Original subtitles

>> PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...

>> YOU EVER SCREWED ON NITROUS?

>> IT'S DANGEROUS.

>> YOU CAN TRUST ME.

I'M AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.

>> YOU TWO SOME SORT OF COUPLE

NOW?

>> THEY OFFERED ME A DEAL AT

PENETRATE.

>> TO DO PORN?

>> WE JUST HAD TO SNATCH HER UP.

>> HOW'S MY BABY DOING?

>> THE TUMOR HAS SPREAD TO THE

SUPRACLAVICULAR LYMPH NODES.

>> GIVE ME A BALLPARK.

>> 6 MONTHS.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME.

>> TELL US WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF, MS. BLAYLOCK.

[MS. BLAYLOCK SIGHS]

ME FIRST, I GUESS.

>> WHAT IS THAT?

SOMETHING BITE YOU?

>> YEAH. MY BAD.

>> YOU DID THAT?

>> I WAS TRYING TO MATCH THE ONE

SHE GAVE ME.

>> THAT'S A GOOD THING YOU HAD

ITALIAN FOR LUNCH.

THAT GARLIC BREATH MIGHT BE THE

ONLY THING THAT SAVES US.

>> THAT'S HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT.

WE LOVE GARLIC AS MUCH AS ANYONE

ELSE.

>> THE SUN DOESN'T MELT US.

WE DON'T GET BURNED BY HOLY

WATER.

AND LOOKING AT CROSSES IS NO BIG

DEAL.

>> SO, YOU'RE VAMPIRES. OK.

>> IF YOU HAVE TO LABEL US, WE

PREFER TO BE CALLED SANGS, NOT

VAMPIRES.

>> AND YOU ACTUALLY DRINK EACH

OTHER'S BLOOD?

>> WE HAVE ROUTINE BLOOD WORK

DONE, SO WE KNOW WE'RE NOT

SHARING ANY DISEASES.

WE JUST PIERCE THE SKIN AND

OFFER EACH OTHER A TASTE.

>> IT'S OUR INTIMACY,

SHARING THIS MOST SACRED OF

BODILY FLUIDS.

BUT LAST WEEK, WE TOOK IT TOO

FAR.

>> I'LL SAY.

YOU REALIZE HOW CLOSE YOU GOT TO

HER ARTERY?

>> I HIT IT. BY MISTAKE.

[PANTING]

>> TAKE ME.

>> THE PARAMEDICS HAD TO COME.

THE VASCULAR SURGEONS STOPPED

THE BLEEDING, BUT THE E.R.

DOCS DID A HORRIBLE JOB SUTURING

THE SKIN.

IT TOOK ME ALMOST LOSING HER TO

REALIZE THAT WE'D GONE TOO FAR

WITH THE BLOOD LUST.

LIKE ADDICTS.

OUR BEHAVIOR'S BECOME DANGEROUS

AND WE NEED TO STOP IT.

>> SO, YOU'RE OFF THE BLOOD?

CONGRATS.

>> SNEER IF YOU LIKE, DOCTOR.

BUT THE RESTORATIVE POWERS OF

BLOOD CAN BE KIND OF ADDICTING,

YOU KNOW?

YOU GET THIS IMMEDIATE RUSH.

YOUR COLOR CHANGES.

IT CAN RESTORE YOUR HEART, YOUR

LIVER, KIDNEYS.

>> WE'RE FAMILIAR WITH THE

EFFECTS OF TRANSFUSION.

>> WE WERE JUST HOPING TO

PRESERVE OURSELVES,

TO STAY YOUNG

AND VITAL AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

>> AS PLASTIC SURGEONS, YOU

SHOULD RELATE.

THE IDEA OF CHASING IMMORTALITY

IS SOMETHING YOU MAKE A KILLING

OFF OF.

>> * AHH *

* MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL *

* MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE *

[FLASHING LIGHTS BY KANYE WEST

PLAYING]

>> * FLASHING

LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,

FLASHING

LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,

FLASHING

LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,

FLASHING

LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS *

>> * SHE DON'T BELIEVE

IN SHOOTIN' STARS,

BUT SHE BELIEVE

IN SHOES AND CARS,

WOOD FLOORS

IN THE NEW APARTMENT,

COUTURE FROM

THE STORE'S DEPARTMENT,

YOU MORE LIKE

LOVE TO START SHIT,

I'M MORE OF THE

TRIPS TO FLORIDA

ORDER THE HOR D'OEUVRES,

VIEWS OF THE WATER

STRAIGHT FROM THE PAGE

OF YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR,

AND THE WEATHER SO BREEZY,

MAN, WHY CAN'T LIFE

ALWAYS BE THIS EASY?

SHE IN THE MIRROR

DANCING SO SLEAZY,

I GET A CALL

LIKE WHERE ARE YOU, YEEZY... *

>> HEY.

