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,202
(crying)
404
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,721
Daddy, I'm putting
my foot down.
405
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:11,915
You got to tell Mom.
406
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,094
It's the right thing to do
407
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,722
and I'm not leaving
till you tell her.
408
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,099
I just told her.
409
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,055
She's crying in the kitchen.
410
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:37,118
Oh! Cynthia?!
411
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,576
I'm ready
to talk now, Joe.
412
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:45,247
Okay, 'cause I thought for
a minute you were gonna kill me.
413
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,794
Good.
414
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,134
Think that.
415
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,131
You've made me
that woman, Joe,
416
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,974
that woman that everybody
pities and whispers about
417
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,641
when she walks
through the grocery store.
418
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,772
I don't know how
to be that woman.
419
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:09,980
I'm always the woman
who's doing the whispering.
420
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,992
Cynthia, I am so sorry.
421
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:17,065
And... anything you need,
you just tell me.
422
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,169
What's his name?
423
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,287
Morris.
424
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,921
That's a terrible name.
425
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,700
What do you think Mom
and Dad got to tell us?
426
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,199
I'm worried that they're
getting a divorce.
427
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,501
This is a bad‐news
restaurant.
428
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,416
Well, my parents told me
they were getting divorced
429
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,205
at TGI Fridays 'cause
they knew no one would notice
430
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,498
if I made a scene.
431
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,381
Did you?
432
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,048
Oh, big time.
433
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,217
Hey, kids.
434
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,335
Hey, Mom and Dad.
Oh, there...
435
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,381
there they are, looking good.
436
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,554
Mom and Dad.
Lovebirds.
437
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,722
Mom and...
Knock it off.
438
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:29,061
Listen, everybody,
we're gonna get through this.
439
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,361
Just because your father
lied to me for 35 years,
440
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,026
it does not make him
a bad man.
441
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,855
It makes him a flawed man
442
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:40,071
who will probably have
difficulty getting into heaven,
443
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,912
but that is not
my burden to carry.
444
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,868
Well, I'm gonna deal with that
when I get there.
445
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:47,749
I can be very persuasive.
446
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,287
So, how are we
gonna handle this?
447
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,081
Gonna joke about it?
448
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,004
Sweep it under the rug?
449
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,263
Just let me know, I don't have
strong feelings either way.
450
00:20:56,255 --> 00:21:00,085
No, we're gonna be
very honest, very open.
451
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:03,102
I mean, all families
have things to deal with.
452
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:07,425
You know, my husband
has a son that isn't mine.
453
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:10,273
So, there it is.
454
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,559
Know who you're sitting with.
455
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,233
We love each other,
we're a strong family
456
00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,282
and we're gonna
get through this.
457
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,776
She slept with my brother
and we're still together.
458
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:26,789
Okay. Well...
459
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,976
let's eat.
460
00:21:28,026 --> 00:21:32,576
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