IT'S, UH, 9:00.

WHERE ARE YOU?

>> * ... AS I RECALL,

I KNOW YOU LOVE

TO SHOW OFF... *

>> OHH, THERE'S MY LITTLE HONEY

BUNNY.

MWAH!

AWW.

>> SORRY I'M LATE, DARLING.

I WAS ON A WINNIN' STREAK.

JUST COULDN'T TEAR MYSELF AWAY.

AND DON'T GET STARTED ON HOW I

HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM.

NO, IT ISN'T A PROBLEM UNLESS

YOU LOSE.

AND TONIGHT, BABY, I WON BIG.

>> AH, YOU AND THIS LITTLE LADY.

AND SHE DECIDED TO SPEND HER

WINNINGS BY GETTING RID OF HER

SADDLEBAGS.

WALKED RIGHT IN HERE AFTER

HITTING THE JACKPOT.

>> YOU ARE A GENIUS.

YOU KNOW THAT, HARLAND?

I MEAN, WHERE ELSE BUT IN VEGAS

CAN YOU GET YOUR THIGHS SUCKED

AT 9:00 AT NIGHT?

>> HEY, SUGAR, I THINK THAT WAS

YOUR IDEA.

[TEDDY GIGGLES]

>> AND IT WAS A GOOD ONE.

WHEN IN ROME.

I MEAN, IF 2 PEOPLE CAN GET

MARRIED IN AN ELVIS CHAPEL AT

4:00 IN THE MORNING--

[HARLAND LAUGHS]

[TEDDY SQUEALS]

>> CONGRATULATIONS, DIXIE.

VERY EXCITING.

>> I KNOW.

>> NOW, SUGAR, HOW'S YOUR AUNT

DOING?

>> THE DOCTORS SAY IT WON'T BE

LONG NOW.

>> HMM.

YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, DIXIE.

THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.

I JUST HOPE SHE APPRECIATES YOUR

VISITS.

NOW, LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE

ROAD.

THE SOONER WE PLAY DOCTOR, THE

SOONER WE CAN PLAY DOCTOR.

[TEDDY GIGGLES]

>> * ... FLASHING

LIGHTS, LIGHTS,

LIGHTS, LIGHTS *

>> [MOANING]

>> AHH.

[KISSING LOUDLY]

>> WHAT?

>> WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

SHE WANTS TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

HE'S ALL NERVOUS ABOUT HURTING

YOUR FEELINGS, BUT ME?

I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.

[SIGHS]

YOU'RE A RELIC AND WE WANT YOU

OUT OF OUR BED.

>> SHUT UP, YOU STUPID SKANK.

>> HEY, NO DRAMA IN HERE.

LOOK.

EDEN AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING

THIS OVER.

TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE.

TALKING ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.

THE BOTTOM LINE, BABY--THIS IS

NOT WORKING OUT.

>> YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?

>> YES.

>> OH. LET ME GUESS WHY.

[EDEN SCOFFS]

>> 'CAUSE YOUR FACE IS LIKE AN

OLD PURSE FROM ALL THAT HORRIBLE

TANNING BOOTH DAMAGE, YOUR HAIR

IS LIKE THE HAY I FEED MY HORSE,

AND YOUR KNEES KIND OR RESEMBLE

A CIRCUS ELEPHANT.

I SHOULD BE FEEDING YOU PEANUTS.

>> WAIT TILL YOU TURN 30,

HORSEFACE.

THEY'LL BE PUTTING YOU ON A

TRAIN RIGHT TO THE GLUE FACTORY.

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

CHRISTIAN TROY, MY EX, WHO

HAPPENS TO BE THE BEST PLASTIC

SURGEON IN THE CITY, TOLD ME 2

WEEKS AGO HE COULDN'T FIND ONE

THING THAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT ON

ME. IN FACT, I WAS PROBABLY THE

MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN, PERFECT

WOMAN, THAT HE HAS EVER SEEN FOR

HER AGE.

>> FOR. HER. AGE.

>> ECCH. RAM.

>> YOU GOTTA GET REALISTIC HERE.

KIMMY, THERE DOES COME A TIME

WHEN THERE'S NO MORE PROCEDURES,

NO MORE PLASTIC SURGERY.

YOUTH GOES AWAY.

AND WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO

KEEP AHOLD OF IT AS MUCH AS YOU

HAVE, IT'S NO LONGER SEXY.

IT'S JUST DESPERATE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'VE JUST DONE ME A BIG FAVOR.

I AM A SYMBOL OF SENSUALITY,

GLAMOUR, AND POWER, AND I HAVE

BEEN WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU

TWO LOW-RENT, SCUMBAG ASSHOLES.

I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, RAM.

I WILL SURVIVE.

NO, IN FACT, I AM GOING TO

THRIVE WITHOUT YOU.

THE LEGEND OF KIMBER HENRY WILL

LIVE FOREVER.

>> WE HAVE TO DO A LITTLE MUSCLE

REPAIR, RESECT THE SKIN HERE AND

HERE.

>> OHH.

>> YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> OHH.

>> HERE, BABE.

HAVE SOME.

>> I'M AFRAID TO ASK.

WHAT IS THAT STUFF?

>> OH!

WHAT IS THIS SHIT, LEGEND?

>> IT'S GOT ALL THE VEGETABLES

AND MINERALS WE NEED.

>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GIVING ME

THE BLOOD FROM A STEAK OR

SOMETHING.

>> WE ARE WEANING OURSELVES OFF,

REMEMBER?

[SIGHS]

>> I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING

THESE ANYMORE.

>> BIOWASTE.

I'LL DISPOSE OF THEM.

WHAT ABOUT YOURS?

MUST BE A BITCH TO FLOSS.

>> MINE ARE THE REAL THING.

DENTIST HAS TO FILE THEM DOWN

NEXT WEEK.

>> WELL, IF THERE ARE NO MORE

QUESTIONS, UH, DR. McNAMARA WILL

SEE YOU IN SURGERY.

>> YOU'RE COOL.

MOST PEOPLE GET OFF ON JUDGING

US.

>> LIVE AND LET LIVE.

>> EMPHASIS ON "LIVE."

YOU ONLY GO AROUND ONCE.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[HISSING]

>> I'VE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO

LIVE FOREVER.

>> CRYOGENICS?

>> I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP.

[MACHINES BEEPING]

WHEN YOU SEE THAT I'M CLOSE, YOU

HAVE TO CALL THE CRYOGENICS

COMPANY.

ANY TIME, 24/7.

BUT YOU HAVE TO TIME IT RIGHT,

SEAN.

I'M COUNTING ON YOU.

>> HE'S READY.

[MACHINE BEEPING CONTINUOUSLY]

THE STANDBY TEAM WILL COME TO

THE HOUSE, PACK ME IN ICE TO

PREVENT ISCHEMIC DAMAGE, AND

TRANSPORT ME TO A STORAGE

LOCATION.

THEY'LL PREPARE ME, THEN PLACE

ME IN MY CRYOSTAT.

THE LIQUID NITROGEN WILL FREEZE

MY BODY AND PUT ME IN A STATE OF

SUSPENDED ANIMATION.

MY CELLS, STILL RICH WITH

OXYGEN.

MY CANCER WILL BE FROZEN, UNABLE

TO MULTIPLY.

[LIZ LAUGHING]

>> A TROYSICLE!

>> I TELL YOU WHAT.

IS JABBA THE HUT GONNA HANG YOU

ON HIS WALL?

[LAUGHING]

>> I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT ALL THE

ADVANCEMENTS THEY'VE MADE IN

CANCER RESEARCH IN THE PAST

10 YEARS.

I MEAN, 10, 20 YEARS FROM NOW,

THEY'LL HAVE GOT A CURE.

>> AND THEN WHAT?

>> AND THEN THEY'LL REVIVE ME.

[GASPS]

MAKE ME HEALTHY AGAIN.

>> DAD?

>> I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE WILBER GO

TO COLLEGE.

I'LL BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH MATT'S

KIDS.

OUR GRANDCHILDREN.

>> THIS IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T

HELPED ME WITH THE WEDDING?

CHRISTIAN.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE AFRAID

OF DYING.

WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF YOU DYING

AND WHAT LIFE IS GOING TO BE

WITHOUT YOU, BUT IS THERE ANY

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT THIS

PROCEDURE WORKS?

>> AND WHAT EFFECT DO YOU THINK

LIQUID NITROGEN AT A TEMPERATURE

CLOSE TO ABSOLUTE ZERO IS GONNA

HAVE ON YOUR SKIN?

>> HOW MUCH IS ALL THIS GOING TO

COST?

[CHRISTIAN SCOFFS]

>> THERE'S A $200,000 INITIATION

FEE AND IT'S 5 GRAND A MONTH

AFTER THAT.

>> JESUS.

>> OH, WHAT?

YOU GOT ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS

OF HOW I SHOULD SPEND MY MONEY?

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE LEAVE IT TO THE PEOPLE WHO

ARE GONNA STILL BE ALIVE?

>> YOU ARE SUCH A SPOILED LITTLE

DICK.

IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?

MY MONEY?

>> NO, CHRISTIAN.

>> I MEAN, NO, THAT'S FINE.

TAKE IT.

HERE YOU GO.

HERE'S 20. ANOTHER ONE.

HERE YOU GO. TAKE THAT.

HAVE IT.

TAKE IT ALL. HERE YOU GO.

WOW, LOOK AT ALL THIS MONEY YOU

CAN HAVE.

IS THIS ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOU?

YOU LITTLE DICK!

>> LOOK.

>> TAKE IT ALL.

>> IT'S AMAZING, MAN.

EVEN DYING DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY

LESS OF AN ASSHOLE.

BUT IT'S GOOD.

[SEAN SIGHS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CHRISTIAN SNIFFS]

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> I'M MEETING WITH AN ICE

SCULPTOR.

SEAN, WOULD YOU PLEASE TALK HIM

OUT OF THIS?

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> YOU KNOW, ANY TIME YOU SPEND

SEARCHING FOR IMMORTALITY, YOU

MISS OUT ON A LITTLE BIT YOU

ACTUALLY HAVE LEFT.

>> JUST COME TO THE PLACE AND

SEE IT WITH ME.

[SEAN SIGHS]

[MACHINES BEEPING]

>> SORRY I'M LATE.

NO EXCUSES.

JUST SORRY.

>> AT LEAST YOU'RE CONSISTENT.

OK.

IF YOU'RE READY?

>> YEAH.

>> HIT IT, LINDA.

[MY VAMPIRE BY SINEAD O'CONNER

PLAYING]

>> * MY VAMPIRE,

MY VAMPIRE'S

FINE *

>> MY VAMPIRE,

MY VAMPIRE'S

OK,

OH, NO,

IT'S ALL A MESS,

DON'T KNOW IF

I SHOULD UNDRESS

THE WOUNDS YOU

WANT TO CARESS,

I MADE IT

TO THE OTHER SIDE,

NOW I

DON'T HURT NO MORE

AND YOU TRY

KNOCK DOWN THAT DOOR,

YOU SHOULD HAVE

BEEN THERE BEFORE,

I MADE IT

TO THE OTHER SIDE *

[SEAN SIGHS]

>> LOOK, SEAN, I KNOW THAT

YOU'RE MAD AT--

>> LOOK, IF YOU WANT OUT, JUST

SAY IT. YOU KNOW?

DON'T MAKE ME WAIT FOR YOU WITH

A WOK FULL OF BURNT STIR FRY AND

HALF-LIT CANDLES.

DON'T MAKE ME FEEL MORE LIKE A

FOOL THAN I ALREADY DO.

>> MY NOT SHOWING UP IS NOT A

COMMENT ON THE EVENING'S

ENTERTAINMENT.

MY AUNT DIED.

WE WERE CLOSE.

>> DID YOUR CELL PHONE DIE ALONG

WITH HER?

>> I AM SORRY IF MY FIRST

THOUGHT WASN'T ABOUT YOU, SEAN.

IT'S BEEN OVERWHELMING.

I HAD TO FLY TO HOUSTON AND

IDENTIFY THE BODY, MAKE FUNERAL

ARRANGEMENTS.

I'VE BEEN A WRECK.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> I'M SORRY, TOO.

WHY DON'T WE TRY IT AGAIN

TONIGHT?

I'LL MAKE YOU ONE OF HER FAMOUS

DISHES

AND YOU CAN BE DESSERT.

>> HELLO.

>> [INDISTINCT]

>> HI.

>> COULD YOU PUT HER IN THE

PLAYPEN, PLEASE, AND GIVE ME A

HAND?

>> UH, YEAH.

HEY, BEAUTIFUL.

UM, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT MY DAY TO

WATCH HER, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

WELL, I'M NOT DROPPING HER OFF

FOR YOU TO WATCH HER.

SHE'S GONNA MOVE IN WITH YOU,

BUT JUST FOR, LIKE, 2 WEEKS, OK?

AND I HAVE HER HIGH CHAIR IN THE

CAR, SO WILL YOU COME GET IT?

>> UM, WAIT A MINUTE.

HEH. UM, M-MOVE IN?

>> YEAH.

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER.

>> WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.

LOOK.

YOU--YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE IN

HERE AND EXPECT ME TO DROP

EVERYTHING.

>> MATT, PLEASE.

[KIMBER SIGHS]

RAM KICKED ME OUT, OK?

SO, I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE

AND I NEED TO FIND AN APARTMENT,

AND THE GOOD ONES, THEY DON'T

LIKE IT WHEN YOU BRING THE

LITTLE SQUEALER.

>> HE REALLY KICK YOU OUT?

[KIMBER SIGHS]

>> HE SAID I WAS TOO OLD.

DO YOU THINK I LOOK TOO OLD?

>> I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN BEAUTIFUL TO

ME.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE GET A PLACE

TOGETHER?

THE 3 OF US, LIKE A FAMILY.

>> MATT, ARE YOU ON METH AGAIN?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ACTING HIGH.

COME ON.

>> HEY.

>> WHAT?

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO

LIVE, YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE A

LIFE OR A FUTURE?

>> OH!

>> NOW, WILL YOU GO GET HER HIGH

CHAIR?

>> NO, I CAN'T GO GET HER HIGH

CHAIR.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, KIMBER?

JENNA CAN'T STAY HERE.

>> WHY?

>> CHRISTIAN'S GETTING MARRIED.

THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS

HAPPENING.

>> W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

CHRISTIAN'S GETTING MARRIED?

TO WHO?

>> TO LIZ.

>> DYKE LIZ? OK.

YOU'RE HIGH.

>> THE INVITATION'S ON THE

COUNTER IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A

LOOK.

>> LIZ AND CHRISTIAN? WHY?

>> HE'S DYING, KIMBER.

THE CANCER CAME BACK.

HE'S GOT MAYBE 6 MONTHS.

YOU KNOW, LIZ HAS REALLY BEEN

THERE AND SHE WANTS TO TAKE CARE

OF HIM, YOU KNOW?

BEFORE HE, UH...

>> SO, HE'S REALLY DYING?

>> THE MAIN DIFFERENCE IN TEXAS

CHILI IS THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE

BEANS.

>> OH, JESUS.

[TEDDY LAUGHS]

I'M ON FIRE!

>> OH!

AUNT DOT ALWAYS SAID THAT IT WAS

ALWAYS ABOUT THE CHILI PEPPER.

>> OH, MAYBE THAT'S WHAT KILLED

HER.

UM.

SORRY. I--THAT WAS PRETTY--

>> FUNNY.

FUNNY.

ACTUALLY.

MY AUNT HAD SUCH A GREAT SENSE

OF HUMOR.

SHE ACCEPTED THAT NO MAN WAS

EVER GOING TO BE THERE FOR HER,

SO SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WOULD BE

THERE FOR HERSELF.

[TEDDY SIGHS]

AND THAT BEING ALONE DIDN'T MEAN

BEING LONELY AND MISERABLE, AND

THAT NO MAN WAS EVER GOING TO

HURT HER OR TAKE AWAY HER SPIRIT

EVER AGAIN.

AHEM.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO CALL LIZ AND

TELL HER THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT TO

THE WEDDING BECAUSE IT'S THE

SAME DAY AS THE FUNERAL.

>> YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH YOU?

>> NO, SEAN.

CHRISTIAN IS YOUR BEST FRIEND

AND HE NEEDS YOU.

LIFE TRUMPS DEATH EVERY TIME,

RIGHT?

>> RIGHT.

YOU CAN BE VULNERABLE WITH ME.

HMM? COME HERE.

>> THANK YOU.

[TEDDY SNIFFS]

I APPRECIATE THAT, BUT RIGHT

NOW, I DO NOT WANT TO BRING US

DOWN.

I WANT TO BRING US UP.

>> HMM.

>> HMM.

[BOTH MOANING]

>> HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

[PANTING]

[INHALING]

OH, MY GOD.

[TEDDY GIGGLES]

>> DO YOU NEED THAT TO GET OFF

WITH ME?

HUH?

>> NO.

IT JUST HEIGHTENS THE ORGASM.

[PANTING]

>> WHAT?

>> I JUST THINK IT'S A LITTLE

DANGEROUS.

>> I AM AN EXPERT IN N2O's

ANESTHETIC EFFECTS.

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

>> DO YOU?

>> YOU HAVE YOUR 2 GLASSES OF

WINE TO GET HIGH.

AND I HAVE THIS.

[TEDDY SIGHS]

[TEDDY MOANS]

[TEDDY GIGGLES]

[TEDDY SIGHS]

>> WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE?

>> THERE'S NO PAIN.

IT'S PURE ESCAPE.

THERE'S NO PEER PRESSURE HERE,

SEAN.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE

ANYTHING.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I ACCEPT

THAT.

JUST LIKE I HOPE YOU ACCEPT ME.

[LAUGHS]

OH! OH! OH!

[LAUGHS]

>> I'D ONLY EAT HALF OF THAT IF

YOU WANT TO FIT INTO YOUR

WEDDING DRESS.

IT'S AN OLD MODELING TRICK OF

MINE.

>> MY GOWN IS CUSTOM MADE.

AND I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WEAR

ANY CLOTHES IN MOST OF YOUR

MODELING.

>> YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEARD ABOUT

CHRISTIAN'S UPCOMING WEDDING TO

YOU, I STARTED TO FEEL A BIT

NOSTALGIC.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY

FIRST SURGERY IN MIAMI?

YOU WARNED ME ABOUT CHRISTIAN.

YOU TOLD ME HE WAS NO GOOD AND I

WAS JUST ONE IN A LONG LINE OF

GIRLS HE HAD SCREWED AND SCREWED

OVER.

>> WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

>> MY POINT IS, YOU WERE WRONG

ABOUT HIM AND I THEN AND YOU'RE

WRONG ABOUT US NOW.

HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, LIZ.

I MEAN, I'M SURE HE LOVES THE

IDEA OF YOU PLAYING NURSEMAID,

BUT HMM.

I'M THE ONE HE REALLY LOVES.

>> YOU ARE SO PATHETIC.

>> WHO'S PATHETIC?

THE WOMAN WHO'S MARRYING A MAN

BECAUSE HE'S DYING OR THE ONE HE

CLOSES HIS EYES AND THINKS ABOUT

WHILE HE'S SCREWING YOU?

WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.

[SIGHS]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY HIM,

LIZ.

I WILL.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

>> CHRISTIAN IS GONNA BE 100

POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS, AND HE'S

GONNA NEED SOMEBODY TO WIPE HIS

ASS.

NOW, I'M SURE YOU'RE A WIZARD AT

ORAL SEX, BUT DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE UP TO THAT?

>> YES!

THIS IS MY CHANCE TO REDEEM

MYSELF WITH HIM.

I LOVE HIM, LIZ.

I ALWAYS HAVE AND I ALWAYS WILL.

>> AW.

I'M ON TO YOU, SWEETIE.

MATT TOLD ME ABOUT EDEN AND THE

PANDERER WHO THREW YOU OUT ON

YOUR BLEACHED LITTLE ASS.

YOU DON'T WANT CHRISTIAN.

YOU WANT THE WARM EMBRACE OF HIS

WALLET.

ARE YOU SO VAPID, ARE YOU SO

UNABLE TO MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN

THAT YOU WOULD SINK YOUR FANGS

INTO A DYING MAN?

WELL, I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU

SUCK ONE MORE DROP OF BLOOD FROM

HIM.

>> THIS ISN'T OVER, BUTCH.

>> OHH.

IF YOU COME NEAR ME OR MY

FIANCE, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU JUST

HOW BUTCH I CAN GET.

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> DR. TROY, ARE YOU READY TO

SEE YOUR FUTURE?

>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BIGGER.

>> WELL, THE HARDWARE IS STILL

EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, AND THOUGH

YOU AND I AGREE THAT THIS IS THE

TICKET TO EXTENDING LIFE, THE

CLIENTELE WITH THE FORETHOUGHT

AND FINANCIAL WHEREWITHAL IS

LIMITED.

NOW, DOCTOR, HERE'S YOUR PORTAL.

THE AZ-6294.

IT'S ONE OF OUR NEWEST.

>> CHRISTIAN, UH, YOU MIGHT WANT

TO SEE THIS.

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

>> THERE'S AN OLD JEWISH GUY IN

MY TANK.

>> YES, THERE'S SOMEONE IN EVERY

TANK.

WE'RE AT FULL CAPACITY.

DR. TROY, MEET HERB SCHLANSKY.

HE'S YOUR ETERNITY ROOMMATE.

>> NO.

I--I WANT MY OWN TANK.

I--I'LL PAY MORE.

I MEAN, DON'T YOU HAVE LIKE A

ONE BEDROOM OR SOMETHING?

>> NO. NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S--THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

AS I SAID, WE'RE AT FULL

CAPACITY.

>> THERE WAS NOTHING IN YOUR

LITERATURE ABOUT SHARING A TANK.

I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FIND A CURE

FOR THIS GUY FIRST AND THEY HAVE

TO THAW HIM.

HOW DO THEY KEEP ME FROZEN?

>> I'M--I'M SURE WE'LL FIGURE

SOMETHING OUT.

>> AHEM.

I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT WITH YOU

AS A ROOMMATE.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

>> YOU'RE SCARED.

YOU'RE REACHING OUT FOR SOME

PHANTOM HAND TO KEEP YOU FROM

FALLING INTO THE ABYSS.

IT'S NORMAL.

IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY

DIFFERENCE.

>> SEAN, I'VE LIVED MY LIFE LIKE

I'VE HAD SOME KIND OF DEATH

WISH. YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, DRUG ABUSE, UNSAFE SEX.

I DRINK VODKA LIKE IT'S WATER.

IF I COULD FIT INTO A TAILORED

GUCCI SUIT WITHOUT WORKING OUT,

I'D NEVER STEP INSIDE A GYM.

[SEAN SNORTS]

>> AND NOW?

>> NOW...

I DON'T WANT TO GO YET.

[WEEPING QUIETLY]

>> HEY.

COME HERE.

CHRISTIAN, ALL YOU NEED TO

UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW IS THAT

YOU'RE NEVER REALLY GOING TO

DIE.

AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF OUR

PRACTICE THAT WE'VE BUILT UP OR

A SON WE RAISED.

IT'S THE STORIES.

[LAUGHS]

RIGHT?

I'M GONNA BE TELLING CHRISTIAN

TROY STORIES FOR DECADES.

YOU'LL LIVE ON FOREVER THROUGH

ME.

NOW, COME ON. BUY ME LUNCH.

>> NO, I GOTTA--

[SNIFFS]

I GOTTA HEAD BACK TO THE OFFICE

AND START WRITING MY VOWS.

>> [THINKING] "I'VE DONE A LOT

OF THINGS I'M NOT PROUD OF IN MY

LIFE, BUT PROPOSING TO YOU ISN'T

ONE OF THEM."

[OUT LOUD] OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

[SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[BEEP]

>> HEY.

>> HEY. YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT

HERE.

>> LISTEN TO THIS GIBRAN POEM.

I THINK I'M GONNA USE IT.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

OK.

"LOVE ONE ANOTHER

MAKE NOT A BOND OF LOVE--"

>> LIZZIE, HONEY, SURPRISE ME,

OK?

I'M THE ONE WHO NEEDS THE HELP

HERE. THIS IS NOT MY THING.

WRITING WEDDING VOWS.

>> OK.

LOOK, JUST MAKE IT SIMPLE AND

HEARTFELT.

YOU KNOW?

JUST ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE.

THAT'S ALL YOU NEED.

>> OK.

[KEYS CLACKING]

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[RUSTLING]

[BOTH MOANING]

[MOANING CONTINUES]

>> WE COULDN'T HELP OURSELVES.

[CHRISTIAN SCOFFS]

>> ON THE CONTRARY.

YOU HELPED YOURSELVES AND THEN

SOME.

>> IT'S LIKE WE'RE DYING.

LIKE...

WE'RE CORPSES WITHOUT THE BLOOD.

>> I GET IT, I GET IT.

YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER.

>> ARE YOU GOING TO REPORT US?

>> NOPE.

LAST CALL, THOUGH.

ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, THEN GET

YOUR SCARY ASSES OUT OF HERE.

[MOANING]

>> OH, BABY.

I HOPE WE DON'T GET A WALK-IN.

IT'S ONLY 3:00 A.M.

>> BABY, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY

DOCTOR, YOU CAN'T BE ONE ALL THE

TIME.

[HARLAND LAUGHS]

>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO

BE.

WAY DOWN SOUTH IN DIXIE.

[BOTH MOANING]

>> OH, LET ME AIR OUT BEFORE YOU

GO DOWN.

>> WHOA.

[TEDDY GIGGLES]

THAT'S IT, BABY.

THAT'S IT.

TAKE IT IN, HONEY.

TAKE IT IN.

[BOTH LAUGH]

NOW, GIVE ME SOME.

GIVE ME SOME.

GIVE ME SOME.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT

MAKES MY DICK.

AND DON'T BE STINGY WITH IT.

>> COME ON, BABY.

LIE DOWN ON THE TABLE.

[BOTH LAUGH]

>> READY?

>> OH, GOD.

GIVE IT TO ME, BABY.

GIVE IT TO ME.

YES.

[LAUGHING]

>> THAT'S IT, DARLING.

TAKE IT ALL IN.

[HARLAND LAUGHING]

[HARLAND STRUGGLING]

>> OH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GOD.

>> [PANTING]

>> YOU POOR FOOL.

WHY'D YOU HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE

WITH ME?

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

>> WHAT THE?

>> HERE.

>> [SIGHS]

LET ME.

YOU'D THINK YOU'D NEVER BEEN

THROUGH THIS BEFORE.

>> YEAH, WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT

TURNED OUT.

GUESS WE KNOW HOW THIS ONE WILL

TURN OUT, TOO, HUH?

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER

AFTER FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS.

>> CHRISTIAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO

DO THIS. I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.

>> I KNOW. THIS IS RIGHT.

I LOVE LIZZIE. SHE'S A GREAT

GIRL. SHE'S GREAT WITH WILBER.

I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

THE FUTURE, YOU KNOW.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> AM I GONNA LEAVE THIS WORLD

WITH YOU A CONFIRMED BACHELOR,

OR ARE YOU GONNA SEAL THE DEAL

WITH TEDDY?

>> OH, WHO THE HELL KNOWS? SHE'S

BEEN AWAY SO MUCH LATELY.

>> WELL, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT

SIDE, SHE'S PROBABLY GOT ENOUGH

FREQUENT FLYER POINTS TO SEND

THE TWO OF YOU TO THE GREAT

BARRIER REEF.

>> IT'S TIME.

>> OK.

COME HERE.

YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS

AN ASSHOLE. I'M SORRY. I GOT AT

LEAST 2 MONTHS TO FIGURE THAT

STUFF OUT, RIGHT?

YEAH.

[INHALES] OK.

YOU TWO READY TO GET ME TO

THE CHURCH ON TIME?

YEAH?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

>> YOU INVITED KIMBER?

>> SHE DIDN'T NEED

AN INVITATION. IT'S A CHURCH,

THEY WELCOME EVERYBODY,

ESPECIALLY WHORES. IT'S BIG IN

THE BIBLE.

>> [CLEARS THROAT]

>> SORRY.

>> * THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU *

* AND I FORGET TO DO

THE LITTLE, ORDINARY THINGS

THAT ANYONE OUGHT TO DO... *

>> LINDA, DO I LOOK LIKE

A BRIDE?

>> YOU LOOK GORGEOUS. JUST START

WALKING.

>> * I'M LIVING IN

A KIND OF A DAYDREAM,

I'M HAPPY AS A QUEEN *

>> WOW. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

>> * AND FOOLISH THOUGH

IT MAY SEEM,

TO ME THAT'S EVERYTHING... *

>> FATHER, YOU HAVE MADE

THE BOND OF MARRIAGE A HOLY

MYSTERY, A SYMBOL OF CHRIST'S

LOVE FOR HIS CHURCH.

>> * THE LONGING HERE... *

>> YOU WERE BORN TOGETHER, AND

TOGETHER YOU SHALL BE FOREVER

MORE. YOU SHALL BE TOGETHER WHEN

THE WHITE WINGS OF DEATH SCATTER

YOUR DAYS.

>> * TILL I AM NEAR TO YOU... *

>> [SIGHS]

LIZ CRUZ, I WILL LOVE YOU FOR

THE REST OF MY LIFE.

>> * AND YOUR EYES IN STARS... *

>> IF ANY PERSON HERE CAN SHOW

JUST AND SUFFICIENT REASON WHY

THESE 2 PERSONS MAY NOT BE

JOINED TOGETHER IN MATRIMONY,

LET THEM DECLARE THEIR REASONS

NOW OR FROM THIS TIME FORWARD,

KEEP THEIR PEACE.

>> * MY LOVE *

>> KIMBER, SIT DOWN!

>> EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.

[SOBBING]

>> BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME

BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, I

NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND

WIFE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

* AND FOOLISH

AS IT MAY SEEM,

TO ME THAT'S EVERYTHING,

THE MERE IDEA OF YOU *

* THE LONGING HERE FOR YOU *

* YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

HOW SLOW THE MOMENTS GO

TILL I AM NEAR TO YOU,

I SEE YOUR FACE

IN EVERY FLOWER

AND YOUR EYES IN STARS ABOVE,

IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU,

THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU,

MY LOVE,

MY LOVE *

[AIR HISSES]

* MY *

>> [INHALES]

>> * LOVE *

>> I'M GONNA EAT SPAGHETTI.

>> YOU ARE? THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO

ME. SO, HOW DO YOU SAY "ICE

CREAM" IN ITALIAN?

>> GELATO.

>> GELATO? YOU'RE TOO GOOD.

HIGH-FIVE.

>> OK. OK, IS EVERYBODY READY

AND ZIPPED? ARE THESE THE BOOKS

YOU WANT TO TAKE WITH YOU

ON THE PLANE?

>> YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT. HUBBY, ARE WE

GONNA HAVE TO PAY EXTRA FOR YOUR

LUGGAGE?

>> NO, NO, NO. WHILE YOU GUYS

ARE OUT EATING GELATO, I'M GONNA

SHOP FOR A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.

>> CAN I CALL YOU MOMMY NOW?

>> YES, YOU CAN.

YES, YOU CAN.

MMM.

OK, BUT WE GOT TO HURRY UP. WE

GOT ONLY 5 MINUTES TO GO BEFORE

THEY COME.

>> OK.

>> LET'S GO.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[BEEP]

>> YEAH?

>> DR. TROY, THIS IS DR. MOSS.

>> HELLO, DOC. LISTEN, I KNOW

YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED THAT I'M NOT

DOING ANYMORE TREATMENTS, BUT

HERE'S THE DEAL, I JUST GOT

MARRIED AND I'M ON MY WAY TO MY

HONEYMOON IN LESS THAN

5 MINUTES.

>> ACTUALLY, I'M--I'M CALLING

ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. BECAUSE OF

THE NEW HEPA LAWS, WE'VE BEEN

USING PATIENT I.D. NUMBERS

INSTEAD OF NAMES. WHEN ANOTHER

PATIENT, MRS. GLENDENING,

SURPRISED US WITH AN UNEXPECTED

DOWNTURN THIS WEEK, WE RECHECKED

HER BLOOD WORK.

>> CUT TO THE CHASE, DOC. WHAT,

AM I GONNA KICK THE BUCKET

SOONER THAN I THOUGHT?

>> OUR LAB TECH INADVERTENTLY

SWITCHED YOUR I.D. NUMBERS. YOUR

RESULTS WERE LABELED AS HERS AND

VICE VERSA. LONG STORY SHORT,

MRS. GLENDENING'S BAD NEWS IS

YOUR GOOD FORTUNE. YOUR CANCER

IS IN REMISSION, DR. TROY.

I WISH YOU AND YOUR BRIDE A LONG

AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> CHRISTIAN, THEY'RE HERE. CAN

YOU CALL HIM BACK FROM THE CAR